00:00All right, Clayton, how's it going?
00:03Overall, pretty good.
00:04Yeah, it's been a lot.
00:05A lot's happened this last year of my life, but overall, I'm in good spirits today.
00:09So it's all I can ask for.
00:11That's great.
00:12And I want to thank you for being here to talk about BDD, being so open about it and
00:16everything, because I'm sure, you know, it's not something that's super easy to talk about.
00:19So why was it important for you to spread awareness about this and talk about it so
00:23publicly?
00:23Yeah, I think for me, I've realized that talking about it, it's received such a positive
00:33response from the first time that I talked about it on a national platform and it aired
00:37on TV.
00:38I had both men and women reaching out to me in my direct messages on Instagram and just
00:44telling me they were thanking me for being so open and vulnerable on the male side of
00:49things like the guys would say, you know, hey, I thought that only men struggle with
00:53this, but this makes me feel really great that I'm not alone.
00:57And women shared a similar sentiment of it's so great to just feel that again, like that
01:03someone's talking about this because it is something that a lot of us that struggle with
01:07it might not feel comfortable talking about because it's prevalent, but maybe not more
01:14prevalent than other disorders out there.
01:18And so I think that's where sometimes maybe we feel a sense of guilt that, oh, people
01:23won't understand us.
01:24So we just would rather not talk about it because it's an issue that's only affects a select few
01:31is I think the way I used to see it too, where I just didn't want to talk about it because
01:35I'm like, well, this isn't prevalent.
01:36And I used to think it wasn't prevalent amongst men.
01:39So I thought, okay, well, I don't want to put a target on me by opening up about it.
01:44So I'd rather just suppress it because at least that way, no one knows I'm struggling with
01:49it.
01:50But I realized that all that does is just leads to a pile up.
01:53So my big focus now is having these conversations because it's therapeutic to me, but I also see
02:00the benefit across the board where the more times we talk about this, the more it becomes
02:04commonplace in our day-to-day discussions and more people will come out and externalize
02:09their pain and their struggles.
02:11And through externalizing, I think they're more likely to become happier long-term.
02:16Yeah, absolutely.
02:17And I think part of the reason that maybe people don't talk about it is because they think
02:22they're feeling a certain way.
02:23They don't necessarily know there's a name for it or that, like you said, it's something
02:26that other people are dealing with too.
02:28So when did you kind of realize that this was something that was like an actual thing that
02:34you were dealing with and not just like an insecurity in your mind?
02:38When I, yeah, when it came to, when I finally realized that I wasn't the only one struggling
02:43with it, it was probably late high school to college.
02:46I started to do research online.
02:49I started looking at resources and I found these statistics and how men suffer with it
02:55as much as women do.
02:56And I thought, well, this is incredible because it's a shock to me because my narrative prior
03:01did not fit what this true narrative is.
03:04So my reality has been somewhat of a lie up until this point.
03:08So through, I figured it out right around, yeah, like late high school to college.
03:13And then from that point now, especially with the spotlight I'm in, I just want to be able
03:17to highlight and get out this message to those that maybe haven't gotten, haven't come to
03:23that place yet of, um, understanding or, or, um, just of education where they're like,
03:28oh my gosh, like maybe they're still thinking that, that they're the only ones struggling
03:31with this.
03:32And so, uh, through partnering up with organizations like the ADA that has these support groups
03:36online that individuals can feel comfortable with joining, or even if they want to find a
03:41therapist in their area, ADA has a tool for that.
03:43Um, talking to the professionals, these experts, knowing there's resources out there to better
03:48manage, uh, the struggles they're facing, I think that's what it's all about is letting
03:52people know that, Hey, there are solutions to these problems you face.
03:56Um, and in fact, though, you're just not the only one that's going through it.
04:00There are so many others.
04:01So just know that you're not fighting this alone.
04:04Did, because obviously, like you mentioned before, the last year has been kind of crazy
04:07for you.
04:08You've been like super in the spotlight, kind of nonstop.
04:11Did that kind of like amplify the struggle for you at all, or make things harder for you
04:14in terms of your BDD?
04:15Yeah, I think, uh, I mentioned this, um, there was an episode where I was, um, you know, I
04:22was, I was stripped down to just my briefs and I had to run around the streets of LA.
04:26And, uh, I remember when that episode was going to air, I was freaked out because I thought,
04:32well, if I have a bad body, all of them, all of the people online will let me know.
04:36I've since realized that that was not, uh, that was very dangerous to place that much power
04:41in the hands of others.
04:42Um, but, uh, thankfully, I guess through that experience, I, I, I found that if I, in order
04:47for me to better manage these, um, these, the struggles that I have, I need to protect
04:52myself, which means I need to only really place weight and the opinions of those around
04:57me that love me and care about me.
04:58Uh, the show taught me that I can't please everyone.
05:00So I just have to ultimately find inner peace and self-love, uh, and that's, what's going
05:05to carry me through my life.
05:06So, um, the show, I guess, really just brought to light my insecurities and areas where I,
05:12I felt that, uh, maybe I had thought I had a good grasp on them and then realized I had
05:17to make adjustments to better protect myself long-term.
05:20Yeah.
05:21Yeah, absolutely.
05:21And I mean, I know that the show wasn't probably the easiest experience for you.
05:26You went through a lot on there, but what's something that you kind of took away from that
05:29and like maybe learned about yourself from being on the show, like a positive aspect.
05:33Yeah, I think a positive is that I, um, you know, I realized that these insecurities of
05:40mine, they were brought to light and for all to see, um, being a people pleaser.
05:45That was, that was one of the biggest insecurities I had.
05:47I would try to keep everybody happy, uh, and I would do everything in my power with sometimes
05:52not really focusing on the ramifications or taking the time to understand that, you know,
05:58maybe someone wants me to do this for an ulterior motive.
06:00So, uh, the show helped me realize that at the end of the day, I have to do what's best
06:04for me and, and if possible for those around me, um, but I can't try to make everybody happy.
06:10It's impossible.
06:10So I will say the show really taught me that it was a great lesson for me to learn that,
06:14um, I, I had to protect my own health at the end of the day and I have to do what's
06:19best.
06:19And, um, I, I can live with, uh, at the end of the day, I can live with my own decisions
06:24and having to explain my actions.
06:26Uh, but if I'm doing things for other people, well, then it doesn't feel like it's full,
06:31like it was fully my decision sometimes.
06:32And that was, that was a struggle I faced coming off the show was taking full accountability.
06:37So, uh, that I, the positive is that I now do that going forward.
06:41I'm only making decisions for what's best for me and my, my family and friends around
06:44me.
06:45Well, that's great.
06:46That's a great takeaway to take away from it.
06:48Um, and look, I have to ask you, obviously just went through a pretty public breakup, um,
06:53following the show.
06:53So, so I think people are a little confused because then, you know, you guys did the interview
06:57together a few days ago.
06:58So like, where exactly do you and Susie stand now?
07:01Are you still talking?
07:02What's going on?
07:03Uh, yeah, we're not, I mean, we every so often check in with each other, uh, just because
07:08we care.
07:09Uh, we obviously have love for each other.
07:10So we want to make sure that we're both handling this breakup, um, in a, in a, in a good way
07:15or as good as we can.
07:16Um, but we did the, the biggest reason.
07:19Yeah.
07:19We did the, uh, the joint podcast because, uh, we want everyone to understand that, Hey,
07:25we're like, we're gonna only speak on this once.
07:27And, uh, but we're, we're in support of each other and, and we have so much love for each
07:32other.
07:32So, um, who knows what down the road, like what it looks like, um, right now, um, we just
07:38feel that, Hey, we need to heal ourselves.
07:40And then, uh, once we're able to heal ourselves, who knows like what the future holds.
07:45We just are right now though, taking this time to prioritize our own mental well-being
07:49separately.
07:50Yeah.
07:51It could be just the right person, wrong time.
07:53You never know.
07:53We'll see.
07:54And I never know with life.
07:56Life is always going to throw you a curve ball, but now that, now that you are single, I mean,
08:00I know you're probably focusing on yourself, but where do you stand with dating?
08:03Are you putting yourself out there?
08:04Are you kind of just keeping it to yourself for now?
08:07I'm just keeping it to myself right now.
08:08I mean, I think, um, uh, it's, you know, every day is a new day and I think there's still a
08:13lot of pain, um, you know, it's still, the feelings are still too fresh.
08:17So I've just tried to prioritize myself, um, writing in my book that I'm coming out with
08:22in a few months, like just spending time to focus on these, these things in life that
08:26I can better improve upon myself, making sure to get outside, get some fresh air, uh, enjoying
08:32this new scenery around me, um, you know, with my brother, hang out with him.
08:36I'm just really prioritizing, uh, my mental health at this moment.
08:39And I feel that honestly, I'm still healing.
08:42So I don't think bringing anybody else into the equation right now would be smart when I'm
08:46still in this healing stage.
08:48Totally.
08:49It makes perfect sense.
08:50Very smart.
08:51Um, and there's always paradise next summer.
08:54If, uh, you're still single, then I, I, I, I don't use absolutes anymore.
09:01I try not to, but I, um, I, I don't plan on going on TV again, but I guess crazier things
09:07have happened.
09:08Well, we will see.
09:09Thank you so much again for taking the time, being so open and sharing all that with me.
09:14Um, it was so great to meet you.
09:15It was so nice to meet you.
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