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The Creep Tapes Season 2 Episode 2
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FunTranscript
00:00four years of film school for this shit yep two hundred thousand dollars in debt and now you get
00:26to film another shitty pilot presentation for another fucking house flipping show
00:29god what a fucking loser kill me
00:39hello
00:53hello
00:59you're too late
01:11I already sold it
01:14you scared me
01:16there's no reason to be scared
01:17there's always another home right around the corner
01:20just waiting to be flipped
01:21I'm Tripp Ingold
01:23and you must be Wes
01:25yes
01:27look at you
01:30yeah
01:32you got a really good energy about you
01:34you seem like a real professional
01:36oh right uh yes
01:38I uh
01:39I brought my transcript
01:40I brought my transcript for your request
01:41and then also my degree in cinematography
01:43there's no need
01:44I already called the university and vetted you
01:46I'm sorry to be such a stickler on the hiring process but
01:49professionalism is very important to me Wes
01:52I think it's the single most important quality a human being can possess
02:09I think the lack of it is the reason our society has gone off the rails don't you agree
02:12uh yeah uh totally
02:16of course permission to hug
02:18okay
02:18coming in any
02:19okay
02:20okay
02:20I hope you're ready to get going because we are going to make magic
02:24the first scene for the pilot of the greatest house flipping show ever made
02:29flipped and sold with Tripp Ingold
02:31okay
02:32are you rolling
02:33I'm rolling
02:34okay that's a problem because I know you're not rolling
02:36I know this camera and when it's rolling the red light is beeping
02:38and it's not beeping right now Wes
02:39uh no no
02:41you're not rolling Wes
02:42look
02:43look
02:43look
02:44I'm rolling look the red light is on
02:46just take a look
02:46you're lying
02:47you're lying to me
02:47I swear take a look at it
02:49man
02:49I don't see it
02:54I don't
02:57I got you
03:00I got you
03:01yeah I know
03:02you got me
03:03professionalism Wes
03:04the single most important quality
03:06followed closely by
03:07a good sense of humor
03:09okay
03:10you're alright Wes
03:13I think this is going to be a good day
03:31you know you did a really great job filming that intro back there Wes
03:52oh uh thanks
03:55oh 100% total pro
03:56are you going to tell me how I did
04:05um I thought you were great
04:09really
04:09yeah
04:11that means so much coming from you
04:12I really want to get this right
04:14so many of these house flipping shows
04:16they're just janky
04:17you know
04:18and not just the filmmaking
04:19the flips themselves
04:20they're downright unethical
04:22you know
04:22they ignore the fundamental issues of the homes
04:24the plumbing
04:25the electrical
04:26and they think what
04:27because you slap some 22 cents subway tile on it
04:30that it's a good flip
04:31I don't think so
04:32I don't think so
04:33yeah
04:34uh yeah totally
04:36yeah you get it man
04:37you're so great
04:38so I think now would be a good time
04:41to get some b-roll
04:42you know
04:42I see this as the second part of the pilot
04:44where some kind of funky music's playing
04:46and I'm explaining to audiences
04:47that we're
04:48we're headed off to a remote section of the woods
04:50we're going to see this dilapidated
04:52kind of creepy home
04:53which
04:53spoiler alert
04:54of course is going to be somebody's dream home
04:56but right now
04:57it's like
04:58almost looks like a place you get murdered in
05:00you know
05:01so yeah look around
05:03get some stuff
05:04oh okay
05:04that's just some tools of the trade
05:10I like to carry a shovel to
05:11dig into the foundation
05:13make sure it's solid
05:14right
05:16um
05:16and the uh
05:19with the plastic tarp
05:21you ask a lot of questions
05:25well
05:27like you said
05:29I'm a professional
05:30plastic tarp
05:34is for some painting
05:35we're going to do
05:36also
05:38occasionally find some
05:39dead vermin underneath the house
05:41and
05:41plastic's always good for carrying out bodies
05:43that
05:47makes sense
05:48yeah totally
05:49um
05:51yeah
05:52um
05:56could you remind me
05:58again
05:59where we're going
06:00yeah it's just uh
06:01about 20 minutes up ahead here
06:02we're getting there
06:03right
06:04um
06:07what's the address
06:09why do you need the address
06:10I'm just
06:12uh
06:13curious
06:14squirmy little bugger
06:18look at you
06:18you're shaking over there
06:19yeah
06:20I
06:21I
06:21I think I
06:22I think I need to go to the bathroom
06:23oh well there's not many rest stops out here
06:25not much of anything
06:26but you know
06:26you can just wait till we get to the house
06:28I'm
06:28I'm just not
06:29I'm not sure if I could hold it
06:30well it's really close
06:31you're fine
06:32right
06:32it's number one
06:33so maybe
06:34maybe you could
06:35pull over
06:36real quick
06:36no there's no shoulder on the road
06:38I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you
06:39I know I just
06:40I just I really
06:41I really really gotta go
06:42this came on kind of suddenly
06:43yeah man I don't know
06:45I just uh
06:45I can't um
06:47I don't know
06:48can you
06:48I just
06:49can you pull over please
06:50no
06:50I can't do it
06:51because it's dangerous
06:52how do you
06:53no please stop
06:54I just really gotta go
06:55how do you open this thing
06:56oh fuck
06:57fine
06:57you gotta go
06:58you gotta go
06:59whoa
07:01whoa
07:01not very
07:03professional Wes
07:04it's downright anti-climactic
07:32I mean I spent a lot of time
07:37in that house
07:38it's a
07:40house of horrors
07:42the likes of which we haven't seen since
07:46the climax of
07:47Home Alone 2
07:48oh no
07:51please don't tell me
07:54you're gonna make it this easy
07:55it's okay
07:59it's okay
08:01this is just a little confusing
08:03it's all
08:03I mean I'm confused
08:06you know
08:06it's all happening
08:09a lot faster
08:11than it normally does
08:12I mean
08:15part of me wants to stretch it out
08:18you know
08:19like
08:19let you run around a little bit
08:22I could chase you some more
08:23but also
08:25another part of me is like
08:26this feels kind of sad
08:29please
08:31I just
08:32yeah
08:38it's sad
08:40I guess
08:46I could do this all over
08:49play my calendar tomorrow
08:51find someone else
08:54a little more professional
08:56oh my god
09:07didn't even come close to using you
09:09sorry PF
09:11not your night
09:12maybe it's me
09:17maybe I'm getting rusty
09:19it's on to me so quickly
09:21too many clues in the back seat maybe
09:25I wonder if I
09:27put the tarp
09:29yeah just the tarp
09:31in the back
09:32and then save the shovel
09:33the big reveal of the house
09:35might be a
09:37yes
09:54thank god
09:55step away from the car
09:57thank god
09:58thank god
09:59thank god
09:59do not move
10:00hands on your head
10:02yes
10:02you got a mark
10:03yeah but look
10:03look what happened
10:04look
10:05look
10:06hands on your head
10:07yes
10:08we got a male
10:0920s
10:11unconscious
10:12he's not unconscious
10:13he's dead
10:14it's my sweet
10:15Wes
10:15and that man
10:16killed him
10:17oh god
10:19he's in the woods
10:20and he's getting away
10:21get down on the ground
10:22right now
10:23you don't understand
10:24on the ground
10:24now
10:25okay
10:25all right
10:26okay okay
10:26okay
10:27you guys are great
10:28you're great
10:29and you're very in command
10:30and you're doing a great job
10:32but you're missing one very
10:33important thing
10:34there is a man
10:35a killer
10:36who killed
10:37my friend
10:38and he is in the woods
10:39who are you talking about
10:41who are you talking about sir
10:41i don't know
10:43okay
10:44i'm sorry
10:45i'm just so stupid
10:46i didn't get his name
10:48tell us what happened
10:50step by step sir
10:51okay
10:53but it's really scary
10:56there was a man
10:59he was a bad man
11:02but he didn't seem like it
11:03he was a little weird
11:05and hyper
11:06but he seemed harmless
11:08and he hired
11:08me
11:09and wes
11:10my filmmaking partner
11:12to film
11:12this pilot
11:14for this really
11:15interesting
11:17new
11:18house flipping
11:18type show
11:19you know
11:20and he had
11:21a cool take
11:23it was like
11:23integrity
11:25and professionalism
11:26and
11:27sir please
11:28get to the point
11:29yes
11:29i'm sorry
11:31it's so
11:32so are you okay
11:36i feel like i'm in a horror movie
11:39is this real
11:41are you even real
11:41is this real
11:42i'm sorry
11:43i'm sorry
11:44he put us in the car
11:47and he drove us out
11:48into these woods
11:48and there was like
11:50all these weird things
11:53started happening
11:53like i looked in the back
11:54and there was a shovel
11:55and there was a plastic tarp
11:57and then
11:58i looked at wes
12:00and i was like
12:01this is weird right
12:02and then
12:02wes is really smart
12:05and he was like
12:06sir i have to go
12:06to the bathroom
12:07and these guys like
12:08no you can't go to the bathroom
12:09we're almost to the house
12:10and was like
12:10i really have to pee
12:11and he's like
12:12no
12:12and so wes just
12:13bolted out of the car
12:14and he ran in that direction
12:16and i ran in that direction
12:17and the guy
12:18he just chased wes
12:20instead
12:20and he killed him
12:21and he
12:22and i feel guilty
12:24that i'm alive
12:25and he's not
12:26but
12:28but then i got
12:30but wait wait
12:31i'm not finished
12:32hold on
12:33that's when i got really brave
12:34and i jumped on his back
12:37and i whacked him
12:38with the shovel
12:39like two times
12:39really hard
12:40and he started wobbling
12:41and he was like
12:41get up
12:42okay
12:42stay down
12:44stay down
12:45but he was wobbling away
12:48and so i said
12:49i just gotta grab wes
12:50and put him in the car
12:51and take him to the police
12:52and that's when you showed up
12:54why didn't you just call us
12:55because there's no cell phone
12:58get your hands out of your pocket
12:59stop yelling at me
13:01like i'm the bad guy
13:03i'm the good one here
13:05the bad guy is out in the woods
13:08and you are wasting your time here with me
13:09i promise you i'll stay here
13:11i'll be a little
13:12well behaved nugget
13:13so have you used any substances
13:15no i haven't used any substances
13:16please
13:17one of you
13:18i'm begging you
13:19you
13:19or you
13:20go in the woods
13:22he could be out there
13:24please
13:26go check it out
13:29thank you
13:31sir
13:31thank you
13:32on the ground
13:33and just wait here
13:34yes okay
13:35i will
13:35he's wearing a black button-up shirt
13:38and silk black pants
13:39well take care of it sir
13:41make sure you get the right one
13:43dispatch
13:43this is officer mar
13:45i'm out on old hutch road
13:46i need backup
13:47we have an incident out here
13:49about uh 50 yards off the turnout
13:52thank you so much
13:55listen officer
13:56i have a question
13:58it's totally okay if this is a no
13:59but my knees are really just barking at me
14:01is it okay if i just sit
14:03like crisscross applesauce
14:04sir
14:04that is
14:06thank you
14:06oh thank you so much
14:07thank you
14:08it's fine sir
14:08good at your job and kind too
14:10i hope your friend's doing okay out there
14:14this guy is really dangerous
14:17i mean i think he could be a
14:18an actual serial killer
14:20the the the poise
14:22the charisma
14:24he's just a real professional
14:27please be quiet
14:29sorry
14:29copy
14:35is that backup calling in
14:39sorry
14:41none of my business
14:43good thing for backup though right
14:46did you always know you wanted to be a cop
15:04that's personal i'm sorry
15:07i'm just curious about the whole process
15:10you know it's such an important job
15:13you gotta be really good at it
15:15so do they vet you
15:16is it like a really long school
15:18can anybody become a cop
15:20you have so many people's lives in your hands
15:24you know it's like airline pilots you know
15:26you're just like
15:27okay
15:28he's flying us around
15:30i hope he's competent
15:31i know i'm talking a lot just two more quick things
15:51first i'm so sorry i was such a crazy person earlier i'm together now
15:54and secondly
15:55thank you
15:57thank you for
15:58showing up and
15:59and being so good at your job
16:01there's no one out there
16:03yeah
16:04yeah
16:05but i did find some blood
16:07and some evidence of a scuffle
16:09for sure
16:09so
16:10let's not lie about that
16:12not lie
16:13wait you think
16:14i thought i was lying
16:15we don't know what happened here sir
16:18all we know is that we found you dragging a dead body
16:20in a sheet of plastic
16:22heading towards your car
16:23it's his car
16:25not my car
16:27yeah okay
16:27but you're the only person out here
16:29and we have a responsibility to go
16:32with only the evidence we have
16:33so
16:34wes
16:36wes
16:37you're alive
16:38easy
16:39easy
16:39back away sir
16:40back away
16:41sit down
16:42you okay
16:44you okay
16:44you're okay buddy
16:46you're okay
16:46sir
16:47we need you to be quiet
16:48so that we can ask your friend some questions
16:50slowly slowly look
16:51take it slow
16:52take it slow
16:53okay sir
16:53we've got you
16:54we've got you
16:54we've got you
16:54we've got you
16:54we've got you
16:55easy breaths
16:56easy breaths
16:57okay
16:59sir are you okay
17:02i don't
17:04i don't know
17:05i
17:05i don't
17:06sir i'm a police officer
17:08i'm here to help
17:10i can't
17:11i'm sorry
17:12i can't really
17:13see you
17:14who are you
17:15i'm a police officer
17:16i'm here to help
17:17you are
17:19you are
17:19you are
17:20oh my god
17:22oh my god
17:23thank you
17:24thank you
17:25where is he
17:27where is that horrible man
17:28which man
17:29which man
17:29who are you talking about
17:30the killer
17:31the killer
17:32he's wearing a black button up shirt
17:35with some black pants
17:36and
17:37he's so fucking evil
17:39he's so evil
17:41he
17:41he
17:42he
17:42he said he was a real estate agent
17:45and he wanted to make a video for some stupid fucking house show
17:48and then
17:48he chased me into the woods
17:51and then
17:52he tried to kill me with a shovel
17:54that's a lot of blood
18:05oh shit we need to get him to a hospital
18:12wait you're not finished questioning him yet though
18:15no no get him in the hospital
18:16get him to the hospital
18:17take him in
18:18here we go
18:20follow me
18:21sir we need you to back away
18:23sir follow us to the hospital
18:29okay
18:30yes and then we'll continue the question
18:31yeah yeah yeah yeah
18:32yeah
18:53are you serious
18:59sir
19:00sir
19:02what are you doing
19:03get back in the car
19:04follow us directly to the hospital
19:06i have to talk to you about something
19:08get back in your car
19:11it's going to be a bit uncomfortable
19:13it's going to be a bit uncomfortable but it's very very important
19:15i don't know
19:15it's your turn man
19:16we don't have time for this
19:18is he kidding me
19:18we have somebody
19:20i know
19:20get him to the hospital
19:21what i wanted to tell you is that you're incredibly unprofessional
19:25what i wanted to tell you is that you're incredibly unprofessional
19:47what i wanted to tell you is that you're incredibly unprofessional
19:54you guys should not be letting people like me go
20:06it's so disappointing
20:09you're supposed to protect us
20:11i don't know
20:18maybe it's me
20:20maybe i'm just getting old
20:23is excellence not a thing anymore
20:27it's like all we're shooting for is just a
20:32b minus
20:34everybody gets a trophy you know
20:39sure everybody gets a trophy
20:41you get a trophy
20:44you get a trophy
20:46everybody gets a trophy
20:49oh right
20:53time 42
21:03i have a freak of this match
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