- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:01Beautiful. Beautiful.
00:00:03Unbelievable.
00:00:05Come on.
00:00:07It's not the alternator.
00:00:09Okay, where is this place?
00:00:11It's busy.
00:00:12Where is she? Where are you?
00:00:14Oh, come on.
00:00:16I know it's gonna be here. I know.
00:00:18Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
00:00:20Oh, my God, I put money into you all the time.
00:00:22It's not the distributor.
00:00:24I'm gonna be late.
00:00:25It's 17th time.
00:00:27You said five minutes. That was 20 minutes ago.
00:00:29Come on!
00:00:30I wrote it on the table, put it in my purse.
00:00:33Unbooked. Sorority girls from Fresno. I love it.
00:00:36This is exactly what I needed to do.
00:00:38That is just about perfect bank. I'm sick of this.
00:00:41That's old damn car. Let me wait again.
00:00:43What am I gonna do?
00:00:45Shit.
00:00:46Get call waiting, dude. Come on.
00:00:48You do this to me all the time.
00:00:50She does this to me all the time.
00:00:52I hate you.
00:00:53Walked out the door, got in my car, and it's... it's here.
00:00:58Oh, I forgot those goddamn papers. Fuck.
00:01:03I always forget something.
00:01:04Goddamn it.
00:01:28Go to death.
00:01:39packing us on the cover.
00:01:40Just figuring out your Planes.
00:01:43You win.
00:01:46I have no idea.
00:01:47To be here, I hate you.
00:01:49What do you think?
00:02:21I met this woman once and her sight was failing. Not in her eyes, but it was in her mind. You know, for some people, the eyes fail, the lights dim, they go blind.
00:02:40For her, her spirit was failing, her world going dim, her heart going blind. And as it progressed, I'd see her.
00:02:51When she saw the darkness beginning to encroach, she'd talk about it, where it was.
00:02:57There, she'd say, the darkness has taken over my lover who no longer wants me.
00:03:03And here, the darkness is covering my heart with the sadness of this separation.
00:03:10And it grew around her, covering larger and larger areas of her life until it covered almost her whole field of view.
00:03:20And finally, she, her whole existence, her whole existence was in this deep, black darkness.
00:03:32And she came to me and she came to me that day and she said to me, George, the whole world is as black as my bitter heart.
00:03:41George, all except for one last speck, one last spot.
00:03:47And in that one last spot, George, I see a dim glimmer of light.
00:03:52It's the only light I see.
00:03:54And it took all this darkness and all this blackness for me to see this light.
00:04:03But then, she moved towards it and into it.
00:04:10And she became blanketed by light.
00:04:14And then, she wore it like a queen's robe.
00:04:18She wore this light and she'd throw it around you, covering you in her robe of light.
00:04:23And it was a good thing, her darkness, in the end.
00:04:29In darkness, she said to me, compassion is born.
00:04:34What?
00:04:35Oh, sorry, I wasn't talking to you.
00:04:36I was, I was just talking to me.
00:04:38I, I just have a word problem.
00:04:39I just got all these thoughts.
00:04:40They just keep coming at me.
00:04:42I just can't stop them.
00:04:43I can't stand the flow.
00:04:44It's like a river, like a, like a river without a dam.
00:04:46I just say what's on my mind, that's all.
00:04:48Just, just say what's on your mind.
00:04:50That's what they told me.
00:04:51Speak up, I can't hear you.
00:04:53Oh, I'll say what's on my mind.
00:05:00But some people, they got thoughts that's just all locked up in there.
00:05:05They can't let them out.
00:05:07Afraid they're gonna bite you.
00:05:12Yeah, but you've got thoughts you don't even want to think about, much less talk about.
00:05:16Like that time you hurt somebody, and you wanted to.
00:05:21You hurt them real bad.
00:05:22And it felt good at the time, didn't it?
00:05:24It felt real good.
00:05:25But maybe now it don't feel so good no more, huh?
00:05:28I hurt somebody.
00:05:31I hurt them real bad.
00:05:35That's me.
00:05:38People tell you somebody hurt them and they went crazy?
00:05:40No, I'm telling you, you hurt somebody, and you go just as crazy.
00:05:47You can't be too cautious.
00:05:58That's why he wears them gloves all the time.
00:06:00Little germs and diseases on everything.
00:06:06I got some on my shoe right now.
00:06:11Crawling around, mutating, cohabitating, breeding so they can crawl on to other places and infest them.
00:06:17Some of those diseases, they're bad, yeah, they get on your skin, they make your skin fall right off.
00:06:29But some of them, some of them get in your brain.
00:06:33Oh, and those are the kind that gloves won't help.
00:06:35No, condoms won't help either.
00:06:39No, those brain diseases, those word diseases, they get stuck on stuff too,
00:06:47but not on your shoes or toilet seats or nothing like that.
00:06:50No, they get stuck to your words first.
00:06:54Or maybe they get stuck to the words you hear first.
00:06:58And then they make their way back inside your mind.
00:07:01And then they go straight down into your soul and they make your soul sick and diseased, rotten.
00:07:09And they're powerful.
00:07:11As powerful as any disease known to mankind may be more powerful
00:07:14because these, these word diseases, these brain diseases,
00:07:17they're more contagious than the strongest virus.
00:07:21And you don't need to breathe the air.
00:07:23Somebody else is breathing to catch them either.
00:07:26No, you only need to listen to what they say.
00:07:31And they can kill millions.
00:07:33They can infest millions at a time.
00:07:36I got one.
00:07:45I got one.
00:07:46I must have one.
00:07:48I must have one.
00:07:52I must have one.
00:08:06I must have one.
00:08:24I must have one.
00:08:25I must have one.
00:08:27I'll never always say, never alone in the sky.
00:08:30I said to myself, you know what I mean for my life?
00:08:33I promise you.
00:08:35God!
00:08:36God!
00:08:37God!
00:08:38God!
00:08:40God!
00:08:41God!
00:08:42God!
00:08:43God!
00:08:44God!
00:08:45God!
00:08:46God!
00:08:47God!
00:08:48God!
00:08:49God!
00:08:50God!
00:08:51God!
00:08:52God!
00:08:53God!
00:08:54God!
00:08:55God!
00:08:56God!
00:08:57Oh, my God.
00:09:27Oh, my God.
00:09:57Oh, my fear of failure.
00:10:11Oh, my God.
00:10:13Logic dictates that I'm a failure, complete loser.
00:10:18I mean, how do I not feel like I've failed when I've had so little more failures in my life than I've had successes?
00:10:23Big failures, too.
00:10:25The things that I've tried the hardest at seem to be the things that fail the worst.
00:10:31And the failures just seem to keep on mounting more and more of them every day.
00:10:35Maybe I am a failure.
00:10:37Failed person.
00:10:39Bad human.
00:10:40Worthless specimen.
00:10:41Yeah, I think the real thing is, it's not the failure.
00:10:47It's not the fear.
00:10:51It's just me making an excuse for self-pity.
00:10:55Oh, my God.
00:11:25Hey, what are you doing over there?
00:11:30Just eating a bagel.
00:11:32How are you this fine morning, ma'am?
00:11:34Well, go eat your bagel someplace else.
00:11:37And stay out of our garbage.
00:11:39I'm just trying to get something to eat.
00:11:42Go dig around in your own garbage.
00:11:45This garbage is ours.
00:11:46I'm just trying to do it.
00:11:49What is it?
00:11:51Land the desert.
00:11:53I'm just kidding.
00:11:55I'm just kidding.
00:11:57I'm just kidding.
00:11:58I'm just kidding.
00:11:59I'm just kidding.
00:11:59I said, Oh
00:12:18So
00:12:29I wonder why that woman left me a bagel.
00:12:38She did leave me a bagel, didn't she?
00:12:41Does she like me?
00:12:43Could anybody ever love me again?
00:12:47Oh boy, that's the thought that just really terrifies me.
00:12:50The thought of being unloved.
00:12:52The thought of being uncared for.
00:12:55It's like I'm just a spirit here on this planet.
00:12:58Trapped in this body.
00:13:00And I know how to do things like make money and dress nicely.
00:13:06Be charming.
00:13:08And I know these things would draw other people to me.
00:13:12And they might even love me again.
00:13:14But somewhere in some rancid part of myself,
00:13:17I wonder if they love the true me or just the appearance of me.
00:13:21My money.
00:13:22My clothes.
00:13:24My charm.
00:13:25My jokes.
00:13:26So I stripped it all away, I guess.
00:13:34Hoping that somebody would see the true me and love it.
00:13:38So I guess that's why I talk so much.
00:13:44And maybe that's why some people let themselves get out of shape or keep themselves unkempt or smell bad.
00:13:51It's just their soul crying out for recognition.
00:13:54They want people to see the true self on the inside.
00:13:57That's why really rich or beautiful, famous people, they have so much problems in their lives.
00:14:06Because they attract people that nurture their surface structure and not their soul.
00:14:11Because the soul is a very difficult thing to express.
00:14:13It's scary, it's scary, it's scary because it might be rejected.
00:14:18It's difficult because even I don't know what my soul is.
00:14:21I mean, it's always in motion.
00:14:23It's moving this way and that way.
00:14:27This way and that way.
00:14:30This way and that way and this way and that way.
00:14:40I used to be in a very different place.
00:14:46Are you tired of your old car?
00:14:48Of course you are.
00:14:49Now would you rather have a new car or an old car?
00:14:52Of course you'd rather have a new car.
00:14:54What if I was telling you that you could have a brand new Mashouda Scouter
00:14:59for the same payments as a two-year-old trail boss?
00:15:03You'd take the new car, right?
00:15:05That's what I did.
00:15:06Bought one for my family.
00:15:07We'd love it.
00:15:07It is a beautiful car.
00:15:09You're going to love this car.
00:15:24You're going to love it.
00:15:54You're going to love it.
00:16:24You're going to love it.
00:16:54where it is. It's right here in my heart. In my heart. I wonder where the first time
00:17:09love came from anyway. You know the first time something or somebody actually felt love.
00:17:18It was probably two great apes. Two great apes who were just fucking wildly in the jungle.
00:17:23Fucking their brains out. And suddenly this feeling like a fiery waterfall comes rushing
00:17:28over them. And they get this look and one of them looks into the other one's eyes. And
00:17:35the other one looks back. And they slow down for a minute because they realize they don't
00:17:40have to do this just to procreate anymore. And they get this feeling. They start feeling
00:17:47something. Something coming from the generation of life itself is overwhelming them. And they
00:17:54take this raw material into themselves and they start making something. They start making love.
00:18:04Yeah. That's where love first came from. And it's probably where language first came
00:18:11from as well. Because one of those big apes, probably the woman, looked into the other one's
00:18:18words. And I heard the first word. Luke. Which man? I love you.
00:18:33If I let myself love again? Jesus. I don't know. I'm afraid I might get hurt again by love.
00:18:48For good reason. But if I let that fear win. God. If I let that fear win and sever the slim
00:18:57hope that I have for really deep, true, meaningful love. If I sever that cord and go the root of
00:19:03the tough guy. Unaffected by his emotions. Or the sad guy. Destroyed by his emotions. Either
00:19:11way. Either way, I'll be cutting myself off from the purpose and the reason why I'm here.
00:19:18I don't know. I don't know if I can ever let go of the love that I had. I mean, I tried,
00:19:25but it just keeps coming back. Which is good, I think. What the?
00:19:32I mean, I just, I just hurt her so bad. Oh, but maybe, maybe I can let go of them. Just a
00:20:00little bit at a time. Just piece by piece. Maybe for a moment, just, just one moment. I go of
00:20:17every last bit of it. Just so I can see how it's gonna be. It's so good.
00:20:30But here.
00:20:31So that's a point.
00:20:32What about you.
00:20:35Look.
00:20:36What about you.
00:20:37My gosh!
00:20:42What about you.
00:20:47Well, hello there, Mr. Dumpster.
00:21:12Oh, sorry, Ms. Dumpster.
00:21:15How could I have been so far?
00:21:17I must say, you are looking ravishing today.
00:21:20Why, if I was a trash can, I'd love nothing more than to fill you up.
00:21:24But I hear you're not feeling so good today.
00:21:27I understand they got you with some graffiti.
00:21:29It's not very nice graffiti either, is it?
00:21:33You wish they could have done something a little more colorful, you know?
00:21:35I mean, there's just no accounting for taste these days.
00:21:38Hmm?
00:21:39Well, maybe they didn't have anything nicer to say.
00:21:42But I got something for you to help you brighten your day.
00:21:45There you go.
00:21:48It's from Mr. Dumpster down the street.
00:21:51Yeah.
00:21:52I think he's got a crush on you.
00:21:55Well, you have a good day.
00:21:56Huh?
00:21:59Oh, you're very welcome.
00:22:01And thank you for that pizza yesterday.
00:22:02It was fantastic.
00:22:04I must say, the bouquet of the tomato sauce was superb.
00:22:08The overall ambiance was wonderful.
00:22:10I'd give you four and a half stars.
00:22:13What?
00:22:14Oh, you got something for me in here?
00:22:18Well, let me take a look.
00:22:22Oh.
00:22:23Now, do you want to take a chance on buying a used car that might be a lemon?
00:22:33Of course you don't.
00:22:35Do you want to take a chance on buying a car that's got a bad reliability rating?
00:22:39No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:22:41Now, I guess you've heard some of the negative publicity about the Maschuda Scouters.
00:22:46It's just a bunch of hogwash that's been generated by our competitors.
00:22:50Now, I bought one of these cars, and they're great cars.
00:22:52And don't worry about the safety on these things.
00:22:55I can verify for it myself.
00:22:56I've driven these things all over the place, and they're great cars.
00:23:00I think you should consider buying one.
00:23:01Is she the one, the woman with the bagel?
00:23:11Yes!
00:23:13Yes!
00:23:31You got something for me in here?
00:23:47I can feel it.
00:23:53What have we here?
00:23:58Ah, cool!
00:24:01Oh, these are nice.
00:24:09My size.
00:24:27Thank you, Jambo.
00:24:29God of the dumpsters.
00:24:31The one who puts all good things in dumpsters.
00:24:34The God of garbage.
00:24:35The garbage God.
00:24:36The way.
00:24:37The truth.
00:24:38The light.
00:24:40The filth.
00:24:42Oh, we find your altars in every city.
00:24:44Churches in every alley.
00:24:47People sacrificing to you consistently, and you give back so profusely, so unselfishly.
00:24:51Thank you for these many gifts, my friendly God, you great smelly one.
00:25:01You are the one who provides for the homeless.
00:25:03You have truly saved my life, for without you, I would have died from a hunger and cold long ago.
00:25:17Oh, hi, miss this door.
00:25:32Uh, the flowers?
00:25:33No.
00:25:34No, uh, they're not for you.
00:25:35Uh, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:37I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:38I just want you to...
00:25:39Is that okay?
00:25:40Okay.
00:25:41Great.
00:25:42Thanks.
00:25:43Thanks a lot.
00:25:44Thanks a lot.
00:25:45Hi, Mrs. Dorr. Uh, the flowers? No. No, uh, they're not for you. Uh, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:54Okay, great. Thanks.
00:25:58Thanks a lot.
00:26:15No. No. No. Just do what I say. Just do what I say.
00:26:45Jesus.
00:26:49Hey, babe. Thanks for the flowers. That was really sweet.
00:26:52I didn't send you any flowers.
00:26:56Really?
00:26:57Who sent you these flowers?
00:27:00I don't know.
00:27:01Did you fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:03What are you talking about?
00:27:05Well, usually, if you fuck somebody, they send you flowers. Is that what you did? You fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:11You never sent me flowers when we first had sex.
00:27:15Don't change the goddamn subject. Did you fuck somebody for these flowers or what?
00:27:19No. And stop saying fuck so much.
00:27:22Why? Does it make you feel guilty?
00:27:24No. It makes me feel like asking you to leave.
00:27:28Oh, so now you're leaving me because you fucked somebody.
00:27:31Look, I'm not leaving you. I'm just asking you to leave.
00:27:36But, Joanne, I don't care if you fuck this guy. You don't have to break up.
00:27:43I think you'd better go.
00:27:45For good?
00:27:47Yeah, I guess so.
00:27:50But, Joanna, I love you.
00:27:54I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:56Goodbye, Scott.
00:28:04You know, that's just like a woman.
00:28:07Find somebody else to fuck and dump the guy that really loves you.
00:28:11I remember old Calvin.
00:28:17Poor bastard. He ran into me just after the accident.
00:28:21He was just another street person.
00:28:23And I was still a member of society.
00:28:28He was crying.
00:28:29And he was coveting this small vial.
00:28:37I was drunk.
00:28:39I wanted to just stay drunk and get drunker and just stay that way.
00:28:47But as he was crying, I said,
00:28:48Hey, Calvin.
00:28:50Why don't you and me just go out to the best bar in town and we'll just cry all night together?
00:28:55And he looked at me and he says,
00:28:58No one's going to cry with you, mister.
00:29:04You're doomed to do all your crying alone.
00:29:07Woo-hoo!
00:29:08Man, that shook me up a little bit.
00:29:12I don't know.
00:29:14So I asked for a swig off his vial.
00:29:19And then he showed it to me.
00:29:20It wasn't alcohol at all.
00:29:21It was his tears in this vial.
00:29:25He was collecting his tears.
00:29:27He would hold it up to his eye.
00:29:29And his tears would roll into it.
00:29:31I asked him what had happened to him and he just lost it.
00:29:42I mean, he was bitter.
00:29:42So I took him back to his place.
00:29:47I looked around.
00:29:48There was no decorations on the walls or anything.
00:29:50There was just all these notebooks lined up on the shelves.
00:29:53They're filled with just the saddest poetry you ever saw.
00:29:56I mean, it was pathetic.
00:29:57And then, on the window seal, there was these small little blue vials lined up.
00:30:08He had been collecting his tears in these vials.
00:30:15It must have been over a gallon of stuff.
00:30:18And he told me, he said,
00:30:20I'm going to send these to her when I die so she can see all the pain and suffering I've been through.
00:30:27And I said,
00:30:28Send all your pain and suffering to the woman you love?
00:30:33I missed her.
00:30:33I don't think that's right.
00:30:35I don't think that's love.
00:30:36Then I thought about it.
00:30:39And I thought,
00:30:40That's what I've been doing with my drinking.
00:30:43Just showing the world how much pain and suffering I have.
00:30:48Right then and there,
00:30:49I said,
00:30:50No more drinking.
00:30:53Then I started ducking.
00:30:56And I haven't shut up since.
00:30:58Now I wish I could just shut up.
00:31:00But my mind won't let me.
00:31:02It has no gate on it.
00:31:03No spigot.
00:31:04No valve.
00:31:05I'm so tired of hearing you talk.
00:31:09Just leave me alone.
00:31:11Just shut up.
00:31:13Just shut up.
00:31:14You keep doing the same things over and over again.
00:31:18And you don't stop.
00:31:19It's like a brain skipping,
00:31:21a CD skipping,
00:31:22a computer skipping,
00:31:24a rock skipping on the water.
00:31:26Just leave me alone.
00:31:28Just stop.
00:31:30Just stop.
00:31:35So what's going on?
00:31:53I broke up with Scott.
00:31:55Shocking.
00:31:56You never did like him.
00:31:58It's not that I didn't like him.
00:32:01I just thought he was a scumbag, dick-lick loser,
00:32:05chauvinistic, unprincipled, uncaring,
00:32:07total sleazeball cheeseball.
00:32:09That's all.
00:32:10Look, I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:13I mean, why do I always end up with the Scott-like thing?
00:32:17I try and be careful and pick someone that'll be good to me.
00:32:19No, you don't.
00:32:21You always end up with the hottest, coolest, richest showpieces in town without fail.
00:32:26And somehow you expect these guys to be different on the inside than they are on the outside.
00:32:30And they're not.
00:32:31Big surprise.
00:32:33No, I don't.
00:32:34Yes, you do.
00:32:35To you, a man is the ultimate fashion accessory.
00:32:39Sorry.
00:32:40Well, what are you looking for?
00:32:42I don't know.
00:32:44Well, what attracted you to Scott?
00:32:45I thought he was different.
00:32:50Different how?
00:32:52Okay.
00:32:53I thought he was cute.
00:32:55There you go.
00:32:56Well, how am I supposed to go out with a guy I don't think is cute?
00:32:59I don't know.
00:33:00I couldn't do it.
00:33:01I mean, good-looking guys are assholes.
00:33:05And ugly guys are nice.
00:33:07They'd have to be here, or else they'd never get late.
00:33:09Oh, right.
00:33:09So, you wind up hanging out with some nice, ugly guy having a great time
00:33:13until some good-looking asshole comes by and tricks you into thinking he's nice.
00:33:18So, you break up with the ugly guy and break his heart.
00:33:21And then the good-looking asshole dumps you and your whole life's a mess.
00:33:25That's not true.
00:33:26Ugly guys can be just as much trouble as good-looking guys.
00:33:30So, I figure, why not have someone good-looking treating you like shit?
00:33:35So, you want someone who will treat you like shit?
00:33:38No, of course not.
00:33:39I just want...
00:33:41I want someone who, when I lie down at night, I can feel his soul wrap around me.
00:33:50Oh, is that all?
00:33:51And love, romance, mystery, beauty, joy, kids, wild sex, passion.
00:33:56Look, I want someone that won't run away when I show them the ugly parts of myself,
00:34:01the black parts that even I don't like, but they're a part of me.
00:34:05Like some sort of dark-brooding James Dean kind of character.
00:34:08No, because I want them to love the other side of myself, too.
00:34:13I want them to be able to go anywhere with me.
00:34:16To all the twisted, dark, scary places inside.
00:34:20And to all the loving, kind, caring places.
00:34:23Maybe you're really complex and most guys just aren't.
00:34:27I think everybody's complex inside.
00:34:30I think some people are just better at covering it up.
00:34:34Oh, really?
00:34:35Yeah, I mean, aren't we the most vulnerable when we try and show our true emotions to each other?
00:34:41Isn't that, like, the scariest thing in the world to do?
00:34:45I think it's just easier to live without thinking about these things.
00:34:49Oh, I'm doomed.
00:34:52I'm doomed to being alone.
00:34:54I don't want to pretend I don't have these things inside me for the rest of my life.
00:34:59God, you're not doomed.
00:35:01You don't have to pretend you don't have these things inside of you.
00:35:04Just don't get hung up on them.
00:35:06That's all.
00:35:07Well, that's the same thing.
00:35:09No, it isn't.
00:35:11I want the fairy tale.
00:35:14My God, not only are you doomed, but you're going to burn in the fires of hell for all eternity
00:35:20just for uttering those pathetic words.
00:35:22I have been dead.
00:35:42I have been dead.
00:36:12I have been dead.
00:36:42I got some flowers.
00:36:49From who?
00:36:50I don't know.
00:36:52Ooh, secret admirer.
00:36:54How mysterious and cowardly.
00:36:57You are doomed.
00:36:59And you want to know why?
00:37:00Because these kinds of things never work out.
00:37:02It always ends up being the most horrible geek that ever existed.
00:37:05And they sent a poem.
00:37:08A poet.
00:37:09A romantic super geek.
00:37:11Sounds like you two are made for each other.
00:37:13What's it say?
00:37:15Okay.
00:37:20It says,
00:37:21The lips of the wind kisses us and sighs.
00:37:25Angels pray to dandelions.
00:37:28Small seeds, small seeds with soft wings.
00:37:31Wow.
00:37:33Yeats.
00:37:34Yeah.
00:37:35And the weird thing is, I've been reading Yeats lately.
00:37:38I figure it must mean something.
00:37:41I wonder who it is.
00:37:43I think it's Bob at the bank.
00:37:46Joanna, Bob got married last month in Hawaii to his boyfriend.
00:37:51Oh, well.
00:37:53Oh, it's got to be Frank at the coffee shop.
00:37:56Frank's going out with Alvin the hairdresser.
00:37:59What about Mike?
00:38:00Jouster.
00:38:01Are all the good-looking guys in this town gay?
00:38:05Well, who could it possibly be?
00:38:09Some geek.
00:38:11I don't think so.
00:38:14Well, who?
00:38:16You got me, girl.
00:38:17I didn't think anybody liked you.
00:38:20Oh, thanks a lot.
00:38:22Give me a break.
00:38:23You know as well as I do,
00:38:24half this town's got a crush on you.
00:38:26It could be anybody.
00:38:27Right.
00:38:28It is some geek.
00:38:32See if you can find out who the florist is.
00:38:35Oh, what about Brian Palmer?
00:38:39Brian the mechanic?
00:38:41Yeah.
00:38:42Whenever I see him, he always asks me about you.
00:38:45But he's kind of gross.
00:38:48Hey, beggars can't be choosers.
00:38:50Besides, we already know that it'll be the biggest geek in the world.
00:38:55Right.
00:38:56Well, look.
00:38:56See if you can find out for me.
00:38:57Absolutely.
00:38:59I'll call you.
00:39:00Okay.
00:39:01Oh, and Joanna.
00:39:03Yeah?
00:39:04Maybe it's me.
00:39:06Oh, it has to be you.
00:39:08Why?
00:39:09Because you said it would be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:12I did not.
00:39:12You know what to do with the king?
00:39:13I don't know.
00:39:14I do not know.
00:39:14I don't know.
00:39:15I don't know.
00:39:15I don't know.
00:39:16I don't know.
00:39:17I don't know.
00:39:17I don't know.
00:40:48Good morning, couch.
00:41:00Good morning, bagel.
00:41:02Good morning, bagel?
00:41:03Another bagel left by the angel?
00:41:09An angel bagel?
00:41:12What do you mean?
00:41:13What are you trying to tell me?
00:41:15Are you trying to tell me that she loves me?
00:41:18Oh, don't jump to conclusions, George.
00:41:22Maybe she didn't leave it.
00:41:24Maybe she did.
00:41:26Maybe she loves me.
00:41:28Maybe she just feels sorry for me.
00:41:30Oh, where is it?
00:41:37If I beg, cower, and crawl, will I find my eight ball?
00:41:41Oh, does she love me?
00:41:49Oh, what a beautiful morning.
00:41:55What am I here for?
00:41:57What is my purpose if not to love?
00:42:00If I'm not loving, am I having any purpose at all?
00:42:08Each moment spent in anger is one loss to the dark gods.
00:42:12It's homage to that which I do not want to be.
00:42:16This is not a thought.
00:42:18This is not speech.
00:42:20This is an exorcism for the demons in my soul.
00:42:24This is an incantation for good.
00:42:28Ah.
00:42:31Mmm, lovely bagel.
00:42:38Hey!
00:42:39Didn't I tell you to stay away from here?
00:42:41Can I just finish my bagel and then go?
00:42:43No!
00:42:44I want you out of here now!
00:42:45No, before I call the police!
00:42:46Well, as soon as I'm done with my breakfast, I'll just go on...
00:42:48No!
00:42:49I want you out of here now!
00:42:51Well, I just have a couple more bites.
00:42:53What part of no don't you understand?
00:42:57Well, what part of understanding don't you know?
00:43:04Spons of old.
00:43:06Dead.
00:43:07Fruited.
00:43:08Accomplished by.
00:43:10Redeemed.
00:43:11Death.
00:43:12The mercy.
00:43:13Never alone.
00:43:13Anyway, I miss you guys.
00:43:32I hope everything's okay there, but...
00:43:38I guess I'll just, uh...
00:43:41I guess I'll just see you tomorrow.
00:43:49This is the spirit world speaking.
00:43:51This is how the spirits communicate.
00:43:55Little pieces of paper that blow into your feet.
00:43:59They speak always.
00:44:01Every second of every day.
00:44:05Not with words, but...
00:44:07But signs.
00:44:08Little...
00:44:09Little hints.
00:44:10Directions to taking life.
00:44:12Oh, I remember thinking.
00:44:16I remember thinking of going down to that killer car maker.
00:44:22Getting a shotgun and going down there and getting them back.
00:44:26Getting them all back.
00:44:30Oh, but...
00:44:31I couldn't do it.
00:44:33I was sitting on a park bench, and I...
00:44:36I looked up at the street light, and it winked out.
00:44:40It went black.
00:44:42And I knew...
00:44:43I knew at that moment that that was the way to darkness.
00:44:46And that there had to be some way back to the light.
00:44:50I think we all have that...
00:44:52That place in our hearts.
00:44:55That dark place that we keep a step or a block or...
00:44:58A million miles away from.
00:45:02But that's the place that allows us to feel the...
00:45:05The tragedies that others have suffered.
00:45:09That you all have suffered.
00:45:14Rosetta.
00:45:16When you died, you were only...
00:45:18Twelve years old.
00:45:20And that place, that dark place, that...
00:45:23That's why we...
00:45:24We turn away from it.
00:45:26We ignore it because we're just afraid that the...
00:45:28The pain of others is just going to overwhelm us.
00:45:33We're afraid it's going to open up that...
00:45:34That sad black hole that's inside ourselves.
00:45:41But the bagels...
00:45:43The bagels come anyway.
00:45:47Fearless bagel woman.
00:45:49She's come to terms with her darkness.
00:45:51She knows it.
00:45:52She lives with it.
00:45:53She nurtures it.
00:45:54Her darkness has given her the gift of her overwhelming compassion.
00:46:00And it fuels her inner light.
00:46:04And I know I'm a disgusting wreck of a man.
00:46:07I mean, look at me.
00:46:10I'm a loser in the game of life.
00:46:12I have black, bitter darkness inside of me that will never disappear.
00:46:16That no one can ever make disappear.
00:46:18And yet, I know I'm going to give to her.
00:46:27I'm going to tell her of my love for her.
00:46:29Even though I fear it's going to drive her away, I love her.
00:46:37She loves me.
00:46:47She loves me not.
00:46:50She loves me.
00:46:52She loves me not.
00:46:53She loves me.
00:46:54She loves me.
00:46:55She loves me not.
00:46:56She loves me.
00:46:57She loves me.
00:46:58She loves me.
00:46:59She loves me not.
00:47:00She loves me.
00:47:01She loves me not.
00:47:02She loves me.
00:47:03She loves me not.
00:47:04She loves me.
00:47:05She loves me not.
00:47:06She loves me.
00:47:07She loves me.
00:47:08She loves me.
00:47:09She loves me.
00:47:10She loves me not.
00:47:11She loves me.
00:47:12She loves me.
00:47:13She loves me.
00:47:16She loves me.
00:47:18I knew it. I knew it. She loves me.
00:47:48Hello? Hi, Laurie. It's Joanna. Um, I got another flower.
00:47:57From the coward? How exciting. Look, did you talk to Brian? Is it him?
00:48:03No. Um, he kind of spent the night here last night.
00:48:08Laurie! I'm sorry, hon. I called him to ask him about you, and the next thing I knew...
00:48:13I think he's gross. Anyway, I knew it wasn't him.
00:48:17How? Because this guy is different. No, I mean, it's weird, but when I lie in bed at night
00:48:27and imagine him with me, I can feel him out there thinking about me.
00:48:33You're fantasizing about this man? Are you crazy?
00:48:37Joanna, you don't even know who this guy is. You're just in love with some fantasy Prince Charming.
00:48:43No, it's not Prince Charming. It's more like the lover from the Marguerite Duran novel. And why not?
00:48:53Why not fall for the perfect fantasy?
00:48:55Because when the fantasy becomes reality, somebody's gonna get hurt.
00:49:00I'm not gonna get hurt from a secret admirer. I know how these things always resolve themselves.
00:49:06Besides, I need a little fantasy in my life right now.
00:49:10I mean, this is like the perfect guy. He comes to me at night. We have incredible sex.
00:49:18He leaves in the morning, and he always puts down the toilet seat.
00:49:23Does he leave the used condoms on the bedroom floor?
00:49:26Ooh, I hate that.
00:49:27No, we don't use condoms.
00:49:30No? But what if you get pregnant?
00:49:32I can't. He uses a secret oriental method of lovemaking, which allows him to have an orgasm without ejaculating.
00:49:39Oh, my God.
00:49:41Yes, and he can go on forever. I mean, all night.
00:49:45Is he...
00:49:46Very well, you know.
00:49:49No, what?
00:49:50Come on.
00:49:51You know.
00:49:54What?
00:49:55Mmm.
00:49:56What?
00:49:57Does he have a big dick?
00:49:59Like a Redwood.
00:50:05How am I gonna get rid of Brian?
00:50:07Tell him you don't like his car.
00:50:09I want to get rid of him, not destroy him.
00:50:13Don't you ever get sick of it?
00:50:15What?
00:50:16Running around with all these guys.
00:50:18No.
00:50:19Like Everyone!
00:50:20Who has to beung?
00:50:21He has eaten.
00:50:23Like he is to the person who his prielyziehen would die.
00:50:25It can only start his 다음 window.
00:50:27He doesn't pursue him without taking sins.
00:50:29He went to his new temple.
00:50:30And everything that he was set upon you.
00:50:32Never did he have his turn?
00:50:33And the person who ran him with Gomez.
00:50:34But cannot be his wife.
00:50:35Because he has known him that didn't necessarily follow me.
00:50:37But I am a person in hell.
00:50:38But never may be at your time.
00:50:41Never.
00:50:42Have we done his feathers?
00:50:44Burning around with the water stolen withirsiniz.
00:50:46It's all right, buddy, it's all right, I'm not going to hurt you.
00:51:15You don't need to bark at me for crying out loud, oh boy, I don't know, some people say
00:51:28that God's perfect, is God perfect, I don't know, it just doesn't make any sense, I mean
00:51:38would a perfect God let a two year old child get its legs blown off by a land mine?
00:51:45I read about it in the paper this morning, out of the dumpster, how could you do that,
00:51:49how, what were you thinking, a two year old child for crying out loud, you ought to come
00:51:57down here and let somebody teach you a lesson, sometimes I think you're as bad as I am, it's
00:52:06not my idea of perfection, I mean even I can think of a more perfect world than that, I
00:52:11don't know, maybe you're trying to get by just as good as you can, just like me, maybe
00:52:20you can't stop all the bad in the world from happening, maybe you just try to stop it for
00:52:25the people that are trying to do good, I don't mean good by doing things like worshiping and
00:52:31complaining to you or whining and complaining and I gotta have more than this in my life
00:52:37and I don't have enough of that, me, me, me, me, no I mean good by doing good, maybe we
00:52:44don't have the best God, maybe you're more like a straight person of Gods, maybe you're
00:52:51more like a bum God, a homeless God, where not everything goes quite right for you, miracles
00:53:00go wrong, I don't know, yeah maybe you're not perfect, maybe you make mistakes, maybe I
00:53:09need to forgive you, you imperfect God for the mistakes that you've made, just like I need
00:53:15to forgive myself, just like I need to forgive everyone else for theirs.
00:53:22Hello? Hi Laurie, it's Joanna. I finally got something for my secret admirer. Well I hope it's a name and phone number, or maybe like a picture of a
00:53:52totally nude? No, it's a key. To his apartment? No, a key to a locker in the bus station. Oh my God, how incredibly romantic, exciting, and mysterious. Unless, of course, inside the locker you find the head of his last victim, Laurie. Yeah? Maybe he's like a freak-o serial killer, the flower petal bus locker stalker, who slyly sucks beautiful young women into his soft,
00:54:22sultry web of romantic candy, and then chops and hacks them up for all the mean things his mother did to him.
00:54:28Uh, no, that was your last boyfriend? Oh yeah. So, um, I'm going down to the bus station, do you want to come? No way, what if he's there waiting for you?
00:54:39That's why I want you to come. Well I would, but I'm going to a concert with Brian. Oh, how's that going?
00:54:46Oh, the man has problems. He is a real fixer-upper.
00:54:52And? And nothing. He's a total dick, but I need to get laid.
00:54:56You mean, because he has a dick, you can get laid.
00:55:01Exactly. God, you're such a slut. Hey, what's wrong with that?
00:55:05I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's just the way to be.
00:55:08Listen, I would trade in my night with Brian the Motorhead for your romantic, exciting locker key any day of the week.
00:55:15Really? Honey, I want the real thing. Love, kids, marriage, all that stuff. We all do.
00:55:22Well, it's about time you admitted it to me. Do you know how hard it is to be the last romantic woman in Boulder?
00:55:31Are you really going to fuck Brian? No, but he thinks I am.
00:55:36God, you're so bad. I'll call you later. I got a jet.
00:55:40Okay, bye.
00:55:42I know Jesus. He's a friend of mine. I met him in a pub. It was back when I was drinking heavily.
00:56:00I looked over, and there he was, sitting there right at the bar.
00:56:05He was drinking, too. He had a glass of wine or something.
00:56:09I said, Jesus Christ, man, am I glad to see you!
00:56:14Man, you would not believe what's been going on around here.
00:56:18Last 2,000 years, they've been fighting wars and such.
00:56:22On TV, they steal money from the meek.
00:56:27They've practically screwed up the whole planet.
00:56:30And you know the thing is, I mean, I don't really want to tell you this,
00:56:34but they've been doing it all in your name!
00:56:38I had to tell him, and he just kind of looked at me with these eyes.
00:56:42His eyes were just so full of light and joy.
00:56:45Then I kind of looked at him, and his hair was all tangled up,
00:56:49and he was kind of dirty and skinny-looking.
00:56:51And he looked to me like he'd been living out on the street for, God,
00:56:54all his whole life, probably.
00:56:56And then he says to me,
00:56:58You know, you have no idea what it's like, pal.
00:57:04They are after me every day.
00:57:06They're always on my back.
00:57:08And you know what?
00:57:09Very little of all this impresses me.
00:57:12Very little of it.
00:57:15Then he mumbled something else.
00:57:28I don't quite remember what it was.
00:57:30And then he said something like,
00:57:32Hey, how about slide me a dollar so I can get some food?
00:57:36And then he looked into his glass,
00:57:38and he just kind of stared into it for a while.
00:57:40And I just kind of felt my heart sink.
00:57:44And I looked at him and I said,
00:57:46Can't you just make a miracle or something?
00:57:48Save the world from all these wars and everything?
00:57:52And he looked at me and he goes,
00:57:54Don't look at me, pal.
00:57:56I've done all I can.
00:57:57I've been trying to save the world.
00:57:59But how can I change your heart when it's all balled up like a fist?
00:58:03I can't change your mind no matter how much it's been blessed.
00:58:07Well, I'd been drinking for days and this just kind of pissed me off.
00:58:13So I looked at him and I said,
00:58:15Oh, I see.
00:58:17You're just going to sit there and drinking.
00:58:19Why, we all go straight to hell.
00:58:21You can't tell me that even the Messiah has lost all hope.
00:58:25And then he just kind of twisted his glass.
00:58:33He turned his head ever so slowly.
00:58:37He took a long stare at me.
00:58:41He looked at me with those big round eyes of his.
00:58:45And he says,
00:58:53Look, pal.
00:58:55You can buy me a drink.
00:58:57Or you can leave me alone.
00:58:59The rest is up to you.
00:59:01And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
00:59:05So you like you?
00:59:21All right.
00:59:23Can't you tell me I could spell?
00:59:27Hey Richard, Richard, hey, how's it going, man, how are you doing, good to see you.
00:59:57Hey, listen, I need some advice.
01:00:03On what?
01:00:05Women, what else?
01:00:07Listen, don't ask me, all right, I haven't a clue what women think.
01:00:10Go ask somebody who's married or in a relationship.
01:00:13You've got a relationship.
01:00:15I don't have a relationship, I have a sinking ship.
01:00:18It's close enough, look, I just need some advice on what to do with the woman that's been giving me the bagels, the bagel woman.
01:00:24Well, have you actually spoken with her yet?
01:00:27No, it's worse than that.
01:00:29How much worse?
01:00:31Well, I think I'm in love with her.
01:00:34You think?
01:00:36Okay, I know I'm in love with her.
01:00:38You're in love with her, with her.
01:00:42I love her, I don't know how she feels about me.
01:00:46Well, have you told her?
01:00:46No, I, no, look at me, I'm afraid what she might think.
01:00:51Let me tell you something, okay?
01:00:53You know, one time I asked somebody for some advice and they gave it to me and I took it.
01:00:57Hmm?
01:00:57Fucked my whole life up.
01:00:58Fucked it up, Royal.
01:00:59Okay, well, I give you permission to fuck up my life.
01:01:08Well, years later, alright, I came to realize that they were directing those comments to themselves, okay?
01:01:15It was almost like the advice they were giving me were based on what they would have done in the situation that I was in,
01:01:19which is what I think humans do generally, and they can't help it.
01:01:21So what do you mean, exactly?
01:01:25What do you mean?
01:01:26I, what do I mean?
01:01:27Um, okay, let's say if I were to ask somebody if I should put avocado on my sandwich, right, okay?
01:01:32And they say nix the avocado because they're trying to lose weight.
01:01:35Well, maybe I'm trying to gain weight, okay?
01:01:37So they're giving me advice based on what they would have done instead of what I should have done.
01:01:41Okay.
01:01:42So what happened?
01:01:44Well, I did this thing in that situation, which would have been great had they done it,
01:01:48but for me, it wound up being the worst thing that could have transpired, you know?
01:01:51So as a result of that, I wound up being alone, fucked up relationships,
01:01:56all because I bullshitted when I should have told the truth.
01:01:58What bullshit?
01:02:02You know, well, she was it, George.
01:02:04You know what I'm saying?
01:02:05She was it.
01:02:05All right, and the advice I got was don't tell your lover, man, or you'll scare her off.
01:02:09So I didn't tell her.
01:02:11You know, so she left town and left a note.
01:02:13A note?
01:02:14What'd it say?
01:02:16The note.
01:02:17All right, all right.
01:02:17I got it right here.
01:02:21Wait, that stick of gum, you're gonna...
01:02:23No, I need that.
01:02:27Richard, I'll love you forever, Anita.
01:02:34Got a postcard from her a couple of years ago.
01:02:36She's living in Minneapolis now.
01:02:38Married, got kids, doing really well.
01:02:39I'll tell you, it makes me feel sick even today to think about it, you know?
01:02:44And of course, you know, the guy who gave me the advice?
01:02:47Happily fucking married.
01:02:50Anyway, the point is, okay, is that anytime anybody wants to give you some advice,
01:02:55I mean, I don't care who it is.
01:02:56It could be a doctor or a lawyer or your therapist or your mother.
01:03:00They're really saying it for themselves.
01:03:03Oh, yeah, right.
01:03:04All right?
01:03:07So tell her you love her is my advice to you.
01:03:10But it doesn't apply to you.
01:03:13So don't take it.
01:03:17Right!
01:03:18Got it!
01:03:19Got it.
01:03:24Got it.
01:03:24You're gonna leave, huh?
01:03:26Yeah.
01:03:27Yeah.
01:03:27Yeah.
01:03:28Yeah.
01:03:30Hey, you all right?
01:03:33Yeah.
01:03:34You okay?
01:03:35Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
01:03:40Hey, you know, take a shower, though, before, or whatever you do, you know, just...
01:04:00Love, kindness, joy, bliss, caring, self-assurance.
01:04:08These are the things that I was born with.
01:04:11I don't need to follow some guru or religion in order to find spiritual bliss.
01:04:18These things are inside of me every second of every day.
01:04:22I just happen to be covered up with a layer of crap right at the moment.
01:04:28I just need to stop.
01:04:29I just need to stop and get down under these layers and uncover that hidden self down on
01:04:35the inside.
01:04:36But, yeah, it's just all this crap, all these bad thoughts, these inappropriate actions,
01:04:42these inappropriate thinking patterns.
01:04:46It's not like we were all born perfect, and then we had to go discover a course in miracles
01:04:52or become a Scientologist or spend a hundred years on a mountaintop meditating.
01:05:00No.
01:05:02No.
01:05:04No, no, no.
01:05:06I think we came into this world as far more perfect beings.
01:05:12Yeah.
01:05:15And it's not something that exists out there.
01:05:19I don't have to go somewhere else to go find it.
01:05:21No, it's right here.
01:05:23It's right here inside of me.
01:05:24I just need to get all that crap out.
01:05:27Just pour it out.
01:05:29Just spew it out of my mouth.
01:05:32Just get rid of it until I'm clean on the inside.
01:05:36Just get down to that hidden perfection that's buried deep down inside of me.
01:05:41And let it rise to the surface of my heart and heal myself.
01:05:46That's what I'm going to do.
01:05:49That's what I'm going to do.
01:05:51It's all down deep inside of us now.
01:05:54I can feel it.
01:05:55We're perfect on the inside.
01:05:57I mean, you know that, don't you?
01:05:58I know.
01:05:59Yeah, you know.
01:06:01Everybody knows.
01:06:02This is who I am, my friend.
01:06:22I hope you like me.
01:06:29She's not going to like me.
01:06:30What am I thinking?
01:06:31She's just...
01:06:32I can't do this.
01:06:34This is crazy.
01:06:37Oh, God.
01:06:38If she wouldn't like me.
01:06:41Stick it.
01:06:43Put it over here.
01:06:44She's not going to like me.
01:06:53I can't do this.
01:06:55Hey!
01:06:56What are you doing?
01:06:58Oh, I was just going to put something into your mailbox.
01:07:03You've been leaving me things?
01:07:04Yeah.
01:07:06Yeah.
01:07:06You left me the flowers and the key?
01:07:11Yeah.
01:07:13Oh, my God.
01:07:14What was I thinking?
01:07:16Of course.
01:07:17Of course it would be someone like you.
01:07:19No offense, but you're not exactly someone I can fall in love with, you know.
01:07:23What is wrong with you?
01:07:25What were you thinking?
01:07:27Well, you just left me those bagels.
01:07:30I leave stray dogs biscuits, and I don't expect them to start following me.
01:07:36You can't do this anymore.
01:07:38You have got to leave me alone.
01:07:40I just...
01:07:41I wanted to thank you.
01:07:43Oh, are you crazy?
01:07:45God, my girlfriend said you'd be some kind of psycho.
01:07:48What is wrong with you?
01:07:50You've got bodies in your freezer.
01:07:52I mean, have you ever killed anybody?
01:07:55How did you...
01:07:56No.
01:07:56No.
01:07:57I just love my wife and my child so much.
01:08:01Look.
01:08:03You don't love me.
01:08:04You got that?
01:08:05You don't love me, and I don't love you, and I never will love you.
01:08:11You had better leave, and you had better leave me alone, and you had better not come back here.
01:08:16You got that?
01:08:17I'm going inside, and I'm going to call the police.
01:08:20And if you ever come back here, I'm going to have you arrested.
01:08:24And I'm having a restraining order put on you.
01:08:26So, stay out of my mailbox.
01:08:30And my garbage.
01:08:32You don't understand.
01:08:34I just wanted to thank you for the bagels.
01:08:37I won't come back if you don't want me to.
01:08:41I just talk too much.
01:08:43I just talk too much, that's all.
01:08:44Well, now you know.
01:08:46Now you know I'm a complete and utter bitch, and I hate you.
01:08:50So get the fuck away from me.
01:08:53You disgust me.
01:08:54You disgust me to the very core of my being.
01:08:57You disgust me.
01:09:27You disgust me.
01:09:28You disgust me.
01:09:28You disgust me.
01:09:29You disgust me.
01:09:29You disgust me.
01:09:30You disgust me.
01:09:30You disgust me.
01:09:31You disgust me.
01:09:32You disgust me.
01:09:33You disgust me.
01:09:34You disgust me.
01:09:35You disgust me.
01:09:36You disgust me.
01:09:36You disgust me.
01:09:37You disgust me.
01:09:38You disgust me.
01:09:38You disgust me.
01:09:39You disgust me.
01:09:40You disgust me.
01:09:41You disgust me.
01:09:42You disgust me.
01:09:43You disgust me.
01:09:44You disgust me.
01:09:45You disgust me.
01:09:46You disgust me.
01:09:47You disgust me.
01:09:48You disgust me.
01:09:49You disgust me.
01:09:50You disgust me.
01:09:51You disgust me.
01:09:52You disgust me.
01:09:53Oh man, I don't know any more.
01:09:55I don't know any more.
01:09:58I don't know any more.
01:10:00It's meant to be this way.
01:10:01It's meant to be this way.
01:10:04I didn't want it to be this way.
01:10:09It's really hopeless at home.
01:10:12Oh?
01:10:16Is there hope?
01:10:23Very doubtful.
01:10:28Is there love?
01:10:30Goodness?
01:10:32Kindness?
01:10:38Oh, that looked not so good.
01:10:42But I believed in these things.
01:10:44I know they exist. I know they do.
01:10:48For some.
01:10:50For the lucky ones.
01:10:55But not for me!
01:10:59It can only exist for those who still believe.
01:11:03To reach out. Have some. Grab your pitiful hand.
01:11:09I thought that love would come. I thought that I would find it again.
01:11:12I thought that I felt it.
01:11:14No, I only felt the hope of it. The longing of it.
01:11:18I thought that something or somebody was watching over me.
01:11:23And now I know that there is.
01:11:26But not something benevolent and kind.
01:11:28Not something wonderful and caring.
01:11:30But something malevolent and vindictive.
01:11:32Something sour and cold.
01:11:34Back when I have love and a child.
01:11:37Back before I killed them and let myself be washed over by the flames of hell.
01:11:42Then I thought I was dead.
01:11:45But I had not died.
01:11:47But I was dead.
01:11:49And only I could will myself back to life.
01:11:52The flames which I alone allowed to consume and torture me.
01:11:56But I could not forgive good or God or good spirits or the Tao or karma or Buddha or Yahweh or Mary or whoever it is that you pray to.
01:12:09For all the good it had given me, I could not forgive it for taking away so much in such a cruel and senseless manner.
01:12:20Was it just me and an evil act of evil self intent?
01:12:24What possessed me?
01:12:25How can I forgive myself and God for allowing it?
01:12:30Yes, I do.
01:12:31I do forgive him in my thoughts.
01:12:34But when?
01:12:35When will this sink down in the very depths of my soul and stay there nurturing me and become a part of me?
01:12:43Why is it so easy to forgive in the brain and the mind and the intellect?
01:12:50To forgive in the heart where the darkness dwell with their sticks and their jabbing knives tearing me apart?
01:13:01I have every right to be angry!
01:13:05I have every right to be angry!
01:13:09I have every right to be angry!
01:13:16Do I...
01:13:18Do I want to be?
01:13:39Do I want to forgive you?
01:13:40Do I want to forgive you...
01:13:41Do I want to forgive you?
01:13:45Do I want to forgive you?
01:13:46Your friends will surely be.
01:13:48Do I want to forgive you?
01:13:49Idiot and reject any time in your life.
01:13:51Block you don't台 right now.
01:13:52Do I want...
01:13:53coding makes up our mind!
01:13:55Do I need to forgive you?
01:13:57TO I want to forgive you...
01:14:02Unh...
01:14:04Finally...
01:14:07Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:14:37Oh, oh, oh, pure space, pure space, pure space.
01:15:06I was driving home one night with my family, and I swerved to avoid hitting a dog, and
01:15:15it rolled over, and I killed them.
01:15:20I killed my family.
01:15:22Mighty I am, mighty in dwelling God.
01:15:30Mighty I am, mighty in dwelling God.
01:15:40Mighty I am, mighty in dwelling God.
01:15:49Mighty I am, mighty in dwelling God.
01:15:57Mighty I am, mighty in dwelling God.
01:16:03Mighty I am sorry.
01:16:04I just, I wanted to apologize for the other day.
01:16:09I'm sorry.
01:16:11So, I'm, I'm not gonna yell at you anymore.
01:16:21Oh, um, do you need to be alone?
01:16:26I can go.
01:16:27No, no, uh, that's okay.
01:16:29I, I, I wanted you to meet my wife and, and, and child.
01:16:35Well, they wanted to meet you.
01:16:37I guess you think it's pretty weird me introducing you to my wife and child that are dead out in
01:16:46the middle of a graveyard.
01:16:48I, I, I just wanted their approval for what I, I guess I don't really know.
01:16:57I must just be crazy.
01:17:00It's.
01:17:01No.
01:17:02No.
01:17:03You're not crazy.
01:17:05I'm not?
01:17:09No.
01:17:11You, you just need to be loved.
01:17:17Um, so do I.
01:17:22Uh, I, I don't know what to say.
01:17:30Um, well, you look really nice.
01:17:38Um, why don't we go get a bagel?
01:17:43Do you, do you want to get a bagel?
01:17:45Come on.
01:17:46My treat.
01:17:47Let's go.
01:17:48It's really peaceful here, huh?
01:17:49I mean, look at all these sleeping bodies.
01:17:50I wonder if they're having pleasant dreams.
01:17:51I bet they are.
01:17:52How could you look at you in a place like this?
01:17:53I hope that I, uh, I hope you see you soon.
01:17:54Ever.
01:17:55Ever.
01:17:56Ever.
01:17:57If you see me walking, I am heading home.
01:17:58Oh, yes.
01:17:59What about you walking on here?
01:18:00I bet some of them.
01:18:01Cool.
01:18:02Oh, yeah.
01:18:03What about you walking on here?
01:18:04I bet some of them.
01:18:05Cool.
01:18:06I bet some of them.
01:18:07I bet some of them.
01:18:08Cool.
01:18:09I bet some of them.
01:18:10Oh, yeah.
01:18:11How could you see me walking?
01:18:12Oh, yes.
01:18:13Oh, yes.
01:18:14I bet some of them.
01:18:15How could you see me walking on here?
01:18:16I bet some of them.
01:18:17Cool.
01:18:18I bet so.
01:18:48We are found where all life springs, hold it close as we soar on our ancient wings, turn this bird around, we're going home.
01:19:05Now that we are found, we're going home.
01:19:18Happy child in the eyes that know all things, take a walk in a world where freedom rings.
01:19:34Plant a seed in the mind that thinking brings, hold you close as we fly on our silver strings, hear that inner sound we're going home.
01:19:53Blue and green and ground going home.
01:20:02Make a sound in the land where no one sings, plant a seed in the ground where all life springs.
01:20:07Make a sound in the land where no one sings, plant a seed in the ground where all life springs.
01:20:23Rock a child in the arms that love it brings.
01:20:29Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings.
01:20:35Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings.
01:20:41Hold you close as we soar on our glide on our ancient wings.
01:20:54Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings.
01:20:56Turn this bird around, we're going home.
01:21:00Turn this bird around, we're going home.
01:21:14Turn this bird around, we're going home.
01:21:34Turn this bird around, we're going home.
01:21:40Turn this bird around, we're going home.
01:21:52Turn this bird around, we're going home.
01:22:02You
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