Minder. S02 E03. You Lose Some, You Win Some.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 25th September 1980.  Maurice Michaelson, a professional gambler of Arthur's acquaintance, has assembled a group of people who are capable of winning big time at the roulette tables at the local casino.  Dennis Waterman - Terry George Cole - Arthur Anthony Valentine - Maurice Gennie Nevinson - Penny Beth Morris - Jackie Peggy Thorpe-Bates - Mrs. Beecham Ronald Leigh-Hunt - Major Lampson Clifford Parrish - Alnutt Angela Easterling - Miss Carr Kenneth Midwood - Jackson Lesley Joseph - Maureen Leslie Schofield - Parsons Lynda Baron - Sadie Michael Watkins - Tony Sidney Livingstone - George Toni Palmer - Woman at Health Farm Pamela Manson - Woman at Health Farm Lewis Alexander - Casino Patron Andrew Andreas - Croupier Rodney Cardiff - Casino Patron Arnold Lee - Casino Patron Jay McGrath - Casino Patron Gerald Paris - Casino Patron Robin Wentworth - Casino Patron

Transcript

00:00Special delivery, sir, from Manchester.

00:29Anything to pay?

00:31Only attention.

00:34Oh, smashing. How long have you got?

00:36A whole week. I've reported sick.

00:38Oh, better get you to bed, then.

00:40Faites brujo, madame, messieurs. Faites brujo.

00:47Monsieur, rien n'a va plus.

00:53Sondeur, bruche, peripasse. Rien n'a numeral.

00:58Merci, madame.

01:00Ça s'appuie.

01:01Thank you, Maurice.

01:02Hello, Arthur.

01:03I thought you promised more of you.

01:04I thought you promised more of you.

01:05I have.

01:06Can't keep away, eh?

01:07I know the feeling.

01:08Heard indoors made me promise to give up the Gigi's once.

01:10I spent all my time in the betting shops.

01:11Without having a flatter.

01:12Oh, leave off, Maurice.

01:13What was it Karl Marx said?

01:14If you could resist anything except temptation.

01:16Faites brujo, madame, messieurs.

01:17Faites brujo, madame, messieurs. Faites brujo.

01:1925.

01:21Pardon?

01:22Twenty bloody five.

01:23once. I spent all my time in a betting shops.

01:25Without having a flutter? Oh, leave off, Morris.

01:27What was it Karl Marx said?

01:28If you could resist anything except temptation.

01:3425.

01:35Pardon?

01:3620 bloody 5.

01:39You're supposed to be a maths teacher, aren't you?

01:41What?

01:46Good girl.

01:47A friend of yours, Morris?

01:54One of my students.

01:56You're not gambling by proxy, are you?

01:57I am not a gambler, Arthur.

02:00You know that.

02:01I'm like any businessman who has done his homework.

02:03I never make a move unless the odds are in my favour.

02:07So why are you skin?

02:09With a wife like mine and two kids at Millfield,

02:11anybody would be skin.

02:12The word is that you've done a packet at Crockford's.

02:14That's why Maureen blew the whistle on you.

02:15I told that. You've got to speculate.

02:17To accumulate.

02:18Right.

02:19It was development money.

02:20This will yet any help aid.

02:24Merci, Monsieur.

02:30Got to take a break, Mr. Mickelson.

02:32All right, Mr. Horner.

02:33I'll keep your seat warm for you.

02:41Monsieur Fetfusher.

02:42Another of your students, Morris?

02:44Yeah.

02:45What is this?

02:46An adult education course.

02:48Teamwork, Arthur.

02:49It's the only way to beat the house.

02:53Monsieur Fetfusher.

02:53Nothing will happen.

02:56Oh, here.

02:58What's your game, mate?

02:59Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

03:00I didn't see you.

03:01Look where you're going, mate.

03:03You boost up or something?

03:04Well, of course not.

03:05It's just that I'm a little short-sighted, that's all.

03:07Come off it.

03:08You're completely legless.

03:10Look at you.

03:10What's all this about?

03:15I asked this joker.

03:17He suddenly took a swing at me.

03:19I had a couple too many, if you ask me.

03:21But I assure you, I haven't had a drink all evening.

03:24Huh?

03:24Well, why you smell like a bloody distillery, huh?

03:28Come on, Sancho.

03:36Something wrong, George?

03:37He tried to smash up the washroom, Mr. Parsons.

03:40Do you want to press charges?

03:41No.

03:43Just show him the way out.

03:45Oh.

03:52Bastards.

03:53Sell up.

03:55Not many.

04:00Sarrant.

04:01Oh, you should pay for us.

04:03Then.

04:11Hey, all members of your night class, Morris.

04:26Yeah.

04:27They don't look like punters.

04:31That's the point.

04:35Terry, what are you going to do?

04:37Well, I've got a few ideas.

04:42Hello, with your life.

04:44Oh, come on, love.

04:45I thought this was a social occasion.

04:47Well, what's going to happen when these muscles aren't muscle enough anymore?

04:51Dunno.

04:53Suppose I'll have to go back to flying Conchords.

04:57You never make any plans.

04:59You just drift around letting that arse I con you out of your hard-earned wages.

05:05You should be saving for a rainy day.

05:07Can't leave it out.

05:08It's raining hard enough already.

05:11I'm investing a whole week of my life in you, you lunatic.

05:15Mm.

05:16I want to know if it's worth investing any more.

05:20You better check out the interest rate, haven't you?

05:22Oh, Terry.

05:23Shut up.

05:24Three.

05:25Four thousand.

05:26Eight hundred.

05:27There we are, sir.

05:32Luck had nothing to do with it, eh?

05:34Nothing.

05:35And there's a lot more where this came from, if we're allowed to finish what we started.

05:39Well, it can't chuck you all out.

05:41They don't have to.

05:42If they knobble just one of us, the whole coupon is null and void.

05:45Hey, hey, hey.

05:46Your, um...

05:47Your pupils, they're using their own money.

05:52So you can't lose.

05:54What's your share of profits?

05:58Fifty percent.

05:58Fifty percent of nigh on five grand on one night.

06:02That's a result worth protecting, Maurice.

06:07Oh, Maurice.

06:09Would you like to buy me a drink?

06:12Yeah.

06:13Oi.

06:15I'll tell you what.

06:18I'll buy you both.

06:21Could be big money, Terry.

06:23I've clocked the potential.

06:25Two of them won nearly five grand between them.

06:28Yeah, but how much did the others lose?

06:30Peanuts.

06:31That is the principle of Maurice's system.

06:33See, working as a team, the punter is always ahead of the game.

06:36And what is more, Maurice doesn't even use his own money.

06:39All right.

06:40Said they were lucky.

06:42Tomorrow, they'd be unlucky.

06:44Look, if Maurice has a system and he says it works, that is good enough for me.

06:48He is a pro.

06:50Yeah, I know.

06:50I've seen him in action, remember?

06:52He's seen you in action, too, which is why he wants to hire you.

06:56Hire me?

06:57Yeah, to look after his six punters.

06:59You see, if one of them can't take the field, the game's off.

07:04Oh, yeah.

07:05No, I'm sorry, mate.

07:07My flag's down this week.

07:08I'm on holiday.

07:10Holiday?

07:12Freelance like you, you can't have holidays.

07:13You have to take the work as it comes.

07:15No, he bloody doesn't.

07:17You ought to have more respect for Terry, Arthur.

07:20You need him more than he needs you.

07:22I do not need him.

07:25You didn't mind us a two-a-penny.

07:27Not mind us with brains.

07:28All right, I grant you, Terry is a slight cut above the average.

07:31But he isn't Henry Cooper, is he?

07:33He isn't exactly slowed under with offers of deodorant commercials.

07:35Look, Arthur, come on.

07:37Oi, oi, oi.

07:38Excuse me.

07:39Do you mind not talking about me as if I wasn't here?

07:41No, I'm sorry, Arthur.

07:45I'm not available.

07:48Oh, suit yourself, son.

07:50No, I'm just trying to slip you a quick 600.

07:54How much?

07:55Well, no point in talking about it if you're not interested.

07:58Six.

07:58Did you say 600 for just one week's work?

08:01Look, my agreement with Morris is 10% of his 50%.

08:04He reckons I can clear five grand a night, so work it out for yourself.

08:07No, maybe not.

08:08Look, six times 250 is 1,500.

08:10Split 60-40.

08:11No need to ask which way.

08:13Women.

08:14Always did get in the way of a relationship.

08:17You think about it, Terry.

08:18Give me a bell, eh?

08:19But don't leave it too long, because there's plenty of fellas who break a leg to earn that

08:22kind of money.

08:23It's four o'clock.

08:40Where the hell have you been?

08:43There was a shocking accident at the Beaumont.

08:45Morris, you promised.

08:48No more poker, chamois, blackjack, calookey, roulette, in a word, no more gambling.

08:54I did not gamble.

08:55On my mother's life, I did not have a single punt.

08:58Oh, you went to the Beaumont not to gamble.

09:01I was giving lessons.

09:02Lessons?

09:03Teaching some beginners how to bet.

09:04For that, they need a teacher.

09:06Sure, you've got to have a system, otherwise you're dead.

09:07These punters, how did they hear of you?

09:12I advertised.

09:13I didn't tell you more in, because I thought you might not go for it.

09:17You don't go for it.

09:20How much are you charging?

09:21That depends.

09:22On what?

09:23How must they win?

09:24Suppose they lose.

09:25I guarantee results.

09:27Like you've guaranteed results at Crockford's?

09:30That was a dry run.

09:32This is for real.

09:34So you are still gambling.

09:36With other people's money.

09:39Maureen, Maureen, Maureen, I have to make a living, haven't I?

09:43Are you sure you haven't been out with some bird?

09:47No.

09:49This is kosher.

09:50My word of honour.

09:52It's going to get me out from under.

09:54Well, just as long as there's no one else I have to get out from under.

10:03It's an offer you can't refuse, isn't it?

10:06600 quid.

10:07You must admit, it is a bit tempting.

10:10More tempting than me.

10:13Look, we'd still have all the days together.

10:15Just as long as you don't fall asleep.

10:18Now, when have I ever fallen asleep, eh?

10:21Eh?

10:21I just thought of something.

10:25Mm?

10:26Look, there are three birds on Morris's team, right?

10:29Well, there are some places I can't follow them.

10:31You're not trying to turn me into a minder.

10:34It means we've been together, wouldn't it?

10:36And you might earn yourself a few reddies.

10:37100 quid or something.

10:38100 quid for a week with you?

10:41Makes me sound like a whore.

10:43Oh, get it out.

10:45If you were on the game, you could charge a lot more than that.

10:47Could I?

10:52I've got to be honest with you, Terry.

10:54It could get dodgy.

10:55I mean, they can't actually throw us out or we could complain to the gaming board.

10:59But they've started getting a bit naughty.

11:02Yeah, but I don't get it.

11:03Look, roulette is a game of chance, right?

11:05And the house always has the edge.

11:07So what have they got to be scared of?

11:08Well, they're scared of me.

11:09They know I never go into anything unless I have the edge.

11:12Here you are.

11:12Oh, cheers.

11:14You mean it's a sure thing?

11:15Bloody hell.

11:19Look, a team of six can cut down the chances of big losses to an absolute minimum.

11:27Every night, one or two of them will hit a winning run that can turn a small punt into a very big payout.

11:32Safety of numbers.

11:33I've spent a lot of time and effort on this system, Arthur.

11:36Now I want a result.

11:37How long do you want?

11:39A week.

11:40I'm not greedy.

11:41I just want a fair return on my investment.

11:43And that manager, Parsons, he don't like losing.

11:47And already he's seen enough to know he's on a hide into nothing.

11:50Try another club.

11:51No, it's too late.

11:51The world will have gone round by now.

11:52They refuse this membership.

11:53Besides.

11:56Besides what?

11:57Besides that bastard Parsons.

11:59I owe him one.

12:01First he bars me from his poker tables.

12:03Now he's putting the frightens on me punters.

12:05And they're getting a bit nervous, you mean?

12:07Well, they'd feel better if they had some protection.

12:09Right.

12:11You'll need some evening schmutter, Terrence.

12:14I might be able to help you there.

12:15Well, I've got that blue suit of mine.

12:17That's all right, isn't it?

12:17You can't wear that whole thing.

12:18No, you want a proper DJ.

12:20Bow tie, you know.

12:21Look, I've got a consignment of DJs here.

12:23Just in from Czechoslovakia.

12:24Get your jacket off.

12:25I'll rent you this one cheap.

12:27You'll rent it to me?

12:29Well, with an option to buy.

12:30Of course.

12:31Here you are.

12:31Try it on for size.

12:32Hold on.

12:33Get in the mirror, would you, Morris?

12:34Yeah.

12:34What about Penny?

12:38No doubt you've got a concession of evening gowns from Romania.

12:42Funny you should say that.

12:43I know where I can lay my hands on a lovely little creation.

12:46One of next year's Paris collections.

12:48Next year?

12:49Yeah.

12:49A fella knows a fella.

12:51Been working there for months making copies.

12:53Look at that.

12:54Look at that, Terry.

12:54That could have been made for you.

12:56Ace.

12:58Seems a bit tight.

12:59Yeah?

12:59No, that's the way you're standing.

13:00Stand up straight.

13:01That's it.

13:02That's it.

13:02Lovely.

13:03There you are.

13:03Nice shirt to go with that.

13:05What do you want?

13:05Flat or frilly?

13:07Flat.

13:07Flat, yeah.

13:08Pair of pumps.

13:09What kind of pair?

13:10Nice tie.

13:11Bow tie.

13:11Bow tie, yeah.

13:12That's a bow tie.

13:13Yeah.

13:14I love it.

13:14Right.

13:15Hang on.

13:16I'll go and get one.

13:17Yeah, all right.

13:17Very tasty, Tom.

13:19What is it?

13:20I'll see you myself.

13:21Yeah, all right.

13:32Mr. Rien, I've approved.

13:37We're nine, no one, and Pair of Passe.

13:40We're in a number.

14:10Who are all these people?

14:14Merci, madame.

14:15Um, housewife, accountant, building contractor, catering manageress, retired major.

14:23Maths teacher.

14:25They're all gamblers, eh?

14:26No, no.

14:26None of them have ever played before.

14:28I didn't launch dealers.

14:30They're liable to go off the rails and do their own thing.

14:33You expect them all to win?

14:35No, of course not.

14:36But with my system, the ones who win, win far more than the others lose.

14:40You'll see.

14:41Monsieur, faites, bonjour.

14:42All right, love.

14:44Thank you, madame, monsieur.

14:46How are you doing?

14:46I don't understand it.

14:48This guy's on me, we've either had a win or leave them.

14:51I should stick to the major if I win.

14:54He's cleaning up.

14:55That don't make no difference.

14:57Whoever I stick with, they all seem to hit a losing streak.

14:59Yes, Arthur.

15:00That's what I keep telling Terry.

15:01Oh, no, no, no, relax, relax, calm down.

15:15Let's see what's happened, right?

15:17You okay, love?

15:19I'm all right.

15:21I'm back in a moment.

15:24Go and look after her, please.

15:26I don't know why, madame.

15:28Sorry, love.

15:29She's coming back.

15:30It's only been a minute.

15:31Well, you took that very calmly.

15:37Well, the way things are going, I could afford a new one.

15:39Yes.

15:40I've been watching the major.

15:42He's over 3,000 a hand.

15:44Well, it's just as Maurice predicted.

15:46I think he's a genius, don't you?

15:49Can't seem to.

15:51Oh, it's not that obvious, is it?

15:57I'm very monk.

15:59Call themselves gentlemen?

16:00I've been standing for hours.

16:02Not one of them have let me have a seat.

16:05Well, I mean, I'm not really into women's lip.

16:08A couple of Parsons birds, probably.

16:09But you'd think some of these blokes would learn some manners.

16:12How's the injury, Mr. Orner?

16:14Oh, a bit painful, Mr. Mackelson.

16:18Must be all the damp weather we've been having.

16:20Thank you, Madame, Monsieur.

16:24Thank you, Madame.

16:28Mr. Mackelson, would you mind taking over for me just for a moment?

16:44Yes, all right. Quick as you can. Excuse me, Santa.

16:52Not your territory, this, eh, Major?

16:54I beg your pardon?

16:55Take my advice. Quit while you're ahead.

16:58Why you stay healthy?

17:01Were you threatening me?

17:02Just trying to save you some grief.

17:04Look what happened to America when she tried to fight on someone else's ground.

17:08I shall report you to the manager. What's your name?

17:10Waste of time. Pulling a rank won't do you no good in here.

17:12Then I'll complain to the gaming board.

17:15Oh, I shouldn't do that, Major.

17:17Got your address from the membership book.

17:20You're making some inquiries.

17:21Your old lady. Drives a Ford Cortina, right?

17:25Her registration number...

17:27SHV876R.

17:30Fell in the garage, told me the brakes were a bit dodgy.

17:33Wouldn't surprise him if she had a nasty accident one of these days.

17:36And if she does, we know what it's down to, won't we?

17:39Who are you?

17:40I am the Major's Batman.

17:42I do all his dirty jobs.

17:45Yeah, well, uh...

17:46I was just saying, uh...

17:47You should take the money and run.

17:50Thank you, Major.

17:51If you don't mind.

17:54I need a little chat.

17:55You are well out of order, Sunbeam.

18:04Now, you tell your boss, if any of my girls and boys are hurt, I will come looking for him.

18:09No, you won't.

18:11You're on your tod, aren't you?

18:12So you're just gonna have to swallow it.

18:15You reckon?

18:16Yeah.

18:18There's six of them, right?

18:20Not counting Michelson.

18:21You can't mind them all.

18:25Just you watch me.

18:26We've got a problem.

18:39Why?

18:40I think they're gonna try something.

18:43Probably away from here.

18:44What?

18:45How do you mean?

18:46Well, they've got all the names and the addresses from the membership book, haven't they?

18:49How'd you suss that out?

18:51I just caught with Geezer trying to put the screws on the Major.

18:54Now, luckily, they picked the wrong bloke, right?

18:56And it's not gonna take much to scare some of the others off, is it?

18:59And I can't split myself six ways, can I?

19:02No.

19:04You're gonna have to keep them all together, all the time.

19:07Yeah, I think you're right.

19:08Where?

19:09Hotel or something?

19:10No, no, no, no, no, no.

19:10That's money.

19:12Hey, how about your drum?

19:14My drum?

19:15Yeah.

19:16I'll leave it out.

19:17I've only got one bed, remember?

19:18And I like to choose who I share it with.

19:20You got the floor, haven't you?

19:23And I can lay my hands on some very high-class sleeping bags.

19:26Mate of mine bought a job lot from the last Everest expedition.

19:28I'm sorry, mate.

19:29Penny would never wear it.

19:30I'll tell you what I'll do.

19:33I will split the tape with you 50-50.

19:36Now, I cannot say fairer than that, can I?

19:40Well, no.

19:43She took a week off just to spend it with me.

19:46Oh, she will be spending it with you.

19:48Well, so will half the population of Bleeding London.

19:52Look, look.

19:53Look on it as a sort of test.

19:55If she stays the course, then she really cares.

19:58Well, if she don't, give it that.

20:05Another three nights, you reckon, Morris, eh?

20:09That's all we need, and we'll murder them.

20:11Don't you worry.

20:12They'll be quite safe.

20:16Terry?

20:16Oh, dear, oh, dear.

20:28Ah, no sweat, Morris.

20:29By the end of the week, they'll be buying you a complete new motor.

20:31Hold on, hold on.

20:34No.

20:35Hang loose a bit.

20:36Keep calm.

20:41Yeah.

20:41Um, look after them, will you?

20:44You and Arthur.

20:44Tell I'll, uh, I'll get a cab.

20:48Well, keep calm, then.

20:48Right, special your car's up, and we'll go back in coffee.

20:52Oh, Morris, your lovely car.

20:54Oh, my mini's just outside.

20:57Can I drop, please?

21:09Milk, but no sugar.

21:14Coffee, please.

21:15Strong and black.

21:17Have you any cocoa?

21:19Or hot chocolate?

21:21I'll see.

21:21Two teas, two coffees, and a cocoa.

21:30Cocoa?

21:31Or hot chocolate.

21:33Make it three teas, then.

21:37Could you do it, please?

21:39I'll just...

21:44Here you are.

21:45Six sleeping bags.

21:46Still in their original cellophane.

21:48I thought you said these were used in an Everest expedition.

21:50Yeah.

21:51Yeah, well, I mean, they had to go to the cleaners when they come back from the MLS.

21:54I see.

21:55And this is the original dry-cleaners cellophane, is it?

21:58That's it, my son.

22:03Everything all right?

22:03Everyone quite comfortable?

22:05Comfortable?

22:07I was more comfortable out in Kenya fighting the maw-maw.

22:10Ah, be fair, Major.

22:11You had all your amenities out there.

22:13Naffy stuff, with cup-price booze.

22:14All the local talent you could manage.

22:16You can't expect Mr McCann to compete with that, can you?

22:19Terry?

22:19How long are these people staying?

22:25Well, it's a bit hard.

22:26Come on, out with it.

22:27How long do we have to put up for this invasion?

22:31Well, Arthur thinks, um, maybe a week.

22:34The whole week?

22:37You invest...

22:38That I'll make it up to you.

22:39No, I don't fancy playing love scenes in the middle of Piccadilly Circus.

22:44Oh, come on, every other week's.

22:46I wouldn't bet on it.

22:49Oh, if that's anybody else wanting to make a reservation, tell them you've got plenty of room.

22:53There's a couple of inches you haven't let behind the record player yet.

22:56I think it is.

22:57Isn't that tea ready yet?

22:59Hello?

23:01Tell.

23:01Oh, hello.

23:02Maureen's been snatched.

23:04Are you sure?

23:05Of course I'm sure.

23:08All her clothes are still here.

23:10And her jewellery.

23:11I mean, can you imagine Maureen taking off in the middle of the night without her sparklers?

23:14And you reckon it's Parsons?

23:15It's gotta be.

23:17I'd get her back as long as I promise never to darken his doors again.

23:20That's a job for the old Bill, innit?

23:22No, no, look, well, old Uptel.

23:24I mean, er, I'd rather keep it in the family.

23:28See what you can do, eh?

23:29Me?

23:30Well, if the old Bill gets a bit busy, there'll be no more pay nights at the tables.

23:34The publicity could finish us.

23:35Oh, yeah.

23:37And what's a wife compared with a wheel and a little white bull, eh?

23:40Taddle.

23:44I mean, I thought we could...

23:45Arthur!

23:47Come here.

23:50You hang about here for a while?

23:52Why, what's the problem?

23:53It's Morris' old woman.

23:55He thinks they're holding her to put the black on him.

23:58Well, what can you do?

23:59Well, I don't know. Slap a few wrists, I suppose.

24:01Hey, look, I did a deal with Morris for you to mine this lock for him.

24:04If you're gonna go tearing around looking for Maureen, I'm gonna have to renegotiate.

24:08That's right, Arthur. Yeah.

24:09And if I have to fish her out of the river, that's gotta be worth another ten percent, innit?

24:13Terry!

24:14Where are you going?

24:15Oh, there's someone at the door.

24:20Hello, love, come in.

24:21Come in.

24:22Just in time for a nightcap.

24:23I don't mind you.

24:24Sorry, mate, we're closed.

24:33Is Parsons here?

24:46He's counting the take.

24:48He won't see no one.

24:49Where do you think you're going?

24:53To talk to Parsons.

24:54What about?

24:55That's between him and me.

24:57Wrong.

24:58It's between you and me.

25:01You say so?

25:03Hold it.

25:03Oh, you've got a nerve coming back here.

25:10We could really smack you around a bit.

25:12You know what I mean?

25:14Then hand the pieces to the old bill.

25:16No, you wouldn't do that.

25:17Why not?

25:18You wouldn't fancy the scandal.

25:20What scandal?

25:22Terry McCann.

25:24Hired muscle.

25:25Late of HM prisons.

25:26Comes barging into the club and tries to nick the take.

25:29In the ensuing struggle, members of the staff try to restrain him.

25:34And he breaks his arm.

25:36Nothing scandalous about that, is there?

25:39Oh, but it wouldn't only be my arm that got broken, would it?

25:41I mean, there'd be a lot of other damage.

25:43Oh, that's all right.

25:45We're fully insured.

25:47Even for kidnapping.

25:50What?

25:50You've snatched Mickelson's wife.

25:52That's why you can't call the old bill.

25:56Come and sit down, Mr. McCann.

26:08One minute, you're going to break my arm.

26:10The next minute, it's come and sit down.

26:12Now, what is your game?

26:14How'd you like to work for me?

26:16Why?

26:18Why?

26:18Because I pay damn good wages, that's why.

26:21Huh?

26:22What is the going rate for kidnapping these days?

26:25Suit yourself.

26:28Tell Mickelson he can have his wife back

26:31if he takes his punter somewhere else.

26:35She's okay, is she?

26:36All completely unharmed.

26:39And if your governor does as he's told,

26:41she'll stay that way.

26:44That's the deal, then.

26:46That's the deal.

26:49Right.

26:50Right!

26:51Now you tell your monkeys to back off

26:52or I'll break your neck!

26:53Do as it says!

26:58Come on, where is she?

26:59I don't know, honest!

27:01Are we going to have to do this the hard way?

27:03Look, I didn't even know

27:05what she was missing to, you told me.

27:07Look, McKean,

27:08we might go a bit over the top occasionally,

27:11but kidnapping there's not our game.

27:15Take my word.

27:16Take his word?

27:17Why should we take his word?

27:19Because if it was him who snatched Maureen,

27:21he wouldn't have changed his story, would he?

27:23He'd want to keep the pressure on, right?

27:25So why wouldn't he tell us he was holding her?

27:27Maybe because you was holding him

27:28and he was a bit short of breath at the time.

27:30All he had to do was give me a false address

27:31and he was off the hook.

27:33No, I believe he's telling the truth.

27:36All right.

27:37So where is she?

27:39I'm sorry, old son,

27:40but that's your problem, isn't it?

27:41I've got to be getting back.

27:42Hang on a minute, Terry.

27:43I've got to find her and you've got to help me.

27:45Well, why not report her missing?

27:46Well, she's not missing, is she?

27:48Yet?

27:49Well, I mean, not for certain.

27:52I reckon you and me, we could, uh,

27:53we could ask around a bit first, couldn't we?

27:56Hold on, hold on.

27:56What about that flat full of punters you've given me?

27:59Well, Arthur can look after him.

28:00Oh, look, that bird of yours, do you think,

28:02what's her name?

28:03Penny.

28:03Yeah, uh, Penny.

28:05I mean, do you think she'd come around here

28:05and sit by her phone?

28:07As it happens, I think she'd do anything

28:09to get out of there at the moment.

28:10But you've got to ask her.

28:12Well, not exactly flavor of the month at the moment.

28:15Oh, crazy.

28:21Yeah?

28:24Morris?

28:25Hey, look, what's happening?

28:28Where's Terry?

28:30Well, send him home, will you?

28:32I've got to get out of you.

28:34Even her indoors is better than this.

28:38What?

28:40Yeah, all right, but it'll cost you.

28:41No, no, no, she's here on the floor beside me.

28:46Yeah, all right.

28:47So long.

28:57Wait.

28:58What's the name?

29:00Thingy.

29:01Hey.

29:02Wake up.

29:02Wake up, darling.

29:03Terry.

29:04No, no, no, it's not Terry.

29:05It's Arthur.

29:05Get off.

29:06Get off.

29:07Oh, please God, make it a nightmare.

29:11That is not very nice.

29:13No one looks her best at this hour of the morning.

29:16This is madness.

29:17I'm going.

29:18Where are you going?

29:19Up north, where there isn't such a housing problem.

29:22Up north?

29:23How do you feel about ending?

29:28Look, there are thousands of women swanning round Brent Cross every afternoon.

29:31Who's going to remember Maureen?

29:33Anybody she bought anything from.

29:34She's the last of the great hagglers.

29:36Yeah, but there's nothing special about her, is there?

29:38I mean, be fair, she don't exactly stand out in a crowd.

29:41Do you mean she hasn't got big tits like the scrubbers you knock about with?

29:44Don't go over the top, Morris.

29:47Personality, Terry, that is what makes a woman stand out,

29:49because she wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

29:50The only time you notice them is when they're horizontal.

29:53Listen.

29:55No, you're right.

29:58I don't suppose you've ever seen this one, have you?

30:02I don't know if you've ever seen this one, but I think you might see this one.

30:04Yes.

30:05Would you buy me?

30:06No.

30:07So she's not allowed to go there.

30:09Thanks for having me.

30:11Well, I don't know if you've ever seen this one, have you?

30:13She'll make us better than that.

30:14Yeah.

30:20Would it be possible for us to have a joint when we finish work?

30:45No.

30:45Oh, yeah.

30:54I remember her.

30:56She was in here yesterday round, um, tea time.

31:00Told the man dressed as scones was stale.

31:02Gave her a right rollicky.

31:03Was anyone with her?

31:04Yeah, another lady.

31:06What's she look like?

31:07Big, lousy, bit past it, if you know what I mean.

31:10Dripping with furs and jewels.

31:13Sadie.

31:14You know who it is?

31:15Yeah.

31:16She's an old bat that Moe plays bridge with.

31:18She caught her husband in bed with the au pair, took him for the national debt.

31:21Now she carries on a one-woman crusade on behalf of her downtrodden wives of Emden.

31:29Downtrodden?

31:30Look, no offence, Maurice, but Maureen's about as downtrodden as Margaret Thatcher.

31:34Well, we've got to find out, haven't we?

31:35What?

31:36If Sadie's been put in the booty?

31:37Uh, we'd like to work with Mrs. Gilbert, please.

31:50Maurice Michelson.

31:52I'll see if she's in.

31:57Cheeky cow.

31:59Listen, are you sure you want me along?

32:02You're supposed to be a minder, aren't you?

32:03This is where you start earning your wages.

32:08This way, sir.

32:16Sadie.

32:17Long time no see.

32:18How you been?

32:19You're looking wonderful.

32:20Cut the crap, Maurice.

32:21The reason we don't meet is we can't stand the sight of each other.

32:26Who's little boy blue?

32:27This is, uh, Terry McCann.

32:31He's helping me look for Maureen.

32:33Taken off again, is she?

32:34About time, too.

32:35I was wondering if you knew where she was.

32:38Me?

32:39Why should I?

32:40Well, for a start, you spent yesterday afternoon with her down at Braincross.

32:43We have been having a nosy, haven't we?

32:46Did she say anything about going away?

32:49What do you care?

32:51Sadie, be nice.

32:53I'm her husband.

32:54It's a bit late now, isn't it?

32:56If you wanted a keeper, you should have started acting like I was born years ago.

33:00Oh, what's that supposed to mean?

33:02You're a schmuck, Maurice.

33:03You always have been, and you always will be.

33:06I've told Maureen.

33:07What can I say?

33:08If there's anything I can ever do for you, don't ask me.

33:11It's what you've ever done for her.

33:13You're a lazy, good-for-nothing scrounger who can't even be bothered to get a job.

33:17I've got a job.

33:18Just because I don't work regular hours don't mean I haven't got a job.

33:22Gambling's not a job.

33:24It's just an excuse for a night out with the boys.

33:26And the girls.

33:27Oi, hold on.

33:29Now, what are you on about?

33:30Oh, it talks.

33:32I beg your pardon?

33:34This geezer has just lost his missus, right?

33:36He don't need all these verbals.

33:37Now, do you know where she is or don't you?

33:39As it so happens, I don't.

33:41And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.

33:43That I can believe.

33:44Look, if she's decided she's had enough, good luck to her.

33:47The best thing she can do is get a divorce.

33:49What, and take him to the cleaners like you did your old man?

33:52I think you'd better leave.

33:54I think you're right.

33:55Come on, son.

33:56She obviously don't fancy fellas.

33:57You could break that.

34:05Oh, thank you.

34:12Mr. Daly.

34:13Oh, thank you, my dear.

34:14Oh!

34:14Oh, thank you.

34:17You, uh, you thought what you're gonna do with all this dough you're making?

34:21I mean, two or three thou each.

34:22I mean, it's not a fortune, but, uh,

34:24could turn into a nice little nest egg if it was handled properly.

34:26You, uh, have something in mind, Mr. Daly?

34:30Me?

34:31No, no, no, no, no, no.

34:33Oh!

34:34I, I know a fella

34:36bought 200 acres down on the Algarve.

34:39He's selling it off at two grand a plot.

34:41Now, if you was to invest in a bit of that,

34:42sit on it for some time,

34:43you'd see it triple in value.

34:46Or, or, or you could do a deal with one of them, um,

34:49property developers down there,

34:50get him to build you a nice little villa

34:52in exchange for a partner of rent,

34:55or, or even for sale.

34:57Either way, you can't lose.

34:58Unless the land turned out to be worthless.

35:01Eh?

35:02I had a client who invested 10,000

35:04in just such a scheme in the south of France.

35:07Well, the area was just as the vendor described,

35:10except he forgot to mention the nuclear power station

35:13in the middle of it.

35:15That is just Ben, isn't it?

35:17Honestly, some of these villains,

35:18they've got no principles at all.

35:21I do not know how they get away with it.

35:25Woman?

35:25What's she sound like?

35:26If you'd sent that sort of message through the mail,

35:29you'd have to wrap it in a plain cover.

35:32Well, she didn't seem to be in any trouble.

35:34Trouble?

35:34Well, if she could have reached through the phone,

35:36I'd be the one in trouble.

35:39It's got to be Mo.

35:40Yeah, but why does she walk out like that?

35:43Do you have a row or something?

35:45Nothing important.

35:46She accused me of being out with a bird,

35:47but I told her it was strictly business.

35:50She believe it?

35:51Yeah.

35:53I mean, she wasn't too pleased

35:54when she heard what her business was,

35:55but...

35:57Well, I said I've got to make a living.

36:00So the last time you saw

36:01was when she left for Brent Cross, right?

36:02Yeah.

36:03Where she met Sadie,

36:04who probably told her you were no good for her.

36:07Yeah, she's heard all that crap before.

36:08That's no reason for her to suddenly go on the missing list.

36:13Dwell.

36:13She came back.

36:30She came back after I left for the club.

36:33Hold on.

36:35Look, if you're thinking of leaving someone,

36:37you don't go shopping, bring the gear back,

36:39and then leg it, do you?

36:40Why not?

36:42Pass.

36:44Hold on, hold on.

36:45What?

36:47I've just remembered where I've seen that Sadie before.

36:49Where?

36:50In the club last night.

36:52Sadie?

36:53Yeah.

36:55Well, she's no gambler.

36:56She's always telling Maureen it's a mugs game.

37:02How about this?

37:04Maureen meets Sadie at Brent Cross, right?

37:06Maureen goes on about she thinks you're up to noughties.

37:09Sadie wants to play detective.

37:11So she goes down the club,

37:12sees you leave with the Welsh bit,

37:14phones up Maureen,

37:15and tells her she's right.

37:17This Sadie?

37:18Big, brassy woman, mid-forties?

37:22One hundred.

37:24She came into the ladies when Jackie and I were talking.

37:26She must have overheard what we were talking about.

37:28Well, what were you talking about?

37:31Maureen.

37:33And how she fancied him.

37:35Oh, my God.

37:37That still doesn't explain why all her stuff is still here.

37:40I mean, where can a woman go without a change of clothes?

37:43New discolony?

37:44Hmm.

37:45No, sorry.

37:47Close.

37:49The Grange.

37:51The what?

37:51The Grange.

37:52It's a health farm near Arkley.

37:54Maureen goes there when she's depressed.

37:55Ah, there you go, then.

37:57No.

37:58There you go, my son.

37:59You're going to have to bring her back, tell.

38:00Listen, you can explain to her that there is absolutely nothing,

38:03nothing between me and that bird.

38:05Oh, me?

38:06I mean, maybe she'll listen to you.

38:06Yes, you tell.

38:07Manage that, can you, Terry?

38:09Just describe the relationship between you and me.

38:12She'll get the picture.

38:16Come on, Penny.

38:18Listen, there's no need for you to throw a moody.

38:20Well, I feel like a trick to Arkley.

38:22Never know.

38:22I might even treat you to a sauna.

38:24Sweet of you, Terry.

38:26But all I need is a bed.

38:28A single bed.

38:33See what you've done, Morris?

38:35Started a bleeding epidemic.

38:37Oh, no, no, no.

38:38That comes later.

38:39After you've heated it up, then you let it cool down.

38:42And then when it really starts to congeal,

38:44can you use pistachios instead of strawberries?

38:47I mother want pistachios.

38:49Oh, yes, yes.

38:50I suppose you could do.

38:51You'd have to chop them up very fine, of course.

38:54Then you could spike the vanilla with a little kiss.

38:56Oh, shut up.

38:59I beg your pardon.

39:00I came here for some peace and quiet,

39:02not to listen to a couple of potbellies rumbling.

39:05Excuse me, ladies.

39:05I just want a good word with Mrs. Microson.

39:07That's it, son.

39:08You take her home to Dad.

39:10This is no place for skeletons.

39:12Um, can we go somewhere and...

39:15Look, you're wasting your time, Terry.

39:17Morris wants her to come back.

39:19He's ever so upset.

39:20So upset he sent the office boy?

39:21He had to go to the club, look after his punters.

39:24That Welsh tart you mean?

39:25She's the one he's looking after.

39:26He's not chasing that bird, honestly.

39:29Sadie got it all wrong.

39:30You talked to Sadie?

39:32Yeah, right mixer, that is.

39:33I suppose the voice that answered the phone at my own home was a recording.

39:36No, that was Penny.

39:37Penny?

39:38That's my bird.

39:39She was just answering the phone while we went to Brent Cross.

39:42To look for me?

39:43Yeah.

39:45You got a motor, Terry?

39:47Yeah.

39:48You only tang about, then.

39:49Well, what shall I tell Morris?

39:52Tell him I'll be back tomorrow.

39:54Oh.

39:55Terrific.

39:57Monsieur, rien n'est pas.

40:07Set.

40:07Rouge.

40:08Un terrible manque.

40:14Carrie?

40:15You shouldn't have sent Terry out of town, Morris.

40:19You really shouldn't have.

40:20I mean, who's going to look after this lot if there's any bother?

40:23There won't be any bother.

40:25If they start anything, then no Terry will come looking for them.

40:28That'll be a lot of use to us with our legs in plaster, won't it?

40:30Oh, sir.

40:32Relax.

40:34We're insured against minor injuries, aren't you?

40:36You have got no priorities, Morris.

40:38That is your trouble.

40:39There's plenty of time to go looking for your wife when all this is over.

40:42No point in leaving your investment unprotected.

40:44It is not unprotected.

40:47We've got you, haven't we?

40:52Oh, it's unshook!

40:53Anything wrong?

40:54Not many.

40:55I've seen kids do it better than that.

40:56I don't know what you're talking about.

40:58No.

40:58Get your coat off.

40:59Don't be funny.

41:01Mr. Parsons?

41:03Yes, Mr. Michelson?

41:05A friend here.

41:07He's got two 1,000 chips up his sleeve.

41:10He took them from the top of this lady's pile.

41:12I want him searched.

41:12Now, look here.

41:13Just a moment, sir.

41:14You realise, Mr. Michelson, that's a very serious accusation.

41:18And if it proves to be unfounded, this gentleman could sue you for slander.

41:21I will.

41:21I didn't ask for legal advice.

41:23I asked to have him searched.

41:25Very well.

41:25Shall we do it in the office?

41:27Please continue, ladies and gentlemen.

41:35Come on, I'm friendly to witness.

41:36You're sure about this?

41:37I mean, wouldn't it be better just to forget it?

41:40Forget it?

41:41Two grand?

41:43Oh, I think you're not well.

41:44I won't be if I go in now.

41:47Come on.

41:50George, help the gentleman off with his coat, would you?

41:59Now, Mr. Michelson, you say this gentleman has chips up his sleeve.

42:02Which one?

42:03The right one.

42:05Roll up his sleeve, sir, please.

42:14You bastard.

42:22It's a set-up.

42:23You palm them.

42:24That's enough.

42:26Take Mr. Michelson outside.

42:29I suggest the back door.

42:31Take him for a drive.

42:32And convince him it would be in his best interests not to come back.

42:37Go.

42:39You won't get away with his past.

42:40My life!

42:41You will not get away.

42:43Arthur, come with me!

42:44What?

42:45I'm going to get a stump in!

42:46Yeah, well, I told you not to stick your neck out.

42:51Sorry about that, Mr. Parsons.

42:53He's not himself tonight.

42:54Bit of wife trouble.

42:56Not your fault, Mr. Daly.

42:58Friend of yours, is he?

42:59Friend?

43:00No, no, no.

43:00Nothing like that.

43:01No, no, no.

43:01Hard to know him.

43:03Bye-bye.

43:10Oh!

43:11Oh!

43:12Oh!

43:13Oh!

43:14Oh!

43:15Oh!

43:16Oh!

43:17Oh!

43:18Oh!

43:19Oh!

43:20Oh!

43:21Oh!

43:22Oh!

43:23Oh!

43:24Oh!

43:25Oh!

43:26Oh!

43:27Oh!

43:28Oh!

43:29Oh!

43:30Oh!

43:31Oh!

43:32Oh!

43:33Oh!

43:34Oh!

43:35Oh!

43:36Oh!

43:37Oh!

43:38Oh!

43:39Oh!

43:39Joe!

43:40Be careful!

43:41Go race!

43:42No!

43:43Cheers, Joe.

43:44Have a look in his pocket, will he?

43:46There should be two grand in chips.

43:51Right.

43:52Nice.

43:53Bloody amateurs.

43:54Try not to get him out of the way.

43:56I'm not sure.

43:57I'm not sure.

43:58I'm not sure.

43:59I'm not sure.

44:00I'm not sure.

44:01I'm not sure.

44:02I'm not sure.

44:03I'm not sure.

44:04I'm not sure.

44:05I'm not sure.

44:06I'm not sure.

44:07I'm not sure.

44:08I'm not sure.

44:09Damn it is.

44:10Trying to con a pro.

44:11Ha!

44:18Monsieur, rien ne va plus.

44:23Arthur.

44:24Oh, Terence.

44:25Nice of you to show up.

44:26Eh?

44:27Taking off for foreign parts and leaving your reverend guy to men or defend for himself.

44:31Foreign parts?

44:32I went to Arcliffe.

44:33Yeah, well, as long as you're not expecting any wages for tonight.

44:35That's all.

44:36Hold on.

44:37I thought we were on a percentage.

44:38Yeah, here we are.

44:39But the percentage will have to be adjusted, won't it?

44:41I mean, naturally.

44:42Oh, yeah.

44:43Naturally.

44:44Hey, hey.

44:45Have you seen Morris?

44:46Yeah, outside.

44:47He was getting a good hiding.

44:48Oh, my God.

44:49Nah, don't worry.

44:50He's all right.

44:51He's gone home.

44:52He wants you to cash up and then back to his gaff for the share out.

44:54Oh, thank God for that.

44:55I'll tell the punters.

44:56Here.

44:57Better have that.

44:59Good boy.

45:00That's why we get on so well together, you and me.

45:04We can trust each other.

45:06Ten and a half from the other two nights.

45:12That makes 27 grand.

45:14Thirteen and a half is mine and thirteen and a half split six ways is 2,250 each for you.

45:21Mr. McCann, if you would do the honors.

45:24Thank you very much.

45:25Good night.

45:26Good night.

45:28And I'm sure they'll all agree with me when I say that we've had the time of our lives.

45:32Well, that's lovely.

45:33That is lovely.

45:34Good night.

45:36Good night.

45:37Good night.

45:38Good night.

45:39Good night.

45:40Thank you very much.

45:41You know, I still don't see why we can't go on.

45:42Well, Major, as the Duke of Wellington said, when they've done their brains, put a boot in.

45:46Maybe we'll get together again sometime.

45:48Yes.

45:49Yes, maybe.

45:50Do you gentlemen need financial guidance?

45:52Just give me a bell.

45:53Any hour of the day or night.

45:55Yes, Arthur Daly, 24 hour man.

45:57Good night.

45:58There we are, my dear.

46:02Good night, Maurice.

46:04A pity we couldn't finish what we started.

46:07For you, it's a pity.

46:08For me, it's muzzle.

46:09Good night.

46:12Ten percent to thirty and a half grand.

46:14Thirty and fifty.

46:15Right?

46:16Right.

46:17What's fifty percent of that?

46:18Hold hard, young Terence.

46:20Oh, here we go.

46:22What's that mean, then?

46:23Well, it's always hold hard, young Terence, when it's time for my wages, innit?

46:27Listen, I did a grand at the tables.

46:29That's down to you.

46:30What you talking about?

46:31That's legitimate expenses.

46:32I had to do a bit of punting while I was supervising the operation.

46:35Supervising?

46:36Watching them raking the chips?

46:37Oh, that's bleeding hard work, innit?

46:39And another thing, you didn't turn up tonight.

46:41I turned up in time to save you two grand.

46:44I'm not saying you was wasting your time.

46:47But what you was doing was a favour to Maurice.

46:49And I reckon he should foot the bill.

46:52Fair enough.

46:53If and when she comes back, it's worth a ton.

46:57There you are, there's another one.

46:58Two hundred quid for two days' work.

47:00You can't grumble, son, can you?

47:01Stick with me.

47:02I'll make you a millionaire.

47:04I don't think I could have fooled it, Arthur.

47:07Eh?

47:08If I ever got my hands on a million, I'd still end up owing you two.

47:16Terry.

47:17Almost forgot.

47:18That bird of yours.

47:19Oh, try.

47:20Left your nose.

47:21Oh, have a listen.

47:24Dear Terry, I've decided to take myself off the sick list.

47:27My doctor's been so busy, he's been unable to give me his undivided attention.

47:31So I'm off to the north, where they take better care of their patients.

47:35Penny.

47:38Well, what can I tell you?

47:41Win some, you lose some.

47:42Cheers, Del.

47:43Cheers.

47:51What's up?

47:52You won't start.

47:54Do you want to slide over and let me have a go?

48:01It's funny.

48:02I haven't got the knack, I suppose.

48:03Maybe I should follow in my motor, just in case it stools or something.

48:05Maybe you should.

48:06All right then.

48:07I don't know.

48:08It's funny.

48:09I haven't got the knack, I suppose.

48:10Maybe I should follow in my motor, just in case it stools or something.

48:11Maybe you should.

48:12All right then.

48:14You lose some?

48:16You lose some?

48:17I wish it stools or something.

48:19Maybe you should.

48:21All right then.

48:41You lose some, you win some.

48:47You lose some, you win some.

48:53You lose some, you win some.

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended