- 2 days ago
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00:00Of course I do. We're in the middle of a big clear art and I'm just a wee bit busy.
00:04Right, okay. I'll come in and I'll talk you through the arrangements, but I cannot stay long.
00:14You putting your Christmas tree up? It's a bit early, is it, no?
00:20Yes, well, we were up in my loft anyway, so we just thought we might as well.
00:23Oh, you see, I always follow what the church does and they put it up twelve days before.
00:30No, you're thinking a twelfth night. That's when you take it down.
00:34Yes, a church puts theirs up on the first Sunday of December.
00:37Do they? Well, that's awful early. I think I'll have to have a word with Father Haggerty about that.
00:44I don't think it was ever up that early on Father Kowalski's day, but he really was a religious man.
00:52Where is it he is now?
00:53Be in Cue in its hill.
00:56But I don't think I'll bother putting up a tree this year, what with me not being here.
01:00What's this?
01:01I'm going to visit my cousin Dervla in Ireland for Christmas, Eric.
01:05Oh, it's fantastic, Christine. It's so nice that they made contact with you.
01:09Oh, I know, Beth. And to think if Dervla hadn't sent that saliva sample off to Ancestry.com,
01:16we might never have known that we were related.
01:19Imagine if she'd had a dry mouth that day.
01:24And whereabouts are they?
01:25County Galway, Eric.
01:26Down to Galway, Eric.
01:28Oh.
01:28I've got the train to Stronra, a ferry to Larn, a bus into Belfast and then coach down to Galway.
01:35Oh, bet you'd attract that.
01:37So, will it be Dervla's whole family?
01:40Oh, yes.
01:40Her husband Owen, now he's got his own plumbing business, so I will be looking forward to her bath.
01:47That's definitely on the list.
01:50And then there's our twin girls, Maeve and Aoife.
01:53Oh.
01:53It'll be nice to meet them, because they're actually my, what is it, my first cousins.
01:59No, no, no. Second.
02:01Oh, aye. I'm forgetting they're twins.
02:05Well, you'll have a great time, I'm sure.
02:07Oh, I hope so, Eric. I must say I'm looking forward to it. Although it will be strange not being at home on Christmas Day.
02:17I know you're always keen to have me in here, Beth, so I do feel a bit guilty that I might be letting you down.
02:25Are you sure you're okay with me going?
02:27You're all right.
02:28You'll be fine.
02:29Well, I think it's time we get down to discussing what bag I'm taking, eh?
02:33Ah, well, the thing is, Christine.
02:35Oh, who's this interrupting us?
02:44That's no you get your Christmas tree up already, is it, Beth?
02:47Beth?
02:48Well, it's a bit early, is it, no?
02:50Well, we were up in the loft.
02:52Do you know, just let her do it, Col.
02:53It'll brighten up that dingy front room.
02:56I suppose so.
02:57It's okay, Beth, that's fine.
02:58If it gives you something I'll look forward to, that's okay.
03:01Should we go in and see it?
03:02Oh, she'll be put out if we don't.
03:05Do you know what she's like?
03:06Right.
03:07We'll just come in for a minute and see it, Beth.
03:12Apparently, the cooked breakfasts on board the Stenna Line are excellent, huh?
03:19Irene up the high flats told me they serve a black pudding that is technically illegal on dry land.
03:27Ah, here he is.
03:28A wee elf here helping you pin your tree up, Beth.
03:30He's far too big for an elf, Col.
03:34Hon, there's Christine.
03:36How you doing?
03:37Oh, not bad, Colin.
03:38That is me all booked up for Ireland for Christmas.
03:42You're going to Ireland for Christmas, are you?
03:44Oh, yes.
03:45I'm staying with my cousin Devler in Galway.
03:48Oh, that's nice.
03:50You're not going to be here, Christine.
03:52You'll be having a bit of the black stuff over there, eh?
03:54Remember, we went to the Guinness factory when we were in Dublin, Kath.
03:58Oh, God, that place.
03:59Oh, I will not be going back there.
04:01Oh, why not?
04:02Only serve as fucking Guinness.
04:04So is this you getting all set for Christmas then?
04:06What's the plans?
04:08Oh, well, nothing special.
04:10It's just the two of us, so just, you know, traditional.
04:13Traditional?
04:14Well, you've not made a very good start putting your tree up this fucking early.
04:19And what about you two?
04:20Do you know what you're doing?
04:21We're going to that same hotel again on Christmas Day,
04:24because we quite like it, don't we?
04:25It's really festive how they decorate it all.
04:28And you get steak instead of turkey,
04:30a cocktail instead of Christmas pudding,
04:32and there's a massive smoking section out by the Nativity.
04:36The problem we've got is we don't know what presents to get.
04:39Well, I'm fine just with money.
04:41No, I mean, for each other.
04:44Yeah, we're not getting you anything, Eric.
04:46See, we've already got everything, haven't we?
04:48Oh, poor you, right enough.
04:50I always get called in pants for Christmas,
04:52but I can't get any more in the drawer.
04:54No, and you can't exactly take the old ones to the charity shop, can you?
04:58No, they don't take them.
05:00Well, certainly the British Heart Foundation don't.
05:02Though Irene did tell me about a website where there seems to be quite a lot of interest.
05:09We were just going up to the charity shop once we'd finished the tree.
05:13Are you getting yourself something, Beth?
05:14Well, it is finished, really, apart from turning on the lights.
05:18OK, then. Let's see the big switch on.
05:21Come on, Eric. Up off your fat arse.
05:26Here, Beth.
05:26This reminds me of that time we saw Marty Pellows switch on the lights in Clyde Bank.
05:32Do you remember that, Beth?
05:33I do.
05:34I'm not actually sure whether he was on the heroin at that point,
05:37because we were quite far back, you know?
05:40Right. We all ready?
05:41Hi. Yeah.
05:42Come on, Eric.
05:47Well, you know, you can always stop by the dump as well.
06:00Don't know how much longer I'm going to manage getting in and out of this seat, Alan.
06:03You won't start getting on the back?
06:05No, I mean, you might need to get a card or get on my insurance or something.
06:09Oh, aye. Right, right.
06:11I'm really starting to struggle on the stairs as well.
06:13You maybe chuck the gym too soon.
06:19Look! Beth's got her Christmas tree up.
06:22Do you think we should go over and say a wee quick hello and see it?
06:25There.
06:30We've got a nice picture of us in front of the Oscar Wilde statue in Dublin, haven't we?
06:34Aye. Oh, you know, my favourite quote of his is when he was going through customs in America
06:39and he said,
06:41I have nothing to declare but my genius.
06:46Well, I preferred the statue of Morley Malone.
06:48You go up, rubber tits, brings you luck.
06:51Oh, for God's sake.
06:52I did as well.
06:54We went to Temple Bar after that.
06:56We didn't get hassled by one beggar.
07:01I'll go.
07:07Oh, hello, you two.
07:08Or should that be two and a half?
07:11She's some size new, ain't she, Eric?
07:14Train to Stranraer, ferry to Larn, bus to Belfast, coach to Galway.
07:19My God, I need a flight to Switzerland after that.
07:22That's a proper Irish road trip, that.
07:24It is, Colin.
07:26But you know, I now feel I've got a really deep connection to Ireland now that I know for sure
07:32that I've got Irish blood in me.
07:34If you're going to Galway, would you not be a better fan of Shannon?
07:39Where's that?
07:40Oh, hi, Michelle.
07:42Hi, Alan.
07:42Hi.
07:43Hello, everyone.
07:45Sorry to just appear at your door, Beth.
07:48Don't worry about that.
07:49No-one else does.
07:50How are you, Michelle?
07:52Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
07:54Just so tired all the time.
07:56Oh, yeah, you do look really knackered.
07:59Come and sit down, Michelle.
08:00Come on.
08:01Hey, there we go.
08:04Sit down, yeah.
08:05Who's you, Alan, eh?
08:06Everything all right?
08:08Aye, all right.
08:09Just back for the garage with the van.
08:11Oh, no.
08:12Something wrong with it?
08:13Somebody ran into the back of me, Eric.
08:15Oh, my God.
08:16What happened?
08:17Were you eating a sausage roll while you were driving, Alan?
08:19No, I was coming off the motorway to go through the tunnel
08:22and it was a wee jam, so I had to slow right down.
08:25Next thing I know, somebody's ran into the back of me.
08:28And they'd be on their phone, no doubt.
08:30Aye.
08:31And see the force of it?
08:32Mines flew right out of my hand, under the seat.
08:34They took their time fixing it at the garage, didn't they?
08:37Yeah.
08:37Alan was late picking me up from my antenatal class.
08:40Oh, no.
08:41That's fine, Beth.
08:42You can't see the dent at all.
08:44So, anyway, how are you guys doing?
08:47How's Ian?
08:48Oh, he's fine, aye.
08:50He's coming over to have a look through his old stuff before we junk it.
08:53Are you trying to get rid of every trace of him, Eric?
08:55Have you any baby stuff, Eric?
08:57Because maybe Alan and Michelle might want that.
09:00I remember she used to have them in a lot of brown, Michelle.
09:04Eric, it's fine.
09:05I've ordered loads of stuff already, actually.
09:08You know, the wee baby grows and the jammies and the wee onesies.
09:12They're just all so cute, aren't they?
09:15Oh, they are, Michelle.
09:16Well, until they soil them.
09:19Have you made any decisions on names, Michelle?
09:22No, because we still can't seem to agree on anything, can we?
09:25But if it's a boy, I like the name Lewis.
09:30Good Scottish name, that.
09:32I don't think it says a bit like Lewis, though, Eric.
09:36Honey, you're definitely sure you don't want to find out what you're having, Michelle?
09:40I mean, that would make it a bit easier.
09:42No, I just don't want to know.
09:45No, I'm not that interested either, Michelle.
09:49Can I get you a tea or a glass of water or something?
09:52I'd take a water off you if it's not too much trouble, Beth.
09:55What about the rest of us, Beth?
09:57I hear, have you got any mince pies?
09:59A wee cup of tea and a mince pie, I'd be nice.
10:02Well, the thing is...
10:03Why? A tea and a mince pie?
10:05I wouldn't say no.
10:06First of the season.
10:07I fucking hate mince pies.
10:09Have you got the ones with the brandy in them, Beth?
10:11Well, I'll take one of them, though.
10:13No, you see...
10:14You know, I love the ones with all the cream on the top.
10:16Oh, have you tried them?
10:17Oh, I like the sound of them.
10:19Have you got any of them, Beth?
10:20I haven't got any mince pies.
10:22Aww.
10:25You cannae invite us all in here,
10:27saying it's the start of Christmas
10:29and know of any Christmas stuff in for us.
10:31We didn't do that.
10:32You've got your tree up, Eric.
10:34You know, that sends a message.
10:36It's like the swingers with the pampas grass.
10:38Yes, Eric. Shut your face.
10:40Is that really a thing, that, the pampas grass?
10:42I thought it was just, like, one of those things folks say.
10:44Oh, no, no, no, no. There's a couple round the new bulbs that had it,
10:48and they were very, very active.
10:51Apparently.
10:52Beth, don't worry about the water, actually. I'm fine.
10:54Aye, and it makes a baby kick, then she goes on about it.
10:57Don't be daft. Of course I'll get you a glass of water,
11:00and I'm happy to do teas and coffees for anyone who's wanting.
11:04I just don't have any mince pies.
11:07I mean, we were just clearing out the loft,
11:10not declaring that it was officially Christmas.
11:14I mean, I'd like to have the power to do that,
11:15but I'm afraid I don't.
11:17OK?
11:22Beth.
11:23You don't even have a wee tub of celebrations or nothing, no?
11:34A bit early with the tree, are you not?
11:45What, is it just feeling Christmassy?
11:47I wish we'd never bothered, to be honest.
11:52Quality Street is what I used to get when it was just Sophie and me, you know?
11:58Oh, the green ones were my favourite. I used to love them.
12:02No, I'm not a bit Sophie. What ones were hers?
12:04Oh, the other ones.
12:07All right. Not like you to have a house full.
12:09Aye, son.
12:10Hi, Ian.
12:11Hi, Dad.
12:11Hi, Colin.
12:12Hi, Kathy.
12:13How you doing, Ian?
12:14Oh, I'm fine.
12:15How are you guys? Everything OK?
12:16OK.
12:17Not really, Ian.
12:18Somebody went in at the back of my van.
12:20Oh, no.
12:21I know. I'll just get it back today.
12:23You weren't in it at the time, were you?
12:24No.
12:25Oh, well. Could have been worse.
12:26You're saying that, but that was two full days it was off the road.
12:32Anyway, how are you doing, Ian? How's Gordon?
12:34Aye, he's good. He's coming over here to meet me after college.
12:36Oh, is he still enjoying it?
12:38Oh, aye. He's loving it.
12:39I'm not loving being the only one earning, no?
12:41Oh.
12:42And you'll be in a very poor wage as it is, Ian.
12:46What did he pack his job in for anyway, Ian?
12:48Oh, basically he just wasn't happy.
12:51Oh, you see, this is the new thing, isn't it?
12:54You don't like something, you just stop doing it.
12:57Never used to be like that.
12:59No, you just kept going. That was your lot.
13:02You just had to accept it.
13:04Like you with Eric, Beth.
13:05Right, listen.
13:06You want to look through this stuff from the loft before we throw it out?
13:09All right, now.
13:10Oh.
13:11OK, where is it?
13:12I'll go and get it.
13:15So, what are you and Gordon up to for Christmas, then?
13:18Oh, just having a quiet one, to be honest.
13:19We did invite them, but they said no.
13:21Oh, Gordon's got an assignment to do over the holidays.
13:24Sort of taking over everything at the minute.
13:26What's it on?
13:27That's the thing. He can't make up his mind.
13:29Do you think he's quite a weak person, Ian?
13:33We get rid of a lot of other stuff, but we weren't sure
13:36whether you'd want to keep any of this.
13:40God, my old laptop.
13:43I remember the year you got me this.
13:45I remember going to Curry's out at Renfrew to get it.
13:48Oh, that is a nice store, that.
13:51Me and Pat went there to get Sophie her Game Boy.
13:54That was a big present that year.
13:56Did you get her one?
13:57No, they were sold out.
13:59So I just got her a lady shave instead.
14:02And if I remember right, I think Pat gets some Hoover bags.
14:07God, I can remember taking the wrapping off it.
14:09And straight upstairs and onto the porn, eh, Ian?
14:12Ian, gay porn on Christmas Day.
14:16We didn't want to just throw it out.
14:18No, no, no. Listen, he could have some good stuff in it, Eric.
14:21Look, I'll take this, but you can get rid of this.
14:23Oh, are you sure?
14:24That hat and scarf set was a present as well.
14:27And I don't think you've ever worn them.
14:29Ian, he was always a very ungrateful wee boy, Michelle.
14:35I remember I gave him a banana once,
14:38and he just threw it behind the hut.
14:41You'll need to get your mum something decent for that this year, Ian,
14:44to make up for that.
14:46Just get her a bottle of rosé, Ian.
14:48That's what we do.
14:49She always seems genuinely quite happy.
14:53Sorry, Mum.
14:54I'll take those as well.
14:55Oh, well, if you're sure.
14:57And if you don't like them, maybe Gordon will.
14:59Yeah, he's got no fashion sense at all, Ian.
15:02I still don't understand how he's starting college at his age.
15:06I mean, is he no too old?
15:08He's a mature student.
15:10Yeah, exactly.
15:11He's a mature student.
15:20Hello.
15:21How's it going?
15:23Are we going just now, or am I coming in?
15:25No, I'm coming in, aren't I?
15:26Righto.
15:28I get the train to Strenra, ferry to Larne, bus to Belfast,
15:32coach down to Galway.
15:34That's a hurrier trip, that.
15:36Alan.
15:37It's a fair way, Alan.
15:39But when it is family, it is worth all the effort.
15:42Quite right.
15:43And you know, you'll be like Santa coming down from the North Pole
15:46with your big sack of Christmas presents.
15:49I'll no need to buy them all presents, will I?
15:54Hi, Gordon.
15:55Oh, hiya, Gordon.
15:56Hi, hi.
15:56Gordon, what's that you've got on your head?
15:59Oh, it's my helmet.
16:00I came on my scooter.
16:02You came here by scooter?
16:04Yeah.
16:05I'll be one of those e-scooters.
16:08What do you fancy one myself?
16:09Is that an e-scooter you've got, Gordon?
16:11No, it's just a regular one.
16:15Jordan, come here a minute.
16:17Come here.
16:17That's you.
16:23It was, er, sticking up a bit.
16:27So how's your course going, Gordon?
16:29Yeah, good, yeah.
16:31What is it you're studying again?
16:32Sociology and Literature.
16:34Oh, right.
16:35You're no bothered about getting a job after, are you?
16:38Ian says you've got an assignment to do.
16:40Oh, yeah.
16:42I haven't made up my mind what to do it on yet.
16:44It's meant to be something on cultural change, but it's such a big subject.
16:47Oh, God, yeah.
16:49What about Emmerdale going onto YouTube?
16:52I don't think that's the sort of thing Gordon's studying on his course, Christine.
16:57So it's Literature you're doing, is it?
17:00Tell you a good book.
17:01What's that one I read on holiday?
17:03Oh, fuck that.
17:04You wouldn't put that down.
17:05He was reading it in bed.
17:07I know.
17:07I got right into it, so I did.
17:08I know what it was.
17:09It was Duncan Bannatine's Autobiography.
17:12You read that, Gordon?
17:13Er, no.
17:14What about Maeve Benchy?
17:16You read any hers?
17:17All set in Ireland.
17:19They'll not be doing Maeve Benchy books in the literature course.
17:22I know it.
17:23There's fucking tons of them.
17:26I see you've got your Christmas tree up, Mrs. Baird.
17:28Well, it's awful early, is it not, Gordon?
17:32You've not got yours up, have you?
17:33Well, no, but...
17:35It's also shit.
17:36Look at the state of it.
17:38It'll look great when you've got the rest of the decorations up.
17:43You're not saying this is it, are you?
17:45Well, we were having a clear out, and there was decorations there that we'd had for years.
17:49They were a bit tatty.
17:52If you throw everything tatty, you're not going to have anything left.
17:55Aw, Beth, we've got absolutely loads of Christmas decorations if you want some, haven't we, Alan?
18:00Aye.
18:01She can't go past them in the short without buying them.
18:03It's the same with toilet rolls.
18:05You've both got hundreds of them.
18:07I know.
18:07That's very kind, Michelle.
18:09Look, we've got piles of old ones as well.
18:11Aye, you could always have mine, Beth, since I'm going to be in Ireland.
18:15Alan, away you go and get some for Beth and Eric.
18:18Michelle, no, we...
18:19Oh, honestly, Eric, it's fine.
18:21We've got way more than we've got room to put up, so...
18:23Come on, Eric, it's fucking miserable in here.
18:32Are we ready?
18:32Hey, Scott.
18:42That's proper Christmassy now, isn't it?
18:44Well, not till we get a bottle open.
18:48What about you boys?
18:50Shh, I won't tell anyone you're driving your scooter drunk, Gordon.
18:58Yeah, I'll take one, if that's OK with you, Michelle.
19:00Oh, yeah, you guys, go ahead. I'll just stick to my water.
19:03Oh, did you not realise that being pregnant was going to be really boring, Michelle?
19:08Is it OK if I have a lager?
19:10Of course it is, Alan.
19:12Are you just saying that now and you'll give me a row later?
19:14Or do you really mean it?
19:17I think I've got a bottle of fizz in the fridge.
19:21You know when I think it feels like Christmas is coming?
19:24When you hear the Christmas songs on the radio.
19:26Yeah, I love Christmas songs.
19:28Hey, Eric, have you got that Christmas album?
19:30I think I do.
19:32As long as you haven't thrown it out.
19:34Yes, Eric, you big stupid donkey.
19:37So when is it you're off to Ireland, Christine?
19:39Oh, not until the 21st, Michelle.
19:42Oh, God, it's just so exciting.
19:45You're going to have such a brilliant time.
19:47We loved Dublin, didn't we?
19:48We were saying earlier, Alan, that the Guinness that you get in the Guinness factory
19:52isn't like anywhere else.
19:53Aye, it's 20 fucking euro.
19:58Awww.
19:59Hey.
20:00Hey.
20:01Oh.
20:04Right, everyone want one?
20:05Faith.
20:08Sorry, Michelle.
20:10Oh, Beth, don't worry, I'm fine.
20:12I like my water.
20:13Sorry, Michelle, you can get pissed again once the baby's here.
20:16Well, this is a bit more like it, eh?
20:18Cheers, everybody.
20:19Cheers.
20:20Aye, cheers.
20:21Cheers.
20:22Here, Beth, could you go and get me that wee glass that I like?
20:27I don't like the way this one feels in my hand.
20:30Oh.
20:35Here, I hope you won't be so fussed over on Ireland, Christine,
20:38or they'll send you back.
20:39Dad, stick it on to the next song.
20:44I can't be bothered by this one, it goes on for ages.
20:50Oh, no, no, no, Cole.
20:51No, no, no, I hate this one, get it off.
20:52She hates this.
20:54Why do you not like it, Cathy?
20:55I don't like the sound of children singing, Gordon.
21:00Now this, this is a classic.
21:02Oh, does this one not do your head in?
21:04What, do you not like it, Alan?
21:06Look, it's all right, but you hear it everywhere you go, don't you?
21:09It is a bit ubiquitous, yeah.
21:12I'll tell you what you hear everywhere.
21:14Band-Aid.
21:15Oh, it was amazing what they did with that.
21:18Oh, yes.
21:20Although there is a bit of a backlash against it now.
21:24Against Band-Aid?
21:25Is it cos Bono's a wank?
21:26Alan.
21:27It is, but...
21:28It's just they think it maybe did more harm than good,
21:31cos it made people feel they'd solved the problem of global inequality
21:35when, in actual fact, it's worsened with the impact of climate change.
21:39Plus, there's the whole white saviour thing,
21:41which is quite toxic as well.
21:44Oh.
21:45I didn't realise it was so controversial.
21:48Well, it's an interesting debate.
21:50I personally think that the...
21:53This is the best one ever.
21:55Oh, I do like this.
21:57What is it?
21:58The Pogs.
21:59Shame again.
22:00Always pissed.
22:02Oh, him, yes.
22:03There's a couple of names for you, Michelle.
22:05What?
22:05Well, Shane for a boy or Kirsty for a girl.
22:08Oh, a good Irish name, that, Michelle.
22:11Shane.
22:12Actually, I...
22:14I quite like those.
22:15Oh, aye.
22:16Wee Shane Edgar.
22:18Sounds good, doesn't it?
22:19Or Kirsty.
22:20Aye, that's all right, I know.
22:23Here, Christine.
22:24This is the one where the choir's singing Galway Bay.
22:27That's where you'll be at Christmas.
22:29Oh, yes, so it is.
22:31Christine, it's just going to feel really weird,
22:33you being away at your cousin's for Christmas.
22:38Beth.
22:44Do you think it's going to be okay?
22:47What do you mean?
22:48Me going to deathless, but it's...
22:50Well, it's just I know that sometimes I can be a wee bit demanding.
22:56Oh, Christine.
22:58What if they end up wishing they'd ever made contact with me
23:01and kind of wait to see the back of me?
23:03You're going to have a wonderful time.
23:06Christmas is for families and they're your family.
23:09They're going to be thrilled you're there.
23:11Do you think so?
23:12Yes.
23:16Here, Beth.
23:18You know how I'm getting the train to stren-ra and end of getting the fairy?
23:22Yes.
23:23Train to stren-ra, fairy to learn,
23:26bus to Belfast and coach to Galloway.
23:28You okay to give me a lift into the station?
23:32Yes.
23:33You okay there, Gordon?
23:35Any problem with this song?
23:37Well, it depends which version it is.
23:39What?
23:40Well, there's a word in the song that's quite offensive, so...
23:43What word?
23:44Well, I don't really want to say it.
23:46I think I know what it is.
23:47What is it, Beth?
23:48Is it scumbag?
23:49What is wrong with scumbag?
23:51It rhymes with maggot.
23:53It rhymes with maggot?
23:55Maybe just forward it on to the next one.
23:57What rhymes with maggot?
23:58I know.
23:59I know!
24:00What is it?
24:01It begins with an F, Christine.
24:03Fuck what?
24:05Look, maybe just put it off, Dad.
24:09What is it?
24:13What's wrong with that?
24:14It's quite offensive, especially to gay people.
24:18I thought it was Poofter was the one that he's done like.
24:21Look, it's getting to the point you cannae say anything without offending someone.
24:25Oh, here we go.
24:26Well, it's ridiculous.
24:28I mean, you cannae even have a bit of homophobic swearing in a Christmas song any more.
24:34I think it's more we're just becoming more aware of how the things we say impact on other
24:39people and a recognition that some terms that were once in common usage were in fact
24:44offensive, frankly.
24:45We should probably make a move.
24:47Of what other words can we not say, Gordon?
24:50Well, it's not up to me.
24:52What about Fanny?
24:53If someone was to call you a silly Fanny, would you be offended by that?
24:57Cathy.
24:58Well, I wouldn't really be offended, but I mean, if we're going to get into it,
25:01I don't really think anyone should be using a female body part as an insult.
25:05Does that mean that you cannae say...
25:06Christine.
25:08What about Dick?
25:09Can you still call someone a Dick?
25:11That's less bad.
25:12Oh, thank God for that.
25:14I've seen that quite a while, don't I?
25:16I may as well.
25:17Why is Dick not as bad, Gordon?
25:20Well, it's that men have historically been the dominant gender, so...
25:24What about wanker, Gordon?
25:26Cos technically that's, that's either, isn't it?
25:28Arsehole.
25:29You know, we've all got one of those.
25:31And where would the gays be without them?
25:33Oh, I really think we should head.
25:37You know what I think, Gordon?
25:38What?
25:41I think you should do your assignment on all of this.
25:45Language and all that.
25:47How it's changed.
25:49You really know what you're talking about.
25:51But I don't think that's...
25:54I can't really see how that would...
25:59Actually, that's a really good idea.
26:06Don't forget your hat and scarf.
26:08Ah, yeah.
26:09See about that.
26:11Do you mind if we don't do presents this year?
26:13Oh, right.
26:14Yeah, it's just we're a bit skint this year with me being at college.
26:19Is that why you're not coming over on Christmas Day?
26:23Kinda, yeah.
26:25Do not worry about presents, but come over for dinner.
26:29We'd love to have you.
26:31Right, okay.
26:34Cheers, Mum.
26:34Um, no hugs for me, Gordon.
26:48That's a nice kiss for you as well.
26:52Bye, Ian.
26:53Oh, is that your scooter, Gordon?
27:04Yeah.
27:04Ooh.
27:05I wonder if Cole would like one of those.
27:07Oh, my God, I could get him one for his Christmas.
27:09Cole!
27:10Cole!
27:11Come and get a look at Gordon's scooter!
27:14What's happening?
27:15I think Cole has got to have a go on Gordon's scooter.
27:19Oh, I'd quite like to see that.
27:21I haven't been in one of these for years.
27:25Go on, Cole!
27:26He he he he!
27:28Whee!
27:29Whoo!
27:30Whoa!
27:34Whoa!
27:38Oh, I'm a fucking van!
27:40What's up?
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