- 4 months ago
Convinced she's dying, a pretty high school senior sets out to lose her virginity before it's too late, and encounters a boy from her school on the same mission.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Today is the first day of school.
00:00:16Mom says senior year is magic because that's the year she met Dad.
00:00:20I don't expect to meet the man I'll marry or anything.
00:00:24But it'd be nice to be swept off my feet, consumed by passion.
00:00:30The girls get all the action.
00:00:33They like to get around.
00:00:35They got a communication.
00:00:38I'm on the outside.
00:00:41I hear the things they say.
00:00:43It's just conversation.
00:00:46I don't want to talk about it.
00:00:49I don't want to hear about it.
00:00:52I just want to find out for myself.
00:00:55I want experience.
00:00:58My own experience.
00:01:01I want experience.
00:01:04My own experience.
00:01:07Most boys are telling stories about the things they do.
00:01:16They want a replication.
00:01:19Another notch on their belts tonight.
00:01:22That's all they're living for.
00:01:25It's just a frustration.
00:01:27I don't want to talk about it.
00:01:30I don't want to hear about it.
00:01:33I just want to find out for myself.
00:01:36I want experience.
00:01:38I want experience.
00:01:40I want experience.
00:01:42I want experience.
00:01:44I want experience.
00:01:45I want experience.
00:01:46I want experience.
00:01:47I want experience.
00:01:48I want experience.
00:01:49I want experience.
00:01:51I want experience.
00:01:52Well, don't be late to your first class.
00:01:53I won't.
00:01:54Help me at three.
00:01:55Hi.
00:01:56Hey, Melanie.
00:01:57How are you doing?
00:01:58I'm so nervous.
00:01:59I'm so nervous.
00:02:09Listen, you've got to get your own wheels, man.
00:02:12You're not going to snag any guys if your dad drives to school every day.
00:02:15That's all there is to it.
00:02:18Shit!
00:02:19Shit, man!
00:02:21Hi, boy!
00:02:29This is our senior year, Les. It's time to cultivate a new image.
00:02:33I was just reading that preppies are out and yuppies, young urban professionals, are in.
00:02:38Maybe we should go on the pill.
00:02:40It's Douglas. Douglas Daldorf.
00:02:45Les, there's Max.
00:02:46Oh, what a species.
00:02:48Oh, is that Hindenburg?
00:02:52Check it out.
00:02:53Mel, you don't even have to. I mean, do you remember to take your vitamins?
00:02:57Can you imagine having to take the pill, too?
00:02:59Oh, really?
00:03:07Here, don't forget your retainer.
00:03:09Thanks.
00:03:12Bye, Daddy. You don't have to pick me up tonight.
00:03:16You want some bubble gum?
00:03:17Oh, yeah. Thanks.
00:03:22She made an appointment with her guy?
00:03:24Why did you get the pill?
00:03:25At least your mom talks about it.
00:03:26My mom just left a book about the birds and the bees on my bed.
00:03:30She must be new.
00:03:32I already hate her for guys.
00:03:35Yeah, there is something strange about that girl.
00:03:38Hey, man, it's not like you're unique. A lot of guys our age haven't been laid.
00:03:47Look, I gave her a couple of these and she raped me right in the john, huh?
00:03:50That guy looks 14, Max.
00:03:53Yeah, he's probably hallucinating.
00:03:55Everybody's getting it with me.
00:04:04She's got to be new. I couldn't miss those.
00:04:07So, did you get laid this summer?
00:04:18Max, how do you feel, buddy?
00:04:20Good, good.
00:04:22Hey, Max, who's the shadow?
00:04:23Oh, this is Farouk. He's staying at my place this semester.
00:04:26No shit! All right!
00:04:28Give me five, man.
00:04:29All right, I give you five dollars.
00:04:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:04:35Give me five, that's a greeting.
00:04:37Yeah, see, it's like this, yeah.
00:04:42I get you now, Max.
00:04:45Come on, give to me five.
00:04:49You, then, you give to me five, all right?
00:04:55It's very funny to be here in the United States.
00:04:58Yeah, right.
00:04:59You catch a new principal?
00:05:08I heard he used to run a military school.
00:05:10You're a jarhead.
00:05:11More like a potato head to me.
00:05:14Hey, Max, how's it going?
00:05:16Good, Carl.
00:05:17So, you like America, huh?
00:05:21Attention.
00:05:23Attention, please.
00:05:24Hey, over there!
00:05:26I'm sure the bell is wrong.
00:05:28This semester, we will be studying animal reproduction.
00:05:35We will start with single-cell organisms, and we will progress through the animal kingdom,
00:05:40focusing on the reproductive cycles of spirogyra, flatworms, squids, cats, and that.
00:05:47Maybe an older woman.
00:05:48I'm sure you'll all share my breathless excitement as we strip away the mystery surrounding the biological process of reproduction.
00:05:56May I tell you, class, that in your enjoyment of this class, I sincerely believe that you don't have to know biology.
00:06:03Simpson.
00:06:03One must do biology.
00:06:05What class is that for?
00:06:06So, let us embark on this adventure.
00:06:07Let us begin our first laboratory experiment.
00:06:10All right.
00:06:10It's just sort of something I picked up.
00:06:12Looks like it might be good.
00:06:13Stephanie Graham and Mill Table, station one.
00:06:19Jackie Freeman and John Bergdahl, station two.
00:06:23Alan Hall and Leslie Hindenburg, station three.
00:06:27Alan Hall?
00:06:29Yes, Alan Hall, you're at lab station three with Leslie Hindenburg.
00:06:33In front of you, you will find the magic case to ask me.
00:06:36I'm sure you'll all share my awe at the way a single cell can reproduce and reproduce again and again.
00:06:44Like the Osmond family.
00:06:47Even the most innocuous of looking substances can be, well, they can be teeming with fertile microorganisms.
00:06:55I will now come around to every couple and give you your very own bread molds.
00:07:00Bread molds.
00:07:02Hey, it's lunchtime.
00:07:04You got any peanut butter molds to go with it?
00:07:06What else?
00:07:10Salami mold and some lettuce mold.
00:07:16Who's coming?
00:07:19Alan, will you light my Bunsen burner?
00:07:21I don't think I can handle alone.
00:07:26Alan, will you light my Bunsen burner?
00:07:33No smoking around the Bunsen.
00:07:36Nobody escorted me on my first babysitting job.
00:07:41But your father drove by the house every hour?
00:07:43Only to make sure no boys were hiding in the bushes.
00:07:47And if Dixie D-Cup doesn't move it, we're going to be late.
00:07:50Jenny, don't I just shout?
00:07:52Hello there.
00:07:54What about dinner?
00:07:56I'm on a diet.
00:07:58Sounds like anorexia to me.
00:08:00Does your pitiful existence have to revolve around buggy meat twit brain?
00:08:05Mom!
00:08:05You should call me a twit brain.
00:08:08There are better words in the dictionary, Leslie.
00:08:10What kind of people are these Stoneman's?
00:08:13Who cares?
00:08:13We're spending the evening with their infant.
00:08:16I'm going to call you every hour or so.
00:08:18Make sure everything's a-okay.
00:08:20Bye.
00:08:21Bye.
00:08:21Bye.
00:08:22It's so quiet when the girls are gone.
00:08:30You'll get that 24-hour protection and comfort
00:08:33when you use the testy string to keep your protection open.
00:08:38So then she asked me to light her Bunsen murder.
00:08:56Is that a good sign?
00:08:57Sounds hot to me.
00:08:58What, are you waiting for a formal invitation?
00:09:01Maybe the files are a bad subject or something.
00:09:04My own brother, a sexual retard.
00:09:08All I think about all day is sex.
00:09:10That's a good sign.
00:09:12I mean, I look at everybody and I think they know what it's like.
00:09:16I've got this huge black hole in my life, you know?
00:09:20No.
00:09:23Why are girls as horny as I am?
00:09:25It's just not fair.
00:09:26What can I say?
00:09:27Sex is a stacked deck and women hold all the cards.
00:09:30Better get used to it.
00:09:33How time I put this goddamn machine out of its misery.
00:09:46Bad attitude.
00:09:47Good arm.
00:09:49Feeling better, Sunshine?
00:09:51I wish I was dead.
00:09:52Well, Dr. Renata's got just your prescription.
00:10:01Look, I just tossed my cookies, okay?
00:10:03I mean, enough is enough.
00:10:05Really.
00:10:08She's a slow starter.
00:10:11There's a tiger in her tank.
00:10:14That guy wrote the book on how to strike out.
00:10:18Bet he's been laid, though.
00:10:19Your time will come.
00:10:21Think positive.
00:10:22Now, what about your biopartner?
00:10:24Leslie Hindenburg is my biopartner.
00:10:26Coach Kong's daughter?
00:10:29I hope she's not built like her old man.
00:10:31No, she's a fox.
00:10:32No, what's so hit on her?
00:10:36You're right.
00:10:37I like your nose where it is.
00:10:39These are supposed to be the best years of my life.
00:10:42Maybe if you want blonde or something.
00:10:45I'd still be stuck with the same geeky guys.
00:10:47Wait a minute, Les.
00:10:49I see a ray of hope.
00:10:51God, the man of my dreams is alive and well on KBBZ.
00:10:55God, what a turn on.
00:10:57Emmett is still on the go, as he proved late last night
00:10:59when he rolled his wheelchair out of the VA hospital
00:11:01and onto the San Diego freeway on-ramp.
00:11:03He's a little too Kendall for me.
00:11:06I mean, there's no pain or passion in his face.
00:11:08It's too perfect.
00:11:10Oh, I'm not about perfection.
00:11:12Ted Vincent is my man.
00:11:14You won't believe this.
00:11:17She's got a vibrator.
00:11:18Good work, Les.
00:11:19She's on a roll.
00:11:20What's it for?
00:11:22Curling your hair.
00:11:24I wonder if Ted's into electronics.
00:11:26Earth to live.
00:11:28Listen, I gotta go.
00:11:29The Gestapo's gonna be calling, checking up on me.
00:11:32Okay, I'll catch you later.
00:11:33Cancer?
00:11:47Cancer?
00:11:47It's no joke, Mel.
00:12:04It looks exactly like a classic melanoma.
00:12:07Have you forgotten your cold last spring?
00:12:09And you swore it was TB.
00:12:11It was a severe case of strep, Mel.
00:12:13And besides, melanoma's different.
00:12:15For starters, it's almost always fatal.
00:12:25I haven't seen you in a long time.
00:12:27How's your mother?
00:12:28She's fine.
00:12:29Good.
00:12:30Now, let me check the area of the mole.
00:12:33I'm only checking for raised areas.
00:12:41Doesn't look like an ordinary mole, does it?
00:12:43Don't be an alarmist, Leslie.
00:12:46I'm only checking for coloration.
00:12:50Oh.
00:12:53Looks pretty dark and sinister, huh?
00:12:55Now, Leslie, although you're fair-skinned and light-eyed and prone to the ill-fated melanoma,
00:12:59this is only Lent to go.
00:13:02Huh?
00:13:04Medical terminology for harmless spots.
00:13:07Prone to melanoma?
00:13:08Leslie, you're a very healthy young lady who worries too much.
00:13:12You can get dressed now.
00:13:14But if it would be reassuring,
00:13:17you could come back in a month and I'll check your entire body.
00:13:21Bye.
00:13:25I told you not to buy plants at gas stations.
00:13:28But she looked so healthy.
00:13:30Maybe if I talk to her.
00:13:32Talking can't save her now, Bernice.
00:13:33She's not dead yet.
00:13:35It's only a matter of time.
00:13:36Granted, she's got a great pair of bulbs,
00:13:38but she's going to wither and die before the New Year.
00:13:40Oh, little baby.
00:13:46Are you all right, dear?
00:13:48I guess not.
00:13:51So I says to Porter, if you ask me,
00:13:53the foreign kid's not playing with a full deck.
00:13:57Never knows what team he's on.
00:14:00It says we all look alike.
00:14:03Dad, did I ever tell you how proud I am of you?
00:14:05I mean, even though I complain about how embarrassing it is to be in the same school,
00:14:10everyone respects you so much.
00:14:12I give it my best shot.
00:14:19Leslie, your mother makes sure you get the four basic food groups and you're trashing three of them.
00:14:24Mom, it's so beautiful that every day you go to all this effort.
00:14:34It's just that I've lost my appetite.
00:14:36Well, that's very sweet, Leslie.
00:14:38Also, very suspicious.
00:14:41Jennifer, you and I have certainly had our problems.
00:14:44Would it make you feel any better if I gave you my new silver bangles?
00:14:48The ones I'm not allowed to breathe on?
00:14:50Silver bangles aren't worth fighting over, no matter how expensive they are.
00:14:54Well, take them.
00:14:55You're welcome.
00:14:57I'll clear the table now.
00:15:04Am I the only one who finds this creepy?
00:15:07Your attention, please.
00:15:13This administration is not amused by the attack on our very own Venus in the quad.
00:15:19You like this shit, huh?
00:15:21I like this shit very much.
00:15:23In America, it's considered the highest of compliments to say to your hostess after a good meal,
00:15:28thank you for the shit.
00:15:31And how you say that?
00:15:32Thank you for the shit.
00:15:34Thank you for the shit.
00:15:36Hello, Farouk.
00:15:40Some girls go for the exotic type.
00:15:42Yeah, Farouk, let us know if she's a moaner or a screamer.
00:15:45Hey, I had a screamer once she shattered her own glasses.
00:15:48Don't you guys talk about anything but sex.
00:15:50What else is there, Ed?
00:15:53Well, that's a tough one, Pittman.
00:15:55Don't pull a muscle working on it.
00:15:58Just stop by to warn you that you're chairman of the Christmas Dance Committee this year.
00:16:02Tell me when you get the committee put together.
00:16:04Oh, feel free to resume your insightful discussion.
00:16:10Mutant.
00:16:11Yeah, another example of virgin brain rot.
00:16:13Don't let that happen to you, okay?
00:16:15How's it going, Farouk?
00:16:21Ah, don't look now, but here comes the lady that gives new meaning to the word hard on.
00:16:25Ah, this is your lucky day.
00:16:27I saved this seat just for you.
00:16:29Sit on it, pal.
00:16:30Hello, Alan.
00:16:32Hi.
00:16:32Say, uh, aren't you in my bio class?
00:16:35I hadn't noticed.
00:16:36Well, why don't you sit down and take a seat?
00:16:38I'm bad, but I don't bite.
00:16:39I do.
00:16:39I definitely bite.
00:16:40Come on, Alan.
00:16:47Hey, Alan.
00:16:48Who's the guy with the bow tie?
00:16:50We got new friends with holidays, Hawaiian luau's, and that cool cruises.
00:16:55Oh, everybody calls him Mushroom Malone.
00:16:58Mm-hmm.
00:16:59Bet I can guess why.
00:17:03Any student caught with a substance commonly known as wacky glue will be subject to severe
00:17:09disciplinary action.
00:17:10Score one for the wacky glue phantom.
00:17:12Explosion.
00:17:12All right, you're making great deals.
00:17:19You love it.
00:17:20Hey, we don't do this, man.
00:17:21I'm not kidding.
00:17:24It's great stuff.
00:17:25You'll love it.
00:17:26Carl, it's all so unreal.
00:17:29I feel like I ought to do something.
00:17:31No, there's nothing anybody can do now.
00:17:33I'll just go on, pretending nothing's happened, cramming a lifetime into three months.
00:17:40There's so much I want to experience.
00:17:43You mean?
00:17:43I always said I'd wait for the love of my life, but I guess I'll just have to settle
00:17:47for sex.
00:17:50I gotta know if it's worth all the time we spend talking about it.
00:17:54Bad news.
00:17:55My research says the first time's never the best.
00:17:58Unless you go for someone really experienced.
00:18:01But it might be sweet if it was the first time for both of us.
00:18:04It might be the pits.
00:18:05I've heard it's harder than it looks.
00:18:08Yeah, really?
00:18:09Two dozen Shriners with rubbers?
00:18:11Hey, later, babe.
00:18:12I think I just saw a majorly pair of yappos.
00:18:14Won't you give me a sign?
00:18:19Woo-hoo!
00:18:20Ha!
00:18:21Hey!
00:18:22Ah!
00:18:24Oh!
00:18:25Let's go.
00:18:26She's weird.
00:18:33I hear they call you a mushroom.
00:18:34Got any?
00:18:35You want to speak up?
00:18:36They didn't hear you in Nevada.
00:18:38Well, I figured with a name like that, you must be advertising.
00:18:41Would you sit down?
00:18:42It only takes one knock to ruin your whole day.
00:18:44Really?
00:18:44Really?
00:18:44Gnarly.
00:18:50Gnarly.
00:18:53You are...
00:18:54Doesn't this ever strike you as absurd?
00:19:04What?
00:19:05All these adolescents, desperate for human contact...
00:19:09You mean horny?
00:19:11...isolating themselves in their own little prisms on wheels.
00:19:15It's like a thousand lonely little worlds doing a mating relay down the highway of life.
00:19:19Hey, catch that.
00:19:23Tits and drugs.
00:19:24Give me a break.
00:19:27Max!
00:19:28I love you.
00:19:30Pittman, you lunatic.
00:19:33I can't even think too much.
00:19:34That's your problem.
00:19:35You could use a problem like that, Max.
00:19:39Leslie.
00:19:41Fade is calling you, Vast.
00:19:44I'm getting a busy signal.
00:19:46Think Max, Leslie.
00:19:47Oh, sometimes he gets this look in his eyes.
00:19:51I mean, this is a man who knows where to find your G-spot.
00:19:54Oh, Mel, I couldn't find my G-spot.
00:19:58I kissed him once.
00:19:59In second grade.
00:20:01Oh, he was hot even then.
00:20:04He's not interested in me, Mel.
00:20:06Well, you gotta be gutsy, Les.
00:20:09Just call him up and ask him out.
00:20:11All I can say is, no way, Jose.
00:20:14Right, then I just die of embarrassment.
00:20:15Like, what have you got to lose?
00:20:22Hey, Max.
00:20:23How you doing?
00:20:25Is it too much to ask for someone dark and mysterious
00:20:28who reads and would talk about life all night by candlelight?
00:20:32I guess I'd better face reality.
00:20:36Boys are so immature.
00:20:37I'll get a diaphragm, settle for no-frills sex.
00:20:40Well, why don't you take the floor, Farouk?
00:20:57And I'll get the main dish.
00:21:02No, she means it's your turn to talk.
00:21:03I like United States very much.
00:21:15The people are very, very funny to meet me.
00:21:23Sit down, Farouk.
00:21:24I have spent all day preparing your favorite native dish, Farouk.
00:21:32Stuffed beef heart.
00:21:34You know, this makes me very funny to be here with you in America,
00:21:49my new family in the United States.
00:21:52I want to say to you now, as my best friend, Max,
00:21:55teach me to say,
00:21:59Thank you very much for this shit.
00:22:08They're all wacky glued, sir.
00:22:11Damn terrorist.
00:22:12This means war.
00:22:14No quarter given.
00:22:15No quarter given.
00:22:15Salamahigarabha.
00:22:28Oh, hell.
00:22:30This father here is always late.
00:22:33It's Farouk, coach.
00:22:34And it's prayer time in Mecca.
00:22:38Listen up.
00:22:39It took a long time
00:22:43to get funding for this new wrestling man.
00:22:48I want to see you treating you like your mom's best carpet.
00:22:55Carpenter?
00:22:57Hey, don't hurt him, Carp.
00:22:59Get him, Carp.
00:23:04First time I did it was on my mom's best carpet.
00:23:07Left some rude rug burns on my knees.
00:23:09With a small price to pay,
00:23:11I'd do it on asphalt.
00:23:12Oh.
00:23:13I like paying with your pleasure.
00:23:14Hit on the Hindenburg.
00:23:16She's the pleasure and he's the pain.
00:23:17Leslie?
00:23:18I wouldn't kick her out of bed
00:23:19for eating crackers.
00:23:26Paul!
00:23:27Since you don't need to listen to this,
00:23:31why don't you demonstrate
00:23:31a takedown on Pittman?
00:23:34Coach, he outweighs me by 100 pounds.
00:23:38This is ridiculous.
00:23:40Easy.
00:23:40I don't want to hurt you, Pittman.
00:23:44Come on, you guys.
00:23:45Say no sock hop.
00:23:47Come on, come on, come on.
00:23:49Want blood?
00:23:50Get the lid out.
00:23:50Come on there.
00:23:51Ah!
00:23:52Oh, shit!
00:23:55Get off the mat.
00:23:57Get some towels.
00:23:58Stop that bleeding.
00:23:59It's too late, Coach.
00:24:00I think he's dead.
00:24:01No, you idiot.
00:24:02Get my mat.
00:24:16Hey, how about it, Max?
00:24:17Do I have the stuff to be a blue flamer?
00:24:19Oh, you got the gas, Carp.
00:24:21Ah, how about a car?
00:24:23Well, Dad says I can have it back
00:24:24as soon as I pay for the paint job.
00:24:26So, cough up the bucks,
00:24:28and then we'll talk.
00:24:29Okay.
00:24:30Alan, do you think your brother
00:24:34could get me a job
00:24:35over at the lower line?
00:24:37I'll see what I can do.
00:24:38I can hardly wait to see
00:24:40what happens when you meet
00:24:41the fascinating flatworm.
00:24:45Like the sea squirt,
00:24:47it can reproduce asexually.
00:24:48Sometimes, the tail decides
00:24:50not to follow the head,
00:24:51and pressure.
00:24:53The worm is torn in two.
00:24:55This is self-mutilation.
00:24:56Each part then regenerates
00:24:58a whole worm.
00:24:59Reproduction has taken place
00:25:01asexually.
00:25:03Oh, here he is.
00:25:05Eric March.
00:25:06Eric March,
00:25:09this is your fourth tardy this week.
00:25:12Please go to your lab station immediately.
00:25:14Yeah, we've been cutting some worm.
00:25:18Violent effect, man.
00:25:19Real new age.
00:25:22Hey, yo, Hindenburg.
00:25:25Why don't you sit down
00:25:26and take a load off your mind?
00:25:30Mr. Pittman.
00:25:34Mr. Pittman, please.
00:25:36Please, give me that balloon.
00:25:47You may now begin to mutilate
00:25:48your flatworms.
00:25:56So you're scoping out
00:25:57the new girl, eh?
00:25:58Who?
00:25:59The one with the X-rated bod.
00:26:01No, I was talking to Sharon.
00:26:03The guy's unconscious.
00:26:09She's all yours.
00:26:10You snooze, you lose.
00:26:12Go.
00:26:18So what do you think of Nixon?
00:26:20So far, it's mayo and white all the way.
00:26:22And I thought Cleveland was straight.
00:26:24Oh, try eating lunch
00:26:25on the football field someday.
00:26:26If the wind's blowing just right,
00:26:27half the town gets stoned.
00:26:29How about you, buddy?
00:26:30Do you puff up?
00:26:32No, that stuff kind of puts me to sleep.
00:26:34Uh-huh.
00:26:35No puff-puff, huh?
00:26:38You always look so spacey.
00:26:40I guess I'm just naturally hard.
00:26:43Hi.
00:26:43Well, that's okay, too, I guess.
00:26:47Uh, excuse me.
00:26:48People get stoned
00:26:50for doing something such as this?
00:26:52It seems cruel and unusual punishment.
00:26:55No, Farouk.
00:26:56Getting stoned is like smoking pot.
00:26:58Grass?
00:26:59Yeah.
00:26:59Oh.
00:27:03My dad was talking about you last night.
00:27:05He said you're pro-material.
00:27:06Yeah, I have a good arm.
00:27:08He says you really stand out.
00:27:10A real team leader.
00:27:11He said that?
00:27:13He treats me like pond scum
00:27:15because I won't go out for football.
00:27:16Oh, you got it all wrong.
00:27:18You remind him of him when he was younger.
00:27:20He really likes you.
00:27:22Could have fooled me.
00:27:24So I was thinking that
00:27:25if you're not doing anything Friday night,
00:27:27maybe we could go up.
00:27:29Well, yeah, that sounds okay,
00:27:31except that my Trans Am's in the shop.
00:27:34Well, that's okay.
00:27:35I'll pick you up from my Volvo.
00:27:36Volvo.
00:27:38In that case, you're on.
00:27:41Her Volvo.
00:27:49So how'd you make out with Liz?
00:27:51I think she's a loadie.
00:27:53So?
00:27:54Just can't get the hang of these worms.
00:27:57There's less resistance
00:27:57when they're semi-conscious.
00:27:59We now return to the Sam's time.
00:28:08Hello, Derek.
00:28:09Why, Max?
00:28:10This is a surprise.
00:28:11Can I get you a drink?
00:28:12Max?
00:28:13Max, I need to talk to you, honey.
00:28:16I am very concerned about Farouk.
00:28:18No, he's been slightly under the weather lately.
00:28:22And I'm afraid he feels somehow different
00:28:24from the rest of you boys.
00:28:26Face it, Mom.
00:28:27How many guys at Nixon pray during fourth period?
00:28:29Well, as his AFS sponsor,
00:28:31I can't help feeling responsible
00:28:33for the way he'll remember the United States.
00:28:36I mean, these are impressions
00:28:37he will carry with him
00:28:37for the rest of his life.
00:28:39Perhaps you should ask him
00:28:40to join your bridge club.
00:28:42I want you to take him with you tonight, Max.
00:28:44I have a date tonight.
00:28:46And I don't know about in Abu Dhabi,
00:28:47but here in the good old USA,
00:28:49only two people at a time go out on a date.
00:28:51Farouk hasn't had one single date
00:28:53since he's been here, Max.
00:28:55Well, I can't imagine why.
00:28:56He's had more offers in three weeks
00:28:57than I've had in three years.
00:28:59Please, reach out, Max.
00:29:03Oh, hello.
00:29:04You must be Leslie.
00:29:05Hi, Mrs. Holt.
00:29:06Hi, Max.
00:29:10Hi.
00:29:12You mind if Farouk joins us?
00:29:18In Abu Dhabi,
00:29:20women sit in Asafqar.
00:29:24Fascinating, Farouk.
00:29:31Peaceful pastors.
00:29:36Max tells me all about this place.
00:29:41It's where people come, park the car,
00:29:41and make sneaky sex, no?
00:29:50Is this our destination?
00:29:53Ah, yes, peaceful pastors.
00:29:56Max tells me all about this place.
00:29:57It's where people come, park the car,
00:29:58and make sneaky sex, no?
00:30:03You might not believe this,
00:30:04but I come here a lot to meditate
00:30:06about life and death.
00:30:08Can we talk about something else?
00:30:10Um, in Abu Dhabi, we have a game.
00:30:27It's called, uh, how you say it,
00:30:30uh, sit on the bottle.
00:30:32Farouk, isn't it about prayer time in Abu Dhabi?
00:30:34No, no.
00:30:35No, sun is down.
00:30:37It's up in Abu Dhabi.
00:30:39Oh, oh, okay, I get you now, Max.
00:30:43I go pray.
00:30:44I go pray the coach not to find out.
00:30:53Thought he'd never take the hint.
00:30:56Let's not waste any more time.
00:30:58Uh, uh, Leslie?
00:31:00Uh, this might not be the time to mention it, but...
00:31:05Um, your father said that he would castrate
00:31:09anybody that laid a hand on you.
00:31:10Oh, you know he didn't mean it.
00:31:12Oh, well, um, me and the guys,
00:31:15we weren't sure.
00:31:17Max, we're all alone.
00:31:19We may never pass his way again.
00:31:22Let's not talk about Daddy.
00:31:24It's about time he goes for my bra.
00:31:51Oh, my God, the hook's in the front.
00:32:00He'll never figure this out.
00:32:05Oh, God, now he thinks I do this for a living.
00:32:08Oh, my hip bone is killing me.
00:32:28Okay, looks like he's gonna take the plunge.
00:32:32Brace yourself for rapture.
00:32:34I can't believe this.
00:32:46My dad is gonna kill me.
00:32:47No, he's gonna kill me.
00:32:49Holy shit.
00:32:51Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:32:57Come on, you slow down, Holt.
00:32:59I told him, Leslie Hindenburg is lethal nookie.
00:33:03Okay, now run the line.
00:33:04What a way to go.
00:33:09Come on, Holt, up.
00:33:11Get on, move it, come on.
00:33:13Cross over, come on, come on, come on, come on.
00:33:18And even if I do get off restriction before I die,
00:33:21no guy in school will ever come near me again.
00:33:24I think you're overreacting.
00:33:25You didn't see my dad.
00:33:26I mean, we're talking Godzilla on PCP.
00:33:29The Volvo is demoed.
00:33:31And that's nothing compared to what he did to Max.
00:33:33Okay, right off the guys at Nixon.
00:33:35Who else do you know?
00:33:37There's always Richard from Fillmore.
00:33:40You mean Richard Pittman's brother?
00:33:42You guys broke up two years ago.
00:33:44Only because I wouldn't let him get past second base.
00:33:47Huh, I thought it was because he had the personality of a bobby pin.
00:33:50He wanted me desperately, Mel.
00:33:53And he doesn't have my dad for P.E.
00:33:58Isn't that Liz?
00:34:00God, who would ever thought her dad's a cop?
00:34:02No wonder she's so wild.
00:34:04You know what the estimate is?
00:34:15Twelve hundred big ones.
00:34:17But she's been so angelic this past month.
00:34:19Doing the dishes without being asked.
00:34:21She even offered to polish my spoon collection, honey.
00:34:25A graveyard.
00:34:26What in the hell were they doing in a goddamn graveyard?
00:34:31They were teaching Farouk the American way of death, like she said.
00:34:34Now, what would the three of them do?
00:34:37I know what I'd do in a graveyard with you.
00:34:43Oh, Lester.
00:34:45Lester.
00:34:46She's been so, so good.
00:34:49Young white male seeks bisexual white female twins with taste for Parmesan cheese.
00:34:58Check it out.
00:35:00You know, sometimes it's easier to do it with a stranger.
00:35:02You're not suggesting I'm this desperate.
00:35:05Nah.
00:35:05Just because it's date night USA and you're spending it with your brother here at the Lorelei.
00:35:11Have uniform, we'll travel.
00:35:14Experienced nurse seeks inexperienced male for hands-on training.
00:35:18Call Inga at 555-5756.
00:35:22Give me my zombie.
00:35:25Eight hours in this hellhole for $5.63.
00:35:30Cheer up, sunshine.
00:35:31Didn't Renata say something about a raise?
00:35:33Oh, that slimy cheese bag.
00:35:35He wants to talk it over in a room.
00:35:37Man, he tries anything.
00:35:39Amaze his face.
00:35:43Look at it this way.
00:35:44At least the nurse would be enthusiastic.
00:35:48Hello.
00:35:57Hello.
00:35:58May I please speak to Inga?
00:36:00Yeah, this is Inga Borg.
00:36:01Uh, yeah.
00:36:03I'm calling about your ad and, uh...
00:36:06Uh, Josh, sure.
00:36:08What is your name?
00:36:09How old are you?
00:36:10And, uh, do you have any infectious diseases?
00:36:12Uh, my name is Alan.
00:36:15I'll be 18 in June.
00:36:16And I don't have herpes.
00:36:19Uh, tonight is available.
00:36:20Can you get a room?
00:36:21Not now, Gunnar.
00:36:22Uh, just come to the lounge at the Lorelei and ask the bartender for the room number.
00:36:28Goodbye.
00:36:34So, how does one go about getting a room?
00:36:38Give me a shooter.
00:36:41You know, I spent an hour on the John and 319, and it's still backed up.
00:36:45I have had enough of this Roche Motel for one day.
00:36:55319 is yours.
00:36:56Get the master key from Karp.
00:36:58Where's he now?
00:37:03Does that answer your question?
00:37:06No, it's keeping Inga.
00:37:07I'll go see if the coast is clear, okay?
00:37:09Okay.
00:37:10Okay.
00:37:10Okay.
00:37:15Good evening, Mr. Renata.
00:37:18Is everything under control, Carpenter?
00:37:20Uh, it's all hunky-dory, sir.
00:37:22Except for the toilet.
00:37:23I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
00:37:25Carpenter!
00:37:26Sir, I can explain everything.
00:37:28So, you've been talking to Sunshine.
00:37:30I really dig the bubbly.
00:37:32Nice touch, kid.
00:37:33I aim to please, sir.
00:37:35TV working?
00:37:37Ship shape, sir.
00:37:38I mean, ship safe.
00:37:39Whatever, Carpenter.
00:37:40Whatever.
00:37:41Now, when you see Sunshine, tell her Mr. Goodbar is waiting on her.
00:37:46Okay, promise, sir.
00:37:47Have a swell evening now.
00:37:51Let it deep and let it bleed.
00:38:05Oh, I don't believe it.
00:38:11I'm a sentimental kind of guy.
00:38:14You're kind of timid, even a little shy.
00:38:17Oh, God.
00:38:24You're early, my little reasonette.
00:38:26Oh, no.
00:38:27I always come on time.
00:38:29Jesus.
00:38:30If only all women could say the same.
00:38:36You dressed up for Dr. Renata.
00:38:38I like that.
00:38:40You sound older than you did on the phone.
00:38:45Sunshine?
00:38:46Ellen?
00:38:49What the hell?
00:38:54Crick.
00:38:56You want something else, Sunshine?
00:38:58On the house, of course.
00:38:59I have not had so much fun since Renata broke his pinky in the gas register.
00:39:13Too bad it wasn't a swan.
00:39:15You respond well to discipline.
00:39:26Don't panic!
00:39:28What were you, bitch?
00:39:30Oh, God!
00:39:32Oh, God!
00:39:35No!
00:39:38No!
00:39:40No!
00:39:41No!
00:39:41Oh, yeah!
00:39:42Oh, no!
00:39:45No, no!
00:39:46Oh!
00:39:48No!
00:39:49Oh!
00:39:52No!
00:39:52No!
00:39:53Are you all right?
00:39:53No!
00:39:54Ah!
00:39:54Goddamn, you carpenter.
00:40:11Male squid swims frantically, searching for a female to mate with.
00:40:17The story of my life.
00:40:19Then the squid slips one of his long, supple tentacles deep inside his own mantle.
00:40:24And withdraws several gelatinous packages of sperm.
00:40:28Commonly known as jerking off.
00:40:31He then thrusts his sperm deep into the female's body cavity.
00:40:36Mmm, how romantic.
00:40:38What happened to foreplay?
00:40:40The finale of this oceanic moochie.
00:40:44Yes, class, unfortunately, all the squid expire.
00:40:49Hey, Mac, sounds like you and Hindenburg.
00:40:52Lights.
00:40:54Mr. Pittman, simply breathtaking.
00:40:57Gave me goose pimples.
00:40:59Almost makes you want to be a squid.
00:41:02All right, class, let's get to our lab stations.
00:41:09Hey, Liz, where's your retainer?
00:41:12Shut up, kid.
00:41:13Max, Pittman says that the Blue Flamers are having a meeting at the drive-in this weekend.
00:41:20So?
00:41:21Well, I paid off the paint job.
00:41:23I mean, I can get my dad's car.
00:41:26Well, we'll take that into consideration, carp, whenever we discuss membership.
00:41:29Class, today, you'll start dissecting your very own squid.
00:41:33After removing its mantle, be sure to determine sex.
00:41:36And, class, please be very careful with the gonads.
00:41:39They're quite delicate.
00:41:40Squid, you actually ate one of those?
00:41:43Ah, squid.
00:41:44It's very good.
00:41:46With ink.
00:41:47Well, I'll try anything once.
00:41:48Anything?
00:41:49I'll take you up on that this weekend.
00:41:51You mean, like, go out or something?
00:41:54Well, I was thinking about it.
00:41:55There's something I'd like to talk to you about alone.
00:41:58It may be important.
00:41:59It's very important.
00:42:00It's more important than you think.
00:42:02Friday night, okay?
00:42:04Perfect.
00:42:13Hello?
00:42:14Hello, may I please speak to Richard?
00:42:16Just a minute, dear.
00:42:18Les!
00:42:22Hello, Richard?
00:42:24Hi, this is Leslie Hindenburg.
00:42:27Yeah, long time no see.
00:42:28The reason I'm calling is, is, I got to thinking about how much fun we used to have together.
00:42:37And, and I thought maybe you'd like to get together, you know, for old time's sake.
00:42:43Like, maybe this weekend.
00:42:48Oh, I think we have lots to talk about, you know.
00:42:52I've matured a lot, Richard.
00:42:55Sure, sure I'll return your Van Halen records.
00:42:58Okay, great.
00:43:00I'll see you then.
00:43:02Bye.
00:43:03Talk about hard up.
00:43:05Isn't he the one with the personality of a bobby pin?
00:43:08I've changed Jennifer.
00:43:09I'm sure he has, too.
00:43:10Now get out of here.
00:43:12Out, out, out.
00:43:14Oh, fine.
00:43:16Michael, the girls in the flower brothel won't disappoint you.
00:43:25The car.
00:43:25Is there something wrong?
00:43:41I'm afraid so, Alan.
00:43:42I have something I have to tell you.
00:43:44It's Mushroom alone, isn't it?
00:43:45No, it's worse than Mushroom.
00:43:47Something wrong?
00:43:59Just hold me, Richard.
00:44:08Leslie, uh...
00:44:09You used to love it when I kissed your neck, remember?
00:44:14And I remember...
00:44:15Yeah.
00:44:16When you used to kiss my ears.
00:44:18It drove me crazy.
00:44:21Oh!
00:44:23When did you pierce your ears?
00:44:26Hey, master your seatbelts, flamers.
00:44:28I had Brussels sprouts, baked beans, and date bars.
00:44:31Yeah!
00:44:32I had Swedish meatballs, lentil loaf, marinated artichokes, bonbons, with broodwhip!
00:44:41Max, tell me now.
00:44:42What is this, Blue Flamers?
00:44:44I'm not who you think I am.
00:44:46There's a lot you don't know about me.
00:44:47A great deal, very much.
00:44:49Why pry?
00:44:49I know all I need to know.
00:44:51No, you don't know.
00:44:52I do know.
00:44:52You may not want to know.
00:44:54What could I possibly know that would make me know you better than I know you now?
00:44:56Alan, I'm a narc.
00:45:00Police officer.
00:45:01And I finished my assignment at Nixon.
00:45:03Mushroom and 36 others are going to be busted on Monday, and I'll be starting over again somewhere else.
00:45:07Another high school, another district, another town.
00:45:09That's what it means to be a narc.
00:45:11You're the only one I'm going to miss when I'm gone, Alan.
00:45:14Those pillheads and potheads deserve what they get.
00:45:16A one-way ticket to the slammer.
00:45:20Is anybody going to know that it was me?
00:45:23Not unless you tell them.
00:45:25Oh, no chance in hell.
00:45:26I can keep a secret.
00:45:28I knew I could trust you, Alan.
00:45:31And I had to tell you because, well, even though I'm 30 and you're 17, I'm really attracted to you, Alan.
00:45:39Of course, having sex with a minor could get me off the force, and I have my career to consider.
00:45:44But honestly, Alan, I get all hot and weak when I'm kissing you.
00:45:47Let's not talk about wasted youth, Alan.
00:45:49Don't kiss me again, and the woman in me will throw this badge out the window and live for the now.
00:45:53I don't know.
00:45:54I don't know.
00:45:56Um, that is your name, isn't it?
00:45:59It's Kathy.
00:46:00Reagan.
00:46:01No relation.
00:46:03I think I just want to go home.
00:46:05Everybody got a light?
00:46:15Everybody a light?
00:46:15Light.
00:46:16Light.
00:46:16Light.
00:46:16Oh, yeah.
00:46:17To the eternal blue flame.
00:46:23To the eternal blue flame.
00:46:25To the eternal blue flame.
00:46:26Max!
00:46:28Max!
00:46:30Max!
00:46:30Max!
00:46:31That went in.
00:46:31Max!
00:46:32Hey!
00:46:32Hey!
00:46:33Oh!
00:46:33Hey!
00:46:34Oh!
00:46:34Alan, let's go.
00:46:35I'm done.
00:46:36I'm done.
00:46:36I'm done.
00:46:37I'm done.
00:46:37Hey, wait.
00:46:39I think I've got one.
00:46:41Oh, shit.
00:46:42Oh, man.
00:46:43Probably a little poop.
00:46:44Yeah, a little poop.
00:46:45Yeah.
00:46:45Oh, my God.
00:46:47Look at that.
00:46:48Oh!
00:46:49Oh!
00:46:50Oh!
00:46:51He's on fire!
00:46:52Oh, my God.
00:46:53Oh, my God.
00:46:54Oh, my God.
00:46:55You're sick.
00:46:57You guys are sick.
00:46:59I really want to make it up to you.
00:47:03Well, Leslie, you don't have to do that.
00:47:05But I want to, Richard.
00:47:07I want you.
00:47:08I want...
00:47:09I want to let you do everything I wouldn't let you do before.
00:47:13Everything.
00:47:14Leslie?
00:47:15Leslie, I'm...
00:47:16I'm involved with somebody else right now.
00:47:20I don't care if you marry her, Richard.
00:47:23I just want to have you once.
00:47:26Get her?
00:47:27Leslie, I can't.
00:47:29I want her a lot.
00:47:30Yes, you can, Richard.
00:47:32Remember how you used to always...
00:47:36want me to...
00:47:38What?
00:47:39What are you doing?
00:47:40Leslie, he wouldn't understand.
00:47:42He?
00:47:44He must have grenades in his ass.
00:47:56Yeah, man.
00:47:57Yeah, man.
00:47:58I feel a mother load something in it.
00:47:59I'm with you.
00:48:00I'm with you.
00:48:01Here we go, man.
00:48:02I bet you I'm bigger.
00:48:03Here we go.
00:48:04Oh, shit.
00:48:05Decent.
00:48:18What's wrong with me anyway?
00:48:20I never break out.
00:48:22I use a deodorant.
00:48:24People say I have a cute personality.
00:48:27But my sex appeal is enough to turn my old boyfriend off women.
00:48:32I'm trying to be an easy lay.
00:48:34Doesn't that count anymore?
00:48:36Damn it!
00:48:38Damn it!
00:48:39Get your ass up here!
00:48:43Damn it!
00:48:44Damn it!
00:48:45Damn it!
00:48:46Damn it!
00:48:47Damn it!
00:48:48Damn it!
00:48:49Damn it!
00:48:50Damn it!
00:48:51Damn it!
00:48:52Damn it!
00:48:53Damn it!
00:48:54Damn it!
00:48:55Damn it!
00:48:56Damn it!
00:48:57Damn it!
00:48:58Damn it!
00:48:59Damn it!
00:49:00Damn it!
00:49:01Damn it!
00:49:02Damn it!
00:49:03Damn it!
00:49:04Damn it!
00:49:05Damn it!
00:49:06Damn it!
00:49:07Damn it!
00:49:08Damn it!
00:49:09Damn it!
00:49:10Damn it!
00:49:11Damn it!
00:49:12Damn it!
00:49:13Want to catch pneumonia?
00:49:31Is it my imagination or is Sharon Mondo pregnant?
00:49:34You don't know that for sure.
00:49:38Oh, yeah. Maybe it's just a tumor.
00:49:40It's not funny, Mel.
00:49:42I wonder who the daddy is.
00:49:44Moby!
00:49:54That does it, Pittman!
00:49:56We're gonna see Porter right now!
00:50:00Okay, this is it. D-Day.
00:50:02All right, but listen now. I want you to remember.
00:50:04You're radio-miked.
00:50:06You got guys sitting in a van about two blocks from here.
00:50:08If you get in any kind of trouble...
00:50:12Sharon, what's going on?
00:50:18Oh, I'm leaving school.
00:50:20Potato had acted like I was contagious.
00:50:22I said, look, buddy, there's no way you're gonna catch what I've got.
00:50:26You're kicked out?
00:50:28He said, school policy. You can transfer to night school.
00:50:30I said, what about my job at the med center?
00:50:32He said, take it like a man.
00:50:34That's not fair, ruin your whole life.
00:50:36Who's talking fair? We're in high school.
00:50:38Correction, I was in high school.
00:50:40So, uh, whose father?
00:50:42Just a guy.
00:50:44He said, I can't deal with this.
00:50:46I said, that's cool with me.
00:50:48Sharon, you don't have to tell me this is too personal.
00:50:50Is it any good the first time?
00:50:52It wasn't great.
00:50:54But we did it again and it got better.
00:50:56Really?
00:50:58Wow.
00:51:00Do you really want this baby?
00:51:02Well, part of me says, what a drag.
00:51:04But another part of me says, you're a big girl, Sharon.
00:51:06You can handle this.
00:51:08And besides, then I'll have someone to talk to.
00:51:10God.
00:51:12I just wish the father would call me once again.
00:51:14I'll probably never see him now that I'm out of here.
00:51:16You're not out of here yet.
00:51:18What do you mean?
00:51:20Oh, my God.
00:51:22Oh, my God.
00:51:24Oh, my God.
00:51:26Oh, my God.
00:51:28Oh, my God.
00:51:30Oh, my God.
00:51:32Oh, my God.
00:51:34Oh, my God.
00:51:36Oh, my God.
00:51:38Oh, my God.
00:51:39Oh, my God.
00:51:47I've been very selfish.
00:51:49I've been thinking sex was more important than anything.
00:51:53I want to leave my mark in this world,
00:51:55and it's got to be more than a wet spot in somebody's back seat.
00:52:05Definitely the work of a genius.
00:52:07But is it art?
00:52:08Sounds like wacky glue to me.
00:52:14Holy Jesus.
00:52:16Oh, my God.
00:52:18Certainly Sharon has a constitutional right to graduate, but she can do that at night school, as I told her.
00:52:24But she's not a threat to anybody else's education.
00:52:26High school is not a democracy, Leslie.
00:52:30Think of it as the Marines.
00:52:32Would the Russians take us seriously for letting non-coms call the shots?
00:52:36Hell no.
00:52:38First, they'd laugh their heads off.
00:52:40First, they'd laugh their heads off.
00:52:42And then they'd airmail the big one.
00:52:44Well, the big one.
00:52:46I don't want to start a war, Mr. Porter.
00:52:48I'd just like to see Sharon graduate with the rest of us.
00:52:50But you bend over to accommodate one individual, and the next thing you know, you can't sit down for a month.
00:52:56Do you know what's going on out there?
00:53:02No, I don't know.
00:53:04No, I don't know.
00:53:10Okay.
00:53:12Forget it!
00:53:14Tears of joy streamed from little Tammy Larson's one eye the other day, when Santa Claus paid an early visit to her hospital bed.
00:53:22A potato head has no principles, just regulations.
00:53:26Hold it less.
00:53:27The love of my life is speaking to me.
00:53:30A twinkle in Santa's eye will be just a memory for Tammy.
00:53:33Now, there's a man with principles.
00:53:35You can see it in his eyes.
00:53:37The Larson's, however, have already exhausted...
00:53:40Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
00:53:41The lights will get dimmer and dimmer for tiny Tammy until the final blackout.
00:53:47Unless...
00:53:48Unless you and I...
00:53:50I knew you'd understand, Mr. Vincent.
00:53:52It's a tragic story that needs to be heard.
00:53:55Me?
00:53:57I'm a highly placed person at Nixon.
00:53:59You could just think of me as deep throat.
00:54:05Meet you in person?
00:54:07At the Lorelei?
00:54:09All right.
00:54:10Goodbye, Mr. Vincent.
00:54:12Ted.
00:54:13Did you hear that?
00:54:14He said just call me Ted!
00:54:15I can kill you!
00:54:16I can kill you!
00:54:17Oh, God!
00:54:18What am I gonna wear?
00:54:19Think sophisticated, Les.
00:54:20If he finds out highly placed means a senior at Nixon, he'll never lay a hand on you.
00:54:21You think I can pull it off?
00:54:22Let him do that.
00:54:23Leslie, I hate for that girl.
00:54:24But these days...
00:54:25It takes a fucking quadriplegic to ring those tear ducts in TV land.
00:54:26But even though she's not a quad...
00:54:27If you'd seen her clean up, you'd have to kill me.
00:54:28I can kill you!
00:54:29I can kill you!
00:54:30I can kill you!
00:54:31I can kill you!
00:54:32I can kill you!
00:54:33I can kill you!
00:54:34I can kill you!
00:54:35I can kill you!
00:54:36I can kill you!
00:54:37I can kill you!
00:54:38I can kill you!
00:54:39I can kill you!
00:54:40I can kill you!
00:54:42I can kill you!
00:54:43I can kill you!
00:54:44I can kill you!
00:54:45Absolutely bad!
00:54:46Leslie, I hate for that girl!
00:54:47But these days...
00:54:48It takes a fucking quadriplegic to ring those tear ducts in TV land!
00:54:50But even though she's not a quad...
00:54:52If you'd seen her cleaning out her locker, cleaning out her dreams, you'll break your heart.
00:54:57Hey, hey!
00:54:58Relax.
00:54:59Relax?
00:55:07Just relax. Surrender to your shoulder blades, Leslie.
00:55:12Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
00:55:17Yeah, really?
00:55:19Esalen taught me to feel, Leslie.
00:55:22Now I suck up life like a newborn baby.
00:55:25When I make love, and I make love, Leslie, I don't screw anymore.
00:55:31I go all the way to infinity.
00:55:37I think you and I could find infinity, maybe three or four times tonight.
00:55:42Excuse me a minute, I have to use the bathroom.
00:55:46Hey, I'll order a champagne for blast-off, huh?
00:55:49Oh, that would be wonderful.
00:55:57Okay, Mr. Ginko, we ain't running a daycare center here.
00:56:01But boss, he's my kid, okay?
00:56:03Maybe the Sheraton's a better place for the Christmas ball.
00:56:06Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:56:08Why don't you tell me it's a business call?
00:56:10Here, give a kid a drink.
00:56:11Hey, about time, Carp.
00:56:13I couldn't get the lock-off.
00:56:14302 needs a bottle of champagne.
00:56:16It's halfway there.
00:56:17No, it's right here.
00:56:19Sorry.
00:56:21What kind of budget are you working with?
00:56:25Wow.
00:56:2710 bits.
00:56:29There you are, kid.
00:56:29Thanks, sir.
00:56:32Hey.
00:56:35Thanks.
00:56:36Sorry.
00:56:36Sorry.
00:56:36You know, Leslie, people like that pathetic bellboy think I have everything.
00:56:57Nobody sees the heartache that goes with being so handsome and famous.
00:57:04Hey, just have a check-in by the 15th.
00:57:06And don't worry about the food.
00:57:08Our meatballs are the talk of the town.
00:57:11Especially a poison control.
00:57:12You find the way to his heart, kid.
00:57:14Where's Carp?
00:57:16I know where he is.
00:57:17Follow me.
00:57:18Oh, shit.
00:57:28He's in here.
00:57:40Jeez.
00:57:41I gotta fix this bastard.
00:57:43Carp?
00:57:45Come out, come out, wherever you are.
00:57:46I think he's in the back.
00:57:49You can't really hear anything back there.
00:57:52Carp?
00:58:04Ah.
00:58:05At last.
00:58:07I thought maybe you fell in.
00:58:11Ambrosia?
00:58:16I'm aboard the Magic Carpet.
00:58:34Yeah.
00:58:36Can we turn down the lights?
00:58:38I just want to make it especially, you know, romantic.
00:58:47You're here, Leslie.
00:58:48That makes you special.
00:58:53Listen.
00:58:54Don't be so uptight, kid.
00:58:56You got nothing to worry about.
00:58:57I simply want you to relax, lay back, and enjoy.
00:59:01Just let old Roberta take complete charge here.
00:59:06Do I have a choice?
00:59:07Now, the first thing we're gonna do is drop the drawers.
00:59:11That's okay.
00:59:12I can't.
00:59:13This is all wrong.
00:59:14I don't even know why I'm here.
00:59:15I thought you wanted to help Sharon.
00:59:17I do, but not like this.
00:59:19Now, look.
00:59:20You do for me, and I do for you.
00:59:22That's what good sex is all about.
00:59:23Oh, please, darling.
00:59:25I really never thought I would come to there.
00:59:28Baby, you haven't seen anything yet.
00:59:30I'm gonna take you to Mars.
00:59:33I'm 17 years old, Mr. Vincent, and you can take it to Uranus.
00:59:36You're 17?
00:59:38And even if I never turn 18, I'm gonna get Sharon back in school with or without your help.
00:59:43Hey, now, look.
00:59:43There's no need to panic.
00:59:46You know, I'm dying to do that story on your friend.
00:59:48Pregnant, teenager, no future.
00:59:50Wow, what a hook.
00:59:51Like I said, there's too much to the atmosphere.
01:00:01That's okay, kid.
01:00:03Whenever you're ready, you know where you'll find me.
01:00:13You're just too much, woman, Roberta.
01:00:17You're just too hot to handle.
01:00:21Oh, hi, tiger.
01:00:29Listen, sweetie, I'm over here at the lower line.
01:00:31I'm holding a ticket to paradise.
01:00:33Can you meet me in 45 minutes?
01:00:35Ciao.
01:00:35Alan, what are you doing here?
01:00:47Uh, just looking for the car if he's never around when you need him.
01:00:51What are you doing here?
01:00:52Um, my Aunt Tilly's coming to visit.
01:00:55She's a cleanliness fanatic. I was checking out the rooms.
01:00:57Yeah, I guess so.
01:00:59Hey, you want me to walk you in your car?
01:01:00You never know who's going to jump you in a place like this.
01:01:03Well, it seems that Mr. Bones is caught up in the holiday spirit.
01:01:09Highly amusing.
01:01:12Stuff on you with wacky glue, Miss Bones.
01:01:17Leave him alone. He's blind.
01:01:19So much for Mr. Bones' humorous.
01:01:31Oh.
01:01:33You man, it's all pretty thin, eh, Mac?
01:01:35That might have been a critical call, and now we'll never know.
01:01:43I've obtained a delightful film on the reproductive system of the horny toad.
01:01:47Please be advised that this material will be covered in Friday's quiz.
01:02:02Now that we've all had our fun,
01:02:03perhaps someone other than I might hoist the projector into place.
01:02:07Please, Ed, help me now.
01:02:15So hot!
01:02:16All right.
01:02:24Whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:02:26Come on, let's go, let's go.
01:02:33Ready to roll when you are, Miss Post.
01:02:43Close attention when the male mounts the female's back.
01:02:46At his touch, she releases thousands of eggs.
01:02:48I think that she'll prove me.
01:02:50Oh, hey, I've seen this one before at my cousin's stag party.
01:02:54You're an animal.
01:02:56You're people.
01:02:58You're all animals.
01:02:59Oh, Mr. Porter.
01:03:04Mr. Porter, I just can't take it anymore.
01:03:06I just can't take it.
01:03:07I can't take it.
01:03:07I want to go back to preschool.
01:03:09We're six.
01:03:09There's a three-letter word that nobody understands.
01:03:11Easy, Miss Post.
01:03:12Get a grip on yourself.
01:03:14Earl, you better check it out.
01:03:15Yes, sir.
01:03:16It was horrible.
01:03:17It was horrible.
01:03:18I mean, I know it's a natural function.
01:03:19Birds do it.
01:03:20Bees do it.
01:03:20Everybody does it.
01:03:21But it's all they think about.
01:03:22It's all I think about.
01:03:24Come on.
01:03:24Snap out of it.
01:03:25It's post.
01:03:26Come on.
01:03:27Hands up.
01:03:28Hands up.
01:03:29Shoulders back.
01:03:30Sucking that gun.
01:03:31Yes, sir.
01:03:32You've got to stop behaving like a woman.
01:03:36In this outfit, you are an officer.
01:03:39You got that?
01:03:40Oh, yes, sir.
01:03:41Well, pull it.
01:03:43Take that heel.
01:03:44Thank you, sir.
01:03:46I'll do my best, sir.
01:03:47Yes.
01:03:47Yes.
01:03:51Women.
01:03:57Our school system.
01:03:58It's designed to make productive citizens of our youth.
01:04:02Or is it?
01:04:03Did I miss anything?
01:04:04Ted Vincent's on, honey.
01:04:05Sharon attends classes at the med center.
01:04:07She is intelligent.
01:04:08She is ambitious.
01:04:10She is also pregnant.
01:04:12And there's the rub.
01:04:13It seems that the school system would rather see Sharon on the welfare role than attending
01:04:16classes at Nixon.
01:04:18Does the school system care that this destroys her dreams?
01:04:21Of a career in health services?
01:04:23But Sharon's classmates do.
01:04:24Meet the people responsible.
01:04:25There she is.
01:04:26Sharon's story to our attention.
01:04:27Leslie Hindenburg and Melanie Taylor.
01:04:30Miss Hindenburg, Community Close-Up would like to know why, in this age of apathy, you
01:04:34cared enough to get involved.
01:04:35I saw wrong and tried to right it.
01:04:38We hate all injustice.
01:04:40Weren't you worried that your actions might label you as a little troublemaker?
01:04:44It just didn't seem important.
01:04:48I think what Miss Hindenburg is trying to say is that she had the compassion to put her
01:04:52own future on the line for her friend.
01:04:54Not many of us would be so unselfish.
01:04:56Not many of us have only six weeks to live.
01:04:59Leslie wants to use her final days to do something for mankind.
01:05:02We'll be right back with more on this inspirational story, live and exclusively on Community Close-Up.
01:05:09We'll be right back with more news after a word from our sponsor.
01:05:12Well, that's just the question I was going to ask you.
01:05:15What's wrong with your daughter?
01:05:17How the hell should I know you're the doctor?
01:05:19Well, it's a harmless mole.
01:05:20She's not going to die.
01:05:22She's not?
01:05:23No, and I did not tell her she was going to die.
01:05:25You didn't?
01:05:26No, Leslie's fine.
01:05:27Good night.
01:05:28Somebody's got some explaining to do.
01:05:34I knew it was too good to be true.
01:05:37But I overheard Dr. Fox.
01:05:39It's only a mole, damn it.
01:05:41They're rarely fatal, honey.
01:05:43Wait till everyone at school finds out.
01:05:45If you tell anyone I'm going to live, I'll kill you.
01:05:49Hey, Hindenburg, Leslie.
01:05:52Give me five, buddy.
01:05:54Hey, you did good, you know.
01:05:56I'm real proud of you.
01:05:57Thanks, Pat.
01:05:58I'm sure you'd have done the same thing.
01:06:00Hell no, I'd probably be too busy trying to get laid or something.
01:06:03Hey, Leslie, Leslie.
01:06:05You know, I was just thinking I'm really going to miss that look on your face, you know,
01:06:09when you get really pissed off.
01:06:11Thanks, Tim.
01:06:12But the doctor says I might be in remission.
01:06:15No lie, Allison.
01:06:16She never was going to die.
01:06:18That's what her little sister told my little sister.
01:06:21Hi, Candy.
01:06:22Thanks for the card.
01:06:23Hold on to it.
01:06:24Someday you might even die for real.
01:06:26Some people will do anything for attention.
01:06:33I can't believe what you did, telling everybody you would die.
01:06:47I mean, everybody was saying what it keep.
01:06:49I said, there goes a true friend.
01:06:50Well, well, well, well, well, if it isn't a girl who would not die.
01:06:57And in Abu Dhabi, nobody died.
01:07:02You just come back in a different body.
01:07:04Yeah, Hennenberg.
01:07:05Next time, come back with a boob job.
01:07:08Now, class.
01:07:09Today we climax our adventure with a look at human reproduction.
01:07:13Unlike the promiscuous alley cat, humans may mate for love.
01:07:17In the process of careful selection, humans can increase the odds of passing on desirable genes.
01:07:22Like big change!
01:07:24Thank you, Mr. Pittman.
01:07:27For instance, can you do this?
01:07:31You'll find that some of you can touch the tip of your nose with your tongue, and some of you simply cannot.
01:07:36I can.
01:07:37Why don't you try and then look around and grab the results?
01:07:41Go ahead.
01:07:41Try it.
01:07:43Hey, Leslie, glad to see you're still around to pass your genes on to some little Hennenberger.
01:07:48Thank you, Mr. Pittman.
01:07:56It's all I can do to get out of bed and live through another day.
01:08:00When they started laughing, part of me died.
01:08:04All I can do is pretend I don't care.
01:08:07I move to Outer Mongolia when I graduate.
01:08:18I can't stand a silent treatment.
01:08:21Yell at me if you want, but say something.
01:08:23Too late to kiss up now, rat face.
01:08:26As far as I'm concerned, I am now an only child.
01:08:28Mom's really worried about you.
01:08:31She and Dad are talking about shrinks.
01:08:34Unnecessary.
01:08:36Tomorrow night's the Christmas ball.
01:08:38Ask me if I care.
01:08:39But, Leslie, you were doing a lot more living when you thought you were dying.
01:08:46Now that you're living, you act like you're dead.
01:08:50That's so heavy, I don't know if I can grasp it.
01:08:53I thought high school was supposed to be the neatest time in a girl's life.
01:08:57Whatever gave you that idea?
01:09:01I can't believe what my mother had the gall to serve for dinner last night.
01:09:05Roast lambs had marinated in olive oil.
01:09:08I almost puked.
01:09:10Farouk, he loved it.
01:09:13What smut are you eating now?
01:09:17Whoa.
01:09:17We're talking serious desperation here, Alan.
01:09:22Can I see it when you're finished?
01:09:24I sure could use it.
01:09:25Ha, ha.
01:09:25Don't make me laugh.
01:09:27No, not really.
01:09:28Guess how many times I've scored this year.
01:09:30No thanks.
01:09:30It'll only depress me.
01:09:32Zero.
01:09:33Nada, zip, zilch, nil, and void.
01:09:36Farouk moved in and my social life moved out.
01:09:40I can't come anywhere alone now.
01:09:42Except for the John.
01:09:44Even that's not safe.
01:09:45The guy doesn't knock.
01:09:46I'm gonna die a virgin, Max.
01:09:48I'm looking forward to 50 years plus of today's celibacy.
01:09:52The guy doesn't knock me out.
01:09:55Oh, my God.
01:09:56I love you.
01:09:56I have a happy job.
01:09:57I love you.
01:10:13Yeah.
01:10:14Hey Patricia, what a lot.
01:10:25Hey, there we go, man.
01:10:27Bye.
01:10:28You're so sharp.
01:10:29You're never coming, and I want to die.
01:10:33But there's fun, and we're not cheering, well.
01:10:37Just one more air about me, yeah, let's say.
01:10:41Just breaks my heart, because you did not send a letter.
01:10:44My friends are saying, boy, you better just poke your hair, because you never.
01:10:50Hey, Hindenburg, you look a little pasty there, aren't you?
01:10:53Hey, I'm not going to croak on us again, are you?
01:10:56You never call me on the telephone.
01:11:00You never call me on the telephone.
01:11:05Peter, how you doing?
01:11:08Maybe someday I'll get you back again.
01:11:11There ain't no telephone when I'm the real winner.
01:11:16Maybe someday I'll make you understand.
01:11:19You could never let me without me, no way.
01:11:24I play guitar, and I sing in a band.
01:11:27There was no reason why I'm doing it like that.
01:11:30Last time I saw you, you were walking hand in hand with some other guy.
01:11:35And I've never seen it before, and you never.
01:11:40All right.
01:11:41You never call me.
01:11:45You never call me on the telephone.
01:11:49You never call me and I'm slow and low.
01:11:53I took your dance on your birthday in Hollywood.
01:12:15I don't like dancing, but I knew you were.
01:12:20You look best standing right at the school.
01:12:22They're making that big in Abu Dhabi for us.
01:12:25What test patrol?
01:12:26Can you touch your finger to your nose?
01:12:27Cool it.
01:12:28Mel, you want to get a foster?
01:12:29Surprise me, I'm easy.
01:12:30I feel so happy, Max.
01:12:32That gives me good head.
01:12:33Yeah, if only you could.
01:12:34You know, the only thing I need to make this party this perfect
01:12:37is a beautiful woman to love me.
01:12:39Yeah, I can relate.
01:12:40They're not hard to find if you look, Max.
01:12:42She might be just a step away,
01:12:43just waiting for you to ask her to dance.
01:13:02Hi, Leslie.
01:13:04Looking good.
01:13:05Want some punch?
01:13:11Carp, you got the meat sauce in there.
01:13:13Oh, I'm sorry.
01:13:14No, thanks.
01:13:15Okay, here we go.
01:13:17That's good.
01:13:18Oh, okay.
01:13:20Oh, jeez.
01:13:21Yeah.
01:13:22How are you doing?
01:13:23Oh, I'm doing great.
01:13:24Have a good day, eh?
01:13:25Bye.
01:13:25Bye.
01:13:26You want to dance?
01:13:36Sure.
01:13:36Even trade car.
01:13:53Two of these babies for a room.
01:13:55Those, um, red pills give me hives.
01:13:59Aren't you a probation?
01:14:00Oh, that's a point, man.
01:14:01I can't party in public these days.
01:14:04Hey, Miss Post.
01:14:06Are you having a good time?
01:14:07Oh, yes.
01:14:07Thank you very much, Mr. Holt.
01:14:08I am.
01:14:09Mr. Holt, might I have some of that ethanol
01:14:11tucked under your coat there?
01:14:14Yeah.
01:14:16Cheers.
01:14:19You like it?
01:14:20Very fun.
01:14:22Carry on.
01:14:23Melanie, I give you a box of candy,
01:14:26and then you go out with me, all right?
01:14:27Thanks, anyway, the chocolate must be break-out.
01:14:30Oh, shit.
01:14:34It's 104!
01:14:50Great jeans!
01:14:52These bells are giving me a migraine.
01:14:59Excuse me.
01:15:02What's your name?
01:15:04Dinko.
01:15:05Mr. Dinko?
01:15:08Would you like to dance with me?
01:15:13I love this woman.
01:15:17Love is a four-letter word.
01:15:20Guess who?
01:15:21Well, it sure ain't Santa Claus.
01:15:23You know you've been waiting so long.
01:15:29We're mad for each other.
01:15:33We were born and raised for each other.
01:15:40Oh, my God!
01:15:42Oh, my God!
01:15:43Oh, my God!
01:15:44Hey!
01:15:45Oh, my God!
01:15:45Oh, my God!
01:15:46Oh, my God!
01:15:46Oh, my God!
01:15:47Oh, my God!
01:15:47Oh, my God!
01:15:48Oh, my God!
01:15:49Oh, my God!
01:15:49Oh, my God!
01:15:50Oh, my God!
01:15:50Oh, my God!
01:15:51Oh, my God!
01:15:51Oh, my God!
01:15:52Oh, my God!
01:15:52Oh, my God!
01:15:52Oh, my God!
01:15:53Oh, my God!
01:15:53Oh, my God!
01:15:53Oh, my God!
01:15:54Oh, my God!
01:15:55Oh, my God!
01:15:55Oh, my God!
01:15:56Oh, my God!
01:15:57Oh, my God!
01:15:57Oh, my God!
01:15:58Oh, my God!
01:15:58Oh, my God!
01:15:59Oh, my God!
01:15:59Oh, my God!
01:16:00Oh, my God!
01:16:01Oh, my God!
01:16:01Oh, my God!
01:16:02Oh, my God!
01:16:03Oh, my God!
01:16:03no i met some great connections to drug school you name it i can get it
01:16:10i know thanks i never touched that stuff hey mellow out and steam
01:16:15sit down and party thanks i i like the view from here
01:16:23you want to change your mind
01:16:24i mean it changed the way i looked at things like the meaning of life depth and sex you left out love
01:16:36i didn't think i had time for that yeah me neither i just wanted to get laid
01:16:42you mean you have an easel when i was a girl we learned latin in school and sex in the streets
01:16:56now how are they gonna learn latin in the streets
01:17:02well i'll have to think about that when mrs fish
01:17:05will you excuse me just for a moment just a moment
01:17:12oh
01:17:18melanie you need new clothes i buy you dress you go out with me see max farouk's got the right idea
01:17:27all you have to do is ask give her an offer she can't refuse melanie i buy you mercedes you go
01:17:37out with me come off it farouk you cannot buy her a mercedes yes i can max
01:17:42i have uh uh four in abu dhabi and many many travelers checks
01:17:49but then what are you doing riding around with me
01:17:52i like you max besides i have chauffeur in abu dhabi
01:17:56oh jeeper i didn't know you were into expensive german cars
01:18:00okay okay okay god but from now on i set my own ships at 450 an hour plus tips you got it
01:18:14excuse me it's the wrong room hey buddy you know where i can get the mice in this roach motel
01:18:28carpenters now give me that bucket
01:18:34give me the bucket oh what did you break it you pay for it hey car do something this guy's got a
01:18:41fur up his butt give me the bucket oh now carpenter
01:18:46you know what's going on in here
01:18:59man turn out the lights yeah well i'm gonna personally turn out the lights on every one of
01:19:03you pups if you don't get the hell out of here hey mister why so tense
01:19:14i'd still be in the closet if they hadn't suggested they try new therapy in the shower
01:19:19so when you're talking about it makes it seem less painful
01:19:22and see at least we're laughing about it i mean it's cool you always look so serious
01:19:27i didn't think you noticed you thought it took someone like liz to get your attention now i look
01:19:33like her i like the way you look better
01:19:40and see at least i don't think you know what's going on in here
01:19:51ernie we got to the celebrating to do okay you're gonna pay for this i'm gonna call the cops
01:19:58hey car man i'm really sorry i just want to get some mice
01:20:04i know a good place to park i'll park anywhere in my stadium
01:20:16i want to make some toast for you max my best friend in united states i thank you for your hostilities
01:20:25there's nothing you know i owe max so many nothings i mean until tonight talking to girls was like
01:20:36relating to aliens from outer space i mean you seem to clue in what i'm saying before i've even said it
01:20:43let's see would you like to um
01:21:11hey what room was that 104 let's get up there
01:21:34you guys it's the police
01:21:37deja vu man it's time to boogie
01:21:50i don't believe this here i am all alone beautiful woman
01:22:04and i could be happy just talking all night long we could just talk no
01:22:20it's
01:22:27it's
01:22:28it's
01:22:30it's
01:22:34it's
01:22:40it's
01:22:42Let me work on this door
01:23:05To ensure privacy
01:23:08What do you mean?
01:23:12You're the phantom?
01:23:21I don't reveal myself to just anybody
01:23:25Neither do I
01:23:27Thank you
01:23:36Thank you
01:23:40Here's to this moment in my life
01:24:00When only my heart can say what's right
01:24:04I hear a voice from somewhere deep inside
01:24:09Here's to the person I've become
01:24:15After the battle's finally won
01:24:19I can look back and say I gave my all
01:24:25I know
01:24:26I know
Comments