- 7 hours ago
The secret life of tour reps in Ibiza. Smooth-talker Brad gets caught up in a contest to bed the most girls, but could Carmen change his free-wheeling lifestyle?
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So, what do you think?
00:00:30I can't believe you.
00:00:34That's the sickest thing.
00:00:35It was just a suggestion, you know, try something new, you know, something adventurous.
00:00:42You want me to have a threesome with my best friend?
00:00:45It's perverted.
00:00:52It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute or something.
00:00:58It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:05It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:12It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:17It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:24It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:29It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:36It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:42It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:52It doesn't have to be your best friend, no, we could pick up a prostitute.
00:01:57So tell me, what happened?
00:01:59I told her I needed me space.
00:02:01I mean, I'm young, I need someone who's going to grow with me, try new things.
00:02:04She dumped you when you asked for a threesome.
00:02:07No, no, no, it was a mutual...
00:02:09She dumped you?
00:02:10No, we both felt that Brad she dumped you.
00:02:13And you figured out you'd have more chance of a threesome in Ibiza, is that it?
00:02:16Well, with a busload of fanny turning up every two weeks, chances have got to be better than a Saturday night down the local, ain't they?
00:02:23Ibiza, mate.
00:02:24Three, two, one.
00:02:26One.
00:02:27Two, one.
00:02:28One, two, one.
00:02:29One, two, one.
00:02:33One, two, one, two, one.
00:02:40One, two, one, two, one.
00:02:41One, two, one, two, one.
00:02:44Tell you what, Spanish birds are fit, bro.
00:02:47How do you think they know a holiday rips?
00:02:49Well, if not, Mario, I'm sure you'll point it out to them, mate.
00:02:51Yeah, well, these shag tags, man, they're like a license to fuck, bro.
00:02:55Hey, Mario, can you do us a favour, mate?
00:02:57Yes, mate, anything you like.
00:02:58Stop calling us, bro.
00:03:02Yeah, look, here's the girls.
00:03:06Do you reckon they shag?
00:03:08Yeah, of course, though, ain't much good to you, though, would I?
00:03:10Nah, I could have no sweat.
00:03:12You can't screw the crew, Mario, it seems to be dismissed.
00:03:14Yeah, yeah, I know all that, but if you could, they'd be begging for it, bro.
00:03:20You're a rep, drinks are free, okay?
00:03:22Well, she's great, innit?
00:03:24I know.
00:03:25I haven't been out of paper anything since I finished training.
00:03:27So she got the right arm, so I followed in after her and I said, you know, what's the matter?
00:03:30And she says, you called me stupid.
00:03:32And I said, I said, no, I didn't.
00:03:34I said, I'm gonna fuck you, stupid.
00:03:37Is your guide dog watching?
00:03:39What?
00:03:40Don't cane it too hard tonight just because you've finished training.
00:03:44Clients start arriving tomorrow, so no hangovers, please.
00:03:49Well, it's a great season, everyone, eh?
00:03:51Cheers.
00:03:52Just have it later.
00:03:53Yes!
00:04:01Going for a good time, mate.
00:04:02Yes, mate.
00:04:03This is what it's all about, the way, smoking.
00:04:05Father said, yeah.
00:04:11That's what I say, mate.
00:04:13Don't move!
00:04:16Come with us, come with us!
00:04:18Were these guys?
00:04:19No, they weren't those two.
00:04:21Sorry, we made a mistake.
00:04:23Come, we'll take you home.
00:04:25Cheers, mate, thanks.
00:04:26Um, what's happening?
00:04:27Do you speak Spanish?
00:04:28Yes.
00:04:29El chico del bar nos dijo que un chico blanco y uno negro estaban comiendo pollo y vino blanco,
00:04:40y se fueron sin pagar.
00:04:41Right, that is it.
00:04:42You, I'll fire you on the next flight back to London.
00:04:44What?
00:04:45You're lucky not to be in jail, don't you care what that poor girl must have thought?
00:04:48Hold on, what have I done?
00:04:49Exposing yourself to a white girl, making a look at your cock, you are disgusting.
00:04:52No, joder, no, coño, no te enteras.
00:04:55Estaban bebiendo vino y comiendo pollo, y ellos no han sido.
00:04:59It's okay, listen, you two are lucky, I've convinced them not to press charges.
00:05:02Alison, I, I think you may have misheard.
00:05:04I know what he said, he said polo, which is cock.
00:05:07He said pollo, which is chicken.
00:05:10Polla, ah, is cock.
00:05:12Right, well that might be so, but he said blanco, which is white.
00:05:15Vino blanco, Alison, which is white wine.
00:05:18So you didn't expose yourself?
00:05:19No, no, I did not.
00:05:20Two guys ran off about paying for some chicken.
00:05:23It was a case of mistaken identity.
00:05:26Muy bien.
00:05:27Buenas noches.
00:05:28Cheers, mate.
00:05:29Buenas noches.
00:05:30Buenas noches.
00:05:31Buenas noches.
00:05:33Well, obviously I'm going to have to go down the police station in the morning
00:05:36and sort this little lot out.
00:05:38Brad, you're on airport duty in two hours time.
00:05:40And you, I hope tonight's taught you something.
00:05:42Oh, come on.
00:05:43I'm so scared.
00:05:45That's what Mum wants, huh?
00:05:46Oh, is it?
00:05:47Oh.
00:05:48Sorry.
00:05:49I, erm, had a bit too much to drink tonight.
00:05:51You've just come through, but you've been stood here since they announced the flight.
00:05:54Right, so who do you work for?
00:05:55Well, it isn't my lot.
00:05:56I've got to go.
00:05:57Good luck.
00:05:58Yeah.
00:05:59Good luck.
00:06:00Yeah.
00:06:01Good luck.
00:06:02Yeah.
00:06:03I've just come through, but you've been stood here since they announced the flight.
00:06:07Right, so who do you work for?
00:06:08Well, it isn't my lot.
00:06:09I've got to go.
00:06:10Good luck.
00:06:11Yeah.
00:06:12Thanks.
00:06:13Thanks a lot.
00:06:14Yeah.
00:06:15Cheers.
00:06:16Cheers.
00:06:17We're just going to go.
00:06:18You've just come through, but you've been stood here since they announced the flight.
00:06:21Right, so who do you work for?
00:06:22Well, it isn't my lot.
00:06:23I've got to go.
00:06:24Good luck.
00:06:25Yeah.
00:06:26Thanks.
00:06:27Thanks a lot.
00:06:29Yeah.
00:06:30Cheers.
00:06:31The sister of the coach is just up here, mate.
00:06:35Look, go straight out and get a little bit of fun.
00:06:39Yeah, thanks.
00:06:40Just up here, mate, look, go straight out them doors, straight down, lovely, cheers, just follow in, mate.
00:06:49Excuse me, my mate's not feeling well, I think it's up in shape.
00:06:51All right, all right, all right, all right, just give me one second.
00:06:54Greg!
00:06:58All right, Greg, Greg, look, this girl's been a bit sick, couldn't sell it out for me, could you?
00:07:02Yeah, yeah, don't you, just get her bags under the couch, I'll look after you.
00:07:04Good man, good man.
00:07:05All right, let's get going straight up here, yeah?
00:07:07You're not feeling too good, no?
00:07:08Yeah, we'll look after you.
00:07:13Well, mate, it'll be all right, won't you?
00:07:15Yeah, yeah, Greg's one of our oldest reps, she's in safe hands, mate, trust me.
00:07:28You all right, babes?
00:07:30Yeah, I'm just waiting on mine, she's feeling a bit sick, Greg was helping her in the toilet.
00:07:33Well, I'm helping him down.
00:07:35What?
00:07:35You all right, babe, yeah?
00:07:43All right, so, where's the microphone?
00:07:46So, what was it, so?
00:07:54Jesus, you bust my eardrum, you stupid Cockney wanker.
00:07:58Welcome to New Yorker!
00:07:59Like, we're meant to be in Ibiza.
00:08:01Now we know who the twat is, we can get on with it.
00:08:04Welcome to Ibiza, everyone.
00:08:05Next two weeks are going to change your life, so let's get ready to partake!
00:08:09Come on!
00:08:10Yay!
00:08:10We don't really need a crowd to help the water.
00:08:34Tell you what, there's some talent here today, mate.
00:08:42Well, don't let that up to me.
00:08:44Well, they might look like a bunch of Mingus to the untrained eye, but wait till the bar
00:08:50crawls.
00:08:51I'll tell you what, this thing can sniff out a shag at 30 feet, mate.
00:09:04Hope you took precautions at the airport.
00:09:07Yeah, yeah, I didn't give me number.
00:09:08Brad, any chance of getting on with things, please?
00:09:10Yes, yes, I'm going, I'm going now.
00:09:15Right, my name's Brad, and I'm your ever-friendly, ever-smiling rep from Young Free and Single,
00:09:21the most wildest holiday package in Ibiza.
00:09:23Now, raise your glasses, and I'll teach you the Spanish for cheers.
00:09:28Salute, salute, salute.
00:09:29Salute!
00:09:30Wow!
00:09:31And there's plenty more where that came from.
00:09:34Now, this is Sid.
00:09:35Now, Sid's here to make sure that you pay attention.
00:09:39So that nobody echoes me.
00:09:40Anybody gets leery, he spit.
00:09:42Now, you have been warned.
00:09:45Now, some basic rules.
00:09:48Be polite to anyone who's serving you food, especially if it's a rep, because you never
00:09:52know which one of us has been tossing the salad.
00:09:54So watch out for the mayonnaise, wouldn't you?
00:09:56Most of the staff here speak English.
00:09:58Isn't that right, Frank?
00:09:59Yes, you bloody want that.
00:10:01On a serious note, I know that some of yous are going to be tempted to use it, but
00:10:04you're going to be tempted to use illegal substances while you're here.
00:10:07If any of yous are caught with anything, then you'll be made to share it with us, you greedy
00:10:12bastards.
00:10:15Seriously, though, do not risk getting in trouble with the police.
00:10:18Now, before we go any further, I'd better introduce you to the crew.
00:10:21We've got the super sexy Heather, if you like to party.
00:10:24Lorraine, who'll help you recover the next day.
00:10:26Mario, who'll only break your heart.
00:10:28Mikey, who'll kiss it better.
00:10:30And Greg, who'll kiss anything.
00:10:32You're all savages, every single one of yous.
00:10:34You've so come to the right place.
00:10:36Young Korean single.
00:10:37This have it, love.
00:10:38Please.
00:10:39Come on.
00:10:40Come on.
00:10:41This have it.
00:10:42This have it.
00:10:43This have the best love.
00:10:44Thank you Tanya.
00:10:45And that's lovely.
00:10:47How are you holding her?
00:10:48Thank you Tanya.
00:10:50All right.
00:10:51Good.
00:10:52Good.
00:10:53Good.
00:10:54Good.
00:10:55Good.
00:10:56Good.
00:10:57Good, good dude.
00:10:58Good.
00:10:59Good.
00:11:00Good.
00:11:01Good.
00:11:02What the hell is it?
00:11:03Good.
00:11:04Brad, you were brilliant. You know that bit when you got Frank to call you a wanker?
00:11:09That was wicked, wasn't it?
00:11:10Thanks a lot, mate.
00:11:11Really good for a first time. How are you holding up?
00:11:12I'm knackered. I've got a flight in two hours, then I've got a bar crawl, and then I've got
00:11:15a flight first ring in the morning. I just don't know when I'm going to sleep.
00:11:18Curly did really well explaining those excursions. How were the sales?
00:11:21About 85%. Well, there's room for improvement then, isn't there?
00:11:25Bob did well, didn't he?
00:11:27Yeah, actually, can you guys just leave me and him alone? There's a few things in the
00:11:30square with him.
00:11:31All right, see you later.
00:11:32So, Brad, how did you think your part of the welcome meeting went?
00:11:35Well, I was nervous to start, but once a few jokes got laughed, so...
00:11:39By jokes, do you mean the soda siphon thing?
00:11:41I think it worked quite well, but I reckon I can improve it, right?
00:11:43Listen, what would you have done if someone had actually heckled?
00:11:46I suppose I'd have got squirted.
00:11:48Yeah, and then the place would have erupted, it would have been a free-for-all,
00:11:50everyone chucking drinks all over each other.
00:11:52No, see, if someone would have started echoing, I'd have wronged them, then I'd have put it to a vote.
00:11:56That way, if I did squirt someone, the group would have been on my side, see?
00:12:00Right, listen, Brad, you may have got top marks in your training, but I have got more experience.
00:12:03I've been in this job six years, okay?
00:12:05You're wrong.
00:12:06I don't want to see it again.
00:12:07It's got nothing to do with that.
00:12:08Jesus Christ, you just do as you're told.
00:12:10Who's the manager here, you or me?
00:12:11You are.
00:12:12And another thing, why didn't you introduce me to the clients?
00:12:15Are you embarrassed because I'm your manager because I'm a woman?
00:12:18No.
00:12:19I just...
00:12:20Brad, you've got two ears and a mouth using that ratio, all right?
00:12:24Look, I don't say these things to in arguments, Brad.
00:12:27I say them to help you.
00:12:28Just listen to what I've got to say, and one day you might be in my position.
00:12:31All right?
00:12:36Nice one.
00:12:37Come on, let's go and have a walk.
00:12:38Come on.
00:12:39It should be fine, don't worry about it.
00:12:40Yeah, I ain't, I ain't.
00:12:41No, I don't.
00:12:42Hello, Maria.
00:12:43Hello, Greg.
00:12:44Uh, Maria, this is, er, Bradley.
00:12:45Hello, Brad.
00:12:46Hello, mate.
00:12:47What?
00:12:48So, er, Brad will be playing with you?
00:12:51Yeah.
00:12:54Right, shall we go and pick a cow?
00:13:04Well, this is it, yeah?
00:13:05Is this a legendary competition?
00:13:07Come on, my son, this have it, this have it.
00:13:10Oh, what's this one here?
00:13:11Er, that's the Aston Martin.
00:13:12Well, it'll work with James Bond, it'll work with Bradley Street or Esquire.
00:13:15Right, what's the rules?
00:13:16Well, that's one point for the show.
00:13:18First to fifty.
00:13:19Fifty?
00:13:20So we all in them up?
00:13:21Oh, that's a fucking losing.
00:13:22I'm not interested.
00:13:23Not why I'm here.
00:13:24You'll soon change your tune, mate.
00:13:25All right, what about bonus points?
00:13:26Yeah, there's, er, one bonus point for missing the pink and parting the brown, all right?
00:13:28What are you on about?
00:13:29I think Greg's referring to the rusty bullet, old Mario.
00:13:30What?
00:13:31The chocolate starfish?
00:13:32Up your garden.
00:13:33The chocolate starfish?
00:13:34Up your garden.
00:13:35The chocolate starfish?
00:13:36The chocolate starfish?
00:13:37What?
00:13:38The chocolate starfish?
00:13:41If you get it in the dirt box.
00:13:42What do you mean, shoving it out of their arses?
00:13:44Are you all queer?
00:13:51What about freesomes?
00:13:52Ah, the old menage a trois.
00:13:54The holy grail men have searched for ever since you could watch the dads' porno movies.
00:13:57Now listen up, you lot.
00:13:59If any of you can get enough drink down the next to get them through the freesome, it's
00:14:02worth five bonus points, all right?
00:14:03Can't you guys talk about anything but sex?
00:14:06Like what?
00:14:07I dunno.
00:14:08Talk about the weather.
00:14:10Well, it's a nice night for the folk.
00:14:11So when do we start?
00:14:12Well, we have started.
00:14:13You, whoever Mario, are not invited.
00:14:14Why not?
00:14:15What character?
00:14:16Why not?
00:14:17Why can't I open it?
00:14:18Because the conversation requires a gentleman's agreement to be honest about points scored.
00:14:21You look like a cheating lying arsehole and just say anything to make up his own end.
00:14:23And you've got a tiny penis.
00:14:24What the fuck are you on about?
00:14:25There ain't nothing small about my dick, mate.
00:14:26Come on, look.
00:14:27Everyone thinks his is large.
00:14:28I've measured mine.
00:14:29It's a niner.
00:14:30I've measured mine.
00:14:31Millimetres or centimetres.
00:14:32I'll prove it any time.
00:14:33Why don't we all stand around and then we can get it out and verify your claim.
00:14:34Oh, yeah.
00:14:35Come on, look.
00:14:36No one's gonna go out and see it.
00:14:37Drop it out.
00:14:38Alright.
00:14:39What the fuck are you on about?
00:14:40What the fuck are you on about?
00:14:41There ain't nothing small about my dick, mate.
00:14:42Come on, look.
00:14:43Everyone thinks his is large.
00:14:44I've measured mine.
00:14:45It's a niner.
00:14:46Bulls.
00:14:47Millimetres or centimetres.
00:14:48I'll prove it any time.
00:14:49Alright.
00:14:50Why don't we all stand around and then we can get it out and verify your claim.
00:14:54Oh, yeah.
00:14:55Come on, look.
00:14:56No one's gonna go out and see it.
00:14:57Get it out.
00:14:58Drop it out.
00:14:59Alright.
00:15:00Robots.
00:15:01Have you seen that department?
00:15:02Mario appears to be telling the truth.
00:15:03Yeah.
00:15:04Still can't play though.
00:15:05Nah, I believe.
00:15:06This is Mario you're dealing with, eh?
00:15:07Fuck me.
00:15:29Come on, we'll get you some more.
00:15:30Come on, we'll get you some more.
00:15:31Come on, we'll get you some more.
00:15:32Come on, we'll get you some more.
00:15:33Come on, we'll get you some more.
00:15:36Come on, we'll get you some more.
00:15:38Come on, we'll get you some more.
00:15:40So I told him I wasn't gonna do that anymore.
00:15:42You know I'm just sick of it.
00:15:43What?
00:15:44Hi.
00:15:45So you working your way around all the girls in the bar then?
00:15:48No, only the ugly ones.
00:15:50Well you can get lost cause you're not pissed enough to take advantage of yet.
00:15:54Well don't worry, I need at least another ten more pints before me standards
00:15:58So where exactly did you two meet?
00:16:00Carmen helped me out of the airport.
00:16:02Since Grant had a premature arrivals problem.
00:16:04Well, it happens when I get excited.
00:16:06Poor impulse control.
00:16:07Well, practice makes perfect, isn't it?
00:16:09That's why God gave you a right hand, sweetheart.
00:16:11Then maybe you two should get a room.
00:16:17I've got to go. Nice to see you again.
00:16:18Yeah.
00:16:19So, you know Carmen Long?
00:16:29About two years. She's a family wreck.
00:16:35So what hotel did you work out there?
00:16:37I can pass her note at playtime if you like.
00:16:40What?
00:16:41Oh, fuck off.
00:16:43Right, put that time down. We've been here for 40 minutes.
00:16:49Hand everyone off and get them on to the next bar, alright?
00:16:59Everyone listen up. Do you have anyone here from Young, Free and Single?
00:17:05Jesus Christ, my granny's bingo grin makes more noise than that.
00:17:08I said, do you have anyone here from Young, Free and Single?
00:17:13I like it now. Get yourselves all to the Anders where the pie's really going to get going.
00:17:19Come on, move it!
00:17:24Oh, Greg, this place is a bit of a damp, isn't it?
00:17:26Yeah, well, we go where Alison tells us to, you know what I mean?
00:17:28What time do you call this? You're ten minutes late.
00:17:31How are you going to stay in another ten minutes?
00:17:32Come on, mate, what's your problem?
00:17:34Don't worry, man. It's going to be rocking in five minutes.
00:17:36Look at that. Isn't it amazing?
00:17:38Quite a wonder brand a bit of make-up can do, eh?
00:17:40Come on, son, let's get on the board early.
00:17:42Let's have it.
00:17:43Let's have it.
00:17:44Let's have it.
00:17:45Let's have it.
00:17:46Let's have it.
00:17:47Let's have it!
00:17:48Let's have it!
00:17:49Let's have it.
00:17:50Yeah, let's have it.
00:17:51Let's have it.
00:17:53Let's have it.
00:17:54Well, I'd not expect to know you a bit better.
00:17:57Well, I'd not expect to know you a bit better.
00:18:11See another side of you.
00:18:12How about my backside?
00:18:14You can watch it while I walk away.
00:18:22She is gorgeous.
00:18:25What would I do with that?
00:18:27Come to you quickly, Mario.
00:18:29You watch, you'll soon be patting my hands.
00:18:31If there's something in your hands tonight, mate, it'll be your dick.
00:18:34I'm not so sure, Brad.
00:18:35I mean, after all, Mario is a good-looking lad.
00:18:37Right, so he dresses a little strange.
00:18:39Yeah, but it's an expression of his personality, yeah.
00:18:41Yeah, just needs a little red nose to finish it off.
00:18:43Oh, fuck off.
00:18:45These trousers cost under 20 quid.
00:18:47And if you played more than the five in Mario, then you were done.
00:18:50Oh, and the fuck do you know about fashion?
00:18:53And my cousin runs one of the best clothes shops in King's Row.
00:18:55So, why don't you shop there?
00:18:58Yeah, well, uh, well, at least I can change my clothes.
00:19:01What are you going to do about your skin?
00:19:03It's Patricia, isn't it?
00:19:27Well, hello, Mikey.
00:19:31Did you come here to tell me how 3,000 people applied for 30 jobs
00:19:35and how thrilled any girl should be if a rep tries to chat her up?
00:19:40Listen, I apologize about Mario.
00:19:42He's what we call in the trade a bit of a wanker.
00:19:44A bit of a wanker?
00:19:45Okay, you're right.
00:19:46Mario's a total wanker.
00:19:48We're not all brainless idiots.
00:19:49So, you need brains for this job.
00:19:52Next, you'll be telling me you need A-levels to be a rep.
00:19:55What were yours in, Mikey?
00:19:57Sun-bailing and poncing drinks?
00:19:58No.
00:20:00I did my dissertation in those.
00:20:02My thesis was in making assumptions before you've got all the facts.
00:20:11Hey!
00:20:12Listen up, we've got to go back to the old house to get your nice things together.
00:20:14Come on, move in, people.
00:20:19Here we go.
00:20:23So, you've got a girlfriend then, Brad?
00:20:26No, no.
00:20:27I've had sex for over a year.
00:20:28Really?
00:20:29Why's that then?
00:20:30Brad, you've got to get over it, mate.
00:20:32I don't know, Mikey.
00:20:32I don't think now's the time, is it?
00:20:34Some girl break your heart or something, then?
00:20:36I'll come back.
00:20:37Mate, you've got to move on.
00:20:42I was in love with this girl.
00:20:46Everything was going great.
00:20:48And then she dumped me for this rugby player.
00:20:52I tried everything to get her back, everything.
00:20:55Two of his mates jumped me, and they kicked the shit out of me.
00:20:59You're perfect.
00:21:00I was in the hospital for ten weeks.
00:21:02Ten weeks.
00:21:03They said I'd never be able to get another erection.
00:21:04So they put this bar in it.
00:21:08Keeps it standing to attention.
00:21:09Stiff as a poker, night and day.
00:21:14So how do you have sex?
00:21:15I haven't.
00:21:18I mean, what if they start laughing at me?
00:21:21What if I can't take it?
00:21:23Mate, leave me.
00:21:24Excuse me, I'm really sorry, mate.
00:21:25I'm sorry.
00:21:26He's really sensitive, mate.
00:21:46Brad, I think I might be able to help.
00:21:49What?
00:21:50What do you reckon?
00:21:51I'm a nurse back home.
00:21:55Well, come.
00:21:56Come on, let's just see what you're doing.
00:22:05I'll give you a hand.
00:22:09Can you feel that?
00:22:11I'm here.
00:22:12Isn't that odd all the time?
00:22:13Yeah, yeah.
00:22:15All I have to do is just, like,
00:22:17just bend it forwards.
00:22:19And does it feel any different now?
00:22:22I don't know.
00:22:23It's hard.
00:22:24It's hard to tell.
00:22:27Linda, could I just...
00:22:29No, I'm sorry.
00:22:30Come on.
00:22:31Could I ask you a huge favour?
00:22:32It's just...
00:22:34I haven't...
00:22:35It's just...
00:22:37I haven't come since the operation, and...
00:22:41I...
00:22:41You bastard!
00:22:45I knew you were lying.
00:22:46Sorry.
00:22:46We're making a great team.
00:23:01It was like telepathy.
00:23:05Yeah, it was a laugh.
00:23:07Look, them birds was all over you.
00:23:08Why don't you come in on this competition?
00:23:11Brad, I've already told you, mate.
00:23:12I ain't interested.
00:23:12I'd just rather sleep with one girl 20 times than 20 girls once.
00:23:17Well, that's why I've come to my freezer, is it?
00:23:21Right now, all I want to do is have a laugh.
00:23:25And a threesome.
00:23:27I have a dream!
00:23:28I have a dream!
00:23:37Yes!
00:23:40All right, lads.
00:23:42Let's go for that fucking shite.
00:24:02Right, listen up!
00:24:04The beach party starts pretty soon, so get yourselves down to the beach and sort yourselves out, all right?
00:24:08And that's for you three, I tell you what, I'm going to throw that much fucking beer down your necks at this beach party,
00:24:12because you're going to be so fucking pissed, you won't know the difference between Megadeth and the fucking Spice Girls.
00:24:16One point Bradley, nice one son.
00:24:22But I'm still in the lead, though, mate, you see?
00:24:28Put me down for a point.
00:24:44Oh, what do you think?
00:24:44I don't know, Greg, what do you think?
00:24:47Well, that's much more fun watching them school, isn't it?
00:24:49Yeah, absolutely.
00:24:52Oh, come on, Greg, what's the matter with you?
00:24:54Are you afraid of some serious competition?
00:24:56I'm terrified, mate.
00:25:00Money on me also, and I'll tell you what.
00:25:02You make it with Lorraine, you're on the board.
00:25:05Lorraine?
00:25:05Oh, now, look at her.
00:25:08I swear if she's a nun, I'd have more chance with a lesbian.
00:25:10Oh, well.
00:25:14Oh, just like that image there, you know.
00:25:17So, Lorraine, it is.
00:25:19Get your boots under the bed and you're in.
00:25:20Ah, Patricia, you were coming and playing the game, weren't you, babe?
00:25:39No.
00:25:40Come on, let's bottle of wine.
00:25:41I'll even carry you.
00:25:42I'll carry you over.
00:25:43Come on.
00:25:43Come on, we'll go together.
00:25:45Just keep...
00:25:45Ow!
00:25:46Ah!
00:25:46Ah!
00:25:50He is unbelievable.
00:25:52He thinks he can just snap his fingers and I'll fall back with my legs split open.
00:25:56Yeah, well, Mario's homeless enough.
00:25:58Just want to win this stupid competition.
00:26:00Competition?
00:26:01Yeah, you know, so you can sleep with as many girls as possible.
00:26:04And you're not?
00:26:05Oh, definitely not.
00:26:08So why are you here then?
00:26:09Basically, I, um, got shafted on a business deal.
00:26:13Yeah, I lost all my money.
00:26:16Needed to get away.
00:26:17So I'm definitely not here to add notches to my bedpost.
00:26:23So you're saying you don't want to sleep with me?
00:26:25No.
00:26:25Well, yeah, no.
00:26:28Um, look, Patricia, can I take my foot out and start again?
00:26:31Give it your best shot, Mikey.
00:26:33Well, I'm attracted to you, but not in that sort of way.
00:26:37Oh, I get it.
00:26:38You want to get to know the real me, share thoughts about world hunger, become my soulmate in two weeks.
00:26:44Is that it?
00:26:44Oh, shit.
00:26:51Patricia, look, I know I'm making a book of myself, and all those things you said, they're all corny and crazy,
00:26:55but the long and short of it is that they do find you attractive.
00:26:58And even though sleeping with you isn't at the top of my agenda,
00:27:01I'd be lying if I said that it hadn't crossed my mind.
00:27:04I'm Mikey.
00:27:06Get your ass over here.
00:27:07Oh, cheers, Mario.
00:27:20All right.
00:27:22We haven't really had a chance to chat, me and you.
00:27:24No, I guess we haven't.
00:27:25Both of you need to be a bit busy, eh?
00:27:27Well, it's not because I ain't wanted to.
00:27:28Yeah, me too.
00:27:29You've caught some sun.
00:27:33Makes you look sexy.
00:27:36Yeah.
00:27:37Compared to most of the girls here, I look like a right old scrubber.
00:27:40You shouldn't put yourself down.
00:27:42Now, listen.
00:27:44You're a beautiful, beautiful girl.
00:27:46Want some wine?
00:27:53That'd be lovely, babe.
00:27:54Yeah.
00:27:55There you go.
00:27:56Cheers.
00:27:57Cheers.
00:28:01So, how are you finding the job?
00:28:02Oh, I love it.
00:28:03You know, I figure a few years as this and graduate up to resort manager
00:28:06and then back to England to work at head office.
00:28:08Oh, that's great.
00:28:09Yeah, I really want to make a go of it, you know.
00:28:10I love that you see Taika.
00:28:13What?
00:28:13I thought, you know, you invited me up here.
00:28:17Yeah, yeah, I know.
00:28:18It's just, well, I like to build up to things.
00:28:21You know, get in the mood.
00:28:23Sure, all right, yeah.
00:28:24That's all right.
00:28:25I understand.
00:28:29So, is it true what they say about your, er...
00:28:31Absolutely.
00:28:33Would you get out for me and let me see it?
00:28:35What?
00:28:37Just, you know, let me see it.
00:28:41You know, what?
00:28:43Oh, God.
00:28:45Oh, God.
00:28:52Yeah?
00:28:54Oh.
00:28:56Yeah, Mary, I want you to sit over there where I can, er...
00:29:00watch you touch yourself.
00:29:02What are you on about?
00:29:03Well, you know, touch yourself.
00:29:05It would really turn me on watching you.
00:29:07I, er...
00:29:07Well, I'll join in later.
00:29:09Promise.
00:29:12You dirty bitch.
00:29:15You want a piece of me, do you?
00:29:17Yeah.
00:29:18You want a piece of Mario, do you?
00:29:20Oh, I bet you love it dirty, don't you?
00:29:25Dirty and sweaty and scratchy and...
00:29:29Dirty but nice.
00:29:30I'm a paradox.
00:29:31I'm like a...
00:29:32I'm a poet.
00:29:33Yeah.
00:29:34I'm like, I can run hot and cold.
00:29:36Hot and cold.
00:29:36Mario.
00:29:37Soft and hard.
00:29:38Mario.
00:29:38There's something else I want you to do for me.
00:29:40Can you put these on?
00:29:46There's some marks.
00:29:48Yeah?
00:29:49Like, like a wall.
00:29:50Mario.
00:29:51Oh, my...
00:29:53Oh, no.
00:29:57Oh.
00:30:00You didn't.
00:30:02No, you must be kidding.
00:30:04That's what the mother's on.
00:30:05He's at the door like a flash.
00:30:06All right, that's two points for the underwear.
00:30:08And one for howling like a dog.
00:30:12Right.
00:30:13Who's next?
00:30:18Oh, this is the best bit, mate.
00:30:20Makes me all tingly inside to imagine what these birds are going to look like.
00:30:29Shit, it's useless, mate.
00:30:31Yeah, well, I'm listening to you.
00:30:31I don't get it.
00:30:57I mean, we've got hot and cold running women, and you're stuck on this girl who doesn't,
00:31:02you know, excuse me for saying this, mate, really seem all that interested in you.
00:31:06Look, Brad, all I know is I'm not interested, mate, in a girl I can't be asked to talk to
00:31:10in the morning.
00:31:11What's the point?
00:31:13Two if you're clever.
00:31:14Five if you can talk her mate into it.
00:31:15Five if you're good.
00:31:16Five if you're dead.
00:31:41Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
00:31:53Take more than that to scare me.
00:31:55What can I do for you?
00:31:56I need a quick word, but it's a bit delicate.
00:31:58OK, I'll come to my room.
00:32:00I think you do a great job.
00:32:02It must be really tough being a resort manager.
00:32:05Yeah, it can get hard.
00:32:07Has something come up?
00:32:09I mean, has anything popped up?
00:32:11What can I do for you, Mario?
00:32:13It's just, um, well, like I say, it is a bit delicate.
00:32:17Well, I'm probably just imagining it.
00:32:20Sit down.
00:32:22Now, listen, I'm not only your boss, I'm also your friend.
00:32:26Um, it's Lorraine.
00:32:29Lorraine? What's she done?
00:32:30Well, nothing yet, it's just that she's...
00:32:32She's coming on to me.
00:32:34I think she ought to do.
00:32:37Right, well, I'll have a word with her.
00:32:39Oh, no, no, no, no, you don't have to do that.
00:32:40It's just, I just wanted to make you aware of it, just in case, you know, it gets out of hand.
00:32:45OK, well, if you're sure.
00:32:46Well, if it carries on, make sure you come and see me, all right?
00:32:49Will do.
00:32:50Cheers, Alison.
00:32:50Good-looking and clever.
00:33:01Good-looking and clever.
00:33:01Stand up, come and get up.
00:33:28Get up there, get up there.
00:33:29Get up there.
00:33:30Get up there.
00:33:31All right, ladies.
00:33:32Hands up, straight up in the air, like...
00:33:33Ladies, lean forward a little bit more.
00:33:34You ready?
00:33:35Ready?
00:33:36Ready, bro.
00:33:37Whoa.
00:33:38Let's get, let's give it a go, let's get.
00:33:40Oh, goodness, Brad, tell me, what do you think?
00:33:42Don't get me wrong, you're definitely a four.
00:33:44But, I mean, here, we've got nice...
00:33:46Well, don't worry.
00:33:47Here, we've got nice balance.
00:33:48Yeah.
00:33:49They're firm, they've got good density.
00:33:50Yeah.
00:33:51Eye wobbler billy.
00:33:52And, you know, mate, I really do agree, but I think that your bra are impeded at the moment.
00:33:56I'm going to have to give you five points.
00:33:57Five point six.
00:33:58I think you're better than that.
00:33:59Hold on.
00:34:00I'll take it out.
00:34:01Take that.
00:34:02Oh.
00:34:03Oh, that is so much better.
00:34:04Yeah.
00:34:05The support was definitely swinging things.
00:34:06Yeah.
00:34:07I'm going to give them an eight, ladies and gentlemen.
00:34:09It's Derby!
00:34:16How's it going?
00:34:17It's not, I've got every trick in the book here.
00:34:32Oi, you.
00:34:33Four out of ten?
00:34:34Oh, you're shocking, that is.
00:34:35I want another go.
00:34:36Well, I'm sorry, but the judges' decision is final.
00:34:37Do you know what I mean?
00:34:38Um, anyway, if I touch your tits, your mate's going to get jealous, ain't ya?
00:34:39Trudy won't get jealous.
00:34:40Will you, Trudy?
00:34:41Yes.
00:34:42Right, right.
00:34:43Well.
00:34:44So, I'm both.
00:34:45I'm neither of you.
00:34:46What's it going to be?
00:34:47Let's go.
00:34:48Looks like you've got your hands full, Brad.
00:34:49So you won't be coming to Pasha with the rest of us tonight.
00:34:51Listen, listen, girls.
00:34:52I've just got to go and make sure she's got enough tickets for Pasha, yeah?
00:34:53Just wait, wait, wait.
00:34:54Wait.
00:34:55Wait.
00:34:56Wait.
00:34:57Wait.
00:34:58Wait.
00:34:59Wait.
00:35:00Wait.
00:35:01Wait.
00:35:02Wait.
00:35:03Wait.
00:35:04What's it going to be?
00:35:05Let's go.
00:35:06Looks like you've got your hands full, Brad.
00:35:07So you won't be coming to Pasha with the rest of us tonight.
00:35:10Listen, listen, girls.
00:35:11We've just got to go and make sure she's got enough tickets for Pasha, yeah?
00:35:12Just wait.
00:35:13Wait.
00:35:14Wait.
00:35:15Wait.
00:35:16Wait.
00:35:17Just, man, and he's got one of them.
00:35:18He's got one of them.
00:35:19He's got two of them on the go and they're behind the go.
00:35:20I'm serious, man.
00:35:21I walked past them twice, I don't even look at them.
00:35:22Wait.
00:35:23Wait.
00:35:24Wait.
00:35:25Wait.
00:35:26Wait.
00:35:27Wait.
00:35:28Wait.
00:35:29Wait.
00:35:30Wait.
00:35:31Wait.
00:35:32Wait.
00:35:33Wait.
00:35:34Wait.
00:35:35Wait.
00:35:36Wait.
00:35:37Wait.
00:35:38Wait.
00:35:39Wait.
00:35:40Leave her man, she's a rep, she knows her score.
00:35:44Basically, every day you get a five-pointer on your hand now, is it? Come on!
00:35:47Ah, shit!
00:35:49Yeah, have a dab on this with you.
00:35:51OK, a bit.
00:35:53Right, now get them bladded and do the business, come on!
00:35:56I'll tell you what, I've got a bit of one, yeah?
00:35:58Let's have one of these, eh?
00:35:59I'm all right.
00:36:00Well, come on, what's the matter with you? Yeah?
00:36:02Well, I've never done them before, have I?
00:36:04You what?
00:36:05Yeezy's having it, haven't we?
00:36:07Well, I've just never really fancied it, that's all.
00:36:09Well, it's just, no-one knows what they do to you, did he?
00:36:11Greg, Greg, trust me on this one, mate.
00:36:13Weez is much worse for you.
00:36:14And booze, booze just focus on your brain, your liver, kidneys, spleen, the lot.
00:36:17Your whole body is like one big fucking original son.
00:36:20You can't come, but when you do...
00:36:22It's not gonna make me a skitch or anything, is it?
00:36:26No, look, I'll tell you what, look, take it off.
00:36:28If you like it, have another half late.
00:36:30Well, what was that bit about the sexing?
00:36:31Yeah?
00:36:33Yeah.
00:36:34Yeah.
00:36:35Come on!
00:36:36Come on, pop it, come on, let's have it.
00:36:37Come on!
00:36:38Come on!
00:36:39Let's have it.
00:36:40A bit more to do it for ages, anyway.
00:36:41Come on, let's have it!
00:36:42Come on, let's have it!
00:36:49Yeah, Greg, the rain's in the bag, mate.
00:36:51What?
00:36:52That's right, I pulled her last night.
00:36:53Barlow!
00:36:54That's right up!
00:36:55I won't need more evidence than that, mate.
00:36:57Sorry.
00:36:58Sorry.
00:36:59Alright.
00:37:00Wait here.
00:37:09Yeah, Lorraine.
00:37:10Lorraine, come on down.
00:37:11Come on, Lorraine.
00:37:12Come on!
00:37:18You love it!
00:37:28You love it!
00:37:29You love it!
00:37:30You love it, man!
00:37:31I don't know what's going on!
00:37:35I don't know what the people are doing!
00:37:40You love it!
00:37:45Oh, my God.
00:38:15Oh, ouch. Oh, I felt that.
00:38:27It's amazing the number of people who catch themselves on the edge there.
00:38:31How's your head?
00:38:32I've never had any plates, will you tell me?
00:38:35Now we're going.
00:38:38Oh.
00:38:39Oh.
00:38:41Oh, yeah.
00:38:42Oh, that's good.
00:38:43Oh, that.
00:38:43Oh.
00:38:44Oh.
00:38:45Oh, that is good.
00:38:46That's got 150 per se per person written all over it, baby.
00:38:51250.
00:38:53Mikey, there you are.
00:38:56What are you doing?
00:38:57Not whipping out, are we?
00:38:59No, I was just learning about negotiating skills.
00:39:03All work and no play makes Mikey say.
00:39:08What does it make Mikey?
00:39:09Whoa.
00:39:11Confused.
00:39:11Nervous?
00:39:14But you don't have to be nervous, Mikey.
00:39:17Not with me.
00:39:19Come on, let's take a walk.
00:39:23Five.
00:39:23Ah, 175.
00:39:25I can't rehire.
00:39:26Ah!
00:39:26It's just a shame.
00:39:29We've got to be the next one in a few minutes.
00:39:32Pay me 200.
00:39:34Okay, final offer.
00:39:35200 per se.
00:39:35It's for every kind of bringing.
00:39:37Go down to that.
00:39:38Oh, and you know how much I like going down.
00:39:41Oh, yeah.
00:39:42Yeah.
00:39:43Oh, come on, baby.
00:39:44Come on.
00:39:44Oh, it's so good.
00:39:45Oh, yeah.
00:39:46200 per se per person.
00:39:50He was just getting too possessive.
00:39:52I thought he owned me.
00:39:54How long's it since he split?
00:39:55A month.
00:39:57I mean, it was hard, but...
00:39:58Well, sometimes when the soul of a relationship dies, you've just got to let it go.
00:40:03You know, you are so right.
00:40:05Sometimes you just have to move on.
00:40:07Do something out of character.
00:40:09Do something out of character.
00:40:39Alison, it's the rain.
00:40:57Okay.
00:41:03Alison?
00:41:04Okay.
00:41:09Oh.
00:41:18I heard she stays.
00:41:24Sit down.
00:41:33I hope you realise you've not only shown yourself up, but also the company.
00:41:36Sorry?
00:41:39What made you think someone like Mario's going to see anything in someone like you?
00:41:42What are you talking about?
00:41:44Last night, Lorraine.
00:41:44Everyone saw you.
00:41:45Saw me what?
00:41:46I've got to say, Lorraine.
00:41:47It's going to be so much easier if you just told the truth.
00:41:48You were kissing him.
00:41:49No, no, no.
00:41:50I didn't kiss Mario.
00:41:51Look that way to me.
00:41:52I think he's a creep, Alison.
00:41:53I wouldn't go near him.
00:41:55Listen, love.
00:41:55I understand.
00:41:56He's a good-looking bloke.
00:41:57But someone like you's going to fall for him.
00:41:58I mean, he even told me.
00:41:59I told you.
00:42:00Tell me.
00:42:01What's the fucking bastard been saying about me?
00:42:03That fucking bastard, Lorraine, defended you.
00:42:06He told me you were coming on to him, and I believe him.
00:42:08Coming on to him?
00:42:09No, I don't believe this.
00:42:09Can we just get Mario up here, Alison?
00:42:12Listen, I've never thought about this long and hard, and I'm going to have to let you go.
00:42:14What?
00:42:15You know the rules about fraternising with other reps.
00:42:17Leads to bad feelings and undermines working as a team.
00:42:21You bitch.
00:42:22What?
00:42:23You don't have a clue.
00:42:24I mean, you don't care about the holiday makers.
00:42:25Because you just want to stuff as much money into your own pockets as you can.
00:42:28You make me fucking sick, Alison.
00:42:38Right?
00:42:39You all right?
00:42:42You're up a good rip, aren't you?
00:42:45Yes.
00:42:47Right, but I just don't seem to think so.
00:42:51Well, why?
00:42:54She just sacked me, Brad.
00:42:56What's going on?
00:42:59She thinks I've been coming to Mario in an IA.
00:43:01I told her she wouldn't listen to me.
00:43:03Look, this is ridiculous.
00:43:06Look, you know what she's like.
00:43:07Let's go and stop it out.
00:43:08No, Brad, I've got to go.
00:43:09It's no good.
00:43:09Hang on a second.
00:43:26Hang on a second.
00:43:27I thought I'd let you know.
00:43:57I've let Lorraine go.
00:43:59Shit.
00:44:01That's terrible.
00:44:02Mario, don't blame yourself.
00:44:03It had to be done.
00:44:04I know someone like you's going to feel bad about it,
00:44:06but it's my decision, so just try and forget it, okay?
00:44:09I just think the other reps are going to take it badly.
00:44:10I don't care.
00:44:11What do the other reps think?
00:44:12I'm in charge.
00:44:13I really admire you, Alison.
00:44:15Well, that's a tough fucking job,
00:44:16keeping everything running so well.
00:44:17Shit.
00:44:20If anyone finds out about this,
00:44:23I'll deny it and sack you.
00:44:26What?
00:44:26This is not on the school sheet.
00:44:40Would you like experimenting, Mario?
00:44:42Yeah, babe. Anything you want?
00:44:55Ow!
00:44:55All right, boys?
00:45:01So, someone died?
00:45:02Lorraine's been sacked.
00:45:04What about what's she done?
00:45:05Apparently she was coming up to Mario in a bar.
00:45:08Oh, no.
00:45:09Fuck.
00:45:11Man, that wasn't supposed to happen.
00:45:12What?
00:45:13What wasn't supposed to happen?
00:45:14He's a lying fucking scumbag.
00:45:15He's taking the piss out of us.
00:45:16You're taking the piss out yourself if you get sacked on your child.
00:45:19If you do Mario over now, forget getting fired.
00:45:23You might even end up in a nickname.
00:45:26Come on, son.
00:45:27It's winding me up.
00:45:29But you're right.
00:45:31It's better to it than where it hurts most.
00:45:32I've just got to buy me time.
00:45:35Pick me moment.
00:45:35It's better to it than where it hurts most.
00:45:36I've just got to get you in.
00:45:37It's better to it.
00:45:38I've just got to get you in.
00:45:38It's better to get you out of the way.
00:45:39You know he said that yoghurt was a good cure for sunburn.
00:46:04Yeah, a lot for sunburn leaf, yeah.
00:46:06Yeah.
00:46:07Does it matter what flavour you get?
00:46:08No, natural's usually the best.
00:46:10Oh, shit.
00:46:11I hate natural yoghurt.
00:46:12You're not supposed to eat it.
00:46:14What are you supposed to do with it?
00:46:16Well, you're supposed to rub it round your balls and your armpits, aren't you?
00:46:19All right.
00:46:20Leave him alone, you twats.
00:46:21Don't listen to him, Nick.
00:46:22He's white.
00:46:23He's right again.
00:46:28Your ticket for you, Friday night, Eden.
00:46:29It's a good night.
00:46:30You've got to get there early, get some drinks in.
00:46:32One for you.
00:46:33Ticket for you.
00:46:34I hope you realise it's a criminal offence to impersonate a YFNS rep.
00:46:39What gave me away?
00:46:40Talk without drooling?
00:46:41That and the fact that you're far too ugly to work for us.
00:46:44Well, I swapped sides.
00:46:46What?
00:46:47Nothing, nothing.
00:46:48I'm just...
00:46:49I'm just seeing what images come to mind with that phrase.
00:46:51Heather set it up.
00:46:53They needed someone in a hurry to replace Lorraine, and frankly, I was bored with dealing with
00:46:56snotty-nosed kids and calling out bingo numbers every Wednesday night.
00:46:59Well, are you trained?
00:47:00Oh, yeah.
00:47:01I can fart the national anthem and vomit over three feet.
00:47:04With you, darling, any bodily fluid is more than welcome.
00:47:08Hey, Mikey.
00:47:09Thanks.
00:47:10Dear Mikey, it seems so long since I saw you.
00:47:23What we had was great and you'll always be a friend, but Geoff really needs me.
00:47:28I'm so confused, but I think I have to give it another try.
00:47:33What?
00:47:34Oh, you stupid.
00:47:35Mate, you weren't alright, mate?
00:47:48Mike, you all right, mate?
00:48:04Is that a pleasure to see Brad?
00:48:05Or are you genuinely interested?
00:48:08What's the matter with you?
00:48:12Facts.
00:48:12It's so cold.
00:48:14That read it you've been moving over a dumpster, has it?
00:48:16Go back to a boyfriend?
00:48:17Yeah.
00:48:19Let me guess.
00:48:20What we had together was special, ya-da-da-da,
00:48:22but my boyfriend's changed, ya-da-da-da, he really loves me.
00:48:25But we can still be friends.
00:48:26Good night, Vienna.
00:48:27How's your word out?
00:48:28That happened to me my first month.
00:48:30I mean, we work here.
00:48:31We get blase about a beefer.
00:48:33And for the majority of Brits,
00:48:34it's a million miles away from their real world.
00:48:36I mean, sure, while they're here, it seems like love will find a way,
00:48:39but at the end of the day, they go on.
00:48:41Back to the normal lines, you know?
00:48:44And when they think about what they've done
00:48:45or people have turned into an holiday,
00:48:46it scares the fucking shit out of them.
00:48:48All they want to do is scurry back to the little comfort zones,
00:48:50and that includes an old boyfriend, it's tough to you, mate.
00:48:55Well, it's pretty deep for you, Greg.
00:48:57Yeah, well, don't go tell anyone.
00:48:58I've got a reputation to protect.
00:48:59Anyway, come on.
00:49:02Season's still young.
00:49:03Plenty more points to be had and all that.
00:49:04Yep, coming.
00:49:05I'm going to put you down to a point, Mike.
00:49:07Well, you'd better make that too.
00:49:11You dirty old man.
00:49:13But anyway, look, check this out.
00:49:15This is going to cheer you up, I guarantee you.
00:49:17Mario would be lucky to get a shag off a blow-up doll, aren't we this?
00:49:20Mario!
00:49:41Mariano!
00:50:11Mariano!
00:50:41Mariano!
00:51:11Mariano!
00:51:38Mariano!
00:51:41Bikini line needs doing.
00:51:54Willy needs extending.
00:51:57Here, bro, look.
00:52:04All right, listen up, everyone.
00:52:06OK, everyone that's going on the Boogie Nights porn star party,
00:52:10can you just gather round?
00:52:12I need to check your names off.
00:52:14Now, anyone that needs to be sorted out with 70s clothes and wigs
00:52:18can give your names to me now.
00:52:19So, council meds and...
00:52:21RAAAGH!
00:52:37That's it, Aggie, bro.
00:52:40I need to check with me.
00:52:42I need to check my names off.
00:52:42I need to check my names off.
00:52:43I need to check the thump.
00:52:44It's hard for me.
00:52:45It's hard for you business to get your names off.
00:52:46Tell me thisенить.
00:52:46人民 van AmerikaTCL potty
00:52:51THEY CHAPTER
00:53:00Youtuber
00:53:01phere
00:53:03Amsterdam
00:53:03This Willy
00:53:05GTA
00:53:06로
00:53:07whoa
00:53:07Well boys this competition is proven too easy for me so I thought I'd give you two losers
00:53:20a chance to catch up well I've got a new competition why don't we get 10 bonus points
00:53:25for going a week without a shag don't you think that would be a lot harder?
00:53:29Blasphemer no and what I thought it could do is have like a phrase in a week and when
00:53:34you shag a bird you get the bird to sing while you're, you know, jewellery what sort of phrase?
00:53:40Well I thought we could start with fluffy flops what?
00:53:44Fluffy flops you know it doesn't matter how you get her to say it as long as you don't mention the competition alright?
00:53:51Fluffy flops yeah Greg you're probably the sickest man I love
00:53:56Cheers mate
00:54:04I love the stars
00:54:06Yes only love can break your heart
00:54:10But in your world
00:54:12Right now it's after three I want to see these points allow me to disappear alright?
00:54:15One, two, three
00:54:17Come on boys get em down now
00:54:19Get em down now
00:54:21Right listen up everybody tonight we are going to Eden which is one of the maddest baddest loudest off your head clubs in Ibiza and it is gonna be a large one so if you haven't got a ticket shake your stuff over to me
00:54:39I think he's had enough
00:54:57Brad what you doing?
00:54:59He's had enough
00:55:00And are you his mother?
00:55:01No
00:55:02Listen I don't hear it your job is to make sure these clients have a good time and buy a lot of drinks
00:55:06Jamie
00:55:07Jamie
00:55:08Where's my ticket?
00:55:09Do you think I should?
00:55:10Well it is alright I'll look after I'm going with you that's alright
00:55:11You got it?
00:55:12Yeah
00:55:13Sorry
00:55:14Hello darling
00:55:15Hello Paul
00:55:16You alright chickens?
00:55:17Good sleep
00:55:18Alright love
00:55:19Yeah you alright
00:55:20Now they are fit
00:55:21Are they coming to Eden tonight?
00:55:22Probably
00:55:23Lay up for it
00:55:24I don't know
00:55:25I don't know
00:55:26I don't know
00:55:27I don't know
00:55:28Well they are fit
00:55:29Are they coming to Eden tonight?
00:55:30Probably
00:55:31Well they are fit
00:55:32Are they coming to Eden tonight?
00:55:33Probably
00:55:34Probably
00:55:35Lay up for it
00:55:36Up for it
00:55:37Listen lovers
00:55:38I've just got the pacemaker fitted right
00:55:41This could be my last ever holiday
00:55:43So believe me
00:55:44I am up
00:55:45For anything
00:55:47See you later
00:55:49See you later
00:55:53Now that's got to be worth a bonus point
00:56:19You alright?
00:56:20Yeah I am mate
00:56:21This club is fantastic
00:56:22And the beach is great man
00:56:23You're the fucking best
00:56:24Right listen listen
00:56:25We're going to go and spin down
00:56:26We're going to go over here
00:56:27Come and follow me yeah?
00:56:28Yeah
00:56:29Yeah
00:56:30What's that?
00:56:31What's that?
00:56:32What's that?
00:56:33What's that?
00:56:34Have a little drop of water
00:56:35Have a little drop of water
00:56:36Then we're going to have a little dance
00:56:37Get with the polar cat and the bird
00:56:38Yeah?
00:56:39What's that?
00:56:40What's that?
00:56:41What's that?
00:56:42What's that?
00:56:43Have a little drop of water
00:56:44Have a little drop of water
00:56:45Then we're going to have a little dance
00:56:46Get with the polar cat and the bird
00:56:47Yeah?
00:56:49Come on
00:56:54No
00:56:57No
00:56:58No
00:56:59No
00:57:00No
00:57:01No
00:57:02No
00:57:03No
00:57:06No
00:57:07No
00:57:08No
00:57:09No
00:57:10No
00:57:11It's wicked man
00:57:12It's liquid ecstasy
00:57:13Show it out man
00:57:14Come on
00:57:16Come on
00:57:17Come on, then, girl.
00:57:20Yeah, down, you girl. Come on.
00:57:22Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it!
00:57:27Come on, come on! Let's dance!
00:57:29Let's do it!
00:57:43So, what are you thinking of Brad?
00:57:45Yeah, he's a laugh!
00:57:47Don't you fancy him, then?
00:57:49Brad?
00:57:50No!
00:57:51No, we're just good mates.
00:57:53Why are you asking me?
00:57:55Well, you and him are pretty tight.
00:57:57I thought that maybe not.
00:57:59No, no, no.
00:58:00He's too much for boys, you know what I mean?
00:58:02He's a sweetie, though.
00:58:04I think he really cares.
00:58:06The only thing he cares about is winning that competition.
00:58:10I think he's a little girl that we've ever
00:58:12To get the loose and be wild for a sign
00:58:16Whispering words of forever
00:58:18She's pretty cool, isn't she?
00:58:20Oh!
00:58:21Mother Teresa, who do you think?
00:58:24Carmen?
00:58:25Yeah, yeah.
00:58:26She's a good laugh, yeah.
00:58:27So you like her, then?
00:58:28No, I ain't really thought of her, you know.
00:58:30Anyway, you can't screw the crew.
00:58:32You know something, mate?
00:58:33You two are so into each other
00:58:34You can't see past your noses.
00:58:36We're just good friends.
00:58:37You don't screw friends, right?
00:58:39You want to know what it is, mate?
00:58:41Okay, Dr. Freud, enlighten me.
00:58:43She stimulates this, and not just this.
00:58:47Bollocks.
00:58:48The truth is, we're just good friends who have a laugh.
00:58:52End of story.
00:58:53Well, I ain't got many mates that give me a 24-hour boner, that's for sure.
00:58:57And I thought I really meant something to you.
00:59:00Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:59:30Zzz The
00:59:38以上
00:59:41It's
00:59:48Ha, ha, ha.
00:59:50This is
00:59:51Ha, ha, ha.
00:59:53I love you, too.
01:00:23I just feel like I won't get you out of my mind
01:00:29I feel love for the first time
01:00:32And I know that it's true
01:00:35I can't tell by the look in your eyes
01:00:39I better sort him out, he's out way too much, isn't he?
01:00:57Alright, you alright, mate?
01:00:59It's like you're on, yeah?
01:01:03Jeez
01:01:04Oh, my God, my God
01:01:06You're fucking great
01:01:10Oi, come over here, man
01:01:14Right, come see this, man
01:01:15Alright, alright, keep the noise down, will you?
01:01:24You're the fucking best, mate
01:01:26The fucking best
01:01:28I just need you to wait here, mate
01:01:29I won't be a minute, don't go anywhere
01:01:31Wait here
01:01:36What the fuck's going on?
01:01:43It was a look up, mate
01:01:44We were shagging her, weren't we?
01:01:46Don't worry, mate
01:01:46You're up next
01:01:47What's she on?
01:01:50Booze, man
01:01:50Bit of GHB, something like that
01:01:52What?
01:01:52Makes them all near as rabbits, mate
01:01:54Did she mention anything that makes her different from any other girls?
01:01:57Oh, you're not telling me she's a sex change, man
01:01:59Oh, no!
01:02:01She's got a fucking pacemaker
01:02:02Oh, really?
01:02:04Fuck off
01:02:04You're having a laugh on you?
01:02:08No
01:02:09Can I please make a baby?
01:02:12Oh, shit
01:02:13Hip-Hop, can you go and sort it out, please?
01:02:16Yeah, he's going to croak at any friggin' minute, alright?
01:02:18Oh, shit, no way
01:02:20Right, get her clothes on
01:02:21Put your top on, mate
01:02:25Fuck off
01:02:26Come here, look, just put your top on
01:02:27Oi, oi
01:02:28Oi, what are you doing?
01:02:30You're supposed to
01:02:31I don't want to go
01:02:34I want to stay with these
01:02:36Where are they going?
01:02:38See you later, babe
01:02:39See you later
01:02:39Sorry, I didn't know
01:02:41Catch on your head
01:02:41Right, please
01:02:42Oh, fuck
01:02:44Oh, mate
01:02:46Oi
01:02:48Oi
01:02:49You just look and soak that out, alright?
01:02:51Oi, you bastards
01:02:53Quick, quick, yeah, yeah
01:02:55Yeah
01:02:55You bastards
01:02:56Can you just, uh, all right
01:02:58Just look after
01:02:59Oi, oi
01:03:00I was enjoying that
01:03:01I've got, I've got
01:03:02Go and keep me on, Nick, alright?
01:03:03Oi, oi
01:03:04I'm on the floor
01:03:05I'm having a holiday
01:03:06I'm fucking
01:03:06Where is she?
01:03:07I don't know
01:03:07It's some bird just talking back into town
01:03:09Oh, fuck
01:03:10Don't go, don't
01:03:11Hey, what are you, big bugger?
01:03:13Hey, oi
01:03:14Oi
01:03:15Oi
01:03:16Oi, come here
01:03:34Oi, come here
01:03:38Listen, I'm looking for Carmen
01:03:50You might see her anywhere, yeah?
01:03:51Have you seen her?
01:03:52Yeah
01:03:53Woah, woah, woah
01:04:03So, woah
01:04:04Good night now, love, eh?
01:04:14Is this our room?
01:04:15Yeah
01:04:16Yeah, I'm sure it is, yeah
01:04:17Hiya
01:04:20What are you two doing here?
01:04:23You all right?
01:04:24Oh, fuck not, I feel terrible
01:04:27God, I hope I didn't do anything bad last night
01:04:29What, you don't remember?
01:04:32Er, I was just going out for a drink and then, er
01:04:36I thought I did that stuff
01:04:40Shit!
01:04:41Shit!
01:04:42Don't worry about it, mate, don't worry
01:04:44Cos no one else will remember nothing anyway, will they?
01:04:46No
01:04:47Oh, God, I hope not
01:04:48I couldn't look her in the face
01:04:52I'll tell you what, you don't worry yourself, but try taking it a little bit easier next time, yeah?
01:04:56Yeah
01:04:56Yeah
01:04:57Yeah
01:04:58Fine, you won't do your own, there you go
01:04:59All right, yeah, yeah, cheers
01:05:00See you later, see you later
01:05:01See you later, mate
01:05:02Yeah
01:05:02Fuck no, this is getting really out of here
01:05:06Oh, it's still gonna be two pints, though, huh?
01:05:07Well, it's the ambulance, bro
01:05:08It's two fucking pints, bro
01:05:09Can you go away?
01:05:10Er, it's a false alarm
01:05:11Sorry, erm, you're not needed?
01:05:13No, no, no, no, you're not needed, okay?
01:05:14What's that, man?
01:05:15What's going on?
01:05:16Everyone's going around here, bro
01:05:17Spielberg
01:05:18What's, what's happened?
01:05:20W-what's, what's...
01:05:21What's...
01:05:23What's...
01:05:24What's going on?
01:05:25What's going on right here, bro
01:05:28What...
01:05:30What's, what's...
01:05:34W-what's...
01:05:35W-W-why's
01:05:36Stling out of here
01:05:38W-what's happened, w-what's...
01:05:39W-what's...
01:05:43W-what's...
01:05:47Oh shit, oh shit.
01:05:58You found him in his room, he choked on his own woman.
01:06:03I tried to get him to go home, I suss.
01:06:06It's not your fault, I told him to stop, I swear.
01:06:17You out there now?
01:06:28I haven't got time for this Brad.
01:06:30What like, you didn't have time for me last night?
01:06:31I told you them boys had had enough.
01:06:33Listen, I've had head office on the phone all day, the parents might sue us.
01:06:36Well I hope you realise that in my report I'll be telling them you made me get him so drunk he couldn't stand up.
01:06:40Oh really?
01:06:41Well newsflash Brad, what you do as a rep in your hotel is down to you and if you go out of state of company policy...
01:06:46Don't you care that a boy is dead because you forced me to pump him so full of booze just so he could get your little bran envelope.
01:06:56I'll make this simple for you.
01:06:57If you go to head office with allegations about me you can't prove and your arse is going to be on the next plane home,
01:07:02you want to keep your job, shut this and just do as you're told will ya?
01:07:12Listen, listen, me and Mikey have got a jeep, let's go and get you away from this madness for the better.
01:07:15Come on.
01:07:16She's going to dump it all on me, I know it.
01:07:21We have to stop her.
01:07:22We?
01:07:23No, no, I've told you, mate, I don't give a toss what she does.
01:07:25I do my job, I suggest you do yours.
01:07:27We'll report her to head office.
01:07:28Yes, and we will all get fired.
01:07:30Matt Allison can tell what the fuck she likes to head office.
01:07:32Yeah, but if we all...
01:07:33Well you used to forget it!
01:07:34We're having a laugh out and you want to screw her all up!
01:07:36Well she'd rather fucked about until someone else dies.
01:07:38What am I, Mark?
01:07:39All this just ain't worth it anymore.
01:07:42Hey guys, listen up.
01:07:45Allison's way too greedy not to write it all down in a book.
01:07:48Who owes what, who pays for what.
01:07:51All we gotta do is find that book.
01:07:53She probably keeps it in a safety deposit box at the hotel.
01:07:56And I've seen the key.
01:07:57She wears it round her neck.
01:07:58Great.
01:07:59So we just cut her head off and we're sorted.
01:08:01Man, you go straight out, Allison's.
01:08:02You're gonna smell it a mile off.
01:08:03You'll be smart.
01:08:04Greg, I need you in on this, mate.
01:08:06For fuck's sake, yes.
01:08:09How do you wanna do?
01:08:11Just gotta find her a weak spot.
01:08:14One thing she just can't resist.
01:08:17I reckon one of us can do them both here, mate.
01:08:36You think?
01:08:37Yeah, just got this feeling about me, you know what I mean?
01:08:40I might be ever wrong.
01:08:41Oh, God.
01:08:42Come on, Greg, mate.
01:08:43Let me have this one.
01:08:44I don't know, mate.
01:08:45Jesus.
01:08:46Come on.
01:08:47All right, yeah, but it's gonna cost you big time.
01:08:49I'm telling you.
01:08:51Ladies, I'm afraid I've gotta head back.
01:08:55Oh, no.
01:08:56I thought you was gonna walk us home.
01:08:58Yeah, well, I'm sure Mario here will be happy to advise.
01:09:01No problem at all.
01:09:03And it's not.
01:09:04And it's alright.
01:09:05I thought I was gonna walk up and see you.
01:09:06I'm sorry.
01:09:07I want to make the video with too much attention.
01:09:08And I'm sorry.
01:09:09I'm sorry.
01:09:10Let's go.
01:09:40Let's go.
01:10:10Let's go.
01:10:12I like that one bit when the first geezer starts going down on you.
01:10:18He knew they were blokes, come on.
01:10:20Look, look.
01:10:21He was just curious.
01:10:22Mario, we understand.
01:10:24Yeah, mate.
01:10:25I mean, it's a shame, really, because, you know, a double and a couple of bullet holes
01:10:28got to get you some nice points.
01:10:29I ain't a fucking puff.
01:10:31Look, it's just that, you know, some people aren't as open-minded as us.
01:10:34That's all.
01:10:35It's just one word, mate, and people might think that you're a stark raving queen.
01:10:39I'll tell you what we could do.
01:10:40We could make copies, you know, for his family, and we could send it to him.
01:10:43Okay.
01:10:44Alright.
01:10:45I'll do it.
01:10:46Two conditions.
01:10:47Yeah?
01:10:48One, you give me that tape now.
01:10:50Yeah?
01:10:51Two.
01:10:52I'll get my bonus points.
01:11:21Four.
01:11:22Two.
01:11:23Four.
01:11:24Four.
01:11:25Four.
01:11:26Four.
01:11:27Four.
01:11:28Four.
01:11:30Five.
01:11:31熊 together robot.
01:11:34Two.
01:11:34Four.
01:11:35Four.
01:11:36People want toÕ¸.
01:11:40Three.
01:11:47Pew.
01:11:49We'll be with you.
01:11:50If you want to get high, get on my top of the ride.
01:11:58If you want to get high, get on my top of the ride.
01:12:20What the fucking hell is my kid?
01:12:43What's going on?
01:12:46That's Steph, that is.
01:12:47Alison, you've got two ears and a mouth, why not try using them in that ratio?
01:12:51I'll have your fucking job for this.
01:12:53I don't say these things to win arguments, Alison.
01:12:56I say them to help you.
01:12:58All these names with money next to them, what can they mean?
01:13:01It means that you're standing up to your ears and shit, so you'd better not go making waves.
01:13:06So, Mario's not the only one getting shafted tonight.
01:13:09So, shut up.
01:13:13Listen.
01:13:15One day you might be in this position as well.
01:13:18Well, it was your investigation and I found that I must have made a mistake.
01:13:24No, I can deal with it here.
01:13:27No.
01:13:28No, Brad is outstanding.
01:13:31Yeah, I couldn't believe it either.
01:13:32Yeah, I'll get it all straightened up, no problems.
01:13:36Bye.
01:13:38You keep off everybody's backs till the end of the season.
01:13:41You give everybody a good rapport.
01:13:42And I'll give you back your cash and your little book.
01:13:51Oh, yeah, and, um, there's just one more little thing.
01:13:57All right.
01:14:10All right.
01:14:11Carmen.
01:14:11We had a chance to talk about the other night.
01:14:16What about it?
01:14:18We're in the club.
01:14:19You know, when we...
01:14:20Oh, that, that.
01:14:21Yeah.
01:14:22It was just the chemicals, right?
01:14:24Was it?
01:14:25Yeah, I was flying.
01:14:27Yeah, so was I, but...
01:14:29I wasn't on anything.
01:14:34Well, I've, uh, handed in my notice.
01:14:36Now Lorraine's back.
01:14:37You don't have to do that.
01:14:39Well, I prefer to work with kids who look their age.
01:14:41That way you know where you are.
01:14:44You know where you are with me, Carmen.
01:14:45I thought we was having a laugh.
01:14:47You know, there's plenty of season left, you know.
01:14:48Plenty of season, plenty of points.
01:14:51Carmen, you've got me all wrong.
01:14:53Brad, you don't need to apologise.
01:14:56You like to be a winner.
01:14:57What's wrong with that?
01:14:58You were the blue-eyed boy of the training course.
01:15:00I mean, you've won against Alison,
01:15:01and I'd bet my money on you winning the competition.
01:15:05So.
01:15:07Good luck to you.
01:15:08Yeah, but surely, you know, you felt the same...
01:15:10Brad, my friend's just been sick all over my floor.
01:15:12All right, look, can't this wait just for one second?
01:15:13No, it can't.
01:15:14She's locked herself in the bathroom,
01:15:16and she won't come out.
01:15:17Come on.
01:15:32So.
01:15:33Greg, you see in the lead?
01:15:35You think you can win?
01:15:37No.
01:15:38What would I win?
01:15:41Why?
01:15:42You'll be the biggest dick.
01:15:48Are you ready?
01:15:49Good to be back then.
01:16:15Oh, brilliant.
01:16:16Well, you know, I just reckon it's Carmen.
01:16:18She's great, isn't she?
01:16:19She's here, then.
01:16:20Yeah.
01:16:20That's impressive.
01:16:21Oh.
01:16:22Oh.
01:16:24Well, I've been talking to these keys, right,
01:16:25and apparently, right, there's these two sisters on board,
01:16:27right, and they used to be lap dancers,
01:16:29now they've got to be up for it.
01:16:30Well, maybe we can both do them.
01:16:32Both get the extra points.
01:16:33There's a special exception.
01:16:35Yeah, but only if the bullet hole's in play.
01:16:36Oh, yeah.
01:16:36Yeah?
01:16:37I've heard they've booked their clennings.
01:16:39And these families' point is there.
01:16:42Oh, rinkly starfish.
01:16:44Fuck that.
01:16:45What's the matter with you?
01:16:45He was too possessed for me.
01:16:55I thought he owned me.
01:16:58Sometime you've got to move on.
01:17:02Come on, get your ass in and here.
01:17:03We've got to do the prizes.
01:17:05Yeah.
01:17:08Why did you bring me here?
01:17:09I'm not even a YF and Smef anymore.
01:17:11We just shut up for once, Carmen.
01:17:13You might have to like what you're about to hear.
01:17:15It's time for the prizes to have your attention just for two minutes, please.
01:17:23The Champagne Diving Award goes to Crazy Lib.
01:17:26So where are you, Crazy Lib?
01:17:28Come up here, mate.
01:17:29Good, son.
01:17:29We'll sort you out.
01:17:31Yeah?
01:17:32Sort it?
01:17:32Nice to meet you.
01:17:33Lovely.
01:17:34Right, the first Top List Dive Award goes to Jennifer.
01:17:38So come up there, Jennifer, wherever you are.
01:17:44I guess you are.
01:17:46Yeah, to be honest, I don't think she's got any danger of drowning with them, do you?
01:17:49Yeah, listen up.
01:17:51You are for the sexiest.
01:17:53Yeah, actually, I got a special award of me own.
01:17:57Woo!
01:17:58But I don't know if there's going to be a prize at the end of it.
01:18:01That's down to Carmen.
01:18:02You're right, Carmen.
01:18:05I've always liked being a winner.
01:18:09And when I first heard about that competition at the training course, that's all that's been on me mind.
01:18:14But the other night, I had a kiss.
01:18:16And I couldn't score any points with it.
01:18:20Why?
01:18:22Because it was off the scale.
01:18:25And so Carmen, I would award myself a prize for being the biggest dick of the season.
01:18:31Only a dick would think that winning a shagging competition is more important than losing a chance to be with someone like you.
01:18:41So if it's not too late, and if you still have me, I'm off the board.
01:18:48You sure this is what you want?
01:19:08Oh, come on, Carmen has let you come on his boat.
01:19:10It's only for you to let him come on yours.
01:19:11Oh, fuck off, Greg.
01:19:14Are you sure you mean this?
01:19:18Yes.
01:19:39Yes, get in there, son.
01:19:40Back in the lead and on course for another victory.
01:19:42Thank you, Bradley.
01:19:43Marion, where's them lap dancers?
01:19:48You know, I think honesty is the most important thing.
01:20:16Absolutely.
01:20:17And we should be able to tell each other everything.
01:20:19I feel that way too.
01:20:24Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have sex with more than one person?
01:20:29Not really, but I'm sure a lot of people do.
01:20:32I'm sure it's natural to think about things like that.
01:20:34So you wouldn't think it was weird?
01:20:36No way.
01:20:37I mean, if something turns you on and both of you agree, adults and all that.
01:20:41Would you ever consider...
01:20:42I guess I mean, I'm willing to experiment if it's what you want.
01:20:48Great.
01:20:49So do you think we should ask?
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