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00:00Visualize who you want to be and show up as her every damn day."
00:06That girl is the new standard of self-care and self-improvement we're all failing to
00:10live up to.
00:11That girl's promise is that if you get up early every morning, exercise, eat healthful
00:15and photogenic meals, write in your journal and buy all the right skincare products and
00:20apps, you too can become that girl — the one who's at the top of her game and living
00:24her best life.
00:25All you need to start doing is building your new life, starting today and moving forward.
00:30But this trend that's taken over TikTok and YouTube since 2021 is a performance that seems
00:36kind of exhausting, and turning self-care into a job misses the whole point of what wellness
00:41really is.
00:42The trend is an extension of life hacking, an idea which rose to popularity in the 2010s,
00:47that you can make your existence radically easier by optimizing how you carry out certain
00:51tasks.
00:52The that girl trend specifically offers ways to hack wellness, underlining that, as the
01:07conversation around mental health and wellness becomes ever more mainstream, in the process
01:11these things have been commodified and even turned into yet more venues for productivity.
01:17The that girl trend basically implies the point of having good mental health is to be more efficient,
01:22efficient, and successful within the capitalist system.
01:25But while that girl's lifestyle promises shortcuts toward fulfillment, does it actually create
01:30more work and raise expectations for women yet higher, especially when we're just seeing
01:36social media curations of a perfectly healthy life?
01:39In critiques of that girl, as well as fictional on-screen characters who present an exhaustingly
01:44perfect image, we can see how this type is turning healthy lifestyle choices into more ways
01:49for us all to not measure up.
01:51I sent my wellness coach a drop of my blood, and she told me which foods go best with my
01:56blood type.
01:57So it's lots and lots of greens, and lean proteins, and no legumes.
02:01Here's our take on that girl, and how the irony of turning mindfulness into a productivity
02:06tool is a perfect mirror of so many modern cultural problems.
02:10Day four of becoming my highest self.
02:17If you're new here, be sure to subscribe, and hit the bell to be notified about all of
02:21our new videos.
02:23I have a formula for mental health.
02:30You do something for your mind, something for your body, and something for your soul every
02:33day.
02:34If you're undoubtedly positive that society has become more open about discussing mental
02:37health, are we talking about it in the right way to effect real change?
02:41The theory that underpins a lot of that girl's mental health content is mindfulness, the practice
02:46of being fully in the moment and not overly influenced, overwhelmed by or reactive to external
02:51factors.
02:52It's just focusing on yourself and taking care of yourself and being mindful.
02:57But mindfulness, originally a Buddhist concept, has been co-opted by Western cultures in a way
03:01that's changed how it works arguably beyond all recognition, and that's potentially limited
03:07its mental benefits.
03:08Mindfulness is about a profound acceptance of the present moment as it is, including how
03:12much we can't change it.
03:14It involves not resisting the full discomfort of life, and letting go of the fantasy that
03:18we could ever fully escape discomfort by controlling reality, bending every detail to our will.
03:24But mindfulness, as co-opted by Western culture, has become yet another productivity technique,
03:29something to fit into your day as you go on misguidedly pursuing the illusion of control.
03:34While self-care and self-improvement come up in almost every That Girl video, so does
03:38work, implying that becoming That Girl will in effect make you a better worker.
03:42I change into my workout clothes and do a 30 minute workout, which has so many benefits
03:46like heart health, increased productivity.
03:48Originally, mindfulness comes from cultures that value community and interdependence.
03:53According to psychologist Dr. Michael Poulin, practicing mindfulness in this context increases
03:58pro-social actions.
03:59However, in commercialized mindfulness like the That Girl trend, the focus isn't on
04:03interdependence, but independence.
04:06Just as so much of today's time management industry is about maximizing time for yourself,
04:10completely under your control.
04:12An idea that comes up in almost every That Girl video of becoming the best version of yourself.
04:18Always deliver the best version of yourself.
04:21And when the focus is on this form of independent control, Dr. Poulin reveals that mindfulness
04:25decreases pro-social behavior.
04:27That Girl's focus on fad diets and expensive skin care regimens also suggest that mental
04:31health problems are something you can buy your way out of, or fix through superficial lifestyle
04:36changes.
04:37For some reason, I kind of get the vibe that That Girl is someone that kind of puts on
04:41face masks in the morning.
04:42This places a financial burden on looking after yourself, intimating that becoming That Girl
04:47is only really possible from a starting point of privilege.
04:50It's undeniable that millennials and Gen Z are suffering with their mental health, or
04:54at least aware of mental health challenges, like no previous generations were, with only
04:5945% of Gen Z reporting that their mental health is good or excellent.
05:03Many of our country's youngest voters feel depressed and disenfranchised, they're worried
05:07about the future and concerned about the coronavirus.
05:10It's hardly surprising when you look at how young people have been born into financial insecurity,
05:15the worsening climate crisis, and now the global pandemic.
05:18But these generations are still a powerful market, and so their poor mental health has
05:22been seized upon by companies promising that their mental health can be fixed if they just
05:26buy the right product, download the right app, or go on the right vacation.
05:30But it can be dangerous to take mental health discussions away from a clinical space and into
05:34the commercial space.
05:35And while there's a certain appeal to empowering people to look after their own mental health,
05:39this can lead to dispensing advice that's shorn of proper context.
05:43Netflix's The Goop Lab raises valid questions about whether psilocybin has healing properties,
05:48or whether antidepressant medications are over-prescribed and not the best treatment for everyone,
05:52especially when not used in conjunction with psychotherapy.
05:55Prozac selects Zoloft, psychiatry left psychotherapy behind, and we embrace these drugs that we all
06:02know give terrible side effects.
06:04But it's a complicated conversation that needs depth, and the kind of retreat that we see
06:08Gwyneth Paltrow and her staff go on, in which magic mushrooms are used in a controlled environment,
06:13can cost anywhere between $1,700 and $10,000.
06:18So while they're luxurious, potentially beneficial packages, they're just that.
06:23Package vacations, not medical interventions.
06:26And not an attainable alternative for most people.
06:29The final season of Search Party satirizes this whole climate when protagonist Dory becomes
06:34a kind of guru trying to share enlightenment with the world.
06:37I died for 37 seconds.
06:43And in that time, I received an infinite volume of unconscious wisdom.
06:49I am going to find a way for everyone to experience an awakening.
06:57But as her desire to spread her belief that we all must die to become our best selves merges
07:01with the tech industry's drive for profit and the consumer's eagerness to believe
07:05in quick, unproven fixes, Dory accidentally ends up bringing on a zombie pandemic.
07:10The whole idea of life hacking seems to accept that life itself, or living in the world as
07:15it is right now, is difficult and anxiety-inducing, and so needs to be gamed in order to make
07:20it slightly easier and less stressful.
07:23Yet none of these hacks actually address the roots of our problems.
07:28Speaking of how to really fix common day-to-day problems, HelloFresh has made cooking and
07:32eating at home so easy and stress-free for me.
07:35Right now, you can go to hellofresh.com slash thetake16 and use code thetake16 to get up
07:40to 16 free meals and 3 free gifts.
07:44HelloFresh is America's number one meal kit because they make upping your game in the kitchen
07:47simple.
07:48HelloFresh offers 50 weekly recipes featuring a range of flavors, cuisines, and ingredients
07:53so you'll never get bored.
07:54You can try something new every week.
07:57They also offer the flexibility you need with customizable orders every week.
08:01You can add extra proteins and sides, change up the serving size when you have guests,
08:05or just double up on your favorite recipes.
08:07And on top of all this, HelloFresh is 30% cheaper than shopping at your local grocery store,
08:12plus you skip the checkout lines.
08:13I love that HelloFresh is like my helpful guide in the kitchen.
08:16It makes me feel like I'm not just winging it, because it gives me so many new recipe ideas
08:21and ingredient options.
08:23Check out some of the delicious HelloFresh meals I made, like this honey thyme chicken.
08:27Go to hellofresh.com slash thetake16 and use the code thetake16 for up to 16 free meals
08:33and 3 free gifts.
08:35If you're becoming that girl, do it for yourself, no one else.
08:43The things suggested to do by the that girl trend aren't innately gendered in any way.
08:48Common tips across that girl videos include getting up early, going vegan, and regularly
08:51exercising.
08:52So why is it that the trend is only focused on women?
08:56And why in general do these impossible lifestyle standards seem to be marketed to women more
09:00than men?
09:01Historically, things that are supposedly invented to empower and liberate women have often had
09:06the opposite effect.
09:07In Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique, she argued that while vacuum cleaners and washer
09:12dryers were supposed to free up time for women in the home, these advances actually just raised
09:16the standard expected of housewives, saying each labor-saving appliance brought a labor-demanding
09:22elaboration of housework.
09:24Each scientific advance that might have freed women from the drudgery of cooking, cleaning,
09:28washing, instead imposed new drudgery.
09:31We can't just keep the same standards of complete perfection in the home that we accept.
09:36In recent years, a lot of mainstream feminism, like the that girl trend, has focused on wellness
09:41and self-care, with the nice-sounding goal of helping women, who are often overburdened
09:45with caring for others, devote some much-needed attention to themselves.
09:49But is all this just doing the same thing that Friedan's feminism sought to challenge, raising
09:53the bar and opening up yet more work for women?
09:56In order for you to become that girl, you need to start compartmentalizing and organizing
10:02everything that you do in your life.
10:03Gwyneth Paltrow, arguably a Gen X version of that girl, channeled this whole energy into
10:07lifestyle company Goop, which has been valued at over $430 million, and become a leading voice
10:14in mainstream feminism.
10:15Part of Goop's idea of feminism is to reclaim ideas of domesticity.
10:19In a feature entitled, Is It Anti-Feminist to Cook for My Boyfriend?, Paltrow writes,
10:23What's actually anti-feminist at this point is prescribing what feminism is, including
10:27looking down on domesticity.
10:29I believe in a version of feminism where every person can express the traditionally feminine
10:33aspects of themselves as they see fit.
10:35Similarly, Marie Kondo's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, in a sense, rebranded housework
10:40as something that can be empowering, fulfilling, and beneficial for mental health.
10:44By providing a new method or life hack for tidying, Kondo turned it into something that
10:49no longer felt like a chore, but instead an Instagrammable lifestyle choice.
10:54Folding is not just making your clothes smaller, it is actually an important opportunity to talk
11:01to your clothes and thank them.
11:03On the positive side, some of these trends may counter the drudgery of certain necessary
11:07domestic tasks by inviting us to approach them from new angles, or make women who genuinely
11:12like cooking, cleaning, or skincare feel more validated and less judged for that.
11:17Yet at the same time, the claims that all this is an empowering new form of feminism is suspect,
11:22because many of these trends really end up creating yet more difficult-to-attain standards
11:26for women.
11:27Then I take the time to read, journal, and write down my daily gratitude list, a practice
11:31which has been proven to improve your overall well-being.
11:33When you look at how that girl trends overlap with the ethos of productivity, you could argue
11:37that girl is even a new iteration of the girl boss feminist, who in recent years has been
11:42disgraced for her hypocrisy and failure to live up to her promises of being better than
11:46the guy CEOs.
11:48Yet like the girl boss feminist, that girl not only works hard, but makes that process look
11:52cool and almost effortless.
11:54She may be a little more traditionally feminine in her skincare and health focus, and not talk
11:59as much about bossing other employees, but she still manifests her culture's desire
12:03for women to perform a kind of productivity or hustle culture as a way to assert their
12:08independence.
12:09We're still sold the myth that women no longer have to deal with industry gatekeepers or patriarchal
12:13glass ceilings because they can climb up the ladder themselves as creative self-starters
12:18and influencers.
12:19If you want something enough, you can achieve it, and it just depends to what lengths you
12:23want to go to get where you want to be in the future, and I'll go to any lengths."
12:27The That Girl trend may present itself as up-to-date and forward-thinking, but if you step back,
12:31it's actually about looking beautiful, cooking and eating well, and creating an idealized
12:36domestic space.
12:37In that sense, the only major difference between it and the kind of traditional feminine ideals
12:41that were placed upon past homemakers is that now women are being asked to do it
12:44for themselves, rather than for the sake of a husband.
12:48But Gen Z's That Girl, and versions of it that Paltrow and Kondo represent for older
12:51generations, present an even more beautifully unattainable vision of ideal domesticity.
12:56Did past homemakers have to worry about maintaining this level of healthy, clean foods and Instagrammable
13:01presentations?
13:02Then it's time to hop in the shower, put on my outfit of the day, and make a pretty colored
13:05drink, and an aesthetically pleasing breakfast that is almost too pretty to eat.
13:09Did most of them do so while also having productive full-time jobs?
13:13And even if the idea is supposedly that you're doing it for yourself, there's still a lot
13:17of pressure on women, especially if they become moms, to obtain some level of this or feel
13:22like they're failing.
13:23We can see how plenty of examples of That Girl characters in film and TV are an expression
13:28of the main character's specific anxiety about what kind of polished, superior femininity
13:33she blames herself for not living up to.
13:35God, she's so skinny.
13:37No wonder Josh loves her.
13:38The That Girl phrase itself is revealing.
13:41She's not the girl any of us are, but that other girl who looks like she's doing it
13:45better, and thus makes us feel bad about ourselves.
13:48Even the positive That Girl videos starting this trend are from the perspective of willing
13:52yourself to be That Girl by copying the image of how you think she'd go about her day.
13:56That Girl would do it, she would be drinking juices, she would be drinking really healthy
14:01things, things that are good for her, so we're just gonna do it.
14:03Likewise, most of the film and TV stories about a That Girl, whether she's self-care obsessed
14:08or more generally image conscious, end up revealing that she's faking it too, and actually not
14:13very happy.
14:14Because devoting lots of time to keeping up a false image of perfection is, big surprise,
14:19not a route to feeling great and prioritizing your actual mental health.
14:22In other words, mimicking this outer image of the That Girl in your life isn't really
14:27gonna work in the long term to give you any lasting sense of peace, mindfulness, or identity.
14:31Why are you trying to lose weight?
14:33You're not fat.
14:34Thank you, but I'd still like to be thinner.
14:37How's everybody so obsessed with that kind of thing?
14:39I think we're all obsessed with being a little better than we were yesterday.
14:47The wellness industry has long been co-opting and culturally appropriating established cultural
14:52practices for Western white consumers.
14:54Take the whitewashing of yoga, or expensive turmeric lattes, both of which have been staples
14:59of Indian culture for centuries.
15:01The drinks are originally called Haldidud.
15:03The effect is to erase the influence of people of color on these trends, and as a result almost
15:08exclude them from participating.
15:10What's tahini?
15:11Flavor sauce.
15:12And falafel?
15:13Crunch patties.
15:14So we'd be selling foreign food.
15:17Specialty foods.
15:19Veganism has been accused of this same cultural erasure, because while the term itself was
15:23coined in 1944 by Donald Watson, many non-white cultures and religions already practiced essentially
15:29the same diet, and today less rich populations are getting priced out of their own culture.
15:34As has happened in Mexico with the price of avocado skyrocketing, thanks to the popularity
15:38of avocado toast and avocado oils used in the beauty sector.
15:42Another day, another avocado toast.
15:44Likewise, according to an article from Refinery29, the That Girl term was initially popular with
15:49black women in the black queer community before being taken over by white women.
15:53And if you search through the That Girl hashtag on YouTube or TikTok, it is now almost exclusively
15:58a white space.
15:59Divorcing something like mindfulness from its cultural context, and just appropriating its
16:04surface-level aesthetic makes the end result hollow, which is why it's maybe not as beneficial
16:09as it may first seem.
16:11Even aside from mental health, how healthy are That Girl's eating and other lifestyle
16:15choices necessarily?
16:17The concept of clean eating extolling the virtues of basing your diet solely around raw fruit
16:21and vegetables, protein supplements, and avoiding so-called bad foods not only is time
16:26and money intensive, but is also a simplistic, relatively untested approach to nutrition.
16:31Influencers are feeding a dangerous new eating disorder, where a person becomes so obsessed
16:37with clean living that it controls their life and mind.
16:41Food is so much more than ingredients.
16:43It has cultural and social value, as cooking and eating brings us together with our families,
16:48friends, and communities.
16:50Author Pia Schiavacampo writes,
16:51Worst of all, the priority when it comes to food in That Girl videos isn't really nutrition
17:06or flavor at all, but how it looks on screen.
17:08I wanted to do kind of like a cute little aesthetic breakfast.
17:12In addition to whiteness, the That Girl trend is dominated by thinness.
17:16Eating disorder specialist Michelle Scott explained to Glamour magazine that the trend
17:20is potentially harmful, saying,
17:22Social media doesn't create eating disorders, but it gives us the means to look at something
17:26we might want to be if we don't feel good about ourselves.
17:29Despite the fact that we know thin doesn't necessarily mean healthy,
17:33and that being fat doesn't necessarily mean unhealthy,
17:36That Girl subtly perpetuates this falsehood by centering around perfect, sculpted bodies
17:40and lifestyles that revolve around restrictive diets and intense gym routines.
17:45So if becoming That Girl, living by the bible of goop,
17:48and buying expensive skincare products isn't real self-care, then what is?
17:52Let's take this time to reset.
17:58There are some influencers or public figures who offer useful guidance in a relatively laid-back,
18:02down-to-earth way.
18:03Adrienne Mischler's Yoga With Adrienne channel has something of the That Girl aesthetic,
18:08although its 2012 start comfortably predates the trend.
18:11But it's low-stress, accessible, and feels inclusive.
18:14You don't need any blocks.
18:16You don't need any blankets.
18:17All you need is your body and an open mind.
18:20While at-home fitness apps like Peloton and Les Mills can come at a high price point,
18:24Yoga With Adrienne is completely free and focused on community.
18:27With Adrienne herself saying,
18:28I've tried to steer clear of the I'm the leader and the guru,
18:31and create more of a peer-to-peer relationship.
18:33I've definitely always tried to position myself as the friend.
18:36It's certainly great if you can incorporate healthy routines and positive communities into
18:39your life in a moderate, sustainable way, especially one that satisfies you,
18:43even if not on Instagram.
18:45We'll have to unburden you from that soon.
18:47Oh, shit.
18:48What?
18:49It hurts, but it's so worth it.
18:50But, um, do you mean like, for the whole time?
18:54But it's my phone.
18:55But feeling a higher sense of wellness and health
18:58probably requires thinking beyond just what's good for you.
19:01Since the start of the pandemic, the role models who've inspired many of us
19:04have exhibited true selflessness and commitment to the wider community.
19:07So maybe that girl or that person we should be following
19:11is the one who can inspire others to contribute toward the prosperity,
19:14health, and preservation of all people.
19:16As Oliver Berkman writes in 4,000 Weeks Time Management for Mortals,
19:20the only way to solve our time management problems
19:22isn't to up our speed and efficiency,
19:24but to stop thinking of time as a commodity we use and always need more of.
19:29Quote,
19:30Nobody in the history of humanity has ever achieved work-life balance.
19:33Whatever that might be,
19:34and you certainly won't get there by copying the six things successful people do before 7am.
19:39The day will never arrive when you finally have everything under control.
19:42But according to Berkman, this defeat is excellent news,
19:46because by not falling into the productivity trap
19:48and hoping someday we'll finally be that perfect self, i.e. that girl,
19:53we're freed up to just do something somewhat meaningful with the limited time we have.
19:57We spend our lives avoiding the thought that our time here is limited.
20:03This is The Take on your favorite movie shows and pop culture.
20:06Thanks for watching, and don't forget to subscribe.
20:08Bye.
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