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00:00Hello.
00:02These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home.
00:06And the pub I own.
00:08Thinking about all the big problems in the world.
00:12And some smaller ones that annoy me.
00:16Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all.
00:20Or at least try.
00:22My shed.
00:24Right.
00:26It's here that I have the tools.
00:28Let's just saw some wood up.
00:30The tea.
00:32And a couple of other highly competent blokes.
00:36Very good. Brace yourself.
00:38Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.
00:41Is she getting the ticket out?
00:42Great.
00:43Dirty flight at us.
00:45And small.
00:46The cereal has gone soggy.
00:48I'll also have to take on other people's problems.
00:51What is wrong with Peter?
00:52He used to make a sound and now he doesn't.
00:55By which I mean the locals at my pub who are always bringing me stuff to mend.
01:01Is it a train set?
01:03So join us and our excitable crew.
01:07Who will capture our endeavours.
01:10That was epic.
01:12As we create.
01:14Make.
01:15That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.
01:17Repair.
01:18So it's never worked.
01:19Not in my lifetime.
01:21And repurpose.
01:26In my shed load of ideas.
01:28What do you think?
01:29This is just brilliant.
01:31Here in Wiltshire I have time to reflect on those issues that concern us all.
01:44Such as how to preserve this beautiful landscape.
01:48The muse of England's poets and artists.
01:52The rustling hedgerow.
01:54The delightful babbling brook and the abject weeping willow.
01:59The heart of the idyll that nestles in the breast of every English man and woman.
02:04Oh and the fly tipping site.
02:06The blight of town and country alike.
02:09These people disgust me.
02:11There are over a million fly tipping incidents reported in the UK each year.
02:17And they cost local authorities hundreds of millions of pounds to tidy up.
02:23It's a huge problem.
02:25But no problem is too huge for me.
02:27And my two very handy right hand men.
02:30My trusty engineer Sim with his big ideas.
02:33Some kind of pivot from this point.
02:36Anywhere between here and here.
02:38And my ever ready carpenter Tony the tool.
02:42Don't worry I'll just do everything over here.
02:45You carry on chatting.
02:47And so to my large and well equipped workshop where the very practical magic happens.
02:54So we've decided that our revenge on fly tippers should be poetic.
02:59It is a fly trap or a fly tipper trap if you like.
03:02Taking our inspiration from good old school fly paper.
03:07Which is this stuff.
03:08It's really like a very big piece of sticky paper.
03:11And you hang it up in your house.
03:12Flies fly into it because they're stupid.
03:14Their brains are absolutely minute.
03:16And they stick to it.
03:18Ha!
03:19And that's the end of them.
03:20So we want to do something similar.
03:22But that acts on human beings.
03:24Which mean.
03:25God.
03:26Which means we need a sticky substance that will trap them.
03:30We'll leave Simi to search for something sticky enough to catch our human flies.
03:36As Tony and I move next door to start work on the actual trap.
03:41Now we have to devise the trap itself.
03:44How it will be.
03:45What would the trendy would be delivered.
03:47It's Tony's idea.
03:48So Tony will explain.
03:50Collapsable cattle grid.
03:54Oh.
03:55So we take a sheet of eight by four.
03:57Yes.
03:58We build a frame around it.
04:01Two supports.
04:03All our sticky stuff in the middle here.
04:06Mm-hmm.
04:07Box section.
04:08Forming a grid.
04:12Holes.
04:13Attached by string.
04:16Going to two pulleys.
04:20And go that way to a single pulley.
04:23With a mechanism that pulls and collapses.
04:26Why is the cattle grid there?
04:27Is there a gate?
04:28To stop cattle.
04:29No, I know what it does.
04:31But it's not...
04:32Yes.
04:33So it's a gate.
04:34Usually you dump it.
04:35Usually I've heard people who dump things.
04:37Right.
04:38Dump it in a field.
04:39So the van pulls up.
04:41People get out with the sofa.
04:42Say.
04:43And they walk across the cattle grid.
04:44Which is positioned in front of a gate.
04:46And therefore is perfectly normal.
04:48Because you get cattle grids in front of gates.
04:50They throw the sofa into the fly tipping area.
04:54And it triggers a weighted mechanism.
04:57We haven't quite worked that bit out yet, have we?
04:59Which, through this pulley system, concertinas.
05:03The cattle grid, like a Venetian blind, exposing the sticky stuff.
05:08The panicking fly tippers run back to their van through here and are stuck like flies on flypaper.
05:15That's basically it, isn't it?
05:16Easy.
05:17Right, so should we put this on the floor and do a bit of spacing out?
05:21Yeah.
05:24Let's just rough it out.
05:26Tony and I start laying out the steel rods that will eventually become our cattle grid.
05:32How far apart are the rails of a cattle grid?
05:35Does it depend on what sort of animals you've got?
05:37Because cows have got bigger paws than sheep, haven't they?
05:41Obviously, if you're making one for an elephant, you could make them a little bit further apart.
05:45Right, the dilemma is we have to balance authenticity, i.e. the spacing of the rails on the cattle grid,
05:54with the requirements of the mechanism, because it's got to pull all these together over here.
06:00It's quite a weight, isn't it? It's a lot of steel.
06:03I think that gap is too big, but it could be bigger than that one, which it will be when they're evenly spaced,
06:09so there's no getting around this, Tony. We're going to have to do a bit of arithmetic.
06:13So, for our 1,220mm wide cattle grid, we're going to need 10 bars, 107.7mm apart.
06:22Yes, this is an exact science.
06:26Oh, well, our arithmetic is spot on.
06:29Well, nearly.
06:31Nearly.
06:34OK.
06:35That's our cattle grid, correctly spaced out.
06:40Come in with the sofa.
06:43Yes, I think that's...
06:45You'd walk across it carefully, because there's a cattle grid, because you tend to walk carefully across a cattle grid.
06:50I think, yes, I think we'll get away with that.
06:53Let's mark out the board with the exact positions of our roofing battens.
06:59We can fix those in place.
07:00Mm-hm.
07:01And go from there.
07:05Right, so the concept looks good. We've just got to make the thing now.
07:10First, Tony and I construct the wooden base frame, keeping a close eye on our maths.
07:15Then we need a bit of help from Simi to cut the steel rocks so that Tony and I can drill very precise holes into them, which we'll thread rope through to collapse the grid, as long as we can keep up with Simi's exacting standards.
07:31That's to put a hole in the middle, right?
07:34I mean, look at that. How in the middle is that?
07:37All is proceeding at pace until...
07:40The problem is, well, there's no easy way of putting this, it's Tony.
07:45Sim has spotted that the board isn't perfectly square.
07:51It's just I didn't cut the factory edge off because we were rushing.
07:54I'll just recut these.
07:561,790 then.
07:58Or thereabouts.
08:00Thank you, Simi.
08:02And once you've squared off our mistakes, Tony and I thread the poles together with rope, which will make this cattle grid collapsible.
08:09Ow!
08:10What have you done to that?
08:12We're going to have to flame it again.
08:14And finally, we get to see if our cunning concertina plan actually works.
08:18In three, two, one...
08:23Oh!
08:25Oh, that works!
08:26It's beauty!
08:27It doesn't need that much force either.
08:29Collapsible cattle grid success, but we still need to find some really sticky stuff to fill it with.
08:35We also have to drill all the remaining pieces, devise the weighted mechanism that will close this,
08:41and we have to take the whole thing to a secret location in the countryside, fill it with our gunk,
08:47and then wait.
08:51For now, though, we take a break from our war against fly tippers for a well-earned pint.
08:56And it's now, when I'm at the pub, that people start bringing me their broken stuff that they want me to mend.
09:03In fact, I'm so used to this, I take my toolbox to the pub every time I go.
09:09Hello.
09:10Hi, I'm Kirsty.
09:11Hello, Kirsty.
09:12Hi.
09:13What have you got for us?
09:14My teddy bear, Peter.
09:15He's 53 years old.
09:18Younger than me.
09:20Definitely younger than me.
09:22And apart from being utterly furless, what is wrong with Peter?
09:28He used to make a sound sort of like a sheep, and now he doesn't.
09:32He's been in a loft for 35-plus years.
09:36Poor sod.
09:37Yeah.
09:38Is it one of those where you do that?
09:39Yeah.
09:40You can hear it?
09:42Oh, yeah.
09:43Whatever that is.
09:45Something's moving.
09:46What noise did it make?
09:47It was like a sheep, like a bar.
09:49I think...
09:50Well, I do know somebody who used to run a thing called Teddy Bear Hospital, and these old bears, they've usually got a moving weight and some sort of bellows.
09:57They used to be classified as squeakers and growlers.
10:01Right.
10:02One of them had a reed, and the other one had...
10:05Some kind of diaphragm or...
10:06Yeah.
10:08Something like that.
10:09...to try and make the sound work again.
10:10If you could, that would be lovely.
10:12And you've had him since you were...
10:14How old?
10:15Before I was born, my grandmother gave it to my mother while she was pregnant with me.
10:21So it predates you?
10:22Yeah.
10:23The teddy was waiting for you as you popped out of the womb?
10:26He was.
10:27And are these your initials?
10:28They are my initials, yeah.
10:29My mum stitched them in because he used to go everywhere with me.
10:32I've got a picture of him, actually.
10:35Oh, that's when he still had his fur.
10:38Yeah.
10:39And his head was on properly.
10:40Yes.
10:42At what point did Peter lose his speech?
10:46I have no idea.
10:48He's travelled with me.
10:49I was in the army, and he came everywhere with me.
10:52And then he ended up in a loft, and I thought I'd lost him.
10:59And then I got him back about three months ago, and he doesn't make any sound.
11:04How would you feel about us opening Peter up?
11:07That's fine.
11:08Are you sure?
11:09Yeah.
11:10We'll have to ask you to sign a consent form.
11:13Absolutely.
11:14And a do not resuscitate.
11:15Oh, look, there is my special superpower magnifying spectacles.
11:20And there is a scalpel.
11:23Has this been opened before?
11:25Not that I know of, no.
11:26How are you feeling about this, Kirsty?
11:28I'm slightly nervous.
11:29Whoop.
11:30Oh, swab.
11:31We found something that has not been exposed to the light since the early 1970s.
11:38Can I put my finger in?
11:39You might want to look away.
11:40I am.
11:42My God, it's huge.
11:45We need a bigger hole.
11:46We need a bigger hole.
11:48I'm actually getting nervous.
11:50Here it comes.
11:51Come on, there.
12:00Is that the noise it used to make?
12:02Slightly.
12:04But longer?
12:05Longer, yeah.
12:06See him, you afford him some dignity.
12:08Oh, sorry.
12:11We'll put him in the recovery position.
12:13OK, we will take this back to the workshop, Kirsty.
12:16We will mend it, reinsert it in the bowels of Peter.
12:21Simi will stitch him back together.
12:23He will be returned to you, growling as he did in your youth,
12:27and you will never know, and neither will he,
12:30that anything had ever happened.
12:31Excellent.
12:33Either that or it will go wrong and we'll chuck him on the bonfire.
12:37Please don't.
12:39Will we be able to perform this important and life-saving operation?
12:43Will Peter growl again?
12:46Will he be able to perform this particular incident later?
13:07Will he be able to perform this damn thing?
13:09Will he be able to perform this special incident in front of obsoleta?
13:14fly tipping causing damage to farmland and wildlife. Luckily Tony, Simi and I
13:21have come up with a cunning plan involving a collapsible cattle grid
13:25that will expose a sticky substance beneath to stop our fly tippers in their
13:30tracks. Now we just have to select our gunk. The options we have arrived at are
13:39cornflour, epoxy resin and this one which is a mastic so it remains plastic and
13:47sticky. Is that right? Yeah. What should we try? Should we try cornflour? I mean cornflour
13:54isn't it thixotropic so if they run across a cornflour mix quickly they will
13:57simply go across it. Go across it but if they amble across it. Yes then sink. How much
14:03we put in? Let's put it all in. Do you think? Yeah. Cornflour is weird stuff I think. I don't
14:12like using it in the kitchen. It's useful though. It is useful, I mean it's a crafty
14:17way to thicken up your cheese sauce. That is quite, so it's solid but if you put
14:24gentle pressure you sink. Oh, it's quite nice actually. And then it just goes liquid. The
14:32trouble is this. It's so much fun you'd find millions of fly tippers just
14:35frolicking in your cornflour. This cornflour and water goo is non-Newtonian
14:42meaning it doesn't follow Newton's laws as it can act as both a solid and a
14:47liquid and handily for us this ambiguity makes it very sticky. So we put it on the
14:53floor and put some shoe covers on. Who wants to try? We can try one each. Off to you. I'll do
15:00this one then so. Make sure you use the right foot. Yeah, good thinking Batman. So you've thrown your sofa away or your fridge or whatever. Fly tips. Nobody saw that. I'm off.
15:18It's not very good. What's the drag on your foot there? No, it's pretty grippy but I don't know that you'll necessarily get stuck. The idea is that the fly tipper is stuck to the fly tipper trap. I mean let's reserve judgement so we've tried a few other things. Shall we try the mass stick? So it never sets. No. It remains plastic in the true sense and hopefully quite sticky.
15:48Shall I? Yes. Carry on. It looks sticky. It does look sticky. This particular mastic forms an elastic watertight sealant that sticks firmly to wood, metal, concrete and we hope humans.
16:06It smells fantastic. Has anybody got any Bob Dylan records?
16:13Right. Whose turn is it to try? Are you going to do it Tony? Yeah. Go on Tony.
16:20Are you going to put both feet in? Yeah, I want to get splashes on my trainers.
16:26So, remember to method act. What are you dumping Tony? A telly. A telly, okay. Whoa, we've done that before. Whoa! Whoa!
16:42Hey, that looked like it could be quite good. Wow. It's slippy as well. Really slippy. That's really sticky.
16:49Oh, that's pretty good. It's very good. So, the mastic works. But because Simmy hates to feel left out, we decide to let him test the epoxy resin option. Also, he's got a bit of a thing about shoe covers.
17:03Shoe covers. You ready? Sim. Right. With your big fridge and action. I've got, I've got my fridge all over the hedging covers.
17:10Oh, ****.
17:15That's not very good. It's not very good, is it? It's also all over the floor.
17:18It is all over the floor. You can get it off the floor. It's very slippery. So, that's not ideal, is it?
17:23No. It's rubbish.
17:27So, to conclude this scene, men, because we've wanted to do it, you have one. Are you ready? In three, two, one.
17:42The mastic is a clear winner. It's the stickiest that we agreed. Absolutely.
17:47Right. So, that's what we'll do.
17:50Once that sticky mastic is added to our cattle grid fly trap, we may just be able to protect rural littles up and down the country from the blight of fly tipping.
18:01But there's another danger threatening the countryside, and that's the worrying demise of pub games.
18:08As a landlord myself, I'm not keen on fruit machines and dreary pub quizzes.
18:14But what about revisiting one of the old standards?
18:19The game of darts, it's essential to the formation of England's character, because without our prowess at darts, we wouldn't have been good at archery and defeated the French at Agincourt, for example.
18:34Now, this is a standard dartboard, probably the one you're familiar with. It's got doubles on the outside, trebles on the inner ring, and then a bull and a double bull.
18:42But there are other types of dartboard. For example, there is a Yorkshire dartboard, which only has the doubles.
18:48And then there's a Manchester dartboard, which has the numbers in a different order.
18:52There's also a Bath dartboard, which has some extra scoring areas around the outside, and so on and so on.
18:59Wiltshire does not have its own dartboard, so we thought maybe we'd come up with one.
19:05What do you think, Tony?
19:07Uh, yeah. What would you do, though?
19:11When I was a kid, me and my brother used to play drop darts, where you put the dartboard on the floor.
19:18We actually used to do it out of the bedroom window, with the dartboard down below in the garden.
19:24Let's try holding it by the...
19:26Oh, shot! Is it in?
19:28No, it's 25.
19:30Miles off.
19:32Yeah.
19:33I mean...
19:34It involves a lot of bending down, though.
19:38What if the dartboard starts rotating?
19:42Imagine how difficult it would be to throw at a rotating darts board.
19:46Yeah!
19:47That'd be... Yeah, we could do that.
19:49That'd be fun.
19:50Obviously, because we are, in fact, engineers, we need to test out the concept.
19:57Okay, so stand on the ocky, but about two feet back from the ocky.
20:03Oh, I don't want to throw a dart at you like that.
20:05No, no.
20:06Oh!
20:07You ready?
20:08You having a laugh?
20:11No.
20:16Yes, three on the board.
20:18Okay, now it's my turn.
20:27Crap rolling.
20:28Crap rolling.
20:29It's supposed to go over there.
20:30You deflected it with your first dart.
20:32So, the rotation idea works, but not rolling the board.
20:36Now we need Simi's help to try and make the board rotate in space.
20:41Shall we have a beer?
20:42Good idea.
20:43While Tony and I head off for a pint,
20:46Simi throws himself into creating a mechanism
20:49that will rotate our Wiltshire dartboard.
20:53First, he attaches a rotary switch to a wooden frame,
20:56and then he rigs up a variable speed controller
21:01before, after a quick swig,
21:04soldering together a small motor with a manual switch.
21:08Then he attaches a battery,
21:10has another essential beer break,
21:12and finally tests the rotating mechanism
21:15that will eventually attach to the dartboard,
21:18which we'll try out later,
21:20once Simi's joined us in the garden for another pint.
21:23Exciting!
21:35You find me back in my Wiltshire pub,
21:37and for good reason.
21:38There isn't enough entertainment in the pub,
21:41especially since I've banned Morris dancers and minstrels,
21:44so we're looking at how to refresh the greatest of all pub games.
21:50With the introduction of the Wiltshire dartboard,
21:54allow me to show it to you.
21:56Here it is, hanging on the wall at the regulation height,
21:59with the 20 at the top, where you'd expect.
22:02My two players, if you'd like to take the occi,
22:05gentlemen,
22:07then you will remember where you were when you first saw this,
22:10because the game of darts was changed forever.
22:14There it goes.
22:16The rotating Wiltshire dartboard.
22:20It doesn't look like much,
22:21but it makes the game extremely difficult,
22:23and let's be honest,
22:24it wasn't easy to start with.
22:26We're playing highest score, three darts,
22:28your throw, sir.
22:29It's making me dizzy.
22:30Here's the 20, but it's going round and round,
22:32you see, because it's the Wiltshire dartboard.
22:34Rubbish.
22:35Oh, he's going for the bull.
22:37Oh, it's tricky.
22:3943.
22:4112.
22:42Oh.
22:4319.
22:45Oh.
22:46Rubbish.
22:47James, come on.
22:48Do your best.
22:53Oh.
22:54Oh.
22:55And again.
22:5734.
22:58Yeah.
22:59No.
23:00No.
23:01No, no, no.
23:02Right, I'm speeding it up for round two.
23:08Oh.
23:09Oh.
23:10Yes.
23:11Wow.
23:12Should we reverse?
23:13Oh.
23:14Oh.
23:15Oh.
23:16Oh.
23:17Oh, he's got 60.
23:18Oh.
23:19Oh.
23:20Oh.
23:21Oh.
23:22I didn't believe I missed the ball, James.
23:24I've only got this one left,
23:25and I have to score 29 or more.
23:26And I have to score 29 or more.
23:35That means the winner is Sim.
23:38But this invention wasn't meant just to entertain the three of us.
23:42It has to work on the seething, roaring mass that is the general public.
23:47Let's see if any of the locals would like to play Wiltshire Darts.
23:50Hmm.
23:51No.
23:52It's not looking good.
23:53Well, yes, you're right.
23:54It's not ideal.
23:55It's not good.
23:56It's 24.
23:57That's nothing.
23:58At least I tried.
23:59Five.
24:00Six.
24:01Ten.
24:02Congratulations.
24:03That's truly terrible.
24:04Eight.
24:05Oh, dear.
24:06That's 17, sir.
24:07That's very poor, I hope you don't mind me saying.
24:16Scores may be low, but the game is a huge hit with the regulars and also admit that it's
24:21Eight. Oh, dear. That's 17, sir. That's very poor. I hope you don't mind me saying.
24:29Scores may be low, but the game is a huge hit with the regulars, and also, it turns out, with our film crew, with producer Lucy very keen to play.
24:41You've thrown it away.
24:43As everybody rushes to stand in front of the board for their own safety, it's probably time to sum this up.
24:49I'm not entirely sure what to say about Wiltshire Darts, apart from that it's excellent. Thank you for watching.
24:57That's one successful step along the path to revitalise British pub entertainment, and I've got plenty more ideas up my sleeve.
25:05But now, we must return to the pressing matter of Kirsty's Bear, who, after years in the loft, has lost his growl,
25:14and Simeon and I have been entrusted with the weighty task of giving Peter his voice back.
25:20Right, viewers, our mission today is to provide Peter the Bear, beloved of Kirsty, with a more impressive...
25:27..one of those.
25:30According to Kirsty, it was originally louder and longer, and we may be able to improve the sound as well.
25:36We've never done this before, oddly.
25:38First, we need to remove Peter's growl box to see how it works.
25:48What if we made that just twice as long, and this twice as long, and then you'd get a longer...
25:54So it is. It's like...
26:01Oh, God.
26:01It's got a very simple reed there, similar to something you would find in a crude musical instrument.
26:11And this seems to be some sort of very, very simple amplifier.
26:16We could remake that...
26:18Bigger.
26:19Much bigger.
26:20And much longer.
26:21There's a lot of room.
26:22There's tons of room.
26:23It could go right down to his...
26:25..and up to his neck.
26:26So we could, you know, we could put an enormous growler in there.
26:34Yes.
26:36Right.
26:36That's the plan.
26:38We're going to remake it bigger and better, which, in terms of a teddy bear growl, means longer.
26:45To see if we can give Peter a larger, longer growl,
26:49Sim and I want to see what happens when we elongate the sandbox's journey
26:53by throwing it down the longest tube we can find.
26:57Three metres of cylindrical polyvinyl chloride.
27:00Is everybody ready?
27:01Also known as a drain pipe.
27:03Let her go.
27:07I think it needs to be totally upright.
27:15That was epic!
27:25Nice!
27:26You're trying with the shorter length?
27:28Yes.
27:28So Peter's growler needs to be...
27:30Oh, that?
27:31Yeah.
27:31OK.
27:33Now we've established how big we can make Peter's new growler,
27:36we cut it to size.
27:40Let's just see how long a growl we get.
27:42It's got to be a bit safer than that.
27:48To slow the movement of the growler and thus lengthen the growl,
27:52we need some sort of fabric cap with holes punched through.
27:56That's a bit on the wonk, isn't it?
27:59I mean, it doesn't matter.
28:00I mean, no one's ever going to see it because it's going to be deep in Peter's bowel,
28:05apart from all the people watching it on television, obviously.
28:07I think to get the result, we need to tape this on to the end to seal that one end.
28:14The noise goes in that way?
28:15Yeah.
28:19Why how could that...
28:20Is there a plan B at this point?
28:30No.
28:35OK.
28:36Anyway, we're not going to give up.
28:39Luckily, Simi, ever the optimist, has an idea that might help create the sound,
28:44and it involves a pair of black rubber gloves.
28:48We're making a replacement bellow.
28:50The old one is rather elaborate.
28:54We're not sure what material it is.
28:57It's almost like a waxed paper,
29:00but it has been ironed so that it has effectively a helix in it.
29:07So it's ironed in two directions.
29:09So it's got ridges on the outside and the inside,
29:11but that seems unnecessarily complicated in a world of modern materials,
29:15such as rubber gloves.
29:17So we're making it out of the rubber glove.
29:19The theory here is that the rubber glove should fill with air
29:22and force it past the reed, which makes the sound.
29:27OK.
29:28Are we ready?
29:29I'm slightly...
29:31Ah.
29:40Damn, ****.
29:42How can that not work?
29:43The addition of the bellows has made...
29:47Let's have a look.
29:49The growlers stick in the tube.
29:50Oh, is that what it's doing?
29:55That's so feeble.
29:59Situation update on Peter the teddy bear.
30:02Situation update is that since Peter the bear
30:06was admitted to our bear growler hospital,
30:09his condition has deteriorated quite significantly.
30:13Some of his stuffing's come out.
30:15He's got a massive wound in his spine and his voice doesn't work anymore.
30:20But apart from that...
30:21It's not easy, is it?
30:23I hate this bear.
30:24So our attempts at repairing Peter's existing growl box have run adrift.
30:31But we can't let Kirstie and her precious bear down.
30:34And so, after some deliberation, Sim and I decide that desperate times call for desperate measures.
30:41Are you sitting comfortably, children?
30:44Kirstie had a very special bear called Peter, and Peter could growl like a proper grown-up bear.
30:51But one day, Peter's growl failed, and Kirstie sent poor Peter to Simeon James to be repaired.
31:00It's proved rather difficult because Peter's reed is bent and worn out, his bellows have perished.
31:06But of course you know all that, children, because you've been on this incredible adventure with us.
31:12But now, Simi and James have had to do something they've never done before on this show.
31:18Which is, order a spare part and fit that instead.
31:22Here it is, commercially available growler from a bear specialist.
31:28Peter can growl again.
31:33And now, Mr Oakley the surgeon is going to sew it into Peter.
31:39And nobody need ever know.
31:41No, it's our secret.
31:44There you go, Sim.
31:45Thank you very much.
31:46Once Simi has sewn up, the patient will send him to convalesce.
31:50The bear, I mean.
31:51Before returning him to Kirstie.
31:53As good as new.
31:55Well, almost.
32:00You rejoin us in Wiltshire, where I'm coming up with ideas to solve problems big and small that bother us all.
32:07Whether that's flytippers ruining the glorious countryside, or that your lunch is just lacking that certain something.
32:16We have identified a problem, which is that you go out to a pub or a restaurant and you have some food and it's all jolly nice.
32:22But you think, I'd like a little bit of garnish on that.
32:25What if you could take the garnish with you and then you could garnish whatever it was you were eating wherever?
32:31So we thought, why not incorporate them into an item of clothing?
32:35To wit, a hat.
32:37You see, this rests very conveniently on your head.
32:41If the brim were full of soil and herbs, you could merely pluck one and add it to your cheesy pasta.
32:48So, join me as we make the world's first herb hat.
32:56This is harder than it looks.
33:01The problem I'm experiencing is that the brim of the hat is not as deep as the typical English garden herb bed.
33:12So maybe we need to get rid of some bigger...
33:14And maybe make the soil a bit wetter.
33:16But don't I have to retain the root?
33:17Yes, but if you just...
33:20So if we get rid of those boys and keep that one in its root...
33:24What, and discard those?
33:25I think snip that off.
33:27I always have my comedy carrot-shaped Japanese scissors in my pocket, fortunately.
33:32I snip those off.
33:35We're now getting somewhere with the herb hat, compacted soil and a sprig of basil.
33:41I've been on television quite a long time now, I think it's about 25 years.
33:44And because I understand the basics of television, I know that we're going to skip forward to a comedy shot of me approaching my own pub with a hat full of herbs on my head.
33:55And here I am.
33:59Afternoon.
33:59Afternoon.
34:00Ham, egg and chips.
34:02Yes.
34:02Epic.
34:04Nice hat, James.
34:06Yeah, you're rocking that.
34:11Sorry.
34:13It was a bit of a breeze.
34:14Would you like some Garni?
34:19Have you got any coriander?
34:20I have.
34:21I believe it's there, isn't it?
34:23Yes.
34:24May I?
34:24Yes, of course.
34:25Here are the exquisite Japanese scissors.
34:32Sim, anything you'd like with your...
34:33A little basil would be nice.
34:35Basil is...
34:36Ooh.
34:37Can Tony reach that?
34:38Ooh, ooh.
34:39Is that enough?
34:39Yeah.
34:40I think ham, egg and chips, I would like...
34:43I'd like a few chives on my eggs and my chips.
34:47Allow me.
34:51Here you go.
34:52Thanks awfully.
34:54What do you think of my hat?
34:55I mean, be honest.
34:57Well, honest.
34:58Yeah, yeah.
35:00I mean, you look like words of gummage, but...
35:02It's a bit Morristar, isn't it?
35:03It is.
35:04It's actually very useful.
35:06It's a top hat.
35:08See what I did there?
35:08I'd say this works.
35:14It's a little uncomfortable, but it's very achievable at home.
35:17All you need is a hat, some nutrient-rich soil, some herbs, a low sense of self-esteem.
35:28Robert's your mother's brother.
35:30Next, spice shoes.
35:33No, that's ridiculous.
35:36Shoes covered in spices would just look stupid.
35:39Meanwhile, here are some lovely shots of the Wiltshire countryside.
35:43And we're hoping to keep it that way, with our cunning invention to stop the curse of fly-tipping.
35:52We return to the fly-tipper, fly-trap.
35:55Fly-tipping is becoming a blight.
35:57In the countryside, we have devised a way of catching people in the act.
36:01It is essentially a fly-trap.
36:03It's based on the idea of a retracting cattle grid that exposes a very sticky substance that traps the miscreants so that they can be apprehended and then they can pay their debt to society.
36:16Now, in a previous installment, we proved the principle of the retracting cattle grid.
36:20And now we've set it up in this fly-tipping area.
36:23It's already full of junk.
36:24It's a very popular location.
36:26You know, saw horses, old records, players, speakers, badminton bats and so on.
36:31And amongst is a fairly typical old bicycle.
36:34Or is it?
36:35No, it isn't.
36:36It is actually the trigger mechanism for the whole thing.
36:39Let me explain to you how it works.
36:40When our fly-tippers approach, they walk over the cattle grid, which is closed and it's outside a gate, they suspect nothing.
36:47And they lob whatever it is, their bread maker, whatever, over here, and it hits this trigger string.
36:54This trigger string, via this pulley here, pulls on this hinged piece of wood, which releases the front brake of the bicycle.
37:05The front wheel, now free to rotate, begins to rotate under the tension of this bungee cord until the sledgehammer, which is attached to the wheel, passes top dead centre and then gravity does its work.
37:19The rotation of the wheel and the extra torque provided by the sledgehammer operates this pulley system, which retracts the cattle grid.
37:28They think we got away with that, run away, stuck, we turn up with clubs and beat them to death.
37:32Now, we're going to test this out with some fictitious fly-tippers.
37:35This is not real, this is a setup, but me, Tony and Simi, to see if it works, are going to watch from over there, behind the wall.
37:43If you didn't understand the explanation, don't worry, we're filming it all with little cameras and we'll do a slow motion action replay and you can see it all working in graphic detail.
37:53Right, are we ready?
37:55Let's prime the trap.
37:57So, a few redesigned and repurposed bits of junk could, if we've got our calculations correct, trigger our trap and catch some fly-tippers in the world's first ever fly-tipping fly-trap.
38:12It's quite sticky.
38:13Patent pending.
38:15Right, I think we can go and hide.
38:17So, the trap is set and, as if by magic, a mysterious van pulls up.
38:35Oh, he's stopping.
38:37He is, he is.
38:38Oh, he's got to be one.
38:40That's a really tatty van, that's always a sign.
38:43He's getting out.
38:44Oh, they've got hoodies on.
38:47Oh, look at them, dirty fly-tippers.
38:49Yes, dirty fly-tippers that do look remarkably like members of our crew.
38:54What is it? What is it? Washing machine?
38:57It's bloody...
38:58Mattress.
39:00God.
39:01I've got a kettle grid door.
39:03There you go.
39:04Yes, yes, yes. Oh.
39:06Oh.
39:06Oh.
39:08Got you.
39:21That's so good.
39:24It actually totally works.
39:27Oi, fly-tippers.
39:28You're in a fly-trap and you're going down.
39:31Oh, well done, men. That is fantastic.
39:36That was good job.
39:37That's an absurd idea, but it works.
39:41And, as promised, here it is in glorious slow motion.
39:45It may be a prototype, but the principle is sound.
39:48Fly-tippers can be caught like flies in a trap.
39:50And that is engineering and poetic success.
39:58So, we've solved fly-tipping, pub entertainment, garnishing on the move.
40:04But we've really struggled trying to fix Peter the bear,
40:08whose growler was no longer fit for purpose.
40:11I never imagined I would end up being involved in the repair of a teddy bear.
40:16I was expecting clocks or lawnmowers, you know.
40:20Not teddies.
40:21Not a teddy bear.
40:23What a pain.
40:24I'll be quite glad to see the back of him.
40:26Aw, I'll miss Peter.
40:28I can see the back of him now.
40:29I don't know how she's going to react when we admit that we haven't really mended him as such.
40:34What happens if she throws one?
40:36I don't think she will.
40:38You think so?
40:38No.
40:39What we've actually done here is a transplant.
40:41We have, yes.
40:42And a successful one.
40:43And that's really the cutting edge of teddy bear medicine.
40:50Hello.
40:54Hello.
40:54Have a seat.
40:55Nice to see you again.
40:57Hi.
40:59Here is Roger.
41:00Peter.
41:02Have you missed him?
41:03I've missed him a lot.
41:05Have you?
41:05I have.
41:06Well, it's strange.
41:07We've become very familiar with Peter.
41:09He's been a constant lurking presence in our lives.
41:13And we looked after very carefully, of course.
41:15I'm glad.
41:16I'm glad you did.
41:17Well, do you want to know what we've done?
41:18Yes, please.
41:20Well, the Simi began the quite difficult operation with a long incision down his spine.
41:25Yeah.
41:26And then we successfully removed his growler.
41:29Yes.
41:29And that's where things became a bit difficult.
41:31It had sort of disintegrated a bit.
41:34And his growler wasn't very strong anymore.
41:37No.
41:37And we looked at making a longer tube and a bigger bellows.
41:41We tried various fabrics.
41:43We tried a rubber glove.
41:44Sounds a bit complicated.
41:45It was complicated.
41:46He was on the table for hours.
41:47And at one point, we thought we might lose him.
41:49I don't know.
41:52Eventually, we consulted, well, a consultant teddy bear surgeon who said, I'm afraid he had
42:01to have a new growler.
42:02So he's had a transplant.
42:06Okay.
42:06But if you'd like to tip him on his back.
42:16Oh, it's the same.
42:19It sounds exactly the same.
42:24Oh, it does.
42:27It sounds exactly the same.
42:28If you tip him right back and wait for a bit for the growler to extend.
42:34And then.
42:35It sounds just like a telephone.
42:41So you're pleased.
42:42Very pleased.
42:43Thank you so much.
42:46So good.
42:47Well, I'm delighted that you're pleased.
42:50I'm very pleased.
42:50Because I thought I'd lost him for a long, long time.
42:53And now he sounds exactly like he did when I was a child.
42:57So, yeah.
42:58He's quite emotional.
42:59Well, you can take him back to your home and enjoy the rest of your lives together.
43:06I will.
43:07Thank you so much.
43:08It's really appreciated.
43:09That's okay.
43:10It's a pleasure.
43:12Thank you very much.
43:14Bye.
43:15Bring him back when his head falls off.
43:16Can you see her?
43:20She's properly delighted.
43:22That bear is loved.
43:24And if we, as humanity, could love each other the way Kirsty loves that bear, everything would be okay, apart from for me.
43:33Thank you very much.
44:04Bye.
44:05Bye.
44:06Bye.
44:07Bye.
44:08Bye.
44:09Bye.
44:10Bye.
44:11Bye.
44:12Bye.
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