- 7 weeks ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:00You're always saying there's something wrong
00:00:13Well maybe it's just that there's nothing right
00:00:16Too far gone and it looks like you're someone else
00:00:19Too far along and now decide
00:00:22Focus on, you're never so quite alone
00:00:25Love turns, it's out of blue eyes
00:00:28I can't believe this is actually happening, Zach
00:00:44I know, I know, I keep feeling it, we're gonna wake up from a dream
00:00:46You want me to pinch you?
00:00:47Yes
00:00:48Ow!
00:00:49You said pinch!
00:00:50I'm sorry
00:00:51Do we...
00:00:52Oh!
00:00:53Shit!
00:00:54This is actually happening!
00:00:56Dude, we need to chill out
00:00:59We can't look like dorks on our first day is out
00:01:01Okay
00:01:02Alright
00:01:04I just can't keep my eyes on
00:01:06Oh my god
00:01:10Angelina, where'd you go?
00:01:14You know there's so much I don't know
00:01:18Angelina...
00:01:20...
00:01:30Yeah!
00:01:31Dick face!
00:01:32Oh my god
00:01:34Oh my god
00:01:36I see some moves
00:01:37Oh my god
00:01:38Oh my god
00:01:39You did it
00:01:40Oh my god
00:01:41Oh my god
00:01:42Oh my god
00:01:43Oh my god
00:01:44Oh my god
00:01:45Oh my god
00:01:46Oh my god
00:01:47Wow, it's a hamster.
00:01:49Oh, damn!
00:01:51It's beautiful, man.
00:01:53It's just beautiful.
00:01:55Good evening, gentlemen.
00:01:57It's daytime.
00:01:59Oh!
00:02:01Mr. President.
00:02:03So it is.
00:02:05You boys ready to be inducted?
00:02:07Yes, Mr. President!
00:02:09See, as new elf as these boys
00:02:11start to call him Mr. President,
00:02:13or else they'll get punched in the dick.
00:02:15Boys, this is Charity.
00:02:17This is Faith.
00:02:19Girls, this is, uh, Zach.
00:02:21And, uh, what is it?
00:02:23Christian? Cameron!
00:02:25Oh!
00:02:27Boys, welcome to the 24-hour
00:02:29Party Machine, man!
00:02:31Woo! Someone get these boys a beer
00:02:33and a handjob, please?
00:02:35You all right, man?
00:02:37I'm so happy.
00:02:39I love this place.
00:02:45All right, girls.
00:02:47Put your shirts back on.
00:02:49We're going downstairs to the induction ceremony.
00:02:51Not you.
00:02:53You meet me in my room.
00:02:55Yes, Mr. President.
00:02:57See, fellas?
00:02:59That right there never gets over.
00:03:01All right, fellas, get fucking around.
00:03:03We have some cherries to pop and some serious party to do.
00:03:05Wow!
00:03:07Holy shit, did you hear what he just said?
00:03:09Oh, my God.
00:03:11We're not even at the serious party yet.
00:03:13It's even better than I imagined.
00:03:15Oh!
00:03:27The average male graduate makes 125,000 per year.
00:03:31Meanwhile, the average female graduate makes 41,500 per year.
00:03:37That's 30,056 Euro.
00:03:40That's bullshit!
00:03:42Yes, it is bullshit, Misty.
00:03:45And why would these women put up with such inequitable, inexcusable disparity?
00:03:50Somehow, the women of Sterling College got it in their heads
00:03:53that being married to one of these successful men
00:03:55is just as good as being successful themselves,
00:03:58which is a bunch of hooey!
00:04:01Yes.
00:04:02Is the astronaut single?
00:04:04What?
00:04:05That's not the point!
00:04:08The point is we all worked so hard to get into this college.
00:04:11We're not just here for the parties, the sex,
00:04:14and the Lansom rich husband.
00:04:16Right?
00:04:19Then what are you doing here, Miss Kramer?
00:04:22It is Miss Kramer, isn't it?
00:04:24Kelly Kramer.
00:04:25Associate Dean Marshall.
00:04:27Yes, I know who I am.
00:04:29So, this is Delta Pi Sorority.
00:04:34I heard you were meeting, even though you don't have a house.
00:04:38I'd say it shows resolve.
00:04:40I'd say it shows resolve.
00:04:42It's pathetic!
00:04:45Not only that, it's unfair.
00:04:47Especially when you consider how many houses the fraternities have.
00:04:51Am I right, ladies?
00:04:52Yeah.
00:04:53Definitely.
00:04:54Yeah.
00:04:55Sterling College has always offered more opportunities to its male students.
00:04:58You really think that you and your quote-unquote sorority can overturn 50 years of history?
00:05:08Yes.
00:05:09I do.
00:05:12I was hoping you'd say that.
00:05:13Gentlemen.
00:05:14Today, you enter an elite brotherhood established by our founders in 1963.
00:05:26Just as Sterling College is known as the cradle of awesome, Alpha House is known as the place where awesome goes to get its freak on.
00:05:34Now, are you ready to uphold the tradition of this fraternity?
00:05:40If yes, let me hear you say yeah.
00:05:42Yeah!
00:05:43Good.
00:05:44Do you swear to never speak ill of her?
00:05:47Let me hear you say yeah.
00:05:48Yeah!
00:05:49Yeah!
00:05:50To never let her hollowed halls fall silent.
00:05:53To never let her kegs run empty.
00:05:56And to never, ever, let the party die?
00:06:00Oh yeah!
00:06:01Now, suck the guy's dick on your immediate left.
00:06:06What?
00:06:11Really?
00:06:12No.
00:06:13Just messing with you.
00:06:14I just want to see if you really do it.
00:06:15I have nobody to my left.
00:06:17Gentlemen.
00:06:19Welcome to Alpha House.
00:06:22What the fuck?
00:06:23Who turned out the lights?
00:06:28I'm sorry, Mr. Kroger.
00:06:31Am I interrupting something?
00:06:33Of course not.
00:06:35Always an honor to be visited by our Associate Dean.
00:06:38I see you are inducting a fresh batch of perverts, drunks, and future felons.
00:06:44How fortuitous that I've found you on a very accepting frame of mind.
00:06:48You thinking about pledging?
00:06:50It's really flattering, but unfortunately we're about at capacity for the year.
00:06:55Though, the peace offering with the strippers was not a bad move.
00:06:58I see they went for the naughty bookworm look.
00:07:01What, you couldn't throw in at least one sexy cop?
00:07:03You see?
00:07:04This is why I'm here.
00:07:05For a too long Alpha House has been a bastion for sex drugs.
00:07:10Stop it.
00:07:11Stop it!
00:07:12It's not a good thing!
00:07:13It's everything that's wrong with Sterling College!
00:07:16But we are going to transform it into a shining example of everything that Sterling College has to offer.
00:07:25Opportunity.
00:07:26Diversity.
00:07:28Equality.
00:07:29Yeah, can you get to the point? I'm sobering up over here.
00:07:32Gentlemen.
00:07:34Meet your new brothers.
00:07:36Hello, boys.
00:07:39As of tonight, I am making Alpha House officially co-ed.
00:07:45No, you can't.
00:07:46I can.
00:07:47And I did.
00:07:49Dean Bunglin would never approve of this.
00:07:52I doubt Dean Bunglin would give approval to such a dramatic change to his old fraternity.
00:07:58But luckily, fraternity matters fall under the purview of the Associate Dean.
00:08:05Which is me.
00:08:07This is bullshit!
00:08:08What's your name, Potty Mouth?
00:08:09Cameron!
00:08:10Is there something on your feeble mind, Cameron?
00:08:11You can't just change a frat like this!
00:08:12This isn't fair!
00:08:13And having a sorority without a house is.
00:08:14Excellent return, Renee.
00:08:15It's not fair to the girls.
00:08:16It's still a frat.
00:08:17You can bring a bunch of girls in here, but they're going to have to live with a bunch of guys.
00:08:18Yeah.
00:08:19Fair to make them live in that kind of environment?
00:08:20Hmm.
00:08:21Excellent point, Cameron's friend.
00:08:22Zach.
00:08:23Don't care.
00:08:24With Alpha House being co-ed, it is governed by state and federal laws, which have been
00:08:27established by state and federal laws.
00:08:28You can't just change a frat like this.
00:08:29You can't just change a frat like this.
00:08:30This isn't fair.
00:08:31And having a sorority without a house is.
00:08:32Excellent return, Renee.
00:08:33It's not fair to the girls.
00:08:34It's still a frat.
00:08:35You can bring a bunch of girls in here, but they're going to have to live with a bunch of
00:08:36guys.
00:08:37Fair to make them live in that kind of environment?
00:08:38Hmm.
00:08:39Excellent point, Cameron's friend.
00:08:42Zach.
00:08:43Don't care.
00:08:44With Alpha House being co-ed, it is governed by state and federal laws which forbid anyone
00:08:51from making a member of the opposite sex feel harassed, disenfranchised, or otherwise
00:08:59uncomfortable.
00:09:01It means you horndogs will dial down the debauchery significantly.
00:09:08How significantly?
00:09:10This place is going to make the Mormon tabernacle look like Mardi Gras.
00:09:15Everybody will be on their best behavior or else you're out.
00:09:21Out of Alpha House?
00:09:23Out of Alpha House.
00:09:26Out of Sterling College.
00:09:28Poop!
00:09:29Out of luck!
00:09:31Lytees...
00:09:32Why don't you go make yourselves at home?
00:09:37Girls?
00:09:38Can someone wear some air freshener.
00:09:42...this is a disaster.
00:09:48I'm out of here.
00:09:50Where are you going?
00:09:53Sorry dudes, I was only delivering the stupid frat for the booze in the cool.
00:09:57Where are you going?
00:09:58Sorry, dude.
00:09:59I was only ever in the stupid frat for the booze and the coos.
00:10:01Dude, what about brotherhood?
00:10:03What about never letting the party die?
00:10:05Dude, look around.
00:10:07The party's dead.
00:10:08I should be elbows deep in co-ed trim right now,
00:10:11instead of watching these delta pi lesbos turn our front
00:10:13door into a chastity belt.
00:10:18Adios, losers.
00:10:20Oh.
00:10:21Oh, no.
00:10:21Enjoy your castration.
00:10:23Come on, seriously, guys.
00:10:25Wait, what?
00:10:26Get in.
00:10:29Bye-bye.
00:10:30Oh.
00:10:32Well, looks like you're the de facto present, potty mouth.
00:10:38Congrats.
00:10:39All right, listen up.
00:10:40This is how it's going to work.
00:10:41You two are going to divide up the house equally.
00:10:45I'm putting this on both your shoulders.
00:10:47Got it?
00:10:48Got it.
00:10:49Good.
00:10:51So this is how it's going to work.
00:10:53You guys are going to get the rooms in the back,
00:10:54and we'll get the rooms in the front.
00:10:56Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:10:57You're talking to the acting alpha house president here, OK?
00:11:01If anybody decides who gets what rooms, it's me.
00:11:05OK, so what do you suggest?
00:11:08Girls in the front, guys in the back.
00:11:11And you can share your room with me.
00:11:13I'll pass.
00:11:14How many bathrooms are in this hellhole?
00:11:16Two upstairs, one down here.
00:11:18We each get one upstairs.
00:11:20The one downstairs is for guests.
00:11:21And the living room and the kitchen are common areas.
00:11:24Does that work for you?
00:11:25Yes.
00:11:26Make it so.
00:11:28Right.
00:11:28Who's that?
00:11:29I am not sure, but I think she wants to fuck me.
00:11:35That's not going to happen.
00:11:38Oh, yeah.
00:11:39We'll see about that, sweetie.
00:11:40Oh.
00:11:41Melanie?
00:11:42Zach.
00:11:43Oh, my God.
00:11:44What are you doing here?
00:11:45I just transferred.
00:11:46I was over at state last semester.
00:11:47Well, hello there, Melanie.
00:11:48Cameron.
00:11:49Wow.
00:11:50Didn't miss that.
00:11:51Melanie, upstairs now.
00:11:52We're having a meeting.
00:11:53OK.
00:11:54Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around the house then?
00:11:58Yeah, I guess so.
00:11:59I'm sorry.
00:12:00I'm sorry.
00:12:01Oh, my God.
00:12:02What are you doing here?
00:12:03I just transferred.
00:12:04I was over at state last semester.
00:12:05Well, hello there, Melanie.
00:12:08Cameron.
00:12:09Wow.
00:12:10Didn't miss that.
00:12:11Melanie!
00:12:12Upstairs now.
00:12:13We're having a meeting.
00:12:14This place is repulsive.
00:12:19Is that a used condom?
00:12:21Oh.
00:12:22Oh.
00:12:23Oh.
00:12:24Oh.
00:12:25Oh.
00:12:26Ladies, please.
00:12:28I know these aren't the best of arrangements.
00:12:30And no matter what those cavemen downstairs think,
00:12:32this place is just as much ours as it is theirs.
00:12:35The road is going to be rough.
00:12:37It's going to be dirty.
00:12:39And occasionally, we'll have a used condom in it.
00:12:41But we can do this.
00:12:43Sisters on three.
00:12:49One, two, three.
00:12:50This is bullshit.
00:12:52All right?
00:12:53We can't have chicks living here.
00:12:55Yeah, I totally agree.
00:12:57You know that brunette?
00:12:59Yo, I'd love to get her Canadian swirl and avoid bronco on four flat ties.
00:13:04Dude, what?
00:13:05Makes zero sense, dude.
00:13:07Look, guys.
00:13:08This is our house.
00:13:09Those girls were invaders in our territory.
00:13:11Cameron and I, we've wanted to be Elvis for as long as I can remember.
00:13:15And I'm not throwing that dream down the shitter because of some chicks.
00:13:17Yeah, me too, dude.
00:13:18But my dream did not include a pussy embargo.
00:13:22You guys are missing the bigger picture here.
00:13:24Did you see the talent that just walked into this house?
00:13:27At this moment, the rooms directly above our heads are being stocked with some pretty decent great inventory.
00:13:34This house is basically just a Costco full of vag, right?
00:13:39And if we play our cards right, we might be getting some free samples.
00:13:43Besides, how bad can it be living with girls?
00:13:45Huh.
00:13:55What's going on?
00:13:56They're cleaning.
00:13:58Nice work, ladies.
00:14:00What the fuck do you think you're doing?
00:14:04Just because you're comfortable living like pigs doesn't mean we have to be here.
00:14:30That's all.
00:14:31It's not the same thing.
00:14:32You're supposed to have to be naked because we're moving.
00:14:33Well, everybody, so you know how you feel.
00:14:35Look, there's a lot of people around that.
00:14:36You're not going to be able to take the time to get to the store.
00:14:38If you've got such a lot of people around the world, you can get to the property.
00:14:39So maybe just don't like that.
00:14:40I'll be able to keep the room right away.
00:14:41You're.
00:14:42Thanks, so you're a little bit of a dog.
00:14:43Don't be a little bit.
00:14:44Look.
00:14:45I'm still getting tired.
00:14:46You're getting tired.
00:14:47I can't even go.
00:14:48You're getting tired.
00:14:49All right.
00:14:50You're getting tired.
00:14:51You're getting tired.
00:14:52I am tired.
00:14:53I'm all getting tired of the place.
00:14:55Beak!
00:14:57What the hell?
00:14:59Oh!
00:15:01Oh!
00:15:03Oh!
00:15:05Oh!
00:15:07Oh!
00:15:09Oh!
00:15:11Oh!
00:15:13Oh!
00:15:15Oh!
00:15:17Oh!
00:15:19Oh!
00:15:21Oh!
00:15:23Oh!
00:15:25Oh!
00:15:27What's going on?
00:15:29You're painting this room.
00:15:31So?
00:15:33You're painting this room pink.
00:15:39Fucking hate pink!
00:15:43Why do you get used to the view though?
00:15:47Oh!
00:15:53Yo, I definitely get both in on my cherry twizzle.
00:15:55I'm gonna show you twizzle.
00:15:57I'm gonna show you twizzle.
00:15:59I'm gonna show you that lol!
00:16:01What is it?
00:16:07Let's do it together!
00:16:09Because, I must!
00:16:11How do you turn the light to your Matthys and I be really busy?
00:16:13Pretty close and charismatic , today.
00:16:15Uh!
00:16:16To you its Gracious Father!
00:16:17At me,
00:16:19We have to achieve that life!
00:16:21Yeah!
00:16:23This breeze could carry me away
00:16:32Can't leave my fickle feet astray
00:16:40Enjoying the view?
00:16:43Um...
00:16:46Yeah. What do you say?
00:16:50We were just...
00:16:52Right.
00:16:56You know, these paint fumes are making me kind of dizzy.
00:16:59Oh! Yeah, me too.
00:17:03You wanna... get out of here?
00:17:07Definitely.
00:17:08Okay.
00:17:22I can't...
00:17:23I can't...
00:17:24I can't...
00:17:28I can't...
00:17:30I can't...
00:17:31Go away.
00:17:38It's just a set of simple...
00:17:41Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:17:44Go, go, go.
00:17:46Forget you, can't forget you.
00:17:51Perf!
00:17:53Oh!
00:17:54Oh!
00:17:55I'm gonna kill you!
00:17:56I like that!
00:17:57I like that!
00:17:58Help me.
00:17:59What happened?
00:18:00I caught Jersey Shore here staring at me through my bedroom door!
00:18:03Whoa, kiss my taint, all right?
00:18:05I am way cooler than those Jersey Shore douchebags!
00:18:08I'm taking this to Marshall!
00:18:09Whoa!
00:18:10Okay, pause right there, all right?
00:18:12Nobody has to take anything to Dean Marshall.
00:18:15How about you promise to stay in your part of the house,
00:18:18and we'll promise to stay in ours?
00:18:20But we get the basement, okay?
00:18:22You guys got to go all fucking Martha Stewart on the rest of the house.
00:18:25We get one place that's just ours, just like we like it.
00:18:28Deal?
00:18:31If I catch you looking at me again,
00:18:33I'm turning your balls into a keychain.
00:18:35Is that a promise?
00:18:37No!
00:18:38Ooh!
00:18:39Ooh!
00:18:40I love her.
00:18:41I love her.
00:18:42Dude, I...
00:18:43What?
00:18:48I've been taking this place over.
00:18:50Then what the fuck are we doing about it?
00:18:52Because I am one ass hair away from leaving.
00:18:58We do what we do best.
00:19:00And that would be?
00:19:02We be guys.
00:19:03We do everything we can to run the Deltas out of this place
00:19:06and back into the lecture hall they came from,
00:19:08and then we take Alpha House back for ourselves.
00:19:10What about Marshall's big plan?
00:19:12What's he gonna do about it if they leave voluntarily?
00:19:15But what about the bitchy one?
00:19:16Leave her to me.
00:19:18You boys ready for this?
00:19:20Oh, yeah.
00:19:22Good.
00:19:23We started sun-up.
00:19:27Don't have fun, don't have fun, don't have fun...
00:19:30파akers are too cute.
00:19:33Don't even look at me!
00:19:34Wake up!
00:19:35Wake up!
00:19:36Wake up!
00:19:37Wake up...
00:19:47Wake up...
00:19:48Listen up, recruits.
00:19:57As acting president of Alpha House, it is my responsibility, strike that,
00:20:01my pleasure, to ensure that you have the proper induction
00:20:05in this most honorable institution.
00:20:09Being an Alpha is a goddamn privilege.
00:20:11It's a goddamn privilege.
00:20:12And like any privilege, it's earned through hard work.
00:20:16Isn't that right, gentlemen?
00:20:17Hoo-rah!
00:20:19Give me a break.
00:20:20New recruits will ask for permission before speaking to the president!
00:20:23Speak to this!
00:20:27What is your name, recruit?
00:20:29Kelly Kramer.
00:20:31Do you have a middle name?
00:20:32Fuck off.
00:20:34Pretty.
00:20:35People call you K-2?
00:20:37Nobody calls me K-2.
00:20:38Here's the deal, K-2.
00:20:40Just as generations of Alphas before you,
00:20:44you and your little fembots here are going to have to endure
00:20:47some minor inconveniences to demonstrate you are worthy for a spot in this house.
00:20:57If any of you can't handle it,
00:21:01you are welcome to leave.
00:21:02Bring it, shit weasel.
00:21:05Play your little games.
00:21:07Get that frat bullshit out of your system.
00:21:09But guess what?
00:21:10We're still going to be here.
00:21:12Are we done?
00:21:14You are dismissed.
00:21:17Whatever.
00:21:18Girls.
00:21:20That didn't go as planned.
00:21:22No, it did not.
00:21:24They have to leave?
00:21:26Oh, they will.
00:21:28I have a plan.
00:21:29Excuse me, ladies.
00:21:44Hey!
00:21:44I'm so sorry.
00:21:45We good?
00:21:46You're watching that.
00:21:47We're watching this now.
00:21:49Oh, God.
00:21:49And this is how they pay for college.
00:21:54All right, K2, you got the choice between every hole filled with cock,
00:21:59Brazilian whores in Vegas,
00:22:01looks like that won an award,
00:22:02or white men can hop.
00:22:04Oh, sorry.
00:22:05Don't have a TV in my room.
00:22:06Oh, no problem.
00:22:08Boys!
00:22:09Good to go, boss.
00:22:10Good, thank you.
00:22:12All right, white men can hop it is.
00:22:15All right, let's get those TVs bouncing.
00:22:17Nice.
00:22:18Home movies?
00:22:23Uh, sorry.
00:22:24It's part of, you know.
00:22:28It's all right.
00:22:29Hey, I might even learn a thing or two.
00:22:32I, uh, gotta go.
00:22:39This is not why I joined your stupid sorority.
00:22:45Change is never easy, Renee.
00:22:47But we're not about to let some smutty videos break us.
00:22:52We will persevere.
00:22:54Hello, ladies.
00:22:56Have we got a treat for you.
00:22:58And now the shirts.
00:22:59What is this?
00:23:00Oh, well, we thought that the house could use a little more solidarity.
00:23:04So, what each and every one of you is going to do
00:23:07is think of the sluttiest thing you've ever done on a first date,
00:23:09write it on the shirt, and wear it to dinner.
00:23:11What?
00:23:12No.
00:23:13Why not?
00:23:14Come on.
00:23:15We're doing it, too.
00:23:16See?
00:23:16Solidarity.
00:23:18Yes.
00:23:18Besides, President's orders.
00:23:20Right, Cam?
00:23:21What'd you do?
00:23:22See you all at dinner.
00:23:23Bye.
00:23:27I'm not doing this.
00:23:28Yes, you are.
00:23:30We all are.
00:23:31Think of all the women who have stood up for what they believe is right.
00:23:34Elizabeth Blackwell.
00:23:36Susan B. Anthony.
00:23:37Snuckie!
00:23:38Snuckie!
00:23:40If those women could endure all they had to go through, surely we can endure this.
00:23:47Right, ladies?
00:23:50All of you, start writing.
00:23:52And be truthful.
00:23:54We wouldn't want to compromise our integrity.
00:24:02Jessica.
00:24:02I said, be truthful.
00:24:06Oh, shit.
00:24:07I made this for you.
00:24:25I made this for you.
00:24:25God, dude, I don't know what the fuck this is.
00:24:46Oh, relax.
00:24:48Right?
00:24:49I am on it.
00:24:57It's working.
00:24:59All right.
00:25:00Tiddy cam number one.
00:25:01It's ready for its broadcast day.
00:25:03Sweet.
00:25:04Let's roll.
00:25:05All right, careful.
00:25:10Careful.
00:25:19Well, you see me hanging on the bar, and I'm looking like a movie star now.
00:25:31Perfection.
00:25:31And you, you like the way I build my jeans, and you, you like the way my gold tooth gleams.
00:25:46I get a sense of your attraction.
00:25:53But you might want to play a different course of action.
00:25:58Cause I'm trash, yeah, I'm trash.
00:26:03Somebody help me cause I'm flat on my ass.
00:26:06I'm trash, yeah, I'm trash.
00:26:09Somebody help me cause I'm ready to crash.
00:26:12I'm all out of luck, and I'm all out of cash now.
00:26:18No, no, no, no, hold it.
00:26:22Well, I got dust collecting in my home, and I got dust collecting on my phone.
00:26:25Let's do another one.
00:26:27All right.
00:26:36Jackpot.
00:26:36I so don't want to go to flight class today.
00:26:39Hey, how was history yesterday?
00:26:42Fuck the feminist movement.
00:26:43What?
00:26:43Turn around.
00:26:45Turn around.
00:26:46They make the Disney princesses seem like they're bad.
00:26:49I mean, hello, they get everything they wanted.
00:26:54What the fuck is that?
00:26:55Hey, did you see that?
00:26:59Asshole!
00:27:04Zach, Zach, you gotta check out this footage.
00:27:07It's totally epic.
00:27:09Maybe later, guys.
00:27:10Titties.
00:27:11Hey, there.
00:27:18Spot!
00:27:19Can't a guy get some...
00:27:20Oh.
00:27:23Hi.
00:27:25Studying, huh?
00:27:27Trying to.
00:27:28Just like old times.
00:27:30You remember our first date?
00:27:33Seventh grade.
00:27:34After school, you asked me to meet you.
00:27:37In the library.
00:27:38Right.
00:27:39You said you wanted me to help you with your history assignment.
00:27:43But I seem to remember what you really wanted was to feel my boobs.
00:27:47Under their sweater or over the bra, if I remember correctly.
00:27:50Oh, you remember.
00:27:53So, what are you studying now?
00:27:55Oh.
00:27:57History.
00:27:58Hmm.
00:27:58You don't say.
00:28:02I'll let you get to it.
00:28:04Yeah.
00:28:09We should shout again a lot often.
00:28:13Yeah, it's so much fun.
00:28:15It's good for the environment.
00:28:17It is.
00:28:17I know.
00:28:18We're speaking to her.
00:28:19Talking bunny.
00:28:20Yeah.
00:28:23Don't look at the bitch!
00:28:27Don't look at the environment.
00:28:31Don't take it.
00:28:32Do you have to be such an asshole?
00:28:36I think you mean president asshole.
00:28:43I'm taking this to the dean.
00:28:45Y'all would love to get her Alabama hot pocket.
00:28:47I have no idea what that means.
00:28:49I'll tell you about it later.
00:28:51Stop.
00:28:52Stop.
00:28:52Stop.
00:28:52Stop.
00:28:52Stop.
00:28:53Stop.
00:28:53You're serious.
00:28:59Well, now you're just flirting with me academically, aren't you?
00:29:02No, seriously.
00:29:03Those are impressive numbers.
00:29:05I'm on the phone!
00:29:07I'm going to lunch.
00:29:08Be back by one.
00:29:10By three.
00:29:12Yes, yes.
00:29:14Well, I look forward to speaking about Virgin Mary much more as well.
00:29:20Yes, yes.
00:29:21Alpha House Project is moving forward.
00:29:22Uh, students are getting along.
00:29:25No, no, no, no complaints.
00:29:27And, uh, if there are, there's always provision 13.
00:29:37Listen, if we have to use it, we most definitely will.
00:29:42Listen up, ladies.
00:29:43The game has changed.
00:29:44Before you know it, we're going to have this house all to ourselves.
00:29:47How?
00:29:48Like this.
00:29:50Really?
00:29:51Yeah, what are you doing?
00:29:53Oh, my God.
00:29:53What we have to do to take this house.
00:29:55Saddle up, girls.
00:29:57It's time to blow some minds.
00:29:59Oh, my God.
00:30:00Oh, my God.
00:30:01Oh, my God.
00:30:09Hey, Cameron.
00:30:10Hey.
00:30:11Hey, what's up, K2?
00:30:12Um, I just really wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting lately.
00:30:17Really?
00:30:18Yeah.
00:30:18You know, I know it must be weird being forced to live with a bunch of women.
00:30:23It's a lot to take in all at once.
00:30:25Yeah, it's cool.
00:30:26We've been having fun.
00:30:27Yeah, totally.
00:30:29Us too.
00:30:30Anyways, the girls and I wanted to offer you a kind of peace offering.
00:30:33Oh, a peace offering.
00:30:36Yeah.
00:30:37You know, for all the trouble we've caused you, it's the least we can do.
00:30:43So, dinner tonight at the house on us?
00:30:47Sure.
00:30:48Sounds good.
00:30:49Perfect.
00:30:50I'll see you then.
00:30:51And remember to dress nice.
00:30:53We've got something really special planned.
00:30:55All right.
00:30:56See ya.
00:30:57Okay.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:57Bye.
00:30:58Bye.
00:30:59Bye.
00:30:59Bye.
00:30:59Bye.
00:30:59Bye.
00:31:00Bye.
00:31:00Bye.
00:31:01Bye.
00:31:02Bye.
00:31:02Bye.
00:31:02Bye.
00:31:02Bye.
00:31:02Bye.
00:31:02Bye.
00:31:03Bye.
00:31:21Good evening, gentlemen.
00:31:22We, your Alpha Sisters, would like to thank you for welcoming us so warmly into your home.
00:31:27As a token of our gratitude, we prepared a very special meal for you tonight.
00:31:32One I think you'll remember for a long time.
00:31:42Please, take a seat.
00:32:02Enjoy your dinner, boys.
00:32:03I don't know about y'all fellas, but I am famished.
00:32:04I don't know about y'all fellas, but I am famished.
00:32:18I don't know about y'all fellas, but I am famished.
00:32:22Don't you?
00:32:22Oh by the way?
00:32:22Let me be as famished.
00:32:23I don't know about y'all.
00:32:24Come on.
00:32:24Maybe I am famished.
00:32:25Do what you want me.
00:32:26Do what you want to be.
00:32:27Make me be.
00:32:28Do what you want me to be.
00:32:29Let me see.
00:32:30Ah, boy.
00:32:31It is amazing.
00:32:32Time for stage two.
00:32:34Beautiful.
00:32:35I'm on.
00:32:35Why don't you tell me.
00:32:37Why don't you tell me what you want to be.
00:32:38Yes.
00:32:40Associate Dean Marshall, please.
00:32:41Then I'll take you inside that place you want to be.
00:32:46Don't you like what you see?
00:32:48Everything looks delicious.
00:32:50Then it helps itself.
00:33:16Do you have any wasabi?
00:33:26Of course.
00:33:32Tickles.
00:33:46Bangorang.
00:34:02Dude, they're just boobs, man.
00:34:04No, no, no, no. He's choking.
00:34:06Oh, my God!
00:34:08Does anybody know the Heimlich?
00:34:10I'm a live guard.
00:34:12What are you looking for?
00:34:14Careful!
00:34:20Are you okay?
00:34:21Are you okay? Look at my face, asshole!
00:34:23What is going on?
00:34:28Oh.
00:34:42I'd say I was disappointed, but doesn't quite cover it.
00:34:53Oh, aghast!
00:34:54Crest falling.
00:34:55Disgrace.
00:34:56Disrespect.
00:34:57Melancholy.
00:34:58Kissed off!
00:34:59I think doesn't.
00:35:00That's a good one.
00:35:01Because of your antics and heinous treatment of sushi, I've been forced to expel members of your fraternity for indecency and fraternization.
00:35:10And I particularly expected more from you, Ms. Kramer.
00:35:12Me too.
00:35:13Shut up, potty mouth.
00:35:15I'm so sorry, sir. It won't happen again.
00:35:18Good.
00:35:19Because I will not hesitate to put each and every one of you out on the street if you cannot follow the rules.
00:35:34That is all.
00:35:40Baker's gone.
00:35:41No.
00:35:42So what?
00:35:43We're done?
00:35:44We're just getting started.
00:35:46We dial it up a notch.
00:35:47We just can't get caught in the process.
00:35:52One man eliminated.
00:35:54But now, we've lost two of our own.
00:35:58That was sloppy.
00:36:00From now on, we play smarter.
00:36:02We play harder.
00:36:03We can't afford to have any more casualties.
00:36:11That's awesome.
00:36:19Buddy, you sure it's gonna work?
00:36:21Dude, please.
00:36:22I switched to do these this morning.
00:36:26Well, this is going to be educational.
00:36:37Good afternoon.
00:36:38My presentation is on Pompeii.
00:36:45In 79 AD, the Italian city of Pompeii was destroyed by the sudden and devastating eruption of Mount Vesuvius.
00:36:55For centuries before its ruin, however, Pompeii was a thriving metropolis, a place of wealth and abundance.
00:37:02In fact, its citizens produced works of art, dance, and music still admirable today.
00:37:09You don't say.
00:37:13Thanks.
00:37:15Little did the people know that danger's lurking in the peaks and mountains nearby.
00:37:19Oh, shit!
00:37:32Shit!
00:37:38I love it!
00:37:42Don't!
00:37:43You did it!
00:37:46You killed your children and your children's children!
00:37:50Come on!
00:37:52Come on!
00:37:53Come on!
00:38:08So, Abby seems to think you guys had something to do with her presentation earlier.
00:38:13Uh, I assure you we had nothing to do with the destruction of Pompeii.
00:38:19Whatever.
00:38:23I'm sorry that Edgar got kicked out last night.
00:38:26Yeah.
00:38:27Same about Jessica and Katie.
00:38:31Who would have thought that Associate Dean Douchebag was actually a man of his word?
00:38:34Still not sure why he showed up at that exact moment, though.
00:38:40Just bad luck, I guess.
00:38:42Hey.
00:38:44Do you remember that night in high school when we were in Johnny Peterson's basement and you threw up all over his coffee table?
00:38:53Oh, yes.
00:38:55I told his mom I was sick with the flu.
00:38:57Did not have the heart to tell her that we got into his dad's liquor.
00:39:00Yeah, I drank you under the table that night.
00:39:02What?
00:39:03I'm just saying, you are kind of a lightweight.
00:39:06Oh, really?
00:39:07Really.
00:39:08Really.
00:39:10Really.
00:39:12Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Sip or Strip.
00:39:16The rules are simple.
00:39:17You flip this coin and call it in the air.
00:39:19Get it right, you take a shot.
00:39:21Get it wrong, you remove an article of clothing and take a shot.
00:39:25Okay.
00:39:26If you pass out or end up naked, you're out.
00:39:29The last man...
00:39:31Uh...
00:39:32Poor woman...
00:39:34Standing...
00:39:35Wins the game.
00:39:36There are no prizes.
00:39:37This is simply a challenge to determine the better sex.
00:39:41Are you ready?
00:39:42Yeah!
00:39:43I said, are you fucking ready?
00:39:45Yeah!
00:39:46No!
00:39:47No!
00:39:48No!
00:39:49No!
00:39:50No!
00:39:51Good.
00:39:52Let the games begin.
00:39:53Go!
00:39:54Go!
00:39:55Oh, no!
00:39:56Go!
00:39:57Go!
00:39:59Go!
00:40:01Go!
00:40:03Go!
00:40:05Go!
00:40:06Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money makes no more sense.
00:40:12Before I see, I'm gonna see the very end that's hurting in the diet like that I'm a mastermind.
00:40:19I've been working so long, so long for someone else.
00:40:26I've been thinking it's about to not be working for myself.
00:40:32We sweat and sleep and celebrate, our lives the way, our lives are paid.
00:40:39The rent, the car, the food, the bar, the rainy days till the next day we get paid.
00:40:53Tail, tail, tail, tail!
00:40:55Do it!
00:40:59Do it!
00:41:00Shake it off!
00:41:01Do it!
00:41:03Come on!
00:41:04Get me on my feet in some despair.
00:41:07I'm looking so long, so long for someone else.
00:41:14I've been thinking it's about time I'll be working for myself.
00:41:20We sweat and sleep and sell and trade, our lives the way, our lives to pay.
00:41:27The rent, the car, the food, the bar, the rainy days till the next day we get paid.
00:41:35I'm so beating you right now.
00:41:58Alright then, let's finish this.
00:41:59Heads.
00:42:00Easy now.
00:42:09I want a rematch.
00:42:14Okay, lie back.
00:42:15Because you're very, very drunk right now.
00:42:32We can't do this.
00:43:02I always say to keep you hanging.
00:43:07I am.
00:43:09I'm what I wanna be.
00:43:11You are.
00:43:13You're just a fantasy and we are.
00:43:17Please hiding this time around.
00:43:22Hey.
00:43:24I'm gonna be an artist.
00:43:27Like, wait.
00:43:29So, what's this time?
00:43:56What am I doing here?
00:43:57How did I get here?
00:43:58You pay?
00:44:08What the hell is going on here?
00:44:11Exactly what I said would happen when one of your boys crossed the line.
00:44:14What? Nobody.
00:44:15I found them with a few of my girls in their rooms.
00:44:18Sounds pretty consensual to me.
00:44:20No.
00:44:21It sounds like you can inspire to get them drunk so you can take advantage of them.
00:44:24Oh, horseshit.
00:44:25You were there.
00:44:26I suggest you boys begin adhering to the rules.
00:44:30Otherwise, you'll all be looking for a new home.
00:44:37Kelly's gonna wipe us out if we don't get some help.
00:44:41I think I know just the person.
00:44:43I think I can do it right.
00:44:45I'm just a person.
00:44:46You, I'll see my video.
00:44:47You're just a person.
00:44:48This is a person.
00:44:49You're just a person.
00:44:50You're just a person.
00:44:54Here.
00:44:56Yo, who is that?
00:45:12That my boys, is my cousin Natalie.
00:45:15She's our inside man.
00:45:17Cameron, boys, I heard you need some help.
00:45:23Yeah, you have no idea.
00:45:24I can talk about the invasives.
00:45:28Come on baby, what about that?
00:45:33Oh my God.
00:45:38I'm busy Stephanie.
00:45:43He's busy.
00:45:45I don't give a rat's ass.
00:45:47Marshall, what the devil are you up to?
00:45:50Dean Bungalon.
00:45:52I'm not quite sure what you're referring to.
00:45:55Alpha house?
00:45:56You're trying to launch some kind of co-ed program?
00:45:59Yes, yes.
00:46:00The first of its kind in the state in fact.
00:46:03Very progressive and certainly within my remit as associate dean.
00:46:08But I hear that it has resulted in the ejection of some students from the fraternity.
00:46:13Yes, it's unfortunate but necessary.
00:46:15My ass.
00:46:16I cannot for the life of me figure out why you would think it's a good idea to put a bunch
00:46:21of sexed up young adults under one roof.
00:46:24What did you think was going to happen?
00:46:26The benefits of the program far outweigh the risks.
00:46:29Making the Greek system co-ed fosters unity between the genders and offers for a more cohesive living situation.
00:46:38But no fraternization with the opposite sex?
00:46:41You're suppressing their natural urges.
00:46:43Hell, when I was an alpha was...
00:46:45Yes, yes.
00:46:46We all know about the old days when you went Greek, sir.
00:46:50The point is, students come to Sterling College to learn and to have fun.
00:46:56Not to be put into some social experiment.
00:46:58I appreciate your concern, sir.
00:47:00I don't know what your end game is, Marshal, but if I get a call that says that this little
00:47:06plan of yours went tits up, it's your ass, not mine.
00:47:11Tits up my ass.
00:47:13Got it.
00:47:15Will there be anything else, sir?
00:47:18No.
00:47:19Carry on with, um, whatever it is you're doing here.
00:47:31Ladies, this is Natalie.
00:47:33She just transferred to Sterling.
00:47:35So please make her feel at home.
00:47:37Hi, Natalie.
00:47:38Hey.
00:47:39I'm Emily.
00:47:40I'm Allison.
00:47:41Hi.
00:47:42I'm Allison.
00:47:52I'm Allison.
00:47:54I'm Michael.
00:47:55She just was wrong.
00:47:56It's all done.
00:47:57I'm Michael.
00:47:59That's all.
00:48:00I'm Michael.
00:48:01He's Michael.
00:48:03Rich and tough, fucking smart
00:48:06He's better than you are
00:48:17A bigger dick, a faster cost
00:48:19Sympathized, smoothed lies
00:48:22He works at wireless
00:48:24But there's the entire list
00:48:25Supersized
00:48:27Don't you wanna be wise enough
00:48:31Don't you wanna be rich and tough
00:48:35Fast and smart
00:48:36Cool and out of reach
00:48:40Congratulations, you're the top of the heap
00:48:45You get results that we can save
00:48:51Here's some flotation
00:48:54Cause you're drowning your head
00:48:58Take a big whet
00:49:01We'll see
00:49:02You suck worse than me
00:49:06Well, he's a five-year planter
00:49:12Skyloft and a warmer ladder
00:49:14Take this
00:49:15He's here
00:49:17He hates his family when
00:49:19He's been to effortland twice
00:49:21Twice
00:49:22Don't you wanna be wise enough
00:49:26Don't you wanna be wise enough
00:49:29But there's no yellow in heaven
00:49:33Say
00:49:34Congratulations, you're the top of the heap
00:49:40You get results that we can save
00:49:45Here's some flotation
00:49:49Cause you're drowning your head
00:49:52Take a big whet
00:49:54You're safe
00:49:57You suck!
00:49:59You're the king of douchebags and disease
00:50:15Yeah
00:50:16You suck worse than you got
00:50:20Five or three
00:50:22Any progress with Kelly?
00:50:27No progress there
00:50:28That girl is rab-tider than a condom on P.O. Nord's dick
00:50:31Just keep trying to break that hymen, okay?
00:50:33If you see any opportunity to take some leverage, take it
00:50:36Roger that
00:50:37Love you, cousin
00:50:39I need you to do some research for me
00:50:48I think we have a double agent in our midst
00:50:50Find out everything you can about that new girl, Natalie
00:50:53I'm on it
00:50:54Time to turn up the heat
00:50:57Oh, no, no, no, no, no, okay?
00:51:06Not in here
00:51:08This is our basement, okay?
00:51:11This is our territory
00:51:11Haven't you ever heard of burlesque or size?
00:51:24Okay, but
00:51:24Like, like five minutes
00:51:38Guess, we gotta do something right
00:51:40Better do it tonight
00:51:41Otherwise, I love what we're shining bright
00:51:43We're keeping our vibe tight
00:51:44You shine like a neon light
00:51:46Just tell me what we're doing tonight
00:51:47Tonight
00:51:48Tonight
00:51:49We can make a ten
00:52:05Good
00:52:07Good
00:52:12I
00:52:13Good
00:52:14I
00:52:15I
00:52:15It
00:52:16I
00:52:17I
00:52:17I
00:52:18I
00:52:19I
00:52:19I
00:52:19I
00:52:21I
00:52:21Save me, save me, save me
00:52:39Save me, save me
00:52:42Soon I'm not
00:53:12Don't stop, don't stop
00:53:42Save me, save me
00:53:48Save me, save me
00:53:52Save me, save me
00:53:55Save me, save me
00:54:02Save me, save me
00:54:04Right there goes sexy
00:54:06yeah
00:54:07Woo
00:54:11Oh, I think I want more.
00:54:18Right.
00:54:19Yeah, baby.
00:54:21There we go.
00:54:23That's me.
00:54:31Oh, shit.
00:54:33Ouch.
00:54:34What is going on in here?
00:54:38Hmm.
00:54:43So close.
00:54:46Dude, we should all just leave the house, okay?
00:54:49We're dropping like flies.
00:54:51Yeah, I wish I could get out of here.
00:54:53What's going on in here?
00:54:55What's going on in here?
00:54:58Hmm.
00:54:59So close.
00:55:02Dude, we should all just leave the house, okay?
00:55:05We're dropping like flies.
00:55:07Y'all wish I could get Allison and drop her pants.
00:55:10Y'all better cool this like fine china.
00:55:12Dude, now you're just being creepy.
00:55:14Guys, we can do this.
00:55:17We're alphas, for Christ's sake.
00:55:19Alright, we'll wear them down.
00:55:21You'll see.
00:55:22Um, you okay?
00:55:36We're not going to make it.
00:55:37Not with you girls walking around the house flunting our goods.
00:55:39Flunting our goods?
00:55:41We're not built to defend against this.
00:55:42It's like you're actually trying to get us tossed out.
00:55:49All I ever wanted was to be an alpha.
00:55:51What are you doing?
00:56:06Splunting my goods.
00:56:08What the most?
00:56:14Oh, shiva!
00:56:18Boop!
00:56:19Bling!
00:56:20Let it burn your eyes.
00:56:21Chiva!
00:56:23God has sought the skies.
00:56:24Chiva boom!
00:56:25On these wings he will rise.
00:56:29Let the smoke between us friends
00:56:31Let us tie up any loose ends
00:56:34Shiver boom
00:56:39Feeling better?
00:56:41Uh, yeah.
00:56:46I need to tell you something.
00:56:49You're right about us.
00:56:52Kelly is trying to take over Alpha House
00:56:54and turn it into a sorority.
00:56:56What?
00:56:57How?
00:56:59It's something called Provision 13.
00:57:03It states that if the ratio of either gender falls below 40%,
00:57:06the gender that has the majority has control.
00:57:10That's why you guys have been getting kicked out,
00:57:12so that we have the majority.
00:57:15We've been playing you the entire time.
00:57:21I'm sorry.
00:57:27Oh, you asshole!
00:57:36You crossed enemy lines!
00:57:37I can't believe you're fucking her!
00:57:39Smell any!
00:57:40Of all of them!
00:57:41It was just one!
00:57:42And a half.
00:57:44Okay.
00:57:47Look.
00:57:48I am sorry that I punched you.
00:57:51But you fucking deserved it.
00:57:52You know that?
00:57:53I know.
00:57:54Shit!
00:57:56Shit!
00:57:58So what do we do now, huh?
00:57:59Big guy?
00:58:02I have an idea.
00:58:03All right.
00:58:04Sneaking to Dean Marshall's office.
00:58:05We tried whatever we can about this Provision 13 bullshit
00:58:06and we used it against the girls.
00:58:07Okay.
00:58:08Shit!
00:58:09Security!
00:58:10Go!
00:58:11Go!
00:58:12Go!
00:58:13What are you doing?
00:58:15Okay, let's do this.
00:58:16Quick in, quick out.
00:58:17Thank you, Mom.
00:58:18Dick.
00:58:19Okay.
00:58:20Okay.
00:58:21Let's do this.
00:58:22Quick in, quick out.
00:58:23Thank you, Mom.
00:58:24Dick.
00:58:26Okay.
00:58:27Okay.
00:58:28Okay, let's do this, quick in, quick out, like your mom, dick.
00:58:41Okay.
00:58:44You finding anything?
00:58:47No.
00:58:48Do, do, do, do, do, do, check it out.
00:58:53What?
00:58:57Got it.
00:58:58Alright, now let's rub our balls all over his office.
00:59:01Dip's on his phone.
00:59:04Shit.
00:59:06Shit.
00:59:07I want you to fuck me on my freak boss's desk.
00:59:15Treat me like a fat girl.
00:59:20Oh, you're such a freak when we did it in Marshall's office.
00:59:26Enjoy it while it's your baby.
00:59:28Marshall's got his eye on a dean position at Virgin Mary College.
00:59:32Prestigious, expensive, and all girls.
00:59:36Why do you think he came up with that freak idea?
00:59:39To co-ed all the fraternities.
00:59:41He had to show his commitment to women's issues in order to seal the deal.
00:59:46Marshall's such a fucking freak.
00:59:49He only wants that job so that he can flirt with college girls.
00:59:53Flip.
00:59:55Gentlemen, we are not going to sit idly by and watch our beloved fraternity be stolen from beneath our feet.
01:00:07From this night forward, we do everything in our powers to stop the advancement of Kelly and the muggy dick lover we know as Associate Dean Douchebag.
01:00:14How?
01:00:15Well, uh, enough with the drawings. Just tell them the plan.
01:00:20First, we vow not to touch the poon.
01:00:24So keep it in your pants.
01:00:26Then, we beat those lying, disingenuous, fraudulent, mendacious, perfidious dhors at their own game.
01:00:37Who's with us?
01:00:44Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Brief Charity Days, where all proceeds earned by students are donated to the charity of every fraternity and sororities joint.
01:00:59Hmm.
01:01:00Yeah, not exactly the turnout I was expecting, but it's still not pretty shitty.
01:01:07Yeah, actually, yeah.
01:01:11The, uh, girls seem to be doing pretty well.
01:01:15Suspiciously well.
01:01:17Come get your kisses!
01:01:19Yes!
01:01:28Dude, give me $10.
01:01:30Dude, stop it!
01:01:31Alright?
01:01:32Hey, everyone!
01:01:33Ooh, look!
01:01:34Give money to Chair Titty Day!
01:01:40Oh, are you gonna squirt me with your big gun?
01:01:44That'll be $75.
01:01:46Thanks.
01:01:50Think you can squirt?
01:01:59Dude, we are in trouble, man.
01:02:01Big trouble.
01:02:03Zach!
01:02:04Uh, Zach?
01:02:05Zach who?
01:02:06Oh, come on, Cameron.
01:02:08Oh, Zach!
01:02:11He's not here.
01:02:12Did you see it?
01:02:14Really?
01:02:15You're that pissed at me?
01:02:18Uh, he says that you liked him and that he was bad at the sex.
01:02:21Oh!
01:02:22What did you expect me to do?
01:02:23I'm trying to fit in, be a part of the group, just like you.
01:02:26You would have done the same thing.
01:02:28Probably already have.
01:02:30He says he has nothing else to say to you.
01:02:33Well, I have nothing else to say to him either.
01:02:35Dude, she's cute.
01:02:36We need to figure something out.
01:02:37We need to figure this.
01:02:38Decent body, too.
01:02:39We need to get serious.
01:02:40Hey, I have a question.
01:02:41Sir, do you think I could like...
01:02:42Cam?
01:02:44You like her?
01:02:45Shut up.
01:02:46You likes Melanie!
01:02:47I fucking knew it!
01:02:53Hey, guys.
01:02:54Zach likes Melanie.
01:02:55Okay, you get one more of those and I swear to Christ, I'm going to punch you right in the gooch.
01:02:59What you got?
01:03:03Almost finished.
01:03:04Check it out.
01:03:05Nice!
01:03:06And the website?
01:03:07Ready to roll!
01:03:12Five bucks a day?
01:03:13Keeps the blue balls away.
01:03:15Make it ten.
01:03:17We're getting creamed out there.
01:03:19Ten it is!
01:03:21Come back time.
01:03:22I know that Kelly is into this whole empowerment thing, but I kind of just want to rage and get some dick, you know?
01:03:39Shit.
01:03:40I mean, that's what Eric Costs must be all about, right?
01:03:42I totally agree.
01:03:47Hey, Renee, can you move to the right a bit?
01:03:51Why?
01:03:52I wanted to get a better look at your bra. It's really nice.
01:03:57You think so?
01:03:58Yeah, can I see it?
01:04:00Yeah.
01:04:01I finally slurged and got myself some new ones.
01:04:05Here you go.
01:04:06Oh, perfecto!
01:04:09It is nice.
01:04:10Mm-hmm.
01:04:12I love your cousin.
01:04:13Touch her and I'll kill you, man.
01:04:15Literally.
01:04:17It's cute.
01:04:18It would get me dick.
01:04:19Oh, it definitely would.
01:04:23Nice job, boys.
01:04:25We have a problem.
01:04:26Camera seven is offline.
01:04:28Which one is that?
01:04:29It's the one in K2's room.
01:04:30Oh, shit.
01:04:31You think she found it?
01:04:32I don't know.
01:04:33If she did, she'd be in here cutting our dicks off, right?
01:04:36Wouldn't she?
01:04:37Oh, fuck.
01:04:38Dude, so how much have you made so far?
01:04:39$12,000.
01:04:40What?
01:04:41Yeah, and that's just the first day, dude.
01:04:42I'm telling you.
01:04:43Zach, if we keep going like this, we're going to be able to buy our own fraternity.
01:04:44Hey, February!
01:04:45Dude, that's like the third time that's happened to me today.
01:04:46What?
01:04:47Called you February?
01:04:48Yeah, weird, right?
01:04:49Yeah.
01:04:50Hello, boys.
01:04:51Dude, so how much have we made so far?
01:05:00$12,000.
01:05:01What?
01:05:01Yeah, and that's just the first day, dude.
01:05:03I'm telling you, Zach, if we keep going like this,
01:05:05we're going to be able to buy our own fraternity.
01:05:07Hey, February!
01:05:08Dude, that's like the third time that's happened to me today.
01:05:10What?
01:05:11Called you February?
01:05:12Yeah, weird, right?
01:05:13Yeah.
01:05:14Hello, boys.
01:05:17Ladies, would you like your copy's autograph?
01:05:18Ladies, there's plenty of me to go around.
01:05:23Now, exactly what am I autographing?
01:05:25This.
01:05:27Oh, shit!
01:05:28What happened to my dick?
01:05:30I know, I'm so sorry.
01:05:32This is not what I look like.
01:05:33This is not what I look like.
01:05:34I have a friend who's really good at photo editing.
01:05:36Give me that.
01:05:41Mine's crooked!
01:05:42Actually, it's a perfect right angle.
01:05:44My dick does not look like this.
01:05:46Dude, calm down.
01:05:47No.
01:05:48No, I will not calm down.
01:05:50I need the world to know that I do not have a goddamn 90-degree penis.
01:05:54In fact, I am going to show everybody.
01:05:56Dude, keep your pants on.
01:05:57Nope.
01:05:57I'm going to prove it right now to everybody.
01:05:58This is not over.
01:05:59Not yet.
01:06:00Come on.
01:06:00I want to show up.
01:06:01No.
01:06:02Kelly.
01:06:03What's wrong?
01:06:04I've got that research you asked for on Natalie.
01:06:07Cousins!
01:06:07Cousins!
01:06:07Cousins!
01:06:20Leverage.
01:06:34Kelly, are you there, you bad, bad girl?
01:06:43What are you guys doing here?
01:06:47We got the note from Kelly, she said she wanted to party.
01:06:50Shit, we've been set up.
01:06:52Come on, we have to get out of here.
01:06:54Oh, my God!
01:06:56What are you doing in my room?
01:06:58With drugs!
01:07:00And fetish wear!
01:07:02I told you they were out of control.
01:07:06Well, Dean Bungalon,
01:07:08I think you'll agree there really is no choice here.
01:07:16I agree.
01:07:18Gentlemen.
01:07:20Madame.
01:07:22You're out.
01:07:24Dude.
01:07:26Well, that's it then.
01:07:28Without these two, the guys have less than 40%.
01:07:30And even without Miss Lady Payne here,
01:07:32we've still got the majority.
01:07:34Alpha House is ours!
01:07:36You know, it didn't have to be this way.
01:07:44We could have changed Sterling College for the better.
01:07:48We could have found a way to live together as equals.
01:07:52But instead, you had to sow the seeds of discontent.
01:07:58And you know what happened?
01:08:00You wreaked the fucking whirlwind!
01:08:04That's what happened!
01:08:06Oh.
01:08:08You're sexy when you're megalomaniacal.
01:08:12Laugh it up, Frodo.
01:08:14But tonight, I'll be sleeping in my nice, warm bed.
01:08:18In this very house.
01:08:20Where will you be sleeping?
01:08:22Oh, well, it's Tuesday,
01:08:24so that would be with your mom.
01:08:26Ah!
01:08:28Oh!
01:08:30Later, losers.
01:08:34Come on, ladies, let's go.
01:08:40I'm really sorry, boys.
01:08:42I wish there was something I could do.
01:08:44Yeah, yeah, me too.
01:08:46But, um, unfortunately, my hands are tied.
01:08:48Yeah, I'm sure.
01:08:50Come on, guys.
01:09:04I brought all the paperwork to officially turn Alpha House into the Delta Pi Sorority.
01:09:14All you have to do is sign right here.
01:09:20Is there something wrong?
01:09:22I'm afraid we are going in a different direction.
01:09:26You see, the co-ed fraternity project was meant to
01:09:30showcase how Sterling College fosters productive interaction between
01:09:33the genders.
01:09:35I'm sure you'll agree it was an unmitigated disaster.
01:09:39I don't understand.
01:09:40What about Provision 13?
01:09:41Give you the fraternity.
01:09:43Oh, I don't know.
01:09:45Why don't I also open up a brothel?
01:09:51After what you girls did?
01:09:53Oh, I don't think so.
01:09:55I did what you told me to do.
01:09:57Hm?
01:09:58Can you prove that?
01:10:01Oh!
01:10:02I don't think so.
01:10:03You have 24 hours to vacate Alpha House.
01:10:11That is all.
01:10:12We need to talk.
01:10:22Alpha is no longer a fraternity.
01:10:23Yeah, no shit.
01:10:24You made sure of that, Cruella de Vil.
01:10:25We were just following Marshall's orders.
01:10:26He told me you wanted to show how he was this big supporter of female empowerment by turning the most sexist fraternity on campus into a sorority.
01:10:38But in the end, he just wanted to shut it down.
01:10:39And he used us to do it.
01:10:40Wait, shut it down?
01:10:41Completely.
01:10:42Abandoned.
01:10:43Boarded up.
01:10:44We're just as homeless as you are now.
01:10:45I know that I don't deserve this.
01:10:46That we don't deserve this after what we did.
01:10:47But we can't just sit back and watch Alpha House disappear.
01:10:48What?
01:10:49We?
01:10:50We?
01:10:51Yes, we.
01:10:52That dick we needs to get what's coming to him.
01:10:53Nobody crosses Kelly Dorothy Kramer.
01:10:54I'm Dorothy.
01:10:55Shut up!
01:10:56Now are you going to help us get Alpha House back or what?
01:10:58Hmm, I don't know.
01:10:59You did already break our trust once.
01:11:00Please.
01:11:01We'll do anything.
01:11:02Anything?
01:11:03No, I don't know.
01:11:04What is it?
01:11:05I know.
01:11:06I'm in the middle of the little, but I don't know.
01:11:07I'm in the middle of the night.
01:11:08I'm in the middle of the night.
01:11:09I'm in the middle of the night, but it's not just the thing that we don't deserve this
01:11:11after what we did.
01:11:12But we can't just sit back and watch Alpha House disappear.
01:11:14What, we?
01:11:15We?
01:11:16Yes, we.
01:11:17That dick we needs to get what's coming to him.
01:11:18Nobody crosses Kelly Dorothy Kramer.
01:11:20Dorothy.
01:11:21Shut up!
01:11:22Now are you going to help us get Alpha House back or what?
01:11:24I don't know.
01:11:25You did already break our trust once.
01:11:26Looking good, ladies.
01:11:43We're in.
01:11:44Admin building, 2 p.m.
01:11:45And don't feel the need to change on account of us, okay?
01:11:48I'm sorry, but there's absolutely nothing I can do
01:11:57to overturn Associate Dean Marshall's decision.
01:11:59What about the Alpha Creed?
01:12:00Yeah, once an Alpha, always an Alpha.
01:12:03I really wish I could help you.
01:12:06Thank you, sir. We really appreciate your time.
01:12:11Of course, if Marshall was to lose his position
01:12:14with the administration,
01:12:15all of his policies would be reviewed.
01:12:19Wait a minute.
01:12:20Are you saying that if we get Dean Marshall
01:12:21kicked out of the college
01:12:22that we might be able to get Alpha House back?
01:12:24Well, the reason for his dismissal
01:12:26would have to be something pretty effing dishonorable.
01:12:30Something so scandalous
01:12:31that the college would disown all of his decisions
01:12:34just to distance itself from him.
01:12:37Dishonorable.
01:12:39Scandalous.
01:12:40We'll do it.
01:12:42Of course, this conversation never happened.
01:12:45Of course.
01:12:47Thank you, Dean.
01:12:51Once an Alpha, always an Alpha.
01:12:55Cameron, you take a team into Marshall's office.
01:12:58Place cameras here, here, and here.
01:13:00Roger that.
01:13:01Once you're in, be fast.
01:13:03In and out.
01:13:04But make sure the cameras are invisible, undetectable.
01:13:06We need full coverage.
01:13:08Go, go, go.
01:13:09Right there.
01:13:09Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
01:13:12Come on, let's go.
01:13:14Whatever he does in that office, we need to see it.
01:13:16What do you think we'll find?
01:13:17I don't know, but based on what his assistant said,
01:13:19probably some freaky ass shit.
01:13:33Did he just ask to get fucked in the ass
01:13:36by a chick wearing a squirrel costume?
01:13:37Yeah, I think so.
01:13:39I think I just picked in my mouth a little.
01:13:40What are we going to do with all this intel
01:13:42after we gather it?
01:13:44We bait the trap.
01:13:49Good morning, Stephanie.
01:13:50Nice to see you working.
01:13:56What is this?
01:14:03Oh, oh, oh, oh, my.
01:14:10I'm, uh, going to lunch.
01:14:15Whatever.
01:14:33What's the password?
01:14:34Acorn!
01:14:36Acorn!
01:14:36Acorn!
01:14:36Acorn!
01:14:39Hello?
01:14:39Anyone here?
01:14:49Um, Miss Furry Double Stuff?
01:14:52Hold on.
01:14:53Make yourself at home.
01:14:54Wow, I, uh, I knew you had a lot of stuff, but, um, oh.
01:15:11This is so disgusting.
01:15:13I think you mean this is so awesome.
01:15:15Isn't this what you wanted, Mr. Rosenbush?
01:15:22Oh, sweet little Jesus weeps.
01:15:24Um, please, uh, call me Tiger.
01:15:27His poor name is Tiger Rosenbush?
01:15:32That's better than mine.
01:15:33Moki McKinley.
01:15:33See, K2, what you do...
01:15:34I know how it works.
01:15:34And, no, I'm not gonna tell you my name.
01:15:37No, I'm not gonna tell you my name.
01:15:46I'm gonna tell you my name.
01:15:46I'm gonna tell you all.
01:15:51I know how it works.
01:15:53how it works, and no, I'm not gonna tell you my name.
01:15:59Okay, tiger.
01:16:10Take your pants off.
01:16:12Okay, right away, Ms. Dulles, stop.
01:16:19Okay, okay, okay, okay, almost there.
01:16:23Ugh.
01:16:26Boxer briefs.
01:16:28Oh, I can never make up my mind.
01:16:31Lose them.
01:16:39Where is it?
01:16:41That's it, isn't it?
01:16:42No, no, no, no, that's a smudge.
01:16:44Oh.
01:16:46Mama squirrel loves nuts.
01:16:50Oh, you do.
01:16:52Bark like a dog.
01:16:54What?
01:16:55Bark.
01:16:57Louder.
01:16:58Yeah, like a pussycat.
01:17:04And what does the cow say?
01:17:07The cow says moo.
01:17:08The cow says moo.
01:17:10Are you ready, tiger?
01:17:14It's great!
01:17:16Oh, my God.
01:17:18Is she going to...
01:17:22Yes, she is!
01:17:23I am honored to be speaking in front of you today.
01:17:37I am particularly grateful to Provost Elias and the other Virgin Mary administrators for making time in the very busy schedules to be here today. Thank you.
01:17:45Throughout my tenure at Sterling College, I'm most proud of how I fought for equal gender rights, although I did not achieve the level of success I had hoped with my most recent project.
01:18:00The rehabilitation of Sterling College's most notorious and disrespected fraternity.
01:18:09I swear to you, on my nanny's graves, I will continue the gender fight until I have serviced the needs of every female student.
01:18:18That is so gross.
01:18:20It is in that spirit...
01:18:21...that I proffer my resignation as Associate Dean of Sterling College...
01:18:26You guys ready?
01:18:27...and accept the position of Dean of Virgin Mary University.
01:18:33Drop it.
01:18:35Like it's hot.
01:18:36Roll it.
01:18:43Provost Elias, I so look forward to bringing my personal style to Virgin Mary.
01:18:46...as well as inserting my rigid ethics into the lives of your most...
01:18:51That's him, right?
01:18:52Yeah, that's him.
01:18:54Now, time for questions and for talking.
01:18:57What is... I'm sorry, but hello.
01:19:00No, no, this is, that is not me.
01:19:03That is, that is, that is, it's photoshopped, people.
01:19:06Thanks for coming.
01:19:08Can we turn this off, please?
01:19:10Please, somebody, tell me, which one does it?
01:19:13Where are my cousins turning off?
01:19:16I'm scared of food!
01:19:18Wait, no, wait, no, please don't, no, no, no, please.
01:19:21It's not me.
01:19:23Say, my friend, you don't understand that we thought you were.
01:19:27There's no place for you at Virgin Mary College after all.
01:19:30Sorry, sorry.
01:19:31Wait a minute, you can't.
01:19:33Tiger Rosenbush?
01:19:35I...
01:19:37Hey, get a good copy of that.
01:19:39Great job.
01:19:44Out the house!
01:19:50Today, we re-enter an elite brotherhood.
01:19:55And sisterhood.
01:19:57Are we ready to uphold the traditions of this fraternity?
01:20:00Fraternity?
01:20:02I mean, fraterna sorority.
01:20:06If you are, let me hear you say, yeah.
01:20:09Yeah!
01:20:11And do we pledge, no matter what, to never let her hallowed halls fall silent.
01:20:16To never let the kegs go dry.
01:20:19And to never, ever, let the party die.
01:20:23If you're with me and let me hear you say, fuck yeah!
01:20:28Fuck yeah!
01:20:29Fuck yeah!
01:20:36Welcome back to the 24-hour party machine!
01:20:41We're not back in five minutes. I'm putting my clothes back on.
01:20:59I have to say, when I told you guys to find some dirt, I wasn't expecting this.
01:21:05Well, sir, it was a full team effort.
01:21:07Without everybody involved, never would have happened.
01:21:15I have some fond memories of this place.
01:21:18Throwing back brews, bang and tang.
01:21:21Hell, I was the alpha male.
01:21:24Three years running.
01:21:26Sometimes wish I could come back.
01:21:29Sir, you're always welcome back.
01:21:31Once an alpha, always an alpha.
01:21:32I may just take you up on that.
01:21:37Marty, get over here.
01:21:39Tracy is showing us what she learned in Mexico while standing, dude.
01:21:43Come on!
01:21:44Excuse us!
01:21:45Okay.
01:21:49Have a great party.
01:21:50Thank you, sir.
01:21:54You know, I was thinking...
01:21:56Were you?
01:21:57Yeah, I was thinking we could, uh...
01:22:01You know...
01:22:02Again.
01:22:03Unless, you know, you're still mad at me.
01:22:05Let's go.
01:22:06Okay.
01:22:07Woo!
01:22:08Excuse me, girl!
01:22:17Don't slam the door in my face.
01:22:18Why shouldn't I?
01:22:19Uh, because I...
01:22:21I brought you these.
01:22:27You wanna come in?
01:22:29Sure.
01:22:37So, what do you want?
01:22:39Uh...
01:22:40I just...
01:22:42I know you don't like me very much, but since we're officially now roommates...
01:22:46Housemates.
01:22:47Right.
01:22:48Uh, I figured that we should start fresh.
01:22:53K2, look, I know I can be a bit of an asshole, but...
01:22:56Cameron.
01:22:57I think that if you got to know me a little more that we might be able to...
01:22:59Cameron!
01:23:00Yeah.
01:23:01Turn around.
01:23:09Bangarang.
01:23:11You're an asshole.
01:23:13President asshole.
01:23:15But I don't hate you.
01:23:17No, apparently not.
01:23:20Sadie Salterre.
01:23:22Uh, what?
01:23:24My porn name.
01:23:26And that's what I want you to call me for the rest of the night.
01:23:29Sadie Salterre.
01:23:31Anything you say, Miss Salterre.
01:23:41Bangarang.
01:23:42Hey, little squirrel.
01:23:43You want a nut, little guy?
01:23:44You want a nut?
01:23:45You want a nut?
01:23:46You want a nut?
01:23:47You want a nut?
01:23:48You want a nut?
01:23:49You want a nut?
01:23:51You want a nut?
01:23:52You want a nut?
01:23:53You want a nut?
01:23:54You want a nut?
01:23:55You want a nut?
01:23:56You want a nut?
01:23:57You want a nut?
01:23:58You want a nut?
01:23:59You want a nut?
01:24:00You want a nut?
01:24:01You want a nut?
01:24:02You want a nut?
01:24:03You want a nut?
01:24:04You want a nut?
01:24:05You want a nut?
01:24:06You want a nut?
01:24:07You want a nut?
01:24:08You want a nut?
01:24:09You patchouli-drenched Birkenstock piece of poop?
01:24:10I'll get your nut.
01:24:11Oh, hey.
01:24:12Here's a nut.
01:24:13Have a nut.
01:24:14Whoa, whoa.
01:24:15Huh?
01:24:16Would you like another nut?
01:24:17Here's a nut.
01:24:18Here's another nut.
01:24:19What the fuck?
01:24:20What's wrong?
01:24:21What the fuck?
01:24:22What's wrong?
01:24:23Don't you like my nuts?
01:24:24Here!
01:24:25You can't handle my nuts!
01:24:26Take my nuts!
01:24:27Where's the fucking squirrel?
01:24:30Get over here!
01:24:31God damn you little fucker!
01:24:35I see you!
01:24:37Can I?
01:24:38I want this!
01:24:39I want this!
01:24:40I want this!
01:24:41I want this!
01:24:42I want this!
01:24:43I want this!
01:24:44I want this!
01:24:45I want this!
01:24:46I want this!
01:24:47I want this!
01:24:48I want this!
01:24:49I want this!
01:24:50I want this!
01:24:51I want this!
01:24:52I want this!
01:24:53Just enough to get through
01:24:57But that's not fair
01:24:59I guess it's cause we're from 1989
01:25:10We can go on and on and on
01:25:15Just pretend it's not true
01:25:18Oh no!
01:25:19And if we fall, we fall
01:25:24Well I get to see what we do
01:25:28Oh no!
01:25:30I got no hope, no, no
01:25:32I don't think she'll dance with me
01:25:41It's okay!
01:25:42It's okay!
01:25:43Cause that red lipstick is just ugly
01:25:53I've been so trying for you
01:26:01It's okay
01:26:02We're never wanting it all
01:26:05Just enough to get through
01:26:11But that's not fair
01:26:13I guess it's cause we're from 1989
01:26:1889
01:26:19Yeah!
01:26:20Yeah!
01:26:21Yeah!
01:26:22Yeah!
01:26:23Yeah!
01:26:24Yeah!
01:26:25Yeah!
01:26:26We can go on and on
01:26:55And I'll just pretend it's not true
01:26:59Oh no, I'll take it back
01:27:04You're the only one who can do what you do
01:27:25Oh no, I'll take it back
01:27:55I'll take it back
01:28:25I'll take it back
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