- 5 hours ago
Acting Good - Season 4 Episode 8 -
The Spy Who Snagged Me
The Spy Who Snagged Me
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00It's the compositional form, the undercurrent of defiance.
00:05One could be forgiven for characterizing this painting as cheeky.
00:12Ah, a young artisan eating ketchup chips.
00:15Sup?
00:15I haven't seen a butt painted in such detail since Genevieve Plum's Wall of Bums.
00:21A paint cheats flat the way creator intended.
00:23I sit on the board of admissions for the prestigious Arts University for the Learned,
00:28located in Moncton, New Brunswick.
00:32The Paris of the Maritimes?
00:33Truly.
00:34If you could put a portfolio together, I would see to it myself that it would get into the right hands.
00:39Hey, you there, art-tweeb.
00:42No aristocrats.
00:44Go on, git, and take your no-arm glasses back to Moncton.
00:49Artsy-fartsy snob.
00:51Wouldn't last five minutes and stony.
00:53Yes, I can love you, baby.
00:55Hit it all night long.
01:00He's in the wall, I think, Stig.
01:02He's in the wall, I think, Stig.
01:04Paul is the new water guy now, and is behind the wheel of the truck as we speak.
01:09Which is kind of scary, because he doesn't have his license.
01:12So if you're out on the road, look out.
01:15He's still ironing out the kings.
01:19Fuck, boy!
01:20So, you're going, right?
01:24I just finished school.
01:26Why would I go to another one?
01:27Because at this one, you can just fuck around and drop pictures.
01:31In Moncton, New Brunswick.
01:33Way better than Old Brunswick.
01:35I do love fucking around.
01:38And look at how deadly these kids look in the pamphlet.
01:41This could be you, all sad and tortured.
01:49Okay, I'll do it.
01:50Moncton, Moncton, Moncton.
01:53But I'm going to do it on my own terms.
01:55Art shouldn't be locked up in museums, confined by walls.
01:59My art's for the people.
02:01Yo, look at this pamphlet.
02:02It says, Be Bear Smart.
02:04And there's a picture of a man running from a bear.
02:06What's with you guys and pamphlets?
02:08Pamphlets, pamphlets, pamphlets!
02:12How many bank counselors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
02:17How many?
02:18None.
02:19They don't screw in light bulbs.
02:21They screw us.
02:26Light bulbs.
02:28They get real hot, too, and then sometimes you burn your hands on them.
02:32What?
02:33Beat it, you big round rat.
02:35You're just mad at me because I stole your job, and now you have to be the sewage driver.
02:41Oh, fucking genius here.
02:43Well, you go away.
02:44You're just mad at me because you only think I got this job from sleeping around with Counselor Rose all the time.
02:49Ha!
02:50Yeah, you think?
02:51Well, the joke's on you, because ever since we had the baby, I've had sex zero times.
02:57Oh, yeah.
02:58Oh, sorry about that.
03:00Yeah, I hope that picks up for you.
03:03Wait, fuck you, man.
03:04Go back to sitting by yourself.
03:06Fine, but I'm going to try fitting in with you guys so hard.
03:12We got big budget negotiations with Chief and Counsel coming out.
03:15Yeah, so?
03:16So?
03:17This guy wants to fit in so bad, he told us about his love life.
03:21Imagine what he would tell us about Chief and Counsel.
03:29Holy fuck, that's hot!
03:34Hey, boss, need your signature.
03:36Yeah, man.
03:41Missed, but I'm sure it's okay.
03:43Hey, uh, so my friends and I were, uh, curious if we could use the store to play a Wizards
03:51and Wendigos campaign.
03:53Is that, like, where you pretend to kill dragons in some kind of little dungeon?
03:57No, it's actually a pen and paper role-playing game.
04:00We would use our usual place, but it's being fumigated for wolves.
04:04Scary wolves.
04:05Yeah.
04:05One second.
04:08All right, you know how Yan Man's got this badass biker bar feel to it?
04:13Sure.
04:15Of course, bro.
04:16Yeah, well, these nerdlingers are gonna kill that cool vibe.
04:19We can hear you.
04:25We could pay cash.
04:28Good one, Willie.
04:29Hey, uh, what are you guys talking about over here?
04:33Oh, you don't want to hear about this.
04:34No, no, no, I'm one of you guys now.
04:37We were just talking about how Chief and Counsel's been busting our balls at the bargaining table.
04:42She says, there's no more money for public works.
04:46Man, that's just like Rose.
04:49Just stingy.
04:50Did you know that she only lets me have two wieners when I know for a fact that there's 12 motherfuckers that come in a package?
04:56You know what?
04:57Maybe there is something you can do for us.
04:59Well, actually...
05:01No, no, no, no.
05:02Never mind.
05:03What is it?
05:03No, Willie said never mind.
05:05No, I always mind.
05:06I never not mind.
05:08Well, maybe when you go home, you could get some info from Rose.
05:14Yeah, something to help us negotiate.
05:17Huh.
05:18I mean, we're practically family.
05:20Right?
05:20You water, me garbage, Trudy shit.
05:24Just maybe you could come and sit with us at the big table.
05:31The big table?
05:33Oh, you got yourselves a deal.
05:36Wow.
05:38They call it Le Macaroni de Lips.
05:43His eyes follow you around like a pervert at a gas station.
05:46How come he's got a macaroni on his lip?
05:49Because he showed up to school one day with a macaroni on his lip.
05:53That's why they call him Lips.
05:55Oh, I need pics for my portfolio.
05:57Hey, I'm going to go grab my camera.
06:01Critical hit.
06:02We're all for damage.
06:04So those cheap little dudes, those are the good guys?
06:07Sage is a Kung Fu monk, and Sonya is a druid who uses land-based magic.
06:12Huh.
06:13Kung Fu monk, eh?
06:15Pretty cool, I guess.
06:17They just finished slaying an evil orc, and now they're rummaging through his stuff to find some clues.
06:21Rummaging, hey?
06:23Sounds cool, I guess.
06:27Gielsen.
06:28What's the buy-in?
06:30Sorry, guys.
06:30Our session ended anyways.
06:35But, uh, if you want, you can join us tomorrow.
06:38Yeah, that'd be cool.
06:39I mean, uh...
06:39Yeah.
06:40Yeah?
06:41Yeah, sure, whatever.
06:42If you haven't seen the Lips painting, get your cheats down there.
06:48I've laughed at Lips pretty hard before, but never this hard.
06:52Code beige.
06:53Officer humiliated.
07:00Hey, babe.
07:01Oh, you scared me.
07:04Yeah.
07:05I didn't want to wake up PJ.
07:08Oh, he's out with your mom right now.
07:10Cool, cool.
07:12So, uh, why don't you tell me about your work and spare...
07:17No details.
07:19You never ask about work.
07:20I'm a working man now.
07:22I love talking work stuff with my baby.
07:27Well...
07:27Oh.
07:29It's Dee Dee.
07:30I have to take this.
07:33Willie wants more?
07:35I know we have a surplus, but they don't know that.
07:37Surplus?
07:42Well, he hasn't seen the budget, so we don't have to worry about that.
07:46Budget?
07:47Budget.
07:47Since when do you dust?
07:52Dust?
07:55Break it up.
07:56Go home.
07:57There's nothing to see here.
07:58Look, Lips has a macaroni on his lip, just like in the painting.
08:04Ow!
08:05Stop laughing!
08:08This is a violation of the law.
08:11What?
08:11What are you...
08:12Hey!
08:13Hey!
08:14That's my painting!
08:16It's graffiti.
08:17I need that for art school.
08:18Effective immediately, I'm banning all forms of graffiti under threat of BCR.
08:23Stupid fucking pamphlet.
08:39a fucking pamphlet.
08:43Sweetie bird.
08:47Is everything okay?
08:49It's the last time I tried to be a sad painter in Moncton.
08:53Hmm. Let me tell you a story.
08:57When I was young, I wanted to be an actor.
09:02Just like Michelle Kennedy on Earth of 60.
09:06That's oddly specific.
09:08The point is, I never followed my dreams.
09:13And I always regretted it.
09:16I see.
09:18So screw lips.
09:20And you do whatever you need to do to be whoever you want to be.
09:26Thanks, Cuckoo. I love you.
09:31Now if you'll excuse me, I have some expressing myself to do.
09:35Mm-hmm.
09:40Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast.
09:43London.
09:45See what you got?
09:47I'm sorry. I couldn't find nothing.
09:49The missed seats.
09:51Taken.
09:52For fuck.
09:53I really tried.
09:54But all she kept going off on was budget and surplus.
09:59Blah, blah, blah.
10:00Wait.
10:01What?
10:02Who said the reserve was broke?
10:04We're gonna kill them in negotiations.
10:06I'm really sorry.
10:07Please, just give me one more chance and I promise that I'll show you.
10:11Why don't you have a seat?
10:14No fooling?
10:15That's all yours, big guy.
10:16Are you guys seeing this? The table.
10:22Wow.
10:25Jealous.
10:27We should tell some jokes.
10:28I am Gijiga, the fastest barbarian in the land.
10:35And a magnet of babes.
10:40I am Zakan, the enchanter.
10:45And I too am a magnet of babes.
10:49What?
10:50I am the magnet of babes.
10:53There could be two magnets.
10:55Nerds.
10:56Okay, let's start.
10:58So, you're all in the desert.
11:02When a huge fire-breathing dragon just rips through the air.
11:06You look to follow it and I jump 500 feet and I punch the dragon.
11:11You die from the fall damage.
11:13I have an amulet of slow fall.
11:17You guys are too much.
11:24Yes.
11:26One wiener?
11:29Two wiener?
11:32Three wiener?
11:34Hey babe.
11:35I was just kidding!
11:37Today was brutal.
11:39Willy and Trudy would not take no for an answer.
11:42All the extra money we had saved got eaten up by their demands.
11:45Really, eh?
11:48It's like they knew about the surplus.
11:51How could they know?
11:52I ask you how?
11:56You know what you could do for your babe?
11:59Actually, never mind.
12:01No!
12:02What is it?
12:03Tell me!
12:05Maybe when you go to work you could get some information for me?
12:10You want me to spy on my casual work acquaintances.
12:17Well, I'm not sure I'm saying that.
12:25That's...
12:26That's enough wieners for two whole days.
12:30Get dirt at any cost.
12:33Seduce them if you have to.
12:39It has been a long battle.
12:42Four hours long.
12:44So you finally chase down Manamon's spy to a small church.
12:48Zaycan, the hero of the party, strides up to a fallen orc.
12:54I cast fireball, not the spy.
12:57Fireball is a 20-foot ball of fire.
13:01You're in a small church.
13:03I cast...
13:07Fireball.
13:11Everyone is weak from the fight.
13:15Fireball!
13:16Yeah!
13:18Fine.
13:19You cast fireball.
13:20You kill everyone in the room.
13:22Yes!
13:24TPK!
13:25Is that what you want?
13:30Shit, maybe we went too far.
13:32Yeah, maybe.
13:34Wanna go again?
13:35Yeah!
13:36Alright!
13:40Oh, hey guys.
13:41Is it me?
13:47Or is it getting...
13:51hot in here?
13:53It's actually a perfect Tim.
13:54Really?
13:55Then why am I...
13:58so sweaty?
14:00It's because you have four t-shirts underneath there.
14:03Oh my!
14:05You know it is!
14:07So...
14:08do you guys enjoy...
14:11the sex?
14:12What?
14:13Nothing, I was just kidding.
14:15No, or was I?
14:16Stop fucking around, Sidon.
14:20We took Chief and Council for a ride.
14:23Yeah, all that surplus shit paid off.
14:25We don't even need all the money we're getting.
14:28Said we needed new trucks,
14:30new uniforms,
14:32new...
14:33everything.
14:35And they had no choice but to pony up.
14:37Suckers!
14:40Come with us to the band office later.
14:42Watch us sign the deal.
14:45I would, but I have...
14:49Your own funny work mug.
14:54Get it?
14:56It says mug life?
14:58Like thug life?
15:00It's because we love coffee so much.
15:02Get it? Get it?
15:03Take that, lips.
15:04Why does that pig have tentacles?
15:06I don't think that's a pig.
15:07And those aren't tentacles.
15:08Holy, I didn't know men had those!
15:10Hey!
15:11Oh shit, it's the fuzz!
15:12Hey!
15:13Stop right there!
15:14Run!
15:15No fucking way!
15:16Halt!
15:17In the name of the law!
15:18Come on lips, lighten up.
15:19Why do you hate art?
15:20I don't hate art.
15:21I hate vandalism.
15:23I'm actually more of a film guy.
15:24Really?
15:25We'll discuss this later.
15:26You're in big trouble.
15:27Yeah?
15:28Well what are you gonna do about it?
15:29What am I gonna do?
15:30Your BC art.
15:31That's what I'm gonna do.
15:32No!
15:34Okay, contracts on the table.
15:35All it needs is your signatures.
15:37And then you can't wait.
15:38You can't wait.
15:39You can't wait.
15:40You can't wait.
15:41You can't wait.
15:42You can't wait.
15:43You can't wait.
15:44You can't wait.
15:45You can't wait.
15:46You can't wait.
15:47You can't wait.
15:48You can wait.
15:49Halt!
15:50And enable the law.
15:51Come on, lips lighten up.
15:52Why do you hate art?
15:53I don't hate art.
15:54I hate vandalism.
15:55What needs is your signatures.
15:57Yeah!
15:58They are in this paper.
16:00I even brought my best pen for this.
16:04It's nothing personal.
16:06It's just business.
16:08Actually, speaking of business...
16:14What?
16:15What did you do that for?
16:17I have it on good authority that Public Works doesn't even need all that money you asked for.
16:22Not true!
16:23Trucks are up to date.
16:24Uniform's in good shape.
16:25You even have funny mug money.
16:28Who told you about the funny mug money?
16:31Who told you about the surplus?
16:39Mama!
16:41I knew we couldn't trust this fucking guy.
16:43How could you?
16:44Even me?
16:45Your baby mama and babe?
16:48No.
16:49I ratted out both sides.
16:52Evenly.
16:53I want the mug back.
16:55Make him the shit guy.
16:57That's it.
16:58You're down to two hot dogs a day.
17:00Hey, is it me?
17:02Or is it getting hot in here?
17:05Oh, stop it.
17:06Well, we wouldn't even be here if you guys knew how to openly talk with each other.
17:11You all used me.
17:14Yeah!
17:15You should all be ashamed of yourselves, making me resort to my sexy tactics.
17:23I want you all to sit down and talk about what you all did while I leave the room.
17:31Wait.
17:33He's right.
17:35I told Paul to get info on you guys.
17:38We said the same thing.
17:41We bribed him with chairs and mugs.
17:45How about we all take a look at the numbers together in a good way?
17:51In a good way?
17:52Eh?
17:54We haven't tried honesty and kindness yet.
17:56My two favorite things.
17:58Babe, we have work to do.
17:59So, what do I get for bringing everyone together?
18:04Ooh, a brand new funny mug.
18:06Four wieners?
18:09Out.
18:10Yeah.
18:15Hey.
18:16Just came to get our game.
18:17Hey.
18:18I'm glad you guys came back.
18:19Yeah.
18:20We wanted to say sorry and give you this scroll of apology.
18:26It's not a real thing, but...
18:29Thanks.
18:30That's so sweet.
18:32Okay.
18:33Let's go, guys.
18:34Hey, so, look.
18:35I know we got carried away and destroyed the whole village.
18:39That was too much.
18:40But we loved this game so much.
18:43Is it a crime to love this game so much?
18:47We can change, I swear.
18:48Give us one more campaign and you will see we are different now.
18:52Okay, how about this?
18:54Every Wednesday we'll come back and have a game night.
18:58But you have to promise to be chill.
19:01We're as cool as a plus two frost dagger.
19:05Roll initiative.
19:07For round two?
19:08It's us here!
19:09Leave her alone, lips.
19:10Sorry, Hilda.
19:11You do the crime, you do the time.
19:12Wait.
19:13She didn't paint it.
19:14It's okay.
19:15No, it's not.
19:16I painted it.
19:17Nice try.
19:18She's lying.
19:19I painted it.
19:20I painted it too.
19:21So did I.
19:22I also painted it.
19:25That's impossible.
19:27Looks like everyone painted it.
19:28You're all BCR'd.
19:34Why don't you take a look at the painting first?
19:35Take it in.
19:36Use your damn eyes, lips!
19:39Alright.
19:40Fine.
19:48This is just a initiative.
19:51What is that pig have tentacles?
19:54I don't think that's a pig.
19:56And those aren't tentacles.
19:58Oh my god, I understand it now.
20:01You do?
20:03Laws are just threats made by the ruling class to hold on to power.
20:09Uh, yeah, man.
20:12I've seen enough. You're all free to go.
20:16I too have seen enough.
20:19This is true art.
20:23There is a voice inside of you that must be heard.
20:26Not bottled up here in Grouse Lake.
20:28Applications be damned.
20:29I am prepared to offer you a full scholarship.
20:32The world needs to see this bird fly!
20:41Chickity!
20:43You think she went to Moncton?
20:51There's a note.
20:53Hey dickheads.
20:57I want you to know that I turned down the art school.
21:01I'm gonna travel and see all the art I can.
21:05I'm like a badass.
21:07I'll be back at some point, so...
21:09Don't take my shit!
21:13Well, she did say don't take my shit.
21:15But, she didn't say anything about not using it.
21:18Right?
21:20Nope.
21:21Well, these games ain't gonna play themselves.
21:25They give me reasons why I should walk away.
21:30You looking at me, girl.
21:32What can I say?
21:33I've got it better.
21:37I've got it better.
21:42Think I'm in trouble.
21:44Trouble is my fun.
21:46I taste the heart here.
21:48Maybe too much.
21:49I've got it better.
21:51No.
21:53I've got it...
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