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Transcript
00:00Stop moving! Hands up!
00:16Easy, soldier. Have some coffee?
00:19I swear that's freaking my balls.
00:21This is a restricted military facility.
00:23Turn around and walk away, or I'll warm you up by unloading my clippers.
00:28It'll be a monumentally stupid thing to do.
00:30Let General Allen know that I'm here.
00:32Step aside, soldier.
00:34General Allen, huh?
00:36Who do you think you are?
00:38Damn president.
00:40The general doesn't take walk-ins by random man in busy suits.
00:44Back the fuck up, or I'll take you guys.
00:58What the hell are you doing, soldier?
01:08Sir, this con man was trying to talk his way to our secure facility.
01:14Con man, this is Damian Blaine, CEO of Atlas Defense Group.
01:18Our top military contractor.
01:20He single-handedly controls the global arms trade.
01:24You fucking fool!
01:26I'm sorry, sir.
01:27I'm a fool, sir.
01:29Please, sir.
01:31Forgive me for my stupidity.
01:33At ease, soldier.
01:34Step aside.
01:35Gentlemen, your arsenal's best intercontinental ballistic missile takes 27 minutes to reach its target across the border.
01:50Give me our enemies 27 minutes to prepare and launch retaliatory strikes.
01:54It's a weak spot, but we can't do it exactly.
01:57It's impossible.
01:58Impossible isn't in my vocabulary.
02:01We can do better.
02:03I have.
02:05I got it down from 27 minutes to only three.
02:10I thought you'd be skeptical.
02:13So how about a show and tell?
02:15Gentlemen, I present to you a Titan missile.
02:18Now you can strike anywhere in the world in just three minutes.
02:22You can get it, sir.
02:23We'll take it.
02:24No matter the cost, we'll take it out.
02:25I thought you'd say so.
02:26Good.
02:27Now, before you've written, the President would like to host you for dinner.
02:42Well, I'm honored, but please tell the President I'm unavailable.
02:45Tonight, I have other plans.
02:47You're standing up, President.
02:49What plans could be more important?
02:52Well, General, as you can imagine, I sell weapons for a living.
02:56And my father's worried that I'll die single.
02:58So tonight, I'm going on a date to find my future wife.
03:02When we get married and merge our family companies, your Olsen group will double its value.
03:15And it's a win-win for me.
03:18Because I get richer and get to bone a hottie like you anytime I want.
03:24My father is forcing me to find a rich husband, but it won't be an immature frat boy like you trying to leech off my family.
03:37Get lost, creeps.
03:38Spoiled bitch!
03:39Whatever.
03:44So, what do you do for a living?
03:47Well, I'm...
03:49My father's demanding I settle down.
03:51But I don't want a wife when he wants me for my money.
03:54I'm in sales.
03:55What about you, Sarah?
03:57Sales?
03:58How much do you make?
04:00But does that really matter?
04:02Yeah.
04:04Okay.
04:06Um...
04:07In a good year, 50 or 60...
04:0960 grand!
04:11Good lord, you...
04:13You can't even get a one-bedroom rental on that.
04:17Oh.
04:18I cannot believe my daddy set me up with someone so...
04:23Poor.
04:24Why don't we get to know each other a bit before discussing money?
04:28Pass.
04:29Money's the only thing that matters.
04:32What a waste of my time.
04:34I passed up dinner with the president for this day.
04:37Talk about a waste of time.
04:39And I meant 50 or 60 million.
04:48Had a bad date, huh?
04:50Tell me about it.
04:52I threw a drink in his face.
04:54My father is going to be furious and cut me off unless...
04:58I was just starting to like your smile.
05:01And he'll cut you off unless?
05:04This might sound crazy, but...
05:08I would make it worth your while.
05:11Would you want to...
05:12Get married?
05:15Married.
05:17You really bring new meaning to moving fast on the first day.
05:20Oh?
05:21Is this a date?
05:23It is a Friday night.
05:24It's a really nice place and...
05:27You look fantastic.
05:30This is the best date I've had in ages.
05:33Okay.
05:34Since it's a date, I'll get right to the getting to know me phase.
05:38My family's business is struggling.
05:40My father, a very traditional man, has got it in his head that the solution to our problems is marrying me off to some rich snob.
05:48I'm flattered, but what makes you think I fit the rich man profile?
05:53Doesn't matter.
05:54I don't care how much you make.
05:56I just need to get married to get my parents out of my back while I fix our business.
06:00On track marriage.
06:02Huh.
06:03That could work too.
06:04I know it's a crazy thing to ask, but I could pay you $10,000.
06:09All you'd have to do is play along and...
06:11That won't be necessary.
06:13I'd marry you for free.
06:19So I suppose my soon-to-be wife should know my name.
06:23I'm Damien.
06:24Iris Olsen.
06:26Pleasure to meet you.
06:27Pleasure to meet you.
06:28I hope you don't have any Christmas plans.
06:31Because as my fiance, I need you to come meet my family.
06:38Mr. Damien, Merry Christmas.
06:40Merry Christmas.
06:41These are the Christmas gifts that you got for the Olsen's.
06:44They're worth hundreds of millions, so please let me securely deliver them to them.
06:48No need.
06:49I deliver them myself.
06:50Uh, but this is a company SUV.
06:53I'm a little confused.
06:55You're the Olsen's honored guest, and they didn't get you a car?
06:58Do they realize who you are?
07:00I haven't met the family or told them who I am yet.
07:02That's how I want it.
07:04I want them to know me for me, rather than my money.
07:07All right.
07:08Whatever you say, sir.
07:09Yes?
07:10And you are?
07:11Mom.
07:12This is my husband.
07:13We were just talking about you.
07:14Merry Christmas, ma'am.
07:15I'm Damien.
07:16I was hoping it was all a bad dream, but you're really here.
07:17My daughter really married a poor salesman.
07:18Mom.
07:19Be respectful.
07:20I like him.
07:21Oh.
07:22This is Olsen.
07:23You're looking as gluttly as ever.
07:24Oh, Marcus.
07:26You're looking as gluttly as ever.
07:27Oh, Marcus.
07:28What a lovely surprise.
07:29I didn't know you'd arrived.
07:30Um.
07:31Um.
07:32What was your name again?
07:33What was your name again?
07:34Sorry.
07:35I'm sorry.
07:36You're looking as gluttly as ever.
07:37Oh, Marcus.
07:38What a lovely surprise.
07:39I didn't know you'd arrived.
07:44Um.
07:45Um.
07:46What was your name again?
07:47Salesman.
07:48Oh, Damien.
07:49Yes, Damien.
07:50You should be honored.
07:51This is Marcus Walton.
07:52Heir to the Walton Group.
07:53And the only man worthy of marrying my daughter.
07:55Oh.
07:56Oh.
07:57Oh.
07:58Oh.
07:59Oh.
08:00Oh.
08:01Oh.
08:02Oh.
08:03Oh.
08:04Oh.
08:05Oh.
08:06Oh.
08:07Oh.
08:08Oh.
08:09Oh.
08:10Oh.
08:11Oh.
08:12Oh.
08:13Oh.
08:14Oh.
08:15Oh.
08:16Oh.
08:17Oh.
08:18Oh.
08:19Oh.
08:20Oh.
08:21Oh.
08:22Oh.
08:23Oh.
08:24Oh.
08:25Oh.
08:26Oh.
08:27Oh.
08:28Oh.
08:29Oh.
08:30Oh.
08:31Oh.
08:32Oh.
08:33Oh.
08:34Oh.
08:35Oh.
08:36Oh.
08:37Oh.
08:38Oh.
08:39Oh.
08:40Oh.
08:41Oh.
08:42Oh.
08:43over a million dollars a month.
08:46You could probably never earn that much in an entire year.
08:50You'd be surprised.
08:52I'm sorry, Damien, this isn't-
08:54Don't bother, Mrs. Olsen.
08:56There's no point in trying to explain anything
08:59to someone like him.
09:01You're right, Marcus.
09:03Let's not waste our thoughts on such negative things.
09:06It's Christmas!
09:07It's Christmas.
09:08I'm sorry, Marcus is the douchebag my parents want me to marry.
09:16They only care about being rich and they hate people who aren't.
09:20That's why my mom's being rude to you.
09:22They have no idea what being rich means.
09:25Damien, are you upset?
09:27Please, you're not gonna back out of this, right?
09:29Oh, no, no, no.
09:30I'm all in.
09:32When I make a promise, I plan to keep it.
09:35I'd never scare you like that.
09:37I mean, unless you consented first.
09:43If we get through this day with my family, I'll consent to anything.
09:50And I'll even throw in an extra grand for putting up with my family.
09:54Well, I'm looking forward to it, but Iris, I really don't need your money.
09:59I'm good.
10:00Iris, did you know Marcus is working on a deal with Harvey Lambert?
10:07No, Mom.
10:08I didn't.
10:09Because I don't even know who Mr. Lambert is.
10:12Harvey Lambert?
10:13He's only the second command, the world's largest defense contractor, Atlas.
10:23And with Mr. Lambert's support, we're gonna take the Walden Group worldwide and quadruple our profits.
10:33Oh, you see, Iris, Marcus is very impressive.
10:37He's a mover and a shaker.
10:39He's the kind of man you should marry, not this salesman who could probably never get an appointment with someone as powerful as Harvey Lambert.
10:49I didn't realize Harvey was such a big deal to people outside the military.
10:53Harvey?
10:55In this house, we show respect.
10:58And you are not on a first-name basis with a man like...
11:02Oh, but I am.
11:04Harvey's an old friend.
11:09An old friend.
11:12That's not possible.
11:14Marcus, he's just a salesman.
11:16He's just making stuff up so he doesn't look bad in front of Iris.
11:22On the contrary.
11:23I feel bad for you, Iris.
11:25Not only is your husband unsuccessful, he's a compulsive liar.
11:31Shame.
11:32But don't worry, darling.
11:33If he's strapped for cash, I could hook him up.
11:36I'm fine.
11:39Oh, it's Christmas time.
11:41I could hook you up with a, uh, big boy job.
11:47You can clean toilets at my company.
11:49If you're lucky, he might just catch a glimpse of, uh, your old friend as he's leaving the bathroom.
11:57Marcus, stop it.
11:59I don't care that Damien is poor.
12:01He's much more of a man than you'll ever be.
12:04And I won't let you insult him like this.
12:08Thanks, babe.
12:10But...
12:11Don't worry.
12:12They've got me all wrong.
12:14I actually, uh...
12:16What a whole place.
12:17Uh, father is discussing business with Mr. Lambert.
12:28What a perfect way to prove that you're a liar.
12:31Dad?
12:32What?
12:33Mr. Lambert wants me to be there in person?
12:36I'll leave right away.
12:38Mr. Lambert isn't there yet, but, uh, he'd like me to join him.
12:41I'll just, uh, confirm with your old friend, Harvey, that he's never met you before.
12:49No.
12:50You liar.
12:51Can't wait.
12:52And when you're ready to apologize, you know where to find me.
12:59You'll be apologizing to me.
13:01All right, well, Mrs. Olsen, Iris, I'm afraid I have to chat, but I have, uh, business to conduct.
13:09Don't worry, Alfie.
13:11Back with your Christmas kiss.
13:18Iris, how could you have been so rude to Marcus?
13:22And Damien, you liar.
13:25Mom, stop it.
13:26We're gonna be late for Christmas at grandpa's.
13:28Let's just go.
13:37Merry Christmas, Amanda.
13:38Merry Christmas, cousin.
13:39I am so glad you did not bring that pathetic Liz.
13:44Merry Christmas.
13:51Merry Christmas, family.
13:53Who's this Rando?
13:54You must be Tom.
13:55Hi, I'm Damien.
13:57Iris' husband.
13:58Oh, you're the broke salesman who married Iris without even bothering to meet the family first?
14:07Oh, he doesn't care about Iris.
14:09He just married her for our money.
14:11Listen, guy.
14:13We all have a stake in this family business.
14:15You can't just waltz in here with Iris and steal it from us.
14:18I told you, Iris, darling.
14:19Bringing this freeloader home was a mistake.
14:23Enough.
14:24It's Christmas.
14:25If you all can't be decent, my husband and I are gonna have to leave.
14:29Iris, don't be like that.
14:30We're just joking.
14:31You're the guest of honor tonight.
14:33You can't leave.
14:34Come on, come here.
14:43I'm sorry, Damien.
14:44My family's business is in trouble.
14:46And they were counting on Marcus to save us by marrying me off to him first.
14:50It's nothing personal.
14:51They just see you as standing in front of their money.
14:54It's amusing, actually.
14:55They're so against me, but they don't know anything about me.
14:59I know everything I need to know about you.
15:04Unlike the men they want me to be with, you're a good guy.
15:07You're doing great.
15:08This is the best few grand I've ever spent.
15:10Well, I'm just keeping my promise.
15:12And Iris, I really don't need your money.
15:17I'm having a really good time with you.
15:19You're special.
15:21And I feel bad.
15:22In a rush to get married, we never consummated our relationship.
15:27But maybe later tonight we can...
15:32Auntie Iris!
15:34Uh, who's that?
15:35Hi, Leslie.
15:36This is my new husband, Damien.
15:38Damien, this is my niece, Leslie.
15:40Merry Christmas, Uncle Damien.
15:42Merry Christmas, kiddo.
15:44I didn't know you had a niece.
15:45I wouldn't have brought her a gift.
15:47Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!
15:49Whoa.
15:50Uncle Damien, my money gone's empty.
15:52Can you give me some money to fill it up for Christmas?
15:55Oh, honey.
15:57You're asking the wrong man.
15:58He's just a broke, small town loser.
16:01He doesn't have any cash for you.
16:02Do you, Damien?
16:03Leslie, Damien can't afford it.
16:06Daddy, what's a broke loser?
16:09Oh, it's just someone who's stupid and lazy and doesn't have enough to eat.
16:16Sounds sad, right?
16:17Oh no, I'm really sorry, Uncle Damien.
16:19I shouldn't have asked.
16:21Tom.
16:22Leslie, your dad is joking.
16:24But maybe instead of something that costs money, Uncle Damien could take you somewhere.
16:28Leslie, I'd love to fill your money gone.
16:30But I don't have any cash on me.
16:33But if you take this to the bank, they'll fill it up for you.
16:36Oh, Damien.
16:38You know the bank won't bother cashing a check that's worth less than the paper that it's printed on.
16:4450 grand.
16:46$50,000?
16:48Where'd you get this kind of money?
16:50Can't be right, unless...
16:53Damien, I don't know where you're from, but in the real world, writing a bad check is a crime.
16:58I knew it.
16:59He doesn't have this kind of money.
17:01He's just trying to show off.
17:03This check is worthless.
17:06It's not Leslie.
17:07Cash the check.
17:11This idiot's clothes don't even have a brand.
17:14If you're going to pretend to be rich, try investing in some nicer clothes instead of these cheap knockoffs.
17:19Cheap, huh? This is custom made, thank you.
17:21Damien, you are an embarrassment to this family.
17:24Lying to a child to protect your poor ego.
17:29How awful.
17:31You know, I was curious why your family's business was failing.
17:34But now I see why.
17:36You guys all jump to conclusions and you can't see the truth when it's right in front of your face.
17:41You think I'm some poor loser?
17:44Prove it.
17:45Cash the check.
17:46Take it to the bank.
17:47And when you're ready to apologize, my wife and I will be here waiting.
17:51And when the check balances?
17:52It won't.
17:56This is a family Christmas.
17:58And I'm done wasting my time on this loser.
18:01Agreed.
18:02Tom, help me with this.
18:04I need a drink.
18:11Who brought these Christmas gifts?
18:13They're from Damien.
18:15It's just a few gifts I got for the family.
18:17We can open them up during dinner.
18:18I really don't want to upset Dad during dinner, so I'd better check him out to make sure they're not too cheap or offensive.
18:23I know.
18:24Hey, tough guy.
18:25What, are you embarrassed about your Christmas gifts?
18:28What is this fuss about?
18:30Huh?
18:31Grandpa.
18:33This is my husband Damien.
18:35The one I told you about.
18:37Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
18:38Good, good.
18:39Not too tall, but handsome.
18:42You two make a lovely couple.
18:44Hey, Dad, what are you doing?
18:46Shouldn't you be resting?
18:47I couldn't wait to see my precious granddaughter.
18:51Is that a problem?
18:56Grandpa, everyone, dinner's ready.
18:58Can I help you, little girl?
19:22I'm here to get some cash from my uncle.
19:24My dad said it's fake, but my uncle Damien said it's real, and he's a nice guy.
19:31Can you help me cash it?
19:33Fifty thousand dollars?
19:35I think your uncle's playing a trick on you.
19:40I'm sorry.
19:42I didn't know.
19:43This is authentic.
19:44I'll get your cash now.
19:45Iris, where can I find a chair?
19:51Oh, you want a seat at our table when nobody wants you here?
19:56He's Iris' husband.
19:58Why don't you?
19:59Grandpa, we didn't even know Iris was married.
20:02It was random.
20:04Aren't you a little concerned that he could be coming for our family as well?
20:06Damien isn't like that.
20:08Iris, we're just looking out for you, okay?
20:10I mean seriously, a guy like this, marrying the CEO of the Olsen Group?
20:15If he's not after our money, why else would he be here?
20:20That's enough.
20:22It's Christmas dinner.
20:24Everyone.
20:25Be respectful.
20:27Damien, I got you a present.
20:28I think someone confused me for the dog.
20:42Good one, sis.
20:45Iris, your husband's just been begging like a pathetic dog for our family fortune.
20:51We're gonna treat him like one.
20:52Amanda, is this some kind of a joke?
20:54Actually, I'm not hungry.
20:55Oh, you won't eat the food we give you.
20:58You ungrateful little gold digger.
21:01I'm confused.
21:03Okay, Grandpa, let me explain to you what everyone's thinking here.
21:07Damien doesn't deserve Iris.
21:09Not even a little.
21:11He tried to scam my daughter with a fake check.
21:13He's a terrible role model and a liar!
21:17Merry Christmas!
21:18Merry Christmas!
21:24The check was real, Dad!
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