- 2 days ago
Riley (Jackie Gleason) is upset that his daughter Babs (Gloria Winters) is seeing Simon Vanderhopper (Jimmy Lydon). He views Simon as a "lazy nothing"
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh
00:30I'll tell you what harm there is.
00:32That Simon is a boy who...
00:34He's a boy who...
00:35Well, what?
00:36He's a boy.
00:37That's enough, isn't it?
00:41Besides that, he's nothing but a lazy loafer.
00:43He'll never amount to anything.
00:44But, Daddy, Simon's only 20.
00:47Babs, do you realize that when I was 20,
00:49your mother was supporting me and a baby?
00:52I mean, I was supporting your mother?
00:54He's nothing but a lazy nothing.
00:55He is not.
00:56He's in business for himself.
00:58He sells bubblegum.
01:00My business, a mouth-to-mouth salesman.
01:02Now, please, let's cut the tale of the discussion.
01:05All right, but you're just not fair.
01:07I don't have to be fair.
01:08I'm your father.
01:09Charlie, I don't want to get into this battle,
01:11but why don't you think it over?
01:12Simon seems like a nice boy,
01:14and he acts like a gentleman.
01:15Mother's right.
01:17Simon's not like all the other boys.
01:18He never tries to kiss a girl.
01:20On top of everything else, he's a dope, too.
01:23The main thing is I don't like his face.
01:26Well, every man can't be good-looking.
01:28You ought to know that.
01:29All right, so I happen to be one of the lucky ones.
01:32There's just something about his face.
01:35It reminds me of a mean boss I had once back in Brooklyn.
01:38Skin Flint Griffin.
01:40That was his name.
01:41Griffin?
01:42You mean the girl I used to run that candy factory?
01:44What's he got to do with all this?
01:46He hounded me every day I worked for him.
01:48Three years I slaved for him in that candy factory.
01:51I was a chocolate milker.
01:52So what, Riley?
01:54Stop living in the past.
01:55Please, Peg.
01:56I can live any place I want.
01:57I'm an American citizen.
01:59I never told you why he fired me.
02:02But what's all this got to do with Simon?
02:04He framed me.
02:06He accused me of drilling holes
02:07and five pounds of cherry chocolates
02:09and sucking his syrup out with his fraud.
02:10And then I tried to get a job in a licorice factory.
02:15But he called him up and blackballed me.
02:17I still don't see why I can't invite Simon over to my home
02:20for a purely intellectual evening.
02:23I told you, Babs.
02:25Every time I look at that Simon, I think of Griffin.
02:27And every time I think of Griffin, I get mad at Simon.
02:30So don't ever let me catch him around this house.
02:33But Jeepers, Daddy, you don't have to look at him.
02:36That's final.
02:36My head is made up.
02:38Uh, Babs, uh, let's not talk about it anymore just now, huh?
02:42Oh, all right, Mother.
02:45Hey, uh, you see what a little sensible talking can do?
02:48You all give your side of the argument,
02:50then you do what I want.
02:51That's democracy.
02:53Well, I got to go to my union, Mr. Peg.
02:55I might be home a little late.
02:57Good night, Douglas.
02:58Good night, dear.
03:00Hello, Batsy.
03:01What are you doing out here so late?
03:02Oh, just, just getting some air.
03:05I'm just going in.
03:06Come on, Daddy.
03:07What's the matter with you, Babsie?
03:08Why are you acting so funny?
03:09Funny?
03:10Me?
03:11Are you alone?
03:13Why do you act that, Daddy?
03:14I don't know.
03:16Well, anyway, I'm glad you're not mad at me
03:18for me not letting you see that simple Simon.
03:20After all, I know best.
03:21Oh, Daddy, Simon's all right.
03:24I guess he is.
03:26I guess I'm just allergic to him.
03:28Whenever I look at him,
03:29I think of that mean boss I had back in Brooklyn.
03:32Then all of a sudden, my brain starts to get tight.
03:34Something snaps.
03:37There, you see?
03:38Just talking about it, and it happened.
03:42Wait a minute.
03:43That wasn't my brain that snapped.
03:45That was bubblegum.
03:47Babs, are you chewing bubblegum?
03:49Come into the kitchen, Daddy.
03:51I'll make you a cup of coffee.
03:52Wait a minute.
03:53Wherever there's bubblegum,
03:54there's that blue-hard Simon.
03:56Where is he, Babs?
03:57Where is he?
03:58Here I am, Mr. Rask.
04:00This is behind the couch.
04:01Well, as soon as my back is turned,
04:03you come sneaking in here.
04:05Come out from behind there, you couch slouch.
04:07Mr. Rask, if you'd only try to...
04:09Rask, get off of this porch.
04:11Yes, sir.
04:11I'm going.
04:12I'm going.
04:12Goodbye, Babs.
04:13Freeze me out with my hat.
04:14Goodbye, Simon.
04:15And stay off.
04:16I don't want my daughter hanging around
04:18with any 20-year-olds.
04:20And don't come back here until you're younger.
04:21That's for you, young lady.
04:25Didn't I tell you not to have anything...
04:27Please don't speak to me ever again.
04:29Not ever.
04:36I wonder what could have brought that on.
04:40I ought to go in there
04:41and give her a good piece of my mind.
04:48It's not natural for a girl that young
04:50to have such a grumpy nature.
04:54I'd like to see them stop me from going in there.
05:03It's just a good thing it's not cold
05:05down here tonight, that's all.
05:07Juvenile adolescence.
05:13Hiya, Riley.
05:14Oh, hiya.
05:15What's your doing?
05:17We're just out in the backyard
05:19getting these here logs for my fireball.
05:20I know, but I ain't got no choice.
05:22All you got in your backyard
05:23is eucalyptus.
05:24My logs.
05:24You certainly got a nerve
05:25helping yourself to my logs.
05:26Relax, Riley.
05:27We're next-door neighbors, ain't we?
05:28You ain't gonna begrudge me
05:29making a little firewood, you would.
05:31I don't begrudge you smelling my smoke.
05:33Sorry, I guess I was a little hasty.
05:35I apologize.
05:36Apologies acceptable.
05:37Next time, watch yourself.
05:38After all, it ain't everybody
05:39who come over and keep company with you
05:40when you're locked out of your own house.
05:43I am not locked out.
05:44I'm out here because I want to be.
05:45And I can go in there anytime I want to.
05:46And what'll you find?
05:47A couple of mad women.
05:48It ain't fair, Riley.
05:49You spend the best years of your life slaving for them.
05:50And in return, what do you get?
05:51Hatred.
05:52Oh, you don't know what you're talking about.
05:53My wife and daughter loved me.
05:54Not after tonight.
05:55And I don't blame them.
05:56You should never have done what you've just done.
05:57You should never have done what you've just done.
05:58I don't blame them.
05:59You should never have done what you've just done.
06:00I don't blame them.
06:01You should never have done what you've just done.
06:02You mean throwing that Simon off this porch?
06:03Go on.
06:05Besides, it's none of your business.
06:06I'm the type guy who don't butt in.
06:08So if you don't want my opinion, I won't give it.
06:09And in my opinion, you made a big mistake.
06:10I never make a mistake.
06:11And when I do, I'm the first one to admit it.
06:12Who are you telling me I'm the one to admit it?
06:13What an other one?
06:14What an other one?
06:15What an other one?
06:16What an other one?
06:17What an other one?
06:18How is it?
06:18What an other one?
06:19I don't know.
06:20They're all the same.
06:20The same one, son.
06:22Well, I don't have a good dad, boy.
06:23I mean, what an other one would have.
06:24I like him.
06:25I'm not sure that guy.
06:26never make a mistake. And when I do, I'm the first one to admit it. What did I do this
06:33time? It's the old story, Riley. I can see the headlines already. I read father drives
06:39daughter's boyfriend away. Lonely daughter leaves home. Father's stricken with remorse.
06:46You're crazy. Badger never leaves home on account of a boyfriend. She loves her home.
06:50She wouldn't be the first. Poor homeless girl. Defenseless. Penniless.
06:56Drifting lower and lower. Until in the end, there's only one thing left for them. The river.
07:07You're nuts. There's no river in Los Angeles. Don't you take a bus to the Mississippi?
07:11Oh, them poor love-sickening girls. They go down to the river to...
07:16They... Oh, Riley. I can't say it. Stop it, Gillis. I can't stand it.
07:24If only their fathers weren't so cruel to them. I knew a girl like that once. Alone.
07:30Desperate. Friendless. She got so she didn't even want to go on living.
07:35What happened? She married me.
07:38But not every girl can be so lucky.
07:41You've got it all wrong, Gillis. I let Babs have boyfriends.
07:45It's just that that Simon isn't good enough for my sweet Babs.
07:48Get smart, Riley. If you chase Simon away, that'll only drive the two of them closer together.
07:54Why don't you be diplomatic?
07:56You mean hit him?
07:57Why don't you do that?
07:59He wears glasses.
08:00I could cut my hand or something.
08:02I mean kill him off with kindness.
08:04If you throw Babs and Simon together all the time, she'll see too much of him, she'll get sick of him.
08:10Hey, that's a great idea, Gillis.
08:13That's it.
08:14That Babs is going to see nothing but Simon, Simon, Simon.
08:18When I'm finished, that Babs will be Simonized.
08:21Why should he dislike Simon so?
08:24Sometimes I think...
08:29Hello, Dumplin'. Hello, Babsy.
08:32Where is that sweet darling Simon?
08:34Don't tell me he's gone.
08:35You know very well he's gone.
08:37You made him go.
08:38I made him go.
08:40Now, what gave you that idea?
08:42Riley, don't try to deny it.
08:43Bab told me what happened.
08:45Your exact words were, Simon, get off of this porch.
08:49And that's why he left?
08:50This boy is oversensitive.
08:52We must have him here again sometime.
08:54I love that boy like my own son.
08:56Riley, what are you up to this time?
08:58You love Simon since when?
09:00No, Peg, just because you don't like the boy, don't make me a party to it.
09:04Huh?
09:04I'm the type of father that don't butt in, as Babs very well knows.
09:08Well, I never.
09:10Daddy, you mean Simon can actually come here in the future?
09:14Who's talking about the future?
09:15I want him here tomorrow night for supper.
09:17I'll invite him here myself.
09:19Hand me the phone.
09:21Uh, what's the little angel's phone number?
09:24Uh, have another carrot, Simon, darling.
09:26Hello?
09:27Okay, sir.
09:28Thank you kindly.
09:29They're very good for the eyes.
09:30Help you see in the dark when you take out Babs.
09:33Oh, Daddy.
09:35Gee, Mr. Riley, it was wonderful of you to invite me.
09:38Well, that's the way I am, Simon.
09:40Wonderful.
09:41I want you to feel that this house is your home.
09:43I might even give you a key.
09:46Oh, gee, that's swell, Mr. Riley.
09:48Uh, Simon, Mr. Riley isn't really serious about the key, you know.
09:51Oh, I guess that would be going a little too far.
09:54Why not just leave the front door open?
09:56Oh, Barbara, and you thought your father didn't like me.
10:00Well, Daddy's hard to understand sometimes.
10:03Uh, not like you, Simon.
10:04Why, I love you.
10:06You're ambitious.
10:07You're starting small, but before long you'll be making your own chewing gum.
10:12Then the name of Vanderhopper will be on the tip of everybody's tongue.
10:16I agree with you, sir.
10:18I have no doubt that I will be a fantastic success.
10:21But I was thinking of changing my name for business reasons.
10:25Vanderhopper is too long.
10:27Well, a short name is no guarantee for success,
10:30or else my father would have been a millionaire.
10:32Whenever he wrote his name, he made an ex.
10:36Originally, our family name was much longer.
10:39It was Vandergriffenhopper.
10:41Well, that is a long name, Vandergriffen...
10:43Vandergriffenhopper.
10:48Daddy, please pass the olive.
10:50You see, there were three brothers.
10:53My father changed his name to Vanderhopper,
10:55another brother called himself Hopper,
10:57and the third brother called himself Griffin.
11:02Griffin?
11:03Yes, sir.
11:04He's in the candy business in Brooklyn.
11:06He's hiring me off the olive.
11:09You were saying the time he's in the candy business?
11:11Simon, have you seen any good movies lately?
11:14Let's go see one now.
11:15Huh?
11:15Uh, I bet he's a nice fella, this Uncle Griffin.
11:18Oh, you'd love him.
11:19He tells the funniest stories.
11:22Once he discovered all the cherry chocolates in the place
11:24that had holes drilled in him,
11:25and someone had sucked out the syrup.
11:27Simon, let's go to the movies right away.
11:29The board's in it?
11:30Well, what's the plan?
11:31You were saying someone sucked the syrup out.
11:33Did he tell you who?
11:34Oh, he said it was some big baboon that was working for him.
11:38My uncle said you could use this fellow as a blueprint
11:41if you wanted to build an idiot.
11:43Ha-ha!
11:47Simon, get out of this house!
11:49Dad, please!
11:50Roddy, did I say...
11:51Simon, get out of this house!
11:53But why?
11:54You said you loved me.
11:55Your honeymoon is over!
11:57Get out!
11:58I'm going.
11:59I'm going.
12:07An hour after Riley threw Simon out,
12:10Babs slipped quietly out of the house,
12:13carrying a suitcase.
12:15Simon was waiting,
12:16breathless with excitement.
12:18Together, they rushed off into the darkness.
12:21And now, here they are.
12:23The man calm,
12:25yet with a certain light in his eye.
12:27The woman tormented by what she's about to do.
12:30Oh, Simon,
12:31I'm sorry I let you talk me into this.
12:34If Daddy finds out, he'll be furious.
12:36I don't care.
12:37I'm willing to take my chances,
12:38because I love you.
12:40Oh, Simon, not so loud.
12:42Someone will hear you.
12:42Let the whole world hear me.
12:44I'll shout it at the top of my voice.
12:46I love you madly.
12:48What do we do now?
12:49We go in.
12:50See the sign?
12:51I love you.
12:53Come on, Babbers.
12:55Do you think he'll do it?
12:56Well, sure.
12:57He's going to get paid for it, isn't he?
13:03He's coming.
13:06Good evening, Judge.
13:08My name is Simon.
13:08Well, well, well.
13:10A handsome young man,
13:12blushing young woman,
13:13and a little suitcase.
13:15I know what that means.
13:17Oh, no.
13:17You don't understand.
13:19We don't want to get married.
13:20You don't?
13:21Oh, but I thought,
13:23when I saw the suitcase...
13:24Oh, that's full of samples
13:26of our greeting cards
13:27and wedding announcements.
13:27We're selling it.
13:28Here's my federal's license.
13:32Well, but why do you come to me?
13:35Well, we thought,
13:36since you married so many couples...
13:37And they'd want to tell
13:38their friends about it,
13:39and we thought maybe you'd like
13:40to be our agent
13:41and take orders on commission.
13:43Well, I always like to make
13:44an extra buck.
13:45That is, help the young people along.
13:48Hey, come right in to the party.
13:50Thank you, George.
13:52But, Riley, you're so unreasonable.
13:54You can't just throw a boy
13:56out of the house like that.
13:57Quiet, please.
13:58We're playing this game
13:59for ten cents.
14:03My move.
14:06Simply because you don't think
14:08he's good enough for your daughter.
14:09Your father threw me out
14:10like that, didn't he?
14:12He didn't think I was good
14:13enough for you, did he?
14:14But in the end,
14:14I married you anyway,
14:15so what does that prove?
14:16That proves that sometimes
14:17a father is right.
14:19I don't mean your father.
14:20I mean, I don't want to discuss it.
14:24Now, who can that be?
14:30Oh, good evening.
14:31Come in.
14:32Who is it, Peg?
14:35It's your friend, Mr. O'Dell.
14:38It's I, indeed.
14:39Dick be O'Dell.
14:40Friend be on the digger.
14:42I, you, calendar.
14:44Have a happy year.
14:45You're looking fine.
14:51Very natural.
14:52Uh, park the body, digger.
14:54You've got the right guy for it.
14:56Ah, feels good to sit down.
14:58I've covered a lot of ground today.
15:00Ah-ha.
15:05My move?
15:06I'm thinking of taking in a partner.
15:09Sometimes the load gets too heavy
15:10for one man to carry.
15:13Learn to relax during work, digger.
15:15Take a few minutes out.
15:16Stretch out someplace.
15:17Oh, I don't dare.
15:18You see, I have a near-sighted assistant.
15:21I see what you mean.
15:25My move?
15:26Wait a minute.
15:27Didn't you just move?
15:29Oh, Riley, that was a while back.
15:32Oh, sorry.
15:33I guess I got some things on my head.
15:36What's troubling you, dear friend?
15:38Being a father's no stench, digger.
15:40I got trouble, trouble, trouble,
15:42and it'll never end.
15:43Oh, yes, it will.
15:44You can take my word for that.
15:47But I assure you,
15:48being a father is certainly a problem.
15:50Take my daughter.
15:52I don't know.
15:53Somehow boys never call on her.
15:55They never come to our house.
15:57You'd think we had a skeleton
15:58in our closet.
16:01I don't have that kind of headache
16:02with my daughter.
16:05My move.
16:09Guess I'm a little off my game tonight.
16:12Babs has got plenty of boyfriends.
16:14I just don't want her to have them.
16:16Now she saw her at me.
16:17She's in her room,
16:18sulking right now.
16:20If Babs is in her room,
16:21then she must be twins,
16:22because I just saw her on the boulevard
16:24walking with a young man.
16:26She's out with a man?
16:28What did he look like?
16:29I couldn't see him very clearly,
16:31but as they approached me,
16:32I heard him exclaim in a loud voice,
16:34Barbara, I love you, madam.
16:37And he cracked his knuckles
16:38with a loud pop.
16:40That wasn't his knuckles.
16:41That was bubblegum.
16:42She's out with that Simon,
16:43and I forbode her to do it.
16:45I don't blame you.
16:46This Simon is certainly no gentleman
16:48letting Babs carry that heavy suitcase.
16:50That's just like them
16:51letting Babs carry us.
16:55What are Babs doing out
16:56with a man in a suit?
16:58Bigger, they can't be.
16:59Hey, don't you get it, Ronnie?
17:00They're all open.
17:04My little Babs, a loaf.
17:07That weasel's signed.
17:08Oh, I sympathize with you.
17:10The boy's a cat.
17:11He should have his ears boxed,
17:13to say the very least.
17:14I can't stand here
17:15doing nothing, Bigger.
17:16I gotta do something about this.
17:17Hey, hey, come here quick.
17:19Ronnie, what is it?
17:20What's the matter?
17:22What is it?
17:22Babs and a loaf, Dave Simon.
17:24What's he talking about?
17:25I warned you, Riley,
17:26but you wouldn't listen.
17:29When I get a hold of that Simon,
17:31I'll...
17:31Well, cheerio.
17:32I'd better be shoveling off.
17:34Listen, Bobby,
17:35what's he talking about?
17:36Bigger saw Babs in a suitcase.
17:38They were carrying Simon the loafers.
17:39Babs and loafers?
17:41Well, I don't believe it.
17:42Poor little Babs.
17:44I was trying to make her happy,
17:45and instead I made her get married.
17:47Well, we don't know
17:48that she's married, dear.
17:49Now, let's go look in her room.
17:50Hey, Riley, guess what?
17:52I went through Babs' room.
17:53She ain't there.
17:54She's gone.
17:55And the suitcase ain't there either.
17:56Oh, my heavens.
17:57Did she leave a note?
17:58No, but I found this.
18:00Let me see that.
18:01Hey, listen to this.
18:03To my bride-to-be.
18:05Today, my love,
18:06she'll be my wife
18:07and live within my heart.
18:09Together we will go through life
18:11never more to part.
18:12Twenty-five cents.
18:14I know it.
18:15They're getting married.
18:16They're losing.
18:17Babs married?
18:18No, no, I'm just not going to believe it.
18:20Poor little Babs.
18:22Poor little Babs.
18:27There's one of her little bobby pins.
18:29And to think that this morning
18:31her little head was in it.
18:33Now it's in.
18:34Listen, Riley,
18:35if Babs did do this,
18:36you drove her to it.
18:37You're to blame.
18:37Hey, I was only trying to protect her.
18:39I warned you, Riley,
18:41and you wouldn't listen.
18:44You know,
18:45it's just normal for a girl
18:46to have a cute boyfriend.
18:47It's human nature.
18:48That's what I was trying
18:49to protect her from, Peg.
18:50Human nature.
18:52I'm a failure as a father.
18:55I'll get it.
18:58That's probably them calling
18:59from Niagara Falls.
19:00If that Simon tries
19:01to reverse the charges,
19:02I'll...
19:03Hello?
19:03Hello?
19:04Is Simon Vanderhopper there?
19:07No, but I wish he was.
19:08Well, the girl that was with him
19:10left this phone number.
19:11Who is this?
19:12Mr. Ferrin.
19:13Who?
19:14Tell him, Mr. Ferrin,
19:16the justice of the peace.
19:17The justice of the peace?
19:19Yes.
19:20They left their license here.
19:21They left their license?
19:22They'll need it.
19:23Tell them to pick it up.
19:24Goodbye.
19:25Hello?
19:26Hello?
19:27That was the justice of the peace.
19:29They left their marriage license there.
19:31Riley,
19:31our little girl
19:32is getting married.
19:33Congratulations.
19:34They ordered
19:35how to be little.
19:36Congratulations, nothing.
19:38I'm tearing that license up.
19:39I'm taking that Simon out
19:40and having him a nose.
19:41No, no.
19:42Let's be calm about this.
19:42We'll talk to them first.
19:44And we'll talk to Simon's parents.
19:45Shh.
19:46I hear someone coming up to walk.
19:48Maybe it's them.
19:48Oh, I hope so.
19:49Quiet now, Peg.
19:51Just let me handle this Simon.
19:52I will absolutely tear his head off.
19:55Riley, I said you didn't hit him now.
19:56You promised me.
19:56Now, wait a minute, Peg.
19:57Just let me give him
19:58one little punch in the nose.
20:00After all, he's my son-in-law.
20:01No, no.
20:02It's better if we discuss this thing quietly.
20:03And, Mr. Gillis,
20:04you better go.
20:04Yeah, I'll listen for my house, huh?
20:08Quiet, Peg.
20:15Gee, Barbara, I hope your father isn't home.
20:17I don't think anybody's home.
20:18The lights are all off.
20:20Where's the light?
20:20Oh.
20:22Daddy!
20:23Peg!
20:24Good night, Babs.
20:25Wait a minute, Simon.
20:26Riley, please.
20:28Wait a minute, son.
20:29Sit down.
20:33Yes, sir.
20:35Well?
20:36Daddy, Simon and I did something tonight.
20:38Now, please don't get upset,
20:40but we went and...
20:40I know what you did.
20:42I just read this card,
20:43and I just spoke to the justice of the peace.
20:45Oh, Simon, he knows.
20:46Mr. Riley, you're not angry.
20:48Just till Christmas.
20:50What?
20:51No, Christmas.
20:52Nothing doing.
20:52I'm calling it off now.
20:54Oh, we can't call it off.
20:55We already ordered the baby announcement.
20:59The baby announcement.
21:00Oh, my goodness.
21:02Yes, sir.
21:03I don't let the grass go under my feet.
21:06What do you mean, the baby announcement?
21:09You were just married.
21:10Married?
21:10Married?
21:11Who?
21:12Daddy, what are you talking about?
21:14We're just selling greeting cards
21:16and wedding and birth announcements.
21:18But the justice of the peace
21:19and the license and all that.
21:20That's just a peddler's license.
21:22The justice of the peace
21:22is one of our agents.
21:24Oh, Riley, and we thought...
21:26Gee, I wish Barbara wouldn't marry me.
21:28I love her, Mads.
21:31Wait a minute.
21:31Let me get this straight.
21:33Mads, do you mean that you
21:35didn't get married to this thing?
21:37Of course not, Daddy.
21:38I'm still single.
21:41But the folk development dishes.
21:46Simon?
21:47I know.
21:48Get out of this house.
21:49We'll see you again.
22:03I don't know.
22:05We'll see you next time.
22:06We'll see you next time.
22:11We'll see you next time.
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