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00:00¡Hola!
00:07These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home
00:12and the pub I own
00:14thinking about all the big problems in the world
00:17and some smaller ones that annoy me
00:21Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all
00:25or at least try
00:28my shed
00:30Right
00:31It's here that I have the tools
00:33Let's just saw some wood up
00:35the tea
00:37and a couple of other highly competent blokes
00:41Very good, brace yourself
00:43who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems
00:46Is she getting the ticket out?
00:47Great
00:48Dirty flight at us
00:49and small
00:51The cereal has gone soggy
00:53I'll also have to take on other people's problems
00:56What is wrong with Peter?
00:57He used to make a sound and now he doesn't
01:00By which I mean the locals at my pub
01:02who are always bringing me stuff to mend
01:05Is it a train set?
01:08So join us and our excitable crew
01:11Who will capture our endeavours
01:14That was epic
01:16As we create
01:17Make
01:19That feels like a terrible thing we've just done
01:22Repair
01:23So it's never worked
01:24Not in my lifetime
01:25And repurpose
01:26In my shed load of ideas
01:32What do you think?
01:33What do you think?
01:34This is just brilliant
01:35Here in Wiltshire
01:47My mates and I spend a lot of time in my big shed solving problems
01:53Simi lends us his engineering expertise
01:58Yes
01:59While Tony chips in with his top-notch carpentry skills
02:02Huzzah!
02:04And today we're taking our combined wisdom out of the workshop
02:08And into a particularly pretty cinema in nearby Salisbury
02:12Can I have a popcorn please?
02:15There we are
02:16Oh fantastic
02:17Thank you
02:18You're welcome
02:19With cinema attendance in the UK in decline
02:21We think we might just be able to eliminate one of the problems
02:25That could be putting people off
02:27I will now demonstrate with these two and the crew
02:32So here you are at the cinema with your mates
02:35You're about to watch one of your favourite films of all time
02:39And then this happens
02:41I mean that is exactly in the way of the screen
02:51And if that's bad for me and I'm reasonably tall
02:54Imagine what it's like for these people entering the cinema now
02:58If they sit behind us
03:02We've known about this for as long as we've had cinemas
03:05In fact as long as we've had theatres
03:07Which goes back to Nell Gwyn and people like that
03:10And the fact is cinemas have a raked floor
03:14Obviously this has a very typical one
03:16It's about 4 degrees
03:18But it's nothing like good enough
03:20Because if we take Ethan
03:21If you wouldn't mind standing up
03:25Here's the tallest member of this crew
03:27And then we put him next to our smallest member
03:30Who is Lottie here
03:32Look at the difference in height
03:35It is interesting that all people
03:37It doesn't matter whether they are massive units
03:40Massively overfed like Ethan
03:43Or Lottie undernourished and quite small
03:46The distance between the centre of the eyes and the top of the head
03:49Is always pretty much the same
03:51It's the same
03:52If you wouldn't mind turning around Ethan
03:53You will see even on his enormous bonts
03:57That distance is roughly the same
03:59So cinema seats ought to be arranged
04:01So that that distance is the distance of the next row's eyes
04:06Above the head of the person in front
04:08So why not simply say
04:10Small people have to sit at the front of the cinema
04:12And big people have to sit at the back
04:15That would make sense
04:16Except, as Lottie points out
04:18She's got a massive boyfriend
04:20Because she didn't have the decency to go out with someone her own size
04:23So we'd have to split them up
04:24We'd have to have Lottie at the front
04:26And a boyfriend right on the back row
04:28And they can't have a snog like that, let's be honest
04:30So I think there might be a more sophisticated solution to this
04:33And I think we can probably come up with it
04:38And in just the time it takes to watch Battle of Britain
04:41The director's cut and get back to the shed
04:43We have indeed come up with an idea for adjustable seats
04:47Designed to equalise the cinema viewing experience
04:54Now obviously the cinema seats have to go up and down
04:58We have some old cinema seats
05:00And we have these screw jacks
05:02Of a type that you use to raise your car up before changing a wheel
05:06What do we think?
05:07So I think all we need to do is
05:10We'll make up a little steel frame which we can weld to this
05:13This is our seat
05:14Which will be on our frame like so
05:16A couple of back supports coming up to here
05:19How are we supporting them?
05:20So we've got a little steel frame that will go under here
05:23Welded to the jack so it's solid
05:27Come up to here and we'll pick up into the wood
05:30At the right angle and the right height
05:37That seems like a very low seat
05:39That is
05:40But we could put riser blocks underneath
05:42Well this is the original
05:45So that should be our kind of set height
05:48So they'll have to be on riser blocks
05:51Therefore we have to calculate how big a riser block we put underneath it
05:55105mm
05:57So if we know now that that is our height of our plinth
06:03So riser blocks are 150mm
06:08That's not complicated
06:10This is probably how the Saturn V was developed
06:12Somebody wrote 150mm on a bench and drew a box around it
06:15And then they knew, right we've got it
06:17So we need to make the plinths and we need to make the steel work at the same time ideally
06:23We now know the height our riser block needs to be
06:26For the jack to sit on to bring the seat to its correct starting height
06:31First Simi gets to work on the steel frame for the seat
06:35While Tony and I build a box plinth which will act as the riser block
06:40That's near enough for government work
06:42This involves a lot of measuring
06:44148
06:45Sawing
06:47And screwing
06:49While Simi sets about welding the steel frame
06:53Which joins our old cinema seat to the jack
06:56Everybody touch that, it's quite warm
06:58Tony and I do some more measuring
07:00Sawing
07:02And screwing
07:03To make the box plinth the jack will sit on
07:06Now all we need to do is put it all together
07:08And we are ready to test our prototype seat
07:11It's quite heavy that
07:14I hate that noise
07:16Right, rest
07:18To begin with should we put somebody small?
07:26We could put somebody small
07:27Or light
07:28Light
07:29So that's not you, not you
07:31Alright, alright
07:32Who would like to be the first person to sit in the elevating cinema seat?
07:38When you say like, I mean I will do it
07:41Well you're the lightest
07:42Oh, okay
07:44What do I hold on to?
07:46Well you're not going to be launched
07:47It's just going to go up a bit
07:48Okay
07:49Don't be alarmed
07:53Yes
07:56Yeah, like
07:59What did you do at work today darling?
08:01Well, I wound Lucy up and down
08:07I think that's too wobbly
08:08Probably
08:09Yeah, I mean
08:10It's not comfortable
08:12This isn't really very good is it?
08:15Well we might have to have a little rethink
08:16So the screw jacks are a lot wobblier than we realise when it doesn't have a car steadying it
08:23But what if they were the hydraulic jacks instead?
08:26Slower to pump up
08:28But they'd be much more stable
08:31Yes
08:32Do you mind stepping off for a minute?
08:34No
08:35Not at all
08:36Sorry
08:37The other way is to make a mechanism that stays rigid and has the jack just as the lift
08:45Ah, that's... yes
08:47It's just a lot of work
08:48It is a lot of work
08:50While Simi starts work designing the new hydraulic jack powered box structures Tony and I head to the pub
08:58And as usual and because of my reputation for mending things
09:01We've only been there about five minutes when a local in this case Peter turns up with some weird brass thing
09:09Hello
09:10Hello
09:11Hello
09:12James
09:13Nice to meet you
09:14Nice to meet you
09:15Have you brought a cannon?
09:16It's not a cannon, it's actually
09:18Oh, it's a telescope
09:19It's a telescope
09:20Oh, that's some beauty, isn't it?
09:21Where did that come from?
09:23My wife bought it on eBay a few months ago
09:27But it does come with a nice backstory
09:29It was brought back from India on an around the world QE2 cruise
09:34In the... I believe the late 70s, early 80s
09:37Does that mean stolen?
09:38Acquired
09:39Acquired, yes, I like it
09:41Quite heavy, isn't it?
09:42I suppose that's why it comes with a tripod
09:45Um, it doesn't seem to quite work
09:48It... no
09:50Has it ever worked?
09:52I don't know
09:53It's basically like looking at the world without your specs on
09:55Do you know that could be a micro focus? A micro adjustment?
09:58So the eyepiece does move out
10:00Next, move your fingers further out that bit
10:03Ah
10:04Does that move that slightly?
10:07Doesn't appear to
10:08But should it?
10:10So usually there's a gear mechanism in there, like a rack of pinions
10:13So my thoughts are that inside the end there, there may be some sort of thread that connects to it
10:18Yes
10:19Or do it once upon a time
10:20Yes
10:21To try out Tony's theory, we mount Peter's telescope on its tripod
10:25And see if we can focus on something
10:27Everything is still blurry
10:29That doesn't do anything
10:34Oh wait
10:35Close things are almost in focus
10:39So all the optics seem to line up
10:41Yes, I'm looking at that power cable, that's nice and crisp
10:45The trees far away are blurry, so
10:49I think you're right Tony, that rotating that should gear that
10:54Very precisely
10:55Okay
10:56Tools
10:59A lot of old telescopes used to unscrew, didn't they?
11:02Oh
11:03Have you done this before?
11:05Right, now you're onto something
11:06There you go
11:07So basically this has to move, but quite precisely
11:10In order for what you're looking at, at a particular distance
11:13To be in focus
11:16But Peter has a concern, which may scupper the whole project
11:21It could well be
11:23What's known as a furniture piece
11:25A what-y?
11:26A furniture piece
11:27Ah, a shalscope
11:29This quite possibly was never intended to work as a telescope
11:32It was just meant to look cool in your beachfront house
11:36There is a possibility
11:37Be careful there's not a pin in it
11:39Yeah, exactly
11:40Shall I take it off over this slotted table over the garden?
11:42Take it off over my hands
11:44So, you can see inside there, the thread
11:48So when you rotate that, a pin that would locate in the thread
11:53Would be pulled one way or pushed the other way
11:56And Tony has just found that whatever that pin was, appears to have sheared off
12:00Peter, this might be good news
12:02I'm pleased to hear it
12:03I think this does suggest that it's a bit more than just ornamental
12:07Because someone's gone to the trouble of machining quite a sophisticated thread in there
12:11Which would suggest to me that this is, in fact, meant to work
12:16So how the hell does it come out?
12:18Does the eyepiece come off?
12:20Yeah, that bit of unscrews, that was loose earlier
12:22And then we pull it through the other way
12:24Ah!
12:25It's here
12:26Oh
12:27Where?
12:28There
12:30Got it
12:31There you go, that's the culprit
12:33Ah, that's what's broken
12:35So in order to mend it, we will have to remake this piece
12:40With two countersunk holes to allow it to be screwed to the moveable part of the eyepiece
12:45And then with a pin, the exact dimensions of which we will have to work out using a micrometer
12:50That inserts in this hole and engages on the inside of that
12:53Put it all back together, mount it on the tripod, pointed out to the sea and say
12:57I see no ships
13:00Ladies and gentlemen
13:02We have
13:04A lathe job
13:06So, can Tony and I, and the lathe, fix Peter's telescope?
13:10Well, I for one can't wait to find out
13:27Welcome back to Wiltshire, where we've been entrusted with the task of repairing Peter's busted telescope
13:43The problem we have identified is that this ring, which is now broken, as you can see
13:49Sits around the middle of this tube and has on it, or did have on it, a pin
13:55Which acts in an inverted worm gear inside there
13:59You turn with that, and that makes the eyepiece move in and out and focuses it
14:03So we've got to remake this, which is a job for the lathe
14:08Tony here has never used the metalworking lathe, or the engine lathe, as it's sometimes called
14:14I have found this old flywheel that I accidentally made to completely the wrong dimensions many years ago
14:20And we can, I believe, fashion out of that the new ring, the ratio dictated by the gear
14:28Before Tony can have a go, he has to have a lathe tutorial
14:31That is the saddle, which moves that way
14:34That is the cross slide, which moves that way
14:37And this is called the compound slide
14:39The way it's set up at the moment, it moves backwards and forwards
14:41A fine feed version of that, but you can also set it at angles to do clever things like screw cutting
14:46Hope you got all that, Tony
14:48There are no safety features, there isn't even an emergency stop on this
14:52You have to hit that with your knee, there's no chuck guard
14:55I missed then and hurt my knee, but that's what you do, okay?
14:59Ow!
15:01Do I need it again, James?
15:03Not really, no
15:05I'm not sure who's more nervous about this, Tony, or me?
15:10Start lathe
15:11Please
15:13Right, I'll now turn it to 10,000
15:16That's near enough
15:18We will now bear witness to the genesis of the new inner ring for Peter's telescope
15:23A tiny bit more
15:27And Tony's love affair with the lathe
15:32So, that's indoctrination over and a new brass ring well on the way
15:36Sarah, my other half, says James has gone into his workshop to make a piece of metal into a smaller piece of metal
15:42Because that's actually all you can do
15:44But now it's an exquisite piece of metal
15:46Exactly
15:48Do you think you'll get one?
15:49Yeah, definitely
15:50It's addictive already
15:51It is
15:52You either really get it, or you think it's the dullest thing in the world
15:55Which, to be honest, most of my mates do
15:57But, I don't care
16:00With Tony now a card-carrying member of Lathe Club
16:04I leave him to finish the ring and the pin for the telescope under the watchful eye of Simmy
16:09We're going to put these holes in and they have to line up because these holes are pre-drilled and threaded
16:16We want to be able to put the screws, these little tiny screws, back into those holes once we've drilled the new holes
16:23To make the holes, they're using my milling machine
16:29Two of the holes will attach the ring to the telescope tube
16:33And the other is for the pin, that will move the eyepiece to control the focus
16:36I've got clearance holes with canter stunks
16:40Yep
16:42Next, Simm taps the hole for the pin, which they make from an old screw
16:46Do you want to just do it freehand?
16:48Which, in turn, is turned on the lathe to get it to the right size
16:54It's got to be it, doesn't it?
16:56And we'll find out if it all fits, and by we, I mean you and me, viewers
17:01When Tony hands in his homework later on
17:03Now, I've asked Simm to meet me at the pub, which is also a popular B&B
17:14Less popular, though, is a problem facing me and my fellow B&B owners
17:19And if you're one of the 87% of adults who eat breakfast cereal every day, you'll have come across it too
17:26Mmm, mmm, mmm
17:31Crunchy
17:33Crunchy is nice, but by the time you're about halfway through the bowl
17:37The cereal has gone soft
17:40And soggy
17:42And we don't want that, so we were wondering
17:43Is there a way of eating breakfast cereal, a bowl of breakfast cereal, in such a way, or with such a device, that means it is always crunchy, all the way till the end
17:56And Simm has had a bit of an idea
18:01Maybe
18:03We need to introduce the milk at the point of entry into your mouth
18:07To the workshop
18:11So, our aim is to solve soggy cereal, and in so doing, reduce the amount we chuck away at the pub, and in homes everywhere
18:23Fortunately, one of us has an idea about how we might do that
18:27So I've got this plan, so we put a spoon onto a straw
18:34And we mould the straw to the underside of the spoon
18:40You might have to flatten the end a little bit
18:42And then we have a flexible tube at this end
18:45Going into your bottle of milk, or your orange juice, or whatever you fancy
18:51Orange juice? Do people eat breakfast cereal with orange juice?
18:53Yes indeed
18:54Do they?
18:55In Norway
18:56Do they?
18:57Yes
18:58I didn't know that
18:59They think it's very weird, we put cow juice on
19:02I've been to Norway quite a few times
19:05I said you were a bit weird when I was there, and I was right
19:09You'll be able to put this in your mouth, and suck up the required amount of fluid
19:15That you require
19:17Are we going to base it on this spoon?
19:19I think similar
19:22Because it doesn't need to be dished as much as that, because it's not holding any liquid
19:26Are you talking about making a spoon?
19:28Yeah
19:29Oh
19:31How are you going to make a spoon?
19:33It's not something I've ever done
19:35It's not something I've ever done either
19:37So I think we should just mark out our ideal shape
19:40It's a very thin bit of copper
19:41Yes
19:42Which I think, at the end of the day, when this is soldered to it, it'll give it a nice bit of strength
19:47Because it'll be like a spine running down the whole thing
19:50Yes
19:51It'll be very good, so I think we can mark it out
19:53Tin snips
19:55Yeah
19:56Bit of sanding
19:58We'll heat it up a little bit to anneal it
20:00Yes, that means make it go softer
20:02It does make it go softer
20:04And then we'll hammer it out
20:05OK
20:07Spoons are normally made out of stainless steel, because it's rust proof
20:12But we're making our sauce spoon out of copper, because it's soft and malleable
20:17Which will come in handy at the next stage
20:20That is like man's first spoon
20:23It's like the genesis of the spoon
20:26They thought, this looks useful, I'm sure we can improve it
20:29Maybe make it a bit dished and a bit more rigid
20:32But I think we're onto something
20:35Next, we hammer out the dished part of the spoon
20:38Easily done with malleable copper
20:41Here you go, James
20:43That is incredible
20:48So it doesn't look very impressive, but it's a long process
20:52And what has happened here is we've started off with a piece of soft copper
20:55But the process of hammering it has hardened it, because it work hardens, as the expression is
21:01It happens very quickly with copper, so the thing we have to do next is anneal it
21:07Which is a way of saying soften it again
21:09And we do that by heating it up
21:11And then allowing it to cool naturally
21:13Then it will be softened
21:14And we'll probably have to do that several times before Sim arrives at the final shape of the spoon
21:18Which, let's be honest, is a way off
21:19But not for long, as Sim heats
21:23Hammers
21:26Heats again
21:28Hammers again
21:30That's going there, isn't it?
21:32And again
21:34Until we're ready for stage two
21:37And next we're going to join to it the copper tube that will deliver the milk, orange juice, whatever
21:44So we need to work out its length and then shape it as close as possible to the spoon
21:50Then we'll bind it with some fuse wire and solder it, and then we can test it
21:55So, after some cutting and shaping
22:01It's time to bind the tube to the spoon using a small clamp and Simi's expert soldering
22:08I tend to bugger up soldering, so I'm just giving it to you to do
22:17What's going to happen?
22:20We've got to warm the whole piece first
22:22There she belongs
22:27There she goes
22:29Do you want to do spoon?
22:33There you've got that bit
22:35I'm going to have to do the spoon end
22:45There she's going
22:47A bit more at the front, that's it, gone
22:49Crammed
22:52Oh, that's filled that nicely, look at that
22:57Well that's the bit going in your mouth, so
23:00In your mouth
23:02It's a spoon, and I think it's pretty good
23:09Do I?
23:11It's going to work
23:12Is it?
23:13It tastes absolutely horrible
23:15I'm not so sure baker's fluid is that good
23:18Oh God
23:20Oh, lucky Nora
23:21And it is hardly corrosive, so it's slightly acidic
23:24Might be worth rinsing your mouth
23:26Oh
23:30Is that just water?
23:31That's our joke, quince of water
23:32That's our joke, quince of water
23:37Thank you
23:38Rinse, don't swallow
23:39Mmm
23:51Welcome back to Wiltshire
23:53And my pub
23:55Where we've been tackling the previously insurmountable problem of soggy cereal by inventing
24:01The sauce spoon
24:04This is its inaugural outing
24:07Let's see if it works
24:09I have here the other vital component, the food safe plastic tubing
24:13Which goes into my milk
24:16Like so
24:18Is everybody ready?
24:20I'm going in
24:22Oh, that's a good start
24:23Oh, that's a good start
24:37How good is that?
24:40It only works
24:42Wow
24:44That's got to be the best thing I've ever seen
24:46There's nothing else I can say about that
24:48It works exactly as intended
24:51And it's perfect
24:53Your mouthful is like the first one
24:55In fact, do you want to try it?
24:57I'll wipe it off for you
24:58I'm just kidding
24:59Go on then, I'll have a quick go
25:01I'm intrigued
25:03Genuinely, it works
25:17That is genuinely the best thing
25:19It's fantastic
25:21What's surprising?
25:23Is how little milk you use
25:24Yeah
25:26It's truly brilliant on every level
25:29Saves waste, improves the breakfast dining experience
25:34It keeps your cereal crunchy
25:38There is an elephant in the room though
25:42Which is the Norwegian way
25:45You brought it up, I'll do it
25:48I'll do it
25:52This is for Norway
25:53This is for Norway
26:09That's really stupid
26:11Honestly
26:13Norwegians, come on
26:14Get a grip
26:16Do you want to try that?
26:17That feels wrong
26:19No I don't want to try it at all
26:20Really wrong
26:22Barbaric
26:24It's a bit weird
26:26So I know a lot of you think that we fake things for television and ham it up
26:29But I promise you that
26:30That simple idea, the sauce spoon works and it works brilliantly
26:38That will become an essential component of the British breakfast
26:43Along with cereal and this
26:46Cheers
26:47It's what the Victorians did and everybody admires them
26:56And look at this, we started this scene just a few minutes ago
27:00Simi's cornflakes, where he put the milk on straight away
27:03They are now
27:05Mush
27:06That is mush isn't it
27:07Whereas mine
27:09My rice, my crispy rice things
27:11Are still perfectly dry and crunchy
27:13And could even go back in the box if I decided I'd had enough
27:16Absolutely zero waste
27:23Soggy cereal solved
27:25I head back to the shed to wait for Tony
27:28Who's hopefully been as successful in finishing off the new inner ring for Peter's telescope
27:33James!
27:35And here he is
27:37I have the ring
27:39Three holes
27:41In perfect position
27:43Tapped and countersunk
27:45That's a fabulous bit of finishing off work there Tony
27:48Now we know it fits on the tube because
27:50Well because frankly I turned the inside diameter
27:53That's very satisfying
27:58When we give this telescope to Peter and he rotates the sleeve
28:01And focuses it he'll say oh great thanks
28:04He'll have no idea
28:06Ah yeah
28:08How much head scratching and hard work went into this
28:11Because it will never be seen
28:13Because it's inside
28:15But we will know and so will God
28:20This is so satisfying my first bit of lathing work
28:23But will Tony's first bit of lathe work pass muster?
28:26This is the other way round isn't it?
28:29We've got to get this the right way round
28:32Time to find out as we reassemble the telescope
28:36This is quite exciting isn't it?
28:38Very exciting
28:40Ah
28:42Punch
28:44That's pretty good isn't it?
28:46It's very good
28:47I think you've done an excellent job there Tony
28:50Well done you
28:52Have the rest of the day off
28:54Proper team effort
28:57Tony can't actually have the day off
29:00As now the telescope's optical tube is fully rotating and expanding
29:04It's time to set sail to the pub and hand it back to the captain of the ship
29:09Hello Peter
29:11Hello hello hello
29:12Please have a seat
29:13Thank you very much
29:14Wow
29:15Here is your telescope
29:17It's in one piece
29:18It's in one piece
29:20Only just
29:21It doesn't look very different
29:23We did consider polishing it
29:26But then we decided we liked the patina of use
29:29And also Tony couldn't be a
29:31So we have however mended it
29:34Would you like to know what we've done?
29:35I would love to know
29:37Are you sitting comfortably?
29:38I certainly am
29:39When we took it apart in front of you
29:41When you first brought it to the pub
29:42We revealed this broken inner ring
29:45I made the ring
29:47On the lathe
29:49You then calculated the position of the
29:51Nothing is symmetrical on this thing
29:53No it's all completely on the cock
29:55So every ring the screw holes are in different positions
29:58Of course
29:59Are you ready?
30:00Would you like to do it yourself?
30:01I would love to
30:02Just wind the
30:05Collar and
30:06And this comes out
30:07Yes
30:08Wow
30:09Yes it does
30:10Smooth as well
30:11Very smooth
30:12Thank you very much
30:13What can I say?
30:14Let's try it
30:15Okay
30:17Right, if you position it there
30:22Yep, yep, mine's in
30:24Sir
30:25Okay
30:26Is it in focus?
30:27Getting there
30:28There we go
30:29That's in focus
30:30Might have had a look
30:31Yeah
30:33I was on the
30:35Tower at the top
30:37Good God
30:39It's a telescope
30:41Look at that, it works
30:45It's good, isn't it?
30:47I hope you enjoyed working on it
30:48We did enjoy working it out
30:50Right, sir
30:51It's yours
30:53To take away
30:54Thank you very much indeed
30:58Both of us
30:59It's a pleasure
31:00Okay
31:01I hope your wife enjoys it
31:02I'm sure she will
31:03Thank you
31:04Well
31:05Pint?
31:06Yeah, let's have a pint
31:08We'll be happy with that
31:11Tony and I might be able to relax with a pint
31:14But over at the workshop
31:15Simi is still busy grappling with the prototype for the adjustable cinema seats
31:20Action
31:21Replacing our wobbly jack contraption with a new design that features a box inside a box
31:28He starts by building both the internal and external boxes from plywood
31:34Next, he installs a more compact RAM that can be controlled remotely
31:39Then he cuts out a little space for the wires before screwing on the lid that the seat will attach to and allow the jack to push up that internal box
31:53Now all that remains is to find out if we've managed to put an end to cinema going misery for the ages
31:59We've returned to Salisbury where we're back at the cinema installing our height adjustable seats to see if we can improve the visual experience for our audience also known as the crew
32:18They are still on jacks but they now run in boxes for stability
32:25They are powered up and down by electrical motors and I have here a suite of remote controls for adjusting them
32:32Now in the final version this is a prototype of course
32:35This job will be done by computers and a laser
32:38But for the moment it's done with a folding ruler
32:42I would like to invite tonight's audience to come into the cinema and take their places please
32:48Wherever you'd like to sit, it doesn't matter
32:50All the seats are currently set at their midway point
32:54They can go up and down
32:57Who can currently see the screen?
33:02I can't
33:03Obviously, yes, you can
33:05Simi?
33:06Tony?
33:07No
33:08Right, okay, so
33:09I'm going to suggest that Ethan
33:11Because you're very tall
33:13You sir
33:14Have to go down
33:15And here you go
33:24How's about that then?
33:27You are now at the lowest setting sir
33:30And just to show you that this can all be consistent and really quite scientific
33:36If I consider Tony's face
33:39There's a horrible prospect I know
33:41But his eyes are not quite high enough by
33:44What we call that?
33:45Two inches
33:47He needs to go up two inches in order to see over Ethan
33:50So I will now do that
33:53So you Tony are going up sir
33:57Oh yeah
33:58Tell me when you can see
33:59Yeah
34:00Okay
34:01Shula, I'm assuming you can't see over Tony
34:08This makes a fantastic noise, doesn't it?
34:10It adds to the tension and excitement of going to the cinema
34:16You can see?
34:17So now Simi
34:18But I'm going to give you an extra inch
34:24Will, can you see?
34:25No, but once I actually can't see at the cinema
34:27Because he's been raised up
34:28Yes, he's been raised up so that he can see
34:30But it's okay because I can raise you up too
34:32Can everybody see?
34:42Yeah
34:43The seats are all at different heights
34:45But each row of people is at the same height
34:48And they are higher than the row in front
34:51By the typical distance between the top of a person's head
34:55And his or her eyes
34:57It's fantastic
34:58We have solved it
34:59Well done everybody involved
35:00We can now, finally
35:02Sit down
35:04Relax
35:05And enjoy
35:07One of the greatest films ever made
35:10Roll it projectionist
35:12After all that hard work, we head home for some rest and relaxation
35:37But we're not ones to waste money on expensive spas and beauty products
35:43Oh no
35:45We have everything we need right here in the shed
35:51As men, there are places where we shouldn't go
35:55One of those is a woman's handbag
35:56If you've been bitten by a poisonous snake
35:58And the antidote is in a woman's handbag
36:00You still can't go in there and get it
36:02You have to ask them to get it
36:04That's just the rules
36:05The other one is a beauty spa
36:07We do know that women go there for something called a facial
36:11And we're suffering for not having facials
36:13Because as you can see we're haggard
36:14We haven't cared for our complexion
36:16So after consulting some women
36:18I've learned that a facial consists of four essential stages
36:21It is cleanse, tone, exfoliate, moisturize
36:27And there are special potions and things
36:30Very expensive for doing this
36:31But it had occurred to us that there are things in the workshop
36:34That could achieve the same thing for us
36:36Things that we use every day
36:38But that we never use for a facial
36:40So I think we are ready to perform the man's workshop facial
36:46Are you up for that?
36:47Yeah, absolutely
36:48Good
36:49First, we need to protect our hair
36:51Well, you don't need it, tone
36:53Soz, Tony
36:55Apparently we've got to wear these goggles
36:57This is a safety requirement from our insurers
37:00Because they believe we're somehow going to shove alcohol and hand cleaners straight in our eyeballs
37:05I wouldn't put it past us
37:07Right
37:09There we are, ready
37:10First is cleanse
37:11This will remove grease, oil, deeply embedded dirt from your hands when you've been working on your car or your motorcycle
37:20Have a bit of cleanser
37:22Oh, it's refreshing
37:25Oh, I feel better already
37:30Oh, it feels really nice
37:32It tastes awful
37:33Why are you eating it?
37:34Why do you put everything in your mouth?
37:36I was just liberally applying it and accidentally got my luscious lips
37:45I don't want to admit to that
37:46Oh, what is that?
37:48Good God, you're covered in filth, man
37:50Thank you
37:53Why are you so clean, James?
37:55Because he doesn't do any work
37:57There's a bit of gunk come off there, off my cheeks
38:00Yeah, it's always the cheeks
38:01Yeah
38:02Now we are cleansed, we must be toned
38:06Our toner is 99.9% pure isopropyl alcohol
38:11Oh, oh
38:12Which we use in the workshop a lot for cleaning electrical items, toy trains that we mend, record players and so on
38:19Don't put this in your mouth now, Tony, otherwise you'll be completely clattered
38:23This is called toning
38:25I don't know what it actually does
38:28Stinks
38:29Oh
38:30I'm getting high
38:32Whoa
38:33I don't breathe
38:34Eee
38:35So what is normal toner?
38:37I don't know
38:38Oh
38:39Ego, do you want to know what a toner is?
38:41Yeah
38:42An astringent liquid applied to the skin to reduce oiliness and improve its condition
38:47Well that's exactly what this is
38:48Yeah
38:49Alcohol removes oiliness, that's why we use it in soldering
38:52Let's get, my face feels really tight
38:55Yeah
38:56Mine does too
38:57Right, so we've cleansed, we've toned, now we're going to exfoliate, so we're going to remove the layer of dead skin
39:07Our exfoliant is basically a white glue which has rubber in it
39:17Spread it about and let it dry and then you have the unrivalled pleasure of peeling it off
39:24Oh this stinks
39:26Oh it stinks
39:27Oh it stinks of fish
39:29It's absolutely minging
39:32It is
39:33At this point I think in a proper spa you would lie down and they'd probably give you some ginger tea or something really left wing like that
39:47We can sit back and we can relax and you know, talk about stuff
39:53What about a little wax?
39:55Which, I hesitate to ask this Tony, but which bit of you did you think needed waxing?
40:01What about a leg?
40:03You want, you want a leg waxed?
40:05A nice little smooth leg
40:06Are you sure about this Tony?
40:08Yeah
40:11While we don't have the fancy hot wax machines used in spas and salons
40:15We do have the next best thing
40:17It's a gaffer tape
40:21Feet up
40:22Get your leg up
40:25When you use wax strips there's a direction isn't there?
40:28Should you tear up or down?
40:29I'm tearing down
40:30Oh I was going to go up
40:32Well that won't experiment
40:33Oh great
40:35Right are we ready everybody?
40:36Tony is there anything you need to say to your family or?
40:41Tell my children I love them
40:43Okay, who will?
40:45Three, two, one
40:49That wasn't that bad
40:50That was rubbish
40:51But it did work
40:52A bit
40:53Look
40:54I've got two tiny little hairs
40:56Ladies, stop wasting your money
40:59About £3.50
41:02We can help you
41:03No actually that sounds really weird
41:05Right moving swiftly on
41:09It's time to see how much of our faces the glue has removed
41:14Shall we take our goggles off?
41:15No there's no
41:16Oh
41:17Oh no they're slightly
41:18They've suddenly come back into colour
41:20I've glued my goggles to my face
41:25Oh it makes a great noise
41:26Listen to that
41:27Ow
41:30That actually hurts
41:35It's like putting massive snot out you know
41:38It's like pulling your face off
41:42Look at this, look at this, it's huge
41:45It's what it would feel like to be a brand new refrigerator
41:48This is removing a microscopically thin layer of
41:59Epidermis
42:00Of a dead you
42:02Your appearance has changed Simi
42:04You look about 15
42:06Is anybody else sort of tingling in quite a satisfying way
42:10This is the final stage of the facial
42:12The moisturising phase
42:14For which we're using the beeswax
42:16Which normally we put on wood
42:18So I'm going to start with my forehead
42:21This is what it's like being a piece of 19th century furniture
42:26It does smell nice
42:27Mmm
42:28It smells lovely
42:31So I think now if we take the headbands off
42:34Go back to normal
42:35We can get a verdict from the crew
42:36Who have watched the entire process
42:37And are very familiar with our faces
42:39Because obviously they film us all the time
42:42Unfortunately for them
42:43And here we are post facial
42:46You actually look much better
42:51Yeah you do, you look really glow-y
42:53Well if you see us tomorrow
42:55We've got coiled costumes
42:57If you don't turn up and wait tomorrow
42:59We'll know it's gone wrong
43:00But you actually look very good
43:01So I now have to point out to the viewers
43:04I'm sure you're going to notice it
43:05There are going to be some continuity issues
43:07Because to be honest
43:08We don't necessarily film this series in sequence
43:11We don't know until the edit exactly how we're going to order the stories
43:14So you might see us and think
43:15God those blokes are looking old
43:17And then in the next scene you'll think
43:19Wow, look at those 15 year old boys
43:21And it's because of this
43:23Okay, so sorry about that
43:25Don't do any of this at home
43:27Don't use any of these things
43:28They're not designed as part of a facial cleansing program
43:32Nevertheless, it works
43:35And we'll see you next time
43:38If you can recognise us
43:39Now that we look 10 years younger
44:05We'll see you next time
44:06We'll see you next time
44:07Bye
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