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00:00I'll come in and I'll talk you through the arrangements, but I cannot stay long.
00:05Right.
00:09You putting your Christmas tree up? It's a bit early, is it, no?
00:14Yes, well, we were up in the loft anyway, so we just thought we might as well.
00:19You see, I always follow what the church does, and they put it up twelve days before.
00:25No, you're thinking a twelfth night. That's when you take it down.
00:28Yes, a church puts theirs up on the first Sunday of December.
00:33Do they? Well, that's awful early.
00:36I think I'll have to have a word with Father Haggerty about that.
00:39I don't think it was ever up that early on Father Kowalski's day, but he really was a religious man.
00:47Where is it he is now?
00:48B and Q in its hill.
00:50But I don't think I'll bother putting up a tree this year, what with me not being here.
00:55What's this?
00:56I'm going to visit my cousin Dervla in Ireland for Christmas, Eric.
01:00Oh, it's fantastic, Christine. It's so nice that they made contact with you.
01:04Oh, I know, Beth.
01:06And to think if Dervla hadn't sent that saliva sample off to Ancestry.com, we might never have known that we were related.
01:14Imagine if she'd had a dry mouth that day.
01:20Whereabouts are they?
01:21County Galway, Eric.
01:22Oh.
01:23I've got the train to Stronra, a ferry to Larn, a bus into Belfast and then coach down to Galway.
01:31Oh, bet you'd track that.
01:33So, will it be Dervla's whole family?
01:35Oh, yes.
01:36Her husband, Owen, now he's got his own plumbing business, so I will be looking forward to her bath.
01:42Oh, that's definitely on the list.
01:45And then there's our twin girls, Maeve and Aoife.
01:48Oh.
01:49It'll be nice to meet them, because they're actually my, what is it, my first cousins?
01:54No, no, no. Second.
01:56Oh, aye. I'm forgetting they're twins.
01:59Well, you'll have a great time, I'm sure.
02:03Oh, I hope so, Eric. I must say I'm looking forward to it. Although it will be strange not being at home on Christmas Day.
02:12I know you're always keen to have me in here, Beth, so I do feel a bit guilty that I might be letting you down.
02:20Are you sure you're OK with me going?
02:22You're all right.
02:23You'll be fine.
02:24Well, I think it's time we get down to discussing what bag I'm taking, eh?
02:28Ah, well, the thing is, Christine...
02:30Oh, who's this interrupting us?
02:39That's no you get your Christmas tree up already, is it, Beth?
02:42Beth?
02:43Well, it's a bit early, is it, no?
02:45Well, we were up in the loft.
02:47Do you know, just let her do it, Col. It'll brighten up that dingy front room.
02:51I suppose so. It's OK, Beth, that's fine. If it gives you something I'll look forward to, that's OK.
02:56Should we go in and see it?
02:58She'll be put out if we don't. Do you know what she's like?
03:01Right.
03:02We'll just come in for a minute and see it, Beth.
03:07Apparently, the cooked breakfasts on board the Stena line are excellent.
03:14Irene up the high flats told me they serve a black pudding that is technically illegal on dry land.
03:20Ah, here he is. We elf here, helping you paint your tree up, Beth.
03:26He's far too big for an elf, Col.
03:29And there's Christine. How you doing?
03:32Oh, not bad, Colin. That is me all booked up for Ireland for Christmas.
03:37You're going to Ireland for Christmas, are you?
03:39Oh, yes. I'm staying with my cousin Devla in Galway.
03:43Oh, that's nice. You're not going to be here, Christine.
03:47You'll be having a bit of the black stuff over there, eh?
03:49Remember, we went to the Guinness factory when we were in Dublin, Kath.
03:53Oh, God, that place. Oh, I will not be going back there.
03:56Oh, why not?
03:57Only serve as fucking Guinness.
03:59So, is this you getting on set for Christmas, then? What's the plans?
04:03Oh, well, nothing special. It's just the two of us, so just, you know, traditional.
04:08Traditional? Well, you've not made a very good start putting your tree up this fucking early.
04:14And what about you two? Do you know what you're doing?
04:16We're going to that same hotel again on Christmas Day, because we quite like it, don't we?
04:20It's really festive how they decorate it all.
04:23And you get steak instead of turkey, a cocktail instead of Christmas pudding,
04:27and there's a massive smoking section out by the nativity.
04:31The problem we've got is we don't know what presents to get.
04:34Well, I'm fine just with money.
04:36No, I mean, for each other.
04:39Yeah, we're not getting you anything, Eric.
04:41See, we've already got everything, haven't we?
04:43Oh, poor you, right enough.
04:45I always get calling pants for Christmas, but I can't get any more in the drawer.
04:49No. And you can't exactly take the old ones to the charity shop, can you?
04:53No, they don't take them.
04:55Well, certainly the British Heart Foundation don't.
04:57Though Irene did tell me about a website where there seems to be quite a lot of interest.
05:04We were just going up to the charity shop once we'd finished the tree.
05:08Are you getting yourself something, Beth?
05:09Well, it is finished, really, apart from turning on the lights.
05:13OK, then. Let's see the big switch on.
05:16Come on, Eric. Up off your fat arse.
05:18Here, Beth, this reminds me of that time we saw Marty Perlis switch on the lights in Clyde Bank.
05:27Do you remember that, Beth?
05:28I do.
05:29I'm not actually sure whether he was on the heroin at that point, because we were quite far back, you know?
05:35Right. We all ready?
05:36Aye.
05:37Yeah.
05:37Come on, Eric.
05:38Come on, Eric.
05:38Well, you know, you can always stop by the dump as well.
05:55Don't know how much longer I'm going to manage getting in and out of this seat, Alan.
05:59You might start getting in the back?
06:00No, I mean, you might not get a card or get on my insurance or something.
06:04Aye, right, right.
06:06I didn't really start to struggle on the stairs as well.
06:09You may be charted to gym too soon.
06:14Look!
06:15Beth's got her Christmas tree up.
06:18Do you think we should go over and say a wee quick hello and see it?
06:23Nah.
06:25We've got a nice picture of us in front of the Oscar Wilde statue in Dublin, haven't we?
06:29Aye.
06:29Well, you know, my favourite quote of his is when he was going through customs in America
06:34and he said,
06:36I have nothing to declare but my genius.
06:41Well, I prefer the statue of Morley Malone.
06:44You go up, rubber tits brings you luck.
06:46Oh, for God's sake.
06:48I did as well.
06:49We went to Temple Bar after that.
06:51We didn't get hassled by one beggar.
06:53I'll go.
07:01Oh, hello, you two.
07:03Or should that be two and a half?
07:06She's some size new in Cherrick.
07:09Train to Stranraer, ferry to land, bus to Belfast, coach to Galway.
07:14My God, I need a flight to Switzerland after that.
07:17That's a proper Irish road trip, that.
07:19It is, Colin.
07:21But, you know, I now feel I've got a really deep connection to Ireland
07:25now that I know for sure that I've got Irish blood in me.
07:29If you're going to Galway, would you know me better flying to Shannon?
07:34There's that.
07:35Oh, hi, Michelle.
07:37Hi, Alan.
07:38Hi.
07:39Hello, everyone.
07:40Sorry to just appear at your door, Beth.
07:42Don't worry about that.
07:44No-one else does.
07:45How are you, Michelle?
07:47Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
07:48I'm just so tired all the time.
07:51Oh, yeah, you do look really knackered.
07:53Come and sit down, Michelle.
07:55Come on.
07:56Yeah, there we go.
07:58Sit down, yeah.
08:00Who's you, Alan, eh?
08:01Everything all right?
08:03Aye, all right.
08:04Just back for the garage with the van.
08:06Oh, no.
08:07Something wrong with it?
08:08Somebody ran into the back of me, Eric.
08:10Oh, my God, what happened?
08:12Were you eating a sausage roll while you were driving, Alan?
08:14No, I was coming off the motorway to go through the tunnel, and it was a wee jam, so I had
08:19to slow right down.
08:20Next thing I know, somebody's ran into the back of me.
08:23And they'd be on their phone, no doubt.
08:25Aye.
08:26And see the force of it?
08:27Mines flew right out of my hand, under the seat.
08:29They took their time fixing it at the garage, didn't they?
08:32Yeah.
08:32Alan was late picking me up from my antenatal class.
08:35Oh, no.
08:36That's fine, Beth.
08:37You can't see the dent at all.
08:38So, anyway, how are you guys doing?
08:42How's Ian?
08:43Oh, he's fine, aye.
08:45He's coming over to have a look through his old stuff before we junk it.
08:48Are you trying to get rid of every trace of him, Eric?
08:50Have you any baby stuff, Eric?
08:52Because maybe Alan and Michelle might want that.
08:55I remember she used to have them in a lot of brown, Michelle.
08:59Eric, it's fine.
09:00I've ordered loads of stuff already, actually.
09:02You know, the wee baby grows and the jammies and the wee onesies.
09:07They're just all so cute, aren't they?
09:10Oh, they are, Michelle.
09:11Well, until they soil them.
09:14Have you made any decisions on names, Michelle?
09:17No, because we still can't seem to agree on anything, can we?
09:21But, if it's a boy, I like the name Lewis.
09:25Good Scottish name, that.
09:28I don't think it says a bit like Lewis, though, Eric.
09:30Look, are you definitely sure you don't want to find out what you're having, Michelle?
09:35I mean, that would make it a bit easier.
09:38No, I just don't want to know.
09:41No, I'm not that interested either, Michelle.
09:44Can I get you a tea or a glass of water or something?
09:47I'd take a water off you if it's not too much trouble, Beth.
09:50What about the rest of us, Beth?
09:52I hear, have you got any mince pies?
09:55A cup of tea and a mince pie, I believe.
09:57Well, the thing is...
09:58Aye, I'd take a mince pie, I wouldn't say no.
10:01First of the season.
10:02No, I fucking hate mince pies.
10:04Have you got the ones with the brandy in them, Beth?
10:06Well, I'd take one of them, though.
10:08No, you see...
10:09You know, I love the ones with all the cream on the top.
10:11Oh, have you tried them?
10:12Oh, I like the sound of them.
10:14Have you got any of them, Beth?
10:15I haven't got any mince pies.
10:18Aw.
10:18You cannae invite us all in here saying it's the start of Christmas and know of any Christmas
10:25stuff in for us.
10:26We didn't do that.
10:27You've got your tree up, Eric.
10:29You know, that sends a message.
10:31It's like the swingers with the pampas grass.
10:33Yes, Eric.
10:34Shut your face.
10:35Is that really a thing, that, the pampas grass?
10:37I thought it was just, like, one of those things folks say.
10:40Oh, no, no, no, no.
10:41There's a couple round the Newbolds that had it, and they were very, very active.
10:46Apparently.
10:47Beth, don't worry about the water, actually.
10:49I'm fine.
10:50Aye, and it makes a baby kick, then she goes on about it.
10:52Don't be daft.
10:53Of course I'll get you a glass of water, and I'm happy to do teas and coffees for anyone
10:58who's wanting.
10:59I just don't have any mince pies.
11:02I mean, we were just clearing out the loft, not declaring that it was officially Christmas.
11:08I mean, I'd like to have the power to do that, but I'm afraid I don't.
11:12OK?
11:17Beth, you don't even have a wee tub of celebrations or nothing, no?
11:22A bit early with the tree, are you not?
11:40What is it, just feeling Christmassy?
11:42I wish we'd never bothered, to be honest.
11:44Quality Street is what I used to get when it was just Sophie and me, you know?
11:52Oh, the green ones were my favourite.
11:55I used to love them.
11:57No, I'm not a bit Sophie.
11:58What ones were hers?
11:59Oh, the other ones.
12:02All right.
12:03Not like you to have a house full.
12:04Aye, son.
12:05How are you, Ian?
12:06How are you, Dad?
12:06How are you, Colin?
12:07How are you, Cathy?
12:08How are you doing, Ian?
12:09Oh, I'm fine.
12:10How are you guys?
12:10Everything OK?
12:11OK, I'm fine.
12:12Not really, Ian.
12:13Somebody went in at the back of my van.
12:15Oh, no.
12:16I know.
12:17I'll just get it back today.
12:18You weren't in it at the time, were you?
12:19No.
12:20Oh, well, could have been worse.
12:21You're saying that, but that was two full days it was after odd.
12:27Anyway, how are you doing, Ian?
12:28How's Gordon?
12:29Aye, he's good.
12:30He's coming over here to meet me after college.
12:31Oh, is he still enjoying it?
12:33Oh, aye, he's loving it.
12:34I'm not loving being the only one earning, no?
12:36No.
12:37And you'll be in a very poor wage as it is, Ian.
12:39What did he pack his job in for anyway, Ian?
12:43Oh, basically, he just wasn't happy.
12:46You see, this is the new thing, isn't it?
12:49You don't like something, you just stop doing it.
12:52Never used to be like that.
12:54No, you just kept going.
12:56That was your lot.
12:57You just had to accept it.
12:59Like you with Eric, Beth.
13:00Right, listen.
13:02You want to look through this stuff from the loft
13:03before we throw it out?
13:04All right, now.
13:05Oh.
13:06OK, where is it?
13:07I'll go and get it.
13:10So, what are you and Gordon up to for Christmas, then?
13:13Oh, just having a quiet one, to be honest.
13:15We did invite them, but they said no.
13:17Oh, Gordon's got an assignment to do over the holidays.
13:20Sort of taking over everything at the minute.
13:21What's it on?
13:22That's the thing.
13:23He can't make up his mind.
13:24Do you think he's quite a weak person, Ian?
13:28We get rid of a lot of other stuff,
13:30but we weren't sure whether he'd want to keep any of this.
13:32God, my old laptop.
13:38I remember the year you got me this.
13:40I remember going to Curry's out at Renfrew to get it.
13:43Oh, that is a nice store, that.
13:45Me and Pat went there to get Sophie our Game Boy.
13:49That was a big present that year.
13:51Did you get her one?
13:52No, they were sold out.
13:54So I just got her a lady shave instead.
13:56And if I remember right,
13:59I think Pat got some Hoover bags.
14:02God, I can remember taking the wrapping off it.
14:04Then straight upstairs and on to the porn, eh, Ian?
14:07Ian, gay porn on Christmas Day.
14:11We didn't want to just throw it out.
14:13No, no, no, listen to you.
14:14He could have some good stuff in it, Eric.
14:16Look, I'll take this, but you can get rid of this.
14:18Oh, are you sure?
14:19That hat and scarf set was a present as well,
14:22and I don't think you've ever worn them.
14:24Ian.
14:25He was always a very ungrateful wee boy, Michelle.
14:30I remember I gave him a banana once,
14:33and he just threw it behind the hut.
14:36You'll need to get your mum something decent for that this year, Ian,
14:39to make up for that.
14:41Just get her a bottle of rosé, Ian.
14:43That's what we do.
14:44She always seems genuinely quite happy.
14:47Sorry, Mum.
14:49I'll take those as well.
14:50Oh, well, if you're sure.
14:52And if you don't like them, maybe Gordon will.
14:54Yeah.
14:54He's got no fashion sense at all, Ian.
14:57I still don't understand how he's starting college at his age.
15:01I mean, is he not too old?
15:03He's a mature student.
15:05Yeah, exactly.
15:06He's a mature student.
15:07I got the train to Stranraa, ferry to Larne, bus to Belfast, coach down to Galway.
15:29Well, that's a hurrier trip, that.
15:31Alan.
15:32It's a fair way, Alan.
15:34But when it is family, it is worth all the effort.
15:37Quite right.
15:38And, you know, you'll be like Santa coming down from the North Pole with your big sack of Christmas presents.
15:43I'll not need to buy them all presents, will I?
15:49Hi, Gordon.
15:50Oh, hiya, Gordon.
15:51Hi, hi.
15:51Gordon, what's that you've got on your head?
15:54Oh, it's my helmet.
15:55I came on my scooter.
15:57You came here by scooter?
15:59Yeah.
16:00I'll be one of those e-scooters.
16:02I quite fancy one myself.
16:04Is that an e-scooter you've got, Gordon?
16:06No, it's just a regular one.
16:10Gordon, come here a minute.
16:12Come here.
16:17That's you.
16:18It was sticking up a bit.
16:22So, how's your course going, Gordon?
16:24Yeah, good.
16:25Yeah.
16:26What is it you're studying again?
16:28Sociology and Literature.
16:29All right.
16:30You're no bothered about getting a job after, are you?
16:33Ian says you've got an assignment to do.
16:35Oh, yeah.
16:37I haven't made up my mind what to do it on yet.
16:39It's meant to be something on cultural change, but it's such a big subject.
16:43Oh, God, yeah.
16:44What about Emmerdale going on to YouTube?
16:47I don't think that's the sort of thing Gordon's studying on his course, Christine.
16:52So it's literature you're doing, is it?
16:55Tell you a good book.
16:56Look, what's that one I read in Aldi?
16:58Oh, fuck that.
16:59You wouldn't put that down.
17:00He was reading it in bed.
17:02I know, I could write into it, so I did.
17:03I know what it was.
17:04It was Duncan Bannatine's autobiography.
17:07You read that, Gordon?
17:08Er, no.
17:09What about Maeve Binchy?
17:11You read any hers?
17:12All set in Ireland.
17:14They'll not be doing Maeve Binchy books in the literature course.
17:17I know it.
17:18There's fucking tons of them.
17:19I see you've got your Christmas tree up, Mrs. Bed.
17:23Well, it's awful early, is it not, Gordon?
17:27You've no good years up, have you?
17:28Well, no.
17:30It's also shit.
17:31Look at the state of it.
17:33It'll look great when you've got the rest of the decorations up.
17:38You're not saying this is it, are you?
17:40Well, we were having a clear out, and there was decorations there that we'd had for years.
17:44They were a bit tatty.
17:46Erm, if you throw out everything tatty, you're not going to have anything left.
17:51Aw, Beth, we've got absolutely loads of Christmas decorations if you want some, haven't we, Alan?
17:55Aye.
17:56She can't go past them in the shop without buying them.
17:58It's the same with toilet rolls.
18:00You've both got hundreds of them.
18:02Nah, no, that's very kind, Michelle.
18:04Look, we've got piles of old ones as well.
18:06Aye, you could always have mine, Beth, since I'm going to be in Ireland.
18:10Alan, are we going to get some for Beth and Eric?
18:13Michelle, no, we...
18:14Oh, honestly, Eric, it's fine.
18:16We've got way more than we've got room to put up, so...
18:18Come on, Eric, it's fucking miserable in here.
18:27Are we ready?
18:28Yes, good.
18:28Yeah.
18:28OK.
18:32Aw!
18:37That's proper Christmassy now, isn't it?
18:39Well, not till we get a bottle open.
18:41What about you boys?
18:45Well, shh!
18:46I won't tell anyone you're driving your scooter drunk, Gordon.
18:49Em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em!
18:53Yeah, I'll take one, if that's OK with you, Michelle.
18:55Oh, yeah, you guys go ahead.
18:57I'll just stick to my water.
18:58Did you not realise that being pregnant was going to be really boring, Michelle?
19:03Is it OK if I have a lager?
19:05Of course it is, Alan.
19:07Are you just saying that now and you'll give me a row later?
19:09Or do you really mean it?
19:12I think I've got a bottle of fizz in the fridge.
19:15Woo!
19:16You know when I think it feels like Christmas is coming?
19:19When you hear the Christmas songs on the radio.
19:21Yeah, I love Christmas songs.
19:23Hey, Eric, have you got that Christmas album?
19:26I think I do.
19:27As long as you haven't even thrown it out.
19:29Yes, Eric, you big, stupid donkey.
19:32So when is it you're off to Ireland, Christine?
19:34Oh, not until the 21st, Michelle.
19:37Oh, God, it's just so exciting.
19:40You're going to have such a brilliant time.
19:42We loved Dublin, didn't we?
19:43We were saying earlier, Alan,
19:45that the Guinness that you get in the Guinness factory
19:47isn't like anywhere else.
19:48Aye, it's 20 fucking euro.
19:52Aww!
19:53Right, everyone want one?
20:04Sorry, Michelle.
20:05Oh, Beth, don't worry, I'm fine.
20:07I like my water.
20:08It's all right, Michelle.
20:09You can get pissed again once the baby's here.
20:11Well, this is a bit more like it, eh?
20:13Cheers, everybody.
20:15Aye, cheers.
20:16Cheers.
20:17Here, Beth,
20:19could you go and get me that wee glass that I like?
20:22I don't like the way this one feels in my hand.
20:26Oh.
20:29Thanks.
20:30Here, I hope you won't be so fussed over on Ireland, Christine,
20:33but they'll send you back.
20:37Dad, stick it on to the next song.
20:39I can't be bothered with this one.
20:40It goes on for ages.
20:44Oh, no, no, no, Cole.
20:46No, no, no, I hate this one.
20:47Get it off.
20:47She hates this.
20:49Why do you not like it, Cathy?
20:50I don't like the sound of children singing, Gordon.
20:55Now, this, this is a classic.
20:57Oh, does this one not do your head in?
21:00Would you not like it, Alan?
21:01Oh, it's all right, but you hear it everywhere you go, don't you?
21:04It is a bit ubiquitous, yeah.
21:07I'll tell you what you hear everywhere.
21:10Band-Aid.
21:10Oh, it was amazing what they did with that.
21:13Yes.
21:14Although, there is a bit of a backlash against it now.
21:19Against Band-Aid.
21:20Is it because Bono's a wank?
21:22Alan.
21:23It is, but...
21:23It's just, they think it maybe did more harm than good,
21:26because it made people feel they'd solved the problem of global inequality,
21:30when, in actual fact, it's worsened with the impact of climate change.
21:33Plus, there's the whole white saviour thing, which is quite toxic as well.
21:39Oh.
21:40I didn't realise it was so controversial.
21:43Well, it's an interesting debate.
21:45I personally think that the...
21:46This is the best one ever.
21:50Oh, I do like this.
21:52What is it?
21:53The Pogues.
21:54Shane McGowan.
21:55Always pissed.
21:57Oh, him, yes.
21:58There's a couple of names for you, Michelle.
22:00What?
22:00Well, Shane for a boy, or Kirsty for a girl.
22:03Oh, a good Irish name, that, Michelle.
22:06Shane.
22:07Actually, I quite like those.
22:10Aye.
22:11Wee Shane Edgar.
22:13Sounds good, doesn't it?
22:14Or Kirsty.
22:15Aye, that's all right, I know.
22:18Here, Christine.
22:19This is the one where the choir's singing Galway Bay.
22:22That's where you'll be at Christmas.
22:24Oh, here, so it is.
22:26Christine, it's just going to feel really weird
22:28you've been away at your cousin's for Christmas.
22:33Beth.
22:39Do you think it's going to be okay?
22:42What do you mean?
22:43Me going to deathless, but it's...
22:45Well, it's just I know that sometimes
22:48I can be a wee bit demanding.
22:51Oh, Christine.
22:53What if they end up wishing
22:54they'd ever made contact with me
22:56and can't wait to see the back of me?
22:58You're going to have a wonderful time.
23:01Christmas is for families,
23:02and they're your family.
23:04They're going to be thrilled you're there.
23:06Do you think so?
23:07Yes.
23:11Here, Beth.
23:13You know how I'm getting the train to Stranra
23:16and then to getting the ferry?
23:17Yes.
23:18Train to Stranra,
23:20ferry to Larne,
23:21bus to Belfast,
23:22and coach to Galloway.
23:23You okay to give me a lift into the station?
23:27Yes.
23:28You okay there, Gordon?
23:30Any problem with this song?
23:32Well, it depends which version it is.
23:34What?
23:35Well, there's a word in the song
23:37that's quite offensive, so...
23:38What word?
23:39Well, I don't really want to say it.
23:41I think I know what it is.
23:43What is it, Beth?
23:43Is it scumbag?
23:44What is wrong with scumbag?
23:46It rhymes with maggot.
23:48It rhymes with maggot?
23:50Maybe just forward it on to the next one.
23:51What rhymes with maggot?
23:53I know.
23:54I know!
23:55What is it?
23:56It begins with an F, Christine.
23:59Fuck with it.
24:01Look, maybe just put it off, Dad.
24:04What is it?
24:08What's wrong with that?
24:10It's quite offensive,
24:11especially to gay people.
24:13I thought it was Poofter was the man
24:15that he's done like.
24:16Look, it's getting to the point
24:18you can't say anything
24:19without offending someone.
24:20Oh, here we go.
24:22Well, it's ridiculous.
24:23I mean, you can't even have a bit
24:24of homophobic swearing
24:26in a Christmas song anymore.
24:29I think it's more
24:30we're just becoming more aware
24:32of how the things we say
24:33impact on other people
24:34and a recognition that
24:36some terms that were once
24:37in common usage
24:38were, in fact, offensive, frankly.
24:41We should probably make a move.
24:42What other words can we not say, Gordon?
24:45Well, it's not up to me.
24:46What about Fanny?
24:48If someone was to call you
24:49a silly Fanny,
24:50would you be offended by that?
24:52Kathy.
24:52Well, I wouldn't really be offended,
24:55but, I mean,
24:55if we're going to get into it,
24:56I don't really think anyone
24:57should be using a female body part
24:59as an insult.
25:00Does that mean that you
25:01cannae say...
25:01Christine?
25:03What about Dick?
25:04Can you still call someone a Dick?
25:06That's less bad.
25:07Oh, thank God for that.
25:09I see Dick quite a lot, don't I?
25:11I may as well.
25:12Why is Dick not as bad, Gordon?
25:15Well, it's that men
25:16have historically been
25:18the dominant gender, so...
25:19What about wanker, Gordon?
25:21Cos technically that's...
25:22that's either, isn't it?
25:24Arsehole.
25:24You know, we've all got one of those.
25:26And where would the gays be
25:27without them?
25:28Oh, for...
25:29I really think we should head.
25:32You know what I think, Gordon?
25:33What?
25:36I think you should do
25:38your assignment on all of this.
25:40Language and all that.
25:42How it's changed.
25:44You really know
25:45what you're talking about.
25:46Well, I don't think that's...
25:48I can't really see how that would...
25:54Actually, that's a really good idea.
25:59Don't forget your hat and scarf.
26:03Ah, yeah.
26:04See about that.
26:06Do you mind if we don't do presents this year?
26:08Oh, right.
26:09Yeah, it's just...
26:11We're a bit skint this year
26:12with me being at college.
26:14Is that why you're not coming over
26:15on Christmas Day?
26:18Kinda, yeah.
26:20Do not worry about presents,
26:22but come over for dinner.
26:24We'd love to have you.
26:26Right, OK.
26:29Cheers, Mum.
26:32Erm, no hugs for me, Gordon.
26:43That's a nice kiss for you as well.
26:47Bye, Ian.
26:48Oh, is that your scooter, Gordon?
26:58Yeah.
26:59Ooh.
27:00I wonder if Cole would like one of those.
27:02Oh, my God, I could get him one
27:03for his Christmas.
27:04Cole!
27:05Cole!
27:06Come and get a look
27:06at Gordon's scooter.
27:09What's happening?
27:10I think Cole has got it
27:11if I go on Gordon's scooter.
27:14Oh, I'd quite like to see that.
27:16I haven't been in one of these
27:19for years.
27:20Go on, Cole!
27:23Whee!
27:25Woo!
27:29Whoa!
27:31Oh!
27:33Oh, I'm a fucking van!
27:35Oh!
27:35Oh!
27:35Oh!
27:35Oh!
27:35Oh!
27:35Oh!
27:35Oh!
27:35Oh!
27:36Oh!
27:36Oh!
27:36Oh!
27:37Oh!
27:37Oh!
27:37Oh!
27:38Oh!
27:38Oh!
27:38Oh!
27:39Oh!
27:39Oh!
27:40Oh!
27:40Oh!
27:41Oh!
27:42Oh!
27:42Oh!
27:43Oh!
27:44Oh!
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