- 23 hours ago
In this parody of the sword and sorcery films, a princess is deposed by an evil sorcerer. She enlists the aid of Deathstalker to battle the forces of evil, including a clone of the princess, and win back her kingdom.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The End
00:00:20Is that where she keeps it?
00:00:21Mm-hmm.
00:00:30Arrrr!
00:00:34Take care of her for a while.
00:00:36Take care of her!
00:00:39Take care of her!
00:00:47Arrr!
00:00:50Arrr!
00:00:51Arrr!
00:00:52Arrr!
00:00:54Arrr!
00:00:57Arrr!
00:00:58Arrr!
00:00:59Oh, no.
00:01:19Whoa!
00:01:29Oh, ah, ah.
00:01:33Oh, ah, ah.
00:01:34Oh, oh.
00:01:37Oh, all.
00:01:39Oh, ah, oh.
00:01:42Oh, ah.
00:01:50Oh, ah, no.
00:01:52Ah.
00:01:54Ah.
00:01:55Ah, ah.
00:01:57Ah.
00:01:58Ah.
00:01:58I'll have my revenge and Deathstalker, too.
00:02:28I'll have my revenge.
00:02:58I'll have my revenge.
00:03:28I'll have my revenge.
00:03:30I'll have my revenge.
00:03:35I'll have my revenge.
00:03:37I'll have my revenge.
00:03:39I'll have my revenge.
00:03:41I'll have my revenge.
00:03:49Let me go!
00:03:50Let me go!
00:03:51Quiet or you'll eat steel for dinner.
00:03:54Looks like you've eaten everything else.
00:03:56Shut up, you little wench.
00:03:58This town's got no room for beggars.
00:04:01I'm not a beggar.
00:04:03I'm a seer.
00:04:04Even the king knows that.
00:04:06All too well, girl.
00:04:07You're lucky to get away with your life.
00:04:09Look, his highness asked for a prophecy, and that's what he got.
00:04:13In my kingdom, a man would delight to learn his wife would sue me with child.
00:04:17But not by another man, eh, Marco?
00:04:19I call him as I see him, good or bad.
00:04:22Even I can predict what's gonna happen to you.
00:04:24Give me a break.
00:04:25How's an oracle supposed to make a living?
00:04:27The king wants you off the castle grounds.
00:04:29Now!
00:04:30You can't treat me like this.
00:04:32I'm a princess.
00:04:33Right, right.
00:04:34And I'm Merlin the magician.
00:04:36Yeah.
00:04:37Now be off with you, princess of beggars.
00:04:39You'll be sorry.
00:04:41You're the one that's gonna be sorry.
00:04:43Let's get her.
00:04:50No, boys.
00:04:51Who the hell are you?
00:04:53Ordinarily, I don't mind seeing a woman get a good beating if she deserves it.
00:04:57Yeah.
00:04:58But this doesn't look like much of a contest to me.
00:05:01You picked the wrong town to stop in, stranger.
00:05:05He's gonna stop here permanent.
00:05:06You know who we are.
00:05:10The village idiot and the two runners-up.
00:05:13Get him!
00:05:28Hey, take it easy.
00:05:29I don't even know these guys.
00:05:46Hi.
00:05:47Hello?
00:05:48Hello?
00:06:04Whoa!
00:06:05Whoa!
00:06:06Whoa!
00:06:07Oh, get some memory.
00:06:09You know, I got a nice big room upstairs.
00:06:30What do you say?
00:06:31The three of us go up there and...
00:06:32I need to talk to you.
00:06:33Line form's a little right.
00:06:34You gotta help me.
00:06:35One rescue a day.
00:06:36That's my policy.
00:06:37It's a matter of life and death.
00:06:38Do the words walk east till your hat floats mean anything to you?
00:06:39Hey, you princess!
00:06:40I thought we told you to get out of town.
00:06:41Ah!
00:06:42Ah!
00:06:43Ah!
00:06:44Ah!
00:06:45Come here.
00:06:46Ya, no.
00:06:47Look at him!
00:06:48Ah!
00:06:49Ah!
00:06:50Ah!
00:06:51Ah!
00:06:52Ah!
00:06:53Ah!
00:06:54Ah!
00:06:55Huh!
00:06:57Ah!
00:06:58Oh!
00:06:59Oh!
00:07:00Oh, oh, oh, oh!
00:07:02Come here!
00:07:03Was it on?
00:07:04All right, Ma?
00:07:05Oh, oh!
00:07:06Oh, oh!
00:07:07Female!
00:07:08Oh, oh, oh!
00:07:09Come on, Trump!
00:07:11Oh, damn!
00:07:13Come on, you're right!
00:07:15Oh, shit!
00:07:17Get out of here!
00:07:19Get out of here!
00:07:39Come on, man!
00:07:41Get out of here!
00:07:51Get out of there!
00:07:59Come on!
00:08:09What are you doing?
00:08:11Look out!
00:08:33Come on, come on, the back door. Let's go.
00:08:39Let's get out of here.
00:08:49After them. Here, hundreds, men.
00:08:57Yah! Yah!
00:09:01Yah! Yah!
00:09:09Yah! Yah!
00:09:29I'm Evie.
00:09:31Deathstalker.
00:09:32Deathstalker?
00:09:33Uh-huh.
00:09:34Is that your first name or your last name?
00:09:48There's Evie!
00:09:50Oh, God, let's just wash me up.
00:09:51I doubt now.
00:09:52I'm Eliever.
00:09:53I'll do it.
00:09:54That's my favorite move, Juan.
00:09:55What a gun jingle.
00:09:56That's your favorite move, Sander!
00:09:57One way maybe?
00:09:58And out here.
00:09:59Who's me?
00:10:01Just save me.
00:10:02Hey!
00:10:03This is a crap pun.
00:10:04Well, as movie as Marvel has seen,
00:10:05I was so sure.
00:10:06Everybody needs to burn along.
00:10:07You can put it here.
00:10:08Yes.
00:10:09Uh-huh!
00:10:10In thisemen nature hits a Nasıl?
00:10:12Yeah.
00:10:13Totally kills it.
00:10:14you're good helps in my line of work what line of work is that oh i like to call it the wealth
00:10:28redistribution business oh so you rob from the rich and give to the poor no i rob from the rich
00:10:34and pretty much keep it do you think we lost them you gotta get up pretty early in the morning to
00:10:40catch the prince of thieves it is pretty early in the morning
00:10:45hold it which way they go i don't know you go north i'll have some i'll double back we'll meet
00:11:08here but find them yeah i think we finally lost them
00:11:20starving here just a second haven't had a thing to eat since last night of the boots
00:11:27here try it it's my specialty oh your specialty huh
00:11:35like it
00:11:39hmm good very good um grab some water too please
00:11:45thank you that was great great boy you must have really been hungry
00:11:55more oh no couldn't eat another bite couldn't eat another bite
00:12:01i know i kind of messed things up for you before
00:12:03excuse me just struck me funny but i'm willing to make it up to you
00:12:12i'm listening i can tell your future no really i'm a seer it's a gift i've had since childhood
00:12:19okay things can't get much worse i guess shoot spirits of tomorrow hear my call
00:12:29i want to keep that to a minimum i see you embarking on a heroic quest it shall become legend
00:12:39and storytellers shall recount your many exploits down through the ages well i sure hope they get my name right
00:12:45an image is coming to me
00:12:47yes i see it so clear
00:12:51a young woman no a princess a princess she rich she's calling to you help me help me death stalker
00:13:02only you can save me she's in trouble oh big trouble a matter of life or death
00:13:09what i see someone else dark and evil this is bad this is real bad the princess is being imprisoned
00:13:20by jerak an evil sorcerer are there any other kind he's also a great swordsman even greater than
00:13:29death stalker better than me wait he's laughing at you come and get me death stalker if you dare
00:13:39what the sorcerer where do i find him in the land of jaffir where the hell is that oh it's a long and
00:13:47perilous journey oh figures many dangers witches dragons ogres let's get down on the tourist trade
00:13:54you shall confront them all emerge victorious and reap a fabulous reward the all c9 never lies
00:14:03and this is going to get me into the legends right up there with conan
00:14:15you all right yes what about the reward when i know more you know more well that settles it then
00:14:22i'm out of here i'm out of here where are you going let's go i'm not getting any younger you know go
00:14:30to jaffir now you got it sis wait a minute wait a minute there's still more soup
00:14:52next have you found the princess yet i'm working on it she won't get far
00:15:05you should have never let her escape she might come back and take a throw
00:15:11a waif pretending to be a princess who would believe it why don't you just kill her
00:15:18evie darling we've gone over this a dozen times before i created you from the original soul of the
00:15:28princess an exact duplicate in all respects unfortunately i haven't had time to work out the bugs
00:15:34in other words if she dies you die but once i've made a few minor adjustments in the formula i can duplicate
00:15:46anyone then eliminate the original now my dear please run along these brief practice sessions are the
00:15:53only leisure i allow myself and i enjoy them so much more alone
00:16:01i'll be in my chamber waiting as you wish my dear as you wish next
00:16:09sultana you know how i hate standing in line you look marvelous lovely as a rose we can dispense with
00:16:22the pleasantries if you don't mind after what you've done to me i'd hardly call this visit a pleasure
00:16:28whatever do you mean my dear you never would have been able to put that little blonde
00:16:31of yours up on the throne without my help let alone get rid of the real one you were paid handsomely
00:16:38i did not come here to bicker with you jerak my dear i have a proposition for you you wish to
00:16:43have the princess evie returned to you i wish to settle a score with a certain varlet who is escorting
00:16:49her back here i have a man shadowing them now doubtless you'll remember chin the buccaneer
00:16:54chin the one eye the man's a second-rate amateur in any event you will assist him evie is mine and
00:17:02the meddler death stalker death stalker death stalker oh very well he's yours enjoy done
00:17:10always a pleasure sultana likewise i'm sure next
00:17:28which way oh mighty oracle why do they call you the prince of thieves
00:17:49i guess i'm the best but you're not a real prince which way the west road are you sure absolutely
00:17:59the crystal ball never lets me down the west road you sure about that west road if you had
00:18:08the chance to marry a real princess would you do it no i wouldn't why not because being a princess
00:18:14brings out the worst always whining and pouting and acting like a spoiled little brat if they
00:18:19don't get their own way off
00:18:36give it to me chin what do you got that stalker's as good as in the grave look sailor don't carve a
00:18:42tombstone so readily he has as many lives as a cat and remember the last one belongs to me
00:18:50if he's made of flesh and blood he can die never underestimate the strength of an enemy especially
00:18:56an accomplished fighter like stalker you telling me how to do my job sultana just giving you some
00:19:02friendly advice well keep it to yourself i'll bring stalker to you on a platter like a piece of raw meat
00:19:09oh yeah yeah i've got just the butchers to do it say hello to crazy auto reingold the mad prussian
00:19:17solely responsible for the lemurian massacres that killed hundreds and left thousands homeless
00:19:22i'm sure you recognize ed the hedge shamansky five years on the genghis khan strike force part-time
00:19:27consultant to attila the hun next john the baptist bombasso drowning's a specialty beside him nick the
00:19:35crippler of cashmere i think his name says it all and last but not least the real find buddy footstool rosa
00:19:43only recently dismissed by ivan the terrible for excessive brutality
00:19:47still skeptical you bet i am suit yourself come on boys
00:20:07okay men let him have it
00:20:15most men but don't kill not yet
00:20:28but don't kill not yet
00:20:29not yet
00:20:31not yet
00:20:35not yet
00:20:39not yet
00:20:41not yet
00:20:43not yet
00:21:07not yet
00:21:09I think we better find another way.
00:21:14Oh, really? You think so?
00:21:16West Road, right.
00:21:18Hi.
00:21:20Who are they?
00:21:21You tell me. You're the seer.
00:21:23Well, they're trying to kill us.
00:21:26Somebody give the lady a cigar.
00:21:29Look, if they were trying to kill us,
00:21:30they could have done it way back down the road.
00:21:32No, they're after something.
00:21:34You sure you're telling me everything?
00:21:36I told you it was going to be a long and perilous journey, didn't I?
00:21:39Yeah, yeah. Witches, ogres, all that bad stuff.
00:21:48You and your visions.
00:21:53Maybe these come in handy.
00:21:57Where you going?
00:21:58Just stay put.
00:22:00I want to help.
00:22:01You've done plenty already.
00:22:09That'll be fine, boys.
00:22:11Save your arrows.
00:22:12No!
00:22:35No!
00:22:36No!
00:22:36No, no, no, no.
00:23:06No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:23:36No, no, no, no, no.
00:24:06Throw your sword down or I'll cut our pretty little throat.
00:24:14Go ahead.
00:24:15Cut it.
00:24:16You rat!
00:24:18You were gonna let him kill me!
00:24:24Now, would I do a thing like that?
00:24:27Come on, let's go find that horse and get the hell out of here.
00:24:31Oh, and would you mind taking that knife out of that guy for me?
00:24:34It's the only one I got left.
00:24:38Oh!
00:24:41Wait a minute!
00:24:42What do you want?
00:24:43Were you really gonna let him kill me?
00:24:44Yes, Stalker!
00:24:45You weren't really gonna let him kill me, were you?
00:24:47Huh?
00:24:48No, you wouldn't do that.
00:24:49Yes, Stalker!
00:24:57Ah, you're back.
00:24:58Mine is the Fearless Five.
00:25:01You should have listened to me.
00:25:02You want a bitch?
00:25:04Bitch to Jarek.
00:25:05I'm calling him right now.
00:25:20What news have you?
00:25:22Bad news, Lord Jarek.
00:25:23I hate bad news.
00:25:25It spoils my day.
00:25:27I got an idea.
00:25:28Come closer.
00:25:31I'll kill that son of a bitch if it kills me.
00:25:34You may rest assured that it will.
00:25:38Ah!
00:25:39Ah!
00:25:41Ah!
00:25:43Ah!
00:25:53Well, look what we have here.
00:26:15Pookie, huh?
00:26:17Yeah.
00:26:23Stalker, I still don't understand why you want to break in there.
00:26:28Because we're broke, that's why.
00:26:30What's that got to do with anything?
00:26:33That's a family mausoleum.
00:26:35There are probably more jewels in there than we could carry out.
00:26:40You're about to become a very rich woman.
00:26:43I was just starting to enjoy poverty.
00:26:46Come on, where's your sense of adventure?
00:26:48This isn't adventure.
00:26:49It's just damn scary.
00:26:51Yeah, but, uh, when legend's told, I want people to think we face this bravely.
00:26:58When the legend's told, nobody's gonna believe we were this stupid.
00:27:04Stalker?
00:27:04Huh?
00:27:05I heard somewhere it was bad luck to walk over graves.
00:27:08I heard it was only the open ones.
00:27:11Wait a minute.
00:27:12What?
00:27:13I just remembered.
00:27:14My hut.
00:27:15I left the door unlocked.
00:27:17We gotta go back.
00:27:18You don't have a door.
00:27:19I don't?
00:27:21No.
00:27:22Oh, yeah.
00:27:25What was that?
00:27:29The wind.
00:27:30It should get oiled.
00:27:32It came from in there.
00:27:34You bet it did.
00:27:37Stalker, you're not really going in there.
00:27:38Don't go in there.
00:27:48It's dark.
00:27:49Look, relax, will you?
00:27:56Well, come on in.
00:27:57What are you waiting for?
00:28:00Oh, come on.
00:28:01It's a little smelly, but what could happen?
00:28:02Stalker!
00:28:04Stalker!
00:28:19Stalker?
00:28:20Uh-huh.
00:28:50You know, sir, grave robbing is not only morally repulsive,
00:28:55but I believe it carries a rather stiff penalty in these parts.
00:28:59Who the hell are you?
00:29:00Forgive me for not introducing myself properly,
00:29:03but I assumed a person with even your limited deductive powers could have guessed.
00:29:07Jerk.
00:29:09Stalker!
00:29:35Stalker!
00:29:37Get out here!
00:29:39Stalker, get out here!
00:29:41I'd offer you my hand, sir,
00:29:43but it's both tiring and inconvenient to be at two places at once,
00:29:48even for a sorcerer.
00:29:50So if you'll be so good as to excuse me,
00:29:52I have a rather pressing engagement to attend to.
00:29:55And, oh, by the way, I've arranged one for you as well.
00:29:59Oh, son of a bitch.
00:30:11Oh, the old crushing war routine, huh?
00:30:15You couldn't do better than this?
00:30:17Oh, my God.
00:30:18Oh, my God.
00:30:19Oh, my God.
00:30:20Oh, my God.
00:30:21Oh, my God.
00:30:22Oh, my God.
00:30:23Oh, my God.
00:30:24Oh, my God.
00:30:25Oh, my God.
00:30:26Oh, my God.
00:30:27Oh, my God.
00:30:28Oh, my God.
00:30:29Oh, my God.
00:30:30Oh, my God.
00:30:31Oh, my God.
00:30:32Oh, my God.
00:30:33Oh, my God.
00:30:34Oh, my God.
00:30:35Oh, my God.
00:30:36Oh, my God.
00:30:37Oh, my God.
00:30:38Oh, my God.
00:30:39Oh, my God.
00:30:40Oh, my God.
00:30:41Oh, my God.
00:30:42Oh, my God.
00:30:43Oh, my God.
00:30:44Someplace
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01:05:56Still ready for that demonstration?
01:05:58Spoken like a true galant
01:06:00And soon to be a legend
01:06:02But not a living one
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