- 5 hours ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Hello.
00:05These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home.
00:12And the pub I own.
00:14Thinking about all the big problems in the world.
00:17And some smaller ones that annoy me.
00:21Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all.
00:25Or at least try.
00:27My shed.
00:29Right.
00:31It's here that I have the tools.
00:33Let's just saw some wood up.
00:35The tea.
00:37And a couple of other highly competent blokes.
00:41Very good. Brace yourselves.
00:43Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.
00:46Is she getting the ticket out?
00:47Great.
00:48Dirty flight at us.
00:50And small.
00:51The cereal has gone soggy.
00:53I'll also have to take on other people's problems.
00:56What is wrong with Peter?
00:57He used to make a sound.
00:59And now he doesn't.
01:00By which I mean the locals at my pub who are always bringing me stuff to bend.
01:05Is it a train set?
01:07So join us and our excitable crew.
01:13Who will capture our endeavours.
01:15That was epic.
01:17As we create.
01:19Make.
01:20That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.
01:22Repair.
01:23So it's never worked.
01:24Not in my lifetime.
01:25And repurpose.
01:26Whoa.
01:27In my shed load of ideas.
01:28What do you think?
01:29This is just brilliant.
01:32Ah.
01:33Wiltshire.
01:34A peaceful haven in the west country of England.
01:37Do not be deceived.
01:39This is a nerve centre with horses.
01:40Where I plan to solve the nation's biggest issues.
01:42First on my list.
01:43Something guaranteed to inflame the indignant passions of Englishmen and women nationwide.
01:46Well that'll learn you.
01:47The yellow square of shame.
01:48Ah.
01:49It's the worst feeling in the world.
01:50Oh.
01:51It's the worst feeling in the world.
01:52Oh.
01:53Oh.
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02:43Oh.
02:44Oh.
02:46However, just out of interest, Dan, how long had you paid to park?
02:50I paid to park for an hour.
02:51And when was that issued?
02:53Five minutes after the time.
02:54Ah! And there you go, you see.
02:56What a lot of people don't realise is that there is a ten-minute grace period.
03:01If you pay for parking of half an hour or more,
03:04there is ten minutes beyond that in which a traffic warden
03:07may not issue a ticket, at least not legally.
03:11And a lot of people don't realise this,
03:12and more importantly, a lot of traffic wardens don't realise this.
03:16So, what we're going to do is devise a system
03:19that warns traffic wardens of this piece of legislation
03:22and make sure they don't issue a parking ticket
03:25when they are not permitted to.
03:31The law is an ass.
03:34Of the 93,000 people who challenged a parking ticket in 2023,
03:39nearly half were successful and had their fine overturned.
03:43But if thousands of tickets are incorrectly issued each year
03:47by traffic wardens, something must be done.
03:51And it's going to take three men to find a solution in a shed.
03:55Bringing the brains...
03:59That means the winner is Sim.
04:03My engineering pal of 20 years, Simmy.
04:06We're going to make it better, though.
04:09Simmy can juggle anything I throw at him.
04:13Almost.
04:15And my other mate is a handyman who calls himself Tony the Tool.
04:19That's a job for you, Tony.
04:21He's good with wood.
04:24It's meant to be miles off, so you can chisel in.
04:26And game for just about anything.
04:28Tell my children I love them.
04:31As for me, I provide the shed and the fantastic hair.
04:37Gentlemen and crew, assemble.
04:45We're all ready, as usual.
04:47Right, viewers, the fight back against traffic wardens
04:52who don't understand the very legislation they are there to enforce.
04:57Nothing else starts here.
05:00And it's going to involve a bit of woodwork,
05:02and it's going to involve some electronics and a timer and a sensor
05:05and one of these, a megaphone.
05:13That's quite loud.
05:14That is quite loud.
05:15We have in mind a rooftop traffic warden warning system for my car,
05:22where a sign pops up...
05:24That's a Series 1 panda you've drawn.
05:26Mine's a Series 3.
05:28..and the legislation is read aloud
05:30if the sensor detects a ticket issued within the 10-minute grace period.
05:36Right, the exact wording is quite tedious,
05:39but given that it's a law, it probably needs to be displayed in full.
05:45So I think we might as well make it almost as big as the roof of the car.
05:48And then it would go...
05:50And then this would go...
05:52I say, traffic warden,
05:56full details of the law are displayed in front of you on the sign that just popped up.
06:01Now, until ten minutes are up.
06:04Something like that.
06:05Yeah.
06:05Right, I will read it to you, but you can see just how verbose it is.
06:10The Secretary of State, an exercise of the powers conferred by sections 72, 73, back brackets 3 and 89,
06:17provision which was called A but is now called 1.
06:20No penalty charges payable for the contravention where the vehicle has been left beyond the permitted parking period
06:26for a period not exceeding ten minutes.
06:30There it is.
06:30That's the law, and it's signed by Eric Pickles.
06:36I met Eric Pickles once.
06:37He was tremendous.
06:38Born 20th of April 1952.
06:41Parents, Constance, Joyce Pickles and Jack Branston Pickles.
06:45Branston Creek?
06:46No, that's a joke.
06:47No, I made that up, Lottie.
06:51Right, shall we do some woodwork?
06:53Let's go to the chop saw.
06:56While Sim engineers a sensor to detect a parking ticket and a timer to set the grace period,
07:04Tony and I tackle the frame.
07:06Hands clear.
07:08Contact.
07:10For our plan to work, we need a sign that pops up only when a ticket is detected within that magic ten minutes.
07:18Let's get it to length first.
07:20And is big enough to display the letter of the law to the letter.
07:26Are you thinking of just screwing that together?
07:29The time, yes.
07:32Looks pretty good, actually.
07:34So that's the basic frame built.
07:37Next, we need to give our legalese some lift.
07:41So you're going to hinge it here?
07:42It's when it's released.
07:44So it pivots from there.
07:47How do we wind it?
07:48I don't know.
07:52While superbrain Simi scratches his head,
07:56I take the opportunity to enjoy a nice relaxing cup of tea under my favourite tree.
08:02When I eventually return to the shed, Simi has made what looks like a sort of cat's cradle for blokes.
08:13Now I need to tie those.
08:15And that's got to go through there.
08:18And then we tie that.
08:19However, they will need to be the same length.
08:23Simi has decided to use something designed for torsion weapons before springs were invented.
08:29Also known as...
08:31Tourniquet.
08:32No, it's a tourniquet.
08:33It's a tourniquet.
08:34But it has to be a precise length, which requires tying a precise knot in a precise place.
08:41Were you in the scouts, anyone?
08:43I wasn't.
08:44I wasn't.
08:47You're in the scouts!
08:48You'll have heard of the tourniquet you might tie if, for example, you've cut off your own leg and are bleeding to death.
08:57You pull that all the way through there.
08:59This tourniquet is how medieval boy scouts used to fire projectiles.
09:03Huge amount of string.
09:04Before giant springs were invented, trebuchets and crossbows used tightly twisted rope, which stores up energy.
09:13When released, it's powerful enough to launch whatever you want at whoever you don't like.
09:19So we've both got a free end.
09:24So we could tie that through there and then tie it in the middle.
09:27So the string, being in a continuous loop, when twisted, string becomes spring.
09:38We hope that the powers stored in this tourniquet, once we wind it up, will be enough to lift our giant sign.
09:45That's a terrible knot, isn't it?
09:47No, no, it's just a knot that...
09:48So they say in the Navy, if you can't tie a knot, tie a lot.
09:54So Simi, do you think this will work?
10:00Possibly. Possibly.
10:02But if it doesn't work, we're back to square one.
10:05It's definitely working.
10:06It's medieval science.
10:07It is, but there's a lot of tension going on around here.
10:12And it could just all implode.
10:13But I think we should wind it up and we will see.
10:15OK, well, why don't you two wind it up?
10:17I think so.
10:20Simi and Tony, using their immense strength, have wound this about as tightly as they can.
10:26Just a few final tweaks with our 14th century angle grinder.
10:33And Simi's antediluvian hammer.
10:35OK, stand back, everybody, because I'm going to release the vertical component of the sign lifter.
10:41Are you ready?
10:42No.
10:43Everybody ready on cameras?
10:47In three, two, one...
10:50Welcome back to Wiltshire and the war against erroneous parking tickets.
11:01We have built a rooftop frame for my car, onto which we'll fix a giant printout of the legislation.
11:09Now we're about to test the tourniquet that lifts it up.
11:14Once the camera crew have sorted themselves out...
11:16Is everyone happy?
11:17OK, so we need a build-up to this.
11:20And action.
11:21Simi, do you think this will work?
11:25Possibly.
11:26By releasing the tightly wound ropes, we hope the stored energy will be enough to raise the sign.
11:33Everybody ready on cameras?
11:35In three, two, one...
11:37Woo!
11:39Hey!
11:44Huzzah!
11:44As they say in medieval times.
11:50Are you happy?
11:51Yes, I like the elegance of it, and it's historical as well.
11:55It has historical context.
11:58So, with some wood and some string, the materials that were used by our forebears,
12:03by our great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfathers,
12:09plus an impact driver and an ankle grinder,
12:12we are ready to end that dark period in history
12:16that has come to be known as the erroneous parking ticket
12:20issued during the ten-minute grace period
12:23in accordance with subsection B
12:24of the Road Traffic Act Amendment of 2015.
12:31Excellent work, men.
12:32Very good. Let's finish it off.
12:42While Tony finishes the frame and installs the sign,
12:46I'm off for a moment of quiet reflection.
12:53I'm very fortunate to call Wiltshire my home.
12:57I'm even more fortunate to have my own pub.
13:00Morning!
13:03But it's not all IPA and me time.
13:07Sometimes, such as today, I come to the pub to have a quiet pint
13:11and contemplate my good luck in life,
13:13and somebody will come up to me
13:16with some knackered, priceless, sentimental family heirloom
13:21and say,
13:21Oh, James, could you just mend this?
13:24Yes, the downside of the locals knowing you have a pub
13:27and a penchant for tinkering
13:29is they also know where to ambush you.
13:31And sure enough, no sooner had Sim joined me in the garden
13:37than local Roger turns up with his grandfather's clockwork boat.
13:43I first saw it when I was about six, seven years old.
13:46My grandfather said,
13:47I've got this for you.
13:49When I get it working, you shall have it.
13:51And 17 years later,
13:54when he died and I was clearing out his cupboard,
13:56I found that in the back of the drawer.
13:59So it's never worked?
14:01Not in my lifetime.
14:02Have you had it in water?
14:03I've put it in the water and pushed it, but never.
14:07Right, OK.
14:09Oh, we need to get that open and have a look.
14:11Shall I, well, as it happens, my tool kit is always to hand.
14:14What about my long carburettor screwdriver,
14:16which gives you good leverage?
14:17Look at that.
14:18That is a nice screwdriver.
14:19That is a nice screwdriver.
14:20So have you ever taken it apart?
14:23No, no.
14:24My grandfather was something of a perfectionist,
14:27and I felt if I messed it up,
14:30it would be on my head and I shall regret it.
14:32I can see that it's clockwork,
14:33because I can see the square shaft that the key goes on,
14:36but you don't have the key and you've never had the key.
14:38Never had a key with it, no.
14:39So this has never worked in your lifetime, Roger.
14:43Do you mind if I ask how old you are now?
14:4678.
14:46So this is coming off for the first time in at least 72 years.
14:50Oh, look at that.
14:53Can you see this film crew?
14:55That is a, so the Germans were exceptionally good at,
14:58this is a wooden bow,
14:59but they were good at tin toys, clockwork and so on in the 1920s and 30s.
15:03In fact, they were probably the world leaders at that sort of thing.
15:07So I'm expecting something quite exquisite.
15:12Yeah, the spring looks to be intact.
15:15I think you've probably bashed that prop a few times, haven't you, Roger?
15:20I should think so, yeah.
15:20So I think all we really need to do with that, Simmy,
15:24is take the motor out, possibly strip it, clean it,
15:28lube it, straighten the prop a bit,
15:30do a little bit of reshaping on this,
15:32but without altering the patina, put it back together.
15:36And there's your boat, sir.
15:37What are you going to do with it?
15:38Find a pond and take my grandchildren along
15:41as a memento of their great-great-grandfather.
15:45Great, yes.
15:46Great-great-grandfather.
15:48Reluctantly, Simmy and I leave our pints and head back to the shed
15:54to see if we can bring Roger's grandfather's boat back to life.
16:02So, viewers, we're going to make a key,
16:04but we do know that it works
16:05because we wound it with a pair of slip pliers.
16:07Other problems are the rudder is not properly attached,
16:11the propeller is misshapen,
16:12but most importantly, we need to take the motor out
16:15and give it a jolly good clean,
16:16and that's why...
16:18Ha-ha!
16:20Our new favourite thing.
16:23First, we need to remove that exquisite clockwork motor.
16:26Ooh, that is turning.
16:28For the first time since it went in there.
16:30Yeah.
16:34Right.
16:34Don't let me let go of it, otherwise...
16:37Keep your fingers on, all right?
16:41Whoa, look at that!
16:45There's not much wrong with that, to be honest.
16:52This is my ultrasonic cleaner.
16:54It's full of a cleansing fluid,
16:56and, in essence, it explodes a load of bubbles on the surface of things,
17:01and that knocks the dirt off.
17:03It's going in.
17:08Let's see what that does.
17:10While the ultrasonic cleaner cleans ultrasonically...
17:13It's a little bit stiff...
17:16We try and straighten the rudder.
17:19Not bad.
17:21Right, the ultrasonic cleaner's finished.
17:23Ooh, that's clean.
17:25That's much better.
17:27Ten minutes to dry it off.
17:29Right, whilst that's happening...
17:32Ooh, that did something!
17:35That'll do, comes the cry of the perfectionist down the ages.
17:38Time to refit the spotless motor.
17:42There you go.
17:43Right, I think it needs to come to you.
17:46No, there's the hole there.
17:48You see that one?
17:49Yeah, and there it is.
17:49There you are, it's in.
17:51The boat is back together and greatly improved.
17:54The brake now works, the rudder is now straight,
17:56and it is settable.
17:58That's lovely, which is really nice.
18:00That hasn't been like that for a very long time.
18:02And then it's, well, we've got to make a key.
18:04Yep.
18:05But then she's ready for sea trials,
18:07which will be a pond or a bath.
18:12To make the key for Roger's grandfather's clockwork boat,
18:19we need the lathe.
18:22Say where?
18:23And action.
18:25I start by facing off the brass rod,
18:30then drilling a hole in the centre to the required depth.
18:35So that's one, two, three, zero, seven, eights.
18:37So what I've done there, viewers,
18:44is lathe work, page one.
18:47I've faced off a piece of brass, drilled a hole through it,
18:50parted it off and faced off the other end.
18:52That's just about the simplest thing you can do on a lathe, isn't it?
18:55There is a round hole going through a piece of brass,
18:57but Simi is now going to turn that into a square hole
19:00using the skill of the craftsperson.
19:04Whilst you work on that,
19:05I'm going to open my special broad-necked flask,
19:09which has a folding spoon.
19:12Very good.
19:14I'm not going to show you what's in here,
19:15cos it's secret.
19:16My favourite.
19:22Back in a minute.
19:24Very good.
19:26Whilst I tuck into my secret lunch,
19:28Simi files the round hole so it can fit a square peg.
19:33James?
19:33Yeah?
19:34I think I've done your key.
19:36I'll go on quick.
19:37Well, I could have been quicker, but...
19:39That's beautiful, man.
19:40Actually, what would be quite nice
19:42is to just put a knurled knob on the top.
19:45Ooh.
19:45Cos then it's very individual.
19:47It's very personalised.
19:49I can do you a knurled knob.
19:52To successfully knurl a knob,
19:54I need a special knurling tool.
19:57Knurling is a cross-hatched pattern
19:59that makes things grippy.
20:02Yes, that is knurling.
20:04OK, I'm going to go for it.
20:10It's quite nice, isn't it?
20:11Next, I drill a hole in the centre
20:13to accept the bit we've already made.
20:16Job well done.
20:18All that's left to do
20:19is solder the two pieces together.
20:22Here we go, here we go.
20:23Here we go, here we go.
20:24Here we go, here we go.
20:25Here we go, here we go.
20:25Got it.
20:26Is it gone?
20:27Yep.
20:29Beautiful.
20:29That is still actually quite warm
20:36when you've been holding it for several seconds.
20:38Even hot.
20:39Yeah, that bit's probably a little water.
20:41So I'll say very quickly
20:43that I think we've achieved greatness there
20:44and that looks fabulous
20:45and I hope Roger appreciates it.
20:46Now, if there's one thing I love more than my lathe,
20:54it's pubs.
20:56I love them so much I bought one.
20:59Pubs are a very tough business.
21:03That's why so many are closing.
21:06So those of us with successful surviving pubs
21:09have to think constantly
21:10about how to keep costs down
21:12without compromising quality.
21:14Today, I'm concerned with the cost of producing chips,
21:20a staple of pubs everywhere
21:21but with the potential to ruin the whole business.
21:27This is Mark,
21:28one of the chefs at the Royal Oak Swallowcliff
21:31just off the A30 between Shaftesbury and Salisbury.
21:34And he makes chips.
21:35He doesn't only make chips,
21:36he makes all sorts of delicious things
21:38but he does spend quite a lot of his time making the chips.
21:40How many potatoes do you think you turn into chips in a week?
21:43We do about five or six bags,
21:45there's about 140 potatoes in a bag.
21:48So it's thousands of potatoes.
21:50It's turned into chips every week.
21:51By hand.
21:52Wow.
21:53Anyway, the pub would like me to buy them
21:55a chip-making machine
21:57which I think costs about 450 quid, isn't it?
22:00That'd be great.
22:01Yeah.
22:02But what if there's another way?
22:04What if there is a money-saving,
22:07engineering-based solution?
22:09Sim and Tony think they may have one.
22:11Leaves frayed in a tantalising way.
22:18I wonder what they're cooking up.
22:23And will their idea be as good as mine?
22:26It's a bit of overkill for a potato, isn't it?
22:28The British pub teeters on the verge of extinction,
22:40all because of chips.
22:43It's either hours of cutting them by hand
22:46or a prohibitively expensive chip-making machine.
22:50We are trying to save time and cut costs
22:54whilst chopping chips.
22:58So Simi and Tony think the answer is a tennis bat.
23:01This is a perfectly standard one.
23:03It's not been replaced with cheese wire or anything.
23:06It's just normal nylon strings.
23:08And the idea is that you hit the potato
23:10and the potato comes out of the other side as chips.
23:13How should we try it?
23:14On drum serve.
23:16Can we just question...
23:17Do you just like thinking this is going to work?
23:19Because it'll work.
23:20It's the most ridiculous thing.
23:22Well, I don't...
23:23You've got a rock-hard potato
23:24and quite a soft-string tennis racket.
23:27The crew are very cynical
23:28about the tennis racket method.
23:30I don't see why it wouldn't work.
23:32I mean, it's no more remarkable
23:34than cutting up a big piece of cheese
23:36in a supermarket with a...
23:37I know that's a wire and these are nylon,
23:39but they're very taut.
23:41You need to hit that with some gusto, though.
23:43I'll serve it to you here.
23:45Right.
23:46And if you hit it with a forearm smash...
23:48OK.
23:51Hey!
23:51Oh!
23:54Look!
23:55That's a perfect chip.
23:57That's a chip.
23:58And that's a chip.
23:59That one.
24:00Look at that.
24:00Look at those chips!
24:02They're chips!
24:04To whom should I show these?
24:06Right.
24:07Our work here is done.
24:08Can I just say
24:09that if I showed you those
24:10in the kitchen of my house,
24:11you'd say,
24:12Oh, James has made some chips.
24:14No doubt about it whatsoever.
24:15Those are chips.
24:16And everybody on this crew
24:17said,
24:18No, a tennis racket won't work.
24:19Well, it does.
24:21They've got grass in them.
24:22I accept that.
24:23But nevertheless...
24:26Collection of the chips
24:27is a bit of an issue.
24:29If I go in and say,
24:30I'd like steak and chips, please,
24:31somebody has to go
24:32and walk around a field
24:33for half an hour
24:34picking chips up.
24:37Is there a way
24:38of making this
24:39more contained,
24:41more repeatable?
24:42Hmm.
24:43Can we attach something
24:44on the back
24:45of the tennis racket
24:46to catch them?
24:47Although it would
24:47slow the tennis racket down
24:48because of drag,
24:49unless it was a net.
24:50But is there a way
24:50of fixing the tennis racket
24:52and throwing the potatoes
24:53at it?
24:55Yeah, we could do that.
24:56And then put a bucket
24:57behind them
24:58and you just get
24:58a bucket of chips.
24:59Yeah.
25:01After a brief interlude
25:02to gather some more equipment,
25:05we return with our
25:09potato chipper
25:10version 2.0.
25:12which is a mounted tennis bat
25:15and a cannon.
25:17All we need now
25:18is a method behind here
25:20for collecting the chips
25:21as they fly through.
25:23So you just go
25:23bang, bang, bang,
25:24walk back to the pub
25:25with a massive tub of chips.
25:28Easy.
25:29That can simply sit there
25:30and catch all the chips.
25:33Oh!
25:34For maximised ballistic effect,
25:35we've cut the potatoes
25:36to the same size
25:38as the bore of the cannon.
25:40Clever.
25:43Cue the inevitable lecture
25:45in health and safety.
25:47It's a very high-speed cannon
25:49and a very heavy potato.
25:52The crew of HMS Victory
25:53didn't wear safety goggles.
25:55Nelson would be alive
25:56and well today if he had.
25:57Well, he did lose an eye,
25:59didn't he?
26:01The power behind
26:02our supersized spud gun
26:03is Simi's air compressor,
26:05also useful
26:06for inflating beach toys.
26:08Simi is loading,
26:11Tony is firing,
26:12I'm aiming.
26:15Glasses on.
26:15Glasses on.
26:18That's four bar.
26:19Well tapped, Tony.
26:22Ready?
26:23Yep.
26:23Fire in the hole.
26:24Whoa!
26:30Those are chips.
26:32Chips, man!
26:34Loads of chips.
26:36That works.
26:37That is the beginnings
26:38of a big bucket of chips.
26:40All we need now
26:41is a few more potatoes.
26:42That's a potato.
26:44And our slow-mo camera.
26:46I think you just killed
26:57the GoPro.
26:58Go pro.
26:58If the word gets out
27:06that the Royal Oak
27:07is producing chips
27:08in a novel way,
27:09it will become
27:10even more busy
27:11and popular
27:12than it already is.
27:13And I don't think
27:14that's very efficient.
27:16But I suddenly remembered
27:18if you two wait there.
27:20What's that?
27:22What the?
27:23My high-power answer
27:29to chipping potatoes
27:30is a rather lovely
27:31burnt-orange
27:33two-tonne
27:3355-horsepower
27:35diesel
27:36wood chipper
27:37capable of chipping
27:40eight-inch logs.
27:41It's a bit of overkill
27:42for a potato,
27:43isn't it?
27:44And therefore
27:45a King Edward.
27:46Oh, God!
27:47What do you think?
27:51It has the word chip
27:52in its name.
27:53Will it fit in the kitchen?
27:54No.
27:55It will fit in the garden
27:56or the car park.
27:58And this will make chips
27:59on an industrial scale.
28:03So that goes roughly...
28:05Meh.
28:09Ready?
28:09Ready.
28:10Feed in the potatoes.
28:15Put the bucket.
28:17Hey.
28:24Well.
28:26I'm not quite sure
28:27what you'd call that.
28:28That looks like
28:29when you make
28:30a potato what, sir?
28:31Rosti.
28:33That'd make a fantastic rosti, that.
28:35This is field to fork.
28:36That is quite literally
28:37off the field there.
28:39I can pretty much guarantee
28:41that when we take those
28:41into the kitchen
28:42and give them to Mark,
28:43he's going to have
28:43a small tantrum.
28:44So, will Mark agree
28:48that we've come up
28:49with a fantastic alternative
28:50to the £450 chip-making machine?
28:53They look like you've
28:54kicked him around the car park.
28:56Well, we sort of did in a way,
28:57or around a field.
28:58These are my chips.
29:00Those are pure tennis racket chips.
29:02These are Simi's chips,
29:04which are tennis racket
29:06and air cannon.
29:07And these are Tony's chips
29:09and potato mush.
29:11Keep the grass, everything.
29:13As is.
29:13Use this garnish.
29:14Au natural.
29:15I don't know what to say.
29:16I think my daughter
29:17did something like this
29:17when she was about to.
29:21While Mark prepares
29:22our new low-cost,
29:24no-chop chips,
29:26we reward our efforts
29:28with a nice, refreshing pint
29:30of lemonade.
29:32I used to play this
29:34with my brother
29:35when I was, I don't know,
29:37eight or nine
29:37and he was six or seven.
29:39This is just plain lemonade
29:40and the game is
29:42to see who can put
29:43their tongue in it
29:43for the longest.
29:46Sure.
29:47Because...
29:48No, because, well,
29:49I don't know.
29:50Is this what you used to play?
29:51Yeah.
29:51Maybe you're more sensitive
29:52as a child,
29:53but after about 15 or 20 seconds
29:54it starts to hurt,
29:56believe it or not.
29:57Right, you ready?
29:58Yeah.
29:58In three, two, one, go.
30:00You might be forgiven
30:03for thinking this is
30:04just three grown men
30:05with their tongue
30:06stuck in pints of lemonade.
30:10We're actually testing
30:11our endurance to carbonic acid,
30:13which is what gives
30:14the lemonade its fizz.
30:22Wow.
30:24I don't like it.
30:26Yes, doesn't it?
30:27Oh, we have a whippet.
30:33Tony!
30:35That's so good.
30:37Isn't that weird?
30:37Why does it hurt your tongue?
30:39I don't know.
30:40And how did we discover that?
30:41So, Tony's best
30:46at sticking his tongue
30:47in lemonade.
30:53But now,
30:54back to chips.
30:55Have we saved
30:56Chef Mark time
30:57and the Royal Oak money?
30:58That's in
30:59Nice, thank you.
31:01with grass.
31:04They look ace.
31:07All right, good.
31:09These are nice, fluffy.
31:11Great.
31:12Good news and bad news,
31:14viewers.
31:14The good news is...
31:16My chips are as cheap as chips.
31:19The bad news, however...
31:21Has a slight
31:22Tennessee quality to it.
31:25I don't like the grass.
31:27I think I've got to buy
31:28the chip-making machine,
31:30if I'm really honest.
31:32You've wolfed that, Tony.
31:34The chips are beautiful.
31:35So, £450 lighter,
31:41but with a happy chef,
31:42it's time to return
31:45to the bane
31:46of all our lives.
31:55We've built
31:56a pop-up frame
31:57for my car
31:57to remind ticket-happy
31:59traffic wardens
32:00of the law.
32:01Huzzah!
32:03As they say
32:03in medieval times.
32:06Next,
32:07the tech
32:07that triggers
32:08the warning device.
32:11Simi has devised
32:12a system
32:12using two timers.
32:15The switch
32:15from the one-hour timer
32:17could effectively
32:18be a solenoid
32:20to trigger
32:20the second timer.
32:21Yes.
32:22An electromagnet.
32:24Yes.
32:26I like an electromagnet.
32:27And something
32:28called a PIR sensor.
32:31Passive infrared,
32:32the sort of thing
32:33that controls
32:34your security lights
32:35when somebody walks past.
32:36Time to fit the rig
32:37onto my panda.
32:41If the PIR sensor
32:43detects unauthorised
32:45movement on the windscreen
32:46within the 10-minute
32:47grace period,
32:49my rooftop contraption
32:51will unleash
32:52legislative hell.
32:53Right, I now have
32:58to record the words.
33:00I think I might only
33:00have one shot at this.
33:02Here we go.
33:03Is everybody ready?
33:04Now hear this.
33:05Traffic warden,
33:06road traffic England,
33:07the civil enforcement
33:08of parking contraventions
33:09England general
33:10amendment regulations
33:112015.
33:13And in the time
33:14it takes for me
33:15to read the legislation
33:16in full,
33:17that's five more
33:18parking tickets
33:19that we could have saved.
33:20And that is because...
33:22No penalty charge
33:23is payable
33:24for the contravention
33:25where the vehicle
33:26has been left
33:26beyond the permitted
33:27parking period
33:28for a period
33:29not exceeding
33:3110 minutes.
33:32Got it?
33:33That's from
33:34Eric Pickles,
33:35Secretary of State,
33:38Department of Communities
33:39and Local Government.
33:43Good.
33:44Right.
33:44Let's go.
33:46Simmy,
33:46Tony.
33:48Come on,
33:48we're going shopping.
33:50We're going up to town.
33:51Ooh,
33:52you can have an ice cream
33:53if you want.
33:56Road trip.
34:01Are we there yet?
34:02Nearly.
34:07So,
34:08how will
34:08the unsuspecting locals
34:10react
34:10when our parking
34:11legislation-loaded
34:13panda
34:13rolls into town?
34:15For legislation-lovers
34:24everywhere,
34:25the big day
34:25has arrived.
34:27Exciting.
34:28It is quite exciting.
34:29Yeah.
34:30We're off to my local town,
34:31Tisbury,
34:32where we will road test
34:33our traffic warden
34:35warning device.
34:36Normally,
34:36you go to town
34:37in the car
34:37and you think,
34:38oh,
34:38I hope I don't get
34:38a parking ticket.
34:40But we hope
34:40we do get a parking ticket.
34:42Or at least
34:43we hope we get
34:43a parking ticket
34:44in the 10 minutes
34:45between the expiration
34:46of the allotted
34:46parking time
34:47and the 10-minute window
34:48that's been inserted
34:49into the regulations
34:50in April 2015
34:51by Judge Eric Pickles.
34:57Space.
34:57Nice.
34:58Oh, perfect.
35:00There.
35:04That's a terrible
35:05bit of parking.
35:06That is an awful
35:06bit of parking, James.
35:07Yeah.
35:08I cocked that up,
35:09didn't I?
35:09Trying to be clever.
35:10Right, a quick reminder
35:14of how this works.
35:15Obviously,
35:15this is a prototype.
35:16If it's ever included
35:17as an option
35:18on new cars,
35:19it'll be quite
35:19a bit more refined.
35:21But,
35:21essentially,
35:22there are two timers
35:23in this unit here
35:25and the display
35:26comes up here
35:27with the time elapsed.
35:28I'm going to set this
35:29for one hour
35:30because that's how much
35:31parking I'm about
35:31to pay for.
35:32At the end of an hour,
35:34it switches over
35:35to this circuit
35:36which displays
35:37a countdown
35:37of 10 minutes
35:38on there.
35:39During that 10-minute period,
35:41the PIR sensor
35:42is active
35:43and if anybody tries
35:44to put a ticket
35:45on the car,
35:46the message will crop up
35:47and my voice
35:48will come out
35:48of the megaphone
35:49warning them
35:49that they're actually
35:51on the wrong side
35:52of the law.
35:53So,
35:53I'm just going to
35:54finish paying
35:54for the parking
35:55for one hour
35:57and started
35:59and turn the system on
36:01and we're off
36:03to the hardware shop.
36:03My Panda
36:08is a ticking time bomb
36:10of electromagnets,
36:12tourniquets
36:12and the law.
36:14Just waiting
36:15for a ticket-happy
36:16traffic warden
36:17or a member
36:18of the production team
36:19in a high-vis.
36:22But in the meantime...
36:24This is Coffee Angels
36:26where you get an excellent
36:26bacon and egg roll.
36:28The Chinese is good
36:29if you're in on your own
36:30watching Where Eagles Dare.
36:32Hardware's on the right.
36:34Oh, look!
36:35The thermos
36:36with the little spoon in.
36:38Little screwdrivers.
36:39Everything you could
36:40possibly want.
36:44It turns out
36:45time flies
36:46when you're three blokes
36:47looking at tools.
36:48You don't need a tape measure.
36:49I know,
36:50but I like tape measures.
36:52When the pump's shut
36:53and they're clear...
36:53With just five minutes
36:54until the Panda is armed...
36:56It's time
37:00to take our positions.
37:02Right, let's have
37:03a nice refreshing
37:04cup of tea
37:04and observe our car.
37:08With our traffic warden
37:09slash team member
37:10lurking...
37:11The time is upon us
37:13to see if our
37:14prototype warning system
37:15works.
37:19Is she getting the ticket out?
37:36Oh!
37:37No way!
37:38Wait for it!
37:41No!
37:42Yes!
37:47Oh!
37:48That's so good!
37:50It's like the sails
37:52of the Cutty Sark.
37:56Now hear this.
37:57Traffic warden,
37:58road traffic,
37:59England,
37:59the civil enforcement
38:00of parking contraventions,
38:01England,
38:01general amendment
38:02regulations,
38:032015.
38:05The regulations
38:06in full.
38:07These regulations
38:08may be cycled
38:09as the civil enforcement
38:10of parking contraventions,
38:11England,
38:11general amendment...
38:12That's never happened
38:13before, has it?
38:13A great big sign
38:14has erected itself
38:15on the top of the car.
38:16That looks fantastic.
38:22The locals are out
38:24in their tens
38:25to see Tisbury,
38:26assume its rightful place
38:28in the annals
38:28of history,
38:30thanks to the launch
38:31of our traffic warden
38:32warning device.
38:36It's quite elaborate,
38:38but...
38:39but it worked.
38:40No penalty charge
38:42is payable
38:43for the contravention
38:44where the vehicle
38:44has been left
38:45beyond the permitted
38:46parking period
38:47for a period
38:48not exceeding
38:49ten minutes.
38:51Got it?
38:52That's from
38:53Eric Pickles,
38:54Secretary of State
38:56of Department
38:57of Communities
38:58and Local Government.
39:00Yes!
39:05That's so good!
39:07That is so good!
39:08LAUGHTER
39:09That is a victory
39:12for common sense,
39:14it's a victory
39:14for the motorist,
39:15it's a victory
39:16for the rule of law
39:18and it's a victory
39:19for our hero,
39:21Eric Pickles.
39:22Thank you, sir.
39:25We've still got to move
39:26in the next
39:26six and a half minutes.
39:31So,
39:31we've seen off
39:32one ticket-happy
39:33traffic warden.
39:35Now,
39:36I've got to see
39:36a man about a boat.
39:40You see,
39:40there's only one thing
39:42better than
39:42mending something
39:43like a broken
39:44clockwork toy
39:45and that's
39:46reuniting it
39:47with its owner,
39:49like Roger here.
39:51Good afternoon, sir.
39:52How are you?
39:53I'm fine, thank you.
39:54Good to see you again.
39:54Here is your boat.
39:57Wow.
39:57OK,
39:58would you like us
39:58to tell you
39:59what we've done?
40:00I'd love to know
40:00what you've done.
40:02Removed,
40:03ultrasonically cleaned,
40:05serviced and
40:05re-lubricated
40:06the engine,
40:07reshaped the prop.
40:08That looks a lot better.
40:09Yes.
40:10Reattached
40:11the rudder
40:12to a reshaped
40:13tiller,
40:15which now
40:15locks into position
40:16on that bar.
40:18Yes.
40:19Which you didn't do previously.
40:19And you've never
40:21had a key for it.
40:21I'm afraid I don't
40:22have a key, no.
40:24Well,
40:24you have now.
40:27Fantastic.
40:28But is Roger's
40:29grandfather's
40:30toy boat
40:31ship-shape
40:32and pond-worthy?
40:33So what we thought
40:34we could do,
40:34since you've never
40:35been able to do this,
40:36is you can wind it,
40:38set the rudder,
40:39Simi will row out
40:40in the little boat
40:41to the middle of the lake,
40:42you can send it to him,
40:44and then he can
40:45rewind it
40:46and send it back
40:47so that it emerges
40:48as if from your
40:49incomplete childhood
40:50crewed by the spirits
40:52of your forebears.
40:53Only 72 years
40:55after it was given
40:56to me.
40:56That is fantastic.
40:57This boat is overdue,
40:59but it is coming.
41:00Okay, Simi,
41:01off you go in the boat.
41:02I'll go for the boat.
41:03You wind her up, sir.
41:06That's quite a big spring,
41:08it turns out.
41:08Yes.
41:10So you place it in the water,
41:11simply push that aside
41:13and release,
41:14and don't fall in the lake.
41:16Amy's at the boat.
41:31Wow.
41:34Yes.
41:35Fantastic.
41:37That's absolutely fantastic.
41:42Oh, I think it's got
41:44weed on the propeller.
41:46Do you believe that?
41:50That was so fantastic
41:51for a few seconds.
41:52It was...
41:53It was obviously
41:55doing what it was
41:56intended to do.
41:58That's further
41:58than it's ever been before.
41:59In my part,
42:00since I've owned it.
42:02Deweeding.
42:03Oh, God.
42:05Right, Simi will now
42:07send it back.
42:07It has to avoid
42:08the weed,
42:09the duck,
42:09the swan,
42:10and the weight
42:11of history.
42:13Simi,
42:14let her go.
42:16There we go.
42:17Slight right rudder,
42:19but...
42:19That's fantastic.
42:20It's incredible.
42:21Oh, look.
42:24There she comes.
42:25That lake is a whole ocean
42:27to that little toy boat.
42:32That's its longest voyage
42:34so far.
42:34Yes.
42:36I hope your grandfather
42:38is suitably pleased.
42:39I'm sure he'll be
42:41spinning in his grave
42:42to know that finally
42:44it's got on the water
42:46and works.
42:48That's just incredible.
42:49Absolutely marvellous.
42:51Sir,
42:52I'm feeling slightly
42:53moved.
42:54Your boat, sir.
43:00Thank you so much.
43:01I'm absolutely thrilled,
43:03delighted,
43:04and I think my grandchildren
43:06are going to enjoy
43:07this very much.
43:08Excellent.
43:09Well,
43:09thank you very much
43:10for giving us
43:11the opportunity
43:11to mend it.
43:12So that's a win
43:13for my pub-based
43:14community mending programme.
43:17And one jolly roger.
43:20Sim,
43:20are you going to come back
43:22or are you just going
43:23to row around all day?
43:24I might just row around
43:25all day.
43:25It's quite nice.
43:28Do you want a pork pie?
43:29I've got one for you.
43:31I love a pork pie.
43:50I love a beef.
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