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Disaster Movie is a 2008 American parody film written and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer and produced by Peter Safran, Friedberg, and Seltzer. It stars Matt Lanter, Vanessa Minnillo, Gary "G Thang" Johnson, Crista Flanagan, Nicole Parker, Ike Barinholtz, Carmen Electra, Tony Cox, and Kim Kardashian in her feature film debut. The film is mainly a parody of the disaster film genre, although it also references many other films, TV shows, people, and pop culture events of the time.
#movie #fullmovie #freemovie #dramabox
#movie #fullmovie #freemovie #dramabox
Category
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Short filmTranscript
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00:05:29lies with this.
00:05:35Crystal skull.
00:05:36That's right. Did your nipples just go tight?
00:05:38Yeah, they did. They just went right right off inside, didn't they?
00:05:49Oh, boy.
00:05:51I knew I shouldn't have taken all the Zambian.
00:06:08Amy, wake up, baby. I just had the weirdest dream.
00:06:12Amy!
00:06:16Flavor, flame! Yeah, boy!
00:06:19I've been giving your girl the flavor of love.
00:06:25Get the hell out of here, Flavor.
00:06:28Flavor, flame!
00:06:33What is that about?
00:06:34What?
00:06:36You said you didn't want to be in a relationship.
00:06:39I know, but Flavor?
00:06:43Well,
00:06:46I want to take it to the next level.
00:06:50Uh-huh.
00:06:53I love you.
00:06:56I like you, too.
00:07:00Oh, man.
00:07:03Look, you don't understand. I think the world is coming to an end.
00:07:06Well, that's a fancy way of saying you have commitment issues.
00:07:12Unbelievable.
00:07:15Come on, Jojo.
00:07:18You're taking Jojo?
00:07:21Goodbye, Will.
00:07:24Are you still coming to my sweet 16 party?
00:07:26You're 25.
00:07:27I never had one.
00:07:28Grow up.
00:07:32It's the greatest night.
00:07:33Super 16.
00:07:34It's my spotlight.
00:07:35Super 16.
00:07:36Super 16.
00:07:37I hope MTV doesn't feel me picking up.
00:07:38My super duper sweet 16.
00:07:39Sweet 16.
00:07:40Sweet 16.
00:07:41Sweet 16.
00:07:42Sweet 16.
00:07:43I hope MTV doesn't feel me picking up.
00:07:45My super duper sweet 16.
00:07:46Sweet 16.
00:07:47Sweet 16.
00:07:48Sweet 16.
00:07:49Sweet 16.
00:07:50Sweet 16.
00:07:51Sweet 16.
00:07:57Hey.
00:07:58Let's go.
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02Yeah.
00:08:03Do it very easily.
00:08:12Hi, Will.
00:08:13I got that swag on today, so much, it's all right.
00:08:17Come back to you, boy, that's why I got a wedding, baby, yeah.
00:08:22Amy!
00:08:23You king!
00:08:40Oh, hey, Will.
00:08:42Happy Sweet Sixteen.
00:08:45Take a look at me!
00:08:51Hey, Will. It's your buddy, Dr. Phil.
00:08:58Hey, let me show you why my frat brothers used to call me Dr. Phil-ya-up.
00:09:04Oh, hey, baby.
00:09:05Oh!
00:09:11Lesbian, come back here. I like it rough.
00:09:14Hey, Will, where's that girlfriend of yours, Amy?
00:09:17Don't let her get away.
00:09:19She's a real quality girl, a real keeper, like that one.
00:09:23Hey, come on back here, you whore.
00:09:28Yo!
00:09:30Let's prank his ass.
00:09:35He's sleeping like a baby.
00:09:44We can put his hands in warm water.
00:09:48Or I have a better idea. I'm calling it.
00:09:51Tails.
00:09:55He's his tails.
00:10:05Punch.
00:10:14What's up, baby?
00:10:16Those guys are trying to steal our booze.
00:10:18What?
00:10:19We gotta get the alcohol so we can get the girls drunk, so we can finally get laid!
00:10:23I am lover.
00:10:24Yeah, I know.
00:10:25I am lover.
00:10:26Stop saying that!
00:10:28I am lover.
00:10:30God, you're such a douche!
00:10:32Check it, check it, yeah, my God, do you want?
00:10:34Just get the booze.
00:10:36Nobody tries to steal my gold, slugger.
00:10:38Shoot the target.
00:10:43Lisa, how am I supposed to do that? I don't even have a clear shot!
00:10:46Curve the bullet.
00:10:57Say what?
00:10:59You can control the bullet for whatever you want.
00:11:07Don't tell him what to do. He's my man.
00:11:09Back off, bitch.
00:11:10You don't want none of me.
00:11:11I don't want none of me.
00:11:20Get up!
00:11:29Come on, bitch!
00:11:42Take that, bitch!
00:11:53How do you like that?
00:12:00Oh, pretty thing.
00:12:02Oh, look at you laying there.
00:12:03She kissed me.
00:12:04Give me a kiss, baby.
00:12:05What?
00:12:23Left foot yellow.
00:12:26Calvin.
00:12:27Calvin!
00:12:29Are you gonna curve the bullet or what?
00:12:31Hello?
00:12:33Yeah, yeah, right, right.
00:12:38There's a medical term for what you do to me.
00:12:41Horny.
00:12:45Sorry, Phil.
00:12:52Shit.
00:12:53I can, I can do this.
00:12:54I can do this.
00:12:57Oh!
00:13:01Shit!
00:13:02Hurry up!
00:13:04Just curve the bullet.
00:13:06I know you have the power.
00:13:07Oh, come on.
00:13:09Oh, come on.
00:13:11Oh, come on.
00:13:13Oh, come on.
00:13:15Oh, come on.
00:13:17Oh, come on.
00:13:19Oh, come on.
00:13:21Oh, come on.
00:13:22Oh, come on.
00:13:25Oh, come on.
00:13:26Hurry up.
00:13:27Hurry up.
00:13:29Nice shot, asshole.
00:13:38Junie, why won't you have an abortion?
00:13:42You're not exactly part of the Christian Coalition.
00:13:45I could just grab a wire hanger and do it myself.
00:13:49Like Jamie Lynn Spears, I'm keeping this baby.
00:13:54And look, stud, you were no George Clooney.
00:13:57In fact, I just sold the baby to the highest bidder on eBay.
00:14:01You're a sarcastic teen who talks like she's the...
00:14:11What?
00:14:13What?
00:14:15What?
00:14:16What?
00:14:17What?
00:14:18What?
00:14:19What?
00:14:20What?
00:14:21What?
00:14:22What?
00:14:23What?
00:14:24What?
00:14:25What?
00:14:26Oh, no, no, that's your girlfriend.
00:14:28Actually, we broke up.
00:14:30Whoa, whoa.
00:14:31Oh, you want some new food?
00:14:33A little sweet little Asian freak?
00:14:34No, no, no.
00:14:35A little One Night in Bangkok?
00:14:36A little Saki Saki?
00:14:37I saw memoirs of a geisha.
00:14:38I know that shit goes on.
00:14:40I'm in love with her.
00:14:42Then what's your dumb ass break up with her?
00:14:44Never would have worked out.
00:14:46It's better to end it now than to end up hurting her.
00:14:48You know what?
00:14:49You got commitment issues, dog.
00:14:50Well, I didn't exactly have the best example growing up.
00:14:53I never even knew my dad.
00:14:55He split when I was young.
00:14:58There she go right there.
00:15:03Who that dude she with?
00:15:05She started dating some Calvin Klein underwear model.
00:15:12Forget about her, man.
00:15:13I got something that'll cheer you up.
00:15:20What is up with the marching band?
00:15:22What better way to celebrate your super duper sweet 16
00:15:25than with the high school music?
00:15:35Night, night.
00:15:37What?
00:15:38Gonna give me fun.
00:15:39Okay.
00:15:40Night, night.
00:15:41What?
00:15:42I'm feeling a lot.
00:15:43Yeah!
00:15:44Yeah!
00:15:45Yeah!
00:15:46Yeah!
00:15:47Yeah!
00:15:48Hello, my friends.
00:15:50You're all at my party.
00:15:52It's so good to see all of you.
00:15:56My ex-girl made me in my main man Calvin.
00:16:00And the breeze that molested me too.
00:16:04That reminds me of the time I was in college.
00:16:08I was experimenting.
00:16:10Yeah!
00:16:11Who get up with the heart for an exchange student?
00:16:16I think his name is half-seeing.
00:16:18We'll all be friends forever.
00:16:23Unless were any disaster i destroyed for City.
00:16:27We'll all be friends forever.
00:16:31Because if that happened, we'd be kind of shit-say.
00:16:35One, two, three, four.
00:16:39After we split, I told them break up your heart
00:16:43I started fooling around
00:16:46I did a black dude, I thought he was kind, yeah
00:16:51And the Jonas Brothers all got down
00:16:55Now that you split, I'll get a hoot on the reefer
00:16:59Yeah, I'll start pimping around
00:17:02Wait, what?
00:17:05Hey, hey, now
00:17:06Snoop Dogg's got nothing on this play
00:17:09I'll get the fast fries at the players' ball
00:17:12Hey, hey, man
00:17:16Whoa, yeah, it's going on and on
00:17:19We can't do it without it now
00:17:21It's the new, hey, hey
00:17:22Whoa, yeah, it's going on and on
00:17:25It's the new, hey, hey, hey
00:17:27We'll all be friends forever
00:17:32Unless you're random, disaster destroys us
00:17:35We'll all be friends forever
00:17:40Because if that happened, it'd be kind of shit day
00:17:45One, two, three, four
00:17:48J.T.'s here
00:17:50J.T.'s here
00:17:50J.T.'s here
00:17:51J.T.'s here
00:17:52J.T.'s here
00:17:54J.T.
00:17:55J.T.'s here
00:17:57J.T.'s here
00:17:58J.T.'s here
00:17:59J.T.'s here
00:18:00We'll push you through
00:18:01If I'm singing here
00:18:04with melody
00:18:05Downward
00:18:05Can you hear me?
00:18:06J.T.
00:18:07J.T.'s here
00:18:08I can find it
00:18:09J.T.
00:18:10I don't mean to be a beautiful man
00:18:13But I've done creepies in my tearing band
00:18:15Britney, Cameron, Scarlett too
00:18:17They are like a taste of my fondue
00:18:19Come to think of it
00:18:22I've had so much ass
00:18:24All that's left for me
00:18:26Let's dance
00:18:27Look everyone, it's Jessica Simpson
00:18:31Love moves up for Jesus
00:18:47Your heart is all for Jesus
00:18:51Put your pants on, dad
00:18:52Go, Roma
00:18:53Oh my God, he's got his gruff
00:18:55A basket full
00:18:56Wait, what's it called again?
00:18:58Oh my God, I totally forget
00:18:59What is it?
00:19:00A rubdown?
00:19:01What?
00:19:02A tickle down
00:19:03Oh, a touchdown
00:19:05A rub
00:19:06Freaking pigs
00:19:07Watch
00:19:10We'll all be friends forever
00:19:15Unless your enemy disaster destroys the city
00:19:19We'll all be friends forever
00:19:23Because if that happened, it'd be kind of shitty
00:19:27One, two, three, four
00:19:31Hooray!
00:19:32Hooray!
00:19:40What the hell was that?
00:19:45This is an emergency broadcast
00:19:48This is an emergency broadcast
00:19:50Shut up, everybody
00:19:51Listen
00:19:52Something has jolted the city
00:19:54We're getting reports
00:19:55It could be an earthquake
00:19:56Or some shit like that
00:19:57Oh shit
00:19:58Seismologists have marked the epicenter
00:20:01At a trendy loft district
00:20:02Whose residents are attractive
00:20:04Twenty-somethings
00:20:05Who dance to bad 80s music
00:20:07We're Abercrombie and Fitch
00:20:08And like to drink light beer
00:20:10Oh god, we're all gonna die
00:20:13Take a Xanax, Fabio
00:20:17You're wigging harder than a smack addict
00:20:19At an Iggy show circa 73
00:20:21What?
00:20:22It's cool, Moe D
00:20:24Sir
00:20:24Cries a lot
00:20:26You're totally giving me the stink eye
00:20:29Huh?
00:20:31FYI, battle crotch Galactica
00:20:33You're grape smuggling harder than Cornelius
00:20:35In Planet of the Apes
00:20:36The original
00:20:37Not Tim Burton's
00:20:38And BT Dubs
00:20:40I haven't seen a six-pack like that
00:20:42Since I shotgunned Molson Golden at Lollapalooza
00:20:45I don't understand a thing you're saying
00:20:48That's because I speak
00:20:49And overly written clever for clever sake quips
00:20:52Ugh
00:20:53Time to get the sea monkey plastered
00:21:03Ugh
00:21:04Ugh
00:21:05Ugh
00:21:05Ugh
00:21:06Ugh
00:21:06Ugh
00:21:07Ugh
00:21:07Ugh
00:21:08Ugh
00:21:08Ugh
00:21:09Ugh
00:21:09Ugh
00:21:10Ugh
00:21:10Ugh
00:21:11Ugh
00:21:11Ugh
00:21:12Ugh
00:21:12Ugh
00:21:13Ugh
00:21:13Ugh
00:21:14Ugh
00:21:15Ugh
00:21:16This is an emergency broadcast
00:21:20Bad exterrace
00:21:23Amy!
00:21:24Are you okay?
00:21:26Yeah
00:21:27Why did you bring another guy to my party?
00:21:30Why do you care?
00:21:31Because I
00:21:32I don't
00:21:34I'm out of here
00:21:37Later, bitch
00:21:39You know what, Will?
00:21:42Every time we made love
00:21:44I was thinking about another guy
00:21:46Well, so was I
00:21:48Damn it
00:21:53Well
00:21:54You gotta hear this
00:21:56The quake erupted a gas main
00:21:58And destroyed the ghetto
00:22:00Hmm
00:22:00I can live with that
00:22:02Ah
00:22:02Cool
00:22:03Cracker
00:22:05We're now getting reports
00:22:06That asteroids are falling out of the sky
00:22:08And
00:22:09End of the world
00:22:10And a pink berry
00:22:11Has just been destroyed
00:22:12Looks like my dream
00:22:18I repeat
00:22:21A pink berry
00:22:22Has just been destroyed
00:22:24Ah
00:22:24Ah
00:22:25Ah
00:22:26Ah
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00:22:37Ah
00:22:38Ah
00:22:39Ah
00:22:40Ah
00:22:41Ah
00:22:42What the hell is happening
00:22:44I think it's the apocalypse
00:22:45It's Armageddon
00:22:46I think I just shit myself
00:22:48Ah
00:22:48Ah
00:22:49Ah
00:22:50Ah
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00:23:03Ah
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00:23:05Ah
00:23:06Ah
00:23:07Ah
00:23:08Oh my God
00:23:08Hannah Montana's dead
00:23:10Ah
00:23:12Ah
00:23:13Ah
00:23:14Ah
00:23:15Ah
00:23:16Ah
00:23:17Ah
00:23:18Ah
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00:23:31Ah
00:23:32Ah
00:23:33Ah
00:23:34Ah
00:23:35Ah
00:23:36Ah
00:23:36Ah
00:23:37Pick up your official Hannah Montana lunchbox, Hannah Montana cheese grater, and Hannah Montana toilet paper.
00:23:45And be sure to tune in to my Summer of Montana concert this Wednesday, 8, 7 central.
00:23:55I waited in line for two days for these tickets.
00:23:59Damn!
00:23:59And let me just say, those totally sexy and utterly provocative pictures of me were leaked onto MySpace completely without my permission.
00:24:14But if you'll notice in those pictures, I'm wearing my new line of sexy Hannah Montana lingerie, now available at Target.
00:24:29Oh my god, Hannah Montana's really Miley Cyrus.
00:24:35Oh, duh. No shit, Sherlock.
00:24:38All I do is wear a wig and change my voice a little bit, and those dumb kids can't tell the difference.
00:24:45Then I get twice the pay and twice the merchandise.
00:24:49Just a reminder, my new CD comes out, Miley Cyrus Underage.
00:24:54It's available in stores now.
00:24:56Featuring songs from my dad, Billy Ray, only $9.95.
00:25:06Can somebody help us?
00:25:07Isn't there anybody that can help?
00:25:14Hey, Hancock.
00:25:17Hancock.
00:25:19We need help.
00:25:22Wake up, you drunk jackass.
00:25:24Get your punk ass up, fly down there and fix that shit.
00:25:29Asshole!
00:25:37Hell no.
00:25:38Big Willie's out of here.
00:25:47I need a drink.
00:25:54Holy shit!
00:25:58It's coming this way!
00:25:59What should we do?
00:26:00Come on, guys!
00:26:01Just get out of here!
00:26:02Just go!
00:26:05It's this way!
00:26:06Over here!
00:26:07Come on!
00:26:08Come on!
00:26:09Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
00:26:11What are we gonna do now?
00:26:12Baby, baby, baby, I don't know.
00:26:13Look, we'll just, uh...
00:26:14We'll wait out the storm here until it passes by.
00:26:18Hey!
00:26:19This is our hiding place.
00:26:22Get lost.
00:26:23Right, Carrie?
00:26:24Hello, lover.
00:26:28Unless you wanna faint.
00:26:29Hey, look, we don't want any trouble.
00:26:32I never back down.
00:26:35Get some.
00:26:36As you can see, I already did.
00:26:39Sorry.
00:26:40Oh, that's rough.
00:26:41I'm not some very different, you know, you're too hard to go.
00:26:44I'm not some very easy.
00:26:45This is our hiding place.
00:26:46Get lost.
00:26:47Right, Carrie?
00:26:48Hello, lover.
00:26:49Unless you wanna faint.
00:26:51Hey, look, we don't want any trouble.
00:26:55I never back down.
00:26:57Get some.
00:26:58can see I already did and so I thought could a simple New York City gal like me
00:27:08really beat the shit out of a pregnant teenager I wonder like Dolph Lundgren
00:27:13and Rocky IV I must break you
00:27:28I'm lactating
00:27:46is that your feet yeah and this is my baby's foot smell it and taste it
00:28:16suck on my placenta
00:28:19yeah oh Carrie Carrie darling are you all right
00:28:27come on ladies let's get out of here now
00:28:30what the hell's going on I don't know wake up and smell the Prius I know it's an
00:28:41inconvenient truth but it's called global warming
00:28:44no no it's not global warming
00:28:47Amy Winehouse came to me in my dreams after I fought an American gladiator I think it has
00:28:54something to do with the crystals ow come on crackhead Winehouse crystal skull you sound
00:29:00like a crazy man look it's getting late let's just stay here tonight and wait out
00:29:04the storm I'm freezing we gotta take off our clothes what our bodies will keep each other warm
00:29:14otherwise we're not gonna make it through the night
00:29:17yeah yeah yeah he's right come on
00:29:21oh I think my water's gonna break
00:29:32sorry
00:29:38look I have something to tell you I'm not really a banker I'm a jumper
00:29:47a what
00:29:47I can teleport through time and space
00:29:54I hope we stay together forever I love you
00:30:21uh later
00:30:24ha I am Prince Caspian here to save Narnia
00:30:32little help
00:30:35you guys
00:30:38he's the guy who ruined Star Wars
00:30:45what
00:30:51well we saw your dream
00:30:53oh man
00:30:57man you mess shit up with Amy
00:30:59you like a girl like that would even talk to you
00:31:01she's hot sexy
00:31:02she got a job
00:31:04pssst
00:31:05man that girl out your league
00:31:06she's not out of my league
00:31:08shit
00:31:09you gotta put up with your stank breath
00:31:11not to mention your abnormally high plumbers crack
00:31:15mmm
00:31:19let me put your shirt down
00:31:21all right
00:31:22you're right
00:31:23you're right
00:31:23I messed up with Amy
00:31:24I never should have let her go
00:31:29Jesus Christ
00:31:32that was a rum shaker
00:31:34okay here's the plan
00:31:35we gotta get the hell up out the city
00:31:37what you say
00:31:38what the hell y'all doing
00:31:41leave it for me
00:31:42keep it moving people
00:31:47nothing to see
00:31:48all the disasters have been contained
00:31:50the city is secure
00:31:51like I said keep moving
00:32:05under control
00:32:07I'm out of here
00:32:12what was that
00:32:19that was a hand
00:32:20that was a hand
00:32:21that was a hand
00:32:21hello
00:32:22hello
00:32:24well it's me
00:32:26Amy
00:32:26where are you
00:32:28I'm at work at the museum
00:32:29I was worried about the artifacts
00:32:30are you okay
00:32:32I'm scared
00:32:33it'll be alright
00:32:35I promise
00:32:35listen
00:32:35there's something
00:32:37that I need to tell you
00:32:38and I should have told you
00:32:40long before
00:32:41I was an idiot
00:32:41I love you
00:32:46what do you
00:32:53what do you say
00:32:54do you
00:32:55still love me
00:32:56say something
00:33:01say something
00:33:04you stuck up bitch
00:33:05asshole
00:33:10hello
00:33:11hello Amy
00:33:12shit
00:33:14we gotta go back
00:33:20say what
00:33:21Amy's in trouble man
00:33:22I'm going back for her
00:33:23I let her go before
00:33:24I'm not losing her again
00:33:26yo man
00:33:26now you crazy man
00:33:27it's all kind of shit
00:33:28breaking out in the city
00:33:29we don't leave right now
00:33:30we're gonna die
00:33:31something I gotta do
00:33:33you guys keep going
00:33:34nah I'm your boy man
00:33:39I'm gonna roll with you
00:33:40yeah I mean
00:33:41I'm already knocked up
00:33:43so
00:33:43what other shenanigans
00:33:45can I really get into
00:33:46I mean
00:33:47I'm more bloated
00:33:49than Vince Vaughn
00:33:50in the breakup
00:33:50or Vince Vaughn
00:33:52and Fred Claus
00:33:53or
00:33:53I guess Vince Vaughn
00:33:55in general
00:33:55so let's go
00:33:57please
00:33:59Lisa
00:34:02come on
00:34:03no guys
00:34:04come on baby
00:34:05I really have a bad feeling
00:34:06about this
00:34:07Lisa
00:34:12it killed Lisa
00:34:14Lisa
00:34:16it killed Lisa
00:34:17come on
00:34:18we gotta go
00:34:18you bastard
00:34:19come on
00:34:20I'm really sorry
00:34:29about your girlfriend
00:34:30home skillet
00:34:31lo siento
00:34:32about your main squeeze
00:34:33Kimo Sabe
00:34:34you must be bumming
00:34:35harder than Siegfried
00:34:37after Roy got attacked
00:34:38by that white bangle
00:34:39Lisa was a great girl
00:34:40Lisa who?
00:34:51oh where am I?
00:34:53oh what an enchanting place
00:34:56it smells like meat and stress
00:35:00what magical creature are you?
00:35:08oh no
00:35:10oh
00:35:11oh
00:35:13oh
00:35:13my dear friends
00:35:16you have risked me
00:35:17you put me in your
00:35:19oh
00:35:20actually you landed on my boss
00:35:27let me guess
00:35:30an evil witch
00:35:32banished you
00:35:33from your fairy tale kingdom
00:35:35no
00:35:37my silly tasty quirky tea
00:35:39actually I'm just a demented homeless chick
00:35:41who lives in the sewers
00:35:42how'd you end up there?
00:35:44drugs
00:35:45lots and lots and lots of mind altering enchanting drugs
00:35:51I don't judge
00:35:57whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
00:35:59it's dangerous out there
00:36:01you might want to come with us
00:36:03you want to live
00:36:04okay
00:36:05all right
00:36:06bye
00:36:07oh I'm going with you
00:36:08yes you are
00:36:08the natural history museum is just uptown
00:36:11let's go
00:36:12ha ha
00:36:14dreams and fairy tales
00:36:20my true love
00:36:22talking squirrels
00:36:24and magic and
00:36:25stuff
00:36:26princess
00:36:28wait
00:36:29where are you going?
00:36:30and who's that moorish ruffian?
00:36:33I'm a new boyfriend
00:36:34what'd it do?
00:36:35ha ha
00:36:36very funny dark peasant
00:36:38I'm prince Edwin
00:36:39princess
00:36:41he your pimp?
00:36:43oh good heavens yes
00:36:44um
00:36:45but that's all right
00:36:47um
00:36:47I can have a pimp and a boyfriend
00:36:49oh
00:36:50what to do?
00:36:51oh
00:36:52whichever prince can vanquish the other
00:36:56shall win my hand
00:36:57hey
00:37:01you ready to step up?
00:37:06wait
00:37:07wait
00:37:07you mean like the first step up movie
00:37:09where the tough street dancer dude
00:37:11went to the dance academy?
00:37:12nah
00:37:12I'm thinking more like step up 2
00:37:14when a tough street dancing chick
00:37:16went to the dancing academy
00:37:17mm-hmm
00:37:17I feel you
00:37:19he ain't ready for me
00:37:20Junie will
00:37:21I'm about to break him down baby
00:37:23you want some?
00:37:24well here you go
00:37:25I like the girls with them curves
00:37:27and them three hundred dollar jeans
00:37:29they look so good in my hood
00:37:31I just won't eat the things
00:37:32and I just won't eat the things
00:37:33and I just won't eat the things
00:37:34I don't like somebody
00:37:34put them in the magazines
00:37:36oh my god
00:37:37oh my god
00:37:38oh my god
00:37:39it's just my sleeve
00:37:52come on
00:37:54there must be a mirror somewhere
00:38:01aww make some room
00:38:05make some room
00:38:05make some room
00:38:06come on chubby
00:38:08I want to dance
00:38:34I'm not sure I can though
00:38:36I'm not sure
00:38:38I felt passionate
00:38:40I'm ready
00:38:44I'm ready
00:38:45I'm ready
00:38:46you gotta go
00:38:46oh yeah
00:38:50oh
00:38:51oh
00:38:53oh
00:38:55oh
00:38:57oh
00:38:59oh
00:39:01oh
00:39:03oh
00:39:04oh
00:39:05oh
00:39:06oh
00:39:06oh
00:39:36It's a twister! Run! Run!
00:39:47Is there anyone that can save us?
00:39:49We need a hero!
00:39:59I am Iron Man!
00:40:01Oh, man! That twisted sound on a cow!
00:40:07Shit, that's so messed up.
00:40:13Now you're pissing me off.
00:40:18I'm the only badass around here.
00:40:23Oh, damn! Another cow!
00:40:32What was that?
00:40:34It's not nice!
00:40:35Look at me!
00:40:37Look at this!
00:40:38It's a lobster claw!
00:40:40Whatever.
00:40:41Like, I'm carrying a lot of baggage. I didn't need that, man.
00:40:48Don't make me angry.
00:40:50You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
00:40:53There's aspects of my personality that I can't control.
00:41:01Look, we're at leasty thinking here with a cow!
00:41:18Come on!
00:41:20He has tonova. Forget aiming, we're never gonna make it to the museum.
00:41:23I know she's still alive!
00:41:25Hello? Jojo?
00:41:27J Cho? No, no, it's me!
00:41:29me will will i'm trapped an egyptian statue fell on me during the earthquake stay calm amy just
00:41:37stay calm i'm so scared i'm so scared all right amy listen to me don't panic
00:41:47i won't be there i promise
00:41:48amy amy amy oh oh guys i'm going back for her you can't save her if you're dead come on let's go
00:42:05i know you guys think i'm crazy but all these disasters have something to do with the crystal
00:42:24skull it's like tmth tm what too much to handle this why you don't just say that why everything
00:42:33a goddamn acronym with you chilly willy out ll not cool jay oh do stop all of this quarreling
00:42:41honestly now who's hungry oh delicious whatever bon appetit would you like some
00:43:03what yeah that's my kiss my phone
00:43:11just give me
00:43:17oh yeah yeah just a smidge
00:43:25did i get it did i get it all
00:43:31why would you look at me like that yeah yeah it's fine just
00:43:39just just just i get it all the time all over
00:43:48what it do
00:43:52hey y'all it's lisa mom's i gotta tell her what happened to her daughter
00:43:58i met this fine hot enchanted princess chick willing to do anything and everything i want
00:44:24oh you gotta talk to her talk to her hello oh yes he's right i will do anything truly if you've got
00:44:31five bucks or some meth i'll show you you one time i hooked up with a 100 year old wizard never again
00:44:37you're so cool we should totally hang out look we gotta get to amy at the natural history museum
00:44:44i i can't i can't see anything nina can i somebody is totally feeling me up calvin
00:44:58do it
00:45:02they're so perky they're filled with milk
00:45:06whoa whoa what the hell was that
00:45:14oh
00:45:32we wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas
00:45:38and a happy new year
00:45:53wonderful what adorable woodland creatures i'm not merry really that didn't i mean that didn't make me
00:46:00mary i don't feel
00:46:14it's cute
00:46:28it's cute
00:46:42i got
00:46:44we wish you a merry christmas
00:46:46and a pig
00:46:47we wish you a merry christmas
00:46:48of us
00:46:50mary christmas
00:46:52w
00:46:53i
00:46:54your
00:46:55your
00:46:56your
00:46:57your
00:46:58your
00:46:59your
00:47:00your
00:47:01your
00:47:02your
00:47:03your
00:47:05your
00:47:07People, the carnage, people, the carnage, dancing.
00:47:11But then I'm like, so easy.
00:47:15OK, you guys are not Alvin and the Chipmunks, are you?
00:47:18Alvin and the Chipmunks.
00:47:21I think that one's got rabies.
00:47:27Where you going, punk ass?
00:47:30Alvin!
00:47:46Get me! What the hell?
00:47:48I thought you were a fuck!
00:47:50Hmm, fatty!
00:47:55Get the wrong thing!
00:47:57You...
00:47:58I feel left out.
00:48:01No one's fighting my flesh.
00:48:03Who?
00:48:06Is that the best you got, Pussy?
00:48:11I'm such a girl.
00:48:28I'm such a girl.
00:48:58Oh, boy!
00:49:04Baby vertebrae!
00:49:06Junie!
00:49:07Have a go, man.
00:49:09Ain't nothing we can do.
00:49:10She's still alive!
00:49:11They're munching me harder
00:49:12than Rachel Ray chowing down Eggs Benedict
00:49:15on $40 a day.
00:49:17Yeah!
00:49:18Even when the bitch is dying
00:49:20she don't sit up with her witty.
00:49:22Hey, BFFs,
00:49:24what's the 411 on the 911?
00:49:26Oh, she is rather annoying.
00:49:28Oh, P-U-T-H.
00:49:30I'm so not R-O-T-F-L-O-L-ing,
00:49:33but please, K-I-T,
00:49:34before I get 187.
00:49:37Ugh.
00:49:39Vlog you later.
00:49:42Finally.
00:49:42Fine, fine.
00:49:43Ooh, that was just the amused hooch.
00:49:46Now the main course.
00:49:47Come on!
00:49:48Come on!
00:49:48Come on!
00:49:48Come on, you bitches!
00:49:52I'll get you in your ground!
00:49:55Arfie!
00:49:57Die!
00:49:58You can't breathe!
00:50:00Me!
00:50:03Shit, head!
00:50:10Is everybody okay?
00:50:13Yeah, I'm okay.
00:50:16Hey, baby.
00:50:17Your knee's all skinned, huh?
00:50:19Oh, yes.
00:50:21But that's not from the chipmunks.
00:50:24But I do have this terrible headache.
00:50:28Head on.
00:50:29Apply directly to the forehead.
00:50:31Head on.
00:50:31Apply directly to the forehead.
00:50:33Head on.
00:50:34Apply directly to the forehead.
00:50:36Head on.
00:50:36Apply directly to the forehead.
00:50:38I-I just-I just did.
00:50:40I said head on, bitch.
00:50:41Apply directly to the forehead.
00:50:43Whatever.
00:50:43Don't cop an attitude, slut.
00:50:45I said apply head on directly to your goddamn forehead.
00:50:49Okay, okay.
00:50:51Happy?
00:50:52Look, you little white trash piece of shit.
00:50:54Head on, mother f***er.
00:50:55Apply directly to your mother f***er forehead.
00:50:58Okay.
00:50:59There.
00:51:00It's all over.
00:51:01Head on.
00:51:02Face on.
00:51:03Nose on.
00:51:04Eyes on.
00:51:05Oh, that's great.
00:51:09My headache is gone, but I still have that dreadful yeast infection.
00:51:15Sourdough, anyone?
00:51:17I could have did without that.
00:51:19Let's get to the museum.
00:51:19Okay.
00:51:25Move it!
00:51:27I'm the one!
00:51:27I'm the one!
00:51:28Excuse me, sir.
00:51:38What's going on?
00:51:39Where's everybody going?
00:51:40It's a mass evacuation.
00:51:42Everyone has to make a city right now.
00:51:44Paul, are you leaving too, Batman?
00:51:46Shit.
00:51:46Yes.
00:51:47Yeah.
00:51:47I'm leaving.
00:51:48Okay?
00:51:48I don't want to die.
00:51:49Not on my schedule today.
00:51:51Not on my to-do list.
00:51:52It wasn't wake up, make breakfast, jog, science experiment, die.
00:51:55Not on it.
00:51:56Not on it.
00:51:57Okay?
00:51:57Are we done?
00:51:58All right.
00:52:01Anyone who stays in town after a night is going to be buried in rubble.
00:52:04I hate rubble.
00:52:05I've got to get to the Natural History Museum to my girl, Amy.
00:52:08She's trapped.
00:52:09Son, if you go back after your girlfriend, you have zero chance of survival.
00:52:12I'll take those odds.
00:52:15Look, the evacuation bus is leaving the city hall at 2,100 hours.
00:52:19Twenty-one?
00:52:19Honey, hold on.
00:52:20What is...
00:52:21That's, uh, five, carry the six.
00:52:239 p.m.
00:52:24I'm going to save you your crazy math.
00:52:25It's 9 p.m.
00:52:26It starts at noon, and then nine hours later.
00:52:29That's 9.
00:52:30That's the time you need to get on those evacuation buses, or you're dead.
00:52:34You're dead?
00:52:35Come on.
00:52:37It's already 5.30.
00:52:38Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:52:39Huh?
00:52:39Say again?
00:52:405.30?
00:52:41Oh, Jesus.
00:52:42Oh.
00:52:43Oh, God.
00:52:44I wasted the whole day.
00:52:45I was...
00:52:45I was on Amazon looking at the stuff.
00:52:48Shit!
00:52:48Why?
00:52:49Why would I go Christmas shopping today?
00:52:52Why would I pick today?
00:52:53Son of a bitch.
00:52:54Okay.
00:52:55Plan B.
00:53:00Hi.
00:53:01Hi.
00:53:01I'm Batman.
00:53:02I'm a ginger princess.
00:53:04True story.
00:53:06I had a woman one time tell me I was the top four best lovers she's ever had.
00:53:11That's a true story.
00:53:13And she had been around the block.
00:53:17But you want to watch me play with you.
00:53:21Whoa!
00:53:22Come on!
00:53:23Come on, let's go.
00:53:39Break yourself, fool.
00:53:40You best be getting out of that Mach 5 or I'm going to toe-tack your ass.
00:53:43You know, they say that the first kill is supposed to be quite difficult.
00:53:56But I find it easy.
00:53:57In fact, rather fun.
00:54:00Take it!
00:54:02Do it!
00:54:08No, Mom!
00:54:09No, I!
00:54:10I didn't have a mother!
00:54:13I!
00:54:16No!
00:54:16I!
00:54:17No!
00:54:18No!
00:54:19No!
00:54:20No!
00:54:21No!
00:54:22No!
00:54:27What?
00:54:28We just playing with my monkey.
00:54:30He he!
00:54:31Ow!
00:54:32Let's go!
00:54:34Oh, my!
00:54:36Woo!
00:54:38Woo!
00:54:39Woo!
00:54:40Woo!
00:54:41Woo!
00:54:42Woo!
00:54:43Woo!
00:54:52Come on!
00:54:55Run!
00:54:58Yeah, keep going!
00:55:01These glass slippers are awfully hard to run in.
00:55:06Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
00:55:10You came back for me.
00:55:11I love you, Amy.
00:55:12I know.
00:55:13I love you, Amy.
00:55:14I know.
00:55:15I love you, too.
00:55:16Get this freaking spear out of my shoulder.
00:55:17Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! It hurts.
00:55:19Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. She's, uh, she's pinned through to the floor, guys. This isn't gonna be easy. Calvin, I'm gonna need your help. Right.
00:55:36Ugh!
00:55:38Ugh!
00:55:39Ugh!
00:55:40Ugh!
00:55:41Ugh!
00:55:42Ugh!
00:55:43What the hell was that for?
00:55:44I was just trying to knock her unconscious, but she wouldn't feel any pain.
00:55:46Good thinking.
00:55:47Baby, this is for your own good.
00:55:52Man, you hit like a pussy. Let me try.
00:56:07Ooh!
00:56:08Oh!
00:56:09Oh!
00:56:10Oh!
00:56:11Oh!
00:56:12Oh!
00:56:13Oh!
00:56:14Oh!
00:56:15Oh!
00:56:16Oh!
00:56:17Oh!
00:56:18Oh!
00:56:19Oh!
00:56:20Oh!
00:56:21Oh!
00:56:22Oh!
00:56:23Oh!
00:56:24Oh!
00:56:25Oh!
00:56:26It's not working.
00:56:27Let's just pull it out of her.
00:56:28Oh!
00:56:29Oh!
00:56:30On the count of three.
00:56:31One, two, three.
00:56:32Oh!
00:56:33Good job!
00:56:34Oh!
00:56:35Oh!
00:56:36Oh!
00:56:37Oh!
00:56:38Oh!
00:56:39Oh!
00:56:40Oh!
00:56:41Oh!
00:56:42Oh!
00:56:43Oh!
00:56:44Oh!
00:56:45Oh!
00:56:46We gotta get out of here.
00:56:47This place gonna collapse on us.
00:56:49No.
00:56:50Not until we return.
00:56:53This.
00:56:55Back to the altar.
00:56:57A magic bong!
00:56:59A crystal skull.
00:57:00One from my dreams.
00:57:02Now legend has it that if the crystal skull is missing from the altar, it's the end of
00:57:07the world.
00:57:08Earthquakes.
00:57:09Asteroids.
00:57:10Return of the Spice Girls.
00:57:11Yes!
00:57:14The apocalypse.
00:57:15And you know all this shit because you're the dulcet at the museum.
00:57:18No, because that's why Nana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull.
00:57:20Do you know what this means?
00:57:22Me dreaming about the skull and you knowing about the skull.
00:57:25That we were destined to be together.
00:57:26No.
00:57:27That we both really love skulls.
00:57:29But that too.
00:57:30Will, we gotta get out of here.
00:57:34It's almost nine o'clock.
00:57:35If we don't make it to them evacuation buses, we're gonna die.
00:57:40Go, Calvin.
00:57:42I'm staying here with Amy.
00:57:43We're returning the skull to the altar.
00:57:46See ya.
00:57:47Nice meeting you.
00:57:48Let's find that altar.
00:58:18What's happening?
00:58:19Everything in the museum is coming to life!
00:58:25Help!
00:58:26No!
00:58:28Put it, put it!
00:58:30Yes!
00:58:35Let's get the hell up out of here!
00:58:37Cracks are great!
00:58:38Go!
00:58:39Yeah!
00:58:40The altar to the crystal skull is this way.
00:58:43Okay.
00:58:51I am Beowulf!
00:58:57Hello.
00:58:58What?
00:59:01What?
00:59:03I am Beowulf!
00:59:04Um...
00:59:06Can you put some clothes on?
00:59:07I am Beowulf!
00:59:08I fucked about Sigrendil with no armor.
00:59:10And that is how I will fight you.
00:59:13Okay.
00:59:14You fight naked?
00:59:17I am Beowulf!
00:59:18I am Beowulf!
00:59:19It's kinda gay, bro.
00:59:21It's not...
00:59:22It's not gay.
00:59:23No, I'm sorry.
00:59:24It's gay.
00:59:25It's not gay.
00:59:26It's not.
00:59:27It's how we do it in 507.
00:59:30Dick.
00:59:31Ask anybody.
00:59:32Alright, I will.
00:59:33I'll ask my friend Paul.
00:59:34We're going boating tomorrow.
00:59:35I'll ask him.
00:59:36When we're out in the seas.
00:59:38Paul.
00:59:39My friend Paul.
00:59:40He's my partner.
00:59:42He's my friend.
00:59:43We're also partners.
00:59:45Life partner?
00:59:46No!
00:59:47We opened an antique shop together.
00:59:50That's gay.
00:59:51Why is that gay?
00:59:52Why are antiques gay?
00:59:53Because I like old things that are kitschy.
00:59:58Oh, Beowulf!
00:59:59Excuse me.
01:00:00Are you ready to get your ass kicked?
01:00:09Oh, hell no, Kung Fu Panda.
01:00:13You shouldn't have done that.
01:00:17Get ready to feel the thunder!
01:00:21Get ready to feel the thunder!
01:00:24Here ya!
01:00:25Ha!
01:00:26Yah!
01:00:27Wah!
01:00:28Wah!
01:00:29Wah!
01:00:30Wah!
01:00:31Wah!
01:00:32Wah!
01:00:33Wah!
01:00:34Wah!
01:00:35Wah!
01:00:36Wah!
01:00:37Wah!
01:00:38Wah!
01:00:39Wah!
01:00:40Wah!
01:00:41Wah!
01:00:42Wah!
01:00:43Wah!
01:00:44Wah!
01:00:45Wah!
01:00:46Wah!
01:00:47Wah!
01:00:48Wah!
01:00:49Wah!
01:00:51Your girl looks familiar, man.
01:00:53Last year, I paid her 20 bucks for 20 minutes.
01:00:57If you know what I mean.
01:00:59It's true.
01:01:00That's it!
01:01:03That's it!
01:01:04Yeah!
01:01:05Ah!
01:01:07Hot!
01:01:08Ah!
01:01:09Ah!
01:01:10Ah!
01:01:11Ah!
01:01:12Ah!
01:01:13Ah!
01:01:14Ah!
01:01:15Ah!
01:01:16Ah!
01:01:17Oh!
01:01:18Oh!
01:01:19Ah!
01:01:20Ah!
01:01:21Ah!
01:01:22Oh!
01:01:23Oh!
01:01:24Ah!
01:01:25Oh!
01:01:26Oh
01:01:56Shit!
01:02:02Hooray!
01:02:04Oh, wonderful job!
01:02:08My dear prince, you have defended my honor.
01:02:14Kiss me, baby.
01:02:26You a dude?
01:02:39I'm a tranny. I thought you knew.
01:02:53Get him, Will!
01:02:56I am Beowulf.
01:02:57Yeah, I know already.
01:02:58Surrender.
01:02:59So we can go get brunch.
01:03:01And I got us tickets to Jersey Boys.
01:03:03No!
01:03:04No!
01:03:14We can go back to my place.
01:03:16Ikevo dancing with the stars.
01:03:18Result show.
01:03:19No!
01:03:20Beowulf!
01:03:23I want to take you on Rosie O'Donnell's cruise.
01:03:26Just me.
01:03:27You.
01:03:28And my dear friend, George Takei.
01:03:29Screw this.
01:03:31Ah!
01:03:32Fire me off!
01:03:33Ah!
01:03:34Fire me off!
01:03:35Ow!
01:03:36Oh!
01:03:37Hurry!
01:03:38We're running out of time!
01:03:39Ah!
01:03:40Oh!
01:03:41Hurry!
01:03:42We're running out of time!
01:03:43using her rooster.
01:03:44We're running out of time!
01:03:45We're running out of time!
01:03:46Theyamos!
01:03:47Steven!
01:03:48We're running out of time!
01:03:50Hell!
01:03:51He했습니다.
01:03:52Air received mail!
01:03:53The Beast.
01:03:54You Brigadier!
01:03:55No!
01:03:56Adults!
01:03:57Are you there?
01:03:58I won't be a Earl point.
01:04:00It's a dissent.
01:04:01Indiana Jones?
01:04:15Indiana, my ass.
01:04:19I'll take it from here.
01:04:28Thanks, son.
01:04:29That's right.
01:04:31I'm your father.
01:04:34You're my dad?
01:04:35Your mom got around.
01:04:37A real slut, actually.
01:04:39Right.
01:04:40I get it.
01:04:41I'm sorry I walked out on you and your mother,
01:04:43but I got an adventurous spirit
01:04:45and a hot-ass whore in every major city.
01:04:48Ooh, what do we have here?
01:04:50Is this your girl?
01:04:52Yeah.
01:04:53What a nice young lady.
01:04:55And you got some shape on you.
01:04:57Yeah, baby, you so nice.
01:04:59Oh, and you got some ass on you.
01:05:02Dad.
01:05:03Oh, so beautiful.
01:05:05Dad.
01:05:06If a nice ass made a hamburger,
01:05:07maybe you have a whopper.
01:05:09Oh, shit.
01:05:10Dad.
01:05:11What do you do, Pilates?
01:05:12I'm just asking.
01:05:13Just asking.
01:05:14Just asking.
01:05:18Don't do what your old man did.
01:05:19Settle down.
01:05:20There is no cure for herpes, and I bullshit you not.
01:05:25This looks easy.
01:05:26Not as easy as it used to be.
01:05:28Oh, shit, my hip.
01:05:30Oh, shit, my hip.
01:05:43Oh, shit, my hip.
01:05:47This looks easy.
01:05:49Not as easy as it used to be.
01:05:55Shit, my hip.
01:06:01You know I gotta get my hustle on.
01:06:03Bye now.
01:06:05Whoa! I'm gonna make it!
01:06:07I'm gonna make it!
01:06:16Whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:06:37Why don't you just walk to the altar?
01:06:45It's like...
01:06:4710 feet away.
01:06:49Silly girl.
01:06:57No, don't cry.
01:06:59I'll be fine.
01:07:07I know!
01:07:11Oh no!
01:07:25Oh no!
01:07:27Aaahhh!
01:07:30Alyssa Malanike, Alyssa Malanike, I am the guru Shittka, and we are here today to bring
01:07:49together Amy and Will in a union of peace and happiness, and to point out, gee, Amy, you
01:07:57are totally hot, dear. Amy, do you take Bill to be your peanut butter and jelly that goes
01:08:05into your love belly? I do. And Will, do you take Amy to be your donut of love? I do. Well,
01:08:17in that case, give it a pound, lock it down, break the pickle, now tickle my
01:08:26dickens.
01:08:27I love you, Will. I love you too, Amy. But there's something I should tell you.
01:08:41What is it?
01:08:42I'm dating Matt Damon. You're dating Matt Damon? Well, I'm dating Hannah Montana. She's dating
01:08:57Hannah Montana. She's dating Hannah Montana. Backstage in my couch, it throws me in my
01:09:04bare bed. Left to school, left my locker in the car, give it up. I'm also dating the flavor.
01:09:10Yeah, boy, she's dating Flavor Flavor. You know what time it is because I'm dating Judy too.
01:09:17Yeah, I know, but it's true. Flavor Flavy dates me too. And I swap with Calvin and he swaps
01:09:23with that dude. And we're all dating Hellboy. Oh yeah, they're dating Hellboy and I'm dating
01:09:31the Hulk.
01:09:32When I get really mad, I start dating Iron Man. A most uncomfortable shrew, but I date the
01:09:38princess too.
01:09:39Ding dong!
01:09:40Who's that ringing on my bell? The chick who's dating Iron Man. That's I-R-O-N-M-A-N.
01:09:47And I like his teen can. That's really great, cause I'm dating Wolf.
01:09:52Ain't that a pity cause I'm dating those brawls from Sex and the City. A-R-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O.
01:10:01He dates the Sex and the City gals. And so I wondered, would Wolf really get jealous if
01:10:06he knew we were dating that guy with the big utility belt?
01:10:11They're all dating Bat-Man, Matt White Manor. In the Bat Bob, here Butler, Alfred is our
01:10:15I'm actually gonna need this holy bathhouse
01:10:18I'm also dating Amy Winehouse
01:10:19He's dating Amy Winehouse
01:10:22Now I'm a down low, low, low
01:10:26And I'm dating Jessica Simpson
01:10:28Cause it's how I roll, roll, roll
01:10:32He's dating Jessica Simpson, oh yeah
01:10:36And I think I might have dated that whole next session
01:10:41Everyone dates me and I think I'm back to see
01:10:44And the mess you can do with the tragic hairdo
01:10:47Call it Heads, I'm dating JT
01:10:50I'm dating that male model cause it's so fun
01:10:53And I lie to get up in them gout and cleanse
01:10:57It's true, JT dates me once again
01:11:00But I'm also dating Prince Cappian
01:11:03I am handsome and I am cool
01:11:06That's why this Prince dates the kids from high school
01:11:10Let's hear it, now the time's party
01:11:16And I hear ya
01:11:17You know what time, you know how
01:11:18No, what time is it?
01:11:19It's every day
01:11:20Date me, date me, date me
01:11:23He dates all us kids in high school
01:11:25After the bleachers in the showers
01:11:28While we're changing forging class
01:11:29I'm dating Obama
01:11:30I'm dating Obama
01:11:31I'm dating Indiana's ass
01:11:34I'm dating Indiana and I'm dating Hong Kong
01:11:37He's dating Hancock and I'm dating Bayou Wolf
01:11:41You know you like it
01:11:43And I'm dating Kung Fu Panda
01:11:44And I'm dating Michael Jackson
01:11:47Don't joke through
01:11:49I love my inter-positions
01:11:51A life-e-day
01:11:52Earth- cristel
01:11:53Time to fail
01:11:54Blind �' Cin בש
01:11:56I ain't moved now
01:11:56You know you can get just
01:11:57And you say
01:11:59Eee-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear-ear
01:12:00Oh, I'm dating K.F.O.S.B.O.S.A.A.
01:12:02Noanut
01:12:03A5-A-yo
01:12:03What's-let-go-woll-ye-re quyền
01:12:04Your gasp
01:12:07K.F.O.S.B.O.S
01:12:08A 1
01:12:09Perfect new day
01:12:09It's going bright and sunny
01:12:12We're spending my hair
01:12:13Seven apps
01:12:13My stuff
01:12:14I自己
01:12:14I got my girls
01:12:15Got my hem
01:12:16And they hold me down
01:12:17Feels good to me
01:12:19Cracking like it's supposed to
01:12:22Then don't be shy and grab the finest
01:12:24Then you close to
01:12:25You wanna get it cracking like it's supposed to
01:12:28Then don't be shy and grab the finest
01:12:30Then you close to
01:12:31My head's heavy on
01:12:34See the way on
01:12:35It's a person now
01:12:37It's a person now
01:12:39Dance, dance, dance, dance
01:12:42Give me here we go
01:12:43Give me here we go
01:12:45So please don't ask me why
01:12:46Just put your hands up high and see
01:12:48I'm gonna get it tonight
01:12:50Dance, dance, dance, dance
01:12:54Give me here we go
01:12:57Give me here we go
01:13:00All right, everybody's moving up my body
01:13:04We over here tripping six
01:13:06We're out of my eyes
01:13:07We still got them breaking news
01:13:09I'm like a vacay
01:13:10Back in the back of the sunshine
01:13:12We'll be right back to the sunshine
01:13:13We're out of my eyes
01:13:15We're out of my eyes
01:13:16I can feel it
01:13:16The vibe I feel is insane
01:13:18Bikinis and balls
01:13:19You're all still doing my thing
01:13:21I'm flopping down the coast
01:13:22Feel the wind low on through my head
01:13:24And maybe a little bit of skinny
01:13:25And it removes the underwear
01:13:26Cracking like it's supposed to
01:13:28Then don't be shy and grab the finest
01:13:30Then you close to
01:13:31So if you wanna get it cracking like it's supposed to
01:13:35Then don't be shy and grab the finest
01:13:36Then you close to
01:13:38That was Jay.
01:13:39Jay.
01:13:39Live in stereo.
01:13:41See the radio.
01:13:42This is the scenario.
01:13:44Baby, what's the video?
01:13:46Dance, dance, dance, dance.
01:13:49Here we go.
01:13:50Here we go.
01:13:51So please don't ask me why.
01:13:53Just put your hands up high.
01:13:54See if you can touch the sky.
01:13:56Why do you not?
01:13:58Dance, dance, dance, dance.
01:14:01Here we go.
01:14:02Here we go.
01:14:08Now here I go again looking for love.
01:14:12I should have learned my lesson messing with them girls in the club.
01:14:16You just got woofed.
01:14:19That's a little move I learned.
01:14:20In jail.
01:14:22Yeah, I was in jail.
01:14:23Woof wrote some bad checks in 95.
01:14:26Left foot yellow.
01:14:29Oh, that's right.
01:14:30I fall.
01:14:31I obey, Woof.
01:14:32I'm the strongest man in seven kingdoms.
01:14:38Let myself go a little bit.
01:14:40Got a little bit flabby.
01:14:42I went on that zone diet.
01:14:44I would eat like a whole week's worth of meals in like two days.
01:14:49And then be back to square one.
01:14:51If you've got crack anywhere, I don't care where it come from.
01:14:55If it's in your crack.
01:14:56If it cracks in your crack.
01:14:59If it cracks in your crack.
01:15:02Oh, that's rich.
01:15:03You ever been with the bald doctor before?
01:15:05No.
01:15:06We get better.
01:15:06Oh.
01:15:07Do I look like Harrison Ford to you?
01:15:11He your pimp?
01:15:12Oh, good heavens, yes.
01:15:14Um.
01:15:17Oh, what to do?
01:15:18Yes, I've got it.
01:15:19You can be my prince of light and you can be my prince of darkness.
01:15:24No?
01:15:24No.
01:15:25Okay.
01:15:26Left foot yellow.
01:15:29I got us tickets to Madonna's reunion show.
01:15:32And then I want to kiss your sweet face.
01:15:34No.
01:15:34Don't hit her so hard.
01:15:40Just hit her really lightly.
01:15:44Good enough for me.
01:15:47Don't break fun.
01:15:47Oh, it's my Blake incarcerated.
01:15:53Hi, Blakey.
01:15:55How are you?
01:15:56I love you.
01:15:57He did not kill those three prostitutes.
01:16:00They were already dead when he got to them.
01:16:01I'm swearing to God.
01:16:04Look, I have to tell you something.
01:16:05I'm not really a banker.
01:16:07That's my voice cracks.
01:16:08Look, I have something to tell you.
01:16:10I'm not really a banker.
01:16:12I'm a jumper.
01:16:14I can teleport through space and time.
01:16:20What did it again?
01:16:21Time and space.
01:16:23Look, I have something to tell you.
01:16:24I'm not really a banker.
01:16:26I'm a jumper.
01:16:27I can teleport through time.
01:16:35Baby, help!
01:16:39Hey, is my singing stick on?
01:16:42Is it on?
01:16:43Is the singing stick on?
01:16:46Ho, ho, ho, ho!
01:16:48You know, everyone wants to know where I got my...
01:16:51It all started one night when I was crying in my truck.
01:16:55Yeah!
01:16:56I ain't crying no more, man.
01:16:5814th highest rated show on TV.
01:17:00Got a timeshare in Kiweth.
01:17:03Oh, baby, I make shoes.
01:17:08And these are my rules.
01:17:11I want you to see me in my birthday suit.
01:17:14I want you to watch me take a bubble bath.
01:17:16I'm going to play around with the bubbles
01:17:17and make a little beard.
01:17:19Pretend I'm Santa Claus.
01:17:20Oh, son, I'm loving this.
01:17:24Oh.
01:17:37Hooray!
01:17:38Wonderful!
01:17:39Woo!
01:17:39I'd like to get you naked and analyze it.
01:17:42Oh!
01:17:44You like this shirt?
01:17:46I totally made it myself.
01:17:48Well, it was because I ripped it.
01:17:49Well, actually, it's because I burned it.
01:17:50I was leaning over my birthday candles
01:17:52and I was going to blow them out and make a wish
01:17:53and then send my shirt caught on fire.
01:17:56Son, if you go back for your girlfriend,
01:17:57you have zero chance of survival.
01:17:59I'll take your calls.
01:18:02You hear that train?
01:18:03What?
01:18:04Son, if you go back for your girlfriend,
01:18:08you have zero chance of survival.
01:18:12You hear that train again?
01:18:13You heard that again?
01:18:14That second train?
01:18:16Son, if you go back for your girlfriend,
01:18:17you have zero chance of survival.
01:18:21Train.
01:18:21I know it's coming, too.
01:18:23Yeah.
01:18:23No, no.
01:18:26Take a...
01:18:26Mm.
01:18:27Mm.
01:18:30Couple more?
01:18:31You're hot.
01:18:32Are those things real?
01:18:33Oh!
01:18:35Hey, everybody.
01:18:37Be sure to remember to always use proactive.
01:18:38It helped me.
01:18:40It helped my skin.
01:18:43It helped my skin.
01:18:44It helped my skin.
01:18:46It helped my skin.
01:18:49Baby.
01:18:50It helped me.
01:18:51I used to have it all around this part of my face
01:18:53and all around my talking hole.
01:18:56And then out of this squishy part right here,
01:18:59I had it everywhere.
01:19:00And now it's gone.
01:19:03Oh, this is my jam.
01:19:06Oh, okay.
01:19:07We're doing it.
01:19:10Now my mic be small and you might be big.
01:19:12There's nothing at all about how I live.
01:19:14Cause all the ladies go crazy in this, I know.
01:19:17You can blast, ride, dance and still be slow.
01:19:19You can have a lot, but still mean a little.
01:19:22Can't be stopped, hearts big in the middle.
01:19:24Play it in the game, it'll make a name.
01:19:26Don't mind me, I'm just doing my thing.
01:19:29Now ain't no car gonna turn me into no fake superstar.
01:19:32I just wanna have friends, you know, chilling in the cut.
01:19:35Couple nice girls from all around the world.
01:19:37With an onion for a point.
01:19:38Just the way I feel, don't judge me.
01:19:40Every book and what the cover of it happens to be.
01:19:43Mama says stand tall.
01:19:44Never let them see you sweat.
01:19:45Get it when you fall.
01:19:46And always get your feet wet.
01:19:48Words to think about and live by.
01:19:50Spend a few dollars, pop collars when I get fly.
01:19:53Small things have big surprises.
01:19:55Play it, ask the girl how she realizes.
01:19:57And I might be small and you might be big.
01:19:59There's nothing at all about how I live.
01:20:01Cause all the ladies go crazy in this, I know.
01:20:04You can blast right past and still be slow.
01:20:06You can have a lot, but still mean a little.
01:20:09Can't be stopped, hearts big in the middle.
01:20:11Play it in the game, it'll make a name.
01:20:13Don't mind me, I'm just doing my thing.
01:20:16From the street to the club to the crib.
01:20:18I do it how I do it.
01:20:19You won't notice what the difference is.
01:20:21Bigger don't always mean better.
01:20:22I get a little lower so that thing get wetter.
01:20:25Hey, that's a little too much for your ears to hear.
01:20:28I look quiet, but I'm loud and clear.
01:20:30You can do what you want with the information.
01:20:32But there ain't nothing small in my presentation.
01:20:34Takes a lot of hard work to be so smooth.
01:20:37And there's a whole lot of jerks who think they cool.
01:20:39But they can learn what they don't get.
01:20:41I know one thing and this is it.
01:20:44Now I might be small and you might be big.
01:20:46There's nothing at all about how I live.
01:20:48Cause all the ladies go crazy in this, I know.
01:20:51You can blast right past and still be slow.
01:20:53You can have a lot, but still mean a little.
01:20:55Can't reach that talk's big in the middle.
01:20:58I play it in the game, here to make a name.
01:21:00Don't mind me, I'm just doing my thing.
01:21:02Don't mind me, it's doing my thing.
01:21:03Don't mind me, my thing.
01:21:03Don't mind me, I need them.
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