- 2 days ago
Breakup HD ( Comedy , Romance )
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00When I was a kid, all I wanted was to grow up.
00:00:24Once I did, all I wanted was to be a kid again.
00:00:28I thought love could make that happen.
00:00:31I was sure falling in love meant you never had to grow up.
00:00:58Every story has a beginning.
00:01:10I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
00:01:18And today is the best day of my life.
00:01:21And this isn't it.
00:01:24This is near the end. Go back.
00:01:30Keep going back. Further, further.
00:01:33Nope. Gotta keep moving.
00:01:45That's cute, but we're not there yet.
00:01:47Back further.
00:01:47Just a little bit more.
00:01:59Okay, that's good. This is it.
00:02:01This is where our story begins.
00:02:04Another day, it's just begun.
00:02:06You were shining like a sign.
00:02:08You're beautiful.
00:02:09Yes, you're beautiful.
00:02:11Oh, everyone can see you go.
00:02:14Now it's time for you to know you're beautiful.
00:02:17Yes, you're beautiful.
00:02:19Hey, sis.
00:02:22Are you bringing a guy to watch the fireworks?
00:02:24Why does everyone think I need a man to complete my life?
00:02:27Because we can all tell how miserable you are.
00:02:30I'm not miserable.
00:02:31I'm totally fine.
00:02:33Deliriously happy.
00:02:34What about after Sergio?
00:02:36And the tent of doom and despair.
00:02:41Chloe.
00:02:44It's been two weeks.
00:02:46Just leave me what I need.
00:02:48And I'll come out soon.
00:02:50I promise.
00:02:51I think, I don't know.
00:02:55It's time to get my out of the tent.
00:02:57Yeah, I'll come out.
00:02:59As soon as I pry the spoon out of my cold, dead fingers.
00:03:06I gotta go.
00:03:07I'm driving.
00:03:08So...
00:03:09I want you to know.
00:03:10I'm beautiful.
00:03:11You are beautiful.
00:03:11You are beautiful.
00:03:12You are beautiful...
00:03:14I'm beautiful.
00:03:16Shit!
00:03:32Hi.
00:03:33Beautiful day, isn't it?
00:03:34Listen, I just have one teensy little thing to ask you.
00:03:37Uh, what were you thinking?
00:03:39Just stopping like that in the middle of the street.
00:03:41Oh, I'm sorry.
00:03:42I was distracted by that, uh, octagonal sign there.
00:03:45The red one that says stop.
00:03:48By the way, I'm fine. Thanks for asking.
00:03:50Hello. This is L.A.
00:03:52We don't stop, we pause, linger briefly,
00:03:55and then we keep going.
00:03:58You're not from around here, are you?
00:03:59No. I just relocated from O.C.
00:04:02Listen, I really am sorry for hitting your car.
00:04:07I'm easily distracted.
00:04:09But I'm trying to change,
00:04:11so if there's any damage to your car at all, really,
00:04:16um, this should cover it.
00:04:19I want you to have Babalu.
00:04:21Oh, wow. Babalu?
00:04:25I'm honored.
00:04:27I'm, uh, glad you rear-ended me.
00:04:31Perhaps I could, uh, back up and ram you again?
00:04:38Um, well, uh, here's my card.
00:04:44So official.
00:04:45Jeff.
00:04:46Cool. It's trustworthy.
00:04:48I should probably get your number.
00:04:50Give me your hand.
00:04:51Suddenly I'm back in middle school.
00:04:53Oh, wouldn't that be so cool?
00:04:54Oh, yeah, awesome.
00:04:55The mocking wedgies constantly feeling inferior.
00:04:58Chloe.
00:05:00It's a great name.
00:05:04I think I like you.
00:05:06You're just...
00:05:07Okay.
00:05:08Um, all right.
00:05:09Well...
00:05:15One question, trustworthy Jeff?
00:05:17Yeah.
00:05:18Do you have plans to watch the fireworks later?
00:05:21No.
00:05:28I have to admit we create our own realities.
00:05:30Counterintuitive bullshit psychobabble.
00:05:32Now there's a whole generation that's been brainwashed into believing that they can chant or mystically conjure their concrete goals into existence on their secret wish boards.
00:05:41No wonder the country's falling apart.
00:05:42Honey, please stop talking.
00:05:43You're giving me a headache.
00:05:44Hi, Dad.
00:05:45Mom.
00:05:46Hi, sweetie.
00:05:47Hi, honey.
00:05:48Yeah.
00:05:49This is Jeff.
00:05:50Hi.
00:05:51Nice to meet you, sir.
00:05:52He, uh, just escaped from Orange County.
00:05:54Well, I didn't know you were bringing someone.
00:05:56How'd you manage to find such a handsome young man?
00:05:58I drugged him.
00:05:59And then I beat him hard into submission.
00:06:01Mom, you gotta stop pumping me with your confidence.
00:06:04She rear-ended me.
00:06:05TMI, son.
00:06:06What Chloe does in her spare time is her business.
00:06:09Mom, what is this?
00:06:10Oh, isn't this fabulous?
00:06:11I'm gonna put the jacuzzi here, the yoga temple over there, and if I have my way, a dance studio.
00:06:16Where's my room?
00:06:17Uh, honey, we're remodeling.
00:06:19Your room's being repurposed.
00:06:21My childhood is being repurposed?
00:06:23Oh, don't make such a big deal out of this, Chloe.
00:06:25We just moved a few rooms around.
00:06:26It's nothing.
00:06:27So, Jeff.
00:06:28O.C.
00:06:29What's that like?
00:06:30Horrible?
00:06:31Oh, hey.
00:06:32This is my sister, Mandy.
00:06:34Hi.
00:06:35I've been married ten years to Randy.
00:06:36Mandy, this is Jeff.
00:06:38Hi.
00:06:39Nice to meet you.
00:06:40Hi.
00:06:41Nice to meet you.
00:06:42Hey, I'm Randy.
00:06:43Name's Ryan.
00:06:44Sweetheart, can you please go check on the baby clock?
00:06:46You got it.
00:06:48Be right back.
00:06:50Page 10.
00:06:52Thank you for listening.
00:06:54It's time for me to be here.
00:06:56I'm ready.
00:06:57It's time for your life and things.
00:07:00And it's time for the night to be here.
00:07:02I'm ready to try.
00:07:05So great to be here.
00:07:07It isn't usually good enough for you to join me.
00:07:08I'm ready to go.
00:07:09We're ready to go.
00:07:10I need your help tonight
00:07:13I gotta haunt you
00:07:17Look where you're headed
00:07:19You live here?
00:07:24In the back, there's a guest house.
00:07:27What are you doing?
00:07:28Why, you're stopping the car, that's...
00:07:30Are you gonna try to make a move?
00:07:31Is that what's happening?
00:07:33Okay.
00:07:35Sorry.
00:07:35No.
00:07:36God, could we just do it already?
00:07:40My lips are getting nervous.
00:07:55I should go.
00:07:59No, wait.
00:08:01It's your eyes.
00:08:02But I love your eyes.
00:08:08I mean, the rest of you is great, too, but...
00:08:13I love your eyes.
00:08:16I'm gonna go.
00:08:19That's weird.
00:08:22My, um...
00:08:22My mind is not correlating with my body.
00:08:26I'm trying to move and I'm not able to.
00:08:28Ready, set, one, two, three...
00:08:30That's just as it.
00:08:39I'm going.
00:08:40Okay, yeah.
00:08:41I'll walk you.
00:08:47Can I see you again?
00:08:50I need to think about it.
00:08:52Okay?
00:08:52Yeah, okay.
00:08:53I mean, we're adults.
00:08:55We're not crazy teenagers.
00:08:58Right.
00:08:58Take all the time you need.
00:09:20Hi.
00:09:21Hey.
00:09:22Hi.
00:09:22Call me.
00:09:23I don't know why I'm here.
00:09:25What are you doing?
00:09:25I don't know.
00:09:26I feel like I have to be here.
00:09:28I don't...
00:09:28I don't...
00:09:28I forgot to give you my insurance card.
00:09:31Oh.
00:09:32Um, so I...
00:09:33I thought, uh...
00:09:34Yeah.
00:09:34I think you should have it.
00:09:35Yeah.
00:09:35It's okay.
00:09:37Come here.
00:09:38Oh, my God.
00:09:38I didn't want to leave you.
00:09:40I feel so crazy.
00:09:42No, you're not crazy.
00:09:44I'm not crazy.
00:09:45I wanted you...
00:09:46I wanted to still hang out
00:09:49and then it just...
00:09:50We just met.
00:09:51Yeah.
00:09:52It's okay.
00:09:52Hey, but there's no hurry.
00:09:54What?
00:09:55No hurry?
00:09:56Why...
00:09:56Then why am I...
00:09:57Why...
00:09:57I thought we were on the same level page
00:10:00of, um, this heat burning desire,
00:10:02but that's clearly wrong,
00:10:03so I'll just go.
00:10:11No.
00:10:12What?
00:10:12No naked.
00:10:14Sex on the first day
00:10:15would put me in the ho-zone,
00:10:17and we can't have that.
00:10:18We have to wait.
00:10:19Okay.
00:10:21Right.
00:10:22Gotcha.
00:10:23We, uh, need a ho-zone defense.
00:10:26How long?
00:10:27Last time I checked,
00:10:28a day was 24 hours.
00:10:31We might want to get comfortable.
00:10:43How long's it been?
00:10:45Three minutes.
00:10:46Wait, this is...
00:10:51I know.
00:10:51It's crazy and impulsive,
00:10:53and it's so not like me.
00:10:55I mean, I'm not some prude,
00:10:56but I don't want to get hurt.
00:10:58I don't want to hurt you.
00:11:01That's what Sergio said.
00:11:03Sergio.
00:11:03Sergio.
00:11:05He wrote me the most beautiful poems.
00:11:07Sergio who wrote you poems?
00:11:10We talked about kids,
00:11:11marriage, everything.
00:11:15And then I found him in bed
00:11:16with my best friends.
00:11:18Wait, friends?
00:11:19Plural?
00:11:20Yeah.
00:11:21Danny and Sharon,
00:11:22my best friends.
00:11:23That's horrible.
00:11:25Did you take any pictures?
00:11:26No.
00:11:27I'm not an idiot.
00:11:29I took a video.
00:11:31Really?
00:11:32No.
00:11:33Sicko.
00:11:34What about you?
00:11:35My life hasn't been
00:11:38all that interesting.
00:11:42Until you.
00:11:54We're all traveling
00:11:56down this lonely road
00:11:58We're all tumbling
00:12:01in the tide
00:12:03But I am here
00:12:06to simply let you know
00:12:09I'll be right by your side
00:12:14Oh no, the wind!
00:12:18Oh no!
00:12:20The wind!
00:12:21The wind!
00:12:22The wind whispers
00:12:23in the night
00:12:24Whatever lies
00:12:28on this old winding road
00:12:30I'll be right
00:12:33Do you know where we are?
00:12:39Is that a trick question?
00:12:41No, I'm being serious.
00:12:44This place
00:12:45where we're at right now
00:12:46this is us
00:12:49This is our place
00:12:51Okay?
00:12:52Okay?
00:12:52Okay.
00:12:57So, I wish I could write you a poem
00:12:59But I can't
00:13:01So, how about a toast?
00:13:03To us
00:13:04A new place
00:13:05And to finding an apartment
00:13:06Cheers
00:13:07Cheers
00:13:08I'll be right back
00:13:22Oh, oh, oh, oh
00:13:24Don't have to face this world alone
00:13:28Oh, oh, oh
00:13:29I'll be the place
00:13:32I'll be the place
00:13:32That you're gonna go
00:13:33I'm gonna dance
00:13:34I'm gonna bounce
00:13:35And then I'm gonna moonwalk
00:13:36Yeah!
00:13:37Have you always been like this?
00:13:39Always up?
00:13:40Yeah
00:13:40Yeah?
00:13:41Because of my dad
00:13:42One time I got made fun of
00:13:44in middle school
00:13:45These girls threw lollipops in my hair
00:13:46and called me ugly
00:13:47and I came home crying
00:13:48and my dad grabbed me
00:13:51and he said to me
00:13:52No matter what anyone says or does
00:13:55you're the luckiest girl in the world
00:13:57and today is the best day of your life
00:14:00and it kind of stuck
00:14:02Oh
00:14:07I love you so much
00:14:08Thank you
00:14:09I love you too very much
00:14:11Give me a hug
00:14:12Look how cute they are
00:14:14Aw
00:14:14Eight cantaloupes
00:14:16Are you trying to tell me about my melons?
00:14:18God damn it
00:14:19There's one thing I know
00:14:20It's my melons
00:14:21You love cantaloupes
00:14:22What's wrong with you?
00:14:24That's it
00:14:25I've had it
00:14:26No more
00:14:26The heck with you
00:14:28Let's pretend we're an old couple
00:14:30I'm Florence and you're Elmer
00:14:33Make a love to me, Flo
00:14:35I can't
00:14:36My hip
00:14:38It's my hip
00:14:40It's okay
00:14:40It's keeping me from dancing
00:14:42and making love
00:14:43We don't need your hip
00:14:44Okay
00:14:45Okay
00:14:45You can do it anyway
00:14:46Come here
00:14:47Come here
00:14:48Ready, Dad?
00:14:55Yeah, I'm ready
00:14:55I'm ready
00:14:56You awake?
00:14:57I'm fine
00:14:57You just served the damn thing
00:14:58All right
00:14:58Point serving two
00:14:59Game point
00:15:00I got it
00:15:01I got it
00:15:02All right
00:15:04We won
00:15:06You guys and I
00:15:07This is so fun
00:15:08Yeah
00:15:08Yeah
00:15:09Good job
00:15:10The object so you know
00:15:11Is to score more points
00:15:13From the other team
00:15:14And then win
00:15:14What?
00:15:15Such an idiot
00:15:17I thought the point was to have fun
00:15:19So stupid
00:15:22Oh my god, are you okay?
00:15:27You've been shot
00:15:28I'm dead
00:15:28Did I do something?
00:15:33I feel like your dad doesn't like me
00:15:34No
00:15:35No
00:15:35He just is super competitive
00:15:37Oh, Jeffy, come here
00:15:41Hi, honey
00:15:42Hi, Nana
00:15:43Hi
00:15:43It's good to see you
00:15:45Oh, it is so good to see you
00:15:46So happy
00:15:47Thanks
00:15:48Well, she is adorable
00:15:49We were just talking
00:15:50How much we love her
00:15:52Where did you meet her?
00:15:53Uh, she just followed me home
00:15:55Latched out of my bumper
00:15:56I drove her for miles
00:15:57Oh, you're kidding
00:15:58Like a little puppy dog
00:16:00Looking for a place to go
00:16:01And a place to bury her soul
00:16:03And there's my Jeffy
00:16:05Right into his arms
00:16:07She is a keeper
00:16:08I think so, too
00:16:11Oh, so is he
00:16:12Oh, that's cute
00:16:16Yeah, that one is cute
00:16:17I could bring my bunnies
00:16:18Pets allowed?
00:16:20Uh, it's on Pico
00:16:21Never mind
00:16:22Waking up next to you
00:16:26Every morning
00:16:27Is gonna be so
00:16:28Weird
00:16:32Isn't it?
00:16:36No
00:16:36Like weird in a good way
00:16:38Like weird in a good way
00:16:39Like a brave new adventure weird
00:16:42But exciting
00:16:44Sweetheart, you are
00:16:47You are ready to move in together
00:16:48Aren't you?
00:16:49Yes
00:16:49Amazingly handsome man
00:16:51I'm ready
00:16:54Jeffy
00:16:55Oh
00:16:57Your father wants a word with you
00:17:02In the yurt
00:17:04Is it really so difficult to find a girl who isn't mentally unstable?
00:17:13I mean, she's not right for you
00:17:14I don't know what she's right for except maybe clown school
00:17:17She's frivolous
00:17:18You two are dramatically different
00:17:20Opposites attract, Dad
00:17:22Birds of a feather stick together
00:17:24You mark my words, she is entirely wrong for you
00:17:27What if she's the one, Dad?
00:17:29What if I marry this girl?
00:17:31Do you want to be responsible for tainting our relationship?
00:17:33Is that what you want?
00:17:34What I want is for you to be realistic
00:17:36Be serious
00:17:37The only way this could work
00:17:39Is if she grows up
00:17:40And you gotta ask yourself
00:17:42Is that ever gonna happen?
00:17:43She is talking to a straw rabbit
00:17:45You had a fly on your eye
00:17:47I got your back
00:17:49Listen
00:17:50I'm maybe not ready for this whole nesting thing
00:17:54Yeah
00:17:55I knew you'd see my side of it
00:17:58What is this?
00:18:10I want one
00:18:11That is a Maxi Plunge Super Plunger
00:18:14It's done called Pipes
00:18:16Oh, I'm not gonna need no brand muffins with this puppy in the half
00:18:20Yeah, I hope not
00:18:21Tell me the truth
00:18:22Does this Maxi Plunge Super Plunger turn you on the way it does me?
00:18:25I'll thumb wrestle you for it
00:18:28Why aren't you playing?
00:18:30Could you do something for me?
00:18:32Mm-hmm
00:18:32Can you do something?
00:18:35Can you be completely serious for me for one minute?
00:18:39This sounds like a test
00:18:40I don't like tests
00:18:40Well, life is full of tests
00:18:41Only for those who choose to take them
00:18:43Hey, I'm serious
00:18:44Yeah, maybe if it'll unclog your pipes
00:18:48Hey, please, for me
00:18:49Just for one minute
00:18:50All right
00:18:51Okay
00:18:52When do I start?
00:18:53Put me in, coach
00:18:54When I tell you
00:18:55Okay, but first, ground rules
00:18:56Okay
00:18:56There's no smiling
00:18:58No snickering
00:18:59No mocking
00:18:59And no silly faces
00:19:01Got it?
00:19:02Okay, sounds like serious shit
00:19:04Starting now
00:19:05You're skating on thin ice
00:19:09No smiling
00:19:09Ten
00:19:15Ten
00:19:15Nine
00:19:16Eight
00:19:18Seven
00:19:19Six
00:19:20Five
00:19:21Baby, I'm sorry
00:19:24Hey
00:19:25Chloe, I'm sorry
00:19:27Hey
00:19:28Just hit your face
00:19:30Okay
00:19:33All right, yeah, thanks
00:19:34Thanks a lot
00:19:35Baby, come on
00:19:36Why is it so hard for you to be serious?
00:19:37Because you're serious enough for the both of us
00:19:40Now let mommy unclog you
00:19:42I'm scared
00:19:42Ah, look what I got
00:19:48Hmm?
00:19:50Pretty cool, huh?
00:19:52What do you think?
00:19:53What's wrong?
00:19:55Do you like it?
00:19:55Nothing
00:19:56Nothing
00:19:56It's just kind of freaky
00:19:57That all of a sudden
00:19:58We're buying home furnishings with each other
00:19:59Forget it
00:20:01You know what?
00:20:01The lamp
00:20:02It sucks
00:20:04I don't want it
00:20:05No, no
00:20:05I love it
00:20:06It's beautiful
00:20:07Just forget it
00:20:08Before it was just a lamp
00:20:09But now it's the
00:20:10We're moving too fast
00:20:11Lamp
00:20:12This was it
00:20:14I was going to move in with Jeff
00:20:16I was going to cohabitate
00:20:18Maybe it was happening
00:20:19Maybe I was starting to grow up
00:20:21This is so exciting
00:20:29I had no idea Chloe was a singer
00:20:31And a musician
00:20:32Oh, she's not really
00:20:33It's a rather unfortunate phase
00:20:35Oh, well
00:20:36She's very talented
00:20:37She just needs a little support
00:20:40I support her
00:20:42Oh my God
00:20:43He invited his parents?
00:20:45You can do this
00:20:46You know, you should really reconsider this whole thing
00:20:48I mean, she is talented
00:20:49The music business is just brutal
00:20:51Dad, can you just listen
00:20:53And not be judgmental, please?
00:20:55Thanks
00:20:55You can do this
00:21:00I can't do this, I'm sorry
00:21:08Oh, poor thing
00:21:10Hey, it's okay
00:21:16It's all right
00:21:17I'm sorry
00:21:18I should have told you
00:21:20I invited my parents
00:21:21It's okay
00:21:21I'm just stressed out
00:21:22Have a seat, son
00:21:30That, uh
00:21:35Mowbray report
00:21:37Was missing a construction estimate
00:21:38Where's your flag pin?
00:21:42I don't know
00:21:43Look
00:21:45If you want to be a winner
00:21:47You've got to behave like a winner
00:21:48And surround yourself with winners
00:21:50Do you understand what I'm saying?
00:21:52Yeah
00:21:52God
00:21:56What is this?
00:21:59This is disgusting
00:22:00This is the best thing I've ever seen
00:22:03It's like grass
00:22:05We can make carpet angels
00:22:07Let's dance
00:22:09Let's pretend we're at a disco
00:22:12And you're like hitting on me with your dance moves
00:22:14And I'm like dancing in the corner
00:22:16And, uh
00:22:17Why aren't you dancing?
00:22:19I don't look stupid
00:22:20That's half the fun
00:22:21Oh, I could put my guitar here
00:22:25And then a pinball machine right around here
00:22:28And then, you know, a Congo set could go here
00:22:31And then we could get a horse
00:22:32We could totally get a horse
00:22:33And it would fit
00:22:33This is amazing
00:22:35Um, babe
00:22:36I was thinking
00:22:36Maybe this could be a shared office
00:22:39And not exclusively your She-Man cave barn
00:22:42But, Deary, why would you want another office?
00:22:45You already have one
00:22:45You want one in your home?
00:22:47That's kind of sad and depressing
00:22:48No, well, I'm going to put in a lot of hours
00:22:50And probably work from home, too
00:22:51If we, you know, I mean
00:22:53You know, if I want to buy a house
00:22:55A house?
00:22:55Yeah
00:22:56You know, when you grow up
00:22:57You work and you save
00:22:58And you buy a house
00:22:59Oh, man
00:22:59Oh, my heart
00:23:00Oh, gee
00:23:01Yep
00:23:02Okay, call 911
00:23:04Yeah, I called them
00:23:05Claire
00:23:05They're on their way
00:23:06You know what?
00:23:07Um, forget it
00:23:09Wait
00:23:10Come here
00:23:11Come here
00:23:14Okay
00:23:18Tell me a secret
00:23:20Tell me something
00:23:23I don't have any secret
00:23:24You're crazy
00:23:24Just tell me a secret
00:23:26Something you've never told anybody before
00:23:29Okay
00:23:30We all have secrets
00:23:31What's yours?
00:23:33I don't know
00:23:37I don't know
00:23:38Please, for me
00:23:40Okay
00:23:42I...
00:23:44Ginny?
00:23:53I really don't have any
00:23:59I don't know
00:24:00I can't think of any
00:24:01I'm sorry
00:24:01Okay
00:24:01No, it's okay
00:24:02No worries
00:24:03Fine
00:24:04Ow
00:24:05Oh, you hold this for a second
00:24:10Will you?
00:24:11Yeah
00:24:11Oh, stop
00:24:14Oh, shoot
00:24:15Sorry
00:24:16Oh, my God
00:24:17That's all right
00:24:17Holy sign
00:24:22That's fine
00:24:23We still going to the Halloween party?
00:24:27Yeah
00:24:27Why wouldn't we?
00:24:29I mean, I know you're not crazy about costumes
00:24:31Not everybody likes to pretend to be something they're not
00:24:33But it's fun
00:24:34It's fun to pretend
00:24:35Yeah, okay
00:24:36Well, just
00:24:37Ever since we're moving in together
00:24:38You've been acting like some panicking animal
00:24:40Desperate for escape
00:24:41So I just thought
00:24:41Maybe you don't want to do this
00:24:42The lamp is not you
00:24:43It's not us
00:24:44We're fine
00:24:45We're totally fine
00:24:46We're just as much in love now
00:24:48As we were when we first met
00:24:49I like the fireworks
00:24:51Everything is fine
00:24:54I promise
00:24:56I promise
00:24:57Hey
00:25:08You got great form
00:25:23Oh, thank you
00:25:24I see real power in your legs
00:25:26Yeah
00:25:27Yeah, so I teach you a pottery class on Wednesday nights
00:25:30Off the Chiclet Road
00:25:31And of course I wouldn't charge you
00:25:33Oh, that's so nice
00:25:34But if you wanted to maybe trade, you know, like
00:25:36Workout tips for your legs
00:25:38For, you know, pottery
00:25:40I could really teach you how to form the pot
00:25:42Okay
00:25:43Okay, great
00:25:43Um, do you have a car
00:25:45Every single breath we take is a gift
00:25:53You seem so peaceful
00:25:54I am
00:25:55I'm exceedingly content
00:25:57How are you so happy?
00:25:59Why would I choose to be any other way?
00:26:01Choose?
00:26:03That's so cool
00:26:04It's nice to meet you
00:26:06Ever since you've been with this girl
00:26:10Your work has slacked off
00:26:11I need that analysis retooled
00:26:13Dad, I can't, all right?
00:26:15I have a party tonight
00:26:16I promise
00:26:16You're not hearing me, all right?
00:26:18Play to win or go home
00:26:20Now step it up
00:26:21In here
00:26:22Last flag pin
00:26:25Try not to lose it
00:26:27Trick or treat, trick or treat
00:26:38Feeling kind of creepy
00:26:40No, we're never gonna sleep
00:26:42Till we make them all scream
00:26:44Hit the lights, hit the lights
00:26:46See them look in their eyes
00:26:48Gonna give them all a fight
00:26:49Counting down in the night
00:26:51You know where I'll get you
00:26:54No telling what you're gonna do
00:26:55Getting wild under the foam hill
00:26:57Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:26:59Won't be worse than a nightmare
00:27:01Even the monster's scared
00:27:03You can roll with us if you dare
00:27:06We go live, live, live, live
00:27:08Hey
00:27:09Sorry, I'm ridiculously late
00:27:13A baby seal clubbing itself?
00:27:15If I tell you this time
00:27:16Your costume is incredibly distasteful
00:27:19He promised you'd wear a costume
00:27:20Babe, this is my costume, all right?
00:27:23I'm a businessman
00:27:24I'm not just any businessman, my love
00:27:25But a Republican
00:27:27You know what the flag pin?
00:27:28Your costume is so stupid
00:27:29No one's even gonna know
00:27:31What you're supposed to be
00:27:32Hey, guys
00:27:33Nice costume
00:27:33Thanks for making it
00:27:35Baby seal
00:27:35And the...
00:27:37Oh my God
00:27:39Oh my...
00:27:40You're a Republican business man
00:27:42You're so good
00:27:44You're really good
00:27:45Oh, man
00:27:46Sharp, you look handsome
00:27:47Yeah
00:27:48Really
00:27:48Congratulations, too, on shacking up
00:27:51I'm so excited for you guys
00:27:53Yeah
00:27:53I finished my MBA recently
00:27:55So I feel like we're probably gonna follow suit
00:27:59She's awesome, isn't she?
00:28:01Right?
00:28:01I'm so excited about it
00:28:03Thanks for being so inspiring
00:28:05We're gonna grab a drink
00:28:06Did you, uh, check out the apartment on 17th?
00:28:11Not yet
00:28:12Why are you stalling?
00:28:13Okay, listen
00:28:15I don't...
00:28:16When people move in together
00:28:19They become all serious
00:28:20And I don't want to become serious
00:28:21I don't want to start wearing mom jeans
00:28:22And bird sweaters
00:28:23You know what your problem is?
00:28:25Is you think everything in life
00:28:26Is some kind of giddy joke
00:28:28Some carnival ride
00:28:29You know, it would've been sweet
00:28:30If you could've at least worn a costume
00:28:32Like something funny
00:28:33Fun
00:28:34You remember fun, right?
00:28:36Look, I had a bad day
00:28:37Okay?
00:28:39This is all about you
00:28:40So I see your point
00:28:41Wow
00:28:41Wow
00:28:42Listen to Mr. Snarky
00:28:44At first it's all lovey-dovey
00:28:46And then all those
00:28:47Little adorable quirks
00:28:48Turn into annoying habits
00:28:49Which of my adorable quirks
00:28:52Do you find annoying, princess?
00:28:54Nothing
00:28:54Come on
00:28:55Let's dance, Elmer
00:28:56No, go ahead
00:28:57Careful with your hip, Flo
00:29:00Hey, cool costume
00:29:06Love it
00:29:07Raise the roof
00:29:15Raise the roof
00:29:15Good
00:29:17Who do you know here?
00:29:21Oh
00:29:22Kelly
00:29:24I'm gonna need a drink
00:29:25Tonight
00:29:26Tonight
00:29:26Tonight
00:29:26You'll be the best
00:29:27Night of the night
00:29:28Oh
00:29:29Oh
00:29:29Okay
00:29:31Feeling it
00:29:35Feeling it
00:29:36You're awesome
00:29:37Bye
00:29:38God, I hate mimes
00:29:42About those not-so-adorable quirks
00:29:45My snarky love
00:29:46Hey, nine out of ten people
00:29:48Hate mimes
00:29:49Fact
00:29:49The way you say
00:29:50Oh God
00:29:51Oh God
00:29:52Oh God
00:29:52It's like I'm having sex
00:29:53With Father Muldoon
00:29:54And while we're at it
00:29:56You have chicken feet
00:29:58What?
00:29:59You have chicken feet
00:30:00Your feet look like chicken's feet
00:30:01Really?
00:30:03Okay
00:30:03Well, you skip one day
00:30:04With your razor
00:30:05And suddenly I'm in bed
00:30:06With Chewbacca
00:30:06And I wish your lips
00:30:07Were bigger
00:30:08God, you know what?
00:30:10My dad was right
00:30:10You do need to go
00:30:12To clown school
00:30:12There's a clown school?
00:30:14I mean, you're never
00:30:14Gonna grow up, are you?
00:30:15Not if I can help it
00:30:16You know, we've been together
00:30:18For a while
00:30:18And we don't talk
00:30:19I don't actually really talk
00:30:21Sometimes I feel like
00:30:23I don't know you at all
00:30:24Maybe we're just not
00:30:27At all that compatible
00:30:28Maybe there's no maybe
00:30:30Sometimes I don't even know
00:30:31If I see a viable future
00:30:32With you
00:30:33I mean, you work in a toy store
00:30:35For God's sake
00:30:35I happen to love
00:30:36Working in that toy store
00:30:37Can we rewind?
00:30:40Thank you
00:30:41Thank you so much
00:30:43I'm sorry
00:30:43No
00:30:45No, it was a grave
00:30:46Honestly, thank you for that
00:30:49That was really
00:30:50This isn't
00:30:55This isn't working
00:30:56This us thing
00:30:57It's not working
00:30:58God, listen to us
00:31:06You sound like two people
00:31:07Who aren't gonna move in together
00:31:08I disagree
00:31:10You do?
00:31:13Yeah
00:31:14I think we sound like two people
00:31:17Who are breaking up
00:31:18This is it
00:31:23Oh, so that's how it's going down?
00:31:28I guess
00:31:29Jeff, wait
00:31:43Can I have my memory foam pillow?
00:31:53Yeah
00:31:53Yeah
00:31:54Here's your memory foam pillow
00:32:07It remembers everything
00:32:11Oh God
00:32:14Oh God
00:32:14Oh God
00:32:15Speaking of which
00:32:16Here's your
00:32:17Jesus action figure
00:32:19Your baby bow
00:32:21Your baby toothbrush
00:32:23Oh yeah
00:32:24And this
00:32:26Babalu?
00:32:31But I gave these things to you
00:32:32Yeah, well I don't want your silly toys
00:32:34You used to like my silly toys
00:32:37You said I was ridiculous
00:32:41Maybe I've had enough ridiculousity
00:32:44Here I am
00:32:47Right here before you
00:32:51Explaining it to you
00:32:55And it all comes out the wrong way
00:32:59Here I am
00:33:03Lying beside you
00:33:07I'm dying inside
00:33:10And it all
00:33:12Comes out the wrong way
00:33:16Comes out
00:33:20Can dry my eyes
00:33:22Stop falling
00:33:23Dry my eyes
00:33:26And I like how
00:33:28Dry my eyes
00:33:30Stop calling
00:33:31But I will never know
00:33:36Why you had to go
00:33:40There's no surprise
00:33:50We were just breakfast
00:33:54Now you're haunting my heart
00:33:59Cause it all turned out the wrong way
00:34:04In rooms alive
00:34:07With the memory of voices
00:34:10Had a ghost of a chance
00:34:15But it all turned out the wrong way
00:34:20Change your mind of my breakup sex
00:34:22Could you just not?
00:34:23Could you possibly think about anything other than sex for the next ten seconds?
00:34:26Sure
00:34:27Doing it now
00:34:28Okay
00:34:28What were you thinking about instead of sex?
00:34:33Buffalo wings?
00:34:34Really Jeff?
00:34:34Come on Chloe
00:34:35I was thinking about you
00:34:36You know the three major holidays are bearing down on us
00:34:40Thanksgiving
00:34:41Christmas
00:34:42New Year's
00:34:44Breaking up is totally gonna suck
00:34:46Yeah
00:34:48It's gonna be really awkward
00:34:49I don't wanna go through the whole holiday season as a victim
00:34:52This really sucks
00:34:53I don't wanna go through all that pity
00:34:54Oh you poor thing
00:34:55Are you okay?
00:34:56I never thought that
00:34:58I don't wanna go through that
00:34:59It's my favorite time of year
00:35:01Well
00:35:01There's nothing we can do about it
00:35:03Yeah I guess not
00:35:05Hey what's up?
00:35:15Yeah you uh
00:35:16Forgot to say goodnight
00:35:16We can't keep doing this
00:35:18Yeah I know
00:35:19Goodnight
00:35:20Alright goodnight
00:35:21Honey
00:35:29You don't have to succumb to all that romantic bullshit society throws at you
00:35:34Romance
00:35:36Love
00:35:36Marriage
00:35:37It's all a myth
00:35:38Does your husband know you feel that way?
00:35:40Oh the ring
00:35:4125 years ago
00:35:43I got married
00:35:45To myself
00:35:46I never had a husband
00:35:47I don't want one
00:35:48I don't need one
00:35:49I'm totally fulfilled
00:35:51And I'm perfectly happy being single
00:35:54You are?
00:35:55Yes
00:35:56Very
00:35:56Where do you find the love?
00:35:58It's all around you
00:35:58If you just open yourself up to it
00:36:00Would you like to come to my house
00:36:02And have a cup of tea tomorrow?
00:36:04I would love that
00:36:05So welcome to my nirvana
00:36:07Joining us for tea
00:36:10We've got buttons
00:36:11And then we have Orlando
00:36:13And noodles
00:36:15And over there with a crooked tail is Jojo
00:36:18Oh Queen Elizabeth is joining us for tea
00:36:21And that's of course totally appropriate
00:36:23How's Jeff?
00:36:30He is so handsome
00:36:31Has a good job
00:36:32You know I was talking to his mom
00:36:34He said he's very responsible
00:36:36Just what you need
00:36:37Grounded
00:36:38Would you knock it off?
00:36:40Mom
00:36:40Don't you dare let him get away
00:36:41Do you think this bird is big enough?
00:36:47Sure
00:36:47Jeff
00:36:49I don't want to alarm you
00:36:50But your father and I are in counseling
00:36:52The therapist asked us
00:36:54What strengths hold our marriage together
00:36:55And we just sat there
00:36:56Like those big Easter Island heads
00:36:58Saying nothing
00:36:59We couldn't think of anything
00:37:00Wait you and dad are in therapy?
00:37:02And when we're in crisis
00:37:03We're supposed to find safe places
00:37:04To retreat to
00:37:05So
00:37:06We get into a fight
00:37:07I come into the kitchen
00:37:08Father goes in the bathroom
00:37:09He was in there for two days
00:37:11Then he rose like Lazarus
00:37:13And claimed to have a grand epiphany
00:37:15And he won't tell me what it is
00:37:16And how he's Jeff
00:37:18He's
00:37:20The button that's squashed
00:37:21Forgot the button that's squashed
00:37:22Move it
00:37:22When I see that lovely girl Chelsea
00:37:30Chloe
00:37:31And I see that lovely girl Chelsea and you
00:37:33Together
00:37:34Oh
00:37:35Well
00:37:36It's the best thing that ever happened to you
00:37:39And I see the both of you so happy
00:37:43And I realize
00:37:44It's okay now
00:37:46I can die in peace
00:37:47Remember
00:37:49Remember
00:37:49When the heart speaks
00:37:51Love
00:37:53Listens
00:37:54Here
00:37:55One is for you
00:37:57And one is for Chelsea
00:37:58Okay
00:38:00Oh
00:38:00I'm so happy for you
00:38:02Oh
00:38:03I could just lie down right now and die
00:38:05But I won't
00:38:06I want to see you two together forever
00:38:08Chloe
00:38:17Chloe
00:38:17Hi
00:38:18Hey
00:38:18Kelly
00:38:19Hi
00:38:19Brian
00:38:20Hey
00:38:20How are you?
00:38:21So nice to see you
00:38:23Yeah
00:38:24Is that a ring?
00:38:25Is that new?
00:38:25Oh
00:38:26Yeah
00:38:26Brian got promoted
00:38:28Regional manager
00:38:29Yes
00:38:29No big deal
00:38:30No it is
00:38:31It's a huge deal
00:38:31It's huge deal
00:38:32What does that have to do with you?
00:38:35Where's Jeff?
00:38:38Jeff
00:38:38Oh my god
00:38:40Is everything okay?
00:38:41Everything's fine
00:38:42Jeff and I are fine
00:38:44Everything's great
00:38:45Oh god
00:38:45Honey you're shaking
00:38:46No I know
00:38:47I just
00:38:47My heart stopped
00:38:49You guys are just such an adorable couple
00:38:51That I
00:38:51If anything happened
00:38:53I would be devastated
00:38:54But we're fine
00:38:56So we'll see you
00:38:59When?
00:39:00Thanksgiving
00:39:01We'll see you soon
00:39:02Yeah
00:39:02You'll see me at Thanksgiving
00:39:03Alright
00:39:04Awesome
00:39:04Gobble gobble
00:39:06Take care
00:39:07Just ran into Kelly and Brian
00:39:11Brian got her a ring
00:39:13Apparently they can afford it now
00:39:14Where's Jeff?
00:39:16She asked
00:39:17She literally said
00:39:19Oh my god twice
00:39:20You should have seen the look of terror in her eyes
00:39:21Well
00:39:22Couples don't like it when friends break up
00:39:24It's an attack on the status quo
00:39:26They immediately start questioning their own choices
00:39:28Where's Jeff?
00:39:30They couldn't fathom the fact that we weren't attached at the hip
00:39:32I don't think I can do this
00:39:34I'll never make it through Thanksgiving
00:39:36Yeah
00:39:37Not to mention both our parents are expecting us to show face
00:39:39I don't want to be the sad eyed pathetic single girl
00:39:42Oh
00:39:45Yeah
00:39:45Here
00:39:46It's from Nana
00:39:47She really likes you
00:39:49I really like her too
00:39:51This makes me crazy
00:39:52I like
00:39:52I'm going suicidal here just thinking about this
00:39:54We should have waited until after the holidays
00:39:57Who have you told?
00:39:59No one
00:39:59You?
00:40:01Nobody
00:40:01Not yet
00:40:02What if
00:40:04We just went to Thanksgiving as a couple
00:40:09And pretended we didn't break up
00:40:10You know
00:40:11I'm impressed
00:40:12What an incredibly dumb idea
00:40:15No
00:40:15That sounds problematic and awkward
00:40:17Not to mention excruciatingly painful
00:40:19Really?
00:40:19More awkward
00:40:20Yes
00:40:20Than staying home alone
00:40:21Or going out and suffering through the pity parties
00:40:23Being constantly consoled and coddled
00:40:25Over our tragic loss
00:40:27Okay
00:40:27So
00:40:28What you're saying
00:40:29Is we stay together even though we're broken up
00:40:32In order to avoid the bitter anguish of solitude
00:40:35Or all the well-meaning but soul-crushing sympathy
00:40:37We can do it
00:40:38Make it fun
00:40:39For you
00:40:41So I assume I'll have to put up with hours of your
00:40:47Childish erratic behavior
00:40:49As I will have to smile delightfully
00:40:51As you continue your pessimistic march into middle age
00:40:53Okay
00:40:54Alright fine
00:40:55No slips of the tongue
00:40:56No inappropriate Tourette's blurting
00:40:58Blurting is henceforth banished
00:41:00Deal?
00:41:02Deal
00:41:02Seal of breakup sex?
00:41:04No
00:41:04Not
00:41:05Nine
00:41:06What we gotta seal the deal
00:41:07Captain Winky's gonna have to find a new outlet
00:41:09Have you tried a lamp socket?
00:41:11Can we at least hug?
00:41:14Can we bring it?
00:41:16Oh yeah
00:41:17Hey
00:41:27Hey
00:41:28Whoa what are you doing?
00:41:29I was going for the cheek
00:41:30Okay
00:41:30Take the cheek
00:41:31Was it good for you?
00:41:33It's amazing
00:41:34Can we go in now?
00:41:35Yeah
00:41:35You're the one that was late
00:41:36Again as usual sunshine
00:41:37Okay for the record
00:41:37And this goes on your permanent record by the way
00:41:39You're too punctual
00:41:41Comes off stodgy and desperate
00:41:42Why didn't you just go in without me?
00:41:45Well because I didn't want to go in alone
00:41:47I thought maybe we should go in together
00:41:49You know as a couple
00:41:50Right
00:41:51Not just any couple
00:41:53But the perfect couple
00:41:55That's madly in love
00:41:56Okay
00:41:57Oh Alma
00:41:59The old spice is driving me wild
00:42:01Mom
00:42:12Oh hi sweetie
00:42:13You remember terrifically handsome
00:42:15Wonderful Jeff
00:42:16Of course I do
00:42:17I'm not gonna forget the man you're living with
00:42:19By the way speedy
00:42:20When is that house warming?
00:42:22Soon-ish
00:42:23You know we're still
00:42:23Working
00:42:24Yeah
00:42:25Cozy
00:42:26Welcome to the dish
00:42:26Hey
00:42:27Hey
00:42:27Welcome
00:42:29Welcome to the family
00:42:31You want a drink?
00:42:33Yeah sure
00:42:33Yeah that sounds great
00:42:35It's nice to be welcome
00:42:36What's up guys?
00:42:37Hey
00:42:38Taking the big step huh?
00:42:40Moving in with one another
00:42:41You know
00:42:43When I was living with the Buddhists in Arizona
00:42:47We
00:42:48Could you please go check on the phone now?
00:42:51Yeah
00:42:51Thank you
00:42:52Sure
00:42:52Thank you
00:42:53Hi
00:42:53Nothing is more important than family
00:42:57And I
00:42:59I am just so thankful
00:43:01That Chloe
00:43:02And Jeff have found each other
00:43:04And I hope and I pray
00:43:06That their loving relationship
00:43:08Continues to blossom
00:43:09And
00:43:11Bears fruit in the form of a grandchild
00:43:13Oh god mom
00:43:15Oh
00:43:15Cheers
00:43:16Alright everybody let's drink to that
00:43:18Are you worried about stretch marks?
00:43:20Don't be worried about stretch marks
00:43:21I heard
00:43:23That you two
00:43:24Moved in together
00:43:25Yeah
00:43:25Yeah
00:43:26We did
00:43:27And I'm noticing all these
00:43:28Beautiful little quirks about him
00:43:30He snores like a baby goat
00:43:32And who knew
00:43:33He was a bed wetter
00:43:35But that's love right?
00:43:38Sure is
00:43:38So where is this love nest?
00:43:40On Pico
00:43:41Pico
00:43:43And where on Pico?
00:43:45It's on Pico and Clam
00:43:46I don't
00:43:49Where's
00:43:50Where's that?
00:43:52I mean it's on Pico
00:43:53It doesn't really matter
00:43:54Kelly
00:43:54It's there
00:43:55So how's it going?
00:43:59I mean are
00:43:59Are you guys still hot for each other?
00:44:02Yes
00:44:02Oh my god
00:44:03We are so hot
00:44:04I mean we are like animals
00:44:05Like wow
00:44:06She is an animal
00:44:08I mean I can't keep her off me
00:44:09I'm like
00:44:10Enough already
00:44:11I'm like hurting
00:44:12I could use another glass of white wine
00:44:14Jeff
00:44:15Cut the bullshit
00:44:19Seriously
00:44:21Girl to girl
00:44:22Oh
00:44:22Girl to girl
00:44:24Well if we're doing girl to girl
00:44:25Then I swear on my sacred cha-cha
00:44:27That Jeff and I are soulmates
00:44:29When he's not around
00:44:30I'm a train wreck
00:44:31Okay come on
00:44:32I'm not dumb
00:44:34I've got brains
00:44:36And intuition
00:44:36Here you go
00:44:38Thanks Jeffy
00:44:40Yeah
00:44:40No problem
00:44:42Jeffy
00:44:44Was she flirting with you?
00:44:46Are you attracted to her?
00:44:46No
00:44:47No
00:44:47Kelly
00:44:48That's ridiculous
00:44:51She does have an appeal
00:44:52In a hoey sort of way
00:44:54Men like that don't they
00:44:56They like hoes
00:44:56No men don't like hoes
00:44:58They love hoes
00:44:59What are you doing?
00:45:00What do you mean what am I doing?
00:45:00You can let go now
00:45:01No
00:45:01Hey what if someone gets
00:45:02Suspicious
00:45:03No one's getting
00:45:04Just
00:45:04You're so annoying
00:45:06Let me hold you
00:45:07Hey
00:45:07Did you shave your legs?
00:45:10Did you smell me?
00:45:11Nope
00:45:11Nope
00:45:11I did not shave my legs
00:45:12I'm going full mammal
00:45:13Jane Goodall's following me
00:45:15Yes
00:45:16That's so hard
00:45:16You're disgusting
00:45:17If you don't let
00:45:17Fine
00:45:18Flip
00:45:18Sometimes it does get a little old though
00:45:22Like I wish that Randy would actually take on a lover
00:45:25So he would quit bothering me to take care of his needs
00:45:29The only time Mandy and I have sex in the same room
00:45:31Is when she walks in on me masturbating
00:45:34She used to wear these panties
00:45:40You know
00:45:41Like a nice thong
00:45:42And now
00:45:44It's just
00:45:46These giant
00:45:47You know
00:45:49Like almost like a
00:45:50Like a parachute
00:45:51Like a parachute kind of thing
00:45:53Yeah
00:45:53Looks like she's in a breakdancing movie
00:45:56You know
00:45:56It's like living with a horny orangutan
00:45:59Oh wow
00:46:00How often are you guys
00:46:01At least once a month
00:46:03It's so exhausting
00:46:05That's not that much
00:46:07That is a lot
00:46:08I have these fantasies
00:46:09Yeah
00:46:10Well that's normal
00:46:11I mean who doesn't like a good friend
00:46:12Fantasy
00:46:13I go in the kitchen
00:46:15And I grab a cast iron skillet
00:46:17And I
00:46:19I
00:46:21Hit her over the head with it
00:46:23Yeah
00:46:24And then I
00:46:26I stand above the body
00:46:29And she's not dead
00:46:31But I stand above the body
00:46:35And I bask in the silence
00:46:42And I bask in the silence
00:46:42Ready?
00:46:45What are you doing?
00:46:53I'll pick her up
00:46:54Don't let her cry
00:46:55They need to cry themselves out
00:46:57You never let Chloe cry herself out
00:46:59And maybe if you had
00:47:00She'd be different
00:47:01That would have been a terrible tragedy
00:47:02It's okay
00:47:04Shh
00:47:05Don't listen to the phone
00:47:06I'm here
00:47:06Grandpa's here
00:47:07Okay?
00:47:14What's going on?
00:47:15Same thing that's been going on for 25 years
00:47:17Your father and I just have very different concepts of child rearing
00:47:20I know
00:47:21Remember the time you took away all my toys?
00:47:24Oh for God's sakes Chloe
00:47:25Don't start on me today
00:47:26I was six
00:47:26You yelled at me and told me to clean up my room
00:47:29I did
00:47:30But the toys wanted to stay out and play
00:47:32So even though I put them back in the toy box
00:47:35They wouldn't stay in
00:47:36They came out all by themselves
00:47:38Out of play
00:47:39Now I remember
00:47:40You made up that ridiculous story
00:47:42And you wouldn't let it go
00:47:43I wanted you to believe
00:47:45And you wouldn't
00:47:46Toys don't climb out of a toy box by themselves for God's sakes
00:47:49I couldn't believe you
00:47:50I didn't want you to believe me
00:47:52I wanted you to believe with me
00:47:54I thought that if you could do that
00:47:56Then so many other things could be possible
00:47:58But you wouldn't even just pretend
00:48:00You just took away my toys
00:48:01It was for one day you needed to learn
00:48:04Or maybe you did
00:48:05What was dad's bathroom epiphany?
00:48:11She's sleeping now
00:48:12You know
00:48:14Amazing things can happen to you in the bathroom
00:48:18Let me tell you
00:48:19Princess, I remembered
00:48:21Spinning yet another fantastic yarn
00:48:24About innocence of yet another one of my guilty
00:48:27Reprehensible, unremorseful clients
00:48:29And I spun this wild fabrication
00:48:33And it occurred to me
00:48:35That I had been doing this for years
00:48:37Creating alternate realities
00:48:40And I thought to myself
00:48:42Why can't I do that for my own life?
00:48:47Why not just cut to the chase
00:48:48And confess to your daughter
00:48:49That you've lost your mind?
00:48:51Without consulting me
00:48:52Your father has this alter ego
00:48:54Larry
00:48:54That you don't need a lawyer lawyer
00:48:56He's shooting these utterly useless videos
00:48:59They're totally useful
00:49:00So useless there are no words
00:49:01And he's posting them on YouTube
00:49:03People spend their hard-earned money on attorneys
00:49:06It's a disgrace
00:49:07Nobody sees these
00:49:09Maybe a few hundred people
00:49:11It's pathetic
00:49:11Visionaries are rarely recognized in their own time
00:49:15Mom, if it makes him happy
00:49:17He's ignoring his practice
00:49:18He does nothing but shoot these inane videos
00:49:20Essentially, he's trying to put himself out of business
00:49:22She's exaggerating
00:49:23It was always her second best oral talent
00:49:25Oh, thank you, dear
00:49:26I guess the takeaway from all this, Chloe
00:49:28Is you don't let things build up between you and Jeff
00:49:30Be honest
00:49:31Let your feelings out
00:49:32I really like Jeff
00:49:35I think he's great
00:49:37You got those pies from Gleason's, right?
00:49:40Yes
00:49:40They have to be from Gleason's
00:49:42He's crazy about the pumpkin pie
00:49:43The problem is, you're not listening to me
00:49:51No, the problem is that everything you say is total bullshit
00:49:54What are you doing?
00:50:04Why are you supposed to be so sneaky?
00:50:05Are we visiting or robbing this place?
00:50:06No, no, no
00:50:06We'll go in the back
00:50:07That way we want to make some big phony intrants
00:50:09We're just having a conversation
00:50:10Why are you overreacting?
00:50:12I never thought I'd hear those words coming out of your mouth
00:50:14You're misinterpreting my intentions
00:50:15No, you've made yourself very clear
00:50:17You're trying to kill me and it's working
00:50:20I think I'm having an aneurysm
00:50:21What do we do?
00:50:22I don't know
00:50:23Okay
00:50:24No, no, we can die
00:50:25We'll go this way, you might see it
00:50:26Oh, happy Thanksgiving
00:50:32Oh, honey, thank you
00:50:34Chloe
00:50:35Oh, you look so pretty
00:50:38Thank you
00:50:40Thank you, so do you
00:50:40You have a very healthy glove
00:50:43Oh, sweet
00:50:44Gleason's
00:50:46Are those pumpkin pies?
00:50:48Maybe
00:50:48Oh, I'm gonna go take them out
00:50:50So how do you two lovebirds like nesting together?
00:50:59Oh
00:50:59The novelty wears off
00:51:02They start to get on your nerves
00:51:03Oh, she's not getting on my nerves
00:51:05In fact, she's gone so much of the time
00:51:08I don't even know she's there
00:51:10I really miss her
00:51:11Oh, that is so sweet
00:51:15You know, your grandfather Bernard and I used to be like that
00:51:18Until he met that Guatemalan whore
00:51:21And moved out to New York
00:51:23And then, well, he had a heart attack
00:51:28Like he should
00:51:30What?
00:51:31Yes
00:51:31Who wants Gleason's pumpkin pie?
00:51:35Over here, bring it on
00:51:36From Gleason's
00:51:38We love our Gleason's store
00:51:40Fresh
00:51:40Oh, look at that
00:51:42Give me the whipped cream
00:51:58Thanks
00:52:02Here we go
00:52:04I knew it
00:52:14These pies aren't from Gleason's
00:52:15They're from Dollar Barn
00:52:17You forged pies
00:52:27You actually brought
00:52:28Counterfeit Gleason's pumpkin pies?
00:52:29Do you know how much they charge
00:52:30For those stupid Gleason's pies?
00:52:32Yes
00:52:32I lost my job
00:52:36What?
00:52:41Like, how?
00:52:43Oh, I'd rather not say
00:52:44I'd rather you not not say
00:52:48I'd rather you say say
00:52:50Okay
00:52:51Okay, you know Frank?
00:52:53Yeah, the old guy who works in your stockroom?
00:52:55Yeah, well, my manager took her lunch break
00:52:57And he decided to lay down
00:52:59And, you know, he works two jobs
00:53:01And he fell asleep
00:53:03And?
00:53:05And he looked cold
00:53:06So I let him sleep
00:53:07And I put a blanket over him
00:53:08So what's the problem?
00:53:14Video surveillance
00:53:15Oh
00:53:16Big sister was watching
00:53:17Wow, it sucks
00:53:19Yeah
00:53:20What are you gonna do now?
00:53:22They took away all your toys
00:53:24I bet you hated being a kid
00:53:26I loved being a kid
00:53:27Until my 12th birthday
00:53:28It was after I blew out my candles
00:53:32And my dad took me outside for the talk
00:53:33Birds and the bees talk?
00:53:36No
00:53:37The real life talk
00:53:39You know, Jeff
00:53:40Real life isn't like birthday parties
00:53:42Where people buy you shit
00:53:43For free and love you
00:53:46It's not like that, son
00:53:47When you grew up
00:53:49You gotta work your ass off
00:53:51Because no matter what people say
00:53:53About women's lib
00:53:54You'll be expected to be the breadwinner
00:53:55Anyway
00:53:57Happy birthday, son
00:53:59That sounds terrible
00:54:00Yeah
00:54:02I don't know
00:54:08I guess I just
00:54:09I kind of stopped being a kid
00:54:13A little bit every year after that
00:54:16Jeff, why didn't you tell me any of this
00:54:21When we were together?
00:54:25I don't know
00:54:26I guess it's just so personal, you know?
00:54:31Right
00:54:31Because you don't want to get too personal
00:54:33With the woman you're sleeping with
00:54:35Ugh
00:54:36Chelsea
00:54:41You do love him, don't you?
00:54:46I know you're living with this girl
00:54:48And you're fond of her
00:54:49But in the long run
00:54:50You want to merge with somebody
00:54:52Who makes bank
00:54:52Is that what you and mom
00:54:54Are fighting about?
00:54:56No, Jeff, forget it
00:54:57You wouldn't tell me
00:54:58Even if you were
00:54:59I know that you will be
00:55:00Taking care of my Jeff, baby
00:55:01Because he needs to be taken care of
00:55:04Yeah, he does
00:55:05Oh, boy
00:55:06And you'll know about men
00:55:07Well, you might not know about men
00:55:09But they have very, very powerful needs
00:55:12Yeah
00:55:13A lot of wants
00:55:14A lot of desires
00:55:15Yeah
00:55:16Are you rhythmic?
00:55:17And seriously
00:55:18It takes two paychecks
00:55:19To create a decent cash flow
00:55:21In today's economy
00:55:21When are people going to stop saying
00:55:23In today's economy?
00:55:24At the end of the day
00:55:25You don't want to be with somebody
00:55:26Who is a drag on your bottom line
00:55:28God forbid, Dad
00:55:29You're so right for each other
00:55:32Yeah
00:55:33I'm so glad you're a part of this family
00:55:35I'm going to go help mom in the kitchen
00:55:39Hi, mom
00:55:46Can I help you with something?
00:55:47Oh
00:55:47What's the matter?
00:55:49Nothing
00:55:50I don't want to help with it
00:55:53Your father wants an open marriage
00:55:56Oh, jeez
00:55:57Mom, he's an idiot
00:55:59You poor thing
00:56:01Are you okay?
00:56:01Yeah
00:56:02No
00:56:02Oh, don't tell him I said anything
00:56:04It'll only exacerbate things
00:56:06It's okay
00:56:08I know a terrific therapist
00:56:09You do?
00:56:12No
00:56:12But I thought I should at least offer
00:56:15I'm sorry
00:56:15Oh, jeffie
00:56:17Jeffie, this has nothing to do with you
00:56:19It's everything to do with us
00:56:22You don't worry about it
00:56:23Sometimes things like this
00:56:24They just
00:56:24They work themselves out
00:56:26Well, that was fun
00:56:34Yeah
00:56:36Except for the bold-faced lying part
00:56:39Yeah, that was weird
00:56:41Hey, what was up with your parents?
00:56:44Another time, okay?
00:56:46I thought you were evolving
00:56:47Opening up
00:56:48I did
00:56:49Okay, I am
00:56:50I will
00:56:51I can
00:56:51Are any of those the right thing to say to you?
00:56:53Because I really don't know anymore
00:56:54Hey, jeff
00:56:55I'm glad we did what we did
00:56:57It was fun, right?
00:57:01Come on, don't look at me like that
00:57:03It's better than being alone
00:57:04Yeah
00:57:07I'm glad you shared
00:57:10Better late than never
00:57:11I mean, it made me feel closer to you
00:57:17So would that be
00:57:22Close enough for turkey day breakup sex?
00:57:27Turkey day breakup sex?
00:57:29For future reference
00:57:31Do not put sex and turkey in the same sentence
00:57:33And no, I don't think that's a good idea
00:57:35I'll see it
00:57:38Yep
00:57:39I knew I was still in love
00:57:55But what I didn't know
00:57:57What was gonna happen
00:57:58How could we be together
00:58:00If it meant I had to change who I was?
00:58:03Because it sure didn't seem like
00:58:04He wanted to change
00:58:05He was so eager to jump right into it
00:58:09Into middle age
00:58:11But I still missed his cute little chin
00:58:14Hey, hi
00:58:24How are you?
00:58:26Great
00:58:26Uh, my mom invited your parents to our Christmas party
00:58:29And they invited Kelly and Brian
00:58:31Oh, God, not Kelly
00:58:32She's like a drug-sniffing dog
00:58:34Yeah, well
00:58:34Obviously you haven't communicated effectively
00:58:37With your own parents
00:58:38Well
00:58:39No, they're
00:58:40Actually having some issues
00:58:41And they don't really want to talk about anything
00:58:43Wait a minute
00:58:45You must not have told your mommy and daddy either
00:58:48No
00:58:49I suck
00:58:50So, uh
00:58:51Are you seeing anyone?
00:58:53Uh
00:58:54Yeah
00:58:55There's this guy
00:58:56I knew it
00:58:57What's he do?
00:58:59He's into shoes
00:59:01Listen, I gotta go
00:59:04Jeff, wait
00:59:05There's no guy
00:59:06Okay
00:59:07Um
00:59:08Well
00:59:08If you're not doing anything
00:59:10I mean
00:59:11Maybe
00:59:13We could
00:59:14Go together
00:59:16Just like Thanksgiving?
00:59:17We will continue this pathetic twisted farce
00:59:19We'll put on another dashing passionate performance
00:59:21As a perfect couple
00:59:22Sounds good
00:59:23Alright
00:59:24Chloe
00:59:27Do you
00:59:29Um
00:59:30You know what?
00:59:32Never mind
00:59:33Never mind
00:59:33I'm gonna hang up now
00:59:35Okay
00:59:35God, would it kill me to tell him I miss him?
00:59:39What would be the point?
00:59:41I'm so lonely
00:59:42I just want something to hug
00:59:44Get a cat
00:59:44Try Craigslist
00:59:46On the field we go
00:59:58Laughing all the way
01:00:01Hiya
01:00:04Hiya
01:00:04You're great
01:00:05Yeah
01:00:07You're no problem
01:00:08Oh
01:00:09Oh my god
01:00:10What are you
01:00:10What are you
01:00:11What are you doing?
01:00:12I was saying whatever it was
01:00:13Was wrong
01:00:13Wait, no
01:00:14Hey, you just cut me off guard
01:00:15If you need a hug
01:00:16No, I'm good
01:00:17You sure?
01:00:18Yep
01:00:18You working?
01:00:26Nope
01:00:27But
01:00:28I have a lot of irons in the fire
01:00:30Tons, actually
01:00:31You're broke, aren't you?
01:00:35Why do you always do that?
01:00:36Leap to rash, utterly, groundless conclusions about me
01:00:39If it happened to be true
01:00:40God, I'm such an idiot
01:00:43Such a loser
01:00:45Lowlife, inept, useless piece of crap
01:00:48You can jump in at any time
01:00:50But you're not a loser
01:00:51Okay, it's just
01:00:52Without me, your life is spinning totally out of control
01:00:55But don't worry about it
01:00:56I do have something that could reverse your current trend
01:00:59Jeff, we're not having breakup sex
01:01:02Let's go
01:01:02I'm feeling a little guilty about this whole thing
01:01:14I really don't feel right about lying on Christmas
01:01:18Maybe we should just stop pretending and
01:01:24What, you didn't tell everybody?
01:01:26Stupid?
01:01:26Like, what?
01:01:27No, that's insane
01:01:29I was thinking the same thing
01:01:33Okay, let's do it
01:01:34Honesty and integrity, all the way
01:01:36All the way
01:01:36Okay
01:01:38All right
01:01:38We can do it
01:01:39We've done it
01:01:40We've done it
01:01:40It's done
01:01:41I mean
01:01:41It's already done
01:01:42We haven't done it yet
01:01:43But when we go inside, we're gonna tell everybody
01:01:44Yeah
01:01:45We're not a couple
01:01:46On Christmas
01:01:47Merry Christmas
01:01:48Merry Christmas
01:01:49We're not together
01:01:50We broke up a long time ago
01:01:52But we've been pretending this whole time
01:01:53Yeah
01:01:54You ready?
01:01:59Give me some wine, sweetheart
01:02:00Come here
01:02:02Hi, Nana
01:02:03Hi, sweetheart
01:02:04Merry Christmas
01:02:06Merry Christmas
01:02:07Oh, Merry Christmas, Chelsea
01:02:09Can I have a kiss?
01:02:10Hi, Nana
01:02:11Hi, sweetheart
01:02:12Nana, I need this
01:02:13Okay, I have something I wanted
01:02:15I tell you both
01:02:16Well, I'm just not well
01:02:20And I don't know if I'm gonna make it
01:02:22Through two new years
01:02:23Nana, you say this every year
01:02:24No, no, no
01:02:24I know, but this is something I really do feel
01:02:28Um, I just know this is coming
01:02:33I just don't want to get
01:02:36A little dramatic
01:02:38But, you know
01:02:39I, um
01:02:42I have a little something for you
01:02:45This is called
01:02:46Someday money
01:02:48And
01:02:48I don't need this money
01:02:50But someday
01:02:51You will
01:02:52And I want you to have it
01:02:55Nana, I...
01:02:55Yes, I...
01:02:56You could buy here a beautiful house
01:02:59A house?
01:03:00Well, every woman wants a house
01:03:01And a dog
01:03:02And a baby
01:03:03And that's what brings you two together more
01:03:06Look, Nana, I...
01:03:08Please, please
01:03:09Yes, you can
01:03:10I hid it from Bernard
01:03:12That G.D. son of a...
01:03:15When I see him
01:03:17I'm gonna kick his ass to the curb
01:03:19This
01:03:20Is for you to make me happy
01:03:23And to
01:03:23Give me the peace
01:03:25I know
01:03:25And I...
01:03:26Promise me that you'll both stay together forever
01:03:28Look, we have got to do something
01:03:32Yeah, I know
01:03:33Look, she gave us cash
01:03:34Yeah, I saw that
01:03:35Looks like you're off the bank
01:03:37Let's just...
01:03:38We'll tell her now
01:03:39Tell your...
01:03:39Your mom's coming
01:03:40Let's tell her now
01:03:40Okay
01:03:40Hi
01:03:41Hi, Mom
01:03:42Hi
01:03:43Merry Christmas, baby
01:03:43Merry Christmas
01:03:44Hi, Chloe
01:03:45Oh, you are so, so lovely
01:03:48Thank you
01:03:49Listen
01:03:50Yeah, we...
01:03:51Listen to me
01:03:51Oh
01:03:52We have a little something for you
01:03:53Oh, yes
01:03:54What's this?
01:03:55This is the key to our family
01:03:57Oh, no, no, no, no
01:03:58No, no, no, no, no, no, no
01:03:59I know that Clark has a way of locking people out
01:04:02But he picked this out special, so welcome
01:04:05Wow
01:04:07Thank you
01:04:08You're welcome
01:04:09Now, more importantly
01:04:10When do we get to see the little love nest?
01:04:13Mom, I...
01:04:14I've told you before
01:04:16We're just...
01:04:16We're busy
01:04:16We're swamped
01:04:17What with, you know, gifts and...
01:04:21Chloe's new job
01:04:22What?
01:04:23You have a new job
01:04:24How wonderful
01:04:25What is it?
01:04:26Oh
01:04:26It's kids
01:04:28Working with kids
01:04:29Kindergarten
01:04:30Yep
01:04:30It's a perfect fit for her
01:04:32She's actually enrolled
01:04:33Jeff, stop that
01:04:35So what, you're teaching?
01:04:37No, I'm actually a teacher's assistant
01:04:39But I am going to school for a teaching degree
01:04:42Well, you must be so proud
01:04:44But you do have that sheen of accomplishment about you, don't you?
01:04:48Oh, thank you
01:04:49Give me a minute, I gotta go talk to Dad
01:04:52Yeah
01:04:52I can't keep this
01:04:56I feel way too guilty
01:04:57Yeah
01:04:57So much for the, uh, honesty and integrity thing, right?
01:05:00You didn't jump in?
01:05:01Oh, whatever
01:05:02The, uh, the kindergarten teaching thing, that was a smooth move
01:05:06It's just something I've been thinking about for a while
01:05:08Yeah?
01:05:09Oh, it's great
01:05:09Incoming
01:05:10Hi
01:05:11So what's up, what's up with Ebenezer back there?
01:05:14Oh, your father
01:05:16He's been in such a foul mood
01:05:19Well, you remember what we talked about at Thanksgiving?
01:05:21Yeah
01:05:22Yeah
01:05:22I remember that
01:05:23No
01:05:23What?
01:05:25Oh, certainly you told Chloe
01:05:27Jeff's not much of a sharer
01:05:29Boys
01:05:30All right
01:05:31So Jeff's father was going on and on about an open marriage
01:05:35And, well, naturally I was, I was crushed
01:05:39But I gave in
01:05:41And there's this young man at the club
01:05:44Fernando, the tennis pro
01:05:46Um, and he's such a, he's such a large man, you know
01:05:51And, well, frankly, I had forgotten how incredibly intense sex could be
01:05:55It's like Bikram yoga
01:05:56I've never sweat so much in my entire life
01:05:59Mom, please
01:06:00I'm begging you, don't finish that sentence
01:06:02Oh, Pooh
01:06:03I'm gonna go see my parents
01:06:05Okay
01:06:06It's really sort of dynamic, though, you know
01:06:09Are you kidding me?
01:06:12You're telling me this on Christmas?
01:06:13I don't know why we need a dance room
01:06:15Because you promised it to me
01:06:16You said it was the one before
01:06:17Hey
01:06:17Oh, hi, honey
01:06:18You guys look like a couple of Grinches
01:06:20Who died
01:06:21Nobody died
01:06:23We're, we're fine
01:06:24Merry Christmas, honey
01:06:25Merry Christmas
01:06:26You have such a sweet boyfriend
01:06:27You've really done well for yourself
01:06:29Yeah
01:06:30Sure
01:06:30Jingle bells, jingle bells
01:06:33Jingle all the way
01:06:34Oh, what fun
01:06:36Because you're riding
01:06:36One more so pretty
01:06:38Hi
01:06:38Hello
01:06:39Christmas hug?
01:06:41Oh, yes
01:06:42Thank you
01:06:44Oh
01:06:46Merry Christmas, tiny
01:06:47Merry Christmas
01:06:48Hello again
01:06:55Excuse me
01:06:57Oh
01:06:57It's you
01:07:03You talk
01:07:05Yes
01:07:06Unfortunately
01:07:07Sometimes I get a little nervous
01:07:09When I'm around beautiful girls
01:07:11And I tend to jibber-jabber
01:07:12And put my foot in my mouth
01:07:14Sometimes both feet
01:07:16Yeah, I'm actually really flexible
01:07:19I, uh, when I was a kid
01:07:21I could put my toes in my mouth
01:07:22And I would suck on shit
01:07:24You used to suck on shit?
01:07:26My toes, not shit
01:07:28I'm sorry
01:07:29It was
01:07:30Good seeing you again
01:07:31Oh, no
01:07:32Don't go
01:07:34You're just opening up
01:07:35And sharing
01:07:36And being honest
01:07:37It's nice
01:07:38So, the scary
01:07:40Toe-sucking guy
01:07:41Didn't scare you away?
01:07:42Not if you keep your shoes on
01:07:44So
01:07:45You came with Kelly?
01:07:48She didn't want to come alone
01:07:48Brian dumped her
01:07:50Oh
01:07:50Hell of a thing
01:07:52Especially right before the holidays
01:07:53Who does that?
01:07:54Oh
01:07:55I'm just crying a lot
01:07:57Yeah, should we go check on her?
01:07:58No, I want to enjoy this
01:07:59Okay
01:08:01Kelly
01:08:07Hey, cupcake deal
01:08:09What's wrong?
01:08:15Brian
01:08:16Marcy
01:08:18She got her master's
01:08:21I got my MBA
01:08:23My MBA
01:08:24That bastard
01:08:26And right before the holidays
01:08:27Oh, you guys
01:08:29I don't know what I would do without you
01:08:31I mean, really
01:08:33What is wrong with me?
01:08:37You're beautiful
01:08:38Come give me a hug
01:08:40Oh
01:08:41Okay
01:08:43No
01:08:45You're a good man
01:08:49You are
01:08:50You are a good, good man
01:08:52I'm going to go
01:08:55I'm going to go
01:08:55First
01:08:55I'm going to go
01:09:00Take care of her
01:09:01Okay
01:09:03What was that?
01:09:05What was what?
01:09:07She was practically dry humping you
01:09:08And that would bother you
01:09:10Because
01:09:10You're not my problem
01:09:11If you're making a spectacle of yourself
01:09:13Go ahead
01:09:13Hump away
01:09:14Thanks
01:09:16Thanks
01:09:17Hi, Nana
01:09:26Hi, Chelsea
01:09:27Oh, who's your friend?
01:09:29This is Kelly
01:09:29What's going on with you two?
01:09:35I mean, really?
01:09:37Not sure why you keep banging that drum, Kelly
01:09:39Jeff and I are fine
01:09:42Right
01:09:42So
01:09:43That's why he's been sitting over there
01:09:45Waiting under the mistletoe
01:09:46For someone to suck his lips off
01:09:47Oh, he's fine
01:09:49He's a lone wolf
01:09:50No
01:09:51What?
01:09:52Fine
01:09:52If you're not going to do it, then I will
01:09:53No, okay
01:09:54God
01:09:54Could you be more, Helen?
01:09:55You haven't kissed me like that in forever
01:10:12I was merely preserving the facade
01:10:14It was an act for Detective Kelly
01:10:16You liked this kiss, didn't you?
01:10:18Meh
01:10:18It was a perfectly appropriate kiss
01:10:24Between two incompatible adults
01:10:26That's all my tragically thin little lips
01:10:28Have to offer
01:10:30Well, I think your lips are the best I've ever met
01:10:36Really?
01:10:40I swear to God
01:10:41I felt like the stirring in my loins
01:10:46You want to feel?
01:10:47Thanks for the offer, but no thanks
01:10:48You can tell your loins to forget it
01:10:50I'm going to turn the other way now
01:10:52Oh, you go first
01:10:59Juggling kit
01:11:05You brat
01:11:06Building your dream house
01:11:12This is, uh
01:11:16So grown up of you
01:11:18I was expecting something silly
01:11:21Merry Christmas
01:11:24Merry Christmas
01:11:25When you told me about your heartbreak
01:11:28And I pretend like I didn't have one
01:11:29Well, I did
01:11:32Jenny
01:11:35I wanted to marry her
01:11:38I put an engagement ring on her finger
01:11:44But it got stuck
01:11:46So she cut it off
01:11:48And nailed it back to me in pieces
01:11:50Sorry, I shouldn't have
01:11:52Thumped it on you
01:11:53No
01:11:53I'm glad you told me
01:11:57You
01:12:08You
01:12:09You
01:12:10You
01:12:11You
01:12:12Good night
01:12:14You know
01:12:21New Year's Eve
01:12:23New Year's Eve is sneaking up on us
01:12:24And I don't want to be home alone
01:12:27Neither do I
01:12:28Maybe we could go to
01:12:30Peter's soiree together
01:12:32Yeah
01:12:33Yeah, that's
01:12:34I mean, who wants to
01:12:35Spend New Year's Eve alone, right?
01:12:38Okay
01:12:39Okay
01:12:39Okay
01:12:40Freed up
01:12:43Yeah
01:12:43I am the deliberate creator of my life
01:12:55I can be serious
01:12:57Seriously
01:12:59Trust me
01:13:01I trust you, Chloe
01:13:03You've always been there for me
01:13:05You'll catch me
01:13:07Why didn't you
01:13:13You catch me
01:13:14I trusted you
01:13:15Jeff
01:13:17Hi, Dad
01:13:23Listen, your mom is very upset
01:13:25I wanted to
01:13:26Talk to you about it
01:13:27Before she did
01:13:28I don't want to remodel the house
01:13:33Why not?
01:13:35Because I don't want the house
01:13:36What do you mean?
01:13:38Well, I
01:13:38Damn, she's home early
01:13:41He wants to sell the house
01:13:44Can you believe it?
01:13:45After all these years
01:13:47Sell our home
01:13:48Our house
01:13:48It's not a house
01:13:49It's an $800,000 albatross
01:13:51If I don't ever change
01:13:52Another sprinkler head
01:13:53For the rest of my life
01:13:54I'll be very happy
01:13:54And if I never step foot
01:13:56In a Home Depot again
01:13:57I will consider the rest of my life
01:13:58A grand success
01:13:59Oh, please
01:14:00We can hire people to do that
01:14:01I don't want to hire anyone
01:14:03To do anything more
01:14:04To this house
01:14:05I want to be free
01:14:06You see, this is what
01:14:07I wanted to share with you, sweetheart
01:14:08Your mother and I are taking vacations
01:14:09That's great
01:14:10Wait, vacations?
01:14:12Separate
01:14:13Oh, I agreed to a vacation
01:14:15I'd give him time to clear his muddled brain
01:14:17But it turns out
01:14:18Our ideas of vacations
01:14:19Are completely opposite
01:14:20I booked a spectacular cruise
01:14:22Where everything was planned
01:14:23Down to the last little ice sculpture
01:14:25It was going to be heaven
01:14:25Gording ourselves on a floating hotel
01:14:27Suffering through hideous dinner theater
01:14:29With people you have to pretend you like
01:14:31I'd rather jump off a bridge
01:14:32Jump
01:14:33Jump down
01:14:34Jump off the ledge
01:14:35I'm flying to Rome
01:14:36That's it
01:14:37I'm flying to Rome
01:14:38I'm going to rent a car
01:14:39And just drive
01:14:41See where the wind takes me
01:14:42Free
01:14:43So there you have it
01:14:44We wanted you to know
01:14:45Your father's lots is mine
01:14:46Thinks he's a bird
01:14:47And damn proud of it
01:14:48By the way, sweetheart
01:14:49How's Jeff?
01:14:51Oh
01:14:52Uh
01:14:53He's
01:14:54Oh
01:14:55Please don't tell me
01:14:57You somehow managed to lose
01:14:58The best thing I've ever had
01:14:59Jeff's super
01:14:59He's great, okay
01:15:01You don't need to worry about us
01:15:02We're fine
01:15:02Fabulous
01:15:04Honey, why are you crying?
01:15:07Tears of joy?
01:15:09I can't take this anymore
01:15:10I'm out
01:15:11Jump
01:15:11Dump
01:15:12Dry
01:15:12Who cares?
01:15:21Hey, Jeff
01:15:22Hi, Jeff
01:15:23Hey, Jeff
01:15:24Maybe don't wink
01:15:28Okay
01:15:28Don't do that
01:15:29Okay
01:15:29Hey
01:15:30Hey, Jeff
01:15:31Jeff
01:15:32I'm wearing that little black dress
01:15:35You bought me
01:15:36Hello, sister
01:15:40How are you?
01:15:42What?
01:15:45Dad
01:15:52Are you okay?
01:15:53I'm fine
01:15:53I'm fine
01:15:54Honey, it was just precautionary
01:15:56You said chest pains
01:15:57His EKG is normal
01:15:59The doctors think it was just a panic attack
01:16:01I thought
01:16:02I thought I was gonna lose you
01:16:03I don't wanna lose you
01:16:04You're not gonna lose me
01:16:05I'm fine
01:16:07I'm fine, sweetheart
01:16:08I promise
01:16:09Okay
01:16:09That's good
01:16:10Yeah
01:16:10But listen
01:16:11Your mother and I
01:16:12Are still going to
01:16:13Go on a long cruise
01:16:16Well
01:16:18I'm not entirely opposed
01:16:19To flying to Rome
01:16:20And running a car
01:16:21But I want reservations
01:16:23For at least the first few nights
01:16:25See what I have to do
01:16:26To get my way?
01:16:27Chloe
01:16:27I know I've been rough on you
01:16:30Way too rough
01:16:32It's only because
01:16:34I love you so much
01:16:35I always wanted so much for you
01:16:36I guess I knew that
01:16:37But it's really nice
01:16:39To hear you say it
01:16:39Dad, please take care of yourself
01:16:42Hey, I'm getting older
01:16:44But I've got you three
01:16:45You sure do
01:16:46You look really pretty tonight
01:16:47You're going out on a date
01:16:48You're going to a party
01:16:49You're going to a party, right?
01:16:50Go on
01:16:51Go, go
01:16:51Go, honey
01:16:52No, I'm not
01:16:53I'm not leaving you
01:16:53I'm gonna stay here
01:16:54And I'm gonna take care of you
01:16:56Go
01:16:56Go live the life
01:16:58I no longer have
01:16:59Okay
01:17:00I'll see you tomorrow
01:17:01I love you
01:17:02I love you too
01:17:03Aw
01:17:04We love you, baby
01:17:05Okay, mom
01:17:05You got one too
01:17:06Go, go, go, go, go, go
01:17:08Have fun
01:17:08There's a part of me
01:17:12That wants to let go
01:17:13Run away from everything
01:17:16That I know
01:17:17Getting ready
01:17:19Good
01:17:19On my new shoes
01:17:21We dress
01:17:22New face
01:17:23We were waking
01:17:26Out of the room
01:17:28Now run
01:17:29Party like
01:17:30We're gonna live forever
01:17:32Feel the song
01:17:34Is blasting
01:17:34Through the stereo
01:17:36Don't call us here
01:17:37Let's go
01:17:38I love you
01:17:39Have you seen Jeff?
01:17:41No, but have you seen me there?
01:17:44Hey, finally broke up with that bitch
01:17:46Have you seen Jeff?
01:17:49No
01:17:49Chloe
01:17:51Almost midnight
01:17:52Do you, uh
01:17:53You want to
01:17:55Do you
01:17:56Merry Christmas?
01:18:00Oh, happy birthday
01:18:02What?
01:18:04Jeff Goldblum?
01:18:05Chloe
01:18:05I just threw up spaghetti
01:18:07What?
01:18:08Okay
01:18:08Wait, wait, wait
01:18:09I didn't eat spaghetti
01:18:10Oh my god
01:18:11Check it out
01:18:13You ever seen these before?
01:18:15Ready?
01:18:15Ready?
01:18:15Ready?
01:18:15Four
01:18:16Three
01:18:17Two
01:18:18Two
01:18:18One
01:18:19Who is
01:18:20Yeah
01:18:21I'm
01:18:24Thank you
01:18:25For my
01:18:25To be
01:18:27Happy New Year, Jeff.
01:18:30Yeah, happy New Year.
01:18:38I'm the luckiest girl in the world, and today is the best day of my life.
01:18:46Give me your inside soul, gibber's moon.
01:18:50I need your help tonight.
01:18:52I got a hunch, you know, just where you're heading.
01:19:02Say you'll be back by here and soon, bathing me in your life.
01:19:09Your father has decided he wants a closed marriage.
01:19:12Well, how about you? What do you want?
01:19:13Me? I'd like a few more tennis lessons, but I shall abstain.
01:19:21Hi, Mom.
01:19:21Hi, sweetie.
01:19:22You're not going to believe this, but we've been driving to Italy,
01:19:25going from town to town, staying in the most darling places.
01:19:28What about you, Jeffy? Have you talked to Chloe?
01:19:31Yeah, she's, um, great.
01:19:34Yeah, look, Mom, I gotta go.
01:19:37Okay, bye-bye.
01:19:44Your father's been very horny.
01:19:47Oh, my God, we've had so much sex, I can barely walk.
01:19:49Okay, okay, okay, Mom. Great, great, great, great, great, great, great.
01:19:52I do not need to hear any of that.
01:19:54Honey, put the pants on. I'm sorry, your father.
01:19:58Um, we don't know, sweetie, but it's beautiful.
01:20:00We were having the best time. We don't even care.
01:20:03How are you, sweetheart? Have you heard some jazz?
01:20:06No. Not at all.
01:20:08I'm sorry. I'm sorry I brought it up.
01:20:10It's okay. Have fun in Italy.
01:20:12I can barely walk, but...
01:20:14You said that already.
01:20:16Okay, I'm hanging up now.
01:20:19You might get home with a little brother.
01:20:21No, stop. Okay, I'm hanging up. Bye.
01:20:23Have a good day.
01:20:26I don't know what to say other than, please stay, stick around, and I'll show you what you deserve.
01:20:51You are so beautiful, oh, I hope you know that's the way I feel.
01:21:02She was never right for you.
01:21:03I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this is for the best, trust me.
01:21:08And I need this on my desk first thing in the morning.
01:21:11I don't care how late you got to stay to get it done.
01:21:12Just get it done, okay?
01:21:14Something true.
01:21:16You got it.
01:21:16Something true to hold on to
01:21:23For dear, dear life
01:21:29You are my dear
01:21:33When you are here
01:21:37There's nothing else
01:21:39Thank you all for being here.
01:21:42This song is called Something About You.
01:21:44Where you going?
01:21:51Jeff!
01:21:52It is one
01:21:54So it feels
01:21:57So I have to say
01:22:02Thank you
01:22:05Thank you for showing me how to be me
01:22:16Oh, I am me
01:22:20When I'm next to you
01:22:23Can't you see?
01:22:27It's true
01:22:30It's true
01:22:30It's true
01:22:31I would not lie to you
01:22:34Thank you
01:22:36Thank you
01:22:38Thank you
01:22:42Thank you
01:22:42Thank you
01:22:44Oh, you went full mime on Valentine's Day.
01:23:10That's nice.
01:23:12Oh, your heart's beating.
01:23:14Yeah.
01:23:16So anyway, with my new job and your wealth management skills, we're going to make a great team.
01:23:22We could have like ten kids, babe.
01:23:25Yeah.
01:23:30Aw, for me?
01:23:31A card?
01:23:34Happy Valentine's Day.
01:23:36Be mine.
01:23:37Ha!
01:23:38That's nice.
01:23:40Thanks.
01:23:40What's wrong?
01:23:44Did I say something?
01:23:45Uh, no.
01:23:47No, it's great.
01:23:49Everything's great.
01:23:51Baby, I got you a Valentine's present.
01:23:59Chloe?
01:23:59Jeff.
01:24:02You came to our place.
01:24:04So did you.
01:24:05I sang.
01:24:06Had open mic night.
01:24:07I know.
01:24:08You do?
01:24:08Yeah.
01:24:09How do you know?
01:24:10I was there.
01:24:10You were?
01:24:11Yeah.
01:24:12I was there.
01:24:13I was going to come up and congratulate you, but then I saw you with him.
01:24:17I know.
01:24:19That song, when I was singing it, it was about you.
01:24:21I was thinking about you the whole time.
01:24:24It's always been you.
01:24:25I've never wanted to be with anybody else.
01:24:29And I don't, I don't care if we pretend.
01:24:31No, I don't, I don't want to pretend.
01:24:33Okay?
01:24:34It's real.
01:24:35I don't ever want to be away from you.
01:24:37You make me better.
01:24:40I've been so immature.
01:24:41I will grow up.
01:24:42No.
01:24:42I'll grow up.
01:24:43I can grow up.
01:24:44No, don't.
01:24:45Growing up is stupid.
01:24:46I want to go back to being a kid with you.
01:24:49You do?
01:24:50Yeah, I do.
01:24:51We can even go to clown school if you want.
01:24:52Really?
01:24:53Yeah.
01:24:53Okay.
01:24:59I love you.
01:25:04I love you, Chloe.
01:25:07I love you.
01:25:16I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
01:25:24And today is the best day of my life.
01:25:30What the hell, Jeff?
01:25:32We're all traveling down this lonely road.
01:25:50We're all tumbling in the tights.
01:25:55We're all tumbling in the tights.
01:25:58I'm here to simply let you know I'll be right by your side.
01:26:07We all hear that voice inside our souls.
01:26:13The wind whispers in the night.
01:26:16Whatever lies on this old winding road.
01:26:22I'll be right by your side.
01:26:28Oh, oh, oh.
01:26:31Don't have to face this world alone.
01:26:34Oh, oh, oh.
01:26:36I'll be the place that you go home.
01:26:40Oh, oh, oh.
01:26:41The pages turn and years go by.
01:26:46And I'll be right by your side.
01:26:53A hundred books can tell you what to do.
01:26:58A thousand songs that still rhyme.
01:27:04Be yourself and keep your heart true.
01:27:08I'll be right by your side.
01:27:13I'll be right by your side.
01:27:14Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:27:16Don't have to face this world alone.
01:27:20Oh, oh, oh.
01:27:22I'll be the place that you go home.
01:27:25Oh, oh, oh.
01:27:27The pages turn and years go by.
01:27:31And I'll be right by your side.
01:27:36It doesn't matter where we choose to plan our minds
01:27:42We're always lost around in each other's life
01:27:46From the shelter of your open arms
01:27:53You look into my eyes
01:27:58And say, oh, oh, oh, oh
01:28:01Don't have to face this one
01:28:04Oh, oh, oh, I'll be in the place that you go
01:28:10Oh, oh, oh, they just turn and years go by
01:28:16I'll be right by your side
01:28:21I'll be right by your side
01:28:34I'll be right back
01:28:40I'll be right back
01:28:45I'll be right back
01:28:50I'll be right back
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