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FunTranscript
00:00I wouldn't tell you.
00:04Maybe you could explain to me what it is that you've committed us to.
00:09So it's not going to be like a speed dating thing.
00:12What's it called?
00:13I don't know. It's like Vegas Girls or something like that.
00:16You're nervous.
00:17Well, because dating is weird.
00:20Dating is weird.
00:21I really have no idea what we've gotten into.
00:24We're just going to have fun, and if I meet somebody, cool.
00:30After the Sella Coyote Pass, I was disappointed.
00:34I've been saying embarrassed, but the real factor is that I felt ashamed.
00:40I'm in North Carolina right now.
00:42I'm traveling here to meet with Janelle.
00:47It's an effort to just say, have a great...
00:51I don't even know how to say it.
00:53I don't even know what to say, really.
00:56I was hurt, and I was angry, and I was betrayed,
00:59and I wanted to...
01:00I had a feeling of, let's get even.
01:03I'm on the right path.
01:05I'm looking forward to laying it all out bare with what I've done.
01:10I'm going to get started.
01:19I'm blown over.
01:26I'm going to get started.
01:28Do we have to do this?
01:47Do we have to?
01:50So Amber and I came to Vegas.
01:51We came for this speed dating type event.
01:54Hello, ladies.
01:55Hello.
01:56Hi.
01:57Are you guys ready to find love?
01:59Yes, actually.
02:01So this is kind of like a speed dating type event
02:04at a golf location and kind of like a bar area.
02:09Hopefully there's about an equal amount of girls and guys.
02:11I haven't seen that yet, but maybe it'll happen.
02:14OK.
02:15So you're going to scan the QR code.
02:16It'll have you fill out a questionnaire.
02:19So around 845 or so, we'll break you into some smaller groups.
02:23And then it'll do another countdown,
02:25and you're going to get the match that it thinks
02:26is your best match based on the answers that you put into there.
02:28That's a really long time from now.
02:30Uh, yes.
02:31So we're supposed to mingle with random people for over an hour.
02:35Yes, so that's what the liquid courage is for.
02:36OK, got it.
02:37We're supposed to go far in here.
02:39Good call.
02:40Good call.
02:41I'm nervous.
02:42We both are.
02:43Not quite sure what to expect.
02:45We're just doing it.
02:47Here we go.
02:48Here we go.
02:50Now we have to answer these questions.
02:53OK.
02:54Flirting is a form of cheating.
02:56Yes.
02:57Strongly disagree, strongly agree.
03:00I agree.
03:01Yeah, I definitely think that if you're flirting with somebody
03:04and you're in a relationship, I mean, you shouldn't be doing that.
03:08I think flirting in a plural relationship is, like, you need to be careful with it and you
03:15need to actually nurture all of your relationships if you're wanting to flirt with somebody in
03:21front of somebody else.
03:22If one wife is not secure and you're out there flirting with the other wife in front of her,
03:28that's just rude.
03:29You know, Cody was naturally warm and was naturally, um, demonstrative.
03:36You know, that was just what it was.
03:39You know, it was plural marriage.
03:40It was what we were living.
03:41And I never thought it was a good idea to hide it anyway.
03:44But that was something they had established before I even came along.
03:48Um, I mean, Cody always had little things that he would do that would, to flirt with us all,
03:53and didn't, was normal, didn't bother me, yeah.
03:56He'd do a little wink or something, you know, and I guess sort of like a little flirt with
04:01us in front of each other.
04:03And it didn't really ever bother me.
04:04I mean, that's part of plural marriage.
04:08Everything pretty much was like, when you're with everybody, you're classy, you know,
04:12you didn't really do stuff like that.
04:14That's like, that'd be like a polygamous family killer, I would think, you know, to be all like that.
04:19Okay.
04:20Next question's gonna be your favorite.
04:22I prefer kinky sex.
04:23Wait.
04:24Wait.
04:25What?
04:26Yep.
04:27Mmm.
04:28What'd you put?
04:29What'd you put?
04:30One.
04:31I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't know, but there's that.
04:36Okay.
04:37When you know, you would change your answer.
04:41I feel bad, because I know that these days, with dating, it's very complicated.
04:48It's not what it used to be.
04:50You know, the smartphone has just totally annihilated that whole thought process.
04:53I feel bad for people that are having to go through this process now.
04:57You're in.
04:58Keep an eye on your text.
04:59When your host runs the algorithm, you'll get your match from this number.
05:03Yay.
05:04This is weird.
05:05Why?
05:06What's...
05:07Where are we going?
05:08I don't know.
05:09I don't know.
05:10I don't know.
05:11Let's walk.
05:12I definitely go in with low expectations, and then if something happens, great.
05:17You know?
05:18What about the guy there looking at his phone?
05:25Not for me.
05:26For you.
05:27No, I don't think so.
05:28No?
05:31I wanted to wait.
05:32You know, maybe not everybody was there yet.
05:34Maybe other people were going to show up.
05:36There is this one guy here who's got his eye out for that girl.
05:40Yep.
05:41100%.
05:42I saw him walk in, and he was like, yep, I know who I want.
05:46I mean, there's a decent amount of people.
05:51Definitely the majority are women.
05:53I was kind of hoping that there would be more men, and maybe more men that I would be interested
06:01in, but at the same time, like, this is what dating is about.
06:04This is dating.
06:06And I don't know if...
06:08I mean, I haven't dated since I was a teenager, but I think the dating scene is just kind of
06:14tough for... I think it's just tough all around.
06:17Are we just being party poopers?
06:19Maybe.
06:20Are we being too picky?
06:21Maybe.
06:22Are we... are we closed off?
06:25I see nobody of interest at all for me or for you.
06:32I don't either.
06:33I see nobody.
06:35I feel like I get to be picky.
06:39You know, and I get that, like, I'm not gonna find, like, the perfect person that checks
06:45all the boxes.
06:46I don't think the perfect person exists.
06:48But the perfect person for me exists, and that's... that's who I'm looking for.
06:52So I think I get to be picky.
07:09I'm here in North Carolina so that I can meet up with Janelle and basically just following
07:15through with my plans for apology to my ex-wives.
07:20And I'm willing to accept that it might happen with rejection, and I might have to just do
07:25my best to stay the course.
07:27I don't want to fight.
07:29I just want to apologize.
07:31You know, since Cody first called me and said, I want to come meet with you, I thought,
07:38why?
07:39Like, I mean, why now?
07:41You know, and I think that was part of the reason I was like, well, I'll go see.
07:45I'm curious what you have to say, but is this gonna be even for real?
07:51Hi.
07:52Hi.
07:53How are you?
07:54Good.
07:55Are you feeling healthy?
07:56Yeah, I am.
07:57Good.
07:58Good.
07:59Nice to see you.
08:00Thanks for meeting with me.
08:01I appreciate it.
08:02Thanks.
08:03I guess, you know, I saw Cody in person when we all met up at Coyote Pass, and that was
08:09so awkward.
08:10We didn't really talk to each other.
08:11It was just awkward.
08:12Robin was there, and that makes the dynamic really weird.
08:15Cody feels like he has to run interference and protect Robin and, like, I don't know,
08:19whatever.
08:20I don't know whatever.
08:21Like, it was so awkward and disjointed when we all met up at the property.
08:25And this is just he and I.
08:27There's no other outside parties.
08:28There's no politics.
08:29Have you eaten here before?
08:31I have.
08:32Yeah.
08:33It's really good.
08:34Yeah?
08:35Awesome.
08:36Yeah.
08:37Yeah.
08:38So.
08:39Well, good choice then.
08:40Yeah, like, um, it's, like, people that I know.
08:41Oh, okay, cool.
08:42Like this place, and so they recommended it.
08:43Okay, cool.
08:44And I'm like, when you said this, I'm like, okay, sure.
08:45Yeah.
08:46Sure.
08:47All right.
08:48The town, it's all quaint.
08:49Yeah.
08:50I wore a jacket because I couldn't see the humidity, assuming that it would be a little
08:54bit high.
08:55Yeah.
08:56But it seemed cold because all the weather was pretty cool.
08:58Yeah, we've had an unusual year.
08:59We have.
09:00Like, it's cool.
09:01Yeah.
09:04So that's, that's great.
09:07Uh, this is so awkward, but even if you have to start out with the weather, you've got
09:14to start out with some conversation to break a little bit of ice.
09:17You can't just jump into something, especially as heavy as an apology.
09:20I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
09:30Cody contacted me and wants to have a conversation.
09:34I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
09:39I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
09:44There's no way I would ever do that again.
09:47It's so weird.
09:48This is the weirdest experience.
10:00You know what?
10:02Golfing has never been my thing, right?
10:04I mean, I've done mini golf and I think mini golf is a lot of fun.
10:07I don't know.
10:08I'm not good at golf.
10:09And so I'm not going to go up with a bunch of people that I'm not comfortable with and
10:13like do something that I look stupid doing either.
10:15I'm not trying to discount my 30 years of marriage, but I know what I want and I know what I don't
10:32want based on experiences that I've had.
10:36I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
10:40We knew each other for six months at the time that we got married.
10:44You know, like we came from a religious culture that promoted that for sure.
10:50And so it was normal for us.
10:52But there's no way I would ever do that again.
10:56All right, everybody.
10:59It's the moment that you've all been waiting for.
11:03In a few seconds, you are about to get a text message to your phone.
11:08You will get your marriage.
11:11Woo!
11:12You know, I think it's going to be interesting to see if they even match me with somebody just
11:20based on this questionnaire that maybe they will, maybe they won't.
11:23I don't know.
11:24But it doesn't feel like a speed dating event at all.
11:29Yeah, I think the structure of the speed dating event that I went to up in Salt Lake was so much better.
11:43Tell me about yourself.
11:45How long have you been single?
11:47Single, two years.
11:48Two years.
11:49I have a dog.
11:50Nice.
11:51I have a child.
11:52I'm really glad that I met Ron at the other event.
11:55He and I have a really cool connection.
11:57But this is just the world that I'm living in right now.
12:01You know, the dating scene is weird.
12:06You know, it's like, sometimes it's going to be fun.
12:09Sometimes I'm going to be interested in a guy and he's not going to be interested in me.
12:13Sometimes vice versa.
12:14You know what I mean?
12:15Like, it's just, it just is what it is.
12:20Matches are here.
12:31I didn't end up getting matched with anybody.
12:33And I'm okay with that because I didn't see anybody that I wanted to be matched with.
12:39So, it was a win.
12:45I don't know what to do now.
12:47Now we've racially leave.
12:48Okay.
12:50I think we're out.
12:53No, I'm not disappointed.
12:54I think this is just the process.
12:56I think this is the game that I'm in right now.
12:59But I'm up for the adventure because I do want to find my person, you know?
13:07You know, they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
13:10And I'm definitely leaving this experience here.
13:14And we'll just have to find a better version next time.
13:31We live where there's a pickleball court.
13:33Christine's like, let's go play.
13:35She thinks she can beat me.
13:37It's on.
13:41Hey, cheater.
13:42Behind the line.
13:44You have dessert from here?
13:45Uh-huh.
13:46So pickleball is like this rage.
13:47This rage is easier than tennis.
13:49And it's not bad.
13:50It's okay.
13:51I've really honestly never played it before.
13:52I have tried so many different sports and I'm terrible at all of them.
13:56All sports.
13:57You have sunglasses, you cheater.
14:00How is wearing sunglasses cheating knowing the elements?
14:04That's not cheating.
14:05That's preparing for battle.
14:11Out.
14:12So that was one point for you.
14:13One to me.
14:14You know why you're not good at this game?
14:16Why?
14:17Because you can't cheat.
14:18Oh, my God.
14:19You know what ass .
14:20I love to trash talk.
14:24Four.
14:26Do you have a hole in that pedal?
14:27Check it.
14:28Do you have a hole in your mouth?
14:29It gets in their head.
14:31Then they can't win.
14:32So if I'm cheating that way, hey, that's part of the game.
14:36No, I swear.
14:37David, gone!
14:40I hate sports.
14:41David can aim.
14:46I swear to the love, you're getting it.
14:47Go get it.
14:48You get it.
14:49He can aim where he hits the ball.
14:51And he is hitting it out there on purpose
14:53because he likes to just get me worn out.
14:55That's his tactic.
14:56Who's the cheater now?
14:57Oh, that was out.
14:58No, that was in.
14:59Damn it to hell.
15:00David, can you go that way?
15:02Can you aim that way?
15:04Hey, I just know how to angle the ball
15:07right through that door opening there
15:08to let her go chase him.
15:10Good job, Dave.
15:11Let's do the pump chest.
15:12Ready?
15:13That hurts.
15:15David won.
15:16David won.
15:17David won.
15:18No one is surprised.
15:19He's never played pickleball either.
15:21So I thought that it would be less of a big, huge gap
15:25between the winner and the loser.
15:27Good job, babe.
15:28That was awesome.
15:29No.
15:32So Cody reached out to me and wanted us to have, like, a conversation.
15:36Like, olive branch, benevolence was in there.
15:39I was completely shocked when Cody reached out.
15:42It came out of absolutely nowhere.
15:45Janelle told me that Cody reached out to her.
15:48I'm like, well, you know, how are you feeling about that?
15:50And she's like, well, I just know, I don't know why.
15:52You know, I don't know what the agenda is, but apparently there's like an olive branch or something.
15:55And I'm like, I don't know.
15:57But she didn't know.
15:58It just came out of nowhere for her as well.
16:00I feel like I had so much anxiety today.
16:03Just so much anxiety today.
16:05Why?
16:06I don't want to have a, I just feel so hypocritical.
16:09But I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
16:13I just don't want to.
16:14David, I don't want to.
16:16But why?
16:17Because it was brain damage for so many years.
16:19When Cody first reached out, I was like, no.
16:22No, I'm not going to go.
16:24That's ridiculous.
16:25I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
16:26Why would I put myself in that situation?
16:28No.
16:29Like, the last conversation that we had together,
16:33the last several conversations we've had haven't been great.
16:37Man!
16:38Just the knife in the kidneys over all these years!
16:44Like, every single time, they just turn around and bite me in the butt.
16:48Why, why, why?
16:50Why?
16:51Why?
16:52You got to realize that people do change.
16:54Even though we don't ever think they will, they will.
16:56You got...
16:57Where's the proof of the last time that I heard him talking about me?
17:00He was mean.
17:01I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
17:05But before I agree to have a conversation with Cody, why?
17:14I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
17:18That wasn't true.
17:20We used to be lovers.
17:22And we used to really like being around each other.
17:27I wanted to fly out here and meet with you.
17:42Basically, I just wanted to come and say that I apologize.
17:46Wow.
17:47All right.
17:48Yeah.
17:49Um...
17:50Oh, I have a list.
17:51Okay.
17:52I'd just love to apologize for...
17:53The first thing is I want to kind of go backwards.
17:54I want to apologize for just being so angry and so bitter over the family breakup.
18:11And just nobody deserved to have me be that angry.
18:15Wow.
18:16Thanks.
18:17Yeah.
18:18I kept thinking, I don't know who this guy is.
18:19I used to always tell everybody, I'm like, this is not the guy that I was married to forever.
18:23Like, you know what I mean?
18:24This...
18:25Yeah.
18:26So...
18:27Yeah, I...
18:28You weren't the only one saying that.
18:30The person I would see speaking all these things publicly, I'm like, I don't know who that guy is.
18:35I still don't recognize him.
18:36It's like, again, like, somebody I've seen that I used to know a long time ago.
18:40Lots of pieces that I recognize, lots of common things that we can remember together.
18:44But I don't recognize me.
18:45He lives a completely different life, it feels like now.
18:47So do I.
18:48I didn't...
18:49I never saw this coming in a million years, right?
18:50Like, when the family fell apart, I was really...
18:51I mourned more the loss of the ideal of what we were trying to do, right?
18:52I understand that.
18:53Like, I just...
18:54We had that ideal.
18:55Like, when we all got together and we were going to raise the kids, and thank goodness,
18:56the kids are all still pretty much their siblings, really, you know?
18:59And that was one of the biggest things that we did accomplish.
19:01We had this idea, this whole ideal, right, of how it was going to be.
19:04Like, I think when I finally left Cody, I thought about the family so much more than our relationship
19:23for many, many, many years.
19:25I think he and I especially really held that ideal of the family, like this family unit
19:30thing that would work out.
19:32And I think maybe I lost track of our relationship, and it might have been detrimental, really.
19:36I probably should have been focused a little bit more on our relationship and not so much
19:39the family.
19:40Well, aren't you glad that I was angry?
19:42Well...
19:43Let me tell you why, okay?
19:44It's a compliment to you.
19:45If I'd have been apathetic, it would have meant you weren't important.
19:50Yeah.
19:51And my anger and my bitterness and my I didn't ever love her, that was all from attachment.
19:57Yeah.
19:59We used to be lovers.
20:02And we used to really like, I think we liked being around each other.
20:08And I'm in a space now with this apology where I'm not looking back at my past and going,
20:14I want to burn that to the ground.
20:16Instead, I'm looking back at my past like, that was really cool.
20:20We were part of something special.
20:27I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
20:33That wasn't true.
20:35That was a lie from the perspective of pain.
20:39I knew.
20:40I knew it.
20:41I knew that you loved me.
20:42I did.
20:43Like, I know that we had a great relationship.
20:48And I didn't understand.
20:49Like, I was like, okay, whatever.
20:51But I knew it.
20:52I knew.
20:54Thanks for making that easy.
20:56Yeah.
20:57I knew.
20:58And it was fine.
20:59Like, I knew.
21:00Because I knew how it was for all those years.
21:03You know what I mean?
21:04Yeah.
21:05But I knew that we, I knew that you loved me.
21:07Yeah.
21:08So.
21:12Yeah.
21:13Just because I've not had any kind of real emotional connection with him like this for
21:18a long time, I'm like, where is this going?
21:20I don't know.
21:21Do you know what I mean?
21:23At one point, I thought, wow, you're really bringing it on heavy.
21:27I'm like, if you're going to ask for some sort of reconciliation, I kept thinking.
21:32I, it wouldn't have made any sense.
21:34But he was just being so intense and so, like, trying to connect with me emotionally.
21:37And I'm like, I just didn't know why.
21:40Like, I didn't, I just couldn't think of any reason why.
21:48How would you react if one of the ex-wives wanted to return?
21:53Return to the family?
21:54To the family.
21:55Uh, uh, I mean, like, what?
22:05Really?
22:08I would be very surprised.
22:11I, I don't want to even answer this because I'm just like.
22:14Okay.
22:15It, it, yeah.
22:21So making me sad right now.
22:23I'm sorry.
22:24No.
22:25Because you, like, just opened this little portal of hope.
22:27And I'm just like, I didn't even think of that.
22:30And now I'm just like, what if, and I'm going down that road.
22:33I can't, I can't.
22:34Just, I got to move away from that.
22:36Because I'll just, I'll fall apart and I can't be on this set.
22:38Okay.
22:39Okay, I just.
22:40Hope is dangerous sometimes.
22:53This is the new office and I like it.
23:10Amber and I have something we need to discuss with Jen.
23:13It's going to be very uncomfortable for Jen,
23:16but sometimes that's what friends do,
23:19is make friends uncomfortable.
23:20Hi. How are you doing?
23:22Hi.
23:22I'm great.
23:24Good.
23:25Who are you guys?
23:26Better than you.
23:27Chipper?
23:28We're peachy.
23:29Better than you.
23:31So Jen's husband has been fighting cancer
23:34for a couple of years,
23:35but this year it's been definitely more intense
23:39because he's gotten into, like, all the radiation
23:43and all the surgeries,
23:44and now he's moving into another treatment
23:47that's going to help the recovery of his leg.
23:50And, you know, so there's a lot that has been going on.
23:54So we wanted to give you an update, though,
23:57of what we're going to do for the fundraiser.
23:59We have a plan.
24:02We are so excited about this, Jen.
24:04Thank you, guys.
24:06Amber and I have decided that we are going to do a fundraiser
24:09for her,
24:10and that kind of thing makes Jen very uncomfortable.
24:15Accepting help and being in a place where she needs help,
24:18she doesn't feel like she needs it,
24:19but, you know, this is what we can do.
24:21You know, we can't do anything about the cancer,
24:23but we can help alleviate the financial burden.
24:27So we'll do a bike ride.
24:28We'll just do a loop around town.
24:30Okay.
24:31But we are putting out there
24:32that people can rent bikes from your shop.
24:34Okay.
24:35So that's another way they can support you
24:37is to come and rent bikes and stuff.
24:40Hopefully that will bring people to your shop.
24:42They can see what you guys offer there, too.
24:44So that'll be good.
24:45And that'll do a breakfast out here.
24:48Okay.
24:49On the front lawn.
24:52As we've been planning this event,
24:54you know, I've been telling people about it.
24:55I texted all my sisters, told them about it.
24:58I've also mentioned it to Ron,
24:59and he's going to be coming down for it, so...
25:02Hello.
25:05So, how's it going?
25:06Good.
25:07Yeah.
25:07Good so far.
25:08Have you done this before?
25:08Never in my life.
25:10I met Ron months ago at the speed dating event.
25:14So ever since then,
25:15he and I have just stayed in touch.
25:17We've hung out.
25:18We've just become friends,
25:20and we're just having fun getting to know each other.
25:25This will actually be the first time
25:26that Ron is down here in Parowan to see me
25:30and in my space,
25:32and I'm kind of excited about it.
25:33It'll be kind of cool.
25:38You okay with this?
25:41You know, like, you are so loved.
25:46I hate this from you.
25:51Sorry.
25:53Your glasses, they're in the way.
25:56She's very uncomfortable with it.
26:00She doesn't love this.
26:02You know what?
26:03Maybe the lesson that you're going to take out of this, Jen,
26:05is to accept support.
26:07You give it all the time.
26:09Now it's your turn to learn how to accept it.
26:11Okay, so I've been a bastard for about three years
26:27about this whole breakup, four years, all right?
26:30There's some mistakes I made in plural marriage specifically.
26:35I don't know that she was expecting...
26:36I didn't tell her I was coming to apologize.
26:39What I offered her was an olive branch,
26:41and that was it.
26:42And so, well, an olive branch,
26:44well, that's a symbol of peace.
26:45Let's see what he's got.
26:47You know?
26:48When you and I got married,
26:49I remember this affection that we shared.
26:55And this really made me question plural marriage pretty hard.
27:00I wish I would have seen the need
27:03for you and I to protect our special place.
27:07If I would have understood that,
27:13I think it would have been a lot safer for you.
27:17I feel like I put you in harm's way
27:21and that it didn't step up to protect you.
27:26Wow.
27:29I, yeah.
27:30When Janelle and I got married,
27:34I didn't feel like we had a lot of room,
27:36space with each other.
27:39We didn't know each other that well when we got married.
27:42We weren't good communicators,
27:44but we started out with a tenderness.
27:46We started out with a sweetness.
27:52And for that,
27:53and the fact that I didn't protect, like...
27:56We didn't know.
27:57We didn't have no idea.
27:58There was no book or anyone advising us.
28:02No, there wasn't,
28:02but I, my mistake
28:04in just not being brave enough,
28:07man enough,
28:08strong enough,
28:10because I know you didn't feel safe in that space
28:12and you were probably thinking to yourself a lot,
28:15I made a huge mistake in marrying this guy.
28:20There were some things that happened through the years
28:22that I kind of,
28:23well, there were things that happened,
28:24especially that first year or two,
28:26that I kind of wish he would have stood up for me
28:29as much as he maybe by default
28:34sort of took the other position, you know.
28:37Mary and I have very different personalities.
28:40We just clash.
28:41Like, I don't,
28:42we would never be friends, right?
28:44I never would.
28:45Like, we just are so very different.
28:46So add that to the fact that there was a lot of,
28:50of jealousy and insecurity
28:53and stuff that we were working through
28:54and it just was not,
28:56it was not good.
28:58I have an experience
29:00where I was going off to the mountain to log
29:04and you were sobbing
29:06and you were saying,
29:08do you love me?
29:09Do you love me?
29:09Do you love me?
29:11I just didn't realize
29:12that you weren't feeling safe.
29:14I've thought about that scene in my mind,
29:17that scenario where you were there
29:19and I have just felt ashamed
29:20because you deserved to feel safe in that relationship
29:24and I failed that.
29:25So I was pregnant with Logan
29:29and he was on the road.
29:30He was a route sales guy
29:31and so his time at home was very,
29:33like, there was a lot of,
29:35his time at home was limited
29:36and I think he was trying so hard
29:38to, like, be a family
29:40that I think we sort of, again,
29:43lost track of who we were
29:44as just a couple.
29:47Yeah, I mean,
29:47I was obviously the first plural wife
29:49so there's a lot that comes with that
29:51and I think over the years
29:53I just sort of learned
29:54to just keep the peace
29:55and I lost a lot of my identity
29:56like I did.
29:58I think I had to sort of
30:00emotionally close down
30:01to survive in those early years
30:02and I think we just never got that back.
30:05So there's been some healing for me
30:07for him to say those things
30:08about those early years
30:09which were really, really,
30:11really not pretty.
30:15The, um,
30:17well, I think the experience
30:20was much harder
30:21than you thought it was going to be.
30:23Yeah, I think I went in
30:24pretty idealistic.
30:25Yeah, and if I,
30:26once again,
30:27if I would have protected you,
30:28if I would have made you safe
30:30in that space,
30:31if you would have felt
30:32like I had your back,
30:33Yeah, yeah,
30:35our relationship, yeah,
30:36we might have not
30:36It would have made
30:36a lot of difference.
30:38Not have struggled
30:38as much as we did
30:39in those early years,
30:40you know what I mean?
30:40For sure.
30:41And I always,
30:42and that's an ache in my heart
30:43that I have felt
30:44four or five years.
30:45We always had a really
30:52good relationship
30:53as far as, like,
30:54being able to talk
30:55to each other.
30:56I think we still do
30:57care for each other.
30:58I mean, like,
30:59how can you not?
30:59I spent so many years
31:01married to him.
31:02I just think there is
31:03always a level of connection
31:05when you spend
31:07that much time married.
31:08If Cody started to be mean
31:15or aggressive towards me
31:16or anything like that,
31:17David, oh my God,
31:18he'd become unglued.
31:19He wants to have
31:20a relationship.
31:21I just don't think
31:22he knows quite how to.
31:23If you don't start
31:24having a relationship
31:25with your kids now,
31:26down the road,
31:27when you need them,
31:27they're not going
31:28to be there.
31:38Do you think Cody
31:40wants to meet up
31:41to talk crap on you?
31:42No, he said that
31:43he wants to extend
31:44an olive branch.
31:47I just don't trust that.
31:48I just don't trust him.
31:49No, I haven't told Cody
31:50whether or not
31:51I'm going to meet up
31:51with him at all.
31:52I'm not 100% going yet.
31:55So why?
31:55Why would I do that?
31:57I'm not going to trust
31:58anything that comes
31:58out of his mouth, so...
32:01He's just going to be mean.
32:02He's just mean.
32:03It's years of him being mean
32:04and putting me down
32:05and making me feel less than.
32:07I'm nauseous.
32:07I'm already nauseous.
32:08thinking about it.
32:08My stomach's already upset
32:09thinking about it.
32:10But you have done
32:11so much in your life
32:13in the last, what,
32:14three years?
32:15Look where you're at now.
32:17Yes.
32:17You're a very
32:18independent woman.
32:19Yes.
32:19I've seen it in you.
32:21I watch what you can do
32:22and things will be better
32:23because it's you and I there.
32:25Okay.
32:26And it will be fine.
32:28I promise you.
32:30David's always been pushing
32:31for more communication
32:33and he's like,
32:35what do you want
32:35more than anything?
32:36And I'm like,
32:37for my kids
32:38to have a better relationship
32:39with their dad.
32:40And he goes,
32:40okay,
32:41then you have to show them
32:42how to have
32:43a good relationship
32:44with him.
32:45See, he's right with this too.
32:47It just sucks.
32:49You didn't marry him
32:50because he was
32:51a terrible guy.
32:52No, he was great.
32:53He was a great guy.
32:54But times change
32:55and things change.
32:56People change
32:56and people start
32:57going separate ways.
32:58Yeah.
32:59Everybody wants to keep
33:00living in the past.
33:01In the past
33:01and the past
33:01will never make you
33:03go to the future.
33:04So I need to think about it.
33:05This isn't an olive branch.
33:06This is a peace talk.
33:07That's a peace talk.
33:08This is not an olive branch
33:09from him.
33:10Let's just have to be
33:10a peace talk.
33:11Let's just move on.
33:12It doesn't matter.
33:13Things were said.
33:15Yeah.
33:15They're just going to move on
33:16and what can we do
33:16to make this better
33:17for our kids?
33:18And for us to be
33:19in the same room too
33:19because if we're going to
33:20all do family reunions
33:21like I wanted
33:22and get together
33:23like I wanted,
33:24this needs to happen.
33:25But I'm not going to be
33:26in that mosh pit, okay?
33:27Cody could be in that mosh pit.
33:28You don't want to be
33:29in the dancing mosh pit?
33:30No.
33:31I'll just tackle people.
33:32Okay.
33:33Okay.
33:34That sounds good.
33:37I've decided to leave.
33:38I'm going to leave Cody.
33:42When I first was leaving Cody,
33:43I remember like
33:44there were a couple
33:45of conversations
33:45where I'd be like,
33:46look, I'm sure
33:47that we could all
33:47get together at some point,
33:49you know,
33:50and have a family reunion,
33:51you know, once a year
33:52or something like that.
33:53And everyone kind of
33:53looked at me like
33:54I was a fool.
33:56But getting the kids together
33:57would be an awesome thing.
33:58I don't need to see the adults,
34:00but the kids need
34:01to get together for sure.
34:05If you want to have
34:06a reunion, a family,
34:07and I'm all for it.
34:08I have zero.
34:09I'm not jealous.
34:10I'm not insecure
34:11about them all
34:13having to get together
34:14because my main focus on
34:15is the kids
34:16having a good relationship
34:17with everybody.
34:18If you don't start
34:19having a relationship
34:19with your kids now,
34:21down the road
34:21when you need them,
34:22they're not going to be there.
34:23I tell you,
34:25don't let people
34:26walk all over you.
34:27No, I won't.
34:28So there you go.
34:29I won't.
34:32No, it's not going to be
34:33like it was before.
34:34I mean, I wouldn't allow it.
34:35I wouldn't put up with it.
34:35And David, oh my God,
34:36he'd become unglued.
34:38If Cody started to be mean
34:39or aggressive towards me
34:41or anything like that,
34:41no, no, God,
34:43David, no,
34:43he wouldn't allow that.
34:45But I wouldn't either.
34:46He wants to have a relationship.
34:49I just don't think
34:49he knows quite how to.
34:51No, I don't need
34:52to talk about anything
34:52with Cody.
34:53I would love to see him
34:54have a better relationship
34:55with his kids.
34:56If he's extending
34:57an olive branch here,
34:59we'll really then have
35:00a better relationship
35:00with my kids,
35:01you know,
35:02put them first.
35:04I love you.
35:05Love you too.
35:07Do you ever feel like
35:19our breakup was just
35:20inevitable?
35:23By the time it happened,
35:24I didn't see that we were
35:24ever going to turn around.
35:26Okay.
35:27But, you know what I mean,
35:29I was really ready
35:29to move on.
35:31So Cody and I,
35:32as any relationship does,
35:33has had like ups and downs.
35:35And some of our lows
35:36were pretty low.
35:36And we always managed
35:37to come back.
35:39You stay and talk.
35:39I'm done listening to you.
35:41You stay and talk.
35:42Uh, no.
35:43I'm not going to
35:44because you're not listening.
35:46You're not listening to me.
35:47And I'm not going to.
35:48Okay, so we're done?
35:49Goodbye.
35:49F*** you.
35:51The last time,
35:52I didn't want to reconcile.
35:54I didn't have any desire.
35:56The kids were definitely older.
35:57I didn't need
35:59the family's financial support
36:01as much.
36:02Like, it just,
36:02it just,
36:02there wasn't a lot of reasons
36:03to work through it.
36:05I feel like we've needed
36:07an olive branch,
36:08the entire family.
36:09And Janelle,
36:10you get the high honor
36:11in being the person
36:13I felt the safest with
36:14to start offering
36:15that olive branch.
36:17Oh, we did,
36:18we had a good,
36:19we had a,
36:19we had a great,
36:20like,
36:21like, I,
36:21I'm grateful
36:23for what we had.
36:24Yeah.
36:24I really am.
36:27Yeah.
36:27Thank you for being
36:28cool about this.
36:30I'm glad you came.
36:30Make it easy.
36:33Like,
36:33it was a great relationship.
36:34I still care about him.
36:36And I think he still cares
36:37about me,
36:37but I don't,
36:39he's not in my life
36:40and I'm not going
36:40to be in his life
36:41and there's nothing
36:43there now.
36:44I wish he had
36:45a better relationship
36:45with the children
36:46because then,
36:47you know,
36:47then there would be
36:48a little bit more cohesion
36:49for the family.
36:50But,
36:51I don't know.
36:52That's not,
36:52that's a long ways away,
36:53I suspect.
36:53I was thinking though,
36:56um,
36:58Garrison can qualify,
36:59I think,
36:59for a military headstone
37:01and I think
37:02he would love that
37:02because the military
37:03was a big part
37:04of his,
37:04like,
37:05what he loved,
37:05right?
37:05Okay.
37:06Yeah,
37:06he'd like him.
37:07So it's a matter
37:08of filing paperwork?
37:08Yeah,
37:09and I've got
37:09half of it done.
37:11I mean,
37:11I guess if you wanted
37:11to come up
37:12and meet me there,
37:12we can do that.
37:13So would it just be
37:14you and I going there
37:15to place the headstone?
37:16I'm okay.
37:17It doesn't have
37:17to be a big deal.
37:18Yeah,
37:18let's do it.
37:19We'll both go up there.
37:20Okay.
37:20I mean,
37:21that's fine.
37:21Like,
37:21we can just
37:22meet there or something.
37:23You know what I mean?
37:24Yeah.
37:24All right.
37:26Um,
37:26you know,
37:26I didn't know
37:28what to expect coming.
37:29I'm grateful
37:30for the experience
37:31and I'm grateful
37:31he came.
37:32It's been healing
37:33to hear some
37:34of those things.
37:35That's a great idea.
37:36Thanks for meeting
37:37with me.
37:37I really appreciate it.
37:40I think it went
37:41very well.
37:42Janelle was very
37:43gracious.
37:43She was very kind.
37:45I felt like
37:45she made it easy
37:47to do this apology.
37:51Like,
37:51this is a pilgrimage
37:53and I have planned it
37:54for so long
37:55and I've needed this
37:57for four years.
38:00Boy,
38:01there's a lot
38:01of pressure.
38:02It's windy.
38:03The door
38:04wasn't easy to open.
38:05So.
38:06All right.
38:07Anyway,
38:07thanks for meeting
38:08with me.
38:08I really appreciate it.
38:09We'll see you.
38:10All right.
38:10See you later.
38:11All right.
38:11Yeah,
38:17I've got two more
38:18wives to visit with.
38:19I get a little bit
38:21nervous thinking
38:22that it could go
38:23really,
38:23really wrong.
38:27This is my journey.
38:29This is something
38:29I am required to do.
38:31My hope is for them
38:33to receive it well.
38:35And if they don't,
38:36then we'll go back
38:39to God and say,
38:40what next?
38:40Do I do it again?
38:42I don't know.
38:49Next time on Sister Wives.
38:51Is there any part of you
38:52going away?
39:03I don't know.
39:04I don't know.
39:09Let's go.
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