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In a preview for A&E's upcoming docuseries 'The Clinton Affair,' Monica Lewinsky recalls the emotional aftermath of her affair with former President Bill Clinton.
Transcript
00:00Monica Lewinsky has revealed that she became suicidal in 1998 when the FBI
00:04questioned her about her interactions with then-President Bill Clinton.
00:07The former White House intern made the revelation in a preview for A&E's upcoming
00:11docuseries The Clinton Affair, which premieres on November 18 at 9 p.m.
00:15In the clip released Tuesday, Lewinsky explains,
00:30was to jump out the window. She tearfully adds,
00:32I felt terrible. I was scared and I was just mortified and afraid of what this was going to do to my family.
00:37You know, I still was in love with Bill at the time. So I just, I felt really responsible.
00:47In another preview, Lewinsky explains why she was attracted to Clinton.
00:51I don't talk about this very often and I still feel uncomfortable talking about it because I think
00:56it's one of those things where it's not as if it didn't register with me that he was the
00:59President. Obviously it did, she says.
01:02The truth is, is that I think it meant more to me that someone who other people desired desired me.
01:08She then continues by saying,
01:09However wrong it was, however misguided, for who I was in that very moment at 22 years old,
01:14that was how it felt. In a recent article written for Vanity Fair, where she serves as a contributing
01:18editor, Lewinsky explained her decision to take part in the Clinton Affair in the first place.
01:23Filming the documentary forced me to acknowledge to myself past behavior that I still regret and feel
01:28ashamed of. There were many, many moments when I questioned not just the decision to participate,
01:33but my sanity itself, she wrote.
01:35Yes, the process of filming has been exceedingly painful.
01:38But I hope that by participating, by telling the truth about a time in my life, a time in our history,
01:43I can help ensure that what happened to me never happens to another young person in our country again.
01:48Lewinsky also revealed that, given the chance, she would apologize to Hillary Clinton for her affair
01:52with her husband if they were ever to meet in person.
01:55If I were to see Hillary Clinton in person today, I know that I would summon up whatever force
01:59I needed to again acknowledge to her, sincerely, how very sorry I am, she writes.
02:03I know I would do this because I have done it in other difficult situations related to 1998.
02:08I have also written letters apologizing to others, including some who also wronged me gravely.
02:13I believe that when we are trapped by our inability to evolve, by our inability to empathize
02:18humbly and painfully with others, then we remain victims ourselves.
02:22For his part, when asked during a June interview with NBC News, Bill Clinton expressed the opinion
02:26that Lewinsky does not deserve an apology from him, saying,
02:30I did say publicly on more than one occasion that I was sorry. The apology was public.
02:35To read more on this story, head to THR.com. For The Hollywood Reporter News, I'm Lyndsey Rodrigues.
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