Late Night with MIKE TYSON (Comedy Skit)

The Guru's BOXING ARCHIVE

Comedy Skit features MIKE TYSON as the new replacement for retired Johnny Carson

Transcript

00:00King of Late Night is hanging it up, so make way for the new contender to the throne.

00:05Welcome to Late Night with my starring Mike Tyson, along with the world's most buck-to-the-ripping man, the Spinks Brothers.

00:15Now, here's a man who's always given 100% of what he's done. Let's give a big hamburgeristic applause for Iron Man!

00:30Oh, what a crowd! You guys are so ludicrous in that amesthetic. Oh, what's going on in the news?

00:45You hear about the boxer running around molesting all the beauty contestants? Who does he think he is? A Supreme Court judge?

00:52Hello! Oh, boy! But what about the boxer who's up for the fraternity suit? I mean, the kid looks nothing like him.

01:04He's short, ugly, blinded, he had gold teeth. Hey, who's writing this stuff?

01:13Hey, it's so funny. Hey, I better introduce my father before I hurt somebody.

01:18You know these people all over there? These are the people who have to stand by idly while I tongue-kiss their girlfriends and mothers.

01:24Look at this!

01:27Oh! Hey, folks, these are not jokes. These are things that make you say,

01:33Robin, you bitch.

01:39Oh, we've got a great show. We've got a great show. A lot of fun guest night.

01:43So let's get started. Sphinx Brothers, take us home, Michael, with some of that.

01:48I got hit once and laid down and collected Czech funk like a coward you are!

02:00You'll also get to enjoy Michael's own special comedy dance.

02:04Please welcome the fabulistic Car Wreck the Magnificent.

02:07Car Wreck, I hold in my hand an envelope that has been Panasonic-ly sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Jerry Cooney's porch since noon today.

02:23But you, in your uncongrippable way, will ascertain the answer to the questions without even seeing it.

02:31That is correct, Larry Holmes jockstrap press.

02:38Fee-fi, fee-fi, fee-fi-fo.

02:43Fee-fi, fee-fi, fee-fi-fo.

02:48What is my telephone number?

02:53Late Night with Mike is also informative.

02:56Well, let's get to the top five, shall we?

02:57All right.

02:58Now, these are the top five questions that people ask me the most.

03:02Number five.

03:04Would you please step out the car, sir?

03:07Number four.

03:08Wanna take your hand off my ass?

03:11Number three.

03:13Wanna defend it, please, my eyes?

03:16Number two.

03:18You wanna take your hand off my ass?

03:20And the number one question that people always ask you most is...

03:25Did you do the voice between you, Mike?

03:26Okay.

03:28Plus, you'll get to hear some great conversation with guest stars like Sinbad.

03:32Don't ever tell a woman she got a big butt, man.

03:35No one got a big butt, man.

03:37And she asked me, Sinbad, is my butt big?

03:39I said, no, baby, your butt ain't big.

03:41Butt big as New Jersey, man.

03:42You can show the 70-millimeter version of Crow Wallace on a booty, man.

03:43And women got big booty.

03:44They eat less, but the booty's still big.

03:45They eat little, but the butt's just raw, man.

03:46You walk down the street like this here.

03:47I gotta act like the butt is big, but it's still big, but it's little.

03:48And it's in my mind.

03:49Not in our mind.

03:50Y'all don't think that's funny?

03:51So, what are you talking about?

03:52I mean, where are your jokes at?

03:53I like going with a big butt.

03:54What's wrong with a big butt?

03:55You're not making any sense.

03:56You're making any sense.

03:57Just get off my shirt.

03:58I mean, get out of here.

03:59No joke, man.

04:00This rice is a nice big butt.

04:01You'll also see a lot of people who have a big butt.

04:02They eat less, but the booty.

04:03They eat less, but the booty's still big.

04:04They eat less, but the booty's still big.

04:05They eat less, but the booty's still big.

04:06They eat little, but the butt's just raw, man.

04:07You walk down the street like this here.

04:08I gotta act like the butt is big, but it's still big, but it's little.

04:09I like going with a big butt.

04:10What's wrong with a big butt?

04:11You're not making any sense.

04:13You're making any sense.

04:14Just get off my shirt.

04:16Get out of here.

04:17Don't joke, man.

04:18This rice is a nice big butt.

04:20You'll also see another side of Mike when he's joined by Joan Embree from the San Diego Zoo.

04:26This is the rare South American talking cockatoo.

04:30The last of its breed.

04:32How are you doing, cute little birdie?

04:35Polly want a cracker.

04:37Polly want a cracker.

04:38Polly want a cracker.

04:39Polly want a cracker.

04:40What?

04:41He always wants something.

04:42He always wants something.

04:43We haven't even slept together yet.

04:44You want something.

04:45You don't even have a nice butt.

04:47Get off my shirt.

04:52Late Night with Mike.

04:54Brought to you by Brozac, the sedative of champions.

05:02You want a cracker.

05:03By the way.

05:05In the cage.

05:06We've got a cracker.

05:07In the cage.

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