- 3 months ago
Two souls, Parker and Ellie, have repeatedly crashed against one another while growing toward who they will inevitably be. Their lives have been intertwined by fate, and A Delicate Burn explores the gravity of what their relationship will be.
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00:00:00This video is brought to you by Satsang with Mooji
00:00:30What?
00:00:42I'm tired.
00:00:44Okay.
00:00:48I'm sick of all the meaningless connections.
00:00:58Well, maybe.
00:01:02If you didn't fuck a new bitch every night, you'd actually take a moment to connect.
00:01:08Are you slut-shaming me right now?
00:01:11Absolutely not.
00:01:13But I know you.
00:01:16I'm having an existential crisis.
00:01:19Clearly.
00:01:21Why do I always do that?
00:01:24Do what?
00:01:26Lose myself and others.
00:01:28Like, I'm 22 and I still don't know what I'm doing.
00:01:32I'm gonna take a guess and say it's because you're only 22.
00:01:36Do you not see the difference between me and you?
00:01:40You and Rachel are in a healthy relationship.
00:01:42You're committed.
00:01:43You have a house.
00:01:44Me, I dated a girl who I love so much that I freaked the fuck out, screwed it all up, then wanted her back.
00:01:52Just to be at the same spot two years again later.
00:02:00I've got a boutique that I fucking hate waxing vaginas all day.
00:02:06I think that sounds pretty sweet.
00:02:12What am I doing wrong?
00:02:14Parker, you have got to stop comparing us.
00:02:18We are on two separate timelines.
00:02:22We're two different people.
00:02:24I mean, we're at a weird age anyway.
00:02:26I mean, you got some people just going into college.
00:02:30You got some people getting married to have kids.
00:02:33It's gross.
00:02:35I mean, that one guy we knew from AP Bio, I just got out of jail.
00:02:41I'm thinking about her again.
00:02:44No.
00:02:46I am.
00:02:54You have got to stop this.
00:02:57Every time you get off track, you go back to this, Parker.
00:03:03You are comfortable with her, okay?
00:03:06But you cannot keep going back to that just because.
00:03:11I think I just need to get out of here.
00:03:13Go where?
00:03:16I don't know.
00:03:17Like, Nashville?
00:03:19I just want something meaningful.
00:03:26I guess if it keeps you from doing something idiotic.
00:03:30I want to drive.
00:03:33I mean, we can go for a drive and start a drink.
00:03:35I mean, I want to go somewhere.
00:03:37Like...
00:03:38Like a road trip.
00:03:40Why are you looking at me like that?
00:03:42Let's go.
00:03:43Like...
00:03:44Like right now?
00:03:45Like right now.
00:03:46Like right now.
00:03:48Oh my God.
00:03:51Alright.
00:03:52Okay.
00:03:53Yes!
00:03:54Can we go tomorrow?
00:03:56Yeah, that's fine.
00:03:57Hey, Jessica.
00:03:58Um...
00:03:59I don't think that I'm going to be able to make it into work next week.
00:04:13What's that?
00:04:14My mother got hospitalized.
00:04:16She, uh...
00:04:18Has really bad diarrhea.
00:04:24It won't stop.
00:04:28And they don't know, um...
00:04:30Why.
00:04:31Listen.
00:04:32Yeah, Jessica.
00:04:33I gotta go.
00:04:34I'm sorry.
00:04:35My mom is waiting on me.
00:04:36And I'll be in next week.
00:04:37I promise.
00:04:41You're gonna go to hell.
00:04:43My grandma's been dead for like three years.
00:04:46She'll appreciate the spot in 80, though.
00:04:49Okay.
00:04:50Okay.
00:05:13Close all the curtains.
00:05:15Stay on the phone.
00:05:20I'm not going to hurt them.
00:05:23We are the monsters.
00:05:26Holding you still.
00:05:32We are the gallows.
00:05:41Can you pass me the gummy ones?
00:05:49There you go.
00:05:54You know, when I was a kid and we'd go to the theater with my mom, she'd actually always
00:06:02bring gummies to flip the popcorn.
00:06:04So that's where you got it from?
00:06:06You thought I had a retreat like you guys.
00:06:09Aww, she sounds like she'd be fun.
00:06:12She wasn't.
00:06:14She's not really.
00:06:30Parker?
00:06:31I think I caught asthma. I'm tired.
00:06:34We haven't even started walking yet.
00:06:39Oh, shit.
00:06:41Can you believe places like this just exist?
00:06:45Maybe.
00:06:46We get to look at it with, like, our eyes.
00:06:50Ah, it makes me feel kinda small.
00:06:54But in a good way.
00:06:56In a good way.
00:06:57I guess that's better than, you know, like, going the other way around.
00:07:00That's how you mean.
00:07:01It don't matter?
00:07:02Alright.
00:07:03We're gonna stick a pen in that and come back to that later.
00:07:05Enjoy the view.
00:07:06Yeah.
00:07:07I'm glad we did this.
00:07:08It's a good idea.
00:07:09Hmm.
00:07:10I'm starting to think that I needed this, too.
00:07:12You know?
00:07:13I don't know.
00:07:14I just feel like every day's starting to blend together.
00:07:16And it's just become so monotonous.
00:07:17And, like, am I doing something?
00:07:18I don't know.
00:07:19I just feel like every day's starting to blend together.
00:07:23And it's just become so monotonous.
00:07:24And, like, am I doing something big in the grand scheme of everything?
00:07:25How could you say that?
00:07:26You and Rachel are literally perfect.
00:07:27I don't know.
00:07:28I don't know.
00:07:29I don't know.
00:07:30I just feel like every day's starting to blend together.
00:07:31And it's just become so monotonous.
00:07:32And, like, am I doing something big in the grand scheme of everything?
00:07:49How could you say that?
00:07:51You and Rachel are literally perfect.
00:07:54That's interesting that you think that just because I'm in a relationship with Rachel,
00:07:59that my life is squeaky clean and spotless.
00:08:02I just never really thought about it.
00:08:05I mean, don't get me wrong.
00:08:08Rachel's my bitch.
00:08:10I love her.
00:08:12But she doesn't define my whole existence.
00:08:16Even on our best days, I still feel like my existence is infinitesimal.
00:08:25Whoa!
00:08:26Big word.
00:08:27I know.
00:08:28It's a song.
00:08:29It's a dope-ass song.
00:08:30You should listen to it.
00:08:31It's a dope-ass song.
00:08:32You should listen to it.
00:08:33I think maybe it's a dope-ass song.
00:08:36I think yeah.
00:08:37It's a dope-ass song.
00:08:38I'm with my hands.
00:08:39I'm with him.
00:08:40I take a deep breath.
00:08:41I'm with him.
00:08:42You should be with your hands.
00:08:44I'm just wondering if my hands are supposed to be on the ground.
00:08:45I don't feel like I did a little bit of a fish on the ground.
00:08:46so like we're supposed to see like ufos yeah so apparently when it gets dark
00:08:58this becomes like the darkest place in the country and then the ufos come out so like
00:09:05at night time yeah at night time interesting yeah so you remember that one time me and you
00:09:15and rachel went to canada and then we all got lost in toronto yeah you would think that someone
00:09:22from toronto would know their way around toronto yeah well but do you remember how when we were
00:09:30on the plane and like all of our phones died and so we just gave up and then we went and
00:09:35got sushi dude best sashimi ever oh no i guess i just miss doing stuff like that well i kind
00:09:45of feel like that's what we're doing you know sitting out in the woods looking for aliens
00:09:50yeah you do be having a point yeah that's what we're doing
00:09:58so what's next you know i really haven't thought that far well i'm just following your lead
00:10:09i'm probably gonna need to go back to work sometime though oh i definitely am getting fired
00:10:15yeah fuck capitalism i don't want to work for modern societies anyways i want to live in the
00:10:19woods and scavenge for berries all right well why don't we go to nashville really yeah you
00:10:32brought it up i mean if we left right now we could probably get there by the night bed
00:10:39but wait there is one more thing i want you to see
00:10:51follow me
00:10:53what's it doing nerd just journaling a little how was work oh my dad called me on my break
00:11:19yeah yeah he wants to see if we want to go get dinner with him sometime this week i have
00:11:26no pain no pain good i think it'll be good we literally haven't seen him since he helped
00:11:35us with the nerve
00:11:42us with the nerve
00:11:49yeah be great
00:11:51well you get
00:11:53yeah
00:11:54yeah
00:11:56yeah
00:11:57yeah
00:11:59yeah
00:12:00yeah
00:12:01yeah
00:12:02yeah
00:12:03yeah
00:12:04yeah
00:12:05yeah
00:12:06so the aliens come to earth for this
00:12:21uh huh
00:12:27and you just put your stuff on the ground and the aliens will see it
00:12:33yeah
00:12:34yeah so i mean you just you just bring your weird send them a shit
00:12:38um and then uh like uh the aliens beam down and like appreciate it a lot
00:12:48i don't know that's what the lady at the desk said so
00:12:52and it's called an alien junkyard
00:12:54yeah
00:12:55yeah
00:12:56yeah
00:12:57okay well what are you gonna put down
00:13:02way ahead of you
00:13:07you too
00:13:08that's where you're leaving
00:13:11You two.
00:13:18That's where you're leaving?
00:13:21Yeah.
00:13:22You don't think you should leave a picture of you and Rachel?
00:13:26No.
00:13:27The aliens don't want to see a couple of normies.
00:13:30They don't want to see Aubrey Plaza in a questionable Christmas film.
00:13:34Okay.
00:13:36What are you going to leave?
00:13:40I don't know.
00:13:45What about that?
00:13:46Oh, hell no.
00:13:47I've had this thing for like eight years.
00:13:49Okay.
00:13:50And that's what makes it perfect.
00:13:52It's got your human juice memories all over it.
00:14:07Alright, well, the aliens better appreciate the fuck out of that.
00:14:09That thing's been a staple in my wardrobe since like high school.
00:14:13Hey, we're here to leave our old selves behind.
00:14:18We're here to find who the new us is.
00:14:21The new Parker.
00:14:22Okay, well, will you let me know when you figure that out?
00:14:25Shhh.
00:14:26Probably not.
00:14:27Shhh.
00:14:28Shhh.
00:14:29Shhh.
00:14:30Shhh.
00:14:31What?
00:14:32You look so pretty.
00:14:34Can you help?
00:14:36Yeah.
00:14:37I'm nervous.
00:14:38Why?
00:14:39I feel like your dad hates me now.
00:14:53What?
00:14:54He's always liked you.
00:14:55He's like the only family you have and I just want to know how much I love you.
00:15:00He trusts I can make good decisions.
00:15:01But I broke your heart.
00:15:02All right.
00:15:03Today's the day.
00:15:04So do we have anything else on the agenda other than Nashville?
00:15:05No, just wherever we end up.
00:15:06What is it without Nashville, anyway?
00:15:07All right, today's the day.
00:15:26So do we have anything else on the agenda other than Nashville?
00:15:30No, just wherever we end up.
00:15:33What is it without Nashville, anyway?
00:15:35I don't know. My parents always said that we would take a family trip there, and we just never went.
00:15:40So, and it kind of stuck with me.
00:15:42Why?
00:15:44We always went on a cruise or to Disney World.
00:15:48I don't know, I guess it was just never really important to them to go to Nashville.
00:15:51But it was to you?
00:15:53Yeah. I always thought of it kind of like a magical place, you know, but in a cool, rustic, cowboy way.
00:15:58Plus, I always wanted to get one of those cute little guitar keychains.
00:16:01Hmm. My parents just always ship me off to my grandparents.
00:16:06And they live in a really tiny town, so, I mean, it was an adventure in its own.
00:16:10You know, just with a lot of cornfields and, you know, fast food restaurants.
00:16:15See, but I wish I had that.
00:16:18You wish you never went on a cruise?
00:16:20No, not like that. I mean, like, I wish my parents cared more about what I wanted.
00:16:29Okay, but this makes me feel like you're allowed.
00:16:33You, my friend, need a reality check.
00:16:37What do you mean?
00:16:37So, why did you wake up with Ellie?
00:16:42Again?
00:16:43Like, in high school?
00:16:45Yeah.
00:16:46I didn't know what I wanted.
00:16:48But now, all of a sudden, you know what you want?
00:16:53I mean, so let me get this straight.
00:16:57You broke up with her because you didn't want to be with her.
00:17:00But then you did want to be with her.
00:17:01Then two years later, when she got upset because you didn't treat her the way you said you were going to treat her.
00:17:07Now, all of a sudden, you went to bed.
00:17:10You know it's not so cut and dry.
00:17:13I'm just playing devil's advocate.
00:17:15I was 17.
00:17:17I thought I needed to drink all the time and smoke weed and just create this, like, tornado of emotion just to feel something, you know?
00:17:24There it is.
00:17:25The contradiction.
00:17:27The contradiction.
00:17:28You love to sabotage yourself.
00:17:30You have to have the main character energy, and you have to have all the problems.
00:17:35That's not true.
00:17:36No, that's kind of true.
00:17:38She's important to me, Fern.
00:17:40I know she is.
00:17:42If there's ever a chance in hell that you were going to get her back, you've got to have better coping mechanisms.
00:17:49You've got to learn.
00:17:49You've got to grow.
00:17:51They're not going to be good for her unless they're good for you.
00:17:55No.
00:17:59Go on, another drink.
00:18:00I think I'm okay.
00:18:02Okay.
00:18:02You think he likes me?
00:18:29It's hard. You've never not liked Peter.
00:18:36I wouldn't like me.
00:18:38If ever.
00:18:43Why do you do that?
00:18:46Do what?
00:18:48Why do you need other people's validation?
00:18:52He's your dad, Ellie.
00:18:55But I love you.
00:18:57Can that not be enough?
00:19:04Why can't you forgive yourself?
00:19:11Because I always put a good job.
00:19:41I need you on this one.
00:19:44I need you on this one.
00:19:47I really care.
00:19:49I'm not really going for this one.
00:19:52I don't know.
00:19:54I'm not a kid too close to me.
00:19:55I want my family.
00:19:56I'll just leave you on this one.
00:19:57I'll just leave you alone.
00:19:58I'll just leave you alone.
00:20:00My shoes.
00:20:30I'm gonna puke.
00:20:48Are you ready for it?
00:20:51Why do I feel like I'm about to have a pulmonary embolism?
00:20:54You know, that is how I felt the first time I ever saw Brad Velvet's music video for
00:21:00Psycho.
00:21:01I'd make a bunny my wife, and we'd rob this whole town.
00:21:09Maybe take all that money, get a boat, and sail down, down, where the blue, blue waters flow.
00:21:20Yes, this is a place I would go.
00:21:27We might get ourselves lost, but we may never be found, if ever that day comes around.
00:21:41Dude, that sucked.
00:21:49I wasn't gonna say anything unless you did.
00:21:52I don't know why I thought a city full of drunken tourists, vomit-filled streets, and cheapo guitar
00:21:58souvenirs would be so life-altering.
00:22:00It's almost like you build things up in your head to be bigger than they actually are.
00:22:09You have all these unrealistic expectations-
00:22:11I don't need a lecture.
00:22:16I just think, life is about the little things, the stuff you didn't plan.
00:22:24You know?
00:22:25No, you're right.
00:22:28I like these fries.
00:22:30I'm gonna remember these fries for the rest of my life.
00:22:37I have an idea.
00:22:40Okay.
00:22:41Follow me.
00:22:42Break into the pool.
00:22:43What?
00:22:44For the bucket list.
00:22:45I want to break into the pool at night.
00:22:52Okay.
00:22:53Okay.
00:22:54I'm gonna break into the pool.
00:22:55Okay.
00:22:56I'm gonna break into the pool at night.
00:23:00Okay.
00:23:01Cool.
00:23:02You should get started.
00:23:03Now.
00:23:04You know it still hurts a little bit, but not that much.
00:23:07Cause if you want somebody else, who am I to judge?
00:23:08Who am I to judge?
00:23:09You know it still hurts a little bit, but not that much.
00:23:15Cause if you want somebody else, who am I to judge?
00:23:16I've been thinking about you all the time, but that's alright.
00:23:22I'm starting to get used to it.
00:23:23I think I'll survive.
00:23:24I met you in the summer.
00:23:25When you left, it was poor.
00:23:26You know it still hurts a little bit, but not that much.
00:23:29You know it still hurts a little bit, but not that much.
00:23:34Cause if you want somebody else, who am I to judge?
00:23:39I've been thinking about you all the time, but that's alright.
00:23:44I'm starting to get used to it, I think I'll survive.
00:23:47I met you in the summer.
00:23:50When you left, it was poor.
00:23:52Said we loved one another.
00:23:55Guess that we're wrong.
00:23:57I met you in the summer.
00:24:00My love was out of control.
00:24:02I've been going crazy without you.
00:24:05I'm so alone.
00:24:07I met you in the summer.
00:24:10I'm a child.
00:24:19I'm a child.
00:24:20I'm a child.
00:24:24It's kinda quiet in my room right now, without you.
00:24:30And I couldn't really make you stay.
00:24:32and I couldn't really make you stay so what to do I'm just staring at my walls and talking to
00:24:41myself now and then I'll try to laugh but I'll cry a bit as well I was never any good at being
00:24:46away from you I met you in the summer when you left it was cold said we loved one another
00:24:54guess that we were wrong I met you in the summer our love was out of control I've been going crazy without you
00:25:05for so long I met you
00:25:09I met you
00:25:24I met you in the summer
00:25:30you know it still hurts a little bit but not that much
00:25:42cause if you want somebody else who am I to judge
00:25:54time to shut it down
00:26:11time to shut it down
00:26:12shut it down
00:26:13shut it down
00:26:14shut it down
00:26:24I'm
00:26:25I'm
00:26:26I'm
00:26:28I'm
00:26:28I'm
00:26:29I'm
00:26:31I'm
00:26:33I'm
00:26:35I'm
00:27:06I love it when you play.
00:27:09I know.
00:27:13So where'd you learn how to play English?
00:27:15My dad, actually.
00:27:17Yeah, he taught me.
00:27:19But he only learned to impress my mom.
00:27:22Really?
00:27:23Mm-hmm.
00:27:23I remember you taught me.
00:27:25There's a lot you don't know about me.
00:27:27Oh, yeah?
00:27:28Yeah.
00:27:28Tell me one thing I don't know about you.
00:27:30Oh, God.
00:27:31And, um, okay, when I was a kid and I would catch fireflies, I would make wishes on them.
00:27:45Right?
00:27:45Mm-hmm.
00:27:46That's probably the cutest thing I've ever heard.
00:27:49Um, I mean, that was one good thing about my mom.
00:27:53I feel like she always had her head in the clouds and believed that life was, like, made of magic.
00:28:02I feel like she really instilled that in me.
00:28:03Yeah, but that does kind of sound like you.
00:28:08Ugh.
00:28:08I mean, yeah.
00:28:09I kind of hate it, though, because she was always wanting to live this, like, bigger-than-life reality.
00:28:16And one day she just decided that me and my dad were not part of that dream anymore.
00:28:22Yeah, it wasn't enough, so, yeah.
00:28:27I mean, you were just a kid.
00:28:30I don't think it's, that it had anything to do with you not being enough.
00:28:36Plus, your heart is nothing like hers, anyways.
00:28:42I just don't want to hurt someone the way she hurt me, though.
00:28:48I don't want to hurt someone.
00:28:49Plus, I feel like a five-year-old wanting to play pretend all the time is probably a lot to handle.
00:29:11Plus, you know what?
00:29:12I don't think she even wanted kids anyway.
00:29:19So, I don't think she is about it.
00:29:39Where are we going?
00:29:55You'll see.
00:29:58Are you going to kill me?
00:30:01Allie, you're not supposed to know.
00:30:03Be quiet.
00:30:04Are you choosing a way by knife or another weapon?
00:30:07What would be more villanelle?
00:30:09Of me.
00:30:11She'd probably have some really elaborate scheme and then corner me in an alleyway and parents or something.
00:30:17Mine would be better.
00:30:31This is sweet.
00:30:34You're sweet.
00:30:39Oh, so my friend Michaela is coming in from out of town next weekend and there's this party that I think we're going to go to.
00:31:04I thought we went out last weekend.
00:31:08I know, but I want to go like out, out.
00:31:12Just going out with me, just like knock out?
00:31:16You know I don't mean it like that.
00:31:17Yeah, I guess I'll just stay home alone again.
00:31:22Parker!
00:31:24I have found the best use of our word for the most uncomfortable situation.
00:31:50It's not funny.
00:31:51It's not funny.
00:31:52It's kind of funny.
00:31:53It's kind of very funny.
00:31:54Get in the car.
00:31:55Get in the car.
00:31:56Get in the car.
00:31:57We're going.
00:31:58We're going.
00:31:59Get in the car.
00:32:00We're going.
00:32:01Get in the car.
00:32:02We're going.
00:32:03Fuck.
00:32:04Fuck.
00:32:05Fuck.
00:32:06Fuck.
00:32:07Fuck.
00:32:08Fuck.
00:32:09Fuck.
00:32:10Fuck.
00:32:11fuck.
00:32:12Fuck.
00:32:13It's not funny.
00:32:14healer.
00:32:16Fuck.
00:32:17Fuck.
00:32:18Fuck.
00:32:19Fuck.
00:32:20It's totally not funny.
00:32:22Good.
00:32:23Get in the car.
00:32:24Fuck.
00:32:25Lucky.
00:32:26Okay, no, I got my care.
00:32:27I'm just going home
00:32:28with my friends.
00:32:29I'm not as good.
00:32:30It's not funny.
00:32:32It's kind of funny.
00:32:34Haha, it's kind of funny.
00:32:38It's not funny.
00:32:39All right, what I got you something what is that for this
00:33:09Ellie, I'm sorry. You're doing it. Doing what? You're pulling away.
00:33:18Ellie, no. It's not like that.
00:33:22You know, you promised me on New Year's that you wouldn't do this because of some confusion you have about yourself and what you want.
00:33:31Ellie, we just went on a picnic and to dinner with your dad.
00:33:39What, am I not allowed to have a few drinks after work? Leave the house? Am I not allowed to?
00:33:46No, you can leave the house. But when you came back to me, we promised that our relationship would not be like this anymore.
00:33:56That's not what's happening.
00:33:59Then what is happening?
00:34:02I don't know.
00:34:04You never do.
00:34:07But I don't, I don't know, I don't want to know what living in a world without you is like.
00:34:13And I feel like I'm hurting you.
00:34:17Then stop pulling away.
00:34:20It hurts me when you do that. We're happy with you.
00:34:24We're good. Yeah, we're good. We're good.
00:34:28We're good.
00:34:29We're good.
00:34:31We're good.
00:34:33We're good.
00:34:35We're good.
00:34:36We're not allowed to know what living in a world without you.
00:34:40We're good.
00:34:42We're good.
00:34:43We're good.
00:34:45We're good.
00:34:46We're good.
00:35:17Can we get a cat?
00:35:21For the sixth time?
00:35:23No.
00:35:25Because they stink.
00:35:27They're stinky.
00:35:29You want to clean the litter box?
00:35:33Hold on. Oh my god. Hold on. I'm so late.
00:35:36Oh, that's probably Rachel.
00:35:42It's my mom.
00:35:47You sure this is a good idea?
00:35:51Don't be a fucking pussy.
00:35:52I'm not a fucking pussy.
00:35:55I'm gonna get caught.
00:35:56Here.
00:36:11Oh my god.
00:36:16Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:36:20Try an Maria again.
00:36:22Order.
00:36:24I gotta get a little bit of it.
00:36:25Go, go, go, go, go.
00:36:32Go, go.
00:36:34What are we gonna do now?
00:36:36We're already in our bathing suits.
00:36:38Wanna go to the beach?
00:36:40What beach?
00:36:43Piszczkacz?
00:36:45Yeah.
00:36:45I guess, yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:37:15It's some kind of devotion that brings me down, that without my love for the ocean, I would be no one, no one.
00:37:45It's some kind of devotion that brings me down, that without my love for the ocean.
00:38:15my mom was there and she was acting like it was the end of the world like she
00:38:26never left like she even cared ever
00:38:33I know it's so complex she didn't she didn't deserve to see him at all I
00:38:43deserve to see him oh she's your mom I don't care oh what can I do nothing oh
00:39:03he's my dad he was the only one that was ever there for me he was the only one who never left
00:39:09I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to even do now
00:39:14don't be okay but like I'm here whatever you need
00:39:25what does that even mean I'm sorry Parker I just I just don't know how to process
00:39:41I get it
00:39:45nobody should be projecting that onto you I shouldn't be doing that I'm sorry
00:39:51I kind of deserve it
00:39:54no you don't
00:39:55Ellie let's be honest I'm not the most reliable person that's in your life
00:40:06I feel like I wreak havoc on you your life your stability
00:40:16I feel like I leave you constantly wondering when the next time I'm gonna have a big breakdown
00:40:24this isn't about me this is about you
00:40:36you just lost your dad
00:40:40I just can't believe he's gone
00:40:47you just lost your dad
00:40:49you just lost your dad
00:40:50you just lost your dad
00:40:51you just lost your dad
00:40:52you just lost your dad
00:40:53you just lost your dad
00:40:54you just lost your dad
00:40:55you just lost your dad
00:40:56you just lost your dad
00:40:57you just lost your dad
00:40:58you just lost your dad
00:40:59you just lost your dad
00:41:00you just lost your dad
00:41:01you just lost your dad
00:41:02you just lost your dad
00:41:03you just lost your dad
00:41:04you just lost your dad
00:41:05you just lost your dad
00:41:06you just lost your dad
00:41:07you just lost your dad
00:41:08you just lost your dad
00:41:09you just lost your dad
00:41:10you just lost your dad
00:41:11you just lost your dad
00:41:12you just lost your dad
00:41:13you just lost your dad
00:41:14you just lost your dad
00:41:15you just lost your dad
00:41:16That's why you told him.
00:41:22We'll be back soon.
00:41:24I don't know, but I still miss her.
00:41:27Yeah, I feel that.
00:41:32Who did you miss?
00:41:34Your mom.
00:41:36Yeah, I bet you do miss my mom.
00:41:39No, really, I do.
00:41:42You know, reiterate, let's just go back.
00:41:45Why are we here again?
00:41:47Like, on the trip?
00:41:50Yeah, yeah, on this trip.
00:41:53Because we wanted to do something exciting.
00:42:00Get away.
00:42:02Something to distract ourselves from this mundane capitalist environment.
00:42:09And, and, I'm trying to get over Ellie.
00:42:19Ding, ding, ding, ding.
00:42:22We have a winner.
00:42:24One moment, please.
00:42:29Blind as a bat.
00:42:31Alright.
00:42:32So, I'm going to role play as your therapist, Gigi.
00:42:35Not to be confused with Gigi from the L word.
00:42:38Bet in Gigi forever.
00:42:39So, first question.
00:42:41Why do you think it is so hard for you to let go?
00:42:46What keeps you holding on?
00:42:50She's the love of my life.
00:42:54And why do you think that?
00:42:57Because I always go back to her.
00:42:59I mean, time and time again.
00:43:02Do you not think that maybe you're just comfortable in the environment you created with her?
00:43:13Like, do you really think that, like, out of 7 billion people in this whole world, there's not one other person that you might love?
00:43:21Not like Ellie.
00:43:28A rollercoaster of emotion is not love.
00:43:33It was love.
00:43:37The purest love I think I've ever experienced.
00:43:42Well, sometimes love isn't enough then.
00:43:46Not to be healthy, at least.
00:43:49Why can't I just make it fucking work?
00:43:51Like, I feel like Taylor Swift.
00:43:53I miss screaming, fighting, kissing in the rain.
00:43:57I don't want to be boring and comfortable.
00:44:00I understand that it must be really hard to even think and fathom that there might just be a life after Ellie.
00:44:12But life is bendable.
00:44:15It's changeable.
00:44:16Like, you, we are meant to heal.
00:44:20You could finally love someone the way that you deserve to.
00:44:29I just wanted it to be her.
00:44:32I know it's her.
00:44:35She's my person.
00:44:36I hope you're right.
00:44:39I hope you're right.
00:44:45Okay, so, um, Missy just called me and I need to get to the theater home because she doesn't fucking know how to do anything herself, so I have to get ready when I get there.
00:44:54So, can you just, like, can you just meet me there in there?
00:44:58Yeah.
00:44:59Go on.
00:45:01I love you.
00:45:02Mm.
00:45:25Wow.
00:45:26I love it when Ellie drinks all my oat milk.
00:45:32Mm.
00:45:57Mm.
00:45:58Fuck!
00:46:15Hello?
00:46:16Ellie?
00:46:17Yeah, what's wrong?
00:46:19My fucking tire popped. I had to pull off the side of the freeway into some random parking lot.
00:46:24What do you mean?
00:46:26I mean, it's completely deflated.
00:46:31You had to go get milk?
00:46:33Yeah, I just needed the distraction.
00:46:35Have you called a tow truck?
00:46:38I can call one, but odds are it'll probably take a few hours.
00:46:42The funeral's in an hour, Parker.
00:46:44I know. I could try calling Fern, see if he can-
00:46:46I have to go. Just get here.
00:46:52Son of a bitch.
00:46:56I'm sorry.
00:46:57I went to the store and milk for the coffee, and then I was going to go straight to the funeral home.
00:47:11But then my tower popped and I called the tow truck company, but they said that they couldn't be there until 1.30, and I didn't know what else to do.
00:47:17I didn't do it on purpose.
00:47:24You missed my dad's funeral.
00:47:26I know. And I'm so sorry. But it's not my fault.
00:47:32Why didn't you think to just stay home?
00:47:40Do you ever think about what's going on around you?
00:47:45Ellie.
00:47:46This isn't your fucking world, Parker.
00:47:49Do you ever think, hey, maybe I should just stay home because Ellie's dad just died?
00:47:54My tire would have popped on the way to the funeral anyways.
00:47:57That's very convenient for you.
00:47:59Oh, do not pin this on me. I wanted to be there for you.
00:48:03Then you're a lot of talk.
00:48:05What the fuck is your problem?
00:48:07My problem?
00:48:09Parker, you need to figure out if I am good enough for you.
00:48:13If you ever care to give me a scrap of attention.
00:48:16All I do is give you my attention.
00:48:20All you do is worry about Parker.
00:48:27Or just like her.
00:48:28Oh, fuck that, Ellie. Would your mom do this?
00:48:42What is that?
00:48:43It's a stupid scrapbook that I made for our one year anniversary after getting back together.
00:48:48But it doesn't even fucking matter anymore now, does it?
00:48:51Because I'm so unpredictable, just like your mom.
00:48:56No. No, actually you're really predictable.
00:49:00We always end because you always leave.
00:49:08Ellie.
00:49:11Ellie!
00:49:13Ellie, don't go!
00:49:17What?
00:49:18I have to.
00:49:20I'm gonna go to my dad's beach house in Pennsylvania.
00:49:24You can't leave me like this.
00:49:27You always left me like this, Parker.
00:49:30You're the love of my life.
00:49:35This isn't about us anymore.
00:49:38I need to find me.
00:49:39I need to find who Ellie is again.
00:49:41It's not you, it's me.
00:49:42Right?
00:49:43It's you too!
00:49:45You desperately need to grow and find who you want to be and who Parker is.
00:49:51I don't think there can be an us anymore.
00:49:53I don't want to be here without you.
00:49:54I can't ruin myself for you anymore.
00:49:55And you can't either.
00:49:56I don't want you to go.
00:49:57I don't want you to go.
00:49:58I know.
00:49:59I don't want you to go.
00:50:00I know.
00:50:02I don't want you to go.
00:50:03I know.
00:50:04I don't want you to go.
00:50:06I know.
00:50:07I don't want you to go.
00:50:08I know.
00:50:09I know.
00:50:10I don't want you to go.
00:50:11I know.
00:50:12I know.
00:50:13I know.
00:50:14I know.
00:50:16I know.
00:50:19I know.
00:50:22I know.
00:50:23I don't want you to do it-
00:50:25Yeah, you can be there by 7, I mean, you know it's going to be late anyways, I mean that's
00:50:44how it usually goes, yeah.
00:50:51Parker just woke up.
00:50:52Hey, I'll see you when I see you.
00:50:55Love you.
00:50:56Bye.
00:50:57Hey.
00:50:58What are you doing?
00:51:02Rachel's going to pick me up from the airport.
00:51:05What?
00:51:06Why?
00:51:07Something wrong?
00:51:09Nothing.
00:51:10I'm just not stupid.
00:51:13I'm confused.
00:51:16Why are we in Pensacola?
00:51:18Because we wanted to go to the beach.
00:51:24Why are we in Pensacola, Parker?
00:51:31Look, Fern, I was going to tell you.
00:51:33Yeah, I know where Ellie lives.
00:51:35I really tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you are just the same old Parker.
00:51:45Those, those weren't my intentions.
00:51:48So you didn't mean to take me on a trip that I thought was us bonding and having all these
00:51:57crazy, awesome life experiences together only so that you can just weasel your way in to
00:52:03go see Ellie.
00:52:04That's not what happened.
00:52:05Well, I'm glad I could be a pawn in your game, so.
00:52:14Cool.
00:52:15I mean, I wanted to see Ellie, but it became something more along the way.
00:52:24Halfway through, I even forgot why I started the trip.
00:52:29Parker, you are my best friend.
00:52:32But for the love of God, you are so manipulative.
00:52:37Anything you want, you get.
00:52:40Come on.
00:52:41Don't ruin the trip.
00:52:46You already ruined it.
00:52:48I'm sorry.
00:52:49I needed to see her.
00:52:51I needed to win her back.
00:52:54You are so worried about making sure everybody loves you that you end up treating the people
00:53:02who actually do love you like shit.
00:53:05I'm just confused, Fern.
00:53:09I can't do anything right.
00:53:11No one said you had to have it all figured out.
00:53:14But you just dragged everyone into your shit.
00:53:18You know what?
00:53:20You can call me when you've decided to be the Parker that I know you are.
00:53:26I won't be waiting for the call though.
00:53:35I'm just confused right now.
00:53:36See you later.
00:53:37I was ready.
00:53:38So first I got all the time.
00:53:40Ok.
00:53:41I got all the time.
00:53:42But next I'll give you a little extra from me.
00:53:45Bye.
00:53:46Bye.
00:53:47Bye, bye.
00:53:49Bye.
00:53:50Bye.
00:53:51Bye.
00:53:52Bye.
00:53:53Bye.
00:53:54Bye.
00:53:55Bye.
00:53:56Bye.
00:53:57Bye.
00:53:58Bye.
00:53:59Bye.
00:54:00Bye.
00:54:02Bye.
00:54:04Bye.
00:54:05Hi Park.
00:54:20Hi.
00:54:28So, how are you?
00:54:30What are you doing in Pensacola?
00:54:32Oh, I'm good. I was just passing through the area. I figured I'd shoot you a message.
00:54:38I remember that you said that you were going to your dad's beach house in Pensacola.
00:54:42So, I thought it was worth a shot.
00:54:45Oh, yeah. I mean, moving here is probably one of the best decisions I've made in a long time.
00:54:51I can imagine.
00:54:53Probably much better than home.
00:54:55I was home.
00:54:57Humid. Kind of boring. The usual.
00:55:01I miss it a little.
00:55:04Well, you know, if you're ever in town, you can stay with me.
00:55:09Thanks, Park. Yeah.
00:55:12It's probably not a good idea, but I appreciate the offer.
00:55:17Yeah, I mean, I just figured I'd at least offer.
00:55:21How's Fern?
00:55:22She's good.
00:55:23Yeah, she's good.
00:55:25Rachel?
00:55:26She's good, too.
00:55:27They actually just got engaged and then bought a house, but I'm sure you already knew about all that.
00:55:33I do still talk to Rachel sometimes.
00:55:35That's good.
00:55:36You guys ever talk about me?
00:55:38No, definitely not.
00:55:39Well, I mean, that's good.
00:55:44Our ending shouldn't mean, you know, an ending for you guys, too.
00:55:48It doesn't.
00:55:49So there's this music shop I saw over off of the pier.
00:55:57Figured if you don't have any plans later, maybe we could swing by.
00:56:01Um, I'm getting dinner with my friends tonight, actually.
00:56:07Well, I mean, that's okay.
00:56:08It was last minute anyways.
00:56:10But, where are you guys going?
00:56:12Just this little Italian restaurant downtown.
00:56:14We go, like, every Friday, so...
00:56:26Why am I here?
00:56:27I'm sorry.
00:56:30I just...
00:56:32I needed to see you.
00:56:34It's been years.
00:56:37What do you need to see me for?
00:56:39I just still don't understand why things ended, you know?
00:56:42Like, you're my person.
00:56:44And I can't...
00:56:45I just can't stop thinking about the night you left.
00:56:50I'm not your person, Park.
00:56:52Not anymore, at least.
00:56:55But you said it yourself.
00:56:57We're soulmates.
00:56:59You said soulmates have to be forever, Park.
00:57:02Because then what's the point?
00:57:04The point is that we taught each other lessons and how to love and treat someone with dignity and live up to your words, you know?
00:57:15I just...
00:57:16I know...
00:57:17You're the person I'm gonna end up with.
00:57:24Maybe in another universe.
00:57:26We were together forever, but...
00:57:30I just don't think we're living in that universe anymore.
00:57:33Why is it so hard for me to get over you, but for you it's so easy?
00:57:40It wasn't easy.
00:57:42I spent months mourning you and I and the person I was when I was with you.
00:57:49And trying to figure out how I was gonna live life without you in it.
00:57:53And I lost my best friend.
00:57:56And, you know, part of me hoped that we would cross paths again and just fall into each other's arms and everything would be like it used to, but that's just not life.
00:58:08Who said?
00:58:10Parker.
00:58:11Daisy.
00:58:12Why can't we just have like...
00:58:13...a fairytale ending where we always end up together?
00:58:17Cause this isn't a movie.
00:58:18You know, we're real people.
00:58:20This is real life, and...
00:58:23I just don't think we can exist together without hurting each other over and over and over again.
00:58:28God.
00:58:32I must sound insane.
00:58:34No.
00:58:36I just don't think you take it well when things don't go your way.
00:58:41I love you.
00:58:49I think I should go.
00:58:51I'm sorry.
00:58:54No, it's fine. I just, you know, I wish you the best.
00:59:08I'm sorry.
00:59:11Please, don't leave.
00:59:13Parker, it's time to move on.
00:59:16You have a whole life ahead of you that does not involve you.
00:59:20A life that's beautiful and thrilling.
00:59:24You and I were a mess of memories, and I cherish all of them.
00:59:30But you will always be one of my favorite loves, okay?
00:59:41I'm sorry, it doesn't change anything.
00:59:43I'm sorry, it doesn't change anything.
00:59:45I'm sorry, it doesn't change anything.
00:59:46I'm sorry.
00:59:47I'm sorry.
00:59:48I'm sorry.
00:59:49I'm sorry.
00:59:50I'm sorry.
01:00:21This is for you, partner.
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