The Romantic Thesis of Us [Full]

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Transcript

00:01Ten seconds, and I'll have Leo falling all over me.

00:05Leo, right?

00:07Call my wife. I want to meet her.

00:09Mr. Brian, you're not supposed to fall for your students.

00:13Who wrote this? Psychology of Love.

00:16The Psychology of Love paper is not based on any hard data.

00:19How about a video of him saying that he loves you?

00:22Step one to Mia's love theory?

00:24Create controlled chaos.

00:26He's a total fuckboy, and he hooks up with girls all night.

00:30Do you have a boyfriend?

00:31I found something on her list.

00:34Step number three, spice things up with a little physical contact.

00:38You're not really the type.

00:40I've dropped into your divorce papers.

00:42We were both named Mia, so we were obviously friends.

00:45Do you know, uh, Mia?

00:47What?

00:48Same name, hometown, and birthday.

00:51See that?

00:53My son gave this to you, right?

00:55My friend, she lost this necklace trying to get it back to her.

00:58Do you want a divorce?

01:00Please!

01:01How would you do that?

01:03He's playing.

01:04Do you like me?

01:05Actually, I'm married.

01:07Leo, Brian, and Mia Rose.

01:10He's my husband.

01:12You're the real Mia.

01:16My Mia.

01:18As a student of love philosophy, today is the first time I've been invited to a costume party.

01:32And I'm gonna wow them all.

01:34Until...

01:35What is she wearing?

01:37Oh my god, that's so embarrassing.

01:40I didn't think you'd come.

01:44This outfit is a choice.

01:47Did I come to the wrong place?

01:50Everyone, our love expert, Mia.

01:54She's dressed a bit special today.

01:56So it's the perfect time for everyone to get to know her.

02:01Well, you think you write the psychology of love and you're some kind of love group?

02:07I thought this was Professor Brain's costume party.

02:10Oh, you received this invitation?

02:14Sorry.

02:15Yours is fake.

02:17We made it for you, Dr. Love.

02:21Let's post it.

02:23Entitled it, The Funny Girl Breakdown.

02:26The Love Psychologist Exposed.

02:29That's enough.

02:45What are you all doing here?

02:48Weren't you supposed to be welcoming the school's sponsor?

02:51Yes, we are welcoming the sponsor, but...

02:55I've seen how you're welcoming me.

02:58Are you okay?

03:00I was seriously over the line.

03:02Yeah, they used my research against me.

03:05Screw them!

03:07I mean, you're amazing.

03:08They're just jealous of how brilliant you are.

03:11Still pretending to be an academic?

03:14Maybe your next paper should be titled,

03:17How to Public Yourself Under Embarrass.

03:21Alright, Amy.

03:22Let's make this interesting.

03:25Ten seconds.

03:27And I'll have Leo falling all over me.

03:30Are you dreaming?

03:32You're crazy.

03:34If you're wrong, then you have to apologize to me in front of everyone.

03:39And if I lose, then I will delete my thesis.

03:45And I will admit that I'm a fraud.

03:47Do.

03:48Leo.

03:49Right?

03:50It was really cool what you did over there.

03:53Mia?

03:54And do you remember my name?

03:55It's hard to forget someone who comes to a reception dressed as a Vegas showgirl.

04:00I thought excellence came from boldness.

04:01Or is that just a theory?

04:02I know what you did.

04:03I know what you did.

04:04I know what you did.

04:05I know what you did.

04:06I know what you did.

04:07I know what you did.

04:08I know what you did.

04:09I know what you did.

04:10Right?

04:11It was really cool what you did over there.

04:12It was really cool what you did over there.

04:13Mia?

04:14And do you remember my name?

04:15It's hard to forget someone who comes to a reception dressed as a Vegas showgirl.

04:17I thought excellence came from boldness.

04:20Or is that just a theory?

04:33Wait.

04:38Her earring is caught on my couch.

04:47Her earring is caught on thearm.

04:52It's in the eyes.

04:58Oh ho, oh oh.

05:02Oh ho, oh, oh oh.

05:06Oh ho, oh, oh, oh ho.

05:09It's no meaning of mine.

05:13Oh ho, oh ho oh.

05:16I can't take no more life

05:20There's something in your life

05:25Find out everything you can about Mia

05:30Oh, and call my wife

05:34I want to meet her

05:35Got it?

05:46You said ten seconds

05:51I counted six

05:52I mean, that was insane

05:54You had the whole room holding their breath

05:56Even Leo

05:57Step one to Mia's love theory

05:59Create controlled chaos

06:01And what was the result?

06:03Chemistry 1A

06:04Dopamine activation

06:06Hello?

06:10So she crashed an exclusive dinner

06:16Forged the invitation

06:19Put on the performance

06:21And calls it research

06:22I think there might be some misunderstanding

06:24I mean, she was at the top of her psychology department

06:28Perfect GPA, no disciplinary record

06:30Place of Earth, Oregon?

06:36Just like her

06:37How's it going with the meeting with my wife?

06:40Oh, all set

06:41It's today

06:42My husband wants to meet me today

06:49Seriously?

06:51That prick didn't even go to the wedding

06:52You're gonna see him

06:53Nope

06:54Love is the last thing I need to be happy

06:57Do you take this man to be your husband?

07:14I do

07:15There, Mom

07:21Now I am married to a stranger

07:23Who lives thousands of miles away

07:25I hope you're happy

07:27My parents arranged the marriage before they died

07:31I haven't even met the man

07:34I need to get a divorce

07:35ASAP

07:37Lily!

07:42Oh my gosh

07:44Long time no see

07:45What are our plans?

07:49I need you to pretend to be me

07:52And divorce my husband that I've never met

07:54Hold on

07:55Why me?

07:56Because

07:56You know me better than anyone

07:59And you have

08:01A ton of experience

08:03Handling jerks

08:04Girl, you called me because of that

08:05No, wait, Lily, Lily

08:07Say no more

08:15When are we gonna do that?

08:17Well...

08:18Oh my god

08:36Mia's husband is just my type

08:39Are you Leo Bryan?

08:44Yes

08:44Please

08:45Sit

08:46I'm sorry I've been MIA since we got married

08:56I'll make it up to you

08:59This marriage was our parents' idea

09:01But I'll put you through college

09:03You can divorce after you graduate

09:06Actually, I...

09:09I know you have a lot of student debt

09:10You're welcome to move in with me

09:14Let me think about it

09:25Let me know when you've thought it over

09:27Oh, it's okay

09:34I've got this

09:35See you later

09:40See you later

09:42Oh my god, girl!

10:00Lily!

10:00Oh my gosh

10:01Tell me everything that happened

10:02Your husband is so ugly

10:04And dirt poor tooth

10:06I mean, he even tried to fill me up

10:08You dodged a bullet

10:09Wait, Lily

10:10I'm so sorry

10:11Are you okay?

10:13Well

10:13No problem

10:15Because I just kicked him

10:16Right in the family's nose

10:18So just forget that he ever existed, okay?

10:22Okay

10:22Well, let me at least make you dinner

10:25Please, it's the least I can do

10:29Rejected

10:32The psychology of love paper

10:34Is not based on any hard data

10:36Then what do you want me to do?

10:40Find the perfect man

10:42Back at the perfect man

10:43And then get back to me

10:44Good luck with it

10:45Who is the perfect guy?

11:00What are you gonna do?

11:01Graduation's in three months

11:03Yeah

11:03And don't forget about your student loans, girl

11:05I mean

11:05You need a guinea pig

11:07And a fast

11:07Leo Bryan

11:14He's a visiting professor here

11:17Wow

11:18Fate is working overtime with you two

11:21You're not supposed to fall for your students

11:22You're not supposed to fall for your students

11:33Back to her with Mia

11:42It'll be a piece of cake

11:45I'll just implement step two of Mia's

11:48Wrong

11:49Men are visual creatures

11:51You need to catch his eye first

11:53Brian Technologies is investing in a new research project on companionship AI

12:03This is mortifying

12:05I thought he was the only one here

12:07And I'm looking for an assistant

12:10We are the obvious choice

12:26Amy and I are the perfect choice for this project

12:30As you may know

12:31Amy's dad is the CEO

12:33Stop!

12:34Connections won't get you anywhere with me

12:35Go

12:36I'm not repeating myself

12:39He really is the perfect guy

12:45You

12:46Go

12:47Me?

12:48Why?

12:49I don't want anybody working for me who is more concerned about clothes than research

12:55Who wrote this?

13:04Psychology of Love

13:06You're right?

13:08That's one of the best records I've ever read

13:14Your full name is Mia Rose

13:19The one and only

13:21Says here you were born in Oregon

13:23Sister city

13:24To be exact

13:25Do you have a boyfriend?

13:27Absolutely

13:29Positively

13:31100% no

13:33Holy shit

13:35He's interrogating me about my love life in front of everyone

13:39Oh

13:40Oh

13:41He is so in love with me

13:43Her name is identical to my wife's

13:46And she's from the same city

13:54You got the job

13:55Everyone else can go

13:57Sorry

13:58Thank you Professor Bryan

14:03Just keep things professional

14:04Or you're done

14:06Just do your job

14:08Step number three

14:09And Mia's guide to romance

14:11Spice things up with a little physical contact

14:13Step number three and Mia's guide to romance

14:15Spice things up with a little physical contact

14:18Just making sure my boss looks good

14:25I wanna hold you

14:27Under the red moon

14:31Me?

14:32I'd be more worried about yourself

14:34My grandma wouldn't wear that dress

14:36Well your grandma should wash your mouth out with soap for talking to me that way

14:40Hansen

14:41Familiarize her with the project over the next few days

14:51Understood

14:53Listen up Lily

14:55Rinse on me this month

14:59What?

15:00You became a Miss Moneybags all of a sudden?

15:03This is Lee O'Brien

15:06This is Leo Brian, and I'm going to be his research assistant.

15:12Um, Leo Brian, do you know he's your husband?

15:15McGannie Pink?

15:16Yeah.

15:17I have to make him fall in love with me if I'm going to pass this semester.

15:21Girl, listen to me.

15:23I've heard he's a total fuckboy, and he hooks up with girls all night.

15:28Please, stay away from him.

15:36I have nowhere to go. You said you would take care of me.

15:55Because we're married, right?

16:03So, where are we sleeping today?

16:06Just stay in your own lane. You can have the upstairs.

16:09This is all going to be mine one day.

16:14Leo, you're gonna fall for me whether you like it or not.

16:21Professor Brian still hasn't asked you out.

16:23No?

16:24You know, I'm starting to think that maybe my method doesn't actually work.

16:34You should ask your roommate, Lily. Guy's over.

16:37Not my roommate anymore.

16:39She just moved in with her new boyfriend.

16:42They're so jealous that you're like this with Professor Brian.

16:46Listen, I hate to be a bummer, but everyone's saying this dude's way out of your league.

16:50Bullshit! I am nice, I am hardworking, and I have my masters.

16:55What, I'm out of that moody weirdo's league?

16:59Uh, I know, I know, I am Professor Jackoff, and I am a total asshole.

17:06You're right. I never shut up, and I love to hear the sound of my own voice.

17:12He aggravates me more than anyone I have ever met.

17:15Whoa...

17:44What a coincidence. If it isn't my favorite professor.

17:49I didn't realize you were so two-faced.

17:53I came here to invite you to the club tomorrow, but...

18:00A fancy date? It's happening.

18:08I mean, I can't believe it. Leo really asked you out.

18:11Finally. It's my turn.

18:14Hmm, Mia, I've heard you're going to the country club with Mr. Leo Bryant tomorrow.

18:24Yeah.

18:26You don't have to worry about me. You're such a good friend.

18:31But now I need to go pick out my outfit for tomorrow. Go, girl.

18:42Oh, I'm sorry, Mia.

18:44Leo is mine.

18:49Step four in Mia's Guide to Romance, A-B-S.

18:53Always be smiling.

19:07Hi.

19:08This is a very important meeting. I'll keep up the samples I mentioned in my notes.

19:13Peter?

19:14Leo!

19:15What the fuck?

19:23Come on, hurry up.

19:26This notes must have been in the invite. Where did it go?

19:29Mia, come on.

19:30Get your head in the gate.

19:32Hi, I'm Brian. Good to see you. Long time no see. How have you been?

19:47Good.

19:47Should we have a ghost?

19:48We should. Thank you.

19:49Oh, I brought the samples that you asked for.

19:53Yeah.

19:53Mia, you want to show them?

19:55Mia, samples.

20:06Sample?

20:06You must be starving.

20:15Honey, I'm not feeling well. I shouldn't have drunk on an empty stomach.

20:18Research shows that skipping breakfast is a big no-no, so why don't you eat first and we'll

20:28talk later.

20:29Thank you. Mr. Brian, your girlfriend is such a sweetheart.

20:33Everyone needs a lot of a business. It's just a nice change of pace.

20:36Huh. Yeah, she's a great girl. One second.

20:41Okay, we should eat.

20:43Let's tackle the air, shall we?

20:44Are you trying to embarrass me?

20:50I thought this was a date.

20:53A date? Really? You're into your professor?

20:58I...

21:00I...

21:05Don't misunderstand this. You're only here because Anne's is busy.

21:10Of course.

21:12It's professional.

21:14The jetty's ready.

21:18Let's continue the conversation on our island, Mr. Brian.

21:22Great. Lead the way.

21:27I just can't get your break, can I?

21:32Hey, how are things going with Professor Hottie?

21:35Not good. I'm an idiot. I thought it was a date and it's not and I'm out on my ass.

21:40Fuck this!

21:41This day just keeps getting worse and worse!

21:56Thinking how loud I'm thinking

21:59I don't even wanna play this game

22:03Leo?

22:12Leo?

22:13You came?

22:18Run and don't make a sound

22:20I don't wanna be found

22:21Screw him and don't let me down

22:23Oh, let me make it up

22:25I couldn't leave you here alone.

22:31You are my assistant after all

22:33That is very nice of you

22:38I'm sorry about it earlier

22:39I didn't explain myself quite clearly

22:42But you did well

22:44You shouldn't push yourself

22:47Here, take this

22:48I'm gonna get you all wet

22:50I'm gonna get you all wet

22:53Don't worry about me. I got this

22:54I'm gonna get you all wet

23:06Don't worry about me. I got this

23:08We are just trying to leave the lost and bound

23:12I need to trip you forever

23:18Tonight's the night we make an air

23:21It's okay, I can do it myself

23:28You got something to drink?

23:31I'm good

23:31What's wrong?

23:34I got it

23:36Just an example

23:39That's how I let go

23:43Damn it

23:45Do you always have random hookups?

23:54There's a lesson from your professor

23:57Every conclusion

24:00Needs evidence

24:02To back it up

24:04Would you like to find out?

24:11He is so sexy

24:24I almost forgot what his lips taste like

24:31How many girls have just melted looking in those eyes

24:38But I'm a professor

24:41I won't take advantage of you

24:45Seems like a gentleman to me

24:48I've heard he's a total fuckboy

24:51And he hooks up with girls all night

24:54So why did Lily say that?

25:01Miss Rose

25:02I've drafted your divorce papers

25:04Thank you, Harvey

25:09Mia is married?

25:16Thank you, Harvey

25:18Was that your parents?

25:25No, actually my parents are dead

25:27I'm sorry

25:31I'll take you home

25:33You really don't have to do that

25:37Thanks for the ride

25:44Where were you?

25:45We were waiting for you

25:47It's kind of a thing

25:48Sorry

25:48It's okay

25:50We were just

25:51I was scared shitless

25:53Okay

25:53I'm glad you're alright

25:55Hey

25:58Miss Rose

25:59Got home safe

26:01So

26:01I'm off to the bar

26:02Oh, uh

26:04There was some guy there

26:05Though he was like

26:06Pushing her around

26:07What?

26:08Who?

26:10I couldn't get a good look at him

26:12But

26:13They went inside

26:14Together

26:15Now

26:16She is obviously after you

26:19So

26:20Why don't you just fire her?

26:22We need her expertise

26:23As a professor

26:25I should keep an eye on her

26:27Yeah, good excuse

26:29Look into her supposed husband

26:32We haven't spent any time together

26:51Could you please sleep with me tonight?

26:55We're getting a divorce after you graduate

26:59So don't get any ideas

27:01I'll come back after you're dressed

27:06Won't let real Niamh take you away from me

27:16Wait, so he carried you home

27:27He's totally in love with you

27:29Advanced congratulations on graduating early

27:32It's him

27:35Stay the fuck away from me

27:42We are never going to happen

27:45He's playing me like a damn puppet

27:49You know how men are

27:51They treat women like easy come easy go

27:54It's textbook Matthew effect

27:57I shook my hand too soon

27:59Don't give up that easy

28:00We still have plan B

28:02The cold shoulder

28:04Maybe he's just stubborn

28:07Take this

28:12It was developed by my department

28:14It can monitor the wearers

28:16Heartbeat

28:17And brainwaves

28:18Emma

28:19You are a genius

28:22Lee O'Brien

28:24You ain't seen nothing yet

28:26Eating alone, Professor Bryan?

28:39I usually lunch on my own, but you're welcome to join me

28:43Sorry for the misunderstanding

28:57I just wanted to borrow this

29:00You're not really my type

29:02Oh yeah, nice work

29:19He's definitely jealous

29:22How can feelings just disappear like that?

29:40Enough

29:41How can you say I'm not her type?

29:46It seems like you care about her more than you should, Professor

29:50I found something

29:52On her husband

29:54Seems like she's secretly married

30:01None of her classmates know

30:03We need a PI

30:05She's too innocent

30:10I'm afraid that someone was going to take advantage of her

30:12I've heard a lot of guys on campus are after her

30:16She lives in a shady part of town

30:19Girls in bars get her ass there all the time

30:22Professor Bryan, I need the afternoon off

30:31Why?

30:32Well, if you must know, I have a date

30:36With who?

30:38Now that is really none of your business

30:41You can't

30:43I need you this afternoon

30:45Miss Assistant

30:47And it's totally working

30:57He's taking me shopping

30:58Careful

31:00Who are you talking to?

31:04It's private

31:05And what, are you trying to spy on your assistant?

31:08Why don't you help me pick something out?

31:12Which one do you like?

31:20Try it on

31:21It's for a birthday present

31:24How did you know that tomorrow's my birthday?

31:28Tomorrow's your birthday?

31:30Under the red moon

31:35Only a blanket of stars

31:38To keep us warm

31:41Same name, hometown, and birthday

31:45Way too many coincidences

31:48And I'm starting to think that we have never

31:52These are gorgeous

31:55Are they really for me?

32:00I...

32:01Actually, they're...

32:02A gift for someone else

32:05If I didn't know better

32:09I think this Mia was my wife

32:11Sorry

32:12My mistake

32:15Shit, is he interested in someone else?

32:20Pick up the pace, Mia

32:21Mia

32:36Mia

32:36Hold on

32:37You look beautiful in them

32:44Now why would you give me something so nice?

32:48If you don't look good

32:49It makes me look like a bad boss

32:50Here

32:53Have this fitness bracelet as a gift

32:57Hey, what's up?

33:07Yes, I will see you at the bar later tonight

33:09Who are you going out with?

33:17Who are you going out with?

33:18I am off the clock, boss

33:21Don't worry about me

33:22She lives in a shady part of town

33:26Girls in bars get harassed there all the time

33:30You can't go out to a bar at night

33:33It's dangerous

33:34What?

33:35Do you like me or something?

33:39Just admit you're jealous

33:41You're not going out tonight

33:43You're going back to the lab

33:47To run some tests

33:48But I need to be ASAP

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