- 2 months ago
The biggest party fraternity on campus has to share its house with a sorority or face ejection from school
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Dude, I can't believe this is actually happening, Zach.
00:04I know, I know, I keep feeling it. We're gonna wake up from a dream.
00:06You want me to pinch you?
00:07Yes.
00:07Alright.
00:08Ow!
00:09You said pinch!
00:10I'm sorry.
00:11Do me.
00:12Oh!
00:13Shit!
00:14This is actually happening!
00:17Dude, alright, we need to chill out.
00:19We can't look like dorks when our first day is out.
00:20Okay.
00:21Alright.
00:26Oh.
00:27My.
00:28God.
00:30It's just beautiful.
00:42Good evening, gentlemen.
00:43It's daytime.
00:44Oh!
00:45Oh!
00:46Mr. President.
00:49So it is.
00:51You boys ready to be inducted?
00:53Yes, Mr. President!
00:56See, as new elf as these boys start to call him Mr. President, or else they'll get punched in a dick.
01:01Boys, this is Charity, this is Faith, girls, this is, uh, Zach, and, uh, what is it? Christian?
01:09Cameron!
01:10Oh!
01:11Oh!
01:12Oh!
01:13Boys!
01:14Welcome to the 24-hour party machine, man!
01:16Woo!
01:17Someone get these boys a beer and a handjob, please?
01:20You guys!
01:21I just did that!
01:22I just did that!
01:23See, fellas?
01:24That right there never gets over.
01:27Alright, fellas, get fucking around!
01:29We have some cherries that pop and some serious party to do!
01:31Wow!
01:32Holy shit!
01:33Did you hear what he just said?
01:34Oh my god!
01:35We're not even at the serious partying yet!
01:38It's even better than I imagined!
01:41The average male graduate makes 125,000 per year.
01:47Meanwhile, the average female graduate makes 41,500 per year.
01:52This is 30,056 Euro.
01:55This is bullshit!
01:57Yes, it is bullshit, Misty!
02:00And why would these women put up with such an equitable, inexcusable disparity?
02:05Somehow, the women of Sterling College got it in their heads that being married to one
02:10of these successful men is just as good as being successful themselves!
02:13Which is a bunch of hooey!
02:15Yes?
02:17Is the astronaut single?
02:20What?
02:21That's not the point!
02:24The point is we all worked so hard to get into this college!
02:27We're not just here for the parties, the sex, and the lansom rich husband!
02:31Right?
02:32I'm so glad I'm here!
02:35Then what are you doing here, Miss Kramer?
02:38It is Miss Kramer, isn't it?
02:40Kelly Kramer?
02:41Associate Dean Marshall!
02:43Yes, I know who I am.
02:45So, this is Delta Pi Sorority.
02:50I had heard you were meeting, even though you don't have a house.
02:54I'd say it shows resolve.
02:56I'd say it shows resolve.
02:57It's pathetic!
02:59Not only that, it's unfair!
03:03Especially when you consider how many houses the fraternities have.
03:06Am I right, ladies?
03:07Yeah!
03:08Definitely!
03:09Yeah!
03:10Sterling College has always offered more opportunities to its male students.
03:13You really think that you and your quote-unquote sorority can overturn 50 years of history?
03:21Yes, I do.
03:25I was hoping you'd say that.
03:28This is a disaster.
03:34I'm out of here.
03:38Where are you going?
03:40Sorry, dudes.
03:41That was only everyone's stupid frat for the boos and the coos.
03:44Dude, what about brotherhood?
03:45What about never letting the party die?
03:47Dude, look around.
03:49The party's dead.
03:50I should be elbows deep in co-ed trim right now.
03:53Instead of watching these Delta Pi lesbos turn our front door into a chastity belt.
04:00Adios, losers.
04:02Oh, enjoy your castration.
04:05Come on, seriously, guys!
04:07Wait, what?
04:08Get...
04:09Bye-bye.
04:10Oh!
04:11Well...
04:12Looks like you're the de facto present, potty mouth.
04:13Congrats.
04:14All right, listen up.
04:15This is how it's going to work.
04:16You two are going to divide up the house equally.
04:17I'm putting this on both your shoulders.
04:18Got it?
04:19Got it.
04:20Good.
04:21So this is how it's going to work.
04:22You guys are going to get the rooms in the back and we'll get the rooms in the front.
04:37Whoa!
04:38You're talking to the acting alpha house president here, okay?
04:43If anybody decides who gets what rooms, it's me.
04:46Who gets what rooms? It's me.
04:48Okay, so what do you suggest?
04:51Girls in the front, guys in the back.
04:54And you can share your room with me.
04:56I'll pass. How many bathrooms are in this hellhole?
04:59Two upstairs, one down here.
05:01We each get one upstairs. The one downstairs is for guests.
05:04And the living room and the kitchen are common areas.
05:07Does that work for you?
05:08Yes. Make it so.
05:10Right.
05:12Who's that?
05:16I am not sure, but I think she wants to fuck me.
05:20That's not gonna happen.
05:22Oh, yeah. We'll see about that, sweetie.
05:28Uh, Melanie?
05:30Zach.
05:32Oh, my God.
05:34What are you doing here?
05:35I just transferred. I was over at State last semester.
05:38Well, hello there, Melanie.
05:41Cameron.
05:42Mmm.
05:43Wow. Didn't miss that.
05:45Melanie! Upstairs now. We're having a meeting.
05:48Okay.
05:50Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around the house then?
05:54Yeah, I guess so.
06:00This place is repulsive.
06:02Is that a used condom?
06:04Oh.
06:09Ladies, please.
06:11I know these aren't the best of arrangements.
06:13And no matter what those cavemen downstairs think,
06:15this place is just as much ours as it is theirs.
06:18The road is gonna be rough.
06:20It's gonna be dirty.
06:21And occasionally we'll have a used condom in it.
06:24But we can do this.
06:28Sisters on three.
06:32One, two, three!
06:33This is bullshit!
06:34All right?
06:35We can't have chicks living here!
06:37Yeah, I totally agree.
06:39Yeah, I totally agree.
06:40Okay.
06:41You know that brunette?
06:42Though I'd love to get her Canadian swirl
06:44and a Ford Bronco on four flat tires.
06:48Dude, what?
06:49Makes zero sense, dude.
06:51Look, guys, this is our house.
06:53Those girls were invaders in our territory.
06:55Cameron and I, we've wanted to be Elvis for as long as I can remember,
06:58and I'm not throwing that dream down the shitter because of some chicks.
07:01Yeah, me too, dude.
07:02But my dream did not include a pussy embargo.
07:05You guys are missing the bigger picture here.
07:07Did you see the talent that just walked into this house?
07:11At this moment, the rooms directly above our heads
07:14are being stocked with some pretty decent great inventory.
07:19This house is basically just a Costco full of vag, right?
07:22And if we play our cards right, we might be getting some free samples.
07:26Besides, how bad can it be living with girls?
07:29Yeah.
07:38What's going on?
07:39They're cleaning.
07:41Nice work, ladies.
07:45What the fuck do you think you're doing?
07:47Just because you're comfortable living like pigs
07:49doesn't mean we have to be.
07:56This was to play those games N side makes me different things,
07:58and I care who I were and I knowããĻ
07:59We're not sure enough.
08:00Might be funny.
08:01Come in and talk with people five.
08:02Maybe you're sitting here as a containeræļå,
08:03I even need somebody from them,
08:04looking for a cars here.
08:05Thanks for watching.
08:06Too many people are playing games.
08:07Come in now?
08:09I'm looking for boys from the headaches.
08:14Whoa.
08:16What did you think you're playing?
08:18I won't be the best.
08:19I kind of know who's giving you a piece of animals,
08:20I have to hunt them.
08:21What could be your mom?
08:24I don't know.
08:54what's going on you're painting this room so painting this room pink
09:16fucking hate pink
09:23I didn't get used to the view though
09:29yeah why I definitely need you both to know my choice with
09:46the park strikes one on my sundial
09:55the shadows dance next to my bicycle
10:03this breeze could carry me away
10:11can't leave my fickle feet astray
10:20enjoying the view?
10:27um
10:27yeah
10:31what do you say?
10:34we were just
10:35right
10:35you know these paint fumes are making me kind of dizzy
10:41oh yeah me too
10:44you wanna
10:47get out of here?
10:50definitely
10:51okay
10:52perv!
11:05oh
11:06I'm gonna kill you
11:09I like that
11:10I like that
11:11help me
11:12what happened?
11:13I caught Jersey Shore here staring at me through my bedroom door
11:16whoa kiss my taint alright
11:18I am way cooler than those Jersey Shore douchebags
11:21I'm taking this to Marshall
11:22whoa
11:22okay pause right there
11:24alright
11:25nobody has to take anything to Dean Marshall
11:27how about
11:29you promise to stay in your part of the house
11:31and we'll promise to stay in ours
11:32but we get the basement
11:34okay you guys got to go all fucking Martha Stewart on the rest of the house
11:37we get one place
11:39that's just ours
11:40just like we like it
11:41deal?
11:43if I catch you looking at me again
11:45I'm turning your balls into a keychain
11:48is that a promise?
11:50no!
11:50ooh
11:51ooh
11:51ooh
11:52I love her
11:53I love her
11:55dude
11:55I
11:56what?
12:01I'm taking this place over
12:02then what the fuck are we doing about it?
12:05cause I
12:05am
12:06one
12:07ass hair away
12:09from leaving
12:10we do what we do best
12:13and that would be?
12:15we be guys
12:16we do everything we can
12:18to run the Deltas out of this place
12:19and back into the lecture hall they came from
12:21and then we take Alpha House back for ourselves
12:22what about Marshall's big plan?
12:25what's he gonna do about it
12:26if they leave voluntarily?
12:28but what about the bitchy one?
12:30leave her to me
12:31you boys ready for this?
12:34oh yeah
12:35good
12:36we started sunup
12:38no it did not
12:40they have to leave?
12:43oh they will
12:44I have a plan
12:47excuse me lady
13:01hey
13:01I'm so sorry
13:02dude
13:02we good?
13:03you're watching that
13:04we're watching this now
13:05oh god
13:06and this
13:10is how they pay for college
13:11oh
13:12alright K2
13:13you got the choice between every hole filled with cock
13:16Brazilian whores in Vegas
13:17looks like that won an award
13:19or white men can hop
13:21oh sorry
13:22don't have a TV in my room
13:23oh
13:24no problem
13:24boys
13:25good to go boss
13:27good
13:27thank you
13:28alright
13:29white men can hop it is
13:31alright
13:33look at those titties bouncing
13:34nice
13:35home movies?
13:40uh sorry
13:41it's part of
13:42you know
13:43it's alright
13:46hey I might even learn a thing or two
13:48I'm gonna go
13:49I'm gonna go
13:53this is not why I joined your stupid sorority
14:01change is never easy Renee
14:04but we're not about to let some smutty videos break us
14:08we will persevere
14:10hello ladies
14:12have we got a treat for you
14:15and other shirts
14:16what is this?
14:17oh well we thought that the house could use a little more solidarity
14:20so what each and every one of you is going to do
14:24is think of the sluttiest thing you've ever done on a first date
14:26write it on the shirt and wear it to dinner
14:28what?
14:29no
14:30why not?
14:31come on
14:31we're doing it too
14:32see
14:33solidarity
14:34besides
14:36president's orders
14:37right Cam?
14:38fucking eight
14:39see you all at dinner
14:40bye
14:41I'm not doing this
14:45yes you are
14:46we all are
14:48think of all the women who stood up for what they believe was right
14:51Elizabeth Blackwell
14:52Susan B. Anthony
14:54snaggy
14:55if those women could endure all they had to go through
15:01surely we can endure this
15:04right ladies?
15:06all of you start writing
15:08and be truthful
15:11we wouldn't want to compromise our integrity
15:14Jessica
15:19I said be truthful
15:22I made this for you
15:42God dude I don't know what the fuck this is
16:03no relax
16:04right
16:05I am on it
16:07it's working
16:15all right
16:17td cam number one
16:18it's ready for its broadcast day
16:19sweet
16:20let's roll
16:22I'm already careful
16:27careful
16:27well you see me hanging on the bar
16:39Zach Zach
16:43you gotta check out this photo
16:45it's totally epic
16:47maybe later guys
16:48titties
16:49hey there
16:56spot
16:56can't a guy get some
16:57oh
16:58hi
17:02studying huh
17:04trying to
17:06just like old times
17:07you remember our first date
17:107th grade
17:12after school
17:13you asked me to meet you
17:15in the library
17:16right
17:17you said you wanted me to help you with your history assignment
17:21but I seem to remember what you really wanted was to feel my boobs
17:25under the sweater or over the bra if I remember correctly
17:28oh you remember
17:29so what are you studying now
17:33oh
17:33history
17:36you don't say
17:38let you get to it
17:41we should shower again
17:51yeah it's so much fun
17:53it's good for the environment
17:54it is
17:55I know
17:56we're saving water
17:57helping bunnies
17:58yeah
17:58well now you're just flirting with me academically aren't you
18:04no seriously
18:05those
18:06those are impressive numbers
18:07I'm on the phone
18:10I'm going to lunch
18:11be back by one
18:12by three
18:14yes
18:16yes
18:17well
18:17I look forward to speaking about Virgin Mary much more as well
18:20yes
18:23yes
18:24Alpha House Project is moving forward
18:25students are getting along
18:27no no
18:29no complaints
18:29and
18:30if there are
18:32there's always
18:33provision 13
18:34listen
18:40if we have to use it
18:41we most definitely will
18:43listen up ladies
18:46the game has changed
18:47before you know it
18:48we're going to have this house
18:49all to ourselves
18:50how
18:51like this
18:52what are you doing
18:55what we have to do
18:57to take this house
18:58saddle up girls
18:59it's time to blow some lines
19:01Cameron
19:12hey
19:13hey
19:14what's up K2
19:15um
19:16I just really wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting lately
19:20really
19:21yeah
19:21you know
19:22I know it must be weird
19:23being forced to live with a bunch of women
19:25it's a lot to take in all at once
19:27nah it's cool
19:28we've been having fun
19:29yeah
19:30totally
19:31us too
19:32anyways
19:34the girls and I wanted to offer you a kind of peace offering
19:36oh
19:37a peace offering
19:39yeah
19:39you know
19:40for all the trouble we've caused you
19:42it's the least we can do
19:44so
19:46dinner tonight
19:47at the house
19:48on us
19:49sure
19:50sounds good
19:51perfect
19:52I'll see you then
19:53and remember to dress nice
19:55we've got something really special planned
19:57alright
19:58see ya
19:59okay
20:00bye
20:06good evening gentlemen
20:25we your alpha sisters
20:27would like to thank you
20:28for welcoming us so warmly into your home
20:30as a token of our gratitude
20:32we prepared a very special meal for you tonight
20:35one I think you'll remember
20:36for a long time
20:37please
20:45take a seat
20:46seems to think you guys had something to do with her
20:57presentation
20:58earlier
20:59I assure you we had nothing to do with the destruction of Pompeii
21:03whatever
21:05I'm sorry that Edgar got kicked out last night
21:10yeah
21:11same about Jessica and Katie
21:13who would have thought that Associate Dean Douchebag was actually a man of his word
21:19still not sure why he showed up at that exact moment though
21:24just bad luck I guess
21:27hey
21:28do you remember that night in high school when we were in Johnny Peterson's basement
21:33and you threw up all over his coffee table
21:37oh yes
21:39I told his mom I was sick with the flu
21:41did not have the heart to tell her that we got into his dad's liquor
21:44yeah I drank you under the table that night
21:46what
21:47I'm just saying you are kind of a lightweight
21:50oh really
21:51really
21:52really
21:53ladies and gentlemen welcome to sip or strip
22:01the rules are simple
22:02you flip this coin and call it in the air
22:04get it right
22:04you take a shot
22:05get it wrong
22:06you remove an article of clothing and take a shot
22:09okay
22:10if you pass out or end up naked you're out
22:14the last man
22:15uh
22:16or woman
22:18standing
22:19wins the game
22:21there are no prizes this is simply a challenge to determine the better sex
22:25are you ready
22:27yeah
22:28I said are you fucking ready
22:30yeah
22:30good
22:35but the game's beginning
22:40I don't want to rematch
22:43okay lie back
22:44because you're very very drunk right now
22:47we can't do this
22:58I told you all my secrets
23:00I thought you were the one
23:03the promises
23:06the promises
23:07I swear they lost for a lifetime
23:11the things I said
23:14the things I said
23:16I always said to keep you hanging
23:20I am
23:22I'm what I want to be
23:24you are
23:25you're just a fantasy
23:28and we are
23:30please fighting
23:32this time around
23:35hey
23:37I'm gonna be
23:39I'm gonna be
23:40I know this
23:41light with you
23:42this time around
23:43that you know us will be
23:46alright
23:48so
23:49what is this time?
23:53so
23:55what is this time?
23:57So, what's this time?
24:10What am I doing here? How did I get here? You pig?
24:22What the hell is going on here?
24:25Exactly what I said would happen when one of your boys crossed the line.
24:28What? Nobody-
24:29I found them with a few of my girls in their rooms.
24:31Huh. Sounds pretty consensual to me.
24:34No. It sounds like you could inspire to get them drunk so you could take advantage of them.
24:38Oh, horseshit. You were there.
24:41I suggest you boys begin adhering to the rules. Otherwise, you'll all be looking for a new home.
24:48Kelly's gonna wipe us out if we don't get some help.
24:54I think I know just the person.
24:57I think I know just the person.
24:59I think I know just the person.
25:04You're awesome.
25:09Hey.
25:10Hey.
25:12Hey.
25:14Yo, who is that?
25:15Yo, who is that?
25:26That, my boys, is my cousin Natalie.
25:29She's our inside man.
25:31Cameron.
25:33Boys.
25:35I heard you need some help.
25:37Yeah, you have no idea.
25:38Fucking tongue back in your face, dude.
25:42Come on, baby.
25:43What about that?
25:45I'm busy, Stephanie!
25:58He's busy.
25:59I don't give a rat's ass.
26:01Marshall, what the devil are you up to?
26:04Dean Bungalon.
26:06I'm not quite sure what you're referring to.
26:09Alpha House?
26:10You're trying to launch some kind of co-ed program?
26:13Yes, yes, the first of its kind in the state, in fact.
26:18Very progressive, and certainly within my remit as associate dean.
26:22But I hear that it has resulted in the ejection of some students from the fraternity.
26:27Yes, it's unfortunate but necessary.
26:29My ass.
26:31I cannot for the life of me figure out why you would think it's a good idea to put a bunch
26:36of sexed up young adults under one roof.
26:39What did you think was going to happen?
26:40The benefits of the program far outweigh the risks.
26:43Making the Greek system co-ed fosters unity between the genders and offers for a more cohesive
26:49living situation.
26:52But no fraternization with the opposite sex?
26:55You're suppressing their natural urges.
26:58Hell, when I was an alpha...
26:59Yes, yes.
27:00We all know about the old days when you went Greek, sir.
27:03The point is, students come to Sterling College to learn and to have fun, not to be put into
27:11some social experiment.
27:12I appreciate your concern, sir.
27:15I don't know what your endgame is, Marshal, but if I get a call that says that this little
27:20plan of yours went tits up, it's your ass, not mine.
27:26Tits up my ass.
27:28Got it.
27:28Will there be anything else, sir?
27:32No.
27:33Carry on with, um, whatever it is you're doing here.
27:37I need you to do some research for me.
28:00I think we have a double agent in our midst.
28:02Find out everything you can about that new girl, Natalie.
28:05I'm on it.
28:06Time to turn up the heat.
28:16Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
28:18Okay, not in here.
28:21This is our basement.
28:22Okay, this is our territory.
28:24Haven't you ever heard of burlesque or size?
28:27Okay, but...
28:37Like, like, five minutes.
28:39Not the stress, but SOS on the quest.
28:42We manifest at the quest.
28:43Nevertheless, SOS, I'm feeling helpless.
28:46Keeping true on the quest.
28:47To lose you will be a mess.
28:48So I'm waiting for the best.
28:49And I guess we're going to do something right.
28:52Better do it tonight.
28:53Otherwise, the love won't be shining bright.
28:55We're keeping our life tight.
28:56You shine like a neon light.
28:58So tell me what we're doing tonight.
28:59Tonight.
28:59Tonight.
29:00Tonight.
29:00Tonight.
29:00Tonight.
29:01Tonight.
29:02Tonight.
29:02Tonight.
29:03Tonight.
29:03Tonight.
29:03Tonight.
29:04We can make a ten.
29:17We can make a ten.
29:18So close.
29:48Dude, we should all just leave the house, okay?
29:52We're dropping like flies.
29:53I wish I could get Allison and drop her pants.
29:56I bet her kudos is like fine china.
29:58Dude, now you're just being creepy.
30:00Guys, we can do this.
30:04And we're alphas, for Christ's sake.
30:06All right, we'll wear them down.
30:07You'll see.
30:08Um, you okay?
30:22We're not going to make it.
30:23Not with you girls walking around the house flunting our goods.
30:26Flunting our goods?
30:27We're not built to defend against this.
30:29It's like you're actually trying to get us tossed out.
30:31All I ever wanted was to be an alpha.
30:50What are you doing?
30:52Just flaunting my goods.
30:54Okay.
30:54Okay.
30:55Okay.
30:55Okay.
30:55Okay.
30:55Okay.
30:55Okay.
30:55Okay.
30:55Okay.
30:55Okay.
30:56Okay.
30:56Okay.
30:57Okay.
30:57Okay.
30:58Okay.
30:58Okay.
30:59Okay.
31:00Okay.
31:01Feeling better?
31:27Uh, yeah.
31:29I need to tell you something.
31:36You're right about us.
31:38Kelly is trying to take over Alpha House and turn it into a sorority.
31:42What?
31:44How?
31:45It's something called Provision 13.
31:48It states that if the ratio of either gender falls below 40%, the gender that has the majority
31:54has control.
31:56That's why you guys have been getting kicked out, so that we have the majority.
32:01We've been playing you the entire time.
32:07I'm sorry.
32:08Oh, you asshole!
32:21You cross enemy lines!
32:24I can't believe you're fucking her!
32:25Smell any!
32:26Of all of them!
32:27It was just once!
32:28And a half!
32:29And a half!
32:33Okay.
32:34Look.
32:35I am sorry that I punched you, but you fucking deserved it.
32:39You know that?
32:40I know.
32:41Shit!
32:42Shit!
32:44So what do we do now, huh?
32:45Big guy?
32:49I have an idea.
32:50All right, we're sneaking into Dean Marshall's office, we try whatever we can about this
33:00Provision 13 bullshit, and we use it against the girls.
33:02Okay, shit!
33:03Security!
33:03Go, go, go!
33:04What are you doing?
33:05Whoa!
33:20Okay, let's do this.
33:23Quick in, quick out.
33:24Look at your mom, dick.
33:32You finding anything?
33:33Ah, no!
33:35Check it out.
33:39What?!
33:44Got it.
33:45All right, now let's rub our balls all over his office.
33:47Dip's on his phone, okay?
33:51Shit!
33:53Oh shit!
33:58I want you to fuck me on my freak boss's desk.
34:05Treat me like a fat girl.
34:07You're such a freak when we do the marshals off.
34:11Gentlemen!
34:13We are not going to sit idly by and watch our beloved fraternity be stolen from beneath our feet!
34:18From this night forward, we do everything in our powers to stop the advancement of Kelly and the muggy dick lover we know as Associate Dean Douchebag.
34:26How?
34:28Enough with the drawings, just tell them the plan.
34:32First, we vow not to touch the poon.
34:36So keep it in your pants.
34:37Then, we beat those lying, disingenuous, fraudulent, mendacious, perfidious dhors at their own game.
34:49Who's with us?
34:50Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Brief Charity Days, where all posties earned by students are donated to the charity of every fraternity and sorority joint.
35:05First, please join.
35:10Hmm.
35:12Yeah, not exactly the turnout I was expecting, but it's still not pretty shitty.
35:19Actually, yeah.
35:22The, uh, girls seem to be doing pretty well.
35:26Suspiciously well.
35:27Come get your kisses!
35:28Dude, give me ten dollars.
35:40Interesting.
35:42Really?
35:43You're that pissed at me?
35:46Uh, he says that you liked him and that he was bad at the sex.
35:49Oh!
35:50What did you expect me to do?
35:52I'm trying to fit in, be a part of the group, just like you.
35:55You would have done the same thing.
35:57Probably already have.
35:59He says he has nothing else to say to you.
36:01Well, I have nothing else to say to him either.
36:04Dude, she is cute.
36:05We need to figure something out.
36:06We need to figure this out.
36:07You need to figure this out.
36:08You need to get serious.
36:09Hey, I have a question.
36:10If you're already done with her, do you think I could like-
36:11Cam!
36:13You like her!
36:14Shut up.
36:15You like smelling me!
36:16I fucking knew it!
36:20Hey guys!
36:23Zach likes Melanie!
36:24Okay, you get one more of those and I swear to Christ I'm going to punch you right in the gooch.
36:30What you got?
36:32Almost finished.
36:33Check it out.
36:34Nice!
36:35And the website?
36:36Ready to roll!
36:41Five bucks a day?
36:42Keeps the blue balls away.
36:44Make it ten.
36:46We're getting creamed out there.
36:48Ten it is!
36:49Come back time.
36:57I know that Kelly is into this whole empowerment thing, but I kind of just want to rage and get some dick, you know?
37:07Oh shit.
37:08I mean, that's what your cause is supposed to be all about, right?
37:10I totally agree.
37:12Hey, Renee, can you move to the right a bit?
37:20Why?
37:22I wanted to get a better look at your bra. It's really nice.
37:26You think so?
37:27Yeah, can I see it?
37:28Yeah.
37:29I finally splurged and got myself some new ones.
37:33Nice job, boys.
37:35We have a bra.
37:36Camera 7 is offline.
37:37Which one is that?
37:38It's the one in K2's room.
37:40Oh shit.
37:41Do you think she found it?
37:42I don't know.
37:43If she did, she'd be in here cutting her dicks off, right? Wouldn't she?
37:46Oh fuck.
37:47Oh fuck.
38:08Dude, so how much have we made so far?
38:09$12,000.
38:10What?
38:11Yeah, and that's just the first day, dude. I'm telling you, Zach, if we keep going like this, we're going to be able to buy our own fraternity.
38:16Hey, February.
38:18Dude, that's like the third time that's happened to me today.
38:20What? Called you February?
38:21Yeah, weird, right?
38:22Yeah.
38:24Hello, boys.
38:26Ladies, would you like your coffee's autograph?
38:29Shit.
38:30Ladies, it's plenty of me to go around.
38:32Um, now, exactly what am I autographing?
38:34This.
38:36Oh shit!
38:38What happened to my dick?
38:39I know, I'm so sorry.
38:41This is not what I look like. This is not what I look like.
38:43I have a friend who's really good at photo editing.
38:45Give me that.
38:47Mine's crooked!
38:48Actually, it's a perfect right angle.
38:49My dick does not look like this!
38:50Dude, calm down.
38:51No.
38:52No, I will not calm down.
38:53I need the world to know that I do not have a goddamn 90 degree penis!
38:58In fact, I am gonna show everybody!
38:59Dude, keep your pants on!
39:00Keep your pants on!
39:01Nope, I'm gonna prove it right now to everybody!
39:02This is not over.
39:03Not yet.
39:04Come on.
39:05I want to show them!
39:06No.
39:07Kelly.
39:08What's wrong?
39:09I've got that research you asked for, Natalie.
39:10Cousins?!
39:11Cousins?!
39:12Leverage.
39:13Leverage.
39:14Leverage.
39:15Kelly.
39:16Kelly.
39:17Leverage.
39:43Kelly, are you there, you bad?
39:47Bad girl.
39:54What are you guys doing here?
39:56We got the note from Kelly, she says she wants the party.
39:59Shit, we've been set up.
40:02Come on, we have to get out of here.
40:04Oh my god!
40:06What are you doing in my room?
40:08With drugs!
40:09And fetish wear!
40:11I told you they were out of control.
40:14Well, Dean Bungalon, I think you'll agree there really is no choice here.
40:21I agree.
40:26Gentlemen.
40:28Madame.
40:30You're out.
40:33Dude.
40:35Well, that's it then.
40:37Without these two, the guys have less than 40%.
40:39And even without Miss Lady Payne here, we've still got the majority.
40:43Alpha House is ours!
40:46You know, it didn't have to be this way.
40:53We could have changed Sterling College for the better.
40:59We could have found a way to live together as equals.
41:04But instead, you had to sow the seeds of discontent.
41:08And you know what happened?
41:10You raked the fucking whirlwind!
41:13That's what happened!
41:14Oh.
41:19You're sexy when you're megalomaniacal.
41:21Laugh it up, Frodo.
41:23But tonight, I'll be sleeping in my nice, warm bed.
41:27In this very house.
41:29Where will you be sleeping?
41:31Oh, well, it's Tuesday, so that would be with your mom.
41:35Ah!
41:38Oh!
41:42Later, losers.
41:45Come on, ladies. Let's go.
41:49I'm really sorry, boys.
41:52I wish there was something I could do.
41:54Yeah, yeah, me too.
41:55But, um, unfortunately, my hands are tied.
41:58Yeah, I'm sure.
42:01Come on, guys.
42:05I brought all the paperwork to officially turn Alpha House into the Delta Pi sorority.
42:24All you have to do is sign right here.
42:30Is there something wrong?
42:32I'm afraid we are going in a different direction.
42:36You see, the co-ed fraternity project was meant to showcase how Sterling College fosters productive interaction between the genders.
42:45I'm sure you'll agree it was an unmitigated disaster.
42:49I don't understand. What about provision 13?
42:51Give you the fraternity.
42:53Oh, I don't know. Why don't I also open up a brothel?
42:56After what you girls did?
43:01Oh, I don't think so.
43:04I did what you told me to do.
43:07Hmm? Can you prove that?
43:10Oh, I don't think so.
43:13You have 24 hours to vacate Alpha House.
43:16That is all.
43:21That is all.
43:36Girls!
43:37We need to talk.
43:42Alpha is no longer a fraternity.
43:45Yeah, no shit.
43:46You made sure of that, Cruella DeVille.
43:49We were just following Marshall's orders.
43:51He told me he wanted to show how he was this big supporter of female empowerment by turning the most sexist fraternity on campus into a sorority.
43:57But in the end, he just wanted to shut it down.
43:59And he used us to do it.
44:01Wait, shut it down?
44:02Completely. Abandoned. Boarded up.
44:03We're just as homeless as you are now.
44:06I know that I don't deserve this.
44:08That we don't deserve this after what we did.
44:10But we can't just sit back and watch Alpha House disappear.
44:13What? We?
44:15Yes, we.
44:16That dickweed needs to get what's coming to him.
44:18Nobody crosses Kelly Dorothy Kramer.
44:22Dorothy.
44:24Shut up!
44:25Now are you going to help us get Alpha House back or what?
44:27I don't know.
44:28You did already break our trust once.
44:31Please.
44:33We'll do anything.
44:35Anything?
44:50Looking good, ladies.
44:53We're in. Admin building, 2pm.
44:55And don't feel the need to change on account of us, okay?
44:57I'm sorry, but there's absolutely nothing I can do to overturn Associate Dean Marshall's decision.
45:08What about the Alpha Creed?
45:10Yeah, once an Alpha, always an Alpha.
45:12I really wish I could help you.
45:15Thank you, sir. We really appreciate your time.
45:20Of course, if Marshall was to lose his position with the administration, all of his policies would be reviewed.
45:26Well, wait a minute. Are you saying that if we get Dean Marshall kicked out of the college that we might be able to get Alpha House back?
45:34Well, the reason for his dismissal would have to be something pretty effing dishonorable.
45:39Something so scandalous that the college would disown all of his decisions just to distance itself from him.
45:46Dishonorable?
45:48Scandalous.
45:50We'll do it.
45:51Of course, this conversation never happened.
45:56Of course. Thank you, Dean.
46:01Once an Alpha, always an Alpha.
46:05Cameron, you take a team into Marshall's office. Place cameras here, here, and here.
46:10Roger that.
46:12Once you're in, be fast. In and out. But make sure the cameras are invisible, undetectable. We need full coverage.
46:17Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Come on, let's go.
46:23Whatever he does in that office, we need to see it.
46:26What do you think we'll find?
46:27I don't know, but based on what his assistant said, probably some freaky-ass shit.
46:31Did he just ask to get fucked in the ass by a chick wearing a squirrel costume?
46:47Yeah, I think so.
46:49I think I just kicked in my mouth a little.
46:51What are we gonna do with all this intel after we gather it?
46:52We bait the trap.
46:58Good morning, Stephanie. Nice to see you working.
47:05What's this?
47:06What's this?
47:13Oh, oh, oh, oh, my.
47:20I'm...
47:22Go to lunch.
47:25Whatever.
47:26What's the password?
47:45ACORN! ACORN!
47:48Hello? Anyone here?
47:57Um...
48:00Miss...
48:01Furry Double Stuff?
48:02Hold on.
48:03Make yourself at home.
48:09Wow.
48:11I...
48:12I knew you had a lot of stuff, but, um...
48:15Oh.
48:17This is so disgusting.
48:23I think you mean this is so awesome.
48:30Isn't this what you wanted, Mr. Rosenbush?
48:33Oh, sweet.
48:34Oh, Jesus, sweet.
48:35Um...
48:37Please, uh...
48:39Call me Tiger.
48:41His porn name is Tiger Rosenbush?
48:44That's better than mine.
48:46Mokey McKinley.
48:48See, K2, what you do?
48:50I know how it works.
48:52I know how it works.
48:54I know how it works.
48:56I know how it works.
48:58I know how it works.
49:00I know how it works.
49:01I'm not gonna tell you money.
49:04Okay.
49:06Tiger.
49:07Oh.
49:09Take your pants off.
49:11Right away, Miss Dullo. Stop.
49:13Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
49:16Almost there.
49:18Okay, okay, okay, okay.
49:20Almost there.
49:22Yeah, okay.
49:24Okay, okay, okay.
49:25Almost there.
49:27I know how it works.
49:28Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, almost there.
49:35Boxer briefs.
49:37Oh, I can never make up my mind.
49:40Lose them.
49:48Where is it?
49:50That's it, isn't it?
49:51No, no, no, no, that's a smudge.
49:53Oh!
49:54Really?
49:55Mama squirrel loves nuts.
49:58Oh, you do.
50:02Bark like a dog.
50:03What?
50:04Bark.
50:05Rough.
50:06Louder.
50:07Rough.
50:12Yeah, like a pussycat.
50:14And what does the cow say?
50:16The cow says moo.
50:17The cow says moo!
50:19Are you ready, Tiger?
50:22It's great!
50:25Oh my god, is she going to...?
50:31Yes, she is!
50:44I am honored to be speaking in front of you today.
50:46I am particularly grateful to Provost Elias
50:50and the other Virgin Mary administrators
50:52for making time in the very busy schedules to be here today.
50:57Throughout my tenure at Stirling College,
50:59I'm most proud of how I fought for equal gender rights.
51:04Although I did not achieve the level of success I had hoped
51:07with my most recent project,
51:10the rehabilitation of Stirling College's most notorious
51:14and disrespected fraternity.
51:17I swear to you, on my nanny's graves,
51:21I will continue the gender fight
51:24until I have serviced the needs of every female student.
51:28That is so gross.
51:30It is in that spirit that I proffer my resignation
51:32as Associate Dean of Stirling College.
51:35You guys ready?
51:36And accept the position of Dean of Virgin Mary University.
51:42Drop it!
51:44Like it's hot!
51:45Roll it!
51:52Provost Elias, I so look forward to bringing my personal style to Virgin Mary,
51:56as well as inserting my rigid ethics into the lives of your most...
52:00That's him, right?
52:01Yeah.
52:02Wonderful student.
52:03Now, time for questions and photography.
52:06What is...
52:07I'm sorry.
52:08Hello.
52:09No!
52:10No!
52:11This is...
52:12That is not me!
52:13That is...
52:14That is...
52:15It's Photoshop, people!
52:16Thanks for coming.
52:17Can we turn this off, please?
52:20Please, somebody tell me!
52:22Which one does it?
52:23Where am I?
52:24Tell me!
52:25Turn it off!
52:26Wait!
52:27No!
52:28Wait!
52:29No!
52:30Please!
52:31No!
52:32Please!
52:33It's not me!
52:34Say, you're awful.
52:35I don't understand that we thought you were.
52:37I'm afraid there's no place for you at Virgin Mary College after all.
52:39Sorry.
52:40Wait a minute!
52:41You can!
52:42Tiger Rosenbush?
52:44I...
52:47Hey, get a good copy of that.
52:49Great job.
52:50Oh!
52:51Oh!
52:52Oh!
52:53Oh!
52:54Oh!
52:55Oh!
52:56Oh!
52:57Oh!
52:58Oh!
52:59Oh!
53:00Today,
53:01we re-enter an elite brotherhood.
53:03And sisterhood.
53:07Are we ready to uphold the traditions of this fraternity?
53:10I mean, fraterna-sorority.
53:15If you are, let me hear you say yeah.
53:18And do we pledge, no matter what, to never let her hallowed halls fall silent, to never
53:26let the kegs go dry, and to never, ever, let the party die?
53:35If you're with me, let me hear you say, fuck yeah!
53:38Fuck yeah!
53:41Welcome back to the 24-hour party machine!
54:01We're not back in five minutes, I'm putting my clothes back on.
54:08I have to say, when I told you guys to find some dirt, I wasn't expecting this.
54:14Well, sir, it was a full team effort.
54:18Without everybody involved, never would have happened.
54:25I have some fond memories of this place, throwing back brews, bang and tang, hell, I was the alpha
54:32male, three years running, sometimes wish I could come back.
54:38Sir, you're always welcome back.
54:41Once an alpha, always an alpha.
54:45I may just take you up on that.
54:47Marty, get over here, Tracy is showing us what she learned in Mexico, while standing dude, come
54:53on!
54:54Thank you, sis.
54:55Okay.
54:56Have a great party.
54:57Thank you, sir.
54:58You know, I was thinking...
54:59Were you?
55:00Yeah, I was thinking we could, uh, you know, again, unless, you know, you're still mad at
55:13me.
55:14Let's go.
55:15Let's go.
55:16Okay.
55:17Woo!
55:18See you, girl!
55:27Don't slam the door in my face.
55:28Why shouldn't I?
55:29Uh, because I...
55:30I brought you these.
55:36You wanna come in?
55:38Sure.
55:40So, what do you want?
55:48Uh, I just...
55:51I know you don't like me very much, but since we're officially now roommates...
55:55Housemates.
55:56Right.
55:57Uh, I figured that we should start fresh.
56:01K2, look, I know I can be a bit of an asshole, but...
56:05Cameron.
56:06I...
56:07I think that if you got to know me a little more that we might be able to...
56:09Cameron!
56:10Yeah?
56:11Turn around.
56:18Bangorang.
56:21You're an asshole.
56:22President asshole.
56:29Hey, little squirrel.
56:33You want a nut, little guy?
56:36You want a nut?
56:37Hmm?
56:38You want a nut?
56:39You patchouli-drenched Birkenstock piece of poop!
56:41I'll get your nut.
56:42Oh, hey!
56:43Here's a nut.
56:44It is.
56:45Have a nut!
56:46Whoa!
56:47Whoa!
56:48Huh?
56:49Would you like another nut?
56:50Here's a nut.
56:51Here's another nut.
56:52Here!
56:53Take it!
56:54What the fuck?
56:55What's wrong?
56:56Don't you like my nuts?
56:57Here!
56:58What the fuck?
56:59What's wrong?
57:00Don't you like my nuts?
57:01Here!
57:02You can't handle my nuts!
57:03Take my nuts!
57:04Where's the fucking squirrel?
57:05Ah!
57:06Get over here!
57:07God damn you!
57:08Little fucker!
57:09Get here!
57:10I see you!
57:11Can't hide!
57:12You can't hide and hide!
57:13You can't hide!
57:14I wasn't...
57:15I wasn't!
57:16I was...
57:30Yaaaaaaasssssssssss Aday!
57:31Hi!
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