- 6 hours ago
A video uploaded by Ash Hardell on (2016-06-19)
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00:01Loving women is just a beautiful, beautiful thing.
00:07My hair is bi-flag colors.
00:10It's not on purpose, but it's a cool coincidence.
00:14Hey everyone, so I have this friend, Arielle Scarcella,
00:17and long ago she made an undeniably regrettable video.
00:24If you had to describe bisexual girls in one word, what would it be?
00:27Greedy.
00:28To be honest with you, confused.
00:30I'll go with meth-y.
00:32Once Arielle realized her video contains some pretty bi-phobic, hurtful,
00:37and just generally not super cool sentiments,
00:40she attempted to make things somewhat better by extending her channel to bi-individuals
00:44in order to give them a platform to share their thoughts on the matter
00:47and defend themselves.
00:49That was my idea.
00:51It's like this constant battle for me to have to prove myself
00:55every time I talk to somebody.
00:57Gay women don't think I'm gay enough.
00:59They're like, the second they hear girls bisexual, they're like,
01:01oh, peace out.
01:02Oh, did you see young side braid Ashley?
01:06Oh, how things have changed.
01:08Two years later and Arielle has reached out to me once again because she would like to make amends even more.
01:13Her hope is to remake the originally contentious video in a way that highlights the importance of learning, growth, and open-mindedness.
01:19No more bi-phobia.
01:20I agreed to make the counter video because last time bi people only got a voice after the initial video was posted
01:26and we thought it'd be cool to have some representation right away.
01:29I also sometimes think there tends to be a rift between the lesbian and bi communities, which is so unfortunate.
01:34And another reason I'm making this video.
01:36Maybe through some constructive dialogue and analysis we can help shrink this wedge.
01:40Which is why I bring you Bisexuals Explain Dating Lesbians.
01:46I will half be moderating, half participating in this discussion.
01:49Question one.
01:50Who are you and how do you identify?
01:52Hi, I'm Racy Spulton.
01:54Uh, my name is Amy.
01:56Gabby Dunn.
01:57Oh yeah, my name's Savannah.
01:58I am, I say bisexual, but also queer or pansexual works too.
02:04I know people have different, like, weird things about that.
02:08But I've always used bisexual.
02:09I'm bisexual.
02:10And I am bisexual.
02:11I identify as bisexual.
02:13Very, very cool.
02:14I am also a bi, pan, queer, multisexual person.
02:18Next question.
02:19Have you ever dated somebody who identifies as a lesbian?
02:21I have dated someone who identifies as a lesbian.
02:24Well, I'm married to a lesbian right now.
02:25Yes.
02:26I have dated people who identified as lesbians.
02:29I have not ever dated anyone who identifies as a lesbian.
02:32Wait, what?
02:33Oh, so you've dated a bi girl.
02:35I haven't dated a girl.
02:37I've been sort of in a relationship with girls, but I haven't, like, properly dated.
02:42You're trying to tell me you don't need to prove your sexuality with your dating history?
02:47You can be a bi lady who's only seriously dated men or is seriously dating a man?
02:52That's a thing?
02:53What?
02:54I know, it's absolutely astonishing.
02:57Um, but yeah, you totally can.
03:00It's extremely possible.
03:03No, of course this is a possibility.
03:05Most of you know how strongly I feel about this.
03:08All you need to validly be bi is to identify.
03:13It's so true, it rhymes.
03:14And hey, Grace, in fact, was my very first serious lady relationship.
03:19I was still totally bi before her, though.
03:21Alright people, have you ever experienced bi-phobia or just general weirdness about your bisexuality from a lesbian person?
03:30Whether that be a partner or not.
03:32Not from a lesbian partner, no.
03:34Uh, actually.
03:35You're dirty bisexual!
03:38The lesbian that I am currently casually, very casually dating is super, super accepting of bisexuality.
03:46Um, didn't even bat an eyelash when I told her I was bi.
03:49I've never had a problem with that, but I've had a problem from other people.
03:52I'm trying to do a bisexual series myself, and I've made one video, and I had loads of people send me messages saying,
03:59Oh, you've changed my opinion about bisexuality, I would never have dated a bisexual before,
04:04and it's like, even though it's good that their minds have maybe been changed by listening to what I have to say,
04:09it's quite upsetting that people just, without knowing the facts, would just instantly be like,
04:14Oh yeah, I've never dated bisexuals.
04:16A lot of the negativity that I've gotten has been on getting excluded from lesbian circles,
04:24or being legitimized by having a girlfriend.
04:27Like, if I have a girlfriend, I'm legitimized, and I'm back allowed in the club.
04:31And then if I'm dating a man, I'm not allowed in the club.
04:35I mean, and this totally happened when I first came out as bi,
04:37I felt this overwhelming, crushing, like, need to prove how bi I was,
04:43and to prove, like, how hot I thought, like, women were.
04:47I don't love the implication from lesbians, which I get often, that I'm somehow less than,
04:54for, like, I shouldn't be involved in their group, or I've had it easier, or like,
04:59well, at the end of the day, you could just go date a man, so you would be fine.
05:03In the event of what?
05:05Is it then even possible for a lesbian person and a bisexual person to be in a loving, trusting relationship?
05:10It is possible for a bisexual person and a lesbian person to be in a relationship.
05:16A healthy, trusting relationship.
05:18Absolutely. 100%. No doubt in my mind.
05:22Obviously, because I'm a bisexual person who's in a relationship with a straight person.
05:27Like, surely that's the exact same thing, except a bit opposite.
05:32Opposite.
05:33I am 100% living proof that it is 100% possible for a lesbian and a bisexual to have a long-term,
05:41lifetime, lasting, trusting, loving relationship.
05:44My wife Rose, we've been together five years this year, married for over one year, and there's no problem,
05:50because sexuality has nothing to do with anything. Like, you know, you're in a relationship with someone you love,
05:57so if the relationship's gonna work, you've gotta have other factors like love and trust, but your sexuality doesn't affect that.
06:03There is biphobia in the lesbian community that makes it tough in the sense that, like, if you are a lesbian who doesn't have negative feelings about bisexuals,
06:12your friends might, and they might give you shit. The way that your friends behave, like, oh, she's bisexual and blah.
06:18Or, like, the high-fiving over being gold star, or whatever it is, like, that happens when you hang out.
06:23Yeah, sometimes even people who know me will still say biphobic things in front of me, and I'll just sit there and be like,
06:28uh, hello? And they'll say some BS, like, oh, not you, though, Ashley. You're cool, and you and Grace are solid.
06:35You know what we mean. And I'm like, no, I don't. What do you mean?
06:40That is what could cause problems in the relationship, but if you guys acknowledge that and talk about it and, uh,
06:45tell people to shut the fuck up, then, like, I think, obviously, it's as doable as any other relationship.
06:52So a lesbian person and a bisexual person just start dating. How do they make it work?
06:57I think the key to making it work is talking about it.
07:00Yeah, Rose and I talked about my bisexuality and her being a lesbian all the time.
07:04Um, we've discussed, like, extensively our relationship history.
07:09You know, they might have questions, and that's totally fine, and I think some people may even have insecurities.
07:15Because of the nature of biphobia, there is that question of, like, commitment and blah, blah, blah.
07:20Yeah, that's, like, the only question I'm kind of eh about. The do you think you'll ever leave me for the other gender question.
07:25No, that's not what being bisexual is, and that implies we're, like, flaky or never to be satisfied, which isn't true.
07:36But at the same time, I kind of get it, and I do want people to learn, and...
07:41At the end of the day, you've got to tell people how it is if they want to know, and then how, you know, how are you gonna get rid of these, you know, misconceptions without talking about it.
07:49Do you think there is a rift that exists between the bisexual and lesbian communities? If so, why?
07:56I definitely think there's a wedge that exists.
07:58It's more stuff that I've encountered on the internet, like on Tumblr or on YouTube.
08:03I think it comes down to biphobia, and again, this idea that, you know, we just were not sure.
08:09I think there is a rift between the bisexual and lesbian communities, and I wish there wasn't.
08:13Like, I had a friend who is a lesbian who is very, you know, open-minded or whatever, and she was like, ugh, all the girls that I hooked up with in college are married to men.
08:25Perhaps they are bisexual, like, and it's not about you. Like, if the implication becomes that it's some failing on your part, or that it's about you in any way.
08:34No, I don't feel like it's a war, unless either, like, lesbian, bisexual, ahhh. I just feel that there is still, like, a divide.
08:43I was at an awards ceremony recently, and this gay famous man, Alan Carr, made a speech, and it's very interesting.
08:50He said in his speech that the LGBT community is the only, like, minority community that cannibalize ourselves.
08:59He said, you know, we have real enemies. You know, there are people who don't want gay marriage.
09:03You know, there are people who don't like gay people, you know, against trans people.
09:07All these, you know, we have real enemies, so why do we fight against each other in our group?
09:13We should all respect each other.
09:15I think the rift on the internet just kind of stems from a lack of understanding and a lack of discourse,
09:22because I think once lesbians and bisexuals sit down and actually talk to each other about their experiences,
09:29I think that they'll find that there's a lot of overlap in, like, the stigma that we face,
09:34and I think that that can really bond us and help us overcome, you know, some of the stereotypes that exist.
09:42So at the end of it all, what do you ladies wish bisexual people and lesbian people understood about each other?
09:48Loving women is just a beautiful, beautiful thing, and that's something that we both share,
09:55and I think if we kept that in mind, I think that could really help bind us.
10:00Yeah, I don't know, I guess it's just, it all comes down to respect for identity.
10:04I wish people just understood that different relationships are different relationships.
10:08Like, why is it so easy for you to go,
10:10Oh, well, Katie used to date Dave, and then they broke up, and now she dates John.
10:14Like, why, and, and, why is that, like, so easy to understand?
10:17But me having, like, dated, like, Catherine and then dating Gary is, like, bananas to people.
10:26It's two different people either way. It's this weird gender shift that I don't think needs to exist,
10:33and I wish people that were monosexual understood that about bisexual people.
10:39But, alas, what are you gonna do? Make videos, I guess.
10:43Perfect!
10:45Personally, I think some of the major lessons we can take away from this conversation are
10:50Bisexuality is real, and valid, and real, and real, and valid, and real, and a real thing that is valid and real.
10:57And real. And valid.
11:00Biphobia, sadly, is also real, and very shitty.
11:04It is totally possible for a bisexual person and a lesbian person to be in a loving, trusting relationship.
11:09Right, love?
11:11Yeah, what, what am I doing?
11:13Is it, is it possible? I just, I just, I wanted some confirmation, some proof for the people,
11:18that it's possible for a bisexual person and a lesbian person to be in a loving, trusting relationship.
11:23Oh yeah, we do that all the time.
11:25We do?
11:26Yeah.
11:27Yeah.
11:28See? See? See? A lot of lesbians can be really great.
11:32And finally, lesbian people and bisexual people actually have a ton in common,
11:35and face many of the same or similar challenges.
11:38And that's one of the reasons we should work towards breaking down the barriers that sometimes exist between us.
11:43Hope you enjoyed the video.
11:44If you like, you can go watch the opposite version on Arielle's channel.
11:47I'm gonna do that.
11:48I'm excited, and hope to see some kind, compassionate bi allies.
11:52Fingers crossed!
11:54Okay, bye!
11:55Okay, bye.
11:57Um, I don't wanna, I don't think it's just lesbians that have an issue.
12:04Like, I think lesbians are, have been, have said some shitty, like, stuff to me in the past,
12:11but straight men as well have, like, issues with dating bisexual women in a totally different way
12:18that I think is also stupid.
12:20And so they should watch this video too, because whatever applies to lesbians applies to you as well.
12:26Perfect, and I wanna make one more addition, possibly.
12:30So you said that, uh, lesbian people can be guilty of biphobia,
12:33and then you said straight men can be, uh, guilty of biphobia.
12:36Do you think that bisexual people can be guilty of biphobia?
12:39I, yes.
12:41Does u comment there?
12:42I have been murdered okay?
12:43I have been murdered, right?
12:44Yes?
12:45Whether it's bald, or so?
12:46Sorry!
12:47You put your sex right there!
12:48Yeah, no!
12:49Oh, yeah photos, whatever!
12:50I hope to keep going.
12:51Um, same thing with feeling that costumes at 500,000.
12:52Didn't feel quite PFic in this bar?
12:53Yes?
12:54ะฑะตั, bad news, amazing!
12:55See?
12:56Natalie, dental power, hip hop, didn't feel good.
12:57I'm not too bad anyway.
13:00Great job 400,000.
13:01Looking in theoralice, in your energy?
13:03But those again, no idea.
13:06You're pretty desperate in your garden,
13:07who I need to do lavender,
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