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00:00Hello, these days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home and the pub I
00:08own, thinking about all the big problems in the world and some smaller ones that
00:13annoy me. Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all or at least try. My
00:22shed. Right, it's here that I have the tools, let's just saw some wood up, the tea and a
00:32couple of other highly competent blokes, very good, brace yourself, who've agreed to
00:38help me rid the world of problems, great and small. I'll also have to take on
00:49other people's problems. What is wrong with Peter? He used to make a sound and now he
00:54doesn't. By which I mean the locals at my pub who are always bringing me stuff to
00:58mend. Is it a train set? So join us and our excitable crew who will capture our
01:08endeavours. That was epic. As we create, make, that feels like a terrible thing we've
01:16just done. Repair so it's never worked. Not in my lifetime. And repurpose in my shed load
01:26of ideas. What do you think? This is just brilliant.
01:32Here in Wiltshire, my mates and I spend a lot of time in my big shed solving problems. Simi lends
01:50us his engineering expertise. While Tony chips in with his top-notch carpentry skills.
01:57Huzzah! And today we're taking our combined wisdom out of the workshop and into a particularly
02:04pretty cinema in nearby Salisbury. Can I have a popcorn please? Oh, fantastic. Thank you.
02:13You're welcome. With cinema attendance in the UK in decline, we think we might just be able
02:19to eliminate one of the problems that could be putting people off. I will now demonstrate
02:24with these two and the crew. So here you are, at the cinema with your mates. You're about
02:31to watch one of your favourite films of all time. And then this happens.
02:35I mean, that is exactly in the way of the screen. And if that's bad for me, and I'm reasonably
02:48tall, imagine what it's like for these people entering the cinema now. If they sit behind
02:54us, we've known about this for as long as we've had cinemas. In fact, as long as we've
03:01had theatres, which goes back to Nell Gwynn and people like that. And the fact is, cinemas
03:07have a raked floor. Obviously, this has a very typical one. It's about four degrees, but
03:13it's nothing like good enough. Because if we take Ethan, if you wouldn't mind standing up,
03:19here's the tallest member of this crew. And then we put him next to our smallest member,
03:25who is Lottie, here. Look at the difference in height. It is interesting that all people,
03:32it doesn't matter whether they are massive units, massively overfed like Ethan, or Lottie,
03:39undernourished and quite small, the distance between the centre of the eyes and the top of
03:44the head is always pretty much the same. If you wouldn't mind turning round, Ethan, you will
03:49see, even on his enormous bonds, that distance is roughly the same. So cinema seats ought to
03:55be arranged so that that distance is the distance of the next row's eyes above the head of the
04:02person in front. So why not simply say, small people have to sit at the front of the cinema,
04:07and big people have to sit at the back? That would make sense. Except, as Lottie points out,
04:13she's got a massive boyfriend, because she didn't have the decency to go out with someone her own
04:18size. So we'd have to split them up. We'd have to have Lottie at the front, and a boyfriend right on
04:22the back row. And they can't have a snog like that, let's be honest. So I think there might be a more
04:26sophisticated solution to this. And I think we can probably come up with it.
04:33And in just the time it takes to watch Battle of Britain the director's cut and get back to the
04:37shed, we have indeed come up with an idea for adjustable seats, designed to equalise the cinema
04:44viewing experience.
04:49Now, obviously, the cinema seats have to go up and down. We have some old cinema seats, and we have
04:55these screw jacks of a type that you use to raise your car up before changing a wheel. What do we
05:01think? So I think all we need to do is we'll make up a little steel frame, which we can weld to this.
05:08This is our seat. Which will be on our frame, like so. A couple of back supports coming up to here.
05:14How are we supporting them? So we've got a little steel frame that will go under here, welded to
05:20the jack so it's solid. Come up to here and we'll pick up into the wood at the right angle and the
05:26right height.
05:32That seems like a very low seat. That is. But we could put riser blocks underneath.
05:38Well, this is the original. So that should be our kind of set height.
05:44So they'll have to be on riser blocks, therefore we have to calculate
05:48how big a riser block we put underneath it.
05:53105 mil. So if we know now that that is our height of our plinth.
06:00So riser blocks are 150. That's not complicated. This is probably how the Saturn V was developed.
06:07Somebody wrote 150 on a bench and drew a box around it and then they knew, right, we've got it.
06:12So we need to make the plinths and we need to make the steel work at the same time, ideally.
06:19We now know the height our riser block needs to be for the jack to sit on to bring the seat to its
06:24correct starting height. First Simi gets to work on the steel frame for the seat, while Tony and I
06:31build a box plinth which will act as the riser block. That's near enough for government work.
06:37This involves a lot of measuring, sawing and screwing. While Simi sets about welding the steel
06:48frame which joins our old cinema seat to the jack. Nobody touch that, it's quite warm. Tony and I do
06:54some more measuring, sawing and screwing to make the box plinth the jack will sit on. Now all we
07:02need to do is put it all together and we are ready to test our prototype seat. It's quite heavy, that.
07:09I hate that noise. Right, rest. That crest.
07:19To begin with, should we put somebody small? We could put somebody small. Or light. Light.
07:24So that's not you, not you. All right, all right. Who would like to be the first person to sit in the
07:28elevating cinema seat? When you say like, I mean, I will do it. But you're the lightest.
07:36Oh, okay. All right. What do I hold on to? Well, you're not going to be launched, it's just going to go up a bit.
07:43Okay. Don't be alarmed.
07:48Yes!
07:48What did you do at work today, darling? Well, I wound Lucy up and down.
08:01I think that's too wobbly. Yeah, I mean, it's not comfortable.
08:07This isn't really very good, is it? Well, we might have to have a little rethink.
08:12So the screw jacks are a lot wobblier than we realise when it doesn't have a car steadying it.
08:18But what if they were the hydraulic jacks instead? Slower to pump up, but they'd be much more stable.
08:26Yes. Do you mind stepping off for a minute? No, not.
08:30Just so, sorry. The other way is to make a mechanism that stays rigid and has the jack just as the lift.
08:39Ah, that's... Yes. It's just a lot of work. It is a lot of work.
08:45While Simi starts work designing the new hydraulic jack-powered box structures, Tony and I head to the pub.
08:53And as usual, and because of my reputation for mending things, we've only been there about five minutes
08:58when a local, in this case Peter, turns up with some weird brass thing.
09:04Hello. Hello. Hello.
09:05You are Peter. Hello.
09:06James. Nice to meet you. How are you? This is Tony. Nice to meet you.
09:09Nice to meet you. Have you brought a cannon?
09:11It's not a cannon. It's actually... Oh, it's a telescope.
09:14It's a telescope. Oh, that's some beauty, isn't it?
09:16Where did that come from?
09:18My wife bought it on eBay a few months ago, but it does come with a nice backstory.
09:24It was brought back from India on an around-the-world QE2 cruise in the,
09:29I believe, the late 70s, early 80s. Does that mean stolen?
09:32Acquired. Acquired. Yes, I like it.
09:36Quite heavy, isn't it? I suppose that's why it comes with a tripod.
09:40Um, it doesn't seem to quite work. It... no.
09:45Has it ever worked?
09:46I don't know.
09:47It's basically like looking at the world without your specs on.
09:50Do you know, that could be a micro-focus, a micro-adjustment.
09:53So, the eyepiece does move out. Next, move your fingers further out that bit.
09:58Ah.
09:59Does that move that slightly?
10:01It doesn't appear to.
10:03But should it?
10:05So, usually there's a gear mechanism in there, like a rack of pinion.
10:08So, my thoughts are that inside the end there, there may be some sort of thread that connects to it,
10:13or do it once upon a time. To try out Tony's theory, we mount Peter's telescope on its tripod
10:20and see if we can focus on something. Everything is still blurry. That doesn't do anything.
10:29Oh, wait. Close things are almost in focus. So, all the optics seem to line up.
10:37Yes, I'm looking at that power cable. That's nice and crisp.
10:40The trees far away are blurry. So, I think you're right, Tony, that rotating that should gear that
10:49very precisely.
10:50Okay. Tools.
10:54A lot of old telescopes used to unscrew, didn't they?
10:57Oh.
10:57Have you done this before?
11:00Right, now you're onto something.
11:01There you go.
11:01So, basically, this has to move, but quite precisely,
11:05in order for what you're looking at at a particular distance to be in focus.
11:10But Peter has a concern which may scupper the whole project.
11:16It could well be what's known as a furniture piece.
11:19A what-y?
11:21A furniture piece.
11:22Ah, a shoalscope.
11:24This quite possibly was never intended to work as a telescope. It was just meant to look cool in your
11:30beachfront house.
11:31There is a possibility.
11:32Be careful, there's not a pin in here.
11:34Exactly.
11:34Shall I take it off over this slotted table over the garden?
11:37Take it off over my hands.
11:39So, you can see inside there the thread.
11:42So, when you rotate that, a pin that would locate in the thread would be pulled one way or
11:49pushed the other way, and Tony has just found that whatever that pin was appears to have sheared off.
11:55Peter, this might be good news.
11:56I'm pleased to hear it.
11:58I think this does suggest that it's a bit more than just ornamental, because someone's gone to
12:04the trouble of machining quite a sophisticated thread in there, which would suggest to me that
12:07this is, in fact, meant to work.
12:11So, how the hell does it come out?
12:13Does the eyepiece come off?
12:15Yeah, that bit unscrews. That was loose earlier.
12:17And then we pull it through the other way.
12:21It's here.
12:21Oh, where?
12:22There.
12:25Got it.
12:25There you go. That's the culprit.
12:27That's what's broken.
12:29So, in order to mend it, we will have to remake this piece with two countersunk holes to allow it to be
12:37screwed to the movable part of the eyepiece, and then with a pin, the exact dimensions of which
12:42we will have to work out using a micrometer that inserts in this hole and engages on the inside
12:47of that. Put it all back together, mounted on the tripod, pointed out to the sea, and say,
12:52I see no ships. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a lathe job.
13:01So, can Tony and I and the lathe fix Peter's telescope?
13:05Well, I, for one, can't wait to find out.
13:19Welcome back to Wiltshire, where we've been entrusted with the task of repairing Peter's
13:36busted telescope.
13:37The problem we have identified is that this ring, which is now broken, as you can see,
13:45sits around the middle of this tube and has on it, or did have on it, a pin which acts in an inverted
13:52worm gear inside there that you turn with that, and that makes the eyepiece move in and out and
13:58focuses it. So, we've got to remake this, which is the job for the lathe. Tony here has never used
14:05the metalworking lathe, or the engine lathe, as it's sometimes called. I have found this old flywheel
14:11that I accidentally made to completely the wrong dimensions many years ago, and we can, I believe,
14:19fashion out of that the new ring. The ratio dictated by the gear.
14:22Before Tony can have a go, he has to have a lathe tutorial.
14:25It's engaged. That is the saddle, which moves that way. That is the cross slide,
14:30which moves that way, and this is called the compound slide. The way it's set up at the moment,
14:34it moves backwards and forwards, a fine feed version of that, but you can also set it at angles to do
14:39clever things like screw cutting. Hope you got all that, Tony. There are no safety features. There
14:45isn't even an emergency stop on this. You have to hit that with your knee. There's no chuck guard.
14:49I missed, then, and hurt my knee, but that's what you do, OK? Ow.
14:56We're in here again, James. Not really, no.
15:00I'm not sure who's more nervous about this, Tony or me. Start, ladies.
15:08Well, I now turn it to 10,000. That's near enough.
15:12We will now bear witness to the genesis of the new inner ring for Peter's telescope.
15:17A tiny bit more.
15:21And Tony's love affair with the lathe.
15:27So, that's indoctrination over and a new brass ring well on the way.
15:31Sarah, my other half, says James has gone into his workshop to make a piece of metal into a smaller
15:35piece of metal, because that's actually all you can do. But now it's an exquisite piece of metal.
15:40Exactly. Do you think you'll get one? Yeah, definitely. It's addictive already.
15:45It is. You either really get it, or you think it's the dullest thing in the world,
15:50which, to be honest, most of my mates do. But I don't care.
15:55With Tony now a card-carrying member of Lathe Club,
15:58I leave him to finish the ring and the pin for the telescope under the watchful eye of Simmy.
16:04We're going to put these holes in, and they have to line up, because these holes are pre-drilled and threaded.
16:10We want to be able to put the screws, these little tiny screws, back into those holes once we've drilled the new holes.
16:18To make the holes, they're using my milling machine.
16:23Two of the holes will attach the ring to the telescope tube,
16:27and the other is for the pin, that will move the eyepiece to control the focus.
16:31I've got clearance holes with can stunks.
16:36Next, Simm taps the hole for the pin, which they make from an old screw.
16:40Do you want to just do it freehand?
16:43Which, in turn, is turned on the lathe to get it to the right size.
16:49It's got to be it, doesn't it?
16:51And we'll find out if it all fits, and by we, I mean you and me, viewers,
16:56when Tony hands in his homework later on.
17:03Now, I've asked Simm to meet me at the pub, which is also a popular B&B.
17:09Less popular, though, is a problem facing me and my fellow B&B owners.
17:15And if you're one of the 87% of adults who eat breakfast cereal every day, you'll have come across it too.
17:27Crunchy. Crunchy is nice.
17:29But by the time you're about halfway through the bowl, the cereal has gone soft and soggy.
17:36And we don't want that. So we were wondering, is there a way of eating breakfast cereal,
17:42a bowl of breakfast cereal, in such a way or with such a device that means it is always crunchy,
17:49all the way till the end?
17:51And Simm has had a bit of an idea.
17:53Maybe we need to introduce the milk at the point of entry into your mouth.
18:05To the workshop.
18:09So, our aim is to solve soggy cereal, and in so doing, reduce the amount we chuck away at the pub
18:16and in homes everywhere. Fortunately, one of us has an idea about how we might do that.
18:23So I've got this plan. So we put a spoon onto a straw.
18:28And we mould the straw to the underside of the spoon. You might have to flatten the end a little bit.
18:37And then we have a flexible tube at this end, going into your bottle of milk or your
18:44orange juice or whatever you fancy.
18:45Orange juice? Do people eat breakfast cereal with orange juice?
18:48Yes, indeed.
18:49Do they? In Norway.
18:50Do they?
18:51Yes.
18:52I didn't know that.
18:53They think it's very weird we put cow juice on.
18:56And I've been to Norway quite a few times. I said you were a bit weird when I was there, and I was right.
19:04You'll be able to put this in your mouth and suck up the required amount of fluid that you require.
19:12Are we going to base it on this spoon?
19:13I think similar. Because it doesn't need to be dished as much as that, because it's not holding any liquid.
19:21Oh, are you talking about making a spoon?
19:23Yeah.
19:23Oh. How are you going to make a spoon?
19:28It's not something I've ever done.
19:29It's not something I've ever done either.
19:31So I think we should just mark out our ideal shape. It's a very thin bit of copper.
19:36Yes.
19:37Which I think, at the end of the day, when this is soldered to it, it will give it a nice bit of strength,
19:42because it'll be like a spine running down the whole thing.
19:44Yes.
19:44It'll be very good. So I think we can mark it out.
19:47Tin snips.
19:49Yeah.
19:49Bit of sanding.
19:52We'll heat it up a little bit to anneal it.
19:54Yes. That means make it go softer.
19:56It does make it go softer.
19:58And then we'll hammer it out.
19:59Okay.
20:01Spoons are normally made out of stainless steel, because it's rust-proof.
20:06But we're making our sauce spoon out of copper, because it's soft and malleable,
20:11which will come in handy at the next stage.
20:15That is like man's first spoon.
20:18It's like the genesis of the spoon.
20:21They thought, this looks useful. I'm sure we can improve it.
20:24Maybe make it a bit dished and a bit more rigid.
20:27But I think we're on to something.
20:29Next, we hammer out the dished part of the spoon, easily done with malleable copper.
20:36Here you go, James.
20:38That is incredible.
20:43So it doesn't look very impressive, but it's a long process.
20:47And what has happened here is we've started off with a piece of soft copper,
20:50but the process of hammering it has hardened it, because it work hardens, as the expression is.
20:56It happens very quickly with copper.
20:58So the thing we have to do next is anneal it, which is a way of saying soften it again.
21:03And we do that by heating it up and then allowing it to cool naturally.
21:07Then it will be soft again.
21:08We'll probably have to do that several times before Sim arrives at the final shape of the spoon,
21:13which, let's be honest, is a way off.
21:15But not for long, as Sim heats, hammers,
21:21heats again, hammers again.
21:25That's going there, isn't it?
21:27And again.
21:30Until we're ready for stage two.
21:32And next we're going to join to it the copper tube that will deliver the milk, orange juice, whatever.
21:39So we need to work out its length and then shape it as close as possible to the spoon.
21:44Then we'll bind it with some fuse wire and solder it, and then we can test it.
21:49So after some cutting and shaping, it's time to bind the tube to the spoon using a small clamp and Simi's expert soldering.
22:02I tend to bugger up soldering, so I'm just giving it to you to do.
22:13It's going to happen.
22:14It's going to warm the whole piece first.
22:21There she blown.
22:22There you go.
22:23Do you want to do spoon?
22:25There you got that bit.
22:27I'm going to have to do the spoon end.
22:31How's she going?
22:41A bit more at the front.
22:42That's it.
22:42Gone.
22:44Grand.
22:45Oh, that's filled that nicely.
22:50Look at that.
22:52Well, that's the bit going in your mouth, so.
22:54In your mouth.
23:00It's a spoon, and I think it's pretty good.
23:04Do I?
23:05It's going to work.
23:06Is it?
23:07It tastes absolutely horrible.
23:10I'm not so sure of baker's fluid as that could be.
23:12Oh, God.
23:13Oh, and it is hardly corrosive, so it's slightly acidic.
23:18It might be worth rinsing your mouth.
23:25Is that just water?
23:26No, that's that, Joe.
23:27It's quenching water.
23:32But rinse, don't swallow.
23:43Welcome back to Wiltshire and my pub, where we've been tackling the previously insurmountable problem of soggy cereal by inventing...
23:55...the sauce spoon.
23:59This is its inaugural outing.
24:02Let's see if it works.
24:03I have here the other vital component, the food-safe plastic tubing, which goes into my milk...
24:10...like so.
24:13Is everybody ready?
24:14I'm going in.
24:17Oh, that's a good start.
24:18How good is that?
24:34It only works.
24:36Wow.
24:37That's got to be the best thing I've ever seen.
24:39I can't.
24:40There's nothing else I can say about that.
24:43It works exactly as intended, and it's perfect.
24:47Every mouthful is like the first one.
24:50Do you want to try it?
24:51I'll wipe it off for you.
24:53I'm just kidding.
24:53Go on then, I'll have a quick go.
24:55I'm intrigued.
24:57Genuinely, it works.
25:11That is genuinely the best thing.
25:12Is it?
25:13It's fantastic.
25:15What's surprising is how little milk you use.
25:19Yeah.
25:20It's truly brilliant on every level.
25:23Saves waste, improves the breakfast dining experience.
25:29It keeps your cereal crunchy.
25:33There is an elephant in the room, though.
25:37Which is the Norwegian way.
25:41You brought it up.
25:42I'll do it.
25:47This is for Norway.
25:53That's really stupid.
26:06Honestly.
26:08Norwegians, come on.
26:10Get a grip.
26:11Do you want to try that?
26:12That feels wrong.
26:13No, I don't want to try it at all.
26:14Really wrong.
26:16Barbaric.
26:17It's a bit weird.
26:20So I know a lot of you think that we fake things for television and ham it up, but I promise you
26:25that that simple idea, the sauce spoon, works and it works brilliantly.
26:32That will become an essential component of the British breakfast, along with cereal and this.
26:41Cheers.
26:48It's what the Victorians did and everybody admires them.
26:51And look at this.
26:52We started this scene just a few minutes ago.
26:54Simi's cornflakes, where he put the milk on straight away, they are now...
26:59Mush.
27:00Yeah, they are.
27:00That is mush, isn't it?
27:01Whereas mine, my crispy rice things are still perfectly dry and crunchy and could even go back
27:08in the box if I decided I'd had enough.
27:11Absolutely zero waste.
27:13Soggy cereal solved.
27:20I head back to the shed to wait for Tony, who's hopefully been as successful in finishing off
27:25the new inner ring for Peter's telescope.
27:29James, I have the ring.
27:34Three holes in perfect position, tapped and countersunk.
27:40That's a fabulous bit of finishing off work there, Tony.
27:42Now we know it fits on the tube because, well, because frankly I turned the inside diameter.
27:51Oh, that's very satisfying.
27:53When we give this telescope to Peter and he rotates the sleeve and focuses it,
27:58he'll say, oh great, thanks.
27:59He'll have no idea how much head scratching and hard work went into this,
28:06because it will never be seen, because it's inside.
28:09But we will know and so will God.
28:12This is so satisfying, my first bit of lathing work.
28:19But will Tony's first bit of lathe work pass muster?
28:22This is the other way round, isn't it?
28:23So we've got to get this the right way round.
28:27Time to find out as we reassemble the telescope.
28:31This is quite exciting, isn't it?
28:32It's very exciting.
28:33I think you've done an excellent job there, Tony.
28:45Well done you.
28:46Have the rest of the day off.
28:48Proper team effort.
28:51Tony can't actually have the day off, as now the telescope's optical tube is fully rotating and
28:58expanding. It's time to set sail to the pub and hand it back to the captain of the ship.
29:04Hello, Peter.
29:05Hello, hello, hello.
29:06Please have a seat.
29:07Thank you very much.
29:08Wow.
29:10Here is your telescope.
29:12It's in one piece.
29:13It's in one piece.
29:14Only just.
29:15It doesn't look very different.
29:17We did consider polishing it, but then we decided we liked the patina of use and also
29:24Tony couldn't be a ****.
29:26So, we have however mended it.
29:28Would you like to know what we've done?
29:29I would love to know.
29:31Are you sitting comfortably?
29:32I certainly am.
29:33When we took it apart in front of you, when you first brought it to the pub,
29:37we revealed this broken inner ring.
29:40I made the ring on the lathe.
29:43You then calculated the position of the hole.
29:46Nothing is symmetrical on this thing.
29:47No, it's all completely on the top.
29:49Every ring, the screw holes were in different positions.
29:52Of course.
29:53Are you ready?
29:54Would you like to do it yourself?
29:55I'd love to.
29:56I mean, just, just wind the collar and...
30:01And this comes out.
30:02Yes.
30:02Wow.
30:03Yes, it does.
30:05Smooth as well.
30:06Very smooth.
30:07Thank you very much.
30:08What can I say?
30:09Let's try it.
30:09Okay.
30:11Right.
30:12If you, um, position it there.
30:16Yep.
30:17Yep.
30:17Mine's in.
30:18Sir.
30:19Okay.
30:21Is it in focus?
30:22Getting there.
30:23There we go.
30:23That's in focus.
30:25Might have to have a look.
30:26Yeah.
30:28I was on the, uh, on the tower at the top.
30:32Good God.
30:34It's a telescope.
30:35Look at that.
30:36It works.
30:37It's good, isn't it?
30:41I hope you enjoyed working on it.
30:43We did enjoy working it out.
30:45Right, sir.
30:46It's yours.
30:46It's yours to take away.
30:50Thank you very much indeed, both of you.
30:53It's a pleasure.
30:54Okay.
30:54Uh, I hope your wife enjoys it.
30:56I'm sure she will.
30:58Well.
30:59Pint?
31:00Yeah.
31:01Let's have a pint.
31:06Tony and I might be able to relax with a pint, but over at the workshop, Simi is still
31:10busy grappling with the prototype for the adjustable cinema seats.
31:15Action.
31:16Replacing our wobbly jack contraption with a new design that features a box inside a box,
31:23he starts by building both the internal and external boxes from plywood.
31:29Next, he installs a more compact ram that can be controlled remotely.
31:37Then he cuts out a little space for the wires before screwing on the lid that the seat will attach to
31:43and allow the jack to push up that internal box.
31:48Now all that remains is to find out if we've managed to put an end to cinema-going misery for the ages.
32:02We've returned to Salisbury, where we're back at the cinema, installing our height-adjustable seats
32:08to see if we can improve the visual experience for our audience, also known as the crew.
32:13They are still on jacks, but they now run in boxes.
32:18For stability, they are powered up and down by electrical motors, and I have here
32:24a suite of remote controls for adjusting them. Now in the final version, this is a prototype,
32:29of course. This job will be done by computers and a laser, but for the moment it's done with a folding ruler.
32:37I would like to invite tonight's audience to come into the cinema and take their places, please.
32:43Wherever you'd like to sit, it doesn't matter. All the seats are currently set at their midway point. They can go up and down.
32:52Who can currently see the screen?
32:57I can't. Obviously, yes, you can. Simi? Tony? No. Right, okay. So, I'm going to suggest that Ethan,
33:05because you're very tall. You, sir, have to go down. And here you go.
33:10How's about that, then?
33:23You are now at the lowest setting, sir. And just to show you that this can all be consistent and
33:29really quite scientific. If I consider Tony's face, it's a horrible prospect, I know, but his eyes
33:36are not quite high enough by, what would we call that, two inches? He needs to go up two inches in
33:43order to see over Ethan, so I will now do that. So, you, Tony, are going up, sir?
33:51Oh, yeah. Tell me when you can see.
33:54Yeah.
33:55Okay. Shuler, I'm assuming you can't see over Tony.
34:03This makes a fantastic noise, doesn't it? It adds to the tension and excitement of going
34:09to the cinema. You can see. So, now Simi, but I'm going to give you an extra inch.
34:19Will, can you see? No, but once I actually can't see at the cinema, because he's been raised up.
34:23Yes, he's been raised up so that he can see, but it's okay, because I can raise you up, too.
34:35Can everybody see?
34:37Yeah.
34:38The seats are all at different heights, but each row of people is at the same height,
34:44and they are higher than the row in front by the typical distance between the top of a person's head
34:50and his or her eyes. It's fantastic. We have solved it. Well done, everybody involved. We can now,
34:56finally, sit down, relax, and enjoy one of the greatest films ever made.
35:03All right. Roll it, Projectionist.
35:07After all that hard work, we head home for some rest and relaxation.
35:32But we're not ones to waste money on expensive spas and beauty products. Oh, no.
35:39We have everything we need right here in the shed.
35:42As men, there are places where we shouldn't go. One of those is a woman's handbag. If you've been
35:51bitten by a poisonous snake and the antidote is in a woman's handbag, you still can't go in there
35:56and get it. You have to ask them to get it. That's just the rules. The other one is a beauty spa. We
36:02do know that women go there for something called a facial. And we're suffering for not having facials,
36:08because, as you can see, we're haggard. We haven't cared for our complexion. So after consulting some
36:13women, I've learned that a facial consists of four essential stages. It is cleanse, tone, exfoliate,
36:21moisturize. And there are special potions and things very expensive for doing this. But it
36:27occurred to us that there are things in the workshop that could achieve the same thing for us, things that
36:32we use every day, but that we never use for a facial. So I think we are ready to perform the
36:39man's workshop facial. Are you up for that? Yeah, absolutely. Good. First, we need to protect our
36:46hair. Well, you don't need it, Tony. So's Tony. Apparently, we've got to wear these goggles.
36:53This is a safety requirement from our insurers, because they believe we're somehow going to shove
36:57alcohol and hand cleaners straight in our eyeballs. I wouldn't put it past us. Right. There we are,
37:05ready. First is cleanse. This will remove grease, oil, deeply embedded dirt from your hands when you've
37:13been working on your car or your motorcycle. Have a bit of cleanser. Oh, it's refreshing.
37:20Oh, I feel better already. Oh, it feels really nice. It tastes awful. Why are you eating it?
37:29Yeah. Why do you put everything in your mouth? I was just liberally applying it and accidentally got
37:33my luscious lips. I don't want to admit to that. Oh, what is that? Good God. You're covered in
37:44filth, man. What? Thank you. Why are you so clean, James? Because he doesn't do any work.
37:52Well, there's a bit of gunk come off there, off my cheeks. Yeah, it's always the cheeks. Yeah.
37:57Now we are cleansed, we must be toned. Our toner is 99.9% pure isopropyl alcohol, which we use in the
38:07workshop a lot for cleaning electrical items, toy trains that we mend, record players and so on.
38:14Don't put this in your mouth now, Tony, otherwise you'll be completely clattered. This is called toning.
38:20I don't know what it actually does. Stinks. Getting high. Whoa. I don't breathe.
38:28Eee. So what is normal toner? I don't know. Oh.
38:33Here you go. Do you want to know what a toner is? Yeah. An astringent liquid applied to the skin
38:39to reduce oiliness and improve its condition. Well, that's exactly what this is. Yeah. Alcohol
38:44removes oiliness. That's why we use it in soldering. Let's get, my face feels really tight.
38:50Yeah. Right. So we've cleansed, we've toned. Now we're going to exfoliate.
38:58So we're going to remove the layer of dead skin. Our exfoliant is basically a white glue,
39:07which has rubber in it. Spread it about and let it dry. And then you have the
39:16unrivalled pleasure of peeling it off. Oh, this stinks. Oh, it stinks of fish.
39:23It's absolutely minging. It is. At this point, I think in a proper spa,
39:34you would lie down and they'd probably give you some ginger tea or something really left wing like that.
39:42We can sit back and we can relax and, you know, talk about stuff. What about a little wax?
39:50Which, I hesitate to ask this, Tony, but which bit of you did you think needed waxing?
39:56What about a leg? You want, you want a leg waxed. A nice little smooth leg.
40:01Are you sure about this, Tony? Yeah.
40:06While we don't have the fancy hot wax machines used in spas and salons,
40:10we do have the next best thing. It's a gaffer tape. Feet up. Get your leg up.
40:20When you use wax strips, there's a direction, isn't there? Should you tear up or down?
40:24I'm tearing down. Oh, I was going to go up. Well, experiment. Oh, great. Right, are we ready,
40:31everybody? Tony, is there anything you need to say to your family or? Tell my children I love them.
40:38Okay, you will. Three, two, one. Oh, that wasn't that bad. That's rubbish. But it did work a bit.
40:48Look. I've got two tiny little hairs. Ladies, stop wasting your money. About £3.50.
40:57We can help you. No, actually, that sounds really weird.
41:03Right, moving swiftly on, it's time to see how much of our faces the glue has removed.
41:08Shall we take our goggles off now that there's no... Oh, no, they're slightly...
41:13Did something come back into colour? I've glued my goggles to my face.
41:18Oh, it makes a great noise. Listen to that.
41:24Ow! That actually hurts.
41:30It's like putting massive snot out, you know?
41:33It's like pulling your face off.
41:37Look at this. Look at this. It's huge.
41:40It's what it would feel like to be a brand new refrigerator.
41:44This is removing a microscopically thin layer of...
41:55Epidermis.
41:55...of a dead you.
41:57Your appearance has changed, Simmy. You look about 15.
42:01Is anybody else sort of tingling in quite a satisfying way?
42:05This is the final stage of the facial, the moisturising phase, for which we're using the beeswax,
42:11which normally we put on wood. So I'm going to start with my forehead.
42:15This is what it's like being a piece of 19th century furniture.
42:18It does smell nice.
42:21Mmm, it smells lovely.
42:26So, I think now if we take the headbands off, go back to normal, we can get a verdict from the crew,
42:31who have watched the entire process and are very familiar with our faces, because obviously they
42:35film us all the time, unfortunately for them. And here we are, post-facial.
42:40You actually look much better.
42:47Yeah, you do look really flowy.
42:48Well, if you see us tomorrow, we've got boiled costumes.
42:52Yes, if you don't turn up and work tomorrow, we'll know it's gone wrong, but you actually look very good.
42:57So, I now have to point out to the viewers, I'm sure you're going to notice it, there are going to be some continuity issues,
43:02because, to be honest, we don't necessarily film this series in sequence. We don't know until the edit exactly how we're going to order the stories.
43:09So, you might see us and think, God, those blokes are looking old. And then, in the next scene, you'll think,
43:14wow, look at those 15-year-old boys. And it's because of this. Okay, so sorry about that.
43:22Don't do any of this at home. Don't use any of these things. They're not designed as part of a
43:26facial cleansing programme. Nevertheless, it works.
43:31And we'll see you next time, if you can recognise us now that we look 10 years younger.
43:39devant you
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