- 2 days ago
A farm boy arrives at college determined to lose his virginity, but has no luck with women... until he discovers the secret formula to the most powerful aphrodesiac in the world and becomes the party animal.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:30CastingWords
00:01:59CastingWords
00:02:01CastingWords
00:02:09to get on the wrong side of a woman.
00:02:13Who would have ever thought it would turn out the way it did?
00:02:23Strangely enough, I was his best friend
00:02:25through the whole ordeal.
00:02:28I remember the first time I saw him driving up
00:02:32in the back of that turnip truck.
00:02:34I thought to myself, now there's a geek.
00:02:38But basically, he was just a very nice guy.
00:02:44He just had a one-track mind.
00:02:46He was obsessed.
00:02:48I went out with Pando once, and one time only.
00:02:53Never again.
00:02:55I'd heard about him, and everything I heard about him was true.
00:02:59And now he's famous.
00:03:01I don't believe it.
00:03:02No, no, I understand.
00:03:03I don't understand.
00:03:05Pando, Sinatra, no.
00:03:08There was something about him.
00:03:11I think it made me want to throw up.
00:03:15He was what you call in America a nerd.
00:03:19All this talk is like Pando was turned into this big myth or something.
00:03:23He was just an ordinary guy.
00:03:25He was very horny, yes, but he was an ordinary guy.
00:03:29I heard he was raised on a pig farm.
00:03:31I believe it.
00:03:32He wasn't that bad.
00:03:34I was the first one.
00:03:36It all started with me.
00:03:37I think I'm the one that should be famous, not him.
00:03:39Creep.
00:03:44I tried to introduce him to campus life.
00:03:48There were some amazing looking girls at this school.
00:03:51So much nervous time, my brains are on the load.
00:03:55There's too many other cars around me on the road.
00:04:00If I hear another boy can tickle, we'll explode.
00:04:03I tried to teach him about sports.
00:04:04I'm going mental.
00:04:07I'm going mental.
00:04:09I'm going mental.
00:04:11I'm going mental.
00:04:13Hey, hey, hey.
00:04:15I tried to teach him to walk like a stud.
00:04:20All good women playing with their greasy diesel toys.
00:04:22It was hopeless.
00:04:23I mean, everyone agreed.
00:04:24Mondo Sinatra was going to die a virgin.
00:04:28I never dreamed that it would turn out the way it did.
00:04:35Women hate me.
00:04:36That's ridiculous.
00:04:37I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass.
00:04:40Don't say that.
00:04:42It's true.
00:04:43Well, I know it might be true, but don't say it out loud.
00:04:46I'd sell myself for a piece of ass!
00:04:48Give it!
00:04:49I'm sorry you said that.
00:04:51Pondo, no!
00:04:52No!
00:04:53Pondo!
00:04:54Why not?
00:04:55I'm not that kind of a girl!
00:04:56Yes, you are.
00:04:57Pondo, stop it!
00:04:58Why?
00:04:59Oh!
00:05:00I don't know you well enough!
00:05:01Please.
00:05:02Why not?
00:05:03I'm not that kind of a girl!
00:05:04Yes, you are.
00:05:05Pondo, stop it!
00:05:06Why?
00:05:07Oh!
00:05:08I don't know you well enough!
00:05:09Please.
00:05:10No.
00:05:11I'm a virgin.
00:05:12Get used to it.
00:05:13Please.
00:05:14I've got to know what it's like.
00:05:15I'm going blind!
00:05:16Pondo, don't beg.
00:05:17I'm not!
00:05:18Drive me home.
00:05:19Bend over and I'll drive you home.
00:05:20That's disgusting!
00:05:21Don't go.
00:05:22I'm sorry.
00:05:23Please!
00:05:24Pondo, Sinatra, everything I've heard about you is true.
00:05:26You're an animal and you're disgusting and you're gross!
00:05:27Can I call you tomorrow?
00:05:28Seduction is an art.
00:05:30You make love, you create art.
00:05:33You, Pondo, you wage war, you understand?
00:05:35It is a war.
00:05:36It's hell.
00:05:37Old Pondo was 26 years old when he started to cut.
00:05:40Seduction is an art.
00:05:43You make love, you create art.
00:05:46You, Pondo, you wage war, you understand?
00:05:48It is a war.
00:05:50It's hell.
00:05:51Old Pondo was 26 years old when he started to college.
00:05:55Now, you've heard of a second-year senior.
00:05:58Well, old Pondo, he was a fifth-year senior.
00:06:03They finally held an election and booted the boy out.
00:06:10What's going on?
00:06:24Well, let's go!
00:06:30Let's go!
00:08:40Woo-er.
00:08:41Woo-er.
00:08:42Charm-er.
00:08:43Charm-er.
00:08:44Atmosphere, Pondo, set the stage.
00:08:47I'm going to take you on a great picnic.
00:08:56Yeah, Bob.
00:08:57Ever had a picnic?
00:08:58Oh, no.
00:08:59No.
00:09:00No.
00:09:01Look at the screen.
00:09:02Here we go.
00:09:03Baby Bob.
00:09:04Here we go.
00:09:05Oh, Natasha, here it is.
00:09:09This is so lovely.
00:09:11Look at the bands and the sky.
00:09:14Oh, Pondo, this is beautiful.
00:09:15And the sky, oh, Pando, this is beautiful.
00:09:20The flowers there like snow.
00:09:23Oh, Pando, this is so romantic.
00:09:27Just setting the stage.
00:09:29The stage?
00:09:30I love the theater.
00:09:32Oh, indeed.
00:09:34Your blocks, your stones, your worst and senseless things.
00:09:40Your creeks where dead man's fingers grow.
00:09:43Oh, brilliant, bravo.
00:09:47Testing, testing.
00:09:49One, two, three.
00:09:52Of course, you know I'm theater major, yes?
00:09:55I am a lesbian.
00:09:56You're a lesbian?
00:09:57No, I am an actress.
00:10:01Oh, fun.
00:10:03I like to show off.
00:10:05You see?
00:10:07Yeah.
00:10:10That.
00:10:11What?
00:10:12Oh, curtain.
00:10:14We got a live one, Pando.
00:10:18Big blue.
00:10:19Oh, God, I love nature.
00:10:23I love the sun and its hydrogen licking my burning skin.
00:10:29Test testing.
00:10:30One, two, three.
00:10:31Test testing.
00:10:31I love the grass roaring up out of the ground.
00:10:34Protoplasm come to get me.
00:10:37I love the wind whirling.
00:10:40What's that?
00:10:42Um, a hearing aid.
00:10:44Oh, I talk louder.
00:10:45That's okay.
00:10:46That's fine, it's fine.
00:10:47Don't panic.
00:10:49Give her the champagne.
00:10:51Do you want some champagne?
00:10:53I can do without the sham.
00:10:55Just give me the pen.
00:10:58Don't whine.
00:10:59Don't whine.
00:11:03Oh, it's fun, yes?
00:11:05Are you a poet?
00:11:07Are you a wit?
00:11:10I'm a nitwit.
00:11:11I'm a nitwit.
00:11:13I'm a halfwit.
00:11:14I'm a halfwit.
00:11:15I'm a moron.
00:11:16I'm a moron.
00:11:17Really?
00:11:18Goddamn you stomach.
00:11:19Will you just trust me on this, okay?
00:11:24Before you.
00:11:25Before you.
00:11:26I am wordless and brainless.
00:11:28I am wordless and brainless.
00:11:30Struck dumb.
00:11:31Struck dumb.
00:11:31And left mindless.
00:11:32And left mindless.
00:11:34Before the ferocious intelligence of your beauty.
00:11:37Before the ferocious intelligence of your beauty.
00:11:45Beautiful.
00:11:45You silver-tongued little devil.
00:11:49No devil.
00:11:51No devil.
00:11:51You are certainly no saint.
00:11:54I'm a pilgrim.
00:11:56I am a pilgrim.
00:11:58Come to worship.
00:12:01Come to worship.
00:12:03Worship what, pilgrim?
00:12:11My headphones are out!
00:12:14That's okay.
00:12:16I can hear you.
00:12:19Worship what, pilgrim?
00:12:21Uh, no.
00:12:21Worship what?
00:12:22Tell me and I'm yours.
00:12:24You tell me.
00:12:26Make up something.
00:12:27Uh, the holy spot.
00:12:30No!
00:12:31The fertile delta?
00:12:32No!
00:12:33The bearded clam.
00:12:34Pondo!
00:12:35I thought you were a poet.
00:12:37I am, I am.
00:12:38Well then make love to me in verse.
00:12:42Go, do it.
00:12:44Do it!
00:12:45But I'm leaving.
00:12:47Roses are red.
00:12:49Violets are blue.
00:12:51You got big tits.
00:12:52I want to suck on them too.
00:12:54I'm leaving.
00:12:55Wait, Natasha!
00:12:56Good evening.
00:12:57I'm going to be strong.
00:12:58I can get down.
00:13:03Oh yeah, I'm a party animal.
00:13:06I can get down.
00:13:06But honestly, how do you expect me to party with no tools?
00:13:10I'm a party animal now.
00:13:14You party animal.
00:13:15I'm a party animal.
00:13:17You party animal.
00:13:18I'm a party animal.
00:13:20You party animal.
00:13:21I'm a party animal.
00:13:24You party animal.
00:13:25You party animal, you.
00:13:26Oh, basically, it was a breed of super-minded majesty.
00:13:31Kept to my mouth.
00:13:32Kept getting put down.
00:13:35Never knew.
00:13:36I never knew.
00:13:36I never knew.
00:13:37I never knew.
00:13:38You're not a pro-bodied ride.
00:13:39Go ahead and do us.
00:13:40Get down.
00:13:41I'm a party animal.
00:13:42You party animal, you.
00:13:43I'm a party animal.
00:13:45You party animal, you.
00:13:47I'm a party animal.
00:13:49You party animal, you.
00:13:50I'm a party animal.
00:13:52You party animal, you.
00:13:54So I go out.
00:13:56I never did.
00:13:59Pando, you've got to learn to knock.
00:14:17You've got enough knockers in here.
00:14:19What you want?
00:14:20I'm going to kill myself.
00:14:23Pando, don't give up.
00:14:27All right.
00:14:29All right, I'll help you.
00:14:31Your will?
00:14:32Sure.
00:14:33How?
00:14:34Have you ever seen the school nurse?
00:14:35She's beautiful.
00:14:37She's yours.
00:14:39What?
00:14:39What are they asking?
00:14:40How?
00:14:41What do I say to her?
00:14:42You get her to examine you.
00:14:44What do I say?
00:14:45Tell her you've got a problem with your pecker.
00:14:48I've got a problem with my pecker.
00:14:51Your what?
00:14:52My hooter.
00:14:57How long have you had it?
00:14:58When I had my hooter all my life.
00:15:03What's the problem with your member?
00:15:06My what?
00:15:08Your member.
00:15:09Well, I never thought of him as a member.
00:15:12I kind of always thought of him as a loner.
00:15:14Take off your pants.
00:15:20Underwear, too?
00:15:27I'll take off mine if you take off yours.
00:15:30Get off on the table.
00:15:31No, no, no.
00:15:36Get off!
00:15:36She came at you with a face like a flower.
00:15:46Her miniskirt, short boots, and whiskey sour.
00:15:49Don't know why they won't grow up so fast and lose precious hours.
00:15:53She's just a girl, just a girl.
00:15:57You make them up and set them up and give them some lines.
00:16:00That 14-year-old's acting like she's 29.
00:16:04She thinks she's got it made, but loses every time.
00:16:07Is she just a girl, just a girl?
00:16:11She's just a girl.
00:16:13And you welcome her with open arms.
00:16:16You could be her father.
00:16:18She's just a girl, just a girl.
00:16:48She's just a girl, just a girl.
00:16:53Pondo, you've got to quit giving up.
00:16:58You just need some training.
00:17:00Training?
00:17:01What do you need to do?
00:17:02You need to know what to do.
00:17:05I don't know what to do.
00:17:06But you don't know how to do it.
00:17:08You need a teacher.
00:17:10What do you want to do with my teacher?
00:17:12What?
00:17:13You say you want to do with my sister.
00:17:16I want to take you to see my teacher, Elba.
00:17:21Oh?
00:17:22Elba.
00:17:26Okay.
00:17:31Oh, shit, Studley, I'm sorry.
00:17:33Hey, it's all right, man.
00:17:35So you come to old Elba for some advice, huh?
00:17:50Yes, sir.
00:17:52You ain't getting no pussy, is she?
00:17:57No, sir.
00:17:58Why do you think we call pussy pussy?
00:18:05Well, I don't know, sir.
00:18:07Because it's furry?
00:18:09No.
00:18:10Because it's warm?
00:18:12Uh-uh.
00:18:15Because it's scratch when it gets angry.
00:18:18No.
00:18:19Well, what then?
00:18:20Now, it don't purr.
00:18:24Ain't it doing me all?
00:18:28Then why do we call it pussy?
00:18:33I don't know, sir.
00:18:34Because that old hound dog gonna eat it up.
00:18:37You've got to be the hound dog.
00:18:39You've got to let that pussy know you're the hound dog.
00:18:42Put it in your mind.
00:18:46Be it in your body.
00:18:48Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy.
00:18:52You hear you say that, boy.
00:18:54Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy.
00:18:58No, no, no.
00:18:58Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:03Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:06Hound dog.
00:19:08Hound dog.
00:19:09One more.
00:19:10Hound dog's gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:16Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:19Hound dog is gonna eat that pussy.
00:19:25Hound dog.
00:19:31MUSIC PLAYS
00:20:01What's going on, nigger?
00:20:06Get down.
00:20:08All right.
00:20:10Hey, brothers.
00:20:12Where'll be the dames tonight?
00:20:15Don't want a little home on three legs.
00:20:19Hey, now that's what I'm talking about.
00:20:22Hey, you ain't a man till you made it with a ten.
00:20:26Hey, Barry, what's that?
00:20:30Excuse me, sucker.
00:20:31The hound dog's not running with the pack tonight.
00:20:36Evening, darling.
00:20:38Hound dogs come to make love.
00:20:41Hey, brothers.
00:20:44Listen.
00:20:45Take note and look.
00:20:47Because the hound dog, he done written a book.
00:20:50I'm a man.
00:20:52I'm a brother.
00:20:53I'm a soul brother.
00:20:55I'm a...
00:20:56Hunky.
00:22:39Absolutely.
00:22:40Lily's card loses.
00:22:41Oh, stop.
00:22:42If I lose, I lose big, no?
00:22:45Take one.
00:22:46Let's see how you're lucky.
00:22:47There you go.
00:22:48One for you.
00:22:50Okay, show your cards.
00:22:52Seven.
00:22:53Seven.
00:22:54Nine.
00:22:55Seven.
00:22:56Pretty.
00:22:57What did you get?
00:22:58I got two.
00:23:00Well, gotta play by the rules.
00:23:04Off it comes.
00:23:05I'm embarrassed.
00:23:06Don't be.
00:23:07It's just us.
00:23:08Come on.
00:23:09Show the boobies.
00:23:10Take off your goddamn shirt.
00:23:12Ice.
00:23:13You're a goddamn shirt.
00:23:17Come on.
00:23:18All right.
00:23:21Come on.
00:23:22Deals Tippar.
00:23:23Come on.
00:23:24Five, nine.
00:23:25Come on.
00:23:26I don't believe you lose
00:23:29I win
00:23:30Bye
00:23:30I lose
00:23:33Thank you
00:23:34We lost the war
00:23:37Yeah, I know
00:23:40But I mean, that was years ago
00:23:42A defeat like that
00:23:45Kills all the romance in a woman's heart
00:23:47I really find that hard to believe
00:23:50I'd sell my soul for a piece of ass
00:23:53Don't say that
00:23:55It's true
00:23:57Well, I know it might be true
00:23:58But don't say it out loud
00:24:00I'd sell myself for a piece of ass
00:24:02I'm a criminal
00:24:03I'm sorry
00:24:03I think you need some new clothes
00:24:08Clothes make the man
00:24:09Now, I want you to go to Willinger's
00:24:12You got that?
00:24:14Willinger's
00:24:14It's a clothing store
00:24:15You tell them to give you the works
00:24:18Willinger's
00:24:25Stunley said to give me the works
00:24:34Stunley said to give me the works
00:24:34Tell them
00:24:40What the fuck, Roger?
00:24:45Damn you, Stunley
00:24:46God, I want you to go to Willinger's
00:24:48Boom, over there
00:24:51Wow
00:24:52Wow
00:24:53Wow
00:25:00Wow
00:25:04Hi, Studley.
00:25:16Oh, no, no!
00:25:34And the microphone is the end of my life.
00:25:38Ah!
00:25:39Ah!
00:25:41Ah!
00:25:42Ah!
00:25:43Ah!
00:25:44Ah!
00:25:45Ah!
00:25:46Ah!
00:25:47Ah!
00:25:48Ah!
00:25:49Ah!
00:25:50Ah!
00:25:53Would you shut up?
00:25:55Would you shut up?
00:25:57I am not an old friend.
00:26:04An animal.
00:26:11Bullshit, that's an animal!
00:26:14Whoa!
00:26:19Lando, don't worry about it, because I got it all figured out.
00:26:23This is absolutely guaranteed to get you laid.
00:26:27I have never seen this fail.
00:26:30Come on.
00:26:31Come on.
00:26:33Come on.
00:26:35One blue job, $22.50.
00:26:40One blue job, $22.50.
00:26:47One hand job, $11.50.
00:26:50One hemorrhoid massage, $12.95.
00:26:57Hi, girls.
00:26:58Ponder.
00:26:59Come on.
00:27:00No, don't go away.
00:27:01Come on.
00:27:02Don't be embarrassed.
00:27:03Attaboy.
00:27:04Hi, girls.
00:27:05What the hell?
00:27:06Oh!
00:27:07Oh!
00:27:08Oh!
00:27:09Oh!
00:27:10Oh!
00:27:11Oh!
00:27:12Oh!
00:27:13Oh!
00:27:14Oh my God!
00:27:15Oh my God!
00:27:16My face is only a cockroach.
00:27:17You got money.
00:27:18Oh!
00:27:19Oh!
00:27:20Oh!
00:27:21Oh!
00:27:22Oh!
00:27:23Oh!
00:27:24Oh!
00:27:25Oh!
00:27:26Oh!
00:27:27Oh!
00:27:28Oh!
00:27:29Oh!
00:27:30Oh!
00:27:31Oh!
00:27:32There's only a cockroach you love.
00:27:34I got money.
00:27:36I think you don't have enough.
00:27:38Oh, you had to fuck my father.
00:27:40Oh, get away from me!
00:27:42Studley.
00:27:44Studley.
00:27:46Damn.
00:27:48All dressed up and no place to go.
00:28:02guitar solo
00:28:16Man, everything is fine
00:28:18Now I'm always here to have a good time
00:28:22Never wondering why I didn't climb
00:28:26Now I'm on the right side to stay
00:28:28Hey!
00:28:30I've been waiting so long
00:28:32For something like this
00:28:34Elbow, you gotta help me with Ponder.
00:28:38Can't do it. Talk to him.
00:28:40I talked to him. It didn't help.
00:28:42He keeps trying to kill himself.
00:28:44That's cause he can't get no tail, Studley.
00:28:46But I tell you something.
00:28:48The more tail you get,
00:28:50the more tail you get.
00:28:52Now you oughta know that, Studley.
00:28:54Yes, sir.
00:28:56Well, the less tail you get,
00:28:58the less you get. Now that's true.
00:29:00Amen.
00:29:02Now Ponder is going downhill.
00:29:04And he's picking up speed by the minute.
00:29:06The best just to get out of the way.
00:29:08I can't do that. He's my best friend.
00:29:10This is bigger than friendship.
00:29:12This is what you call, uh, cosmic.
00:29:14Really?
00:29:16Uh, the Buddhists call it, let me see, uh, reincarnation.
00:29:22I thought you were a Baptist.
00:29:24I figure Ponder is paying for some past lifetime.
00:29:28He'd be bad back there.
00:29:30Maybe, uh, pharaoh.
00:29:34Maybe he had a harem of a thousand wives.
00:29:38A thousand wives?
00:29:40You know, maybe he was a jackrabbit.
00:29:42A jackrabbit?
00:29:44Yeah. Now that explains it.
00:29:46In past life, Ponder was a horny little jackrabbit.
00:29:50And he got so much rabbit pussy, the good Lord said,
00:29:52you can't have him no more.
00:29:54That explains it all.
00:29:56I don't know. I have never seen anybody try so hard.
00:30:00Me neither.
00:30:02But you know what? That's nature.
00:30:04And Mother Nature's a beautiful woman.
00:30:06You know, she'd be the final piece of ass.
00:30:08Understand?
00:30:10Yes, sir.
00:30:12Leave it be.
00:30:14That's what you call karma.
00:30:16Karma?
00:30:18Karma.
00:30:36I just, just want to be bad.
00:30:46Jesus.
00:30:48If I do, I do it wrong.
00:30:50If people...
00:30:52I want to be a party party.
00:30:54I want to be a little fat.
00:30:56I want to be an elbow.
00:30:58I don't want to be exactly elbow.
00:31:00Napoleon was sure.
00:31:02Napoleon was sure.
00:31:04Did he or me get late?
00:31:07I'm all the time.
00:31:08I'm all the time.
00:31:09I'm all the time.
00:31:11I'm all the time.
00:31:12What am I doing?
00:31:16Everything.
00:31:17Everything.
00:31:17Tell me what to do.
00:31:20Please.
00:31:21Don't be sad.
00:31:23Oh, please.
00:31:24Not that you were the last man in the room.
00:31:26Oh, please.
00:31:28Forget it.
00:31:29No.
00:31:30No.
00:31:30No.
00:31:31No.
00:31:32I'm not a virgin.
00:31:33I'm not a virgin.
00:31:34I'm not a virgin.
00:31:35No.
00:31:36I'm not a virgin.
00:31:37No.
00:31:38No.
00:31:38No.
00:31:39No.
00:31:39No.
00:31:43Oh.
00:32:04Who is that?
00:32:22Trouble.
00:32:24She's that girl everywhere I go.
00:32:26I even started dreaming about her.
00:32:29Hey, you forget her.
00:32:31Forget hell.
00:32:32Now that's a woman.
00:32:34How the hell am I going to get laid?
00:32:49Drugs.
00:32:50Women love drugs.
00:32:51I've been flat, broke, had to run my knees, but it's going all right now.
00:33:06Now I'm ready.
00:33:08No one.
00:33:12I'm disguised, poverty, kept my chin up and lashed like that.
00:33:16Now I'm ready.
00:33:17No one.
00:33:23Water from the nation.
00:33:25Money in the nation.
00:33:28The drugs is here.
00:33:30I got drugs.
00:33:31I got offers.
00:33:32Now, hey, ladies.
00:33:33Drugs.
00:33:34Women love drugs.
00:33:38It's unreal.
00:33:40It's the people with thousands.
00:33:41Something's wrong, son.
00:33:42I know what I mean.
00:33:44No one.
00:33:46No one.
00:33:49Hope for a day when justice for God's fall.
00:33:52Chance would be a fine thing now.
00:33:54Ha-ha, no day.
00:33:55No one.
00:33:58Something better get a lighter.
00:34:00I'm gonna get a lighter.
00:34:02I'm gonna get a lighter.
00:34:04I'm gonna get a lighter.
00:34:05I'm gonna get a lighter.
00:34:06You can never get a lighter.
00:34:08No!
00:34:08No!
00:34:09No!
00:34:09No!
00:34:10No!
00:34:10No!
00:34:11No!
00:34:11No!
00:34:11No!
00:34:12No!
00:34:12No!
00:34:13No!
00:34:19You little shit.
00:34:24Why don't we do some bells?
00:34:40I'm even cool.
00:34:40Come on, boy!
00:34:50What?
00:34:52Good!
00:35:10What?
00:35:27Acid.
00:35:40I've got a purple one.
00:35:50Mirror!
00:35:57Let him out here with me.
00:36:00Ladies, up!
00:36:10Let him out here with me.
00:36:13Don't go out here with me.
00:36:14Let him out here with me.
00:36:18Let him out here with me.
00:36:23Let him out here with me.
00:36:25Let him out here.
00:36:27Let him out here with me.
00:36:29Whoo!
00:36:31It's a good little house to be inside the mansion.
00:36:36I can't believe you.
00:36:40Don't let me get me down the way you better do
00:36:46Cause it's all I can do
00:36:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:36:54Oh, boy.
00:36:56No.
00:37:10Who are you?
00:37:35Ando! Ando! Ando!
00:37:39Ando! Ando! Ando!
00:38:09Look out! Wait a minute!
00:38:14Excuse me!
00:38:18Who's he?
00:38:19You don't want to know.
00:38:20Whoa!
00:38:22Hi, girl!
00:38:23Ahh!
00:38:25Oh!
00:38:30Oh!
00:38:34Oh!
00:38:35Ow!
00:38:36Ow!
00:38:37Ah!
00:38:38Life's an illusion, love is a dream
00:38:47Everyone needs nothing else
00:39:08Oh, yeah, yeah
00:39:38All right, what's this for?
00:39:46Twins
00:39:58Do you know how unhappy this one paragraph makes me?
00:40:03Do you know what this is about?
00:40:07This is about the salt talks
00:40:10You know what the salt talks are?
00:40:11Yeah, sure, boss
00:40:12Strategic arms limitation treaty
00:40:14That's right, that's very good
00:40:16So what they do, they say, well, listen, we'll get some more missiles
00:40:19Moscow has more missiles, we need more missiles
00:40:22So they come up with a new program
00:40:24They call it START
00:40:26You know what START is?
00:40:28Strategic arms reduction talks
00:40:32That's very good, too, but you see
00:40:34What it really means is
00:40:36It's the start of the end
00:40:38It's the start of nuclear destruction in this world as we know it today
00:40:43Wait a minute, I can give you a little audio-visual ads here
00:40:47Well, let's see
00:40:48You take this missile here, okay?
00:40:51This will represent a missile in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
00:40:54Okay?
00:40:55This will be the death count four in Colorado
00:40:57All right?
00:40:58Those are yours
00:40:59And we'll set up some missiles in Moscow
00:41:01I got this one and this one over here, okay?
00:41:03Red square right there
00:41:05Now let's say
00:41:07This is the president
00:41:08Okay?
00:41:10So
00:41:11One day
00:41:12He comes in the office after having a bad night
00:41:14Hasn't been so good for him, right?
00:41:16So this prick comes into his office
00:41:18Scratches his head
00:41:20And says
00:41:21I think I'll blow up the world today
00:41:23Leans over
00:41:24Presses the button
00:41:25What's that do?
00:41:26That launches your missile from Pittsburgh, right?
00:41:29Go ahead, launch it
00:41:32Go
00:41:33So Moscow sees it coming and says
00:41:36Oh
00:41:37Matakonski is sending a missile
00:41:38We have to take care of this
00:41:44Russia's really pissed off now, right?
00:41:46So what they do is
00:41:47They decide to send a missile of their own, right?
00:41:56Okay
00:41:57We've got a mess here
00:41:58A total mess
00:41:59But one more thing
00:42:01Russia's got a missile they've been keeping up their sleeve
00:42:04They roll it into position
00:42:05They launch it
00:42:06And
00:42:10We're fucked
00:42:13That's not funny
00:42:14Scary shit, boss
00:42:15Yeah
00:42:16It's a shame
00:42:17Because you know
00:42:18I love America
00:42:20America could have been somebody
00:42:22America could have been a contender
00:42:24I need something to help me with women
00:42:27You came to the right place
00:42:28Well sell me something
00:42:29I got just the thing here for beginners
00:42:31Got a little starter model right here
00:42:34What is it?
00:42:35It's a vibrator
00:42:36I'll take it
00:42:37What size do you want?
00:42:38I want the biggest one you got
00:42:39The M5 boss?
00:42:40The M5
00:42:41Yeah
00:42:42You don't want that one
00:42:43He wants it
00:42:44You don't want that one kid
00:42:45I want it
00:42:46The M5 sexual device?
00:42:47You don't want that one kid
00:42:48Yes he does, he wants the M5
00:42:49He wants the M5
00:42:50The M5
00:43:16Oh no, come on
00:43:17There's a little coal out here.
00:43:38No, Nora, don't go away. I'll be right back.
00:43:43This'll be worth it.
00:43:48Noble!
00:43:50Let her rip.
00:44:18Ah!
00:44:22Elmo, turn it on!
00:45:05May I help you?
00:45:16I'm here to see the dean.
00:45:17Really?
00:45:25Name.
00:45:28Pondo Sinatra.
00:45:31Mr. Sinatra is here to see you.
00:45:36Yes, ma'am.
00:45:38You can go right in.
00:45:41Thanks, ma'am.
00:45:48This thing blocked out the entire campus last night, Mr. Sinatra.
00:45:54We have rules at this college, Mr. Libido.
00:45:57And if you do not abide by those rules, you'll be out on your ass.
00:46:02Is that clear?
00:46:03Yes, ma'am.
00:46:04You may go.
00:46:06Absolutely anything is possible.
00:46:09From interstellar communications to the development of a functioning aphrodisiac.
00:46:23Now, let us first look.
00:46:28Uh, Professor Schmidt.
00:46:31Ja, Herr Sinatra.
00:46:33What is an aphrodisiac?
00:46:35The word aphrodisiac comes from the African root.
00:46:44Afro meaning large penis.
00:46:50And aphrodisiac, which means want it bad.
00:47:05Now, class, please repeat after me.
00:47:10Afro meaning aphrodisiac and large penis wants it bad.
00:47:17You got it.
00:47:19Professor?
00:47:21Ja, ja.
00:47:22If one wanted to make an aphrodisiac, what would one do?
00:47:26One would have to find, you see, that element which most stimulates the female libido.
00:47:52I've got something for you.
00:48:17I'll bet you do.
00:48:18No, it's not what you think.
00:48:20What is it?
00:48:21You will never guess.
00:48:23A hot beef injection?
00:48:25No.
00:48:26A trouser worm?
00:48:28Uh-uh.
00:48:28What is it?
00:48:31What's that?
00:48:32Well, this is, uh, it's, uh, no.
00:48:37Ah!
00:48:41Oh, shit.
00:48:51Hurry, come along.
00:48:52Hurry, come along.
00:48:52I'll pretend it is, you'll never wait too long.
00:48:56That's why I'm telling you don't try to see me wrong.
00:49:00Keep it on the right side of the state.
00:49:02Hey!
00:49:03Yo, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:49:04The more I look around.
00:49:05Cause the more I look around.
00:49:06I laugh it this way.
00:49:09It's super crazy.
00:49:10Let's ever walk.
00:49:11Why don't you come along?
00:49:13C'est la dumpe, calamanie!
00:49:14I'm, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
00:49:16You might not have faith!
00:49:16How don't you come along with me.
00:49:18How don't you come along with me!
00:49:19L alle ersten nor you come along with me.
00:49:21What's that?
00:49:22I'm, Angela!
00:49:23It's going to be...
00:49:34Hey.
00:49:36Ah!
00:49:37Ah!
00:49:38Ah!
00:49:39Ah!
00:49:40Ah!
00:49:41Ah!
00:49:42Ah!
00:49:43Ah!
00:49:45Ah!
00:49:46Ah!
00:49:47Ah!
00:49:48Ah!
00:49:49Ah!
00:49:50Ah!
00:49:51Ah!
00:49:52Ah!
00:49:53Ah!
00:49:54Ah!
00:49:55Ah!
00:49:56Ah!
00:49:57Ah!
00:49:58Ah!
00:49:59Ah!
00:50:00Ah!
00:50:01Ah!
00:50:02Ah!
00:50:03Ah!
00:50:04Ah!
00:50:05Ah!
00:50:11Do you know what these are?
00:50:13No.
00:50:14Gas pills.
00:50:15What?
00:50:16They make you fart.
00:50:17Make you fart?
00:50:18Shh.
00:50:21Come on.
00:50:22Come on.
00:50:28Well, I've done it.
00:50:29Twenty-two years of blue balls, and now it's over.
00:50:40Sophie!
00:50:41Stoodley, mamma mia!
00:50:42Just go out with him.
00:50:43He's my best friend.
00:50:44I can't get anyone else on campus to go out with him.
00:50:48Si.
00:50:49Stoodley.
00:50:50Now, he does not speak Italian.
00:50:52Italiano!
00:50:53Bueno!
00:50:54Bueno!
00:50:55No, no, no, no.
00:50:56No Italiano.
00:50:57No.
00:50:58Maledizione.
00:50:59Capitio.
00:51:01Uh, he's gonna be here at six o'clock.
00:51:04Buongiorno, Stoodley.
00:51:06Bye.
00:51:07Bye.
00:51:08Uh, yeah.
00:51:09Bye.
00:51:25Oh, bello.
00:51:26Bueno.
00:51:27Bueno.
00:51:28Swallow.
00:51:29Just swallow.
00:51:30Swallow.
00:51:31Ooh.
00:51:32That's good.
00:51:33Amore mio.
00:51:34Let's take your car.
00:51:35Bye.
00:51:36Come on.
00:51:37Bye.
00:51:38Bye.
00:51:39Bye.
00:51:40Bye.
00:51:41Bye.
00:51:42Bye.
00:51:43Bye.
00:51:44Bye.
00:51:45Bye.
00:51:46Bye.
00:51:47Bye.
00:51:48Bye.
00:51:49Bye.
00:51:50Bye.
00:51:51Bye.
00:51:52Bye.
00:51:53Bye.
00:51:54Bye.
00:51:55Bye.
00:51:56Bye.
00:51:57I don't know.
00:52:27I don't know.
00:52:57I don't know.
00:53:01I don't know.
00:53:04I don't understand.
00:53:09Oh, mamma mia!
00:53:14Non capisco.
00:53:17Non mi era mai capitato se erano stati quelli gli spaghetti americani di ieri sera.
00:53:28Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia!
00:53:29No!
00:53:39Oh, mamma mia, spagheti americani, io!
00:54:03Oh, mamma mia!
00:54:06Don't write a match!
00:54:09Huh?
00:54:10Don't write a match!
00:54:13Huh?
00:54:36Mr. Sinatra, you leave me no choice.
00:54:38Your presence at this university can no longer be tolerated.
00:54:44God knows what I'm gonna tell the parents of these poor children.
00:54:47Oh, shit!
00:54:49Not a pretty sight, is it, Pondo?
00:54:54Are you pleased with yourself?
00:54:55Pack your things and get out.
00:54:56Hey!
00:54:57Hey!
00:54:58Hey!
00:54:59Hey!
00:55:00Hey!
00:55:01Hey!
00:55:02Hey!
00:55:03Hey!
00:55:04Hey!
00:55:05Hey!
00:55:06Hey!
00:55:07Hey!
00:55:08Hey!
00:55:09Hey!
00:55:10Hey!
00:55:11Hey, son!
00:55:13Hey?
00:55:15Bye!
00:55:16Not a pretty sight, is it, Pondo?
00:55:17Are you pleased with yourself?
00:55:18Pack your thing and get out.
00:55:23Hey!
00:55:24Hey, Pondo, I heard you got thrown out of school.
00:55:28Yes, sir.
00:55:29Oh, you don't have to clean up that mess.
00:55:30I clean it up.
00:55:31Don't worry about it. I made a mess.
00:55:33Clean it up.
00:55:34You got it.
00:55:39Hi, Holly.
00:56:01Hi, Holly.
00:56:06Hi, Holly.
00:56:07What?
00:56:08Shut up and kiss me.
00:56:11Oh.
00:56:12Oh.
00:56:13Ow.
00:56:14Oh.
00:56:15Holy moth.
00:56:16What?
00:56:17Shut up and kiss me.
00:56:18Oh.
00:56:19Oh.
00:56:20Oh.
00:56:21I'm okay.
00:56:22What?
00:56:23Shut up and kiss me.
00:56:24Oh.
00:56:25Ow.
00:56:26Oh.
00:56:27How are you?
00:56:28Why are you?
00:56:29What are you?
00:56:30Oh.
00:56:31Don't go.
00:56:32Oh.
00:56:33Hi.
00:56:34Why are you?
00:56:35Huh.
00:56:36What are you?
00:56:37I'm sorry to go on.
00:56:42Don't go.
00:56:43Easy, baby.
00:56:53Now I'm going to show you the eighth wonder of the world.
00:56:58Don't you touch me.
00:57:00Oh.
00:57:02Holly, um, can I?
00:57:12What is this shit?
00:57:28Elbow?
00:57:32Elbow!
00:57:34Elbow, Elbow, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:57:36I'll clean it up, I'll clean it up.
00:57:37I'll do it, I'll do it.
00:57:38It ain't that much fun, Pando.
00:57:40No, go on Elbow.
00:57:41I'll do it.
00:57:42I'll clean it up.
00:57:43Go, go have a burp it in the boiler room.
00:57:44All right.
00:57:45Elbow, go on.
00:57:56You it?
00:57:59Talk to me.
00:58:01Not that much.
00:58:07You what I've been looking for.
00:58:11I got it.
00:58:16I got it.
00:58:17I got it.
00:58:18Elbow!
00:58:19Studley!
00:58:20I got it!
00:58:21I got it!
00:58:22I got it!
00:58:23I got it!
00:58:24I got it.
00:58:25You did it!
00:58:44I got it.
00:58:45Rain, thought I heard a footstep, thought I heard the phone, standing on the doorstep, listening alone, and all I hear is...
00:59:05Rain, falling from my eyes, these kinds of days, I really miss you now, the seasons will change again, I really miss you now, I said your name, I wonder where you are, what's in the rain?
00:59:33And it makes me remember, things I tried to say.
00:59:40No, not the whipped cream, not the whipped cream, come on!
00:59:44Mr. Bell, oh no!
00:59:48Hi girls.
00:59:57Out of the way!
00:59:59Whoa!
01:00:03What happened?
01:00:04I found it!
01:00:05You found what?
01:00:06I'm a party animal!
01:00:07Yeah, I can see that!
01:00:10What happened?
01:00:11I found it!
01:00:12You found what?
01:00:13I'm a party animal!
01:00:14Yeah, I can see that!
01:00:15I found it!
01:00:16I found it!
01:00:17I found it!
01:00:18I found it!
01:00:19I'm a party animal!
01:00:20I'm a party animal!
01:00:21I'm a party animal!
01:00:22I see that!
01:00:25Get up, get up, get up
01:00:43Get up, get up, get up
01:00:44Get up, get up, get up
01:00:47Now in this and you get it right
01:00:50Today's the first time you're gonna learn how to fight
01:00:53Forget about those sentiments you always feel
01:00:56From now on all you think of us, kick, kick, kick
01:00:59I know!
01:01:00Damn it!
01:01:01Damn it!
01:01:02Now I mean what I say, cause I'm your general
01:01:05Say I'm your night and day, cause I'm your general
01:01:08I'm the one in charge, cause I'm a general
01:01:11I'm much bigger than sorry
01:01:13Six weeks, I'm a woman killer
01:01:15Six weeks?
01:01:16Yeah, feed me!
01:01:17Women!
01:01:18Girls, girls, girls, girls
01:01:23Good morning
01:01:26Ponder, the girl is a half a mile away
01:01:30Oh, pretty
01:01:32Hey!
01:01:34Girlie!
01:01:36Over here
01:01:38Here
01:01:40Go!
01:01:41Go!
01:01:42Go!
01:01:43Go!
01:01:44Go!
01:01:45Go!
01:01:46Go!
01:01:47Go!
01:01:48Go!
01:01:49Go!
01:01:50Go!
01:01:51Go!
01:01:52Go!
01:01:53Go!
01:01:54You're my general
01:01:55Yeah, I mean what I say, cause I'm your general
01:01:58Say I'm your night and day, cause I'm your general
01:02:01I'm the one in charge, cause I'm your general
01:02:04I'm much bigger than sorry
01:02:06This is the Mount Everest of womanhood.
01:02:11No sweat.
01:02:12These girls live behind steel doors.
01:02:14No sweat!
01:02:15No man has ever made it to the third floor of this building.
01:02:18Suddenly, no sweat!
01:02:20All right.
01:02:36And where'd they be?
01:02:49Get me!
01:02:50Ah!
01:02:50Ah!
01:02:51Ah!
01:02:52Ah!
01:02:52Ah!
01:02:53Ah!
01:02:53Ah!
01:02:54Ah!
01:02:54Ah!
01:02:55Ah!
01:02:55Ah!
01:02:56Ah!
01:02:57Ah!
01:02:58I did it.
01:03:00Au contraire, Pando.
01:03:03Look.
01:03:04Pando.
01:03:05Pando.
01:03:06Pando.
01:03:07Go.
01:03:35Pando.
01:03:36Pando.
01:03:37Pando.
01:03:38Pando.
01:03:39Pando.
01:03:40Pando.
01:03:41Pando.
01:03:42Pando.
01:03:43Pando.
01:03:44Pando.
01:03:45Pando.
01:03:46Pando.
01:03:47Pando.
01:03:48Pando.
01:03:49Pando.
01:03:50Pando.
01:03:51Pando.
01:03:52Pando.
01:03:53Pando.
01:03:54Pando.
01:03:55Pando.
01:03:56Pando.
01:03:57Pando.
01:03:58Pando.
01:03:59Pando.
01:04:00Pando.
01:04:01Pando.
01:04:02Pando.
01:04:03Pando.
01:04:04Pando.
01:04:05Pando.
01:04:06Pando.
01:04:07Pando.
01:04:08Pando.
01:04:09Pando.
01:04:10Pando.
01:04:11Pando.
01:04:12PANDO.
01:04:13Pando.
01:04:24PANDO.
01:04:25Pando.
01:04:26We gotta get you back in school.
01:04:28I gotta see the dean.
01:04:30She's busy.
01:04:36But I'm not.
01:04:40New in town, sailor?
01:04:42I've got a headache.
01:04:46You need to relax.
01:04:48Oh, you need to relax.
01:04:50Be calm.
01:04:52Take a deep breath.
01:04:54See these fingers?
01:04:56They work wonders.
01:04:58This won't hurt a bit.
01:05:02I promise.
01:05:04Oh, no, no, no, you don't.
01:05:06Oh, wait.
01:05:08Oh, my God, I think I'm in love.
01:05:10Dean Fox?
01:05:16You are not Dean Fox.
01:05:18No, honey, I'm the new dean.
01:05:20Ooh-wee!
01:05:22Look what the gods done sent me.
01:05:301925,
01:05:32Dr. Bob Stern
01:05:34discovered this.
01:05:38He believed that this was some sort of symbol
01:05:40for, oh, people who would go into the cave
01:05:42and tell them how to get out,
01:05:44because he himself had gotten lost at this point at one time.
01:05:48Telling people to travel to Lord's Word.
01:05:50Would you knock it off?
01:05:52It was a map of some sort.
01:05:54The Stern map.
01:05:56We call this the Stern map.
01:05:58They used this at NASA to get the ships from Earth to the moon and back.
01:06:02Without this, uh...
01:06:04Hondo, take me!
01:06:08Hondo, this is every man's dream.
01:06:10I'm scared and I'm tired.
01:06:12Go away!
01:06:14Scare what?
01:06:16Every woman I see wants me.
01:06:18That's wonderful.
01:06:20No, it's terrible stuff.
01:06:22I'm scared and I'm tired.
01:06:24Go away!
01:06:26Scare what?
01:06:27Every woman I see wants me.
01:06:28That's wonderful.
01:06:29No, it's terrible, Stutley.
01:06:30I'm a bit greedy.
01:06:32I'm like King Midas.
01:06:33Everything I touch turns to poontang.
01:06:35Here.
01:06:36Here.
01:06:37Here.
01:06:38Here.
01:06:39Here.
01:06:40Here.
01:06:41Here.
01:06:42Here.
01:06:43Here.
01:06:44Here.
01:06:45Here.
01:06:46Here.
01:06:47Here.
01:06:48Here.
01:06:49Here.
01:06:50Here.
01:06:51Here.
01:06:52Here.
01:06:53Here.
01:06:54Here.
01:06:55Here.
01:06:56Here.
01:06:57Here.
01:06:58Here.
01:06:59Here.
01:07:00What?
01:07:01What is this?
01:07:02All this fuss, this commotion.
01:07:04Over who?
01:07:05Over Pando?
01:07:06Of course, in the total scope of things he wasn't asking
01:07:09for very much.
01:07:10He just wanted to get himself a little that's all.
01:07:14Oh, my God.
01:07:44Oh, my God.
01:08:14Oh, my God.
01:08:44Oh, my God.
01:08:49Oh, my God.
01:08:52Oh, Pondo.
01:08:57For white boy, he did all right.
01:09:17Pondo?
01:09:22Well, it seems so real, I can't see it.
01:09:28And it seems so real, I can't feel it.
01:09:33And it seems so real, I can't taste it.
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