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FunTranscript
00:00I wouldn't tell you.
00:04Maybe you could explain to me what it is that you've committed us to.
00:09So it's not going to be like a speed dating thing.
00:12What's it called?
00:13I don't know. It's like Vegas Girls or something like that.
00:16You're nervous.
00:17Well, because dating is weird.
00:20Dating is weird.
00:21I really have no idea what we've gotten into.
00:24We're just going to have fun, and if I meet somebody, cool.
00:30After the Sella Coyote Pass, I was disappointed.
00:34I've been saying embarrassed, but the real factor is that I felt ashamed.
00:40I'm in North Carolina right now.
00:42I'm traveling here to meet with Janelle.
00:47It's an effort to just say, have a great...
00:51I don't even know how to say it.
00:53I don't even know what to say, really.
00:56I was hurt, and I was angry, and I was betrayed,
00:59and I wanted to...
01:00I had a feeling of, let's get even.
01:03I'm on the right path.
01:05I'm looking forward to laying it all out bare with what I've done.
01:10I'm in North Carolina.
01:18I'm on the left.
01:20I'm out there.
01:21Do we have to do this?
01:47I don't think we've gotten ourselves into it.
01:48Do we have to?
01:49So Amber and I came to Vegas.
01:51We came for this speed dating type event.
01:54Hello, ladies.
01:56Hello.
01:57Hi.
01:57Are you guys ready to find love?
01:59Yes, actually.
02:01So this is kind of like a speed dating type event
02:04at a golf location and kind of like a bar area.
02:09Hopefully there's about an equal amount of girls and guys.
02:11I haven't seen that yet, but maybe it'll happen.
02:14OK.
02:15So you're going to scan the QR code.
02:16OK.
02:16It'll have you fill out a questionnaire.
02:19So around 845 or so, we'll break you into some smaller groups.
02:23And then it'll do another countdown.
02:25And you're going to get the match that it thinks is your best
02:27match based on the answers that you put into there.
02:28That's a really long time from now.
02:31Yes.
02:31So we're supposed to mingle with random people for over an hour.
02:35That's what the liquid courage is for.
02:36OK, got it.
02:37We're supposed to go far in here.
02:39Good call.
02:40Good call.
02:41I'm nervous.
02:42We both are.
02:43Not quite sure what to expect.
02:45We're just doing it.
02:47Here we go.
02:48Here we go.
02:49Now we have to answer these questions.
02:53OK.
02:54Flirting is a form of cheating.
02:56Yes.
02:57Strongly disagree, strongly agree.
03:00I agree.
03:01Yeah, I definitely think that if you're flirting with somebody
03:05and you're in a relationship, I mean,
03:07you shouldn't be doing that.
03:10I think flirting in a plural relationship is, like,
03:14you need to be careful with it.
03:15And you need to actually nurture all of your relationships
03:18if you're wanting to flirt with somebody
03:21in front of somebody else.
03:22If one wife is not secure and you're out there
03:26flirting with the other wife in front of her,
03:28that's just a road.
03:30You know, Cody was naturally warm
03:32and was naturally demonstrative.
03:36You know, that was just what it was.
03:39You know, it was plural marriage.
03:40It was what we were living.
03:41And I never thought it was a good idea to hide it anyway.
03:44But that was something they had established
03:47before I even came along.
03:49I mean, Cody always had little things
03:51that he would do that would, to flirt with us all,
03:53didn't, was normal, didn't bother me, yeah.
03:56He'd do a little wink or something, you know,
03:59and I guess sort of like a little flirt with us
04:02in front of each other.
04:03And it didn't really ever bother me.
04:04I mean, that's part of plural marriage.
04:08Everything pretty much was like,
04:10when you're with everybody, you're classy, you know,
04:12you didn't really do stuff like that.
04:14That's like, that'd be like a polygamous family killer,
04:17I would think, you know, to be all like that.
04:19Okay, next question's gonna be your favorite.
04:22I prefer kinky sex.
04:23Wait, wait.
04:26I, what?
04:27Yep.
04:31What'd you put?
04:33What'd you put?
04:33One.
04:36I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't know, but there's that.
04:39Okay.
04:40When you know, you would change your answer.
04:45I feel bad, because I know that these days,
04:48with dating, it's very complicated.
04:49It's not what it used to be, you know.
04:51The smartphone has just totally annihilated
04:53that whole thought process.
04:54I feel bad for people that are having
04:56to go through this process now.
04:59You're in, keep an eye on your text.
05:00When your host runs the algorithm,
05:02you'll get your match from this number.
05:04Yay.
05:06This is weird.
05:08Why?
05:09Where are we going?
05:10I don't know.
05:11I don't know, let's walk.
05:13I definitely go in with low expectations,
05:15and then, if something happens, great, you know.
05:19What about the guy there looking at his phone?
05:25Not for me, for you.
05:27No, I don't think so.
05:31I wanted to wait, you know,
05:33maybe not everybody was there yet.
05:34Maybe other people were gonna show up.
05:36There is this one guy here
05:38who's got his eye out for that girl.
05:40Yep.
05:41100%.
05:42I saw him walk in and he was like, yep.
05:44I know who I want.
05:48I mean, there's a decent amount of people.
05:51Definitely the majority are women.
05:53I was kind of hoping that there would be more men,
05:58and maybe more men that I would be interested in.
06:01But at the same time, like, this is what dating is about.
06:04This is dating.
06:06And I don't know if, I mean, I haven't dated since I was a teenager.
06:11But I think the dating scene is just kind of tough for,
06:15I think it's just tough all around.
06:17Are we just being party poopers?
06:19Maybe.
06:20Are we being too picky?
06:22Maybe.
06:24Are we, are we closed off?
06:28I see nobody of interest at all for me or for you.
06:32I don't either.
06:33I see nobody.
06:34I feel like I get to be picky.
06:40You know, and I get that, like, I'm not going to find, like,
06:42the perfect person that checks all the boxes.
06:46And I don't think the perfect person exists.
06:49But the perfect person for me exists.
06:50And that's, that's who I'm looking for.
06:53So I think I get to be picky.
07:10I'm here in North Carolina so that I can meet up with Janelle.
07:12And basically, I'm just following through with my plans for apology to my ex-wives.
07:19And I'm willing to accept that it might happen with rejection.
07:24And I might have to just do my best to stay the course.
07:27I don't want to fight.
07:28I just want to apologize.
07:34You know, since Cody first called me and said,
07:36I want to come meet with you, I thought, why?
07:39Like, I mean, why now?
07:41You know, and I think that was part of the reason I was like,
07:44well, I'll go see.
07:45I'm curious what you have to say, but is this going to be even for real?
07:49Hi.
07:50Hi.
07:51How are you?
07:52Good.
07:53Are you feeling healthy?
07:54Yeah, I am.
07:55Good, good.
07:56Nice to see you.
07:57Thanks for meeting with me.
07:58I appreciate it.
07:59Yeah.
08:00Thanks.
08:05I guess, you know, I saw Cody in person when we all met up at Coyote Pass and that was
08:09so awkward.
08:10We didn't really talk to each other.
08:11It was just awkward.
08:12Robin was there and that makes the dynamic really weird.
08:15Cody feels like he has to run interference and protect Robin and, like, I don't know,
08:19whatever.
08:20I don't know whatever.
08:21Like, it was so awkward and disjointed when we all met up at the property.
08:25And this is just he and I.
08:27There's no other outside parties.
08:28There's no politics.
08:30Have you eaten here before?
08:31I have.
08:32It's really good.
08:33Yeah?
08:34Awesome.
08:35Yeah.
08:36Yeah.
08:37So.
08:38Well, good choice then.
08:39Yeah, like, um, it's like people that I know.
08:41Oh, okay, cool.
08:42Like this place and so they recommended it.
08:43Okay, cool.
08:44And I'm like, when you said this, I'm like, okay, sure.
08:46Yeah.
08:47Sure.
08:48All right.
08:49The town, it's all quaint.
08:50I wore a jacket because I couldn't see the humidity assuming that it would be a little
08:54bit high.
08:55Yeah.
08:56But it seemed cold because all the weather was pretty cool.
08:58Yeah, we've had an unusual year.
08:59We have.
09:00Like it's cool.
09:01Yeah.
09:04So that's, that's great.
09:07Uh, this is so awkward, but even if you have to start out with the weather, you've got
09:14to start out with some conversation to break a little bit of ice.
09:17You can't just jump into something, especially as heavy as an apology.
09:21I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
09:30Cody contacted me and wants to have a conversation.
09:34I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
09:38I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
09:42There's no way I would ever do that again.
09:57This is the weirdest experience.
10:01You know what?
10:02Golfing has never been my thing, right?
10:04I mean, I've done mini golf and I think mini golf is a lot of fun.
10:07I don't know.
10:08I'm not good at golf.
10:09And so I'm not going to go up with a bunch of people that I'm not comfortable with and
10:12like do something that I look stupid doing either.
10:15So.
10:16Look.
10:17These dudes are pulling me.
10:18One, two, three, two.
10:21I'm not trying to discount my 30 years of marriage, but I know what I want and I know
10:32what I don't want based on experiences that I've had.
10:37I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
10:41We knew each other for six months at the time that we got married.
10:46You know, like we came from a religious culture that promoted that for sure.
10:51And so it was normal for us, but there's no way I would ever do that again.
10:57All right, everybody.
10:59It's the moment that you've all been waiting for.
11:03In a few seconds, you are about to get a text message to your phone.
11:08You will get your match.
11:11Woo!
11:12I, you know, it's, I think it's going to be interesting to see if they even match me with
11:18somebody just based on this questionnaire that maybe they will, maybe they won't.
11:23I don't know, but it doesn't feel like a speed dating event at all.
11:30Woo!
11:31Woo!
11:32Woo!
11:33Woo!
11:34Woo!
11:35Woo!
11:36Woo!
11:37Woo!
11:38Woo!
11:39Woo!
11:40Woo!
11:41Woo!
11:42Woo!
11:43Woo!
11:44Woo!
11:45Woo!
11:46Woo!
11:47Woo!
11:48Woo!
11:49Woo!
11:50Woo!
11:51Woo!
11:52Woo!
11:53Woo!
11:54Woo!
11:55Woo!
11:56Woo!
11:57Woo!
11:58Woo!
11:59Woo!
12:00Woo!
12:01Woo!
12:02Woo!
12:03Woo!
12:04Woo!
12:05Woo!
12:06Woo!
12:07Woo!
12:08Woo!
12:09Woo!
12:10Woo!
12:11Woo!
12:12Woo!
12:13Woo!
12:14Woo!
12:15Woo!
12:16Woo!
12:17It just is what it is.
12:21Matches are here.
12:31I didn't end up getting matched with anybody,
12:34and I'm okay with that because I didn't see anybody
12:37that I wanted to be matched with, so it was a win.
12:47Now we gracefully leave.
12:49Okay.
12:50I think we're out.
12:53No, I'm not disappointed.
12:55I think this is just the process.
12:57I think this is the game that I'm in right now,
12:59but I'm up for the adventure
13:01because I do want to find my person, you know?
13:07You know, they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,
13:10and I'm definitely leaving this experience here,
13:14and we'll just have to find a better version next time.
13:31We live where there's a pickleball court.
13:33Christine's like, let's go play.
13:35She thinks she can beat me.
13:37It's on.
13:39Hey, cheater, behind the line.
13:44You have dessert from here?
13:45Uh-huh.
13:46So pickleball's like this rage.
13:47It's this rage.
13:48It's easier than tennis, and it's not bad.
13:50It's okay.
13:51I've really honestly never played it before.
13:52I have tried so many different sports,
13:54and I'm terrible at all of them.
13:56All sports.
13:58You have sunglasses, you cheater.
14:00How is wearing sunglasses cheating knowing the elements?
14:04That's not cheating.
14:05That's preparing for battle.
14:07Out.
14:11So that was one point for you.
14:13One to me.
14:14You know why you're not good at this game?
14:16Why?
14:17Because you can't cheat.
14:18Oh, my God.
14:19You know what, ass ?
14:20I love to trash talk.
14:24Four.
14:26Do you have a hole in that pedal?
14:27Check it.
14:28Do you have a hole in your mouth?
14:29It gets in their head.
14:31Then they can't win, so if I'm cheating that way,
14:33hey, that's part of the game.
14:35No, I swear.
14:37David, go on!
14:40I hate sports.
14:41David can aim.
14:46I swear to the love, you're getting it now.
14:48Go get it.
14:49You get it.
14:50He can aim where he hits the ball,
14:51and he is hitting it out there on purpose
14:53because he likes to just get me worn out.
14:55That's his tactic.
14:56Who's the cheater now?
14:57Oh, that was out.
14:58No, that was it.
14:59Damn it to hell.
15:00David, can you go that way?
15:02Can you aim that way?
15:04Hey, I just know how to angle the ball
15:07right through that door opening there
15:08to let her go chase him.
15:10Good job, babe.
15:11Let's do the pump chest.
15:12Ready?
15:13That hurts.
15:16David won.
15:17David won.
15:18No one is surprised.
15:19He's never played pickleball either,
15:21so I thought that it would be less of a big,
15:24huge gap between the winner and the loser.
15:27Good job, babe.
15:28That was awesome.
15:33So, Cody reached out to me
15:34and wanted us to have, like, a conversation.
15:36Like, Olive Branch, Benevolence was in there.
15:39I was completely shocked when Cody reached out.
15:42It came out of absolutely nowhere.
15:45Janelle told me that Cody reached out to her.
15:48I'm like, well, you know, how are you feeling about that?
15:50And she's like, well, I just know, I don't know why.
15:52You know, I don't know what the agenda is,
15:53but apparently there's, like, an Olive Branch or something,
15:56and I'm like, I don't know.
15:58But she didn't know.
15:59It just came out of nowhere for her as well.
16:01I feel like I had so much anxiety today.
16:03Just so much anxiety today.
16:06Why?
16:07I don't want to have a...
16:08I just feel so hypocritical,
16:10but I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
16:13I just don't want to.
16:15David, I don't want to.
16:16But why? Why?
16:17Because it was brain damage for so many years.
16:19When Cody first reached out, I was like, no.
16:22No, I'm not going to go.
16:24That's ridiculous.
16:25I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
16:26Why would I put myself in that situation?
16:28No.
16:29Like, the last conversation that we had together,
16:33the last several conversations we've had,
16:36haven't been great.
16:37Man!
16:38Just the knife in the kidneys over all these years!
16:44Like, every single time,
16:46they just turn around and bite me in the butt.
16:48Why?
16:49Why?
16:50Why?
16:51Why?
16:52You got to realize that people do change.
16:54Even though we don't ever think they will, they will.
16:56You guys...
16:57Where's the proof of the last time
16:58that I heard him talking about me?
17:00He was mean.
17:01I need to know what the motive is,
17:03which is so sad to admit.
17:05But before I agree to have a conversation with Cody, why?
17:14I think the meanest thing that I did
17:16was I said, I didn't love you.
17:19That wasn't true.
17:21We used to be lovers.
17:23And we used to really like being around each other.
17:35I wanted to fly out here and meet with you.
17:42Basically, I just wanted to come and say that I apologize.
17:50Wow.
17:51All right.
17:52Yeah.
17:53Oh, I have a list.
17:55OK.
17:56I'd just love to apologize for...
17:59The first thing is I want to kind of go backwards.
18:02I want to apologize for just being so angry
18:07and so bitter over the family breakup.
18:11And just nobody deserved to have me be that angry.
18:15Wow.
18:19Thanks.
18:20Yeah.
18:21I kept thinking, I don't know who this guy is.
18:23I used to always tell everybody, I'm like,
18:25this is not the guy that I was married to forever.
18:28Like, you know what I mean?
18:29This...
18:30So...
18:31Yeah.
18:32I...
18:33You weren't the only one saying that.
18:35The person I would see speaking all these things publicly,
18:38I'm like, I don't know who that guy is.
18:40I still don't recognize him.
18:41It's like, again, like, somebody I've seen
18:43that I used to know a long time ago.
18:45Lots of pieces that I recognize.
18:46Lots of common things that we can remember together.
18:48But I don't...
18:49I don't recognize me.
18:50He lives a completely different life, it feels like now.
18:52So do I.
18:54I didn't...
18:55I never saw this coming in a million years, right?
18:57Like, when the family fell apart, I was really...
18:59I mourned more the loss of the ideal
19:01of what we were trying to do, right?
19:03I understand that.
19:04Like, I just...
19:05We had that ideal.
19:06Like, when we all got together
19:07and we were going to raise the kids,
19:08thank goodness the kids are all still pretty much
19:10their siblings, really, you know?
19:12And that was one of the biggest things
19:13that we did accomplish.
19:14We had this idea, this whole ideal, right,
19:16of how it was going to be.
19:17Like, I think when I finally left Cody,
19:20I thought about the family so much more
19:22than our relationship for many, many, many years.
19:25I think he and I especially really held
19:27that ideal of the family,
19:28like this family unit thing that would work out.
19:31And I think maybe I lost track of our relationship
19:33and it might have been detrimental, really.
19:35I probably should have been focused a little bit more
19:37on our relationship and not so much the family.
19:39Well, aren't you glad that I was angry?
19:41Well...
19:42Let me tell you why, okay?
19:44It's a compliment to you.
19:45If I'd have been apathetic,
19:48it would have meant you weren't important.
19:50Yeah.
19:51And my anger and my bitterness
19:53and my I didn't ever love her,
19:55that was all from attachment.
19:57Yeah.
19:58We used to be lovers.
20:01And we used to really like,
20:04I think we liked being around each other.
20:07And I'm in a space now with this apology
20:10where I'm not looking back at my past
20:13and going, I want to burn that to the ground.
20:16Instead, I'm looking back at my past like,
20:18that was really cool.
20:19We were part of something special.
20:26I think the meanest thing that I did
20:28was I said, I didn't love you.
20:32That wasn't true.
20:34That was a lie from the perspective of pain.
20:38I knew, I knew it.
20:40I knew it.
20:41I knew that you loved me.
20:42I did.
20:43Like, I know that we had a great relationship.
20:48And I didn't understand.
20:49Like, I was like, okay, whatever.
20:51But I knew it.
20:52I knew.
20:55Thanks for making that easy.
20:56Yeah.
20:57I knew.
20:58And it was fine.
20:59Like, I knew.
21:01Because I knew, I knew how it was
21:03for all those years.
21:04You know what I mean?
21:05But I knew that we, I knew that you loved me.
21:08Yeah.
21:09Yeah, just because I've not had any kind of
21:14real emotional connection with him like this
21:18for a long time.
21:19I'm like, where is this going?
21:20I don't know.
21:21Do you know what I mean?
21:24At one point, I thought, wow,
21:25you're really bringing it on heavy.
21:28I'm like, if you're going to ask
21:29for some sort of reconciliation,
21:30I kept thinking.
21:32I, it wouldn't have made any sense,
21:34but he was just being so intense
21:35and so, like, trying to connect with me emotionally.
21:37And I'm like,
21:38I just didn't know why.
21:40Like, I didn't,
21:41I just couldn't think of any reason why.
21:48How would you react if one of the ex-wives
21:51wanted to return?
21:53Return to the family?
21:54Uh, uh, I mean, like, what?
22:05Really?
22:09I would be very surprised.
22:11I don't want to even answer this because I'm just like...
22:13Okay.
22:14It, it, yeah.
22:21So making me sad right now.
22:23I'm sorry.
22:24No.
22:25What's happening?
22:26Because you, like,
22:27just opened this little portal of hope
22:28and I'm just like,
22:29I didn't even think of that.
22:30And now I'm just like,
22:31what if,
22:32and I'm going down that road.
22:33I can't, I can't.
22:34Just, I gotta move away from that.
22:36Cause I'll just, I'll fall apart
22:37and I can't be on this set.
22:39Okay.
22:40Okay, I just...
22:41Hope is dangerous sometimes.
23:07This is the new office and I like it.
23:09Amber and I have something we need to discuss with Jen.
23:12It's going to be very uncomfortable for Jen.
23:16But sometimes that's what friends do
23:18is make friends uncomfortable.
23:20Hi.
23:21How you doing?
23:22Hi.
23:23I'm great.
23:24Good.
23:25How are you guys?
23:26Better than you.
23:27Chipper.
23:29We're peachy.
23:30Better than you.
23:31So Jen's husband has been fighting cancer
23:34for a couple of years.
23:35But this year it's been definitely more intense
23:39because he's gotten into like all the radiation
23:42and all the surgeries.
23:44And now he's moving into another treatment
23:47that's going to help the recovery of his leg.
23:50And you know, so there's a lot that has been going on.
23:54So we wanted to give you an update though
23:56of what we're going to do for the fundraiser.
23:59We have a plan.
24:02We are so excited about this, Jen.
24:04Thank you, guys.
24:05Amber and I have decided that we are going to
24:08do a fundraiser for her.
24:10And that kind of thing makes Jen very uncomfortable.
24:14Accepting help and being in a place where she needs help,
24:17she doesn't feel like she needs it.
24:19But, you know, this is what we can do.
24:21You know, we can't do anything about the cancer,
24:23but we can help alleviate the financial burden.
24:26So we'll do a bike ride.
24:28We'll just do a loop around town.
24:30OK.
24:31But we are putting out there that people
24:33can rent bikes from your shop.
24:34OK.
24:35So that's another way they can support you
24:37is you can come and rent bikes and stuff.
24:40Hopefully that will bring people to your shop.
24:42They can see what you guys offer there too.
24:44So that'll be good.
24:45And then we'll do a breakfast out here.
24:48OK.
24:49On the front lawn.
24:52As we've been planning this event,
24:54you know, I've been telling people about it.
24:55I texted all my sisters, told them about it.
24:57I also mentioned it to Ron,
24:59and he's going to be coming down for it.
25:01So.
25:02Hello.
25:05So how's it going?
25:06Good.
25:07Yeah.
25:08Good so far.
25:09Have you done this before?
25:10Never in my life.
25:11I met Ron months ago at the speed dating event.
25:14So ever since then,
25:15he and I have just stayed in touch.
25:17We've hung out.
25:18We've just become friends,
25:20and we're just having fun getting to know each other.
25:23This will actually be the first time that Ron is down here in Parowan
25:29to see me and in my space,
25:32and I'm kind of excited about it.
25:33It'll be kind of cool.
25:38You OK with this?
25:39You know, like, you are so loved.
25:46I hate this from you.
25:51Sorry.
25:53Your glasses are in the way.
25:54She's very uncomfortable with it.
25:59She doesn't love this.
26:01You know what?
26:02Maybe the lesson that you're going to take out of this, Jen,
26:04is to accept support.
26:06You give it all the time.
26:08Now it's your turn to learn how to accept it.
26:11OK, so I've been a bastard for about three years,
26:27about this whole breakup.
26:28Four years, all right?
26:30There's some mistakes I made in plural marriage specifically.
26:34I don't know that she was expecting...
26:36I didn't tell her I was coming to apologize.
26:38What I offered her was an olive branch, and that was it.
26:41And so, well, an olive branch?
26:43Well, that's a symbol of peace.
26:45Let's see what he's got.
26:46You know?
26:48When you and I got married,
26:49I remember this affection we shared.
26:55And this really made me question plural marriage pretty hard.
27:00I wish I would have seen the need for you and I
27:04to protect our special place.
27:09Yet, if I would have understood that,
27:13I think it would have been a lot safer for you.
27:17I feel like I put you in harm's way,
27:21and that it didn't step up to protect you.
27:27Wow. Thank you.
27:29I, yeah.
27:32When Janelle and I got married,
27:34I didn't feel like we had a lot of room,
27:36space with each other.
27:38We didn't know each other that well when we got married.
27:42We weren't good communicators,
27:43but we started out with a tenderness.
27:46We started out with a sweetness.
27:48And for that, and the fact that I didn't protect, like...
27:56We didn't know.
27:57We didn't have no idea.
27:58God, she's Jill.
27:59There was no book or anyone advising us.
28:02No, there wasn't.
28:03But I, I, my mistake in just not being brave enough,
28:07man enough, strong enough,
28:10because I know you didn't feel safe in that space,
28:12and you were probably thinking to yourself a lot,
28:15I made a huge mistake marrying this guy.
28:20There were some things that happened through the years
28:22that I kind of, well, there were things that happened,
28:24especially that first year or two,
28:26that I kind of wish he would have stood up for me
28:29as much as he maybe,
28:33by default sort of took the other position, you know?
28:37Mary and I have very different personalities.
28:39We just clash.
28:40Like, I don't, we would never be friends, right?
28:43I never would.
28:44We just are so very different.
28:46So add that to the fact that there was a lot of,
28:50of jealousy and insecurity and stuff that we were working through,
28:54and it just was not, it was not good.
28:58I, I have an experience, um,
29:02where I was going off to the mountain to log,
29:04and you were sobbing,
29:06and you were saying, do you love me?
29:08Do you love me?
29:09Do you love me?
29:10Do you love me?
29:11I just didn't realize that you weren't feeling safe.
29:14I've thought about that scene in my mind,
29:17that scenario where you were there,
29:19and I have just felt ashamed,
29:20because you deserved to feel safe in that relationship,
29:24and I bailed that.
29:27So I was pregnant with Logan,
29:29and he was on the road.
29:30He was a route sales guy.
29:31And so his time at home was very,
29:33like, there was a lot of,
29:34his time at home was limited.
29:36And I think he was trying so hard to, like, be a family,
29:41that I think we sort of, again,
29:43lost track of who we were as just a couple.
29:47Yeah, I mean, I was obviously the first plural wife,
29:49so there's a lot that comes with that.
29:52And I think over the years,
29:53I just sort of learned to just keep the peace.
29:55I lost a lot of my identity, like I did.
29:57I think I had to sort of emotionally close down
30:00to survive in those early years.
30:02And I think we just never got that back.
30:04So there's been some healing for me,
30:06for him to say those things about those early years,
30:09which were really, really, really not pretty.
30:12The, um...
30:15Well, I think the experience was much harder
30:20than you thought it was going to be.
30:22Yeah, I think I went in pretty idealistic.
30:25Yeah, and if I, once again, if I would have protected you,
30:27if I would have made you safe in that space,
30:30if you would have felt like I had your back,
30:32Yeah.
30:33I...
30:34Yeah.
30:35Our relationship, yeah, we might have not...
30:36It would have made a lot of difference.
30:37...not have struggled as much as we did
30:39in those early years, you know what I mean, for sure.
30:41Yeah, and I always, and that's an ache in my heart
30:43that I have felt four or five years.
30:49We always had a really good relationship
30:53as far as, like, being able to talk to each other.
30:56I think we still do care for each other.
30:58I mean, like, how can you not?
30:59I've spent so many years married to him.
31:02I just think there is always a level of connection
31:05when you spend that much time married.
31:13If Cody started to be mean or anything,
31:15or aggressive towards me or anything like that,
31:17David, oh my God, he'd become unglued.
31:19He wants to have a relationship.
31:21I just don't think he knows quite how to.
31:23If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now,
31:26down the road when you need them,
31:27they're not going to be there.
31:28He's not going to be there.
31:39Do you think Cody wants to meet up to talk crap on you?
31:42No, he said that he wants to extend an olive branch.
31:45I just don't trust that.
31:47I just don't trust him.
31:48No, I haven't told Cody whether or not
31:50I'm going to meet up with him at all.
31:51I'm not 100% going yet.
31:54Why?
31:55Why would I do that?
31:56I'm not going to trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
31:59So he's just going to be mean.
32:01He's just mean.
32:02It's years of him being mean and putting me down
32:04and making me feel less than.
32:06I'm nauseous.
32:07I'm already nauseous thinking about it.
32:08My stomach's already upset thinking about it.
32:10But you have done so much in your life in the last, what, three years?
32:14Uh-huh.
32:15Yes.
32:16Look where you're at now.
32:17Yes.
32:18You're a very independent woman.
32:19Yes.
32:20I've seen it in you.
32:21And watch what you can do.
32:22And things will be better because it's you and I there.
32:25OK.
32:26And it will be fine.
32:28I promise you.
32:30David's always been pushing for more communication.
32:34And he's like, and what do you want more than anything?
32:36And I'm like, oh, for my kids to have a better relationship with their dad.
32:40And he goes, OK.
32:41Then you have to show them how to have a good relationship with him.
32:45See, he's right with this too.
32:47It just sucks.
32:49You didn't marry him because he was a terrible guy.
32:52No, he was great.
32:53He was a great guy.
32:54But times change and things change.
32:56People change.
32:57And people start going separate ways.
32:58Yeah.
32:59Everybody wants to keep living in the past.
33:01No.
33:02And the past will never make you go to the future.
33:04So I need to think about it.
33:05This isn't an olive branch.
33:06This is a peace talk.
33:07That's a peace talk.
33:08This is not an olive branch from him.
33:10Let's just have to be a peace talk.
33:11Let's just move on.
33:12It doesn't matter.
33:13Things were said.
33:14Yeah.
33:15They're just going to move on.
33:16And what can we do to make this better for our kids?
33:18And for us to be in the same room too.
33:19Because if we're going to all do family reunions like I wanted and get together like I wanted,
33:24this needs to happen.
33:25But I'm not going to be in that mosh pit.
33:27Okay?
33:28Cody could be in that mosh pit.
33:29You don't want to be in the dancing mosh pit?
33:30No.
33:31I'll just tackle people.
33:32Okay.
33:33Okay.
33:34That sounds good.
33:35I've decided to leave.
33:36I'm going to leave Cody.
33:38When I first was leaving Cody, I remember like there were a couple of conversations where
33:46I'd be like, look, I'm sure that we could all get together at some point, you know, and
33:50have a family reunion, you know, once a year or something like that.
33:53And everyone kind of looked at me like I was a fool.
33:56Getting the kids together would be an awesome thing.
33:58I don't need to see the adults, but the kids need to get together for sure.
34:05If you want to have a reunion, a family, and I'm all for it, I have zero, I'm not jealous,
34:10I'm not insecure about them all having to get together because my main focus on is the
34:15kids having a good relationship with everybody.
34:18If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now, down the road when you
34:22need them, they're not going to be there.
34:24I tell you, don't let people walk all over you.
34:27No, I won't.
34:28So there you go.
34:29I won't.
34:32No, it's not going to be like it was before.
34:34I mean, I wouldn't allow it.
34:35I wouldn't put up with it.
34:36And David, oh my God, he'd become unglued.
34:38If Cody started to be mean or aggressive towards me or anything like that, no, no,
34:42God, David, no, he wouldn't allow that.
34:45But I wouldn't either.
34:46He wants to have a relationship.
34:48I just don't think he knows quite how to.
34:51No, I don't need to talk about anything with Cody.
34:53I would love to see him have a better relationship with his kids.
34:56If he's extending an olive branch here, we'll really then have a better relationship with my
35:01kids, you know, put them first.
35:04I love you.
35:05Love you, too.
35:08Do you ever feel like our breakup was just inevitable?
35:23By the time it happened, I didn't see that we were ever going to turn around.
35:26Okay.
35:27But, you know, I mean, I was really ready to move on.
35:31So Cody and I, as any relationship does, just had like ups and downs.
35:35And some of our lows were pretty low.
35:37And we always managed to come back.
35:39You stay and talk.
35:40I'm done listening to you.
35:41You stay and talk.
35:42Uh, no.
35:43I'm not going to because you're not listening.
35:46You're not listening to me.
35:47And I'm not going to.
35:48Okay, so we're done?
35:49Goodbye.
35:50you.
35:51The last time, I didn't want to reconcile.
35:54I didn't have any desire.
35:55The kids were definitely older.
35:57I didn't need the family's financial support as much.
36:01Like it just, it just, there wasn't a lot of reasons to work through it.
36:05I feel like we've needed an olive branch, the entire family.
36:09And Janelle, you get the high owner and being the person I felt the safest with to start offering that olive branch.
36:16Oh, we did, we had a good, we had a, we had a great, like, like, I, I'm grateful for what we had.
36:23Yeah.
36:24I really am.
36:26Yeah.
36:27Thank you for being cool about this.
36:29I'm glad you came.
36:30Make it easy.
36:31Like, it was a great relationship.
36:34I still care about him.
36:35And I think he still cares about me, but I don't, he's not in my life and I'm not going to be in his life.
36:40And there's nothing there now.
36:43I wish he had a better relationship with the children because then, you know, then there would be a little bit more cohesion for the family.
36:50But I don't know.
36:51That's not, that's a long ways away, I suspect.
36:54I was thinking though, um, Garrison can qualify, I think, for a military headstone.
37:01And I think he would love that because the military was a big part of his, like, what he loved, right?
37:05Okay.
37:06Yeah, he'd like him.
37:07So it's a matter of filing paperwork.
37:08Yeah, and I've got half of it done.
37:10I mean, I guess if you wanted to come up and meet me there, we can do that.
37:13So would it just be you and I going there to place the headstone?
37:16I'm okay.
37:17It doesn't have to be a big deal.
37:18Yeah, let's do it.
37:19We'll both go up there.
37:20Okay.
37:21I mean, that's fine.
37:22Like, we can just meet there or something.
37:23You know what I mean?
37:24Yeah.
37:25Alright.
37:26Um, you know, I didn't know what to expect coming.
37:29I'm grateful for the experience and I'm grateful he came.
37:32It's been healing to hear some of those things.
37:34That's a great idea.
37:35Thanks for meeting with me.
37:36Yeah.
37:37I really appreciate it.
37:40I think it went very well.
37:42Chanel was very gracious.
37:43She was very kind.
37:45I felt like she made it easy to do this apology.
37:50Like, this is a pilgrimage and I have planned it for so long and I've needed this for four years.
37:59Boy, there's a lot of pressure.
38:02It's windy.
38:03The door wasn't easy to open.
38:05Yeah.
38:06So.
38:07Alright.
38:08Anyway, thank you.
38:09Thanks for meeting with me.
38:10I really appreciate it.
38:11We'll see you.
38:12Alright.
38:13See you later.
38:14Alright.
38:16Yeah, I've got two more wives to visit with.
38:19I get a little bit nervous thinking that it could go really, really wrong.
38:24This is my journey.
38:28This is something I am required to do.
38:31My hope is for them to receive it well.
38:35And if they don't, then we'll go back to God and say, what next?
38:40Do I do it again?
38:41I don't know.
38:43Next time on Sister Wives.
38:50Is there any part of you?
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