Does William H. Macy Know His Lines?

Variety

William H. Macy gets tested on lines from 'Shamless' Frank Gallgher, 'Boogie Nights,' 'Jurassic Park III' and more.  0:00 Intro 0:27 Shameless 1:10 Boogie Nights 2:44 Fargo 3:50 Air Force One 4:25 Mystery Men 5:27 Happy, Texas 6:03 Magnolia 7:52 Pleasantville 8:24 The Cooler 10:00 Jurassic Park III 11:26 Wag the Dog 12:26 Train Dreams

Transcript

00:00Thank God you didn't do some of my lesser-known stuff, because I couldn't remember it.

00:04Are we X-rated on this thing? Can we use profanity?

00:13Every day's an opportunity to you. Don't get back, so don't blow it working.

00:20Every day's an opportunity you don't get back, so don't blow it working.

00:24Oh, I miss Frank. This is Frank Gallagher from Shameless.

00:29Every day's an opportunity. You don't get back, so don't blow it working.

00:33That show was about family values, and that family stuck together, and they looked after each other.

00:40I think if Frank were here, and in a way he is, he would say, I did that.

00:46What an experience that was for me.

00:48Over a decade of playing this show that was so deliciously wrong in so many ways.

00:54Some of the outrageous things that they wrote for Frank to say are memorable, because they have truth in them.

01:08Are we X-rated on this thing? Can we use profanity?

01:14Oh, my fucking wife, man. She's down there. Some idiot's dick in her.

01:17Everybody's standing around watching. It's fucking embarrassment.

01:20And it's from Boogie Nights.

01:22She's down there, some idiot's dick in her. Everybody's standing around watching. It's a fucking embarrassment.

01:28This is back in the day when they would FedEx a script to you.

01:31I read it, and I called my agent, and I said, am I being punked? Because it was much racier than the film.

01:38I said, we can't make this movie. This is X-rated.

01:42And he said, no, no, it's going to be R-rated. That's contractual.

01:46Boy, I wanted it. I really wanted to do it. I loved it. It was so fantastic.

01:52Ricky Jay, the fabulous magician and scholar on magic, he did the scene with me.

01:57And he says, yeah, I wanted to talk about the thing. And I finally turned to him, and I go, do you mind?

02:02My wife's down there with a cock in her ass.

02:06So we did the first take, and Paul came up, and he said, that was great, but you said, my wife's down there with an ass in her cock.

02:11And I went, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

02:14So we did another take, and he said, you did it again.

02:18I said, I don't think so. I think I did it right this time.

02:21And then when I saw the film, he is the first take, and everybody always asks about that line.

02:26And this is the genius of Paul Anderson.

02:29He thought that it was psychologically correct somehow, and it was.

02:35It was. I mean, the guy was beside himself. It made sense.

02:39You're darn tootin'.

02:44It's got to be Fargo.

02:50You're darn tootin'.

02:51I went in for the detective, and they said, that's real good.

02:55You want to read Jerry?

02:58And I said, yeah.

02:59And I went out in the hall, and I looked at it, and I came back in, and they said, that's real good.

03:03You want to go home and work on it?

03:05And I said, yeah, I came back in the next day.

03:07They said, that's real good.

03:09We'll let you know.

03:11Then I found out they were auditioning in New York, so I got my jolly, jolly Lutheran ass on an airplane, and I crashed that audition.

03:20I said, I want to audition again.

03:22Don't try this at home, kids.

03:23It's not a good idea.

03:24But I said, I'm afraid you're going to screw up your movie by casting someone else.

03:29Thank God Ethan laughed.

03:30He's got a great sense of humor.

03:32All the actors got to Minneapolis early, and we had a coach, Liz Himmelstein.

03:38She gave us tapes, and we would read the lines with her.

03:42A lot of it had to do with making an O with your mouth.

03:45Oh, don't you know?

03:47It's a pretty seductive accent.

03:52Thank God you didn't do some of my lesser-known stuff, because I couldn't remember it.

03:56Mr. President, it's time to get you off this plane.

03:59This is Air Force One.

04:00Mr. President!

04:02It's time to get you off this plane!

04:04Harrison Ford's the real deal.

04:06I remember sitting in the cockpit with him, and, you know, I'd look at him and go, what's

04:09wrong?

04:10Oh, he's acting.

04:12He makes it look easy, too.

04:14I don't know.

04:14He just shows up, and he is what he's supposed to be, always.

04:19It's lasted, though, hasn't it?

04:21A lot of people watch that film.

04:22We got a blind date with Destiny, and it looks like she's ordered the lobster.

04:29I remember this movie.

04:33This is from Mystery Men.

04:38We've got a blind date with Destiny.

04:40And it looks like she's ordered the lobster.

04:44I played the shoveler.

04:45All my lines were like this.

04:49As I remember, the director of Mystery Men gave up the business after working with us.

04:55It was quite the cast, and I think we were a little rough.

04:59It was a special shovel, because I learned how to flip it and treat it like a nunchuck.

05:05And I could do all these flips with it.

05:07And I got really pretty good at it.

05:10A couple of months after the film, I had a real shovel that weighs about seven times that.

05:14And I said, you want to see what I could do?

05:16And I went flip like this and hit myself in the forehead and put a big gash in it.

05:20So, I needed my aluminum shovel.

05:25These are softballs, by the way.

05:27Give me the meanest steak you got.

05:29Rare.

05:29And I mean rare.

05:30Just dehorn it, wipe its butt, and send it in.

05:35This was called Happy Texas.

05:39Give me the meanest steak you got.

05:41Rare.

05:42And I mean rare.

05:43Just dehorn it, wipe its butt, and send it in.

05:46This line comes from with Jeremy Northam.

05:48I've got a crush on him, and I take him out to dinner, and I order a steak, and then we dance.

05:55So sweet.

05:56That's a great film.

05:58This is going to get harder, I think.

06:01I know I did a stupid thing.

06:03So stupid.

06:04Getting braces.

06:05I thought he would love me.

06:07Getting braces.

06:08And for what?

06:08For something I don't even...

06:10I don't know where to put things, you know?

06:13I really do have love to give.

06:14I just don't know where to put it.

06:18That's great writing.

06:20Paul Thomas Anderson.

06:22This is from Magnolia.

06:24I don't know where to put things, you know?

06:31I really do have love to give.

06:33The one thing I remember is...

06:35I haven't worked with Paul since, too.

06:37Perhaps I pissed him off.

06:39But they drop frogs out of the sky.

06:41Well, I'm climbing up a ladder, and they were about this big, and they were made of this blubbery kind of stuff.

06:47And it hits me in the face, and I fall off the ladder.

06:50And Paul says, so you'll be climbing up.

06:52We'll drop a frog on you.

06:54And I said, God, that thing weighs about two pounds.

06:56Is it going to break my neck?

06:57He says, no, no.

06:58And he lies down.

06:59And someone dropped the frog from the distance right on his face.

07:03I said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

07:05But I think it's going to be a higher distance than that.

07:07And he said, no, no, no.

07:08He said, do it higher.

07:09So he dropped it again.

07:11And I said, yeah, but you've got your head on the ground.

07:14I got him to get that frog in the face four times before he said, get the fuck out of here, man.

07:20Come on, do the scene.

07:25Where's my dinner?

07:27Or as I did it, where's my dinner?

07:33This is from Pleasantville.

07:35Where's my dinner?

07:36This scene covered two pages.

07:40I walk out.

07:41And you know the rain trees that they do for rain?

07:43I've never seen them that big.

07:45And there were four of them.

07:46I walk out.

07:47And I go, where's my dinner?

07:49And I walk down the street.

07:50Where's my dinner?

07:51And I walk down this street.

07:52Where's my dinner?

07:53And it took all night to shoot it.

07:57I was soaked.

07:57I mean, soaked to the skin within seconds.

08:01We went to the first screening of it.

08:03And Gary Ross was behind me.

08:04And we're walking up to the stage to be introduced.

08:08And Gary taps him on the shoulders right behind me.

08:10He said, oh, I had to trim up that scene.

08:12And I go, what?

08:13What?

08:13And we take our places.

08:15We do the Q&A.

08:16And then I watch the scene.

08:18That's it.

08:19I walk out.

08:19I go, where's my dinner?

08:21Cut.

08:21You look in the mirror.

08:25You don't like what you see.

08:26Don't believe it.

08:26Look in my eyes.

08:27I am the only mirror you're ever going to need.

08:31Okay.

08:31You look in the mirror.

08:32You don't like what you see.

08:34Don't believe it.

08:35Look in my eyes.

08:35I am the only mirror you're ever going to see.

08:37This is from The Cooler.

08:44You look in the mirror.

08:45You don't like what you see.

08:47Don't believe it.

08:48Look in my eyes.

08:49I am the only mirror you're ever going to need.

08:52It was the first film I had done that had a lot of sex scenes in it.

08:56And I was pissing and moaning about it.

08:59And my wife, Felicity, who's the smartest person I've ever known, said,

09:02Dude, you better either embrace this or ask him to cut it because you're talking yourself into doing it badly.

09:09And I thought, You're right.

09:11I remember I did go to the director and say, I don't know what this scene has to do with the film, how it moves the plot.

09:18And a couple of times he said, You're right, it doesn't.

09:20And he cut them.

09:22And I thought, Okay.

09:24And the ones that remained, we've talked about it a lot.

09:28And we thought, Okay, it's not just a sex scene.

09:31We have to go from someplace to someplace.

09:33What changed?

09:34And that helped it.

09:35We rehearsed the scenes with the cameraman being the camera.

09:39So we knew exactly what he was going to shoot.

09:43So it's not like you had to get down to your knickers and run around in front of everyone.

09:46We knew exactly what we were going to shoot.

09:48And it made me bolder.

09:54Okay.

09:55Okay, fine.

09:56Go ahead and scream.

09:57And when that tickle plots attacks you, don't come crying to me.

10:03Okay, fine.

10:04Go ahead and scream.

10:06And when that tickle plots attacks you, don't come crying to me.

10:11Try sick of plots.

10:12Oh, thanks.

10:15You know, I didn't know some of these lines that well the first time I did them.

10:18So, yeah, this has got to be Jurassic Park 3.

10:22A try sick of plots.

10:23Okay, fine.

10:24Go ahead and scream.

10:24And then when that tickle plots attacks you, don't come crying to me.

10:28I thought it was great.

10:30The play between us was a little more complicated than some of the others.

10:36Tay Leoni and I had this relationship that was developing.

10:40And I thought we had a good relationship.

10:42So, it gave you something just beside running from dinosaurs.

10:46It was an astounding experience to go through because there was CGI, but it was kind of new.

10:53I acted with an excavator.

10:55They put a rubber head on an excavator and the guy was running it and they warned us, don't get in the way of this.

11:03Cy trickle plots, if he whips his head like that, they'd be going 100 miles an hour when you get to the nose.

11:09That was a fun movie.

11:10It was so great.

11:11We took our time on it.

11:13They treated us really well.

11:14It was the best and the brightest doing the best work they'd ever done.

11:19One of the great lines anybody ever got to utter.

11:24Two things I know to be true.

11:26There's no difference between good flan and bad flan and there is no war.

11:32This is David Mamet's film called Wag the Dog.

11:36One of the funniest films.

11:39Oh my God, that script is great.

11:41Two things I know to be true.

11:44There's no difference between good flan and bad flan and there is no war.

11:48They got that cast because the script was that good.

11:51And it was prescient, which I've always found Dave Mamet to be.

11:56The president starting a war to take the heat off of a scandal.

12:00We've seen that.

12:01And it was after that.

12:02I think it was Clinton.

12:03They kept saying, wag the dog.

12:05It's wag the dog.

12:06It's wag the dog.

12:06I did my scene with De Niro.

12:09It was a good speech that he had talking about remembering your lines.

12:13To be blunt, he didn't know them as well as he should have.

12:17And he sort of paraphrased a bunch of it.

12:19And I can tell you what Dave wrote was so much better than his paraphrases.

12:26That's because it's rough work, gentlemen.

12:28And not just on the body, but on the soul.

12:32Oh, I just did it.

12:36This is from Train Dreams.

12:38That's because it's rough work, gentlemen.

12:40Not just on the body, but on the soul.

12:42It's a beautiful film.

12:44I played a character named Arn Peoples.

12:48When I saw just Arn Peoples, I thought, I think I want to do this because of the name.

12:52It's about loggers in the early 1900s.

12:551900s, and this is when some of the Bahamoth trees still were standing, and we cut them down.

13:04Arn sits around the fire, and he says to the people,

13:08when you cut down these trees, you're killing something noble.

13:13And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:15And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:16And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:17And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:18And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:19And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:20And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:21And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:22And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:23And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:24And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:25And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:26And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:27And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:28And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

13:29And it takes a toll on your soul to do that.

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