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Short filmTranscript
00:00That's Rob Jason Donovan with too many broken hearts.
00:04Remember this? Remember the pressure?
00:09Zip it, Gabby Davis. You're talking over Sonya.
00:11Play and record. Together.
00:14Don't get the DJ in.
00:18Got it.
00:20That was close.
00:46Christine, I had to show you before the party.
00:50New raspberry range.
00:52They have never done colours like this before. Stunning.
00:55You're going door to door? Someone's desperate for commission.
00:58I'm not doing this for commission, Christine. I'm doing it for you.
01:00I've seen the inside of your fridge.
01:01Chicken drumsticks sat on the shelf there without so much as a bit of cling round it.
01:05Why are you sniffling round my fridge like a truffle pig?
01:07Well, anyway, I've got plenty of Tupperware.
01:09Oh, pink?
01:11Raspberry range.
01:12About a 12-inch?
01:14Compartments.
01:15The dips.
01:17We need this.
01:19I was, um, thinking of inviting Jez Saturday night.
01:21Bit of a welcome to the close.
01:23What's a bloke want with a Tupperware party, Christine?
01:25Well, I just thought he seems quite...
01:28Organised.
01:29Well, he might be, but this is a night for the girlies.
01:31I'm going.
01:32Just thought it might be nice to invite him.
01:34Christine, us ladies don't have much in this world, yeah?
01:37But these...
01:39These airtight stackable containers in an assortment of colours, shapes and sizes.
01:43These are ours, yeah.
01:45We're storing more than nibbles in there.
01:48We're storing love.
01:49Hopes and dreams.
01:51Plains and...
01:52Oh, God.
01:53It was just a thought.
01:54And anyway, he seems quite flush.
01:55He might have had a big order.
01:56Well, I'll pop round and show him now.
01:58But he's not coming Saturday.
02:00Ladies night.
02:01And me.
02:02As I said.
02:03Oi!
02:04Dad's on the telly!
02:05Has a run of bad results affected the team's morale?
02:08Well, no-one wants to lose that many games in a season.
02:1222.
02:15But...
02:16Let's not forget we did well last season.
02:18We've got form.
02:20We've just got to find it again.
02:21How are the boys feeling?
02:22My boys know they have my unconditional support.
02:26But you've got to keep working.
02:27I think you've worked hard enough today.
02:28I'll let you get home.
02:29No need.
02:30There's nowhere I'd rather be.
02:32Oh, charming.
02:34Trolled by my dad and on regional TV.
02:37Right, love.
02:43Did you watch it?
02:44Look East.
02:45Yeah, I did.
02:46How did I come across?
02:47Yeah, good.
02:48Really good.
02:50It's just...
02:53Sometimes, the way you talk about the players,
02:55your boys, there's nowhere you'd rather be,
02:57well, I think it upsets Alan a bit.
03:00What do you mean?
03:02Well, you've got two boys at home.
03:03Oh, give over.
03:04It's totally different.
03:05I just think you can make more of an effort.
03:07Especially with Alan.
03:08I'm always making an effort.
03:11I watched that detective woman cycling around with a typewriter.
03:15Murder, she wrote.
03:16I don't know what she was writing.
03:18But I watched a double bill last week for his birthday.
03:21His birthday's in June.
03:22Is it?
03:24Oh, that little...
03:25Graham!
03:26Christine, it's a two-way street.
03:28Now, he doesn't bother with me, I don't bother with him.
03:30We're both happy with that.
03:37Florence Nightingale was not just a nurse.
03:41My own dad didn't want to spend time with me and Angela called me a woman.
03:45But with double history, I could lose myself in ruffs and muffs.
03:50Alan, could you read Ms Nightingale's quote for us?
03:55The lady with the lamp.
03:57There she is.
03:58Isn't she just?
04:02Ugh, being camp's like having B.O.
04:05The more you flap your arms around, the worse it gets.
04:08I needed to mask it.
04:11And quick.
04:16Oh, how about I try a spritz of odour sport?
04:20Christine.
04:29Don't look now.
04:31But he's just picked up chute.
04:35He's reading chute.
04:37What is this, spring watch?
04:39I didn't tell him to, he just went for it all by himself.
04:42Should I go in and talk to him?
04:46Maybe just let him get his bearings first, yeah?
04:52No, no, no.
04:57Oh, Jeremy.
04:59Christine.
05:00Is there a chance that Alan's available tomorrow?
05:02Pip went over on her ankle and we need someone for our country dancing event.
05:05I know it's last minute, but no one do-si-dos quite like Alan.
05:09Look, I don't think you'll have to ask him twice.
05:11Oh, that is music to my ears.
05:13Alan, Mr Butterworth's here.
05:15What's a word?
05:17There he is.
05:19My hero.
05:20You wouldn't step in last minute.
05:21Give us a couple of square sets tomorrow.
05:23Is this the devil himself tempting me?
05:25I love country dancing!
05:26No.
05:28He's playing hard to get.
05:29Alan, go and get your Anki.
05:31I'm busy tomorrow.
05:32Since when?
05:33I'm going to watch The Cobblers with my dad.
05:35Are you?
05:37You'll have to try someone else.
05:39What about Felix?
05:40He loves country dancing and he makes his own costumes.
05:42I tried, but he changed his name after the smear campaign.
05:46He's in a safe house in Rushton.
05:49Oh.
05:50Come on!
05:51Pop those plimsolls on for us!
05:52Look, Mr Butterworth, he said no.
05:54And he's going to watch the football with his old man like every other boy his age.
05:57And he can find some other clown.
05:59This time tomorrow I will be chanting on the terraces for my team against...
06:05Are you playing again?
06:06Preston, away.
06:08Preston away.
06:09Away?!
06:10Yeah.
06:11Yeah, we're going to have to stay over.
06:13M6 on a Saturday.
06:15Forget it.
06:16But I'm going to miss my Tupperware party.
06:19Right.
06:20Is everybody here?
06:21Here, Mum.
06:22This is the bridge.
06:23That's it.
06:24Where's the dude?
06:25It's on my back.
06:26Let's go.
06:27Oi, oi!
06:28Don't forget about little old me.
06:30What are you doing here?
06:31I'm getting on the party bus, son.
06:33It's not a party bus.
06:34It's a team bus.
06:35Christ's sake, Nick.
06:36This game's important.
06:38I got a free pass.
06:40The wife's in hospital for a week and I want to sample everything that...
06:44Where are we going?
06:46Preston.
06:47Away.
06:48And I want to sample everything that Preston away has to offer.
06:53Is that booze in that carrier?
06:55No.
06:56The lads need to focus.
06:57I promise you, Grey, you will not hear a peep out of me.
07:01Right.
07:06Right.
07:07Let's go.
07:08I've got three copies of Razzle and 200 Lambert and Butler duty free.
07:11Who's with me?
07:14Read your book.
07:15This was it.
07:17Quality time.
07:18Just me, my dad and all his other boys.
07:21His goalie, his strikers and those ones that hang around in the middle.
07:25It's the Cobblers.
07:26It's the Cobblers.
07:27They're just known as Northampton Town.
07:28Go on.
07:29Come on.
07:30Come on.
07:31Come on.
07:32Come on.
07:33Come on.
07:34Come on.
07:35Come on.
07:38Come on.
07:39Come on.
07:40Northampton Tower!
07:47Seeing my dad get abused reminded me of school,
07:50but he didn't have a kindly dinner lady to come to his aid.
08:00Sit down, Adam!
08:02Sit down, Adam!
08:06Thanks for that.
08:10All right, come on!
08:12Showtime!
08:14Graham Carr, you fat...
08:20Right, leave the nipples out. I'll check the score.
08:23Ah, C-fax.
08:25Come on, Northampton.
08:27Come on.
08:29Instant information.
08:31Well, if you were prepared to wait 15 minutes for the page to turn.
08:35Gary, you got me ashtray?
08:37And you better not be eating those criffs there for tonight.
08:41Well, come on, hurry up, quick.
08:44It's the next one.
08:54Come on!
08:55Come on!
08:59Dad?
09:00Yeah?
09:01Yeah, let's just go home.
09:02We're not coming back from 3-0.
09:04You might as well let bargains be bargains.
09:06Paddy, grab your spend.
09:07What are you talking about?
09:08Sit down, Adam.
09:11Right.
09:12Sud this for a game of monkeys.
09:14Er, I'll see you in the bar.
09:16Come on, Mike!
09:17Get it!
09:18Alfie!
09:19Er, left box on the yellow card.
09:21Get him in his face.
09:22Wind him up.
09:23Blime, you losers!
09:25Now!
09:26Shut up!
09:34Oh, they got another one.
09:36God.
09:374-0.
09:38He is not gonna be happy.
09:41Oh.
09:42Feels wrong having a party after that, doesn't it?
09:44Should we cancel it?
09:47Do you think we should?
09:49Oh.
09:50But we got all the stuff now.
09:51No.
09:52You know what?
09:53Your dad would want us to have a good time.
09:55He would.
09:56He'd say,
09:57You go and enjoy yourselves.
09:58Don't you worry about me.
10:01But if he asked, we cancelled it.
10:07Oh, that was awful.
10:09I've had it all booing.
10:12Man.
10:15Now I've got to spend a night in this dump.
10:26What is that?
10:27Portable potpourri.
10:28It's an essential.
10:29You never know when you might need to mask the smell of...
10:33feet.
10:35I need a beer.
10:36I'll get my wallet then.
10:37Oh, no, no, no.
10:39No, you're alright.
10:40I'll, er...
10:41I'll get one with the lads.
10:42Well, I'm one of your lads tonight, aren't I?
10:45We're meant to be spending quality time together.
10:48Yeah, we are.
10:52Yeah, we are.
10:53We are.
10:54Right, so, I've prepared 20 questions.
10:57I thought we could fill it out together, compare and contrast.
11:00So, question one.
11:01Oh, this is really long.
11:04But, er, no, no, you're right.
11:06It'll be good to, er, to catch up.
11:09You know, find out who your favourite female historical figure is.
11:14Er, I'll, er, I'll fill it in at the bar and, er, I'll see you down there.
11:18Yeah.
11:21All I needed was the love you gave.
11:25All I needed for another day.
11:29And all I ever knew.
11:33Only you.
11:37The perfect size for those on-the-go snacks.
11:39Gary, you're blocking my products, thank you.
11:41A handful of walnuts in there.
11:42A few cubes of cheese.
11:43You could fit two quarters of a sandwich top to toe.
11:45No, you couldn't.
11:46Yes, you could.
11:47Ladies, you open a packet of hobnobs.
11:48But you only want one.
11:49Who has one?
11:50You can have a pack of stale hobnobs on your hands.
11:53Or are you?
11:55Simply decant those hobbody knobs into a medium-sized tuck.
11:59Place the lid on like so.
12:01And they'll be keeping their crunch till Christmas.
12:02She's never getting a sandwich in there.
12:03A boogie sandwich is Marion.
12:04I'm not sure.
12:05I'm not sure.
12:06I'm not sure.
12:07I'm not sure.
12:08I'm not sure.
12:09I'm not sure.
12:10I'm not sure.
12:11I'm not sure.
12:12Look at your sandwiches, Marion.
12:13I'm talking about a bit of ham and lettuce, not a bloody rump steak.
12:15Anne, do you need to be on my puff for this?
12:17Smacked finish on the lids, ladies.
12:18Have a feel of that, Christine.
12:19I will.
12:20And you, Marion.
12:24Oh, that is smooth.
12:26Smooth, innit?
12:27Smooth back there.
12:28Right, question.
12:29No, you can't store wine in them.
12:32I've already got the ones with the red and the white lids.
12:35Yeah.
12:36What's the best deal you could do me for the blue?
12:38Now we're off, ladies.
12:39I know it sounds silly, but red, white and blue just makes me feel all patriotic.
12:42Do you know what, Christine?
12:43I do you two for one on the blue and I'll throw in a lemon squeezer.
12:47Have I got myself a deal?
12:51Deal.
12:52That is our first sale of the night, ladies.
12:54Oh, and you know what?
12:56Put me down for a round one.
12:58Because that would come in handy if I need to store something round, wouldn't it?
13:00Can you get your fingers out of that, Marion?
13:02You're making it all greasy.
13:03Do you know where that top would look good?
13:05Your bedroom floor.
13:06I've heard it.
13:07No.
13:08On a silky padded hanger.
13:11That's where I made my first meal.
13:13Silky padded hangers.
13:18Here's my card.
13:20You're a millionaire.
13:21What are you doing in this dump?
13:22I'm looking for a wife.
13:28I can see you're very excited to be the next Mrs Chalmers.
13:32So I want you to hold on to that thought while I go and siphon the python.
13:41Ah, another round for the lads, please, love.
13:44And one for yourself.
13:45And some crisps.
13:47Not that they deserve it.
13:49Poor bloody Nell.
13:50Aw, don't be too hard on them.
13:54But it's...
13:55I'll just paint you pulling in here.
13:59They keep putting the crisps too low.
14:02Have to bend down to get them.
14:04I have told them to move them, but...
14:07I think they should keep them where they are.
14:10I'm phoning them.
14:11What?
14:12No!
14:13No!
14:14It's just a bit of banter.
14:15It's just...
14:16Why?
14:17No!
14:18She started it!
14:19No, I'm...
14:20I'm going to phone Mum.
14:21See how the party's going.
14:22Oh!
14:23Great!
14:24That's great!
14:25Down to know if she's found anything for our malt, love.
14:28It's a bugger to keep moist.
14:29You all right, Christine?
14:30Yeah.
14:31Just...
14:32Just missing my Alan a bit.
14:33Where is he?
14:34Brownie.
14:35No, he's impressed him with his dad at the football.
14:36Staying overnight.
14:37They're not back till tomorrow.
14:38Well, Christine...
14:39Why didn't you say?
14:40Three words, ladies?
14:41P...
14:42P...
14:43P...
14:44D...
14:45D...
14:46D...
14:47D...
14:48D...
14:49D...
14:50While the cat is around, the mouse will slip into something more comfortable.
15:01Check out the quality of that pussycat bow, Diane.
15:03Does it wash?
15:04Does it?
15:05It's 100% polyester, that new one.
15:06Does it wash? Does it? It's 100% polyester, that.
15:10New one. Deviled egg!
15:12Oh! Very delicate cup.
15:14Gary! Bed!
15:16No, we've got a bad egg! Show us that.
15:27Tell me everything. Who made the guest list?
15:30Oh, hello, love. You ain't missing a thing.
15:32Really boring. Proper damp squib.
15:36That sounds it.
15:38Oh, I wish I was there with you.
15:40Oh, I know, darling, I know.
15:42Listen, I saw the result on C-fax. How is he?
15:45HE LAUGHS
15:47He's not himself.
15:48No. I bet he needs a cuddle.
15:50So that's what he needs.
15:52You know what? We're finishing up now,
15:53so I'm going to give you a ring before I go to bed.
15:55Top hat!
15:57What's your room number?
15:58Number? He's barely got a door. Never mind a number.
16:02All right, then, darling. All right. See you later.
16:04Bye, Mum.
16:05PHONE RINGS
16:06I could hear in her voice she'd bought that raspberry Tupperware range.
16:10Will that woman ever learn?
16:11HE CHUCKLES
16:13Oi, oi! Watch this, boys.
16:17Fire in your holes!
16:19Boom!
16:20HE LAUGHS
16:21Cos it was a grenade, wasn't it? Did you see it?
16:24I clocked it and out and out.
16:26Cos instead of saying fire in the hole,
16:28I said fire in your holes.
16:30Lighting the bum.
16:31Boom! Let's get the party started, eh?
16:34I've had a drink.
16:35HE LAUGHS
16:36Let's just go to bed.
16:37I'll pipe down, Adam.
16:39You're spoiling the mood.
16:41I'll take him up to bed.
16:43Oh.
16:43Only if you tuck me in after.
16:45Oh, God, this is getting very unsavoury.
16:50If I play my cards right, Adam.
16:51If I play my cards right.
16:54HE CHUCKLES
16:55I'm trying to run down here.
16:57Over your nipples unless you're buying pink.
16:59HE CHUCKLES
17:01HE CHUCKLES
17:03HE CHUCKLES
17:05HE CHUCKLES
17:06Oh, God!
17:07Oh, God!
17:08Shh!
17:09All right, hang on.
17:19They look nice on you, Chris.
17:21We're just trying on some bits.
17:25Go on, Nigel.
17:26Take them with you.
17:28Bloody hell, Chris.
17:30Actually, Nigel, can I have them back?
17:32No.
17:33I told you, Nigel, no voice allowed!
17:35Well, it sounds like you need a man in there
17:37to keep your girls in check.
17:39Well, if you know of any big strong boys...
17:41Oh, God.
17:42Maybe it's time to let the fox
17:44into the chicken coop.
17:46HE CHUCKLES
17:48HE CHUCKLES
17:49No, no.
17:50No, Nigel, we've got to go.
17:52We've got bin bag Diane.
17:54She's stuck in a corset
17:55and we've got to cut her out.
17:56OK, well...
17:58I was just checking in.
18:01Yeah, OK, I'm off.
18:05I can see your eyes through the letterbox now.
18:11Right, I'd like...
18:12I'd like to buy a drink
18:14for the best footballers in the league...
18:17when they get here.
18:18CHEERING
18:20Alan? Is there an Alan?
18:22Alan Carr?
18:23Adam Carr.
18:24Yeah, I'm Alan.
18:25I'm Alan.
18:26I'm Alan.
18:27I'm Alan.
18:28I'm Alan!
18:29I'm Alan!
18:30I'm Alan!
18:31I'm Alan!
18:32Ma'am?
18:33Oh, no, he's got to help me.
18:35It's not...
18:36It's not a witch's.
18:37Gary?
18:38I can't. It's Gary.
18:39Daddy.
18:40I can't. It's David.
18:41What's all that noise?
18:42What's going on there?
18:44I'm drinking tinside. I'm out of a vase.
18:46Hey!
18:47How are you doing there?
18:48Are you topping me in?
18:50Help!
18:51You're off to bed.
18:52Gary.
18:53Oh, I wish you'd have won, Alan.
19:10Look.
19:11You tried your best,
19:13and that crowd was harsh.
19:15You're not fair.
19:18You're just a little bit chunky.
19:21Oh, fair. It's fair.
19:22You know, the fans pay their money.
19:24They see their team giving us a good kicking.
19:26They're going to want to celebrate.
19:27You know, you can't take it personally.
19:30I mean, you can't, but you... you do.
19:32It's funny.
19:34I've always wanted you to be a footballer.
19:37But I'd hate for you to be called some of the names I get called.
19:44I mean, I can handle it.
19:45You know, I've got a thick skin, but you, you... you can, or...
19:50Well, I get called names all the time in school.
19:52What is he doing?
20:08He's, er...
20:11He's showing her his padded hanger.
20:15Oh.
20:19Dad?
20:20Yeah?
20:21What did that man say?
20:23What man?
20:24You know, at the football match when he got promoted.
20:27I know it's over a year ago, but...
20:29I've always wanted to ask.
20:31What did he say?
20:33Well...
20:35You know, there's a...
20:37There's a lot of people at a football game.
20:39Alan...
20:40Can't remember them all.
20:42No, but...
20:43You punched him.
20:45I saw you.
20:46We scored.
20:47And then you punched him.
20:49What did he say that was so bad?
20:51Was it...
20:54Was it something about me?
20:56I don't remember, son.
20:58Get some sleep.
21:00I do remember him.
21:10That man.
21:12I shouldn't have punched him.
21:15I know that, but...
21:17What he said...
21:19I couldn't have it.
21:24Alan, I couldn't have him talking about you like that.
21:28They are saying you were a...
21:36Oh, he still can't even say it.
21:37At least my son's not gay!
21:39Sticks in my throat.
21:47Right, and your old man's soft here.
21:50I want you to apologise, which is...
21:53No, I mean feet.
21:56What did you say?
21:57Feet?
21:58Yeah, it does smell like feet.
21:59It's like sleeping in a moccasin.
22:07Goodnight, son.
22:11Night, Dad!
22:12Sweet dreams, kiddo.
22:15But you'll never stop me from loving you.
22:19It doesn't really matter what you put me through.
22:23You'll never stop me from loving you.
22:29Oh, oh, oh.
22:31You'll never stop me from loving you.
22:35Wherever you can go, I will follow you.
22:39You will never stop me from loving you.
22:42Wherever you can go, I will follow you.
22:44You will never stop me from loving you.
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