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The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In
#The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In
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#The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In
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FunTranscript
00:00I said
00:02Hello and welcome to the Two Johnny's, Leigh Van Glocken!
00:25There is some crowd in the bar tonight.
00:31Don't worry John, there's just the right amount of people in the bar tonight.
00:34Howdy and Olly, did you count them?
00:36John, if there's three things I'm good at, it's comedy and maths.
00:41Great, let's get on with the show. She's good with both feet lads.
00:44She scores every Sunday.
00:45Because she's a judge and dancing with the stars, it's Karen Byrd!
00:55All right, our next guest has managed Banger, Bohemians, Caroline United, Dublin City,
01:03Shamrock Roberts, Florianna, Cork City, Monaghan United, Athlone Town, Derry City, Waterbury
01:06United and Athlone Town again.
01:08The only club he hasn't managed is coppers, it's Roddy Collins!
01:19Also tonight, hailing from the second best hurling county in Ireland this year.
01:24Do you mean Cork, John?
01:25I do mean Cork, John.
01:26But he's one of our favourite comedians, we'll have stand-up from Cork's Andrew Ryan!
01:39And we're delighted to get them out of Offaly for the day, it's Chasen Abbey!
01:44Now, it's time to find out, who's in the bar?
01:58We're in the bar!
02:00Who's in the bar?
02:01We're in the bar!
02:04Right, where is Sam?
02:07There he is!
02:09He couldn't be any further away!
02:10All right, we're busting on down the back.
02:12Who's Sam?
02:14Sam, what's the crack, how are you?
02:17I'm Grant Sharon, yourself?
02:19Not too bad, where are you from?
02:20Ennis, Clare.
02:21Okay lovely, what's the story, what's your hidden talent?
02:24You'll actually never believe this, but I can play music on my teeth.
02:29It's a bit of a weird one.
02:31I'll say.
02:33Okay, so how did you discover this?
02:35I actually have been the Bulls in Ocean, I've been doing it for years.
02:38I think it stemmed from when I was in school and just like not paying attention when I was supposed to pay attention.
02:42Right.
02:42I just, like a tick or something, I don't know.
02:45Okay, okay.
02:45Well lads, do you want to see it?
02:47Yeah!
02:48Okay, all right, okay.
02:49We're going to need a bit of hush.
02:51Okay, what are you going to, just play it.
02:53Okay, okay.
03:08Right, we all knew that tune.
03:10So if you played one, how about we guess what he's playing?
03:13Guess that tune.
03:14Yeah, it gets the tune?
03:16Okay.
03:16Okay.
03:23American Garrys!
03:24Yay!
03:24Is that it?
03:27Yeah, that's it.
03:27American Garrys.
03:28Did it, did it, did it, did it.
03:29Ah, lovely.
03:31Give it up for Sam, everybody.
03:35Back to Johnny Smacks.
03:36Thank you very much, John.
03:38I'm here with Anne-Marie.
03:38Anne-Marie, how are you?
03:39Where are you from?
03:39Good.
03:40From Mayo, living in Galway.
03:41You're from Mayo and you're, okay, you're living in Galway.
03:43Sorry, sorry, sorry to hear that.
03:44Very to make sure you're from Mayo.
03:45Anne-Marie, what is your talent tonight?
03:47Um, just a random talent I discovered.
03:50I'm going to try and tie a knot in this.
03:52Tie a knot in, that's a cherry stock.
03:54It is.
03:54Right.
03:55Let's, we want to see Anne-Marie do this?
03:56Yeah!
03:56Come on, Anne-Marie.
03:57I'm looking so proud.
03:59Okay, okay.
03:59No matter, you, no matter, you work away.
04:05Ah.
04:08Weather's nice, let's.
04:09Yeah, that's right.
04:19Oh!
04:19That is incredible.
04:24Right, I'll, do you know what, do you know what?
04:29I'll give it, give it a go on meself, all right?
04:31Right, come on a second now.
04:38Whoa, the same bridge has crossed!
04:42Do you know what?
04:43I think it's easier than it looks, Anne-Marie.
04:45Give it up for Anne-Marie!
04:51What a talent.
04:51Wow.
04:52Wow.
04:53Right lads, are you ready to meet our first guest?
04:58We cross live to Seamus the Sheep.
05:01Right, who Seamus the Sheep got for us this week?
05:03It's between Gabriel Byrne, Bertie O'Hearn, or Karen Byrne.
05:09He's giving Bertie a bit of attention there, is he?
05:12It could be.
05:13Not for the first time.
05:14And it's, of course, Karen Byrne!
05:16How are you?
05:28How are you?
05:29How are you?
05:30Like, I have to say it.
05:30I feel, I feel.
05:31Hi.
05:32It's great, Cracker.
05:33Welcome, welcome to the boat, Karen.
05:35It's madness, isn't it?
05:35Oh my god, sweet!
05:36It's a wedding!
05:37I shouldn't have wore this jacket.
05:40Thanks for having me.
05:41You better leave it on now.
05:45Don't worry.
05:46You've been dancing since you were six years old.
05:48You're represented in Ireland.
05:50But I'm wondering, six years old, people are doing Irish dancing, they're doing camogie.
05:54How did you pick ballroom?
05:55Do you know, I actually wanted to do Irish dancing, but my mum was an Irish dancer and she was like,
06:01it's not like it used to be. They wear wigs, they wear all this now.
06:04It's not like you put the rollers in your hair and blah, blah, blah.
06:06And I used to be like, ma, please, I really want to do it.
06:08She wouldn't let me do it.
06:09One day in school, randomly, do you know the way you saw was get your little things, your notes on for your mum?
06:14My, it was, it said like, dance classes starting after school, like ballroom, cha-cha-cha, samba,
06:19and I was like, oh, ma, I want to do that.
06:22I done one class and I was literally addicted.
06:25I was the first one there, the last one leaving, I'd say I used to wreck the teacher's house.
06:28Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:30You're, you're, you're from Ballyferma, which is probably not...
06:32I'm from Ballyferma.
06:33Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.
06:34I'm from Ballyferma.
06:35It's probably, it's probably, like, fair to say, it's not well known for ballroom dancing.
06:40I mean, was there loads of lads queuing up?
06:42It's still, you know.
06:48No, hang on, you know, that's why I loved it.
06:50Because none of my friends, they were all thinking they're cool doing hip-hop while I was waltzing around going,
06:55none of the rest of us can do this.
06:56But I imagine the young lads in Ballyferma weren't queuing up around being like,
07:00I'll ballroom dance with you, yeah?
07:02Well, they are now.
07:03it was hard and you know right so when i think back this is how we used to find a dance partner
07:14years ago i said to me ma i was like i was getting to about 13 14 there was no boys in ireland that
07:19wanted to dance because it was seen as like a i should imagine like a non-cool thing yeah yeah
07:24and i said to you i guess on google thinking back how my ma allowed this right went on google
07:29partner search i put in and you know years ago what you had to do you had to put in your details
07:35right when i think of it now i'm probably it's probably a bit like a tinder for dancing
07:40like you have to put in your height blah blah and basically then i met this random fella in liverpool
07:45and i was like man there's a fella same height as me and i think we're going to be brilliant
07:49dance partners and here's me ma karen you live in ballyferma he lives in liverpool you're winding me
07:53up here's like ryan here we're going to get the flights over once a week and blah blah and make
07:57a work i think i was only about 14 15 and i mean ma's like yeah no bother there you go there's a few
08:02ball off you go to liverpool to this random family now the family were lovely yeah let's have that on
08:08record yeah and also sure think back if i didn't do all that sure i wouldn't be dancing but how do
08:14you go from representing ireland to dancing with des cahill
08:20it's different you know i don't have an answer to that but that was probably the best transition
08:24in my life because des cahill oh i love des hi des if you're watching yeah he's a legend he actually
08:31showed me because i remember walking down and you have to another way do that cringy wave at the top
08:35of the show and des was like yeah car look to the camera with the red light and i was like what's
08:39that mean he was like you're live i hadn't a clue so like i taught him dancing he taught me live telly and
08:45it was actually the perfect partnership but if you're dancing with people who aren't professionals
08:49trying to do complicated moves oh you're back some bits yeah they would drop you never go wrong like
08:55oh it goes wrong all the time but like of course if you're on live telly and we're doing like mad
09:01lifts the the partner's never going to want to drop you as a man do you want to drop a woman of course
09:06you don't you're like no now you funny you say that because it does happen we have a clip of of you
09:10actually been dropped this is this is your your old dance partner jason smith nice nice nice drop
09:17there that was mild and shane byrne i mean former professional rugby player you think he'd have good
09:21hands they still managed to drop it come here they all do but you know i always say before a live show
09:26i'm like if you drop me it's brilliant telly everyone loves being watching that you know i mean of course
09:32i don't want to be dropped but just camps their nerves if i'm like i dropped me for the crack it's grand
09:36but if you get somebody who like just can't dance i haven't had anyone that can dance
09:45can you choreograph your way out of it like is there a few tricks to say oh we'll just do a few
09:48lifts just bluff i keep shaking shimmy and if you can't there's some people out there can you shimmy
09:54i don't know i never tried it
10:00they were dying for me to do so the answer is no
10:02it's actually yeah just i always think the people at home from the waist up once you're looking like
10:08you're having a whale of a time sure mary sitting on that chair doesn't know what the feet should be
10:12doing i mean fluff it fake it till you make it that's how i'm still here how are you telling
10:20you went in from dancer to judge like there's no more falls there did it all go they all go smooth
10:25i used to look at the judge's table and be like oh imagine me sitting there wouldn't that be lovely
10:29and the table was so big so i used to be like surely does space for another chair just squeeze me
10:35and i bring me on and still with me if i can if i can take you back in time to your first judging
10:41your first live episode you were nervous i was and jake actually said to me karen that yeah there's
10:46there's nothing like just be yourself yeah the worst thing i could have been you got you got pretty
10:51you got pretty nervous when you were judging mickey joe hard oh no if i'm being honest it was a bit
10:56stick mickey but you know what that could have been your trousers but i don't like so genuinely even
11:05when i said that i was so engrossed with his dance right it was a pasadouble yeah it was a bit
11:11stiff yeah and his name is mickey there was nothing like i mean it could have that could have been anyone
11:17to say that and it just happened to be me on my first ever live show as a judge he also had a letter
11:21of pants on i mean and why did i have to continue on and say but it could have been the trousers
11:28why was there any need to say that and the worst thing about the whole thing was right jake was
11:34probably more nervous than than i was and where i was sitting i could see him in my eye line yeah for
11:39the whole night so that was making me a bit more nervous i was like oh god i don't want to let you
11:42down jake and as soon as i said that he was like don't i was like oh come here so you get people on
11:50and what what's the hardest dance what's the when you hear something the ongoing thing is like people
11:54say the samba is like a celebrity killer it is hard because a man doesn't go around bleeding wiggling
12:01his hips and shimmy and going around the part at the bar he's top side to side so as soon as you start
12:05saying to any man i don't think i had samba thankfully with des i didn't that was on switch up week he
12:11had samba with someone else i said jesus brilliant but um but why is samba so hard because it's all
12:17about like bouncing and moving your hips and your body is there any music in this place yeah can we get
12:27a bit of samba music could you explain the basic steps that's actually whoever put that song on that's
12:49very fast right so we don't normally go that quick but they're a batch of cards that you would do to
12:54that i knew it was a classic classic classic classic right close your feet right close feet
12:59lads i hope you all do what we all do let's all do let's all right let's all right okay let's not
13:05here we go so we close our feet and we're going to go back on our right and then left so it's literally just
13:09back back and stay up on your toes wiggling your hips so we let you go boom boom boom boom that's right
13:16not bad and then we'll just shake you ready music hang on hang on hang on but do you reckon we want
13:25people to learn to dance oh you're doing behind the bar we want people to learn to dance yeah but
13:30there probably won't be too much samba music on in the pub in tipperary yeah okay so can we do this
13:34a song that you might hear in a pub in ireland oh we can make a walk okay let's get it
13:39here we go
13:48i didn't sign off for wearing this jacket i'm absolutely less things are heating up in despair give
14:11it up for karen burn everybody and don't forget karen will be on the judging panel of dancing with
14:21the stars in the new year hopefully hang on lads uh roddy you're from a big family very big okay
14:30uh you're a professional dancer yeah we've got a game that combines both your talents so ollie
14:35andrew you ready to play along yeah oh i love games okay we've got a game that we're calling we
14:39aren't family yeah so we've got a camera out in the streets of galway where all the members of the
14:44of a family are dancing to the same tune but here's the catch one person isn't in the family your job
14:50is to spot the imposter okay okay all right let's go live to galway okay here we go
14:57lads we've got the desantis family i feel like i know already
15:00from one to six straight away roddy you're looking at them who do you think is not in the family
15:09in the family yeah they're all they're all a family bar one a fella number two he looks a bit wrong
15:16andrew what do you reckon um number three because he looks too happy
15:22no family's that happy yeah okay karen what do you reckon oh now you're going close it's hard yeah
15:27no so that's so they look the image yeah that fella on the end looks like he's just being plumped there
15:34it could be him right he looks a bit awkward they say the rhythm is in the genes so let's uh
15:38find out we'll get them dancing let's see is this live yeah yeah this is live and gone yeah okay right hit the music
15:44oh
15:51i'll take the number four
15:54who do you reckon oh it's amazing number four is dancing with his tongue
16:03karen who found the family oh that's so hard i tell you i think i think number three is american
16:09number three looks a bit yeah he looks a bit foreign okay but so does number one that girl looks
16:14too jolly compared to the rest of them okay who's not in the family
16:20what do you call it what number four are you reckon
16:22ronnie rick is four and i'll tell you what say or not because we'll find out after the break
16:25we're going to find my friend that she goes all the way when i'm flapping the mountain party hats i'm heading for the tent
16:48hey welcome back to the two johnny's late late lock-in
16:50now before the break we've seen the de santos family on the streets of galway but one person
16:59wasn't actually part of the family john yes let's go back to galway and see lads right looking at the
17:03screens who do we think is not part of the family lads what you reckon what number
17:10what are we saying okay okay moment of truth moment of truth we think it's number four
17:14some people are saying number six would the real imposter please step forward
17:27okay number four what's your name and how do you know the family or have you ever met them before
17:32my name is kean and i have no idea who these people are put your hands together and a big thank you to
17:38everybody on the streets of galway now it's time for some cracking stand-up he's the cork man living
17:49in the north and he's one of our favorite comedians everybody go nuts it's andrew ryan
17:58hello how we all do we all good good to be here ladies and gentlemen my name is andrew it's great
18:20to be back in ireland i spent 16 years living over in england moved back home when i got parole
18:26and loved living over in england england was a great place to live right i'll tell you what
18:30happened to me i was living in england jeez you couldn't write it lads you couldn't write it right
18:34i uh i nearly got married right nearly married an english one jeez you couldn't bring it home lads
18:39you couldn't if she was a lovely girl lovely girl very challenging relationship because uh she had two
18:45kids from like previous nights out and um jeez you couldn't bring it home to the mother in cork like
18:52um but i'm from cork now right and uh i live up the north i live in belfast that's where i live
18:59thank you and uh people always say to me like especially my brothers i was like what are you
19:03doing up there like they're mad up there like right and if you know me on a personal level uh you know
19:09that i'm a massive fan of tension within the community right absolutely love it up there lads right
19:15it's great crack right why am i up there i'm up there because of a woman i was stalking right
19:23she calls me her little baby reindeer and uh but i won so it's okay
19:32that's right happy days happy days i love it up there it's great crack now when you're from the south
19:38and you're going to date with somebody from the north because we met online right when you're from the
19:41south and you're going to date with somebody from the north right sometimes you can be a bit ignorant
19:45to the ways of the north sometimes right and i was on a date with julie we met online right first date
19:49sunday afternoon you don't give them a saturday night they might not look like the picture okay
19:55second day it went to the pub had a few drinks all going well lips were loose lips were loose
20:02andrew starts asking a couple of questions i said come here
20:06which one are you now is it boxing day or saint stephen's day like which day is it
20:15and she went crazy she was like really really you want to find out what my identity is and you
20:19well actually the identity issue in the north being resolved should have a good fight agreement right
20:21and i don't like the fact you're coming up from the south listening to the southern media okay
20:25trying to pitch your ideas of pitching one community versus another community when actually
20:28both communities here get on really well it's just extremism on the both side that actually
20:31got on with it and i don't like the fact that we're on a second date and i'm trying to get to
20:34know you on a personal level i thought jesus feck it she's british like she has to be british
20:44because because if she was irish she'd be like mayo for sam or something like that
20:51i'm like you'll never see that but it's great right so we're together now julie's great she's
20:58absolutely brilliant right and uh it was her birthday recently right i'm not gonna lie guys absolutely
21:02knocked it out of the park right knocked it out of the park you'd be so proud of me right it's her
21:06birthday recently i thought what am i gonna do what am i gonna do for her birthday i thought it'd be
21:09great crack you know what i did for her birthday my girlfriend from north my wife from northern
21:13ireland i got her the irish passport application right i thought oh a little bit of freedom of movement
21:20right i thought oh and i got a little card as well you know the 60 euro card little touch little touch
21:26touch because we were going on a holiday uh to greece and i wanted to go on holiday with her i didn't
21:32want to pick her up in immigration on the way back like do you know what i mean so i got her the irish
21:37passport right and i said there you go babe there's your there's your passport she's like oh no i got
21:41my irish identity now got me irish identity got me british identity oh my god oh i've always loved
21:47i've always loved being irish i love boys on big fan of boys on right oh i've got me irish identity got
21:52me british identity i've got my two identities now so yeah catching up with your personalities look
21:56at this it's great right so she's delighted with her irish identity now right she loves it right
22:03so we were at home one day she was annoying me she was still walking around or something like you know
22:07what i mean right so we're home one day i thought you know what she's wrecking me head right so i decided
22:13two days before we go on holiday i hid the irish passport right hid it on her she's walking around the
22:18house panicking she says where's marriage passport andrew where's marriage adela can't find me i love
22:23splitting the g where's my irish adelaian right day before we're going holiday i took it on i went oh
22:29there you go she goes what did you what where was it because i just hit it on you she goes why is that
22:33because i wanted you to know what it's like from somebody from the north when your irish identity is
22:36taken away right so there you go so we we got divorced last week right and uh but it's great
22:54like it's really good right she's lovely girl she's the best thing about me right but i don't know as i
22:58get older now like what happens is like when i'm watching the the news and stuff and i'm sure you're
23:01all like this you turn on the news and you go ah turn it off right it's a bit tough isn't it but i
23:06tell you something more the more i live back in ireland the more i love being irish right because we
23:10are amazing right because i worry about us sometimes right because i worry that like can you imagine no
23:16if we got invaded lads i'd be worried like because i don't think we could win a war just on the crack
23:24alone like do you know what i mean you take some of the biggest armies in the world right you got the
23:29american army the chinese army the indian army right absolutely massive armies what do we have
23:36we don't even have a thing called the army it's called the defense forces right we'll just defend
23:41we'll be like out the lot of you out turn around and get out right get me a chair put it up against
23:47the door there will you jesus it's like it's like trying to give your granny a brandy a christmas
23:51like oh no will you go away leave me an army now right now i'm a hundred percent irish and i love
23:56being irish by tell something lads tell something lads i'll be watching the british telly sometimes
24:01and i see the adverts for their army and tell something lads they're sexy like they turn you
24:09like have you seen them can you make split second decisions do you want to be the best train with the
24:15best born in england made in the royal navy i'm like i'll take a bullet for the king lads
24:22and his sausage fingers i definitely would
24:27i learned this recently ireland has a navy
24:33we've seven boats lads oh the dictators of the world are shitting themselves now aren't they huh
24:40we have seven ships seven vessels and their job is to go around the island to go around the island
24:47now i don't know if they go up the north right i haven't googled it yet right so they go three
24:55quarters around the island right or up there i'm a cross community comedian pick your side lads right
25:02and their job and i didn't know this when i go to bed at night on my lovely warm pillow there's men and
25:06women out there on the water away from their own families four or five weeks at a time protecting
25:14our country they're away from their own families riding each other oh they're all at it just like the
25:22guards and the teachers
25:30oh they love oh they're living out in the atlantic ocean they love it like
25:37and they're away from they're away from away from their own families protecting our country
25:42and i'm at home and these people will never let us down if we ever get invaded
25:46but only in ireland would this happen that one day on the news the government announced to the rest of
25:52the world that five of the ships were broken what sort of a country announces to the rest of the
26:00world that their first line of defense is broken keep your mouth shut lads tell them you have 100
26:09boats and say nothing right i know the uk have a policy to stop the boats in ireland we can't even
26:15fecking starters like you know
26:24ladies and gentlemen it's been an absolute treat to come to this place and to do this tonight thank
26:29you my name's andrew ryan i wish you the very best thank you
26:49right now ladies and gentlemen it's time for the greatest quiz of all time it's the parish quiz
26:55and our first parish this week is from guidore in county dunegal and representing them as lauren
27:07furry learn how are you i'm deadly hurry yourselves i'm not too bad uh what do you do with yourself
27:12aren't you you're studying are you i'm studying down a minute i am going to be a teacher you're going to be a
27:15teacher have you perfected the teacher debts there yes so you walk in now they're all good load of
27:21transition years going mad oh no a primary teacher oh a primary teacher oh yeah load of sixth class
27:25going mad what what i haven't tackled that yet but the east there just right just give him oh that's
27:33yeah and have you got like your lines ready been like lads your life i don't mind i didn't get paid
27:36on a friday it doesn't really work half the time though right i hope uh when i have kids
27:43you're a bit stronger than that lauren uh tell us anyway what's life like in guidore deadly obviously best
27:48place on the earth it's it does be hopping i hear i do love it what's the night in the summer
27:53oh summer's the best summer's best like to be fair like guidore during the winter
27:58yeah summer's day i'm telling you sun shining fabulous yeah johnny's been there in some spot i
28:04went to the nightclub and everyone was speaking irish although i mean i think they were speaking
28:08irish they could have been speaking i actually met you in the nightclub did you yeah fair play
28:14give it up for loran everyone
28:22our second parish from the county galway is mount beliau and representing them as michael
28:26connelly how are you michael mighty knowing yourselves unbelievable lad what's the story what are you doing
28:32with yourself i'm a postman nice yeah are you in a van or on the bike or what are you out on delivery
28:39on the van yeah you're a van man i wish you prefer the country or the town oh the country why oh sure
28:45you can talk to people inside in the city they won't talk to you so when you're doing the rounds delivering
28:50posts you'd have a chat with all the lads yeah quite a few of them yeah right what would they be saying
28:54to you absolute answer the price of cattle the price of sheep did you get the turf in everything
29:01hey god it must take you 14 hours to deliver the post
29:08have air codes revolutionized everton no so would you just know where everyone lives oh i have a good
29:14book write all the right all the names into the book and follow that like your bible right well mount
29:20beliau what else is going on you've got a sheep shearing festival there have you yeah it's the
29:24second year the european sheep shearing festival uh contestants from new zealand australia scotland
29:31wales all coming into montbello for the weekend well how would you describe that weekend raw
29:39well uh best of luck tonight give it up for michael everybody
29:46okay it's time to knuckle down now last time we played a harsh quiz we're starting with guido and
29:50lauren lauren here is your question how are you lauren i'm here with your sister kiira i'm standing
29:56outside malloy shop and the question for you today is there's a car across the road and the guido
30:01colours what make is the car across from malloy's i'm wondering if it's the same one they had for the
30:07see guido boys are in the county finals so i'm wondering if it's the same one that donegal have
30:11for the all ironing final which was go on it's the little it the cat the crap it's definitely a car
30:20what a peugeot a peugeot a peugeot let's find out if you're right yeah yeah and the answer it's a peugeot
30:26it's a peugeot
30:33so you describe it as
30:38i don't know my car is okay michael are you ready let's go to montbello for your first question
30:46hi michael sean here from montbello i have a question for you we have three sheep roaming around
30:51here which these sheep met new zealand ambassador at the sheep shearing festival oh lord which sheep
31:01met the new zealand ambassador rainy snowy or cloudy well cloudy why is that picking it off the top of
31:08my head okay all right let's go back to sean and find out and michael the answer is snowy of course
31:15all right we're back to guidore here's your next question learn hello loran how you doing this is
31:24father brian o'fary the parish priest of guidore i'm outside shenogs here and as you know these luscious
31:29locks have been shaved for charities a number of occasions one of the nights we had to shave in here
31:34my question to you lauren is which irish celebrity shaved these locks in shenogs which irish celebrity
31:42shaved father brains luscious locks i only know this because i met montore island after it was tommy
31:48tiernan tommy tiernan i'm hoping i'm really hoping now i might be wrong okay well let's find out if you
31:53are right or wrong and these luscious locks were shaved by the one and only tommy tiernan
31:59right michael you feeling the pressure no come back let's go back to mount value
32:17hello michael tony here from the malt house players the malt house players did a very successful play last
32:24me what was the name of that play come on michael you're a postman you always deliver
32:35what play did the boys put on you have me without i haven't a clue take a guess the field the field
32:43field right and the answer is the real mccoy
32:52you thought it was he says to me i thought it was magic mike yeah
32:59you know and he's taking a lot less from the lads right lauren and guidore here's your next question
33:03hello lauren it's connie here from area view pet zoo in guidore how much do we charge for a food bag of
33:12animal feed to go around and feed the animals while you're at the zoo no well you're now at the zoo in
33:17guidore which i never knew there was um how much is a bag of animal feed jesus i don't know like 50 euro 50 cent euro
33:24pick one pick one it's 50 50 50 50 50 50. she says let's find out if you're right remember if you get
33:36this one right you are this week's parish quiz winner lauren that's the answer is lauren it's 50 cent a
33:42back
33:57okay lads remember you've got two envelopes here right lauren this is how it works johnny
34:03he's holding two envelopes in one of those envelopes is an all expenses paid trip to las vegas
34:08in the other is a bag of the aforementioned animal feed a whole 50 cents worth what's it going to be
34:19lauren what envelope are you going for i don't know do you want to give me a hint just grab one you've got to
34:22pick one you can do it yeah i'm gonna go for that one okay all right lauren open the envelope let us know
34:29good luck lauren good luck i really hope i really hope dingers cross show the people what you want
34:34a bag of animal feed
34:39okay give it up for lauren and michael everyone
34:44now still to come we will have music from chase and abby we'll have loads more fun and games join us
34:49after the break chase and abby trying to play on the zone
35:00is
35:10is
35:14is
35:22Oh
35:46Hello and welcome back to the two Chinese late night lock-in you played a match at the weekend
35:50Yeah, I did like a tough game and you got injured both badly. I heard you were bedridden several times and once in a van
36:01Now to choose our next guest we go live to Seamus the Sheep right what's Seamus serving up for us
36:07Is it gonna be look at Seamus? He's looking well, isn't he? Is it gonna be Phil Collins Roddy Collins or Michael Collins?
36:15Michael Collins will be a tough get these days lads
36:17Who is it John? It is of course Roddy Collins
36:20I'm going to go to Seamus the city
36:23Go to Seamus the city
36:24How are you Johnny? What's the crap?
36:25Welcome to the bar. How are you?
36:26Thank you very much. How am I?
36:27Take a seat, take a seat, buddy.
36:40How are you, Johnny? What's the crap?
36:42Welcome to the bar, how are you?
36:43Thank you very much.
36:44How am I?
36:45You look lovely and tanned and relaxed.
36:49Are you way?
36:49Tanned and relaxed, well, I've got a bottle of wine in me, so that's the relaxed thing to do.
36:54And the tan part is I spend the most of my time in Spain.
36:56You're over there a good bit?
36:58A good bit. People say, are you living out there? No.
37:00Right.
37:01I grew up seven months, come back five times.
37:04I'm back out on Tuesday morning.
37:05It's a bit like living there, Ronnie.
37:07It's a bit like...
37:09I know, but you have to watch the old tax man.
37:13You don't want the fella with the suitcase knocking at the door.
37:17Like years ago, when I was a builder, he knocked at the door and he said,
37:20I'm from the Revenue.
37:21I said, are you?
37:22I said, what can I do with you?
37:23He says, I'm looking for 20 grand.
37:25I said, come in and we all have a good look for that.
37:29Right, and we'd know you as a football manager.
37:32But before you were managing, you played...
37:34You were pretty ill-informed.
37:34You played for 19 different clubs you played for.
37:39Are you a bit of a...
37:40I didn't even know that.
37:42You got a few bad injuries, though, did you?
37:43I did.
37:44I got four broken legs.
37:45Wow.
37:46In my career, well, I could go through a list of things.
37:48Were they all your own?
37:49I'd all know.
37:49They weren't in the one day.
37:53I blocked my leg.
37:54Didn't play for three years.
37:55Wow.
37:56So I lost three years in my career.
37:58And then when I came back, I was struggling to get going again.
38:03Like, three years in football when you're 18 is a lifetime.
38:07They are your years when you're going to make it.
38:09So when I came back, I was struggling to get going again.
38:11And just playing into a J team at Bowls.
38:14I was coming in at half-time one day and the phone rang in the hall.
38:17It was an extension phone.
38:18Is that what you called it?
38:19Yeah.
38:19I picked it up.
38:20Hello?
38:21How are you doing?
38:22Yeah.
38:22Irish Independent.
38:24Yeah.
38:24What was the score of that game?
38:27I said, yeah.
38:28Trinity College 1, Bohemians 3.
38:30Who was the score of it?
38:31Collins 3.
38:33No internet.
38:34No way of checking it out.
38:36So I went by that phone every second, me and Collins 2.
38:40So every Monday morning in the end, though, I was walking on building sites.
38:44I was called the goal machine.
38:45So I wasn't scoring goals at all.
38:47But then it went around the whole country.
38:49Did you play with any legends, Nolik?
38:51George Best.
38:53But that was when I was 17 at Fulham.
38:57But I only played in and around the training ground.
38:59And he was a superstar.
39:00Yeah.
39:01And I remember being there and getting picked one day in a training session
39:05with the crew of superstars.
39:08And he was my idol as a kid.
39:10From when I was eight, he was on my wall.
39:12Yeah.
39:12Right?
39:13And I remember, you know, when you meet an idol, I don't know,
39:16I didn't know how to cope.
39:17Yeah.
39:17You know, and I was looking at him, he was like a god.
39:19And then when we went training, I'm going, I didn't know what to call him.
39:23We're all going, best day, Georgie, Georgie.
39:25And I'm going, bestie.
39:27He looked up, bestie, Georgie.
39:29I went into a bleeding friend.
39:30I was, bestie, Georgie.
39:32Every ball he got a call from, every ball I got a pass to him.
39:35And then I realised he wasn't even on my team.
39:38So, Fulham lasted about ten days before I was going to get besties idle out of here.
39:45But look.
39:45Roger, you mentioned as well, like, when you were playing,
39:48that you were working on the building sites as well.
39:50Yeah.
39:50I mean, how was that, first of all, working on the building sites?
39:54I loved it.
39:55I loved building sites.
39:56But I wanted to be a footballer.
39:57But I remember playing in a European game.
39:59And we played out in Belgium.
40:01And I grabbed a scaffolding on a Monday.
40:04Right?
40:04And I got on a flight on a Tuesday with the squad.
40:07And we arrived out in Brussels.
40:10Went out.
40:10A big, shiny stadium.
40:1230-odd thousand people there, you know.
40:14Played against this team.
40:15And they battered us out of the ground.
40:18They battered us.
40:19Right?
40:19And I was a striker.
40:20And I remember the fellow beside me.
40:22I won't name him.
40:22Lazy swine he was.
40:24Michael O'Connor.
40:24Right?
40:26Anyway.
40:26Michael.
40:27I remember we were playing.
40:29And they battered us.
40:30And Michael turns to me and he goes,
40:32Oh, Jesus.
40:32Thanks be to God.
40:33He says, it's eight o'clock.
40:34This is nearly over.
40:35I said, Michael, that's the scoreboard.
40:37That's the scoreboard.
40:38That's the scoreboard.
40:39That's the scoreboard.
40:40That's the scoreboard.
40:40Now, I want to know.
40:43How did you go from playing then into management?
40:46I don't know.
40:48I was playing up the north of Ireland up in Bangor.
40:51Where Andrew lives beside, right up in Bangor.
40:55And I just come off the pitch one day.
40:57And I was 33 years of age.
40:59And the chairman called me.
41:00He says, Rod, the manager's resigning.
41:02Will you take over?
41:04I said, yeah, no problem.
41:05I said, no problem to anything.
41:06No problem.
41:08And then I realized, I never done this before.
41:09I never even stood in front of a crowd before.
41:11Other than in a pub or on a bill so having to crack.
41:14So, mate, I'll never forget it.
41:16For the whole week, before with Dove Takeo, I was manager, I was in the mirror.
41:19Tried to look important.
41:23Doing team talks and all sorts.
41:25Anyway, I arrived up late.
41:26And I walked in and see all you people.
41:29I walked into 20, 40 eyes looking at me.
41:32Yeah.
41:32And I panicked.
41:33And I was in the jacks.
41:35And the wind was about that size.
41:37And I said, if I could throw out that wind, they'd never see me.
41:40But anyway, I turfed it out.
41:42Flight or fight, is that what you call it?
41:43Yeah.
41:43Turfed it out, blah, blah, blah.
41:45It doesn't really matter.
41:46I ended up being very successful at bowls.
41:48Yeah.
41:48And then I got tapped into a few clubs in England.
41:51And one of them was Carlyle United.
41:52So, when you go in to meet the Carlyle players then, day one, when you're managing them,
41:56how did you get on with them?
41:57Our first impressions is everything.
41:59In life.
42:00Everything.
42:00You just have to be yourself.
42:02And then, I see, they told me the centre forward's a big blondie fella, right?
42:07So, I'm watching them train and they're doing a running session.
42:09This fella's running.
42:10Keeps looking at me and he's running.
42:12He's looking at me and I went, he's a great attitude.
42:14Hey, big man.
42:15Come here.
42:16Come here.
42:16I said, I like your attitude.
42:18Great, you know.
42:19I said, I was a centre forward.
42:21See you.
42:22I said, you're going to get me 20 goals this season.
42:24I said, we're going to play it simple for you.
42:26Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
42:27Okay, boss.
42:27Okay, boss.
42:28Okay, Garford.
42:28That's all they say.
42:29Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
42:30Because they need a contract.
42:31So, I was delighted.
42:33So, we went back off with all the lads.
42:35Having a great and great and I thought, that's it.
42:38I mean, I went into the reception of the football club and I looked around.
42:41He was a blatant goalkeeper.
42:42There he was.
42:43I'm a bit.
42:46I dug me seven to the biggest hole on me birthday.
42:50But I dug me seven other because we've done all right, you know.
42:52On the sideline then, Rod, were you cool, calm and collected?
42:56Personified.
42:57I don't know if that's entirely true, Roddy.
43:01Have a look at this.
43:04Push on the last one.
43:08Don't stand already.
43:09I'm only fucking telling when it's in the ground for fuck's sake.
43:14I'm telling when it's in the ground and ask me to step back in.
43:16Don't annoy me.
43:18Don't fucking annoy me.
43:21Where is it?
43:22Where is it?
43:23Where is it?
43:24Oh, look.
43:24That is it.
43:25Don't start me off now.
43:27Don't start me off.
43:29Yeah, you started it.
43:34Tell your mother on you.
43:41See that?
43:42See that?
43:43That would be class as bullying if I didn't know that kid.
43:46I knew him.
43:47And he looked about 12.
43:49Looking at your clips when you were managing, you were always well-dressed.
43:53Like, was this important to you?
43:54Oh, yeah.
43:55Fashion.
43:55Oh, yeah.
43:56100%.
43:56Not so much fashion.
43:58Presentation.
43:59You know what I mean?
44:00Like, you go into a dressing room and you're pristine.
44:04And you've got up early and you've done it right.
44:06And all that players will say, well, he's made a huge effort.
44:09That's the fourth thing.
44:11Right?
44:11And then the second is, Louis Coburn gave him the clothes for nothing.
44:16And he's still giving it to nothing.
44:19And when you're getting, like, immaculately dressed,
44:21would Caroline have a say on all your wife in what you're going to wear?
44:24Yeah, yeah.
44:24She's how gorgeous.
44:27Well, we've got to show you.
44:29No, no, no.
44:29No, Caroline had said to me years ago, she said to me years ago,
44:32where are you going all dressed up?
44:34You're about to be back here by half 11.
44:36There's Caroline.
44:37Oh, no, no.
44:38It's me old pal.
44:39Yeah, we're not since we're 15, you know?
44:41Come here.
44:4242 years you're married.
44:4342 years, yeah.
44:44What's the secret to a happy marriage?
44:46Your hair is absolutely gorgeous.
44:49See that dress?
44:50You look brilliant.
44:51And there's not a pick on you.
44:53Now, fellas, trust me.
44:56See when you go out and have two drinks?
44:58A booker in the basin, right?
45:00You come back, you grovel, you apologise,
45:02you take you three days, you're back in the big bed.
45:04Just, yeah.
45:05What do you want to know?
45:11If the Ireland job came up, lads,
45:13will we give Roddy a twist?
45:15Yay!
45:17Okay, Roddy, Roddy, hang on now.
45:19If you were asked to take the Ireland job,
45:22what's the first thing you do?
45:23I'd start winning the game straight away.
45:26How?
45:26How do you do?
45:27Well, I'd make them run around a little bit more
45:29and I'd make them run up their sleeves a little bit more,
45:31you know?
45:32And, yeah, look,
45:33I think the man that's there is a good tactician,
45:35all that.
45:36But I would give
45:37Roy Kinghan
45:38and Damien Duff that job
45:39if that man leaves.
45:41I like him.
45:41I think he's a pure gentleman.
45:43But if he doesn't do it,
45:44I would give to them two, lads,
45:45and I think we'd have a great chance.
45:47Come on, Roddy.
45:47All right, let's play another game of
45:59We Aren't Family.
46:01Remember, lads,
46:01one person out there
46:02isn't actually part of the family
46:03and your job is to spot the imposter.
46:05Let's go back to the streets of Galway.
46:07Okay, just by looking at him, Roddy,
46:09you're part of a big family.
46:11Who jumps out there?
46:12Who is not in the family?
46:14Four.
46:14Why four?
46:15That's not the mother.
46:17That's not the mother.
46:18No, that's not the mother.
46:20Ah, she's...
46:21Andrew, that girl's only 30 years of age.
46:23You haven't seen it.
46:24Four, definitely four.
46:25She's not the mother, no.
46:26Okay, let's get it.
46:27Kids are too tall.
46:28And Karen, what do you like?
46:28Oh, they're the image, that too.
46:30They look alike, yeah.
46:31Yeah, the height.
46:32Now, three.
46:33Oh, oh, three or four.
46:35Three is very tall.
46:38Audience.
46:40Right, Karen, we'll give you a better look.
46:42Let's get them dancing, lads.
46:47Four, lads, have hands in the pockets.
46:49Five.
46:50Five, five, five.
46:51Five, five.
46:52Five.
46:53He's breaking it.
46:57All right, cut the music, lads.
46:59Five, five, five, six, okay.
47:02All right, lads, the moment of truth.
47:05Would the real imposter please step forward?
47:08Five, five.
47:09Five, five, five.
47:09Oh, come on!
47:10Oh, come on!
47:12Come on!
47:13Come on!
47:14Oh, my God!
47:15I thought she looked so like number one.
47:17Number two, what's your name?
47:18And do you know this family?
47:19Have you ever met them?
47:21No, my name's Lauren, and I'm the decoy.
47:24Or I'm not part of this family.
47:25Well, you are now, Lauren.
47:27Go back and meet your family.
47:31Give it up for Lauren and the O'Neill's in Norway!
47:36Now, unfortunately, that's all we have time for.
47:40Give it up for all our guests.
47:42For Karen Byrne, for Roddy Collins, and for Andrew Ryan!
47:45And now, to pay us out, all the way from County Ufalia, it's Jason Abbey!
47:53Yay!
47:54All right!
47:56All right!
47:57All right!
47:59For more information about our residents, visit www.feya.org.
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