- 5 hours ago
when a seemingly perfect couple plans to divorce and how their once-tight friend group struggles to cope with the aftermath.HD
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00:00:00oh my god i haven't seen you guys in so long anderson you're like in the forest yeah and
00:00:07there's bugs everywhere and there's people telling me what to do it's not my vibe so
00:00:11guys are there tree trimmers in the forest i think the city the city tree trims in the forest
00:00:17for fire for fire prevention i once dated a fireman are you can you hear me hey you guys
00:00:23hear that i dated a fireman once i didn't i feel like it did not get a big reaction
00:00:27well i felt like it was a lie anyway you guys sorry um uh thanks for making the time for this
00:00:34whole you know group call thing yeah of course totally but actually can we make this quick i
00:00:40have a date in a half an hour with my sex senior boyfriend okay rub it in vanessa yeah you don't
00:00:44need to personally attack those of us who are single namely your very own flesh and blood brother
00:00:49who is very a dateable anderson how are you even on this call they let you have your computer there
00:00:54oh yeah i blew one of the guards so we gave it back oh my god whoa wait they have actual guards
00:00:58at this wilderness rehab no obvi this is my burner huh i didn't know burner computers were a thing
00:01:04it's a rich people thing oh the security at his last rehab was super lax i ended up sneaking in some
00:01:09guys listen guys you're our oldest friends so peter and i wanted to tell you all at the same time
00:01:17that we're oh my god you're pregnant oh my god am i pregnant they're so pregnant finally can i be
00:01:24the godmother i'd like to be called aunt lauren not aunt lauren it's gross you know you guys have to
00:01:30name a baby after me since i'm the one who set you up vanessa shoving the two of them into your dorm room
00:01:34closet freshman year and forcing them to make out does not count as setting them up okay bitch you're
00:01:38just jealous because i never shoved you in a closet but lest us not forget that lauren did inspire me
00:01:43to come out of the closet yes yes i'm so glad that the one time we hooked up it turned you gay
00:01:47anderson that's a great college memory for me to dwell on thank you you're so welcome guys
00:01:52we're getting divorced
00:01:57wait what
00:02:02i can't get you off my mind i can't get you off my mind oh chill nights we'd order in and snuggled up got bored of them now holidays are horrible i'm hung up on you like an ornament i can't get you off my mind i want you to care i want you to cry when you realize i know i'm over there i want you to miss the touch of my hand the smell of my hair
00:02:21you and me don't feel the same
00:02:28but the picture of my mind
00:02:34well do you think anybody else knows i couldn't tell you i don't know i wasn't on that call
00:02:40well do you think anybody else knows i couldn't tell you i don't know i wasn't on that call i
00:02:49cannot believe we weren't on that call we weren't invited to that call i know and i'm upset that
00:02:53anderson called you vanessa only texted me and i feel like this is something i should have gotten
00:02:57a phone call about well it was a short phone call i could hardly hear him his service was awful
00:03:00and honestly i think i heard a coyote like on the phone no like in the background and i know
00:03:05a coyote when i hear one okay is it possible it was like a scheduling thing like you know how
00:03:09they always plan stuff on california time or specific standard time wait did you just say
00:03:13specific i did it's pacific because you know it's like by the pacific ocean agree to disagree
00:03:20anyways whatever that's bullshit we're only three hours ahead what do they google hang at midnight
00:03:25i would have google hang hung hung and actually no you wouldn't have because midnight specific
00:03:30standard time is really 3 a.m eastern standard time yes i know and i'm saying that i would
00:03:35have been available and awake to hang wow oh i have a new postmates order oh fuck the gig economy
00:03:41i have like five jobs right now wait six actually so i have this new gig it's kind of freaky oh this
00:03:47order is from the mcdonald's on bedford they hate me there oh no why they hate my rollerblades is it
00:03:52the yellow no they hate that i wear them inside their store restaurant restaurant and it's like
00:03:56well then don't have a rollerblade ramp that leads directly to your door feel like that ramp is
00:04:00for wheelchairs well rollerblades have wheels i think they're cool they are and i think you're
00:04:06cool not cool enough to be on a zoom call to hear about our friends getting a divorce oh i forgot about
00:04:10that for like four seconds
00:04:12so wait what is this new job okay this vibe telling mad truth so evidently the way this shit would be told
00:04:23is eloquently oh i'm not who you expected because i'm so hot so hot so hot so hot so what i can't be
00:04:42all right hannah let's bring home the bacon well hello there phony for hands feet and other appendages
00:04:51dot com users before i introduce myself for those of you who like sarah the big-handed farm ham
00:05:00i'll be back next tuesday don't be late y'all but today i'm eleanor elbow the erotic ceo and i've got
00:05:11news for you i'm losing money left and right and i'm pissed off about it so pissed off in fact
00:05:19that i'm thinking of stopping all over you if things don't
00:05:26turn around who's in my chat fist me good 999 says to me dearest eleanor please lick your elbow
00:05:39my elbow turns out the elbow is a little bit difficult to lick yeah so how does this sound yeah
00:05:59i can taste my lotion it tastes like wealth
00:06:06this is freaky speaking of wealth don't forget to venmo me hannah 55 baby thank you so much
00:06:18thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the overwhelming response on last week's video
00:06:40three foolproof compliments that trigger women's libido go check it out but only and only
00:06:46if you're ready to handle the overwhelming amount of attention you're gonna get from them bitches
00:06:52all right let's get this started each week i share my mind hacks on how to efficiently navigate a divorce
00:06:59or as i like to call it a course correction through my journey of spouse disentanglement i've discovered
00:07:06how to skip the drama and get you ready for your next honey mama trademark as you guys know my last
00:07:12divorce was six months ago i've already reached a special and crucial landmark in the divorce cycle
00:07:18the reclaiming of space some of you might not be at this stage yet and some of you might actually
00:07:26take a few years to get here just remember what i always say be patient with yourself you're going
00:07:31through a lot and sooner or later you'll hook up with someone hotter i trademark bro i'm in the middle
00:07:38of my vlog hey how could i have known that think about it i told you you have to text me five minutes
00:07:46before you get home what if i'm like in the middle of this like super dope thought process and then bam
00:07:52you walk in and interrupt my flow look hi mate i'm not gonna text you every time i come home i was happy
00:08:00to move in when rosa left you but listen i'm not just staying at your pad i pay rent this is my home too
00:08:07now okay if i interrupt your flow i'm sure you can get it back bro you do not understand my flow state
00:08:15but cool don't you edit these videos afterwards anyway sure but it's not that simple but i'll just do that
00:08:21thank you great glad you figured it out
00:08:36can you just what nothing i just really need to finish this today all right bud i'll get out of your hair
00:08:44you know i'm really glad your therapist suggested you make this whole video diary thing it's not a video
00:08:54diary thing i'm helping other people that are more up than i am and i came up with that idea on my own
00:09:01after she suggested it you're doing such a great job can you off please i'm gonna give you some space
00:09:08thank you you're super welcome bud oh my god
00:09:17reclaiming your space what does that mean great question let me break it down for you the first
00:09:23thing you gotta do when you're reclaiming your space from the divorce is tackle
00:09:27the most crucial step to moving through divorce is releasing emotions you and your partner should cry openly
00:09:42and cry often
00:09:51he hasn't cried
00:09:55why the fuck hasn't he cried
00:10:01peter
00:10:04peter
00:10:07are you kidding me peter
00:10:12were you calling me no hey so i know it's gonna be super hard and you know you've probably just been
00:10:25avoiding it because it's gonna be so so sad but i think it's time we split up our stuff
00:10:35sure it's probably just gonna be really hard for us and for you because you know we've built a life
00:10:41together and how do you even start to begin to choose who deserves what i mean i can't even fathom where
00:10:47to begin it it's it's like ripping apart the quilt of our love piece by piece
00:10:58i mean i guess we can start the living room
00:11:00how would you like the chair i know you've always loved it
00:11:07really i mean your aunt gave you that chair you should keep it remember that time when i was holding
00:11:13your nephew and he was staring up at me with those big beautiful blue eyes
00:11:28he vomited all over me and some gun on the chair you know that was the first moment that i realized
00:11:41sorry that i realized that we would be parents
00:11:45oh it'll always be a perfect memory for me what could have been
00:11:53hmm i think you're forgetting that the smell of vomit actually made me vomit i mean there's
00:12:00a lot of vomit that day that was actually the day that i realized that maybe i didn't want to have kids
00:12:05you know like before then obviously i was like yeah for sure but then that happened i was like
00:12:08i don't know huh it's funny like same memory different emotional attachments to it totally
00:12:17totally different you know to each to each their own you know uh a happy memory for me and a sad
00:12:28and emotional memory for you yeah very sad extremely emotional
00:12:38right okay you can have the chair that i don't give a shit about okay fine you can call dibs on one of
00:12:45our shared items if you tell my brother about the divorce wait you haven't told him yet i i thought
00:12:53it should come from you what why because he sees you like a brother he's like obsessed with you just come
00:12:59on peter okay fine thank you
00:13:09just in case uh thank you go ahead take one
00:13:14so yeah yeah i'm really sorry man but that's what we decided wait but you guys have only been
00:13:29married for like two years yeah no right but we've actually been together for 10 you know and it's
00:13:33complicated we're just different people now yeah of course you're different people but like
00:13:37like i thought opposites attract look i don't know what to tell you i'm sorry so what are you like my
00:13:42ex-brother now or i mean i guess technically but whatever whatever i gotta go okay i'll talk to you
00:13:47later i love you
00:13:52what was that about amy and peter are getting a divorce wait what yeah they haven't even been
00:13:59married that long yeah apparently they're like different people or something of course they're
00:14:02different people but don't like opposites attract i know that's what i said but we love peter what are
00:14:09we gonna do about that i don't know man i don't know wow i am so sorry thanks
00:14:22well it's not great timing but i actually have a tinder date coming in a couple minutes oh wow but i
00:14:29could totally bail on her oh no no it's fine it's fine just be careful okay because right now she's
00:14:33just a tinder girl but next thing you know she's your wife and then right after that she's your
00:14:36ex-wife but yeah no it's fine she'll she can go over he totally crashes the date if you want we have
00:14:44plenty of sushi from where store-bought okay you are uninvited it's gonna have spicy mayo all over it oh
00:14:51i'm noah i'm a bougie ass bitch and i don't have a brother-in-law anymore too far man yeah it didn't feel
00:14:57right saying it you know whatever it i'm with you let's go eat some shitty cali rolls come on wow
00:15:04wait i'm dead no i'm literally dying is this a joke do you want to start with cardio shut up
00:15:11i'm sorry what oh my god oh my god i cannot believe this i'm truly shocked to my core amy and peter no
00:15:22no no never in a million years would i've guessed this honestly honestly you know what i need to go
00:15:27work out this is a lot for me to take in okay i'll call you later all right love you kiss kiss
00:15:38i mean did i call it or did i call it what okay you remember my friends from college
00:15:43babe stretch me obviously not my gamify sisters my other friends you know the trashy ones amy and
00:15:51peter the brunette and her husband they met our freshman year and they've been together ever since
00:15:55anyways they're getting divorced and i hate to say that i saw this coming but i absolutely saw this
00:16:03coming hello mary grace hey hey sweet girl can you hear me okay i can hear you loud and clear and i
00:16:12can see you look gorgeous girl oh thank you wow uh it's been a minute gosh it's been several minutes
00:16:20i mean when is the last time we saw each other was it caroline's niece's baptism no uh yeah no didn't
00:16:27didn't fly back in for that one well shoot we miss you around here these teens today i am telling you
00:16:33they do not make the youth like they used to wow you're still the youth pastor you were my youth
00:16:39pastor wow yes ma'am 14 years strong that is a long time to pastor youth jesus ah sorry uh geez louise
00:16:48anyway um my mom told me you had another baby have you not met my son henry he just turned three last
00:16:53month oh my goodness yep bill finally got his boy but enough about me and mine those rug rats are over
00:16:59at janine's until six i got my glass of pinot grigio i got all my soft clothes i am ready for some
00:17:06girl talk so now tell me your mother says there's something we need to pray on oh oh yeah no no that's
00:17:13i'm so sorry she called you she just um well my friends are actually getting divorced and then she
00:17:18kind of freaked out about it so wait we need to bless this conversation first if you will bow your
00:17:24head and hold my hands virtually okay dear sweet sweet lord we humbly accept your love and come before
00:17:35you today to talk on facetime while you eavesdrop as we reflect on lauren's struggles to find a partner in
00:17:43life uh help us open lauren's heart to find a match so she can procreate in your name what her mother is
00:17:52in pain lord ease her heart ease her mind ease her mouth evelyn wants these grandbabies so bad she can't
00:18:01breathe at night she can breathe help us open lauren's heart help her find her love whoever she wants to
00:18:09love i mean it jesus amen so do you like women what now listen here lauren i'm done drawing a line in
00:18:19the sand i'm done with it you want to love a she you want to love a they live okay i i like men so well
00:18:27good well okay well hold on now i didn't mean good i just meant i'm more familiar but if you want to like
00:18:34a she if you want to like a they that is fine by me you heard of the book queer grace uh no uh-uh well
00:18:42it rocked my world it's by kelly jo welch she's a lovely woman of god and other women and she's just
00:18:51wise beyond her years and i learned things lauren love is love uh listen mary grace i'm so proud of you
00:18:57that's great i'm so glad you've come around i just i'm not gay evelyn told me she knows and she
00:19:04she's proud of you wait my mom thinks i'm gay and if you'll just let jesus come in your mouth
00:19:10and give you the courage to speak your truth you can settle down with a nice woman and your mother
00:19:16can get those grandbabies oh my god let me tell you a story all right you were back in your youth
00:19:22group days stuart douglas trevor scott remember those two boys hoodlums yeah they used to say behind
00:19:29your back all the time oh there goes lauren hunting fish oh she loves to hunt trout they'd say
00:19:36and i thought well dang i didn't even know she liked fishing this much maybe she's out there
00:19:40fishing on the weekend with her daddy i don't know it took me two years to realize they weren't even
00:19:47talking about fishing they were calling you a lesbian predator yeah mary grace they were
00:19:53fucking with me messing with me and i prayed and i prayed for you and then i read making room on the
00:20:02pew by kelly jo welch and let me tell you it just opened my mind you can love however you want you don't
00:20:10need you can have two vaginas we say front tushy in this house anyway i think you know what i'm talking
00:20:19about what are you talking about jesus christ mary grace i have had upwards of 32 dicks in my body
00:20:30okay i am not a lesbian oh look at that sexy man grilling me some sexy needs my little crudit girl
00:20:44why are you wearing your blue light glasses outside well there's no easy way to say this but we're living
00:20:48in a simulation babe every second is screen time so keeping these on for good so what you're saying
00:20:53is you got high without me exactly wow wow four weeks into the relationship and you're already
00:21:01sneaking around hey hey come on what no no do you let me do it if you let me do it i will forgive you
00:21:09okay okay light leak light all right okay okay okay you're forgiven all right thank you i gotta flip
00:21:16okay but just remember i like my men how i like my meats rare because you're one of a kind and i like
00:21:23my meats bloody oh which reminds me i have a new project for us but first carriage sure ranch shot always
00:21:32yeah no teeth don't bite it use your lips use your lips use your lips god ranch is so sexual should we
00:21:45leave these meats and go to the bedroom no they're almost ready really so no okay well that leads me to
00:21:52our project i think we can both agree that up until now the sex has been amazing yeah it's been great i
00:21:58know it's not surprising all my boyfriends say that about me you mean said that they're not still
00:22:03saying that because you're not still having sex with them right okay but i think we're on the edge
00:22:08of the phase where it's like new relationship the sex is always amazing and the phase of uh we never
00:22:15have sex anymore and it's always missionary and even when we do have missionary sex it's really dry
00:22:20and boring and you think about cnn the whole time but we're in the first phase right gabriel gabriel amazing
00:22:25you're missing the point it's scientifically proven that in the first four weeks we should be at a 10
00:22:30on el passion scale sure we're having sex in restaurant bathrooms and in your car and at your
00:22:35mom's house on my mom's house i got second degree burns on my back from the roof and i'm sorry for that
00:22:40but if we don't do something now we're gonna end up boring and divorced and brunette and you know i
00:22:46don't have the face shape to support brown hair okay imagine this with a brown wig on it'd look insane
00:22:52i'd look like one of the little women well what are you trying to say right now you want to try some
00:22:56freaky shit exactly please clear your schedule we're gonna start with a spa day a little role play
00:23:03a little dash of danger it's good to get the adrenaline pumping before we dive into some new areas of
00:23:09ow sexual exploration all right it let's explore they'll explore the idea is how the mayor's people put it
00:23:18that's hopeful you're optimistic tonight let me remind you we're up against men and their maseratis
00:23:24here he's a dog can you imagine the day los angeles has more bicycles on the streets than cars can you
00:23:35imagine a day when people train their dogs it's a noble cause baby shutting down sea world is a noble
00:23:43cause no bike lanes that's just your run-of-the-mill public health crisis well you're killing
00:23:48it and i'm proud of you oh my god i almost forgot i got quite the compliment at city hall today nice we
00:23:57were just standing around after the meeting talking and this councilman came up to me and he said you're
00:24:01quite effective when you're angry and before i could even say anything he whips out his business card and
00:24:06says you have what it takes kid call me my personal number like ew and he called me kid
00:24:28wow
00:24:36what you're doing the thing what thing what thing forget it what thing
00:25:06oh my god it's
00:25:22fuckface
00:25:36i got a big
00:25:56i got a big
00:26:04okay
00:26:06damn
00:26:09that's a nice deck
00:26:12there were three things my wife never let me have a drum kit a motorcycle and a threesome happy to
00:26:19say that i recently crossed two out of those three off my list and let's just say i still can't wait to
00:26:27get that bike
00:26:30so this is my new baby a pearl export drum kit when i was married to my honey bunch
00:26:36when i was married the ex forbid me from buying one she was like um where are you gonna store it and you
00:26:49don't even know how to play the drums and you should save money and go back to school well guess what
00:26:54you know what the first thing i did when she left was go straight to craigslist and i bought this sexy beast
00:27:00and the best part is with her side of the closet empty there's plenty of room to store it and the only school i'm about to
00:27:09attend is this school of rock baby
00:27:15this is what reclaiming your space sounds like
00:27:17sounds like
00:27:24that is the last time you're playing the drums in the house right buddy yeah
00:27:33another important practice on reclaiming your space is to stand or sit in spots that have significant
00:27:39memories of your honey bun
00:27:44of your ex ex
00:27:48of your ex and then you say to yourself i reclaim this space for example this is where we would
00:27:57spend most of our evenings watching netflix she loved watching rom-coms because she thought they
00:28:04were funny even though she knew they were cheesy and i was bored the whole time so i was like whatever
00:28:10but she would laugh at them and her laugh was like you know low-key pretty magical and
00:28:18that's an example of what we like to call porcupine memories the name refers to memories that are
00:28:36seemingly so cute and happy and you just want to hold on to them but when you hug them bam needles ouch
00:28:43porcupine memories trademark pending i reclaim my space i reclaim my space i reclaim my space
00:28:55cut the up buddy
00:29:00wow
00:29:05wow 32
00:29:06as in 32 actual penises yeah give or take honestly then it's it's probably a bit higher
00:29:15than that but yeah 32. oh my lanta well diane kelly joe welch didn't prepare me for this i'm sorry
00:29:22mary grace i'm sorry for my language i'm sorry i'm being so crass i'm so glad we got to catch up but
00:29:28i am sorry my mom made you do this i just you know i haven't found the right guy yet so maybe you
00:29:33could just tell her i'm looking and i'm not a lesbian um but yeah i guess i should probably go
00:29:38so oh no no please don't go please don't go i still have half a bottle of pina gricio left look
00:29:44i've been watching hbo after bill goes to bed okay and i've been learning some new stuff and all the
00:29:51women at the church want to talk about is when is the rapture coming and obviously it is already
00:29:56here so i need this lauren i need this please okay okay um yeah sure i can i can chat for a few more
00:30:05minutes okay great all right let's quickly hang up our call with jesus because he does not need to
00:30:10hear this good night jesus i'll call you later okay now it's just you and me lay it on me honey
00:30:1732 32 gosh almighty are you using special creams you must be sore all the time oh yeah no i know it
00:30:25sounds like a lot but you know it's actually not that crazy i just got busy in college who didn't
00:30:30i didn't bill and i waited oh okay uh but i mean gosh you guys have three kids now you must be making
00:30:37up for lost time right no no look look i love bill and i do think about him and nathan fillion from castle
00:30:45but can i tell you a secret because i just haven't been able to talk to anybody about this and since
00:30:50you're a liberal elite center okay harsh i just feel like you'll get it i don't want bill to hear me
00:30:59i'm not sexually satisfied at all oh jesus christ no don't call jesus right now no that's not what i
00:31:07okay help me lauren please okay you're a sexual deviant and my only hope i need you
00:31:14okay okay wow okay sorry i'm just wrapping my head around this yeah go go ahead mary grace i uh
00:31:23i i want to i want to help just tell me tell me your troubles okay well it all started when i
00:31:30accidentally brushed against the jets in the jacuzzi tub and it stirred me deep oh my oh my gosh
00:31:37i can't believe i'm telling you this oh you know what mary grace it's it's great and i i i wasn't
00:31:43expecting the call to go this way but i'm honestly i'm here for it i just think that i probably need
00:31:48some wine too so i will brb okay all right i'll just be here thinking about mr fillion from castle
00:31:58mr castle
00:31:59solve my crimes solve my crimes i don't know maybe they just grew apart it happened sure but i
00:32:10mean this came out of nowhere hey baby baby sorry can i can i move this no you can't move it
00:32:17do you think he cheated yeah dora i don't know do you want me to call and ask yes please call your
00:32:23ex-girlfriend and ask her about her divorce oh that helps this barbecue is peter's ribs peter's the best
00:32:35cook right i feel like they just moved in no they moved in two years ago and in this market they're not
00:32:43gonna have trouble selling yeah i'm sure their realtor is thrilled but it's like our first friend divorce
00:32:51don't you think it's sad it really is
00:33:05so deck huh yeah i've been wanting to build this thing for remember when we moved in here
00:33:10and i was like i want to build the deck you remember that it's a big project
00:33:21okay well don't forget about tonight
00:33:31oh don't forget about tonight
00:33:51oh
00:34:07raymond your dog
00:34:08today on builder bros brock gets hands on with your big deck
00:34:22what's up pussies brock here
00:34:25so your little lady says that she likes the smallest deck but come on bro we both know when you're standing
00:34:31in your manicured front lawn sipping on your soy latte that she is staring at the sheer girth of
00:34:39my deck but that's okay because brock daddy's here to help all right so you bought yourself some wood and
00:34:45you got your tools now what are you waiting for are you staring at that fat pile like a dope
00:34:51look deck building is tough but relax brock daddy is gonna hold both your girly little hands all the way to the finish
00:35:00lot so grab some bolts and some brewskis
00:35:10mother fucker what hi hannah xander has therapy after baseball camp please give him a snack beforehand
00:35:16and do not let him take his scooter into the session dr elberts doesn't like it ugh this is so annoying
00:35:21i know right it's just a scooter thanks alissa will do you fucking bitch whoa you really laid into her
00:35:28oh my god no i did not text that to xander's mom xander feels new what happened to the kid jared
00:35:32oh jared is a dog i walked and him and his family are in the hamptons for the summer along with
00:35:36persephone and maddox's families oh those are cute dog names nope those are kids wow you are booked up yeah
00:35:43yeah if only my bank account reflected that uh life is weird like this is weird our friend is
00:35:50getting a divorce i know and if somebody had asked me like do you think amy and peter will get a divorce
00:35:56i would have absolutely said yes okay i just lied i definitely didn't think they were gonna make it
00:36:01the writing was on the wall remember at amy's bachelorette she was so unhappy so unhappy and it
00:36:05was not because of us right it wasn't because of us no she was totally off and not herself and
00:36:11we talked to her about it yeah we were like amy what's going on with you why are you so unhappy
00:36:15what's up why didn't you invite your cousin eva cousin eva is an alcoholic and not in a fun way
00:36:20and amy she was like she said okay so amy actually wasn't there for that of course she
00:36:27was there as her bachelorette no no what we're remembering is you and i talking about it talking
00:36:32about her oh talking about her behind her back yeah
00:36:38but we've told her in the past that she seemed unhappy yeah like when she went ring shopping
00:36:44alone yes we said amy this is not something you should be doing by yourself yeah we told her that
00:36:48yeah and she said she was she was
00:36:54she was also not there for that part either that part where we told her how we really felt yeah that
00:36:58part i'm hungry you want a little snack it can offer you a pouch some cheddar bunnies or celery sticks
00:37:10literally just celery sticks not even peanut butter on the side oh no peanuts are legumes and xander's
00:37:14mom tries to limit his legumes poor xander i know
00:37:18okay well were we mean to peter no we were not mean to peter what
00:37:34okay so like define me like were our jokes mean no i mean maybe our jokes were mean but that doesn't
00:37:40mean that we were mean right right you are so right you get it and plus i don't even really think you
00:37:45can be mean to somebody that you don't know i never really got to know peter now we never will
00:37:50tell me about it
00:37:55i miss amy me too but her not telling us about the divorce really hurts it does and i mean i don't
00:38:00know about you but amy and i talk all the time same like look at my text same i text her all the time
00:38:07all the time all the time all the time four months ago five
00:38:15okay should we just call her yeah i feel like we're overdue for a phone call and you know what
00:38:23we'll lead with we love you we heard about what happened and we want to let you know that we are
00:38:27here for you and we just wanted to say hi i love that thanks
00:38:31i'm so happy we're doing this hey it's amy leave a message
00:38:45she just sent us to voicemail yeah that's mean right she's mean she's mean she is mean
00:38:52but i guess she is dealing with a divorce yeah that's it's not not great oh what's my postmates
00:39:04order what'd they say where the are you rude yeah i'm like what do you mean where am i i'm right here
00:39:11i'm clearly busy yeah vanessa where the are you anderson where the are you next to the uh big green
00:39:17tree no like where are you exactly all these trees look the same by the i don't know elm let's go with
00:39:23elm this is an elm um i don't know what in my life has led you to believe that i know what an elm tree
00:39:27looks like but i don't vanessa anderson vanessa anderson vanessa vanessa vanessa follow the sound of my
00:39:38voice follow the sound of my voice vanessa vanessa vanessa vanessa vanessa anderson
00:39:46you have to stop yelling my name oh my gosh you scared me there whoa love the pippy long stocking
00:39:52look oh thank you yeah i heard that if you french braid your hair it makes you look like you've got
00:39:56a facelift and i also recently got the face thanks so much for coming to family day oh of course i'm
00:40:03happy too plus mom offered me 50 bucks if i came so what is family day family day is where the
00:40:11families of the teens come to visit and we hike out to stinson beach and discuss our substance abuse
00:40:17issues i think okay um yeah i really don't want to do any of that i i did just come for the 50.
00:40:24absolutely quick cue why can't you stop freeloading off mom and start freeloading off your boyfriend like
00:40:28a normal person you know it's a great cue and i would counter with why can't you stop freeloading
00:40:34off mom and it's a great counter and i would say because i don't have any other option that's why
00:40:38i said yes to this wilderness rehab retreat thing mom said if i don't complete this rehab that she'd
00:40:44kick me out and i cannot be homeless at 24 27 30. well anyways to answer your initial cue the reason i
00:40:54can't freeload off gabriel is because something went down and i don't really want to get into the
00:40:58details of it but basically when he said no i heard him say no but i didn't hear him say no do you know
00:41:03what i mean no so like i didn't even understand what you just said so what happened
00:41:08wow this is hot smells like soup they're scented hot stones it's aromatherapy
00:41:26next i'm going to run ice down over your body
00:41:44stop shaking you little pig bitch
00:41:52let's get you clean you dirty boy
00:41:56fall away from you
00:42:10oh god damn that was hot
00:42:29are you sure this is a sense then just go with it
00:42:32ow ow one just got me in my ear
00:42:36sooobies what you're gonna do what you're gonna do when the bad bees come for you
00:42:41bananas bananas what the safe word already we just got started look i'm down for some freaky
00:42:47shit but this doesn't even feel sexual it just feels ah dangerous what's your point look maybe we
00:42:54should try something with a little more sex and a little less honey in all my crevices okay just a
00:43:00little more honey no no vanessa okay let's compromise so did you start taking a lot of baths
00:43:06i did i was taking two or three a day and then my youngest wanted to get in with me and after that i
00:43:11had to quit and i've just i've been in a tizzy ever since oh well mary grace we got to get you fixed up
00:43:16can't live life in a tizzy like that amen so okay so how often are you and bill you know boning not
00:43:22often enough and i wouldn't call it boning to be honest it's more like you know laying down together
00:43:27and moving for a little bit it's just it's just you know bill likes things a certain way you know we
00:43:33so we we schedule it every other monday missionary monday is what we call us what we put it in the
00:43:38calendar it's like a little code that way people see it and they think oh they're doing mission work but
00:43:41it's really just sex every other monday at 8 15 after the kids go down the same sex missionary
00:43:48sex not even the good kind is there a good kind lauren i just i can't continue to be grateful
00:43:53it's a sin it's a lie i mean does he at least go down on you
00:44:00lauren honey you got me rolling no not since 2001. listen when i had my first child he looked me dead in
00:44:08the eye and he said listen i can't go down there after i saw my daughter come out of there
00:44:12and you know she was an 11 pound baby but still okay you know what mary grace no
00:44:16this guy he needs to get down there and get busy you know what i i agree i've been doing my exercises
00:44:23for years now lord on the wings of jesus i'm sharing my story okay wow okay yes cheers to that mary
00:44:31grace cheers to that hold on i'm gonna be right back okay so i went to the paint and sit all right
00:44:47and i didn't want to paint the hydrangeas that were in the sample paint because i've already done that
00:44:50okay i got two bushes in my backyard so the instructor said to me she goes just paint what calls to you
00:44:55so i painted something it's a little wild and i just i've been too afraid to show bill i've been
00:45:03hiding it under my bed but but i want to show you okay now keep in mind i had spent some time in the
00:45:08jacuzzi tub before i went here it is it's a self-portrait oh my god wow i mean the writing was on the
00:45:18wall he's not a rich man and she's i don't know pretty-ish so really all they had keeping their
00:45:24marriage together was love and i know you know this better than anyone babe because we're so good
00:45:30together that a healthy relationship is a tight-a-tight of wit and emotional communication without
00:45:36it you have nothing unless of course obviously one of you has stock or bitcoin or beachside property
00:45:43but even then you know it's a give and a take don't you agree do you want to stretch me or equity
00:45:48and communication to give and take oh give me that you know what i mean it's like a back and a fourth
00:45:56here's the thing about amy and peter they were never equals she always wore the pants in the
00:46:01relationship do you remember last summer when they were in town and went to jones and the waitress
00:46:05dropped the check off in front of amy amy not peter i mean how humiliating and not just for her for
00:46:13him so emasculating oh my god honey no somebody's gonna see you you look like a wimp your arms are
00:46:20like tiny spongebob arms and you have the body of kermit the frog you should really call my trainer
00:46:27crunches now gentlemen i understand that sometimes some of these porcupine memories
00:46:35are hard to get rid of and simply yelling them away is not enough
00:46:39that's why the last thing we're gonna learn today will require a more aggressive approach
00:46:47bam fireworks this here is the cobra box the cobra can hypnotize its prey before launching for the kill
00:46:58so inside this box is a bunch of crap that my ex used to own and then it hypnotizes me into doing stuff i
00:47:08i really don't want to do like text her or call her or drive up to her place and see her go in and
00:47:15out of her apartment with a random guy that may or may not be her new boyfriend we don't know what we
00:47:22do know is that he owns a new tesla i know it's new because it's a new model
00:47:26and we can't keep doing that to ourselves time to destroy the cobra box trademark not granted because
00:47:37i guess there's a company in australia that sells cobras in a box all right let's get to it
00:47:43time to reclaim the space in our hearts
00:47:59well that was disappointing
00:48:08oh my gosh oh my gosh what am i doing what is the matter with me it's like i turned 38 and i went
00:48:16crazy you know i'm like a horn dog i just i gotta burn this no no mary grace no you listen to me okay
00:48:23we were not raised to talk about sex or want it but we do and that is great okay so you just need
00:48:29to get out there and you need to tell bill what you want what i mean do you tell men what you want
00:48:34hell yeah hell yeah i do there's a fucking orgasm epidemic in this country okay and we must demand
00:48:39action heck yeah right heck yeah i'm gonna do that oh well there is bill bill oh bill no no no no no
00:48:47wait yes i'm talking to you i have needs maybe not in front of me though maybe not in front of me
00:48:52hey bill i need you to let this front tushy i just did the lord's work
00:49:06i can't believe i'm in the mountains and i'm not on mushrooms this is a first for me i know that must
00:49:11be so hard for you and for you are you on mushrooms i don't think i i don't think i understand the
00:49:19question i think you do but weirdly i'm getting like a sobriety high from being clean is that true
00:49:25no yeah but at least my life is going better than amy and peter's i mean thank god someone's life is
00:49:31going worse than ours yeah but is it because like you still live at home with mom and and i just ruined
00:49:37another relationship god my 16 year old self would 100 percent bully me oh my 16 year old self would
00:49:43definitely make me cry she'd probably photoshop my face onto the body of a whale and have it printed
00:49:48onto t-shirts for everyone in the class to wear specific you know what i'm realizing amy and peter
00:49:55are getting a divorce which means they're gonna have to be single again i am currently single so if you
00:50:00really think about it it's almost like i found some sort of cheat code or shortcut yeah or is it like
00:50:07they found somebody to love them marry them and then divorce them all before we found anyone to
00:50:11love us is it worse where is it better that's probably worse i think it's worse worse it is worse
00:50:20oh oh my god where are we are we are we are we lost where are the other campers is that what you
00:50:27call them campers tiny drug addicts troubled teens oh my god we are lost oh my god spread out
00:50:37all right crack open another cold one because you deserve it rock daddy is so proud of you
00:50:46only six more videos so you've got yourself a brand new deck
00:51:02so
00:51:11so
00:51:42I love your deck.
00:52:12I love your deck.
00:52:42I love your deck.
00:52:44I love your deck.
00:52:46I love your deck.
00:52:48I love your deck.
00:52:50What the fuck?
00:52:52I love your deck.
00:52:53I love your deck.
00:52:55I love your deck.
00:52:56It's a good idea.
00:52:57You're good.
00:52:58Graham-worthy.
00:52:59I know, I don't skimp on this suit.
00:53:01I wonder how long it's been since this was made.
00:53:03Beer.
00:53:04You guys want some beer?
00:53:05Sure.
00:53:06Yeah, I'll take two.
00:53:07Maybe.
00:53:08I'm so glad that we got to hang out.
00:53:09Kai's told me so much about you.
00:53:11Yeah, I mean, he's my best friend, so that makes a lot of sense.
00:53:13Listen, you know so much about me, but I don't really know anything about you, which seems unfair.
00:53:17Uh, where are you from?
00:53:18Uh, Boston.
00:53:19Where are you from?
00:53:20What do your parents do?
00:53:21Oh, uh, my mom's an occupational therapist and my dad works for a mineral company.
00:53:25Are they still together?
00:53:26My parents?
00:53:27Uh, no, actually they split up.
00:53:29How old were you?
00:53:30Eleven.
00:53:31Ah, so you come from a broken family.
00:53:33Um, I mean, I wouldn't say broken.
00:53:36It was fine.
00:53:37Two Christmases.
00:53:38So you're a Christian.
00:53:39And you're in denial.
00:53:40Got it.
00:53:41Okay, so would you say that your upbringing has had some sort of impact on your current
00:53:44thoughts on commitment?
00:53:45What?
00:53:46Do you like to get serious?
00:53:47Or do you just keep things casual?
00:53:50I'm sorry.
00:53:51What's happening here?
00:53:53Cervezas.
00:53:54One for you.
00:53:55And one for you.
00:53:57Check it out.
00:53:58Chicken beer?
00:53:59Japanese sushi?
00:54:00What can I say?
00:54:01I'm giving you guys a world tour.
00:54:02You're cute.
00:54:03Isn't he the best?
00:54:04Yeah.
00:54:05So, uh, how many dates have you guys been on?
00:54:08Uh, technically this is our third.
00:54:10Third?
00:54:11Technically?
00:54:12Well, one night we just watched Tiger King, so I don't know if that counts as a real date.
00:54:16Yeah, I mean, it sounds pretty casual.
00:54:19I thought it was romantic.
00:54:21Then we'll count it.
00:54:22Count it!
00:54:23Count it!
00:54:24Kill me.
00:54:25I've said it once, and I'll say it again.
00:54:27There are two things that will never work in a marriage.
00:54:30One, the woman wearing the pants.
00:54:32Two, the woman being a motherly figure.
00:54:34Oh, honey.
00:54:36I just think at the end of the day, it's like love and marriage, it's just...
00:54:40I know you know this now, because I've told you.
00:54:42It's like...
00:54:43Shut up!
00:54:44Shut the fuck up!
00:54:45Seriously!
00:54:46Shut your fucking mouth!
00:54:48Holy hell, do you ever stop talking?
00:54:51All you do is talk and talk and talk, and I'm starting to feel like I live in a fucking hell prison of your fucking voice!
00:54:57Fuck!
00:54:58I have never, in my life, been more attracted to you.
00:55:24Yeah.
00:55:27We're going home straight to the bedroom.
00:55:30Pick up all this shit.
00:55:35So rude.
00:55:36Oh my god.
00:55:37Is that?
00:55:38Maya!
00:55:39Oh.
00:55:40My god.
00:55:41Wow.
00:55:42Do we have to say hi?
00:55:43Well now we fucking do.
00:55:44Hi!
00:55:45Hannah!
00:55:46Ty!
00:55:47Look.
00:55:50Great!
00:55:51Holy shit, how long has it been?
00:55:54I mean, I know, I don't think we've seen each other since Amy and Peter's wedding.
00:55:57Oh.
00:55:58So you heard?
00:55:59Of course.
00:56:00I was shocked to my core.
00:56:02It was very upsetting.
00:56:03A tragedy.
00:56:09So I should be going.
00:56:10Yes!
00:56:11Yes!
00:56:12Go!
00:56:13Babe!
00:56:14Come on!
00:56:15Okay, kiss kiss!
00:56:16See ya!
00:56:17Bye, Maya!
00:56:19If I never see her again, it'll only be too soon.
00:56:21I know!
00:56:22She stresses me out!
00:56:23Me too.
00:56:24Let's breathe.
00:56:28Stay calm!
00:56:29Stay calm!
00:56:30Think peaceful thoughts!
00:56:31Think Elle Fanning!
00:56:32What?
00:56:33Why would you make me think of Elle Fanning?
00:56:35That only makes me think of Dakota Fanning, who used to be more famous than her sister,
00:56:38and now she's not!
00:56:39Okay, okay.
00:56:40Think...
00:56:41Think pizza, pasta, sweet treats!
00:56:43Cellulite!
00:56:44Fuck!
00:56:45Fuck!
00:56:46I need to lose 50 pounds!
00:56:47Help!
00:56:48Someone save me!
00:56:49I mean us!
00:56:50We need to take shelter!
00:56:51Quick!
00:56:52Give me a boost!
00:56:53Oh, so you can leave me down here to be eaten by wild dogs?
00:56:55You'll be fine!
00:56:56Your blood is toxic!
00:56:57Dogs can sense that!
00:56:58Oh!
00:56:59Oh!
00:57:00Bad vibes!
00:57:01We have to run!
00:57:02I have to run?
00:57:03What?
00:57:04No, we have to run!
00:57:05Come on!
00:57:06Oh my God!
00:57:11This is it.
00:57:12We're in 127 hours.
00:57:14This effort's not gonna take that long for me to die.
00:57:17I'm not a survivor.
00:57:18And I know that.
00:57:19I am starving to death.
00:57:22I can literally feel my body eating itself alive.
00:57:25I'm so thirsty.
00:57:26I need water.
00:57:27Or Diet Coke, or a vodka Red Bull.
00:57:30I always knew I'd die on the set of Lord of the Rings with orcs all around me.
00:57:33I am not an orc!
00:57:35I always thought I'd die young.
00:57:40And I'm not even that young.
00:57:42Can't even get my own tragic death right.
00:57:44We should find a pretty place to lay our bones down for the final rest.
00:57:48We need shade.
00:57:50Here.
00:57:51Take this rock.
00:57:52And protect us from the indigenous people of this land.
00:57:56Ooh, I don't actually think there are indigenous people here anymore.
00:57:59And whose fault is that, Anderson?
00:58:01I'm so weak.
00:58:03I can feel the life draining from my eyes.
00:58:06Here.
00:58:07Sketch a message into the mud so that future generations will know we were here.
00:58:11Hey guys.
00:58:12We really want to keep it down here.
00:58:13We're trying to share the forest with everyone, okay?
00:58:14We're saved!
00:58:15No.
00:58:16No.
00:58:17This is my ginger rehab counselor.
00:58:18I think the mushrooms just hit.
00:58:19I'm JP.
00:58:20We've met.
00:58:21And you guys have literally been five feet from the trail this entire time.
00:58:24Well, it's the-
00:58:25Well, it's the-
00:58:26I mean, it's the arrow-
00:58:27Some of the trail signs are-
00:58:28Might as well be written in Egyptian.
00:58:29Hyaloglyphics.
00:58:30Right.
00:58:31Anderson, we're going to have to ask your sister to leave the retreat.
00:58:47You know that she's not supposed to be here, especially after what happened last time.
00:58:51happened last time. Oh, come on. How was I supposed to know you're not allowed to bring ecstasy to a rehab picnic? The kids loved it. Calico. March. I'm serious.
00:59:21Oh, come on.
00:59:51Oh, come on.
01:00:21Oh, come on.
01:00:31Oh, come on.
01:00:33Oh, come on.
01:00:37Oh, come on.
01:00:47Oh, come on.
01:00:49Oh, come on.
01:00:51Oh, come on.
01:00:53Stop whining.
01:00:55Just hold it still.
01:00:57Ow.
01:00:58Okay.
01:00:59Okay.
01:01:00Ow.
01:01:01Ow.
01:01:02Ow.
01:01:03Is that just house tape?
01:01:07Ow.
01:01:08I...
01:01:09I...
01:01:10Your thumb is mangled.
01:01:11It hurts.
01:01:12Good.
01:01:13Because it means your nerves are intact and because you also deserve it.
01:01:23What?
01:01:24I deserve it?
01:01:25What are you even doing out here all day?
01:01:27Huh?
01:01:28Deserve what?
01:01:29We had plans.
01:01:30Sam?
01:01:31Yeah.
01:01:32Yeah.
01:01:33You're right.
01:01:34Babe, you really should have said something.
01:01:37Oh.
01:01:38Should I have?
01:01:39Yeah.
01:01:40I think it may be...
01:01:41Oh, no!
01:01:42Jesus!
01:01:43I'm a little...
01:01:44What?
01:01:45I have...
01:01:46I'm always the one.
01:01:48I am always picking you up.
01:01:49Always!
01:01:50I have.
01:01:51You're right.
01:01:52Babe, you really should have said something.
01:01:53You should have said something.
01:01:54Oh, should I have?
01:01:55Yeah.
01:01:56I think it may be...
01:01:57What?
01:01:58Oh, no!
01:01:59Jesus!
01:02:00I have...
01:02:02I am always one.
01:02:07I am always picking you up.
01:02:10Always.
01:02:12Why?
01:02:23You slapped me really hard.
01:02:26You don't think I know what this is about?
01:02:28Who this is about?
01:02:31Yeah.
01:02:33What?
01:02:34Yeah.
01:02:35No.
01:02:36You're not.
01:02:38I wanted to do something.
01:02:40To make something.
01:02:43Wiggies.
01:02:45So poetic.
01:02:49God!
01:02:50You...
01:02:52You sheet of fucking glass.
01:02:58What?
01:03:00Theo, where are you going?
01:03:02I have plans, Sam.
01:03:05Lots of them.
01:03:10What?
01:03:18Shh.
01:03:23Hello?
01:03:26Raymond?
01:03:28Building something?
01:03:30Yeah.
01:03:31A deck.
01:03:33How long you been there?
01:03:34Wife troubles?
01:03:35No, she's my fiancée.
01:03:37What did you say?
01:03:39Fiancée.
01:03:40No, no, what did you do?
01:03:42Oh.
01:03:44It's complicated.
01:03:46We'll be all right.
01:03:53It...
01:03:53You know, it's just this girl I used to date.
01:03:57She's married, but she's getting a divorce now.
01:03:59It's stupid.
01:04:03What's so funny?
01:04:05You still love this girl?
01:04:10I don't think it's about that.
01:04:12Casual dalliance, then?
01:04:13What?
01:04:14Left-handed honeymoon?
01:04:15What?
01:04:16Do you want to sleep with her?
01:04:18No, no.
01:04:20Ray, I have a fiancée.
01:04:23Yeah, you said that already.
01:04:25Yeah.
01:04:28I did.
01:04:28Yeah, by the sound of it, you still do.
01:04:31Take it from me, kid.
01:04:32You get the beginning, you get the end, and usually, the only thing separating the two is a lot of wasted time.
01:04:39Hey, Ray.
01:04:41Are you good with this stuff?
01:04:42Women?
01:04:43No, lumber.
01:04:44I know a thing or two.
01:04:47Can you teach me?
01:04:49Oh, sure.
01:04:49You just hit the nail on the head.
01:04:52No.
01:04:52I...
01:04:52I mean, would you come over here and help me build it?
01:04:58Ah.
01:04:58No.
01:05:02No?
01:05:02No.
01:05:03Don't got the time.
01:05:04Tomorrow, then?
01:05:05Nope, can't.
01:05:07Why?
01:05:08Well...
01:05:09You're an asshole to my dog.
01:05:14Why didn't you say anything, then?
01:05:17Son...
01:05:18I was in the war.
01:05:21Oh.
01:05:27Oh...
01:05:29Wow, four dates.
01:05:59You guys are getting pretty serious.
01:06:01You guys gonna meet each other's parents soon?
01:06:05Um...
01:06:05I don't know what it is about eating outside.
01:06:10I mean, it just...
01:06:11The food just tastes better.
01:06:12Alcohol tastes better, too.
01:06:13So true.
01:06:15Fuck.
01:06:15I forgot the lines.
01:06:16No, that's okay.
01:06:17No, I have a whole bag, and they're really old, and if we don't use them, they're gonna go back.
01:06:20Well, I can get them.
01:06:21I'll be right back.
01:06:22So what are your intentions with Kai?
01:06:24What?
01:06:25Kai is fragile, okay?
01:06:27And if you're not in it for the long haul, I'm talking holding hands and dying in bed together.
01:06:32Like the notebook?
01:06:33Please do not bring that film up right now.
01:06:35I cannot handle that, okay?
01:06:36Anyways, if you're here to just have fun or something, then you might as well leave now and spare us all the heartbreak, okay?
01:06:42Dude, what is your deal?
01:06:43Are you seeing other guys?
01:06:45Are you clean?
01:06:46Excuse me?
01:06:47Sexually.
01:06:47Yeah, I know what you mean.
01:06:48When's the last time you had unprotected sex?
01:06:50Oh, my God.
01:06:51Hey, bad news.
01:06:52Motherfucka knew it.
01:06:53Limes are old.
01:06:54Good news.
01:06:54Neighbors said we could borrow some of theirs.
01:06:55I'll be right back.
01:06:56Please don't go.
01:06:56Be right back.
01:06:57I just don't think you're right for each other.
01:06:58Dude.
01:06:59I mean, do you even want kids?
01:07:00I don't know.
01:07:00Maybe one day.
01:07:01Maybe one day.
01:07:02Unbelievable.
01:07:03I'm 21.
01:07:04Yeah, my mom had me when she was 23.
01:07:06Well, times have changed.
01:07:07Times have changed.
01:07:09Because now commitment doesn't matter.
01:07:11Marriage doesn't mean anything.
01:07:12This is all just a bunch of bullshit.
01:07:13And whatever you're here to do, okay, it's just not going to work out.
01:07:16So you might as well leave before somebody gets hurt.
01:07:18Fine.
01:07:22You know, I don't know what I did or said to make you hate me, but this conversation is fucked up.
01:07:27You guys can have each other.
01:07:29Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:07:30I can't handle your roommate.
01:07:31I am so sorry, but he's just been having a really shitty day.
01:07:35He found out that his sister's getting a divorce.
01:07:38Really?
01:07:39Yeah, I just found out.
01:07:42I'm sorry.
01:07:43No, I'm sorry.
01:07:44I've acted like such a dick.
01:07:47It's just this whole thing is fucking with me, you know?
01:07:49Like, I always thought that love was real.
01:07:52Love is real.
01:07:53I mean, sometimes it's scary and it doesn't work out, but it's definitely real.
01:07:59Yeah, man.
01:08:00Just hang in there.
01:08:02Things will sort themselves out.
01:08:07Do you guys think we should have a threesome?
01:08:09Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
01:08:15I did it.
01:08:16I did it.
01:08:17Did sex?
01:08:18Yes.
01:08:19With Bill.
01:08:20A ton.
01:08:21He loves it.
01:08:22He's even got a name for my front tushy.
01:08:24Calls it the open road.
01:08:26Okay, that's sweet.
01:08:28Uh, yeah.
01:08:28And girl, did he drive down the open road?
01:08:33Woo!
01:08:34Did you know that sex on a trampoline is a weightless gift?
01:08:38I did not know that, but good to know.
01:08:41Got a little tramp burn on my belly, but it was worth it.
01:08:44Girl, I'm getting a tour of my house and home like I've never seen it before.
01:08:48And Bill says he's awake for the first time since W got elected.
01:08:52Okay, well, listen, Mary Grace, I am so happy for you.
01:08:56And I guess for Bill, too.
01:08:57I cannot thank you enough.
01:09:00I am sending you an edible arrangement today.
01:09:02No, no, no, no.
01:09:03Don't do that.
01:09:04That's not necessary.
01:09:04It's already done.
01:09:06I got your address from your mother.
01:09:07And don't you worry, I told her you were well acquainted with the man in town.
01:09:12And rest assured...
01:09:13Wait, wait, wait.
01:09:14What?
01:09:14You told my mom what?
01:09:15What, Bill?
01:09:16Mary Grace, what did you tell her?
01:09:17Oh, it's ready?
01:09:18Mary Grace.
01:09:19Okay, I gotta go.
01:09:20I'm gonna show Bill how to use the jacuzzi jets.
01:09:22Wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:09:22Did you say 32 dicks?
01:09:24Mary Grace.
01:09:24Bye, Lauren.
01:09:25Jesus and Bill and I love you so much.
01:09:28What does my mom know?
01:09:29What does she know?
01:09:31Jaime, come on, man.
01:09:34You're better than this.
01:09:37No, I'm not.
01:09:47Hi, Jaime.
01:10:06It's been a while.
01:10:08Hey.
01:10:10I miss you.
01:10:12Well, it's a little too late for that.
01:10:14I made a huge mistake.
01:10:17I should have given you a second chance.
01:10:20Well, too bad, because I moved on.
01:10:22Okay?
01:10:23No, you haven't.
01:10:25You still listen to Adele and Sam Smith every night until your eyes burn with salty tears.
01:10:30Shut up.
01:10:31That's not true.
01:10:32See?
01:10:32You were always pretending to be someone you're not because you were so afraid that I wouldn't love the real you.
01:10:37Oh, please.
01:10:39You kept getting distant until I didn't recognize you anymore.
01:10:42Well, surprise, surprise.
01:10:44The sock has all the answers.
01:10:47And what do you have, hmm?
01:10:48A drum set.
01:10:50Big man on campus with a drum set.
01:10:53Oh, wait.
01:10:54You're not on campus because you didn't go back to school.
01:10:58You know what?
01:10:58That's it.
01:10:59I'm so done.
01:11:00So done.
01:11:04I am so done.
01:11:06So...
01:11:09Wait.
01:11:13Let's be friends with benefits.
01:11:16And maybe we'll fall in love slowly again.
01:11:18Oh, baby.
01:11:20I'm sorry.
01:11:21I can't let you go.
01:11:22I can't let you go.
01:11:23I still love you.
01:11:27Oh, shit.
01:11:28Phil, we got 30 minutes before the kids get home, all right?
01:11:32So let's pave this open road with jacuzzi's finest.
01:11:36Woo!
01:11:36Fuck.
01:11:38Fuck.
01:11:42What the fuck?
01:11:46Hey, hey, hey.
01:11:47You okay?
01:11:47Oh, hey, neighbor.
01:11:50I'm fine.
01:11:51I'm fine.
01:11:52I was just, um...
01:11:53Reclaiming your space?
01:11:55Can you...
01:11:55Hear all the inspirational shit that you're shouting all day?
01:11:58I can.
01:11:59Yeah.
01:11:59You know, thin walls.
01:12:00But don't worry, though.
01:12:00I'm sure you hear all kind of crazy shit from my place, too.
01:12:03No.
01:12:04No, not at all.
01:12:06I mean, except that you've had 32 dicks in your body.
01:12:10That was the TV.
01:12:12Oh.
01:12:12Yeah.
01:12:13Okay, well, I was just making sure that no one was dead out here, like, exploded into pieces,
01:12:18so check.
01:12:19I'm gonna go back inside.
01:12:21Wait.
01:12:23Um, if you're not doing anything, do you want to come over and have a drink?
01:12:31Oh.
01:12:32Oh.
01:12:32Uh, yeah, I think probably not, but thank you.
01:12:37And, um, and, you know, don't sweat it, because I know that you're going through a lot,
01:12:41uh, but sooner or later, you'll hook up with someone hot.
01:12:45Trademark.
01:12:47That was the TV.
01:12:48Right.
01:12:50You know what?
01:12:51Ah, fuck it.
01:12:52Let's do it.
01:12:53Really?
01:12:54Yeah, just, uh, just know that if this ends up in your vlog, I will key your car.
01:12:58That's fair.
01:12:59All right, come on.
01:13:01Lucky number 33.
01:13:02Oh, fuck off.
01:13:04Hey, um, sorry I got you in trouble with that ginger.
01:13:07It's okay.
01:13:08He's whatever.
01:13:09It's kind of nice having someone care enough to recognize a bad influence, you know what
01:13:12I mean?
01:13:12Totally.
01:13:14So, are you going to stick with this whole sober thing?
01:13:17I think I am.
01:13:18After hearing about Amy and Peter, it's made me think if I don't quit on this rehab thing,
01:13:23I might have a chance to restart, you know?
01:13:24Yeah, I do know.
01:13:26It's made me realize that I, I can't quit on Gabriel, you know?
01:13:31I have to go back and try to fuck my boyfriend in the ass.
01:13:35Oh, so that's something I think you should quit on.
01:13:37Okay.
01:13:37Just relax, you know?
01:13:40Let all your bee stings soak.
01:13:43Man, you got stung so many times.
01:13:46No one could have seen that coming.
01:13:48I saw it coming until they started going through my eyes.
01:13:50No, no, no.
01:13:52But how do you feel?
01:13:56This is actually really nice.
01:13:58I know.
01:13:59It's a little bit tight, so I'm just going to slip into here and you're going to dip and
01:14:06give me your bottom.
01:14:07Okay.
01:14:08Oh, this is good.
01:14:10I feel really vulnerable in this position.
01:14:12I feel great.
01:14:13I feel very powerful.
01:14:14I feel like I could do anything to you and I wouldn't get in trouble because I would have
01:14:20better lawyers than you and it would be my word against yours.
01:14:22That's a very specific fantasy.
01:14:25Deep breath.
01:14:26Now I'm going to insert my little finger into your little butthole.
01:14:31Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:14:32What's happening here?
01:14:33This has gone from like zero to 60.
01:14:35I thought you just wanted me to tie you up or lightly choke you.
01:14:38What is this?
01:14:39Amateur night at the Apollo?
01:14:41Why are you so paranoid about us losing the passion?
01:14:43We have great sex.
01:14:45We're going to keep having great sex because I love you.
01:14:48Okay?
01:14:50Wait, really?
01:14:52Yeah.
01:14:53I know it's really soon for me to say that, but I do.
01:14:59I do too.
01:15:03I guess, I guess I was trying to make you do all that crazy stuff because, you know,
01:15:09my friends Amy and Peter are getting divorced and they're our age and I just feel like if
01:15:14the passion can die for them, then it can die for us.
01:15:17I won't let that happen.
01:15:18Think you swear?
01:15:22Not that.
01:15:25Okay, just this once.
01:15:27Right, just this once.
01:15:28Because next time it will be this.
01:15:30Vanessa, no.
01:15:31Yes.
01:15:31No, Vanessa.
01:15:32Drop it.
01:15:32I'm...
01:15:33Drop it.
01:15:34It's a deal breaker.
01:15:35Drop it.
01:15:35It's a deal breaker.
01:15:36Just the pinky.
01:15:37Put it to the side.
01:15:39Just the pinky.
01:15:40Okay.
01:15:48Your grandparents really knew how to keep the love alive.
01:15:52Yeah.
01:15:55How long were they married for?
01:15:57About 63 years.
01:16:00You know, it was before my grandma...
01:16:01Died.
01:16:04Right.
01:16:06So can I have this?
01:16:08You want a photo of my dead grandparents?
01:16:10Yeah.
01:16:11I mean, they're dead and...
01:16:12I understand.
01:16:13She always loved us.
01:16:15Sure.
01:16:15So can I have this or are you just...
01:16:17What?
01:16:18Why don't we come back to the photo?
01:16:23Yeah.
01:16:23Yeah.
01:16:24Okay.
01:16:24Great.
01:16:31What about bubbles?
01:16:33You want bubbles?
01:16:34You always hated my fish.
01:16:35No, that's not what I'm saying.
01:16:37Well, then what are you saying?
01:16:39I think we should split her 50-50.
01:16:43How the fuck do you split a fish?
01:16:44You get half, I get half.
01:16:45It's the only way.
01:16:46I'm confused.
01:16:46Are you saying that she want to kill my fish?
01:16:49You said you want it to be fair and this is fair.
01:16:51So we just got to burn her up and slit the bitch's ashes.
01:16:55What is wrong with you?
01:16:56What the fuck is wrong with you?
01:16:58You care more about a fish dying than our death.
01:17:04Our proverbial death.
01:17:05You should be sad.
01:17:06I am sad.
01:17:06Oh, yeah.
01:17:07You have a funny way of showing it.
01:17:08What the fuck are you talking about?
01:17:16Amy?
01:17:18What if I lit this book on fire?
01:17:19Would that make you sad?
01:17:20Amy?
01:17:21How would that make you feel sad, Peter?
01:17:23Amy?
01:17:24No.
01:17:25No, you wouldn't do that.
01:17:27You know how much Michelle means to me.
01:17:28You're going to cry, Peter?
01:17:29You're looking a little teary-eyed.
01:17:31You are acting insane right now.
01:17:33I just want you to care.
01:17:34I do care.
01:17:35Oh, yeah.
01:17:36But clearly, I can't convince you of it.
01:17:39So if you're going to burn that book, burn the fucking book.
01:17:42We're getting off track.
01:17:43The point is, a 10-year relationship is ending and you haven't shed a single fucking tear.
01:17:49Oh, so just because you've cried, you're better than me.
01:17:51Yes, that is exactly what that means.
01:17:52I cry.
01:17:53Okay?
01:17:54I can cry.
01:17:54Oh, yeah?
01:17:55Yeah.
01:17:55This shit is hard for me, too.
01:17:57Then cry.
01:17:58Cry, you fucking pussy.
01:18:00Fine.
01:18:08Motherfucker.
01:18:10What?
01:18:11I've got to, like, get there.
01:18:12Yeah, get there.
01:18:18Oh, God, what is running with me?
01:18:24What are you doing?
01:18:25Stab me.
01:18:28What?
01:18:28Take these scissors and stab me.
01:18:30Absolutely not.
01:18:31Come on, I need, like, a physical push.
01:18:33I'm clearly not getting there emotionally.
01:18:35You know, just like a...
01:18:35And then I'm there.
01:18:37No, what if I, like, hit an artery or something?
01:18:39What the fuck do you know about arteries?
01:18:40Nothing, and I don't want to fuck around with them.
01:18:42Okay, fine.
01:18:46Hit me.
01:18:47What?
01:18:47Punch me in the face, right?
01:18:48Okay, sure.
01:18:49Okay, cool.
01:18:50So, but wait, not too hard.
01:18:51I don't want to bruise.
01:18:52Seriously?
01:18:53What, do you want people to think that you beat me?
01:18:55Good point.
01:18:56Okay.
01:18:56So, um...
01:18:57Punch me in the stomach.
01:18:59Okay.
01:18:59Perfect, you know?
01:19:00Okay, yeah, I can do that.
01:19:01It won't be too bad, but it'll be enough, right?
01:19:03Okay.
01:19:03Okay, all right, so I'm just gonna flex.
01:19:07Ow!
01:19:08What the fuck?
01:19:08Oh, sorry, it was just a reflex.
01:19:10Goodbye, you fucking asshole.
01:19:11I'm the asshole?
01:19:12Yes, this is all your fault.
01:19:14Right, right, no, yeah, no, you're perfect, and I'm the monster.
01:19:17I never said you were a monster.
01:19:19Yeah, well, you sure act like it.
01:19:20Like, it's my fault that we aren't where we used to be.
01:19:23Well, it's...
01:19:24It is partially your fault.
01:19:26Yeah, but it's also yours, you know?
01:19:29Like, it takes two to dance or whatever.
01:19:32Sure, but that's not a phrase.
01:19:39God, this just fucking sucks.
01:19:40Oh, my God.
01:19:49What?
01:19:50You're crying.
01:19:57I fucking did it.
01:19:59You fucking did it.
01:20:02Oh, my...
01:20:03Oh, my God.
01:20:04Wait.
01:20:06I think I have another one coming.
01:20:07Give it to me.
01:20:08It's fucking coming.
01:20:09Oh, come for me.
01:20:11It's fucking coming.
01:20:13It's fucking coming.
01:20:15And it's coming.
01:20:21Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
01:20:23Yes.
01:20:28Yes!
01:20:29We made it!
01:20:30Woo-woo!
01:20:31Thank God we were invited this time.
01:20:33Were you guys invited?
01:20:34Oh, I forwarded them the link.
01:20:36Okay, so can I ask, is the divorce weighing heavily on anyone else?
01:20:41Yes.
01:20:42Yeah.
01:20:42Um, no.
01:20:43Yeah, I'm doing fine.
01:20:44Honestly, you guys, it has, like, deeply affected me.
01:20:48You should hear what I tried to do to my boyfriend.
01:20:51Seriously, Hannah, I want to tell you what I tried to do to my boyfriend.
01:20:54Okay, anyone else want to weigh in?
01:21:00For me, the divorce has had a deep effect on my spirit.
01:21:03You still at rehab with the teens?
01:21:05Wilderness rehab?
01:21:07Right.
01:21:07No.
01:21:08I'm with my new guru, Vishnu.
01:21:10Oh, God.
01:21:10Anderson, did you join another cult?
01:21:12We talked about this.
01:21:13Hard to say.
01:21:14Well, I don't know how the news has really affected me, but it sent my mom down a real
01:21:18spiral that ended with her setting up a call with my former youth pastor that took a very
01:21:23sexually explicit turn.
01:21:25Hot.
01:21:25Yeah, I took the news pretty badly, um, but thankfully my friends have been there for
01:21:29me.
01:21:30Hi, everyone.
01:21:31Hey.
01:21:31Who are these children?
01:21:32And where are Amy and Peter?
01:21:33It's like one depressing group call was bad enough, but then to schedule a second one and
01:21:37then show up late?
01:21:38Yeah, I was really looking forward to seeing Peter.
01:21:40You're the only one.
01:21:41I heard that.
01:21:42Okay, Noah, relax.
01:21:43Why don't you just go make out with one of your partners?
01:21:46Oh, my God.
01:21:47Is this what they call a thruple?
01:21:48Oh, bitch, don't act like you don't know what a threesome is.
01:21:51I was there on Halloween 2012.
01:21:53Shut up, Anderson.
01:21:54Boop.
01:21:54Just fuck off right now.
01:21:55Vishnu, they're messing with my spirit again.
01:21:58Oh, my God.
01:21:59Anderson, shut the fuck up with your fake sobriety.
01:22:02It's not fake.
01:22:03I am sober from synthetic drugs.
01:22:06There is no difference.
01:22:07If you're sober, you're sober.
01:22:08Oh, there actually is.
01:22:09Anderson, you keep bringing up stupid shit from college.
01:22:12Peter is such an amazing guy.
01:22:13He's like a 10 out of 10 dude.
01:22:15Noah, Noah, enough.
01:22:16It wasn't a threesome.
01:22:17It was like someone happened to be in the room.
01:22:19I left the camp a little early.
01:22:21Yeah, I called it a camp.
01:22:22It didn't feel like a rehab to me.
01:22:23There was too many hot kids.
01:22:24I didn't want to be on the Zoom call.
01:22:26I'm realizing I didn't want to be on this.
01:22:27Yes, Ty, let's go to the park.
01:22:29Well, fuck you.
01:22:30And fuck you.
01:22:31I'm not even talking to you.
01:22:33Toodles, bitch.
01:22:34Thank you, guys.
01:22:34Thank you for inviting us this time.
01:22:36You guys are all just jealous because my boyfriend let me peg him
01:22:38and none of yours will.
01:22:39Who cares?
01:22:40Goodbye, you guys.
01:22:40I'm leaving.
01:22:42I miss Peter.
01:22:44Oh, wow.
01:22:45Yeah.
01:22:46I love you.
01:22:48I love you, too.
01:22:51It's so sweet that you're so in touch with your emotions now.
01:22:55Yeah.
01:22:56It's like the switch got turned on and I can't turn it off.
01:23:02Yeah, turn it off.
01:23:04Yeah, okay.
01:23:06You think we should tell our friends about calling off the whole divorce thing?
01:23:16Yeah.
01:23:23Do you think we could not tell them?
01:23:26Oh, thank God.
01:23:27Yeah, I really didn't want to go through that again.
01:23:30Me neither.
01:23:38I think I hate our friends.
01:23:39I'm sorry.
01:23:40I hate you.
01:23:41I don't know.
01:23:41I'm sorry.
01:23:41I'll be sorry.
01:23:41You're on.
01:23:42I'm sorry.
01:23:43Because I know of you.
01:23:46I don't know.
01:23:47I don't want to know you.
01:23:49But I'm sorry.
01:23:51You didn't want to know me.
01:23:51I don't want to know you guys.
01:23:52Yeah, I mean, I thought you're wrong.
01:23:52I think I was gonna be silly.
01:23:53I don't know you.
01:23:53You guys don't want to know me.
01:23:54So when I was wrong, I was gonna have to know you.
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