Idiocracy (2006) Watch HD

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Idiocracy (2006) is a creative sci-fi comedy that follows an ordinary man who unexpectedly wakes up in the future and discovers a world that has become very different from the one he knew. As he navigates this unusual society, he uses common sense, problem-solving, and patience to understand his new surroundings. The film blends humor, satire, and imaginative world-building, offering a fun and entertaining look at communication, teamwork, and adaptability. Idiocracy delivers clever comedy, memorable moments, and a playful story about learning, growth, and facing unexpected situations.  Idiocracy, Idiocracy 2006, Idiocracy movie, Idiocracy full movie, Idiocracy film, sci fi comedy, futuristic comedy, family friendly, humorous movie, lighthearted comedy, clever satire, imaginative story, engaging movie, memorable characters, fun adventure, 2006 movies, best 2006 movies, English movie, full movie online, Dailymotion movies, Dailymotion full movie, watch online movie, future story, problem solving, teamwork, adaptation, playful sci fi

Transcript

00:00:00You

00:00:30As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point.

00:00:46Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the fastest reproduced in greater numbers than the rest,

00:00:55a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits.

00:01:03Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent.

00:01:09But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction, a dumbing down.

00:01:16How did this happen?

00:01:18Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence.

00:01:21With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most

00:01:27and left the intelligent to become an endangered species.

00:01:32Having kids is such an important decision.

00:01:37We're just waiting for the right time.

00:01:39It's not something you want to rush into, obviously.

00:01:41No way.

00:01:43Oh shit, I'm pregnant again!

00:01:46Shit!

00:01:47I got too many damn kids!

00:01:49I thought you was on the pill or some shit!

00:01:51Hell, no!

00:01:52Shit!

00:01:53Must have been thinking of Brittany!

00:01:54Brittany?!

00:01:55No, you can't!

00:01:57There's no way we could have a child now.

00:01:59Not with the market the way it is, no.

00:02:01Oh god, no.

00:02:02That just wouldn't make any sense.

00:02:04Come on over here, bitch!

00:02:05He don't care about you!

00:02:07Yeah, well there must be something he likes over here!

00:02:10You mean nothing to me, baby?

00:02:12Oh shit!

00:02:14It wasn't me!

00:02:15It wasn't me!

00:02:16Well, we finally decided to have children, and I'm not pointing fingers, but it's not going

00:02:22well.

00:02:24And this is helping.

00:02:26I'm just saying that before I have in vitro, maybe you should be willing to...

00:02:29It's always me, right?

00:02:31Well, it's not my sperm count.

00:02:33I'm going to fuck all of y'all!

00:02:38That's my boy!

00:02:44Cleavon is lucky to be alive.

00:02:46He attempted to jump a jet ski from a lake into a swimming pool and impaled his crotch on

00:02:50an iron gate.

00:02:51But thanks to recent advances in stem cell research and the fine work of doctors Krensky and

00:02:55Altschuler, Cleavon should regain full reproductive function.

00:02:58Put your hands on my jug!

00:03:05Unfortunately, Trevor passed away from a heart attack while masturbating to produce sperm

00:03:11for artificial insemination.

00:03:13But I have some eggs frozen, so just as soon as the right guy comes along, you know...

00:03:19And so it went for generations, although few, if any, seem to notice.

00:03:29But in the year 2005, in a military base just outside of Washington, D.C., a simple army librarian

00:03:37was unknowingly about to change the entire course of human history.

00:03:42Hey, Bowers.

00:03:51This is Peterson, your new replacement.

00:03:54My what?

00:03:55I'm getting replaced?

00:03:56Yeah, they didn't tell you?

00:03:57No.

00:03:58Some new assignment.

00:04:00They're being all weird and hush-hush about it.

00:04:02I don't want a new assignment.

00:04:03I tell Sergeant Metzler that every time.

00:04:05I'm good at this.

00:04:06Good at what?

00:04:08Sitting on ass?

00:04:09No one ever comes in here.

00:04:11Yeah, I know.

00:04:12It's perfect for me.

00:04:13No one bothers me.

00:04:14I can't screw up.

00:04:15If I can just stay in here another eight years, I get my pension.

00:04:18I'm all set.

00:04:19Can you just get me out of this?

00:04:21No way.

00:04:22Not this time.

00:04:23It's coming from high up.

00:04:25Jesus, I don't understand.

00:04:27Why me?

00:04:28Every time Metzler says, leave, follow, or get out of the way, I get out of the way.

00:04:32Yeah, when he says that, you're not supposed to choose get out of the way.

00:04:36It's supposed to embarrass you into leading or at least following.

00:04:39That doesn't embarrass me.

00:04:42Look, Joe, you don't have a choice.

00:04:44You're just going to have to follow.

00:04:46Like, follow me upstairs, like now.

00:04:49Right now?

00:04:51Shouldn't I train this guy?

00:04:52I think he can figure out how to sit on his ass and watch TV all day.

00:04:56Let's go.

00:04:56Gentlemen, meet Joe Bowers, our first subject for the Human Hibernation Experiment.

00:05:10Now, as you know, throughout the years, many of our best pilots, soldiers, and military leaders

00:05:14often go their entire careers without ever seeing battle.

00:05:17With the Human Hibernation Project, we will be able to save our best men, frozen in their

00:05:22prime, for use when they are needed most.

00:05:25Joe here is not one of our best men.

00:05:29Mr. Bowers was chosen primarily for how remarkably average he is.

00:05:33Extremely average in every category.

00:05:36Remarkable, truly.

00:05:37The most average person in our entire armed forces.

00:05:41Additionally, he has no family, is unmarried, is an only child, and both parents are deceased,

00:05:46making him an ideal candidate, with no one to ask any nosy questions should something

00:05:50go wrong with the experiment.

00:05:52We had a little less luck in finding a female researcher's dream within our ranks, and were

00:05:57forced to look into the private sector.

00:06:01This is Rita.

00:06:03Like Joe, she has no immediate family.

00:06:05Rita agreed to participate in this experiment in exchange for dropping of certain criminal

00:06:10charges and a small fee.

00:06:12We did, however, have to come to an arrangement with her pimp, a gentleman who goes by the

00:06:17name Upgrade, which he spells thusly, with two Ds, as he says, for a double dose of this

00:06:24pimping.

00:06:25Upgrade agreed to loan us Rita for exactly one year, and keep quiet on the matter, in exchange

00:06:29for certain leeways with the local authorities in running his pimp game.

00:06:35First, however, there was the difficult challenge of gaining his trust.

00:06:40Collins, can we skip to the technicals, please?

00:06:43Sure.

00:06:44Let me just finish here.

00:06:45You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square.

00:06:49Collins!

00:06:52Fine.

00:06:53We'll move on.

00:06:54It is a fascinating world, though.

00:07:11Jesus Collins!

00:07:14Yeah, that's...

00:07:15Anyway, the experiment in which these two subjects are to be placed into a dry freeze

00:07:23for exactly one year is set to begin tomorrow.

00:07:26As you know, this is highly classified.

00:07:29However, if successful, we believe humans can be stored indefinitely.

00:07:33So, this is kind of crazy, huh?

00:07:44What unit are you with?

00:07:46I ain't in a service.

00:07:48Oh, private sector.

00:07:49Okay.

00:07:50So, what do you do?

00:07:54A little of this, a little of that.

00:07:56Wow, that's great.

00:07:58You know, I really envy people that can make a living that way.

00:08:00You know, doing a little of this and a little of that.

00:08:03I, uh, had a neighbor, Glenn, who used to make chainsaw sculptures.

00:08:07And then he'd sell them at the flea market.

00:08:10Yeah.

00:08:13So, uh, you an artist or something?

00:08:17Uh, yeah.

00:08:19You do paintings or...?

00:08:20Yeah, paintings.

00:08:22Okay, great.

00:08:24Mm-hmm.

00:08:26What do you paint, mostly?

00:08:29I don't know.

00:08:29You know, just people and fruit and shit.

00:08:34Oh.

00:08:35Well, must be great to be able to make a living doing something you love.

00:08:39Yeah, well, it's not all that's cracked up to be.

00:08:42Okay, who wants to go first?

00:08:43Me.

00:08:50What the f...

00:08:51Oh, hell no.

00:08:53Oh, hey, no, you know, you probably don't want to do that with the IVs attached and all.

00:08:57Well, what's the matter?

00:08:59Hey, Upgrade didn't tell me they'd be putting me no damn carving with tubes and shit!

00:09:03No, no, don't worry about it.

00:09:05It'll be safe.

00:09:05Trust me.

00:09:06What, who, who's Upgrade?

00:09:09He's my boyfriend.

00:09:11Man, how do you know this shit's safe?

00:09:13These guys, they know what they're doing.

00:09:15Don't worry.

00:09:15They've tested it on dogs and everything.

00:09:17What happens is, the drugs will kick in, drift off to sleep, we wake up in a year, you'll

00:09:22be painting again.

00:09:23It'll be fine.

00:09:24All right.

00:09:26Upgrade.

00:09:27That's an interesting name.

00:09:29Is he Dutch?

00:09:30See, because I knew this, uh, Dutch exchange student.

00:09:34His name's Oontgrad.

00:09:36Okay, my niggas, we're almost set here.

00:09:38Just go ahead and lie down.

00:09:39Relax.

00:09:39See you in a year.

00:09:52The Human Hibernation Project was one of the Army's most ambitious experiments, and one

00:09:58of its most secretive.

00:10:00But it was not immune from human error.

00:10:09Soon after Cullen's arrest, and the massive scandal that followed, the base was closed.

00:10:23It hadn't even been a year, and the entire project was simply forgotten.

00:10:29Things looked bleak for Joe, but they were even worse for mankind.

00:10:33As Joe and Rita lay dormant, the years passed, and mankind became stupider at a frightening

00:10:41rate.

00:10:50Some had high hopes that genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution.

00:10:56But sadly, the greatest minds and resources were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging

00:11:03erections.

00:11:07Meanwhile, the population exploded, and intelligence continued to decline until humanity was incapable

00:11:14of solving even its most basic problems, like garbage, which had been stacked for centuries

00:11:20with no plan whatsoever, leading to the great garbage avalanche of 2,505, which would set

00:11:28in motion the events that would change the world forever.

00:11:50a huge hit point of a time.

00:12:06I'll see you next time.

00:12:09AERMUIT VOLUITS.

00:12:15AERMUITS.

00:12:16AERMUITS.

00:12:18AERMUITS.

00:12:18All right.

00:12:25Oh.

00:12:26Oh.

00:12:27Oh.

00:12:31Oh.

00:12:32Oh.

00:12:33Oh.

00:12:34It's like I hit in a ball.

00:12:36Oh my balls.

00:12:38Oh.

00:12:39Oh.

00:12:41Oh.

00:12:42Oh.

00:12:43Huh?

00:12:45Oh.

00:12:52Oh.

00:12:53Please.

00:12:54Come on.

00:12:55Shut up.

00:13:08Where's Officer Collins?

00:13:10Shut up.

00:13:13Are we on base?

00:13:15I don't base your ass on my fist.

00:13:18On your face, ass.

00:13:20Shut up.

00:13:22I'm sorry.

00:13:23It's just...

00:13:24Where am I?

00:13:25Shut up!

00:13:26I told you already!

00:13:34Yeah!

00:13:35Well shut up!

00:13:37What is it?

00:13:38Uh oh my God!

00:13:57Unaware of what year it was, Joe wandered the streets desperate for help. But the English language

00:14:02But the English language had deteriorated into a hybrid of hillbilly, valley girl, inner-city slang, and various grunts.

00:14:11Joe was able to understand them, but when he spoke in an ordinary voice, he sounded pompous and faggy to them.

00:14:32Paggy, Dr. Lue, D-U-E-R, Forty, uh, Dr. Lue, Dr. Lue.

00:14:52Your floor is now clean. Your floor, your floor is now clean. Your floor, your floor is now clean.

00:15:00Hi, uh, I was in an army experiment,

00:15:04and I'm not feeling so well.

00:15:07I think it might have been the drugs they had me on.

00:15:09I've been hallucinating.

00:15:11My head is just killing me.

00:15:14My joints are all achy, and I...

00:15:19Is this a hospital, or...?

00:15:21Actually, I don't even know where I am.

00:15:24Please proceed to the diagnostic area on the right

00:15:27and have a healthy day.

00:15:29Oh.

00:15:31Thanks.

00:15:32Thank you!

00:15:45Uh, excuse me.

00:15:47I think this might be Gatorade or something.

00:15:49I was just looking for some regular water.

00:15:51Water?

00:15:52Yeah.

00:15:53You mean like in the toilet?

00:15:54What for?

00:15:55Uh, no, just to drink.

00:15:58You got hepatitis.

00:16:09Oh, is someone not feeling well?

00:16:11Your illness is very important to us.

00:16:15Next.

00:16:15Welcome to the Healthmaster Inferno.

00:16:18Powered by Cure Me Technology.

00:16:19This goes in your mouth.

00:16:21This one goes in your ear.

00:16:23And this one goes in your butt.

00:16:25Come on.

00:16:28Come on.

00:16:29Hurry up, asshole!

00:16:31Come on.

00:16:31All right.

00:16:34Shit, hang on a second.

00:16:36This one.

00:16:39Come on.

00:16:41Hurry up!

00:16:43This one.

00:16:45This one goes in your mouth.

00:16:49Come on!

00:16:50Thank you for waiting.

00:16:57Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly.

00:17:04That's a weird misprint.

00:17:09Hey!

00:17:11How's that?

00:17:11Yeah, right.

00:17:14Uh, well, not so good.

00:17:16You know, I don't really know what's going on, but I'm seeing things.

00:17:19I think it might be because of these drugs the army put me on.

00:17:22But if you could, uh, just get me well enough to get back to base.

00:17:26Right.

00:17:28Kick ass.

00:17:29Well, don't want to sound like a dick or nothing, but, uh, it says on your chart that you're fucked up.

00:17:35Uh, you talk like a fag, and your shit's all retarded.

00:17:38What I do is just, like, like, you know, like, you know what I mean?

00:17:44Like, like, no, I-I'm serious here.

00:17:48Oh, don't worry, Skrull.

00:17:51Now there are plenty of tards out there living really kick ass lives.

00:17:54My first wife was tarded.

00:17:56She's a pilot now.

00:17:58I-I need for you to be serious for a second here, okay?

00:18:00I-I need help.

00:18:02There's that fag talk we talked about.

00:18:03Uh, right, so that'll be this many dollars, and if you could just go ahead and, like, put your tattoo in that shit.

00:18:12That's weird.

00:18:13This thing has the same misprint as that magazine.

00:18:15What are the odds, uh...

00:18:16Where's your tattoo?

00:18:18Tattoo.

00:18:20Why don't you have this?

00:18:25Oh, God.

00:18:30Where's your tattoo?

00:18:31Oh, my God.

00:18:32Why come you don't have a tattoo?

00:18:36Oh, my God.

00:18:37You're not unscannable, are you?

00:18:40Oh, my God!

00:18:43You're unscannable.

00:18:47Unscannable!

00:18:48Hey, no, you don't understand.

00:18:49You gotta let me talk to someone in the Army.

00:18:51A second.

00:18:52They're all dead.

00:18:53Everybody I know is dead.

00:18:55Oh, my God!

00:18:56Hello?

00:18:57Help!

00:18:58Help!

00:18:59No!

00:19:00Come down!

00:19:01Help!

00:19:02Help us happen!

00:19:03Hey, lady!

00:19:04Hey!

00:19:05Hey!

00:19:05Woo!

00:19:06Joe had awakened to a world in crisis.

00:19:34The economy was in a state of deep neglect.

00:19:38A great dust bowl had ravaged food supplies,

00:19:41and the number one movie in the country was called Ass.

00:19:47And that's all it was for 90 minutes.

00:19:53It won eight Oscars that year, including Bess's screenplay.

00:20:02Enjoy your extra big-ass fries.

00:20:06You didn't give me no fries. I got an empty box.

00:20:08Would you like another extra big-ass fries?

00:20:12I said I didn't get any.

00:20:14Thank you. Your account has been charged.

00:20:16Your balance is zero.

00:20:18Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.

00:20:21I'm sorry you're having trouble.

00:20:22Come on. My kids are starving.

00:20:24I'm sorry you're having trouble.

00:20:28This should help you calm down.

00:20:31Please come back when you can afford to make a purchase.

00:20:34Your kids are starving.

00:20:36Carl's Jr. believes no child should go hungry.

00:20:39You are an unfit mother.

00:20:41Your children will be placed in the custody of Carl's Jr.

00:20:44Carl's Jr.

00:20:45Fuck you. I'm eating.

00:20:48Welcome to Carl's Jr.

00:20:50Would you like to try our extra big-ass taco?

00:20:54Now with more molecules.

00:20:56Hey!

00:20:57Is this particular individual the unfit mother?

00:21:00Me? No.

00:21:01Okay. This particular individual is unscannable.

00:21:04Listen, I can explain, okay?

00:21:08I was in an army experiment.

00:21:12Wait a second.

00:21:13There's the other pod from the army experiment.

00:21:15There was a girl, she was from the same experiment.

00:21:16Would you just stop?

00:21:17Yeah, that's nothing near bullshit, sir.

00:21:18He got her and he got...

00:21:19Ow!

00:21:20Joe was arrested for not paying his hospital bill

00:21:23and not having his UPC tattoo.

00:21:25He would soon discover that in the future,

00:21:28Justice was not only blind,

00:21:31but had become rather retarded as well.

00:21:36It's up!

00:21:37Now!

00:21:40I'm fixing to commensurate this trial here.

00:21:43We gonna see if we can't come up with a verdict up in here.

00:21:48Now, since you all say you ain't got no money,

00:21:52we have proprietarily obtained for you one of them court-appointed lawyers,

00:21:58so put your hands together and give it up for...

00:22:01Rito Pendejo!

00:22:04You're my lawyer?

00:22:06It says here you, uh, robbed a hospital.

00:22:11Why'd you do that?

00:22:12Yeah, I'm not guilty.

00:22:13That's not what the other lawyer said.

00:22:15What do you mean with that?

00:22:16Listen, you gotta get me on the stand, okay?

00:22:18I can explain everything.

00:22:19We can take him to your house.

00:22:20We'll show him the pod that I came here.

00:22:21Get up! Get up! Get up!

00:22:23Nah.

00:22:24Prosecute him!

00:22:26Why you think you done it?

00:22:28Okay, number one, Your Honor.

00:22:30Just look at him.

00:22:33He talks like a fine tail.

00:22:35I heard that.

00:22:36And Pete, we've got all this, like, evidence

00:22:40of how, like, this guy didn't even pay at the hospital.

00:22:43And I heard that he doesn't even have his tattoo.

00:22:46I know.

00:22:47And I'm off.

00:22:48You've gotta be shitting me.

00:22:50But check this out, man.

00:22:51The judge should be, like, guilty.

00:22:54Peace.

00:23:00Objection!

00:23:01What are you objectifying on?

00:23:03Come on, just get me on the stand now.

00:23:05Okay.

00:23:06Um, Your Honor?

00:23:09I object that this guy also broke my apartment to shit.

00:23:16Yeah.

00:23:17What?

00:23:18And you know what else?

00:23:19I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me

00:23:22after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital.

00:23:26Don't say I stole.

00:23:27You're my lawyer.

00:23:28And I object, I object that he interrupted me

00:23:32while I was watching Owl My Ball!

00:23:34That is not okay!

00:23:36That arrests my king!

00:23:38Your Honor, I'm pretty sure we have a mistrial here, sir.

00:23:41I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your ass.

00:23:43You don't shut up.

00:23:44No.

00:23:45Please listen.

00:23:46Please listen.

00:23:48I didn't steal anything.

00:23:49I was part of an army experiment.

00:23:51Joe stated his case logically and passionately,

00:23:54but his perceived effeminate voice

00:23:56only through big gales of stupid laughter.

00:23:59Get it!

00:24:01Without adequate legal representation,

00:24:03Joe was given a stiff sentence.

00:24:06Meanwhile, Rita had awakened to find that the world's oldest profession

00:24:10was a lot easier when the world is populated by morons.

00:24:14Welcome to AOL, Time Warner, Taco Bell, U.S. Government, long distance.

00:24:18Please say the name of the person you wish to call.

00:24:21Upgrade.

00:24:23There are 9,726 listings for upgrade.

00:24:28Please deposit $2,000 to begin connection.

00:24:31Oh, yeah, baby.

00:24:32Man, what?

00:24:33Hey, look, look, can you just, can you wait a second, please?

00:24:36Oh, yeah, baby.

00:24:37I can wait so good.

00:24:40Really?

00:24:41Think, uh, you think maybe you could wait a day?

00:24:46Baby, I can wait two days.

00:24:49Huh.

00:24:50That's good.

00:24:51Cause I charge by the hour.

00:24:53Oh, yeah?

00:24:54Well, you gonna be glad you waited, baby.

00:24:57Thank you very much, young man.

00:25:01What the fuck?

00:25:03Goddamn shit's changed in a year.

00:25:08What are we doing here?

00:25:09Okay, sir, we're engaged in procuring your tattoo.

00:25:15Welcome to the Identity Processing Program of America.

00:25:19Please insert your forearm into the forearm receptacle.

00:25:26Please speak your name as it appears

00:25:28on your current federal identity card.

00:25:30Document number G24L8.

00:25:33Yeah, well, I'm not sure if...

00:25:34You have entered the name Not Sure.

00:25:36Is this correct?

00:25:37Not Sure.

00:25:38No, it's not correct.

00:25:41Not is correct.

00:25:42Is Sure.

00:25:43Correct?

00:25:44No, it's not.

00:25:45My name is Joe.

00:25:46Already confirmed your first name is Not.

00:25:48Please confirm your last name, Sure.

00:25:51My last name is Not Sure.

00:25:55Not Sure.

00:25:56Confirmation is complete.

00:25:58Please wait while I tattoo your new identity on your arm.

00:26:04Wait a second.

00:26:05Can we start over?

00:26:06Can I cancel this?

00:26:07Can...

00:26:08Can we cancel this and just go back and begin it?

00:26:10They're gonna...

00:26:11Ow!

00:26:12Could I speak to your supervisor?

00:26:14Please hold still for your photograph.

00:26:16Oh, that's fucking great.

00:26:31Okay, sir.

00:26:32Now we will begin to proceed to obtain your IQ and aptitude tests.

00:26:37What for?

00:26:38Okay, sir.

00:26:39This is to figure out what your aptitude's good at and get you a jail job while you're being

00:26:44a particular individual in jail.

00:26:47If you have one bucket that holds two gallons and another bucket that holds five gallons,

00:26:54how many buckets do you have?

00:26:56Two?

00:26:58Two?

00:26:59Two?

00:27:11Lord, I wonder what has got the matter time over time.

00:27:16It seems like the hours of everything can change but I'll hold my hands.

00:27:22Lord, I'm tryin' to make you understand.

00:27:26Lord, you know what?

00:27:30Lord, you know what? Everybody, they tell me, somebody in hoodoo, the hoodoo man.

00:27:38Now, you know what? I buzzed your bell this morning, baby, had your elevator running slow.

00:27:44I buzzed your bell, little girl, take my point on the third floor, but I hold my hand.

00:27:51Lord, I'm trying to make you understand.

00:27:54Lord, you know what? They tell the baby, there's somebody in hoodoo, the hoodoo man.

00:28:04Look at him, baby.

00:28:08Desperate and scared, Joe used his superior intelligence to come up with the best escape plan he could think of.

00:28:17Hi, excuse me. I'm actually supposed to be getting out of prison today, sir.

00:28:22Yeah.

00:28:25You're in the wrong line, dumbass. Over there.

00:28:28I'm sorry. I'm in a big dumbass.

00:28:31Sorry.

00:28:32Hey, uh, let this dumbass through.

00:28:50Two.

00:28:51Yeah.

00:28:52Uh, yeah, I don't see you in here.

00:28:58So you're gonna have to, uh, stay in prison.

00:29:02Could you check again?

00:29:03Because I was, you know, I was definitely in prison, okay?

00:29:06I got sat on my face and everything.

00:29:09Maybe check those files back there?

00:29:10Come back.

00:29:31Come back.

00:29:32Oh, baby, come back.

00:29:35Come back.

00:29:39The Masturbation Network.

00:29:47Keep an America baitin' for 300 years.

00:29:50And now, sweet bang tube.

00:29:52Oh, yeah, give me some.

00:29:55Cut me a piece.

00:29:59Oh, you, that's...

00:30:01Go away, baitin'.

00:30:03Damn it.

00:30:05All right.

00:30:09Hey, hey, get out of here.

00:30:13Hey, get out of here.

00:30:15No way.

00:30:15Listen, you let me, an innocent man, get thrown in jail.

00:30:18So?

00:30:20Shut up.

00:30:21You broke my house.

00:30:22Hey, I could have you disbarred, disbarred for what you did to me.

00:30:25Then maybe you'd go to jail for not having any money.

00:30:28Oh, really?

00:30:30Yeah, really.

00:30:31Now, look.

00:30:32Okay, here's the deal.

00:30:34I've been thinkin'.

00:30:34It's been 500 years.

00:30:36Someone has to have invented a way to travel back in time by now.

00:30:38You know, I think they were pretty close, even in my day.

00:30:41You know, with Einstein and guys like that.

00:30:44You know, scientists, you know?

00:30:46Uh...

00:30:46A time machine for time travel.

00:30:50Do they have one?

00:30:51What?

00:30:57Jesus.

00:30:58I knew that was too much to hope for.

00:31:02No, no, they got a time machine.

00:31:04They do?

00:31:05Yeah.

00:31:06Are you sure?

00:31:07Yeah.

00:31:07Can you get me back to 2005?

00:31:09Oh, yeah, but it's, like, really expensive.

00:31:12And it breaks all the time because some smart guy made it a long time ago.

00:31:15I don't care.

00:31:15Just get me there, okay?

00:31:17Please!

00:31:18Listen, I...

00:31:19I...

00:31:20I supersize with you, but didn't you go to jail for not having enough money?

00:31:25Okay, how about this?

00:31:26You get me to the time machine, and when I get back, I open a savings account in your name.

00:31:31That way, 500 years later, it'll be worth billions.

00:31:34Billions!

00:31:35Because?

00:31:36Because of the interest, it'll be worth billions of dollars.

00:31:39Oh, I like money.

00:31:41Yeah.

00:31:41How many billions?

00:31:43Like, ten.

00:31:44Yeah, a stock one.

00:31:45Time machine costs, like, 20.

00:31:47Yeah?

00:31:48Okay.

00:31:49Uh, 30, Frito.

00:31:5130 billion dollars.

00:31:5430 billion.

00:31:55So, if you gave me 30 billion and the time machine is 20, what's the minus of 30 and 20?

00:32:02Uh, it's, uh, it's 80, Frito.

00:32:05It's 80 billion dollars.

00:32:07That's a mighty big minus, isn't it?

00:32:08Yeah.

00:32:09I like money, though.

00:32:10Police, open the door.

00:32:12We're looking for an escaped individual.

00:32:14This particular individual's name is not sure.

00:32:16Um, he, he's somewhere else.

00:32:22Uh, somewhere else.

00:32:24Oh, yeah, there's pro-wear on the top and a sword in the middle.

00:32:27A cup machine in the vicinity caught his tattoo.

00:32:29Seem to be heading for this particular domostyle.

00:32:32Okay, sir, we're coming in.

00:32:33No, you can't come in.

00:32:35Can't, too.

00:32:36All right, let's go get my billions.

00:32:40Oh, okay, one more thing.

00:32:42We gotta go find this Frito first, okay?

00:32:45Is she banging?

00:32:46Yeah, sure she is.

00:32:48That wasn't really part of the deal.

00:32:50Okay, I'll, uh, throw in another couple billion, all right?

00:32:52I like money.

00:32:54Okay, her pod's up here on the right.

00:32:55She shouldn't be too far away, I hope.

00:32:58Oh, girl.

00:32:59Oh, yeah?

00:33:00So when are we gonna do it?

00:33:02Because you've been charging me by the hour, and it's been, like, three days.

00:33:05Oh, yeah, soon, baby, soon.

00:33:08Hey, you know what?

00:33:10Why don't you come back tomorrow?

00:33:12Yeah, yeah, baby, yeah.

00:33:14Yeah?

00:33:14And I finally utilize you, you gonna be paying me.

00:33:18That's right.

00:33:19Whatever you say, sir.

00:33:21Hey, and you still on the clock?

00:33:23Yeah, girl.

00:33:27Rita!

00:33:28It's me, Joe, from the experiment.

00:33:30Get in the car, come on.

00:33:31Oh, yeah.

00:33:32Hey, what the hell, man?

00:33:34Just get in the car.

00:33:35I'll explain everything.

00:33:35Yeah, where are we going?

00:33:37Just get in the car.

00:33:38What's happening to those army guys?

00:33:44Wait a minute.

00:33:44You got cops after you?

00:33:46Yeah.

00:33:47And you made me get in the car?

00:33:48I got two strikes, asshole.

00:33:50Tredo, take it right here.

00:33:51Right, right.

00:33:52Into that dust storm, Tredo.

00:33:53You must have just forgotten about us.

00:34:02He spared 500 years?

00:34:05Oh, hell no.

00:34:06Upgrade is gonna kill me.

00:34:08He gets me out when I'm a day late with his money.

00:34:10So you owe your boyfriend money?

00:34:12Well, yeah.

00:34:13He's sort of my manager, too.

00:34:16You know, he helps me sell the paintings and shit.

00:34:19Look, Rita, you gotta understand that Upgrade's been dead for a long time now.

00:34:25Yeah, man, but you said there was a time machine, right?

00:34:27Yeah.

00:34:27Yeah, there's a time machine now that can take us back to the past, but there was no time machine back then, so...

00:34:33Upgrade don't care where the time machine is, now, then, last week, he won't find a way to come get his money.

00:34:40Well, all I'm saying is you don't have to worry about it.

00:34:42You know what?

00:34:43The last time you told me not to worry was 500 goddamn years ago when you were trying to tell me to get in some sort of tricked-out army coffin.

00:34:48Look, Rita, I don't know how this happened, okay, but I'm doing everything I can to get us back there, okay?

00:34:53I promise you.

00:34:54You are harboring a fugitive by the name of Not Sure.

00:34:58Please pull over and wait for the police to incarcerate your passenger.

00:35:01Oh, hell no.

00:35:02You know what?

00:35:02You gotta let me up out of here.

00:35:03Look, Rita, if you don't have one of these, they're gonna throw you in jail, and trust me, you don't want to get thrown in the jails I got around here.

00:35:08I've been in them.

00:35:09They're bad.

00:35:10You're better off being with us as bad as that sounds.

00:35:12Wait, what are you doing?

00:35:13Why are we slowing down?

00:35:14Turned off my battery.

00:35:21Look, how far is it?

00:35:22Can we just take a cab or something?

00:35:28Oh, shit.

00:35:29What the hell's wrong with you?

00:35:44That's your car.

00:35:45Oh, hell yeah.

00:35:49Come on.

00:35:52Let's get out of here.

00:35:52Hey, how much farther is it?

00:36:05Uh, it's like far.

00:36:08Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?

00:36:11Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a handjob, Joe.

00:36:14Jesus.

00:36:20Man, he don't seem too bright.

00:36:22You sure he knows where he's going?

00:36:24I sure hope so.

00:36:25It's our only chance.

00:36:26How'd you hook up with this guy, anyway?

00:36:31He's my lawyer.

00:36:32And he's not a very good one, either.

00:36:35He's a goddamn idiot.

00:36:37There's a shuttle down in the Costco.

00:36:40Drop us right by the time machine.

00:36:41Oh, look, one more thing.

00:37:04He thinks he's going to get billions of dollars if he takes us there.

00:37:07So if he mentions anything about a savings account, just play along, okay?

00:37:12Yeah, well, what the time machine don't work?

00:37:14Then I'll spend the rest of my life trying to fix it.

00:37:22Welcome to Costco.

00:37:23I love you.

00:37:25Welcome to Costco.

00:37:27I love you.

00:37:28Welcome to Costco.

00:37:30I love you.

00:37:31Welcome to Costco.

00:37:32The shuttle's down there in electronics about an hour from here.

00:37:41We've been walking forever.

00:37:46Are you sure you know where you're going?

00:37:47Yeah, I know this place pretty good.

00:37:49I went to law school here.

00:37:51In Costco?

00:37:53Yeah, I couldn't believe it myself.

00:37:55Luckily, my dad was an alumnus and pulled some strings.

00:38:00Hey, come on, Joe.

00:38:02I already told you.

00:38:03We'd all like a hand job, but we don't have time for it.

00:38:06Shuttle comes every few minutes.

00:38:29Shouldn't be long.

00:38:30Do I got time to use the bathroom?

00:38:35The toilet?

00:38:38Be right back.

00:38:39Yeah, back that thing up.

00:38:42Hey, you mind if I pound on that, Joe?

00:38:44What?

00:38:45I like having sex with chicks.

00:38:46Yeah?

00:38:47Yeah.

00:38:47I think everybody does, Frito.

00:38:49Not like I do.

00:38:50Like when you get it like this sideways, and you just like back it.

00:38:54That's real good.

00:38:55Oh, yeah.

00:38:56Hey, stop.

00:38:57You're going to get us caught up.

00:38:59Warning.

00:39:00Warning.

00:39:00Costco has detected a dangerous fugitive in aisle 16,702.

00:39:04Hey, what about Rita?

00:39:05We can't just leave her here.

00:39:06I don't care.

00:39:08Come on.

00:39:09Oh, shit.

00:39:10Come on.

00:39:11Wait a second.

00:39:12What are we going to do?

00:39:13Wait.

00:39:14Okay, I know.

00:39:14Here's what we do.

00:39:15We just go to the time machine.

00:39:17Then when I get back to the pass, I tell her not to do the experiment.

00:39:20Then she won't even be here.

00:39:21That'll work, right?

00:39:22Uh-oh.

00:39:22No, please stand clear.

00:39:24She already is here.

00:39:25So that must mean I didn't go back in time, right?

00:39:27Please stand clear.

00:39:28No, but hold on.

00:39:29It just means I haven't done it yet.

00:39:31Okay, so I go back and I tell her not to do the experiment.

00:39:34Then I won't have to do it either because she won't be here.

00:39:36Then I won't have to come back and save her, right?

00:39:38Please stand clear.

00:39:39But then, wait, why am I still here?

00:39:41Uh-oh.

00:39:42God damn, how does the time travel work?

00:39:44Please stand clear.

00:39:45Freeze!

00:39:46Hands up!

00:39:47Get your hands up!

00:39:49Go on, you freeze!

00:39:50Freeze!

00:39:50Look, if you guys are taking me back to that jail, just go ahead and shoot me because there's

00:40:06no way that...

00:40:07Oh, fuck!

00:40:08Ow!

00:40:09Ow!

00:40:10What?

00:40:11Ow!

00:40:12Ow!

00:40:13Ow!

00:40:14Ow!

00:40:14What?

00:40:15Ow!

00:40:16Ow!

00:40:17God damn, stop!

00:40:20What is this?

00:40:22Okay, sir.

00:40:23This is the White House.

00:40:24What are we doing at the White House?

00:40:26What?

00:40:27Ow!

00:40:28Ow!

00:40:29Ow!

00:40:29it turned out the results of joe's iq test had caught the attention of the highest levels of

00:40:36government okay wait a minute i'm the smartest guy in the world says who the iq test you took

00:40:42in prison you got the highest score in history brought to you by carl's jr yeah dumbass even

00:40:48smarter than president camacho that's how come he's making you secretary of interior okay so who are

00:40:54you i'm the secretary energy i won a contest got to be a cabinet member i'm the secretary of state

00:41:01brought to you by carl's jr why do you keep saying that because they pay me every time i do

00:41:06it's a really good way to make money you're so smart why don't you know that

00:41:12the secretary of defense huh and uh fun bags over there is the attorney general hi and that's the

00:41:21secretary of education it's kind of stupid please president camacho stepbrother still does a pretty

00:41:29good job eh you know i i think there's been some kind of mistake because the test i took was real real

00:41:36easy i am not the smartest guy in the world okay okay even if that were true i can't be the secretary of

00:41:49the interior i don't even know what it is better fuck that up sit down president camacho hey hey hey

00:41:56i gotta take care of some business baby so i need y'all wait outside duane elizondo camacho five-time

00:42:03ultimate smackdown champion porn superstar and president of the united states had called a special summit

00:42:11with the smartest man in the world so you smart huh no

00:42:15no no no i thought your hair would be bigger

00:42:26god damn huh could look like a peanut let's get you sworn in

00:42:45ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen the president of america

00:42:54president camacho

00:42:59shut up shut up

00:43:02sit your monkey ass down chill out

00:43:04i know she's bad right now with all that starving bullshit and the dust storms and we running out of

00:43:19french fries and burrito coverings yeah but i got a solution that's what you said last time dipshit i got a

00:43:26last solution you're a dick top carolina what's up

00:43:39that's what i thought

00:43:44now i understand everyone's shit's emotional right now but listen up

00:43:48i got a three-point plan to fix everything number one we got this guy not sure number two he's got a

00:44:02higher iq than any man alive number three he's gonna fix everything i give you my word as president

00:44:11as president he'll fix the problems with all the dead crops he's gonna make them grow again

00:44:20and that ain't all i'll give you my word

00:44:25he's gonna fix the dust storms

00:44:30i'll give you my words he's gonna

00:44:33be

00:44:46president camacho stood before the world and promised everyone that joe would solve all their problems

00:44:53he would not only end the dust bowl and heal the economy but he would cure acne and car sickness as

00:45:00well and if he didn't president camacho made another promise he would kick joe's smart balls all the

00:45:07way up to the roof of his smart mouth and then he would throw his brainy ass back in jail

00:45:18i should uh be honest with you mr president i don't know how to be secretary of anything i mean

00:45:23i've never even voted actually i don't i don't know what the secretary of the interior even is

00:45:27come on scro don't be a pussy it beats jail don't it besides you do a kick-ass job

00:45:36you get a full presidential party no jail time yeah fuck yeah now give me a beer and get you one too

00:45:45hold on

00:45:54hold on

00:45:56hold on

00:45:58hold on

00:46:00hold on

00:46:15hold on

00:46:20do something smart uh okay

00:46:25uh i'll uh

00:46:30hey we found that lawyer you wanted oh okay great thanks uh right now i'm going to uh you know confer

00:46:37with my counsel you understand so i'll be right back i'm gonna go uh just working on some crap stuff

00:46:43get that taken care of hopefully get it worked out by the time we get back here sounds pretty smart

00:46:49right here okay stay there dude this is trepidatious drop me a room at the white house

00:46:54everyone gets laid at the white house everyone yeah yeah well i'm real glad you're happy to be

00:46:59here for you know but i brought you here to help me okay i don't know the first thing about growing

00:47:03crops much less the goddamn economy economy economy let's see growing crops no i just need

00:47:12you to tell me how to get to the time machine oh that's easy well you go down by the museum and

00:47:18stuff it's like it's like by the museum sort of but actually not really more like the with on the

00:47:26street you go um wait let me start over okay you know where the time machine is hey just draw me a

00:47:32map okay you still want the money oh if i had the money and the room at the white house i would be like

00:47:40it's mine all night listen i told these people that you were smart okay so wax smart smart like you

00:47:50oh i gotta go to the time machine i want to go home i don't talk like that i don't talk like that

00:47:56shit i thought there was two of you see it doesn't look that big is it okay let's go take a look at

00:48:04those crops especially the ones uh you know out around the museum area all right hey come on

00:48:16now you either lead follow get out of the way all right whoa did you just make that up yes i did

00:48:26now look i also need help finding this girl named rita like immediately and uh frito will give you a hand

00:48:31with it why well because uh you know she'd be an essential integral asset you know for our team for

00:48:41us to you know utilize you're gonna bring her here right oh yeah but first

00:49:01uh yeah that sucks pretty bad frito won't you come over here and uh take a look at this

00:49:28come on hustle over here buddy i want to figure this out see uh just not a lot of mush have you got

00:49:33the nap oh yeah discreetly

00:49:42right there nice

00:49:47yo that's the secretary not sure they found that whore you wanted hey that may be how you refer to women in

00:49:52the future but come on no sir turns out she charged some guy a lot of money and didn't put out don't

00:49:58worry though we'll get her out on a work release whoring license as long as you're doing her hands

00:50:03off me anything i might do run through the field the fuck are you all standing

00:50:09joe that's not sure ma'am secretary not sure secretary secretary of what say would you guys mind if we had a

00:50:17little moment together alone you know in the bushes

00:50:37hey you want us to come along make sure she puts out no thanks i can handle it

00:50:42yeah i thought you was in jail how'd you get to be the secretary of interior just keep walking

00:50:46i'll explain everything

00:50:55okay get ready to run

00:51:02what oh god damn it way to go frito you know what just make a run for it anyways we'll ask

00:51:08for directions on the way no way man i spent the last two days looking for it it ain't easy to find

00:51:12damn it i can't go back to jail and i sure as hell can't solve all these problems well all i know is

00:51:16i better find upgrade before he finds me listen to me upgrade cannot find you okay it's impossible oh

00:51:22yeah yeah and even if upgrade could somehow magically travel through time we got secret

00:51:28service guys with huge guns protecting us okay so don't worry you're safe and you know what it's

00:51:34none of my business but when we get back you and upgrade should seriously think about couples counseling

00:51:38okay and you should also think about maybe finding an art manager who's not also your boyfriend hey

00:51:44hey she not putting out uh no she is we uh we already did it yeah yeah he was great

00:51:56okay hey a couple us guys were wondering uh we go family style on her

00:52:04uh yeah probably not right now we should focus on the crops so let's get back to work maybe later

00:52:14what the hell is this

00:52:23tastes like gatorade is that that brondo stuff they're watering crops with a sports drink

00:52:32brondo the thirst mutilator had come to replace water virtually everywhere water the basic component of

00:52:39all life had been deemed a threat to brondo's profit margin the solution came during the budget crisis of 2330

00:52:47when the brondo corporation simply bought the fda and the fcc enabling them to say do and sell anything they wanted

00:52:57for the last time i'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this brondo stuff

00:53:11the brondo's got what plants crave it's got electrolytes so wait a minute what you're saying

00:53:29is that you want us to put water on the crops yes water like out the toilet well i mean it doesn't

00:53:38have to be out of the toilet but but yeah that's the idea but brondo's got what plants crave it's got

00:53:43electrolytes okay look the plants aren't growing so i'm pretty sure that the brondo's not working now i'm

00:53:50no botanist but i do know that if you put water on plants they grow well i've never seen no plants grow out of no

00:53:57toilet hey that's good you sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world yeah

00:54:02okay look you want to solve this problem i want to get my pardon so why don't we just try it okay and

00:54:08not worry about what plants crave brondo's got what that's crave yeah it's got electrolytes

00:54:15what are electrolytes do you even know it's what they used to make brondo yeah but why did they use

00:54:22them to make brondo because brondos got electrolytes after several hours joe finally gave up on logic and

00:54:33reason and simply told the cabinet that he could talk to plants and that they wanted water he made

00:54:40believers out of everyone joe didn't know it but the beloved electrolytes were salts that had

00:54:47been building up in the topsoil over the decades killing plants and leading to the dust bowl as

00:54:54secretary of the interior joe ordered all crops to be switched to water promising that over time

00:55:00plants would grow and the dust bowl would end he was on the fast track to a full presidential pardon

00:55:08or so it seemed

00:55:14i hope something grows fast yeah so we can haul our ass back home man you really think those people

00:55:21would have starved to death i don't know i mean how did the world ever get like this

00:55:29you know things are bad when they're coming to me for answers it's a weird feeling being smarter than

00:55:34everyone i'm not used to it yeah me neither

00:55:40you think einstein walked around thinking everyone was a bunch of dumb shits

00:55:45yeah i hadn't thought of that now you know why you built that bomb yeah

00:55:50hey joe listen those cops oh hey i'm sorry about no no they said that you got me a pardon

00:56:01you know if you hadn't done that i'd still be in jail right now so

00:56:06i guess i owe you one

00:56:07you know you don't have to sleep on the floor if you don't want to

00:56:16oh no i'm i'm all right yeah besides you know i don't think upgrade would be too happy about that

00:56:23uh you in bed with a stranger

00:56:36yeah

00:56:50oh shit it's upgrade oh shit it's not upgrade even enough time joe's plan might have worked

00:56:57but when the brondo stock suddenly dropped to zero leaving half the population unemployed dumb angry

00:57:03mobs took to the streets rioting and looting and screaming for joe's head an emergency cabinet

00:57:09meeting was called with the ceo of the brondo corporation how come nobody's buying brondo the

00:57:14thirst mutilator all right half the country works for brondo not anymore and the stock has dropped to

00:57:20zero and the computer did that auto layoff thing to everybody we're all unemployed i think that makes

00:57:25the harmony suck why is this happening i i think it's because we switched to water but i mean this is

00:57:30all your fault what yeah it's your fault this shit started happening when we switched to water

00:57:49he tried taking water from toilets but it's secretary not sure who finds himself in the toilet now

00:57:56and his history pulls down his pants and prepares to lower its ass on not sure's head it will be daddy

00:58:02justice who will be crapping on him this time we now go live to violence channel correspondent for micah

00:58:08davis at the extreme court with highlights on today's trial thank you velveta well it started off boring

00:58:19and slow with not sure trying to bullshit everyone with a bunch of smart talk blah blah blah you gotta

00:58:26believe me that part of the trial sucked but then the chief j just went off he said man whatever the

00:58:35guy's guilty of shit we all know that and he sentences as to one night of rehabilitation hey rehabilitation

00:58:43one night doesn't sound so bad not so bad huh here's some highlights from last week's rehabilitation

00:59:02and who could forget that wonderful finish by rehab officer tylenol joe's

00:59:08and tomorrow night looks even more better word is that beef supreme himself might come out of

00:59:15retirement wow thank you for micah so you think you can escape again like you did last time no

00:59:24they pretty much fixed that how they chained me to a big rock

00:59:28oh yeah look rita get frito get him to take you back to the time machine without me don't wait no

00:59:40you could have split on me before but you didn't look you want to pay me back just go back okay tell

00:59:46people to read books tell people to stay in school you know tell people to just use their brains or

00:59:53something you know i think maybe the world got like this because of people like me i never did

00:59:58anything with my life at least you were an artist you know so just go back and

01:00:07and rita whatever you do keep painting okay good luck joe

01:00:22okay that's five down and one more to go are you ready for a monster truck duel to the dead

01:00:34okay we're gonna do this but first to meet us in the natural anthem the star of all my balls

01:00:41who are mill chubbies thank you thank you

01:00:55so my car is out front whenever you want me to take you to that time machine thanks frito yeah

01:01:22yeah that's real bummer about joe huh yeah paul can you turn this up i love rehabilitation

01:01:38okay let's meet our rehabilitation officers for tonight with a combined record of 62 kills

01:01:54please welcome

01:01:55please welcome

01:01:56pilly pawamba and the dude dozer

01:02:00and his brother

01:02:06mommy pawamba and the ass blaster

01:02:09I got a truck, too, right?

01:02:13Yeah. Here it comes.

01:02:25Get in.

01:02:32Yeah, you still got the chain attached.

01:02:37The door won't shut.

01:02:38That's a chain.

01:02:39We can break it off.

01:02:41Yeah, I got an idea.

01:02:43Put it in the trunk.

01:02:44Yeah, that'll work.

01:02:49Who's smart now?

01:02:50Let's bring out our family.

01:02:52We shot the whole country by pulling toilet water on crops.

01:02:56We cost millions of people their jobs.

01:02:58Let's get ready to rehabilitate.

01:03:00Not sure.

01:03:01Everybody guessed this is how I was going to die.

01:03:16Are you ready for some car-on-car action?

01:03:19Yes.

01:03:22I can't watch this.

01:03:24This is going to be so sad.

01:03:27I hope I don't cry.

01:03:32Shit.

01:03:33Frito, come here.

01:03:34Look.

01:03:35He was right in the water.

01:03:37It worked.

01:03:38Frito, can you get me over there?

01:03:42Yes.

01:03:42Come on, you fucking moron.

01:03:44To the rehabilitation place.

01:03:47This way.

01:03:48Yeah.

01:03:53Come on, Frito, hurry.

01:03:55Now, the dude that everybody came here to see.

01:03:58The only undefeated officer ever in history.

01:04:02Coming out of an environment just to pound not sure's ass.

01:04:05Driving the biggest, hugest correctional vehicle ever built in history.

01:04:11Bigger than the steel dozer.

01:04:13Bigger than the ass flasker.

01:04:15Bigger and huger than everything ever before in history.

01:04:19The brand new ass dozer.

01:04:21Give it up for Vince Supreme.

01:04:28Oh.

01:04:29Oh.

01:04:30Oh.

01:04:35Oh, shit.

01:04:54I think it was too big, huh?

01:04:56We seem to be experimenting some technological differences.

01:05:02Oh, uh, shit.

01:05:03It's a big pile of rocks.

01:05:15Hey.

01:05:18Oh, oh, oh, shit.

01:05:19We're going to start without Vince Supreme.

01:05:22Let's go.

01:05:22Rehabilitation.

01:05:24Yeah.

01:05:25Yeah.

01:05:26Yeah.

01:05:27Yeah.

01:05:28Yeah.

01:05:29Yeah.

01:05:30Yeah.

01:05:31Yeah.

01:05:32Yeah.

01:05:33Yeah.

01:05:35Oh, shit.

01:05:39Come on.

01:05:41Come on, instead hurry.

01:05:45Oh!

01:05:53God damn it.

01:05:59Jesus, house .

01:06:00Oh.

01:06:01Fuck!

01:06:01Woo! Woo! President!

01:06:04Mr. President, I need to talk to you!

01:06:06You gotta stop this thing! He was sprayed him out of the water!

01:06:09We've got some crops on the way here! They're growing!

01:06:12I didn't see no crops!

01:06:14They're circling around!

01:06:16They're circling around, they're gonna do them electric crunch on him!

01:06:21This is a hill-deafool, the king's from Teller Money!

01:06:24Oh!

01:06:31So, uh, so the winner is, uh, gonna be shittin' you!

01:06:52Did he win?

01:06:53Uh...

01:06:54Uh-oh. Look.

01:06:58Holy shit, I can't beat the ring!

01:07:14Hey, Frito!

01:07:16Frito, you remember those crops we saw off the road, right by the Starbucks?

01:07:19Uh-huh.

01:07:20Hey.

01:07:22You wanna make some money?

01:07:24I like money.

01:07:28Woo!

01:07:29Woo!

01:07:30Woo!

01:07:31Woo!

01:07:32Woo!

01:07:33Woo!

01:07:34Woo!

01:07:38Hey, um, the, uh, the main screen is malfunctioning and they're gonna need you outside immediately.

01:07:45Woo!

01:07:46Woo!

01:07:47Woo!

01:07:48There's a bunch of whores in the hallway!

01:07:50Woo!

01:07:51Woo!

01:07:52Woo!

01:07:53Woo!

01:07:54Woo!

01:07:55Woo!

01:07:56Woo!

01:07:57Woo!

01:07:58Woo!

01:07:59Woo!

01:08:00Woo!

01:08:01Woo!

01:08:02Woo!

01:08:03Woo!

01:08:04Woo!

01:08:05Woo!

01:08:06Woo!

01:08:07Woo!

01:08:08Woo!

01:08:09Woo!

01:08:10Woo!

01:08:11Woo!

01:08:12Woo!

01:08:13Woo!

01:08:14Woo!

01:08:15Woo!

01:08:16Woo!

01:08:17Woo!

01:08:18Woo!

01:08:19Woo!

01:08:20Woo!

01:08:21Woo!

01:08:22Woo!

01:08:23Woo!

01:08:24Woo!

01:08:25Woo!

01:08:26He's behind the truck!

01:08:37He's behind the fucking truck!

01:08:39Behind the truck, stupid!

01:08:52Look!

01:08:53Shit, that's a good deal.

01:08:59Extra foam.

01:09:01I got a bunch of money, too.

01:09:04I got what it was for.

01:09:06You think it was for lattes?

01:09:09Yeah, probably.

01:09:12So you like money and sex?

01:09:14You're stripping me out.

01:09:15What the fuck?

01:09:23Hold on, okay?

01:09:31Everyone, just take it easy, okay?

01:09:34Can I just say something here?

01:09:39I don't even know what I'm guilty of here.

01:09:41I never said that I was the smartest person on earth.

01:09:44You people did.

01:09:46I didn't know that you'd lose your jobs and all your money, and I'm very sorry that that happened.

01:09:51But I'm telling you, if you put water on the crops, it might actually...

01:09:57No, it will work.

01:09:58I promise you.

01:09:59You just have to believe me.

01:10:01I just wanted to help you.

01:10:03That's all.

01:10:03So, you can try and shoot me, you can try and run me over, whatever.

01:10:08But I just want you to ask yourselves one question first.

01:10:13Do you really want to live in a world where you try to blow up the one person that's trying to help you?

01:10:30Hold on, just hold on.

01:10:33Oh, man, that was great.

01:10:56Hey, was I wearing pants when we went in there?

01:11:00Shit.

01:11:01What do I look like, a pants goblin?

01:11:03Wait, this reminds me of something.

01:11:06Uh, rehabilit...

01:11:09Rehabila...

01:11:10Rehabilation?

01:11:11Why do you keep trying to read that word?

01:11:13You a fag?

01:11:15I'm a fag your face.

01:11:25Come on, Fredo.

01:11:26Yeah, I don't think so.

01:11:28Oh, yeah.

01:11:33Oh, yeah.

01:11:38Oh, my God.

01:12:08This guy just got his ass apart.

01:12:38Yeah, Rita.

01:12:44I mean, I don't know what to say.

01:12:46You know, you saved my life.

01:12:47No one's ever done anything like that for me.

01:12:49Yeah, well, you know, you were looking out for the whole world, so, you know, I thought

01:12:55someone should look out for you, too.

01:12:56Thanks.

01:12:59I can't believe I'm even saying this, but even though these people tried to kill me, you

01:13:04know, I think I'm actually going to kind of miss them.

01:13:07Yeah.

01:13:08Frito, he's going to give us a ride back to the time machine.

01:13:10I just, uh, I hope he's okay to drive.

01:13:15It's you.

01:13:16Oh, man.

01:13:17I really love your show.

01:13:18Thank you so much.

01:13:20Uh, Joe, I'm not going.

01:13:25What?

01:13:27I had some pretty bad habits back there that I don't want to fall into again.

01:13:32Maybe it's time I got a new start.

01:13:35Besides, they offered me a pretty good job at Starbucks here.

01:13:38I'm going to be a CEO.

01:13:40At Starbucks?

01:13:41Yeah.

01:13:42Yeah?

01:13:42You're still going to paint, though, right?

01:13:45Yeah.

01:13:47Sure.

01:13:49I guess this is goodbye, then.

01:13:52Hey, hey, hey!

01:13:54Hey!

01:13:55I got a couple presidential creeds to make!

01:14:00Now, Joe, get your ass up here, wherever you eat!

01:14:06I'm going to get a little peanut head up here!

01:14:09Yo, yo!

01:14:10I have decided to make this man, the man who solved all our problems, I have decided

01:14:22to make him my new vice president!

01:14:27Well, Mr. President, no, thanks.

01:14:29That's real cool of you, sir, but I can't accept it, sir.

01:14:33What?

01:14:35What?

01:14:35Well, you know, I got to get home.

01:14:38But we still got all these problems.

01:14:40Well, look, you know, you're just going to have to solve them yourselves.

01:14:43How?

01:14:44Well, you know, think about it, you know?

01:14:46You're just going to have to figure it out, you know, like we did with the crops.

01:14:48But how are we going to figure out about the garbage ambulances and the comedy?

01:14:54And what about the nuclear reactor in Florida?

01:14:59It's broke and leaking, or something's happening.

01:15:02I thought it was in Georgia.

01:15:03Georgia's in Florida, dumbass.

01:15:07Hey, hey, I know.

01:15:09Let's put toilet water on it.

01:15:11Huh?

01:15:11Yeah.

01:15:12Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.

01:15:13We've been on the crops.

01:15:15Come on, Pato.

01:15:16Hey, you can't leave.

01:15:19Whatever happened to all that leave, follow, get out of the way shit, huh?

01:15:24I guess I just can't get out of the way anymore, can I?

01:15:39You know what?

01:15:40Forget about the time machine.

01:15:42Yeah!

01:15:42That ride sucks, anyways.

01:15:51Ride?

01:15:56Welcome to the time machine.

01:15:59We are going to take you back.

01:16:01First to the year 1939, when Charlie Chaplin and his evil Nazi regime enslaved Europe and

01:16:07tried to take over the world.

01:16:09So you knew this thing was just a ride the whole time?

01:16:12Yeah.

01:16:13You thought you could really travel through time, huh?

01:16:15Yeah, I guess I did.

01:16:17Yeah.

01:16:18You're the smartest guy in the world.

01:16:19You're pretty dumb sometimes.

01:16:21So why didn't you tell us?

01:16:22Because I like money.

01:16:24I'm sorry.

01:16:25But if it's not a real time machine, there wouldn't have been any money.

01:16:30You know, because I can't go back in time and open a savings account.

01:16:33Yeah.

01:16:34Yeah.

01:16:35It's about it.

01:16:37Don't worry about it.

01:16:38It's okay.

01:16:39Well, I guess we're stuck here.

01:16:43But then, an even greater force emerged.

01:16:47The un, and the un, un-Nazi'd the world forever.

01:16:52And so, after serving a short term as vice president, Joe was elected the president of America.

01:17:00Frito became vice president, and Rita, the former prostitute, became first lady.

01:17:05Today, I step into the shoes of a great man.

01:17:09A man by the name of Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

01:17:17Under President Not Shure's leadership, a new era gone.

01:17:21You know, there was a time in this country when smart people were considered cool.

01:17:29Well, maybe not cool, but smart people did things like build ships and pyramids, and they even went to the moon.

01:17:36And there was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn't just for fags, and neither was writing.

01:17:49People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories.

01:17:53So, you cared whose ass it was, and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again.

01:18:01Joe and Rita had three children, the three smartest kids in the world.

01:18:25Vice President Frito took eight wives, and had a total of 32 kids.

01:18:3232 of the dumbest kids ever to walk the earth.

01:18:40Okay, so maybe Joe didn't save mankind, but he got the ball rolling.

01:18:46And that's pretty good for an average guy.

01:18:55And that's pretty good for an average guy.

01:19:00Cause you don't even know me.

01:19:03I have to get rid of others.

01:19:04Yeah.

01:19:05I have to take you down with a long time.

01:19:06Yeah.

01:19:07I have to go.

01:19:08They got the great day.

01:19:09Je ne know me.

01:19:10Yeah.

01:19:11I have to go.

01:19:12Yeah.

01:19:12I have to go.

01:19:13I have a waits for a long time.

01:19:16I have to go.

01:19:17I have to go.

01:19:18Go.

01:19:19Yeah.

01:19:21I have to go.

01:19:22I have to go.

01:19:23I have to go.

01:19:24I have to go.

01:23:25I'm going to go find this album.

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