- 2 days ago
No one is safe when Nikki Glaser takes the mic! Join us as we count down the most ruthless, jaw-dropping burns delivered by this comedy roast queen. From celebrity takedowns to dating disasters, these insults left audiences both gasping and howling with laughter. Who got destroyed the worst? Watch and find out!
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00:00It's RFK junioring out like he's got tan lung. I mean, that's stage two. I don't know.
00:07I'm no health expert, but neither is he. I mean, welcome to Ms. Mojo. And today we're
00:13counting down our picks for the most ruthless wisecracks made by the fearless and foul-mouthed
00:17comedian Nikki Glaser. You were tired, then you came back and then you retired again. I mean,
00:22I get it. It's hard to walk away from something that's not your pregnant girlfriend. It's tough.
00:26Number 10. Rudy Giuliani's blood alcohol content.
00:31But since I'm hosting a late night show, I just thought it would be
00:34appropriate to roast some politicians while I'm here.
00:37In an unforgettable appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Nikki delivered a rapid and relentless
00:42fire of insults directed specifically towards politicians. The best one, perhaps, was her
00:47dig into Rudy Giuliani. Besides casually calling him a rodent, she also highlighted an extreme
00:53decline in the public's support for his character, using some hilarious numbers.
00:57Oh, this rodent. Rudy Giuliani.
01:00Rudy Giuliani, 9-11 was your shining achievement and now it's your blood alcohol level.
01:07While other comedians have attacked Giuliani's unusual personality,
01:11few have done it as quickly and effectively as Glaser. Comparing him to O.J. Simpson might have
01:17been the most diabolical line. But hey, nothing is sacred if it's funny, right?
01:21No one has squandered a legacy more than you. You used to be a hero and now everyone hates you.
01:26It's like, I mean, I guess it's nice that white people finally have our O.J. Simpson.
01:31Number 9. Keeping it Kevin Hart.
01:34But this next roaster, this next roaster is amazing, guys. It's Nikki Glaser and her new comedy special
01:39is called Someday You'll Die.
01:42Kevin Hart might have opened the roast of Tom Brady, but it was Nikki Glaser who arguably stole
01:47the show. She certainly didn't limit her comments to the football player as she snuck in a clever
01:52jab at fellow comedian Kevin Hart. You really gotta hand it to Kevin Hart because he can't reach.
02:02The actor's height has no shortage of jokes surrounding it and Glaser leaned right into that
02:07idea. She took shots at the quality of his films, making sure to use words like short and reach to
02:12reinforce the obvious but loving insult. Hart's reaction was priceless, loving every minute of
02:19the bantering assaults. She rounded out her time on the stand with a promise to keep the monologue
02:23miniature, with an absolutely nail-biting metaphor.
02:27I gotta go, but I just, I have one more thing to say and I promise to keep it Kevin Hart.
02:32I-
02:32Number 8. Observing her own age.
02:39That's a woman's age. Like, I am a woman. But I don't feel like one most of the time. I'm still
02:45feeling like a girl a lot of times. Like, I'm still relating to Taylor Swift songs on a level I
02:48definitely shouldn't, you know? Nikki's zingers are all-inclusive, and that includes self-referential
02:54humor. In her absolutely superb stand-up special Perfect, she takes a moment to make fun of herself.
03:00She outlines the current and extremely awkward time in her life, which involves pop stars,
03:05social media, and uncomfortable concerns about an aging body.
03:09I'm on Snapchat, you know? But like a Google Bunyan surgery every day, so...
03:15Looking into that.
03:17She even compares her insecurities to the four-legged canine physique,
03:20but the main bullet point is her honest contemplation of self-worth.
03:24I'm just, like, not where I should be, I feel, as a 31-year-old. I don't want a lot
03:28of things that, uh, girls my age want. I don't want kids. I do want a baby, though.
03:33The whole bit is self-aware about her professional and personal situation,
03:37and it amusingly reflects on her perceived shortcomings, while acknowledging the steps
03:41that she may need to take to move forward. And the connection she makes between babies
03:46and puppies is priceless.
03:47I, uh, yeah, I just feel like I'm past my prime to have kids a little bit. Like,
03:51I feel like I should have done it in my teens. Like, that would have been the best time.
03:55Number 7. David Spade's haircut.
03:57David Spade, you guys! Keep it going!
04:02David Spade, the host with the most stepstools in your apartment.
04:07In the friendly firing of insults that occurred during Comedy Central's roast of Rob Lowe,
04:11Nikki Glaser lifted her joke-telling boxing gloves against David Spade.
04:16Emperor Kuzco himself introduced the comedian,
04:19ensuring to work in jovial insults about her looks and her television show.
04:23Some people say Nikki Glaser's only here because she's good-looking.
04:27Nothing could be further from the truth.
04:30While met in good spirits, Nikki fired back quickly with some vicious retorts.
04:35His height was low-hanging fruit, you might say.
04:37But she went even further than that.
04:39She mockingly observed his haircut.
04:42Suggesting that it had inadvertently influenced members of the opposite sex.
04:45David, you've seriously influenced so many female comics' haircuts.
04:51She went on to acknowledge several others, including Peyton Manning.
04:55Her subtextual slay that compared Peyton to Tom Brady is one for the stand-up history books.
05:00I don't know much about football, but I love Peyton in commercials.
05:05You're like, you're so good at him, like legitimately.
05:08I'd say you're the greatest of all time.
05:10I'd say, like, you're like the Tom Brady of being in commercials, you know?
05:14Like, the greatest.
05:16Number six, taking on Ed Norton.
05:18This is honestly a real big personal moment for me.
05:22When Comedy Central decided to roast Bruce Willis,
05:25Nikki took the opportunity to come for famed actor Edward Norton.
05:28Besides making a Pinocchio-related quip about his general appearance,
05:32she also cited Fight Club, one of his most famous movies, in order to land the joke.
05:36Ed looks to me like if a marionette became a boy, and then that boy became an a**hole.
05:43Both the crowd and Norton responded with electricity, proving that her comedic prowess and awareness
05:48of pop culture were two of her strongest assets.
05:51Norton has an arguable reputation of being difficult on set,
05:55and that common knowledge may have helped the insult land.
05:58Based on his laughter, though, it seemed that Tyler Durden's alternate personality
06:02was smiling and steering into the comedic skid.
06:05He was so hot in Fight Club, right?
06:09When he was Brad Pitt.
06:11That was nuts.
06:13Number five, film versus TV.
06:16Well, tonight we celebrate the best of film and hold space for television.
06:22The discrepancy between TV and film is a famous clash in the history of many award shows like this one.
06:28TV has often been considered the younger brother of the movies, even if a bit unfairly.
06:33We have got some huge movie stars here tonight.
06:36Kate Winslet is here.
06:37Cate Blanchett.
06:40Colin Farrell.
06:42Nikki cited CBS and Paramount Plus right at the beginning,
06:46pulling the evolution of streaming into the mix.
06:48She went further, listing actors who have appeared in both film and television,
06:53implying that their appearances in each medium were arguably important.
06:56And let's not forget, let's not forget so many huge TV stars as well.
07:00Kate Winslet, Cate Blanchett, Colin Farrell.
07:06But even in her encouragement of television's new iterations,
07:09she found a great way to stick her comedic skewer into streaming platforms like Peacock.
07:14It's about a top secret elite sniper that no one can find because he's on Peacock.
07:21Number four, calling out Ann Coulter.
07:23What's it like to be like a real life supervillain?
07:27You know, like...
07:28If there ever was a way to acknowledge great accomplishments while also taking shots at opposing viewpoints,
07:33this invasion of trigger words did so.
07:36When recognizing the presence of conservative Ann Coulter,
07:39Nikki Glaser drew parallels between the public figure and some pretty despicable historical parties.
07:44And without furor ado, Ann Coulter!
07:46She made sure to give nods to Coulter's work as a writer, albeit in a complicated context.
07:55Ann Coulter has written 11 books, 12 if you count Mein Kampf.
08:00Yes.
08:01Regardless, though, it seems sincere.
08:04Somehow, Glaser found a way to imply an association with Cruella de Vil while still respecting Coulter and her presence in the media.
08:12If we dissected the monologue, it would be much up for debate.
08:16But what is indisputable is the hilarity that Glaser brought to such a situation.
08:20I'd ask you how you sleep at night, but I'd assume just upside down in a robe of 101 Dalmatians.
08:27Number three, calling DJ Khaled useless.
08:30It's not equal.
08:32And I think some of it is because when men go, I'm not into it, we go, yeah, you're right.
08:36I wouldn't either.
08:37It's fine.
08:38You're probably right.
08:39And it's, don't worry about it.
08:40It's not my birthday.
08:41Raunchy topics are Nikki Glaser's bread and butter.
08:44She's better than most about working dirty content into her acts in an effective and intelligent way.
08:49Not you.
08:50Like, you're nuts.
08:51You're, your mouth is wet.
08:53It looks like you already were.
08:55And I just, can I just have my pizza and you go, okay?
08:58I don't know why.
08:59So, it was no surprise when she referenced a statement by artist DJ Khaled that she made this zinger stick perfectly.
09:06Khaled stated that he was reluctant to perform a specific service for his female companions.
09:11And Glaser called him out on his lack of enthusiasm.
09:14I didn't know you could get any more worthless.
09:16Like, what do you do?
09:19The comment also implied that his overall contribution as a musician was questionable as well.
09:24Though she didn't spend too much time dwelling on it.
09:27She also commented on the same subject with Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
09:30Though she approached that one from a more original direction.
09:33But only with the crust cut off first.
09:36Isn't that his luck?
09:39Number 2.
09:40Connecting Diddy, Zendaya, and Stanley Tucci.
09:43No baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil, okay?
09:47Nikki made sure that her Golden Globe's opening monologue had just the right touch of current events,
09:53acknowledgements of the biggest actors of the moment,
09:55and prods at the most praised movies of the year.
09:58In a fierce line, she implied that Dune might have been a bit more boring than critics would admit.
10:04While also commending Zendaya's presence in the story.
10:07Zendaya, you were incredible in Dune.
10:10Oh my god, I woke up for all of your scenes.
10:13You are so good.
10:16The scandal surrounding Diddy was inescapable in 2024's pop cultural news.
10:21And she made sure to reference that as well.
10:23I mean, that movie was more sexually charged than Diddy's credit card.
10:26I mean, seriously.
10:28She finished the joke off with a warm-hearted but bold tie-in to Stanley Tucci.
10:33Connecting all of those stars might be a leap difficult for even Evel Knievel,
10:38but Glazer found a way to make it work.
10:40I know, a Stanley Tucci freak-off just doesn't have the same ring to it, but...
10:45Before we continue, be sure to subscribe to our channel
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11:01Number 1. Tom Brady's rings.
11:03Tom, I didn't really know a ton about your career before this,
11:07and I only really started watching football when Taylor Swift said it was okay.
11:11A lot can be said about Tom Brady.
11:13From his iffy final appearance as an NFL quarterback
11:16to the breakup with his ex-wife Gisele Bundchen,
11:18Nikki Glazer rocked it during Brady's roast,
11:21and one of her best chucklesome interjections was this one.
11:24She found a way to simultaneously acknowledge his achievements
11:27in Super Bowl ring accumulation
11:28while also stabbing at the recent and tumultuous end to his marriage.
11:32The only thing dumber than you saying yes to this roast was when you said,
11:35hey babe, you should try jujitsu.
11:37I think that was...
11:39While some might have stood on an uncomfortable edge while listening to her delivery,
11:43it definitely displayed her ability to tackle extremely sensitive topics
11:47with brave audacity and fearless charm.
11:49You were a six-round draft pick that really everyone kind of counted out,
11:53no one believed in, and then you became this,
11:56you became the greatest of all time.
11:58If comedy does indeed exist to push the limits of society,
12:02this joke shows that Nikki Glazer is more than willing to accept that responsibility.
12:06You have seven rings.
12:08Well, eight now that Gisele gave hers back, but...
12:10What are your favorite Nikki Glazer burns?
12:16Let us know in the comments.
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