The Dream of Finishing One’s To-Do List in “Retirement Plan”

The New Yorker

In John Kelly’s animated short film, nothing’s off limits when it comes to thinking about the future—particularly when there’s so much left to do.

Transcript

00:00When I retire, I will reply to every email I've ever flagged.

00:30I will clean up my desktop.

00:36I'll read the 35 years of saved articles on my reading list.

00:43I will finish all those books I started.

00:49I will play the lifetime of computer games I missed out on.

00:55I'll birdwatch.

00:58I'll learn magpies are beautiful but terrifying.

01:03I'll learn the names of trees and know which spring flowers bloom first.

01:11I will swim every morning.

01:15I will learn to play a single piano piece exceptionally well.

01:20Write a devastating yet optimistic piece of poetry.

01:31When I retire, I will get a dog.

01:34I will get a cat.

01:39I will start with a fish.

01:43Maybe, maybe a terrapin.

01:46I will learn how a terrapin is different from a turtle and how that affects my choice.

01:53I will hike.

01:56I will see a point in hiking.

01:58I will know when a walk becomes a hike.

02:02I will get so good at meditation.

02:10I will be so present.

02:13So aggressively present.

02:15Then, I will patch that hole, replace that button.

02:21I will learn how to juggle, not just a three ball cascade, Rubenstein's revenge.

02:27I will organize my digital photos, then my wardrobe, then my drawers, then my pantry, inspired by that book about organizing that I finally read.

02:36I will have to buy so many plastic boxes.

02:42Retired me will have so much money as a result of the pension I haven't yet started.

02:49I will find out what a pension is.

02:52I will order wine by year and specific area of Italy, grazie, but not in an annoying way.

03:01I will learn to like whiskey.

03:05I will get good at saying yes.

03:08I will get better at saying no.

03:12I will cry more.

03:17And less.

03:21When I retire, I will make the perfect meatball and pair it with the 2019 red from Tuscany.

03:29The rain that year.

03:31My God, you can taste it.

03:36I'll smoke weed all day long.

03:39Or try some other drugs.

03:42I'll Google micro dosing and start there.

03:48I will stretch.

03:49I will yoga.

03:50I'll drink eight glasses of water every day.

03:51I'll sleep for eight hours every night.

03:53I will see a play.

03:55I will see if I like plays.

03:56I'll give back.

03:57I'll know who to give back to and why I want to give back to them more than the others.

04:02I will eat more vegetables.

04:03I will eat more vegetables.

04:04I will grow a vegetable.

04:05I will grow a vegetable.

04:06I will find out what to do with a leek.

04:07I will find out what to do with a leek.

04:08I will find out what a leek looks like.

04:09I'll fight a man.

04:10I'll kill a fish.

04:11I'll drive one of those airport cars.

04:12I'll travel more.

04:35of those airport cars. Nobody's going to stop me. I'll travel more. I'll travel more. I'll travel

04:42more. I'll get a telescope. Get into camping. No! Camping is horrible! I will finally find my

04:51sport. I will paraglide. I will not paraglide. I'll move to a town by the sea.

05:05I've always loved towns by the sea. I'll remember to breathe. I will learn to speak

05:18another language. I will learn to tell people how I feel. I will take better care of myself.

05:26I will take better care of my body. I will take better care of my teeth. I will take better

05:37care of my mind. Meet up with that person. Have that conversation.

05:45I will go to an art gallery. I'll want to be there once I get there. I will completely

06:01nail my final words. I will haunt the absolute shit out of my sixth class enemy, Deirdre Hogan.

06:20I will finally know if you have the time you have and then it ends. Or if there is more

06:32time.

07:02time you have to go.

07:21you

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