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00:00Her kid lights up every room they're in, whether they like it or not,
00:03because she's constantly making sure the spotlight is on them.
00:06The stage mom only has one goal in life, making her child a star.
00:11And she won't let anyone or anything get in the way of her plans.
00:14Also known as the momager, this trope has popped up in media for decades
00:18and has been a huge problem for many young stars in real life as well.
00:22So what drives the stage mom to push her kid towards fame, even at their own expense?
00:27I don't care if you have to ride this thing sides out like a horse, get up there.
00:31It smells funny, like gasoline.
00:38And why does she seem to keep evolving with the times,
00:41but never in a way that's better for kids?
00:43And why does no one ever seem to talk about the stage dads?
00:46Here's our take on the stage mom trope, what she really represents,
00:50and why it's time for her to let go.
00:52Whether she's only seen in flashbacks of a haunted youth,
00:55a recurring character popping up to bother a star,
00:57or a main antagonist in a show or film,
00:59stage moms have been pushing children towards stardom,
01:02both on screen and behind the scenes, since the beginning of cinema.
01:05In contrast with the mom who sees her child as competition
01:08that she needs to put down to lift herself up,
01:10Ah, but nobody ever said that life was fair, Tina.
01:16I'm bigger and I'm faster.
01:18I will always beat you.
01:20The stage mom forms her entire life around rocketing her child towards stardom.
01:24Though she is seemingly working for her child's future instead of against it,
01:28she's actually just as bad of an influence.
01:30She almost never takes into account what the child themselves wants,
01:34and never even stops to think about how what she's pushing her child toward
01:37might be bad for them.
01:39Stardom was never your dream.
01:40Whose dream was it?
01:41My mom's.
01:42I think she wanted me to have a better life than she had,
01:46but I also think her approach was very unhealthy.
01:49There are several overarching reasons for their single-minded drive,
01:52which often overlap.
01:53The most often reason the stage mom seeks fame for her child
01:56is because she feels that she missed out on getting it herself.
02:00I've always dreamed of becoming an actress,
02:01but that's not why I'm pushing Olivia to do it.
02:04Is it suspicious that I brought that up unprovoked?
02:05For whatever reason, whether it be circumstances or lack of talent,
02:09she wasn't able to achieve the kind of glory and renown
02:12she felt she was meant for in her younger years.
02:14And so now, in adulthood,
02:16has decided to attempt to live out her dreams vicariously through her child.
02:20She thinks that her industry experience from her own failed career
02:23gives her a special insight into what it really takes to make it,
02:27and her own feelings of failure lead her to push her child even harder to be perfect
02:31so that they don't suffer the same fate.
02:33Money can also, unsurprisingly,
02:35be a huge driver behind the stage mom's antics.
02:38To her, I'm just a gorgeous, naturally blonde ATM.
02:41She often sees her kid as an avenue to wealth and prestige for herself.
02:45She'll put her kid in any situation,
02:47no matter how dangerous or dire, if it'll pay.
02:50Some versions of this type are less villainous and more naive.
02:53The stage mom that's been poor all of her life
02:55sometimes sees stardom as possibly the only way for her child
02:58to have a better life than she did.
03:00And she might not have a full understanding
03:02of just how seedy the industry is until it's too late.
03:05But unfortunately, on screen and in real life,
03:08stage moms are usually well aware of what they're putting their kids through for money,
03:12even being willing to make their child live under the stress
03:14of being the sole provider for their entire family.
03:17We did what we had to do.
03:19There was never any we.
03:20Your word was gospel.
03:21The third type appears less often.
03:23Her child actually does have the steadfast desire to be famous,
03:27and she essentially just functions as their lackey on their climb to the top.
03:30She thinks her child is the best thing since sliced bread
03:33and certainly the most talented person who has ever lived
03:36and so of course deserves all of the fame and fortune they desire.
03:40She'll do whatever it takes to help them achieve their dreams
03:43and never stops to think about if it's actually good for them.
03:46As their parent, it's her responsibility
03:47to think fully about what going down this road will mean
03:50since kids don't have the context or life experience
03:53to understand huge life choices like that themselves.
03:56But she's so blinded by the idea of getting their child what they want right now
04:00that she completely fails this duty.
04:02Whether she's meddling on screen or behind the scenes in real life,
04:06stage moms are notorious for causing problems in Hollywood.
04:09Black Swan dramatically showcases the negative effect a stage mom can have.
04:13The film is an exploration of toxic perfectionism
04:16brought on by being pressured to achieve absolute flawlessness as a ballerina.
04:20Nina's mother Erica was herself once a ballerina,
04:23and after ending her own career put all of her focus
04:26into making Nina follow in her footsteps.
04:28I just mean as far as my career was concerned.
04:30What career?
04:35The one I gave up to have you.
04:37Nina grew up in an incredibly repressive environment,
04:40forced to focus her entire life, her entire being around this singular goal.
04:45Erica believes that as long as Nina is obedient and docile,
04:48doing everything that she demands with zero deviation,
04:51Nina is assured success.
04:52He promised to feature me more this season.
04:56Well, he certainly should.
04:58You've been there long enough,
04:59and you're the most dedicated dancer in the company.
05:02And Erica is obsessive about keeping Nina on this path at all costs.
05:06She keeps Nina infantilized by not allowing her to update the childlike decor in her room
05:11or even cut her own nails.
05:12Erica wants to keep Nina living like a perfect doll
05:15through which she can relive her own great success and even reach new heights.
05:19But in the end, Nina achieves perfection not by following her mother's desires,
05:23but by breaking free from her control and finding confidence in herself.
05:27Natalie Wood unfortunately lived out this trope on screen and in real life.
05:31Her mother was notoriously terrible,
05:33pushing Natalie into stardom at a very early age
05:36and even once pulled the wings off a butterfly in front of her terrified child
05:39to ensure that she cried on cue for a scene.
05:42Her mother was insistent that Natalie must become a star
05:45and micromanaged her career to make sure it happened.
05:48Like Nina, Natalie eventually began to rebel against the control of her overbearing mother
05:52and built her own career her own way.
05:55In 1962, she starred in the film Gypsy,
05:58based off the autobiography of Gypsy Rose Lee,
06:00who herself had to suffer years of torment under a terrible stage mom.
06:04The story follows Louise Havik as she evolves into performer Gypsy Rose Lee
06:08at the behest of her mother Rose,
06:10and then eventually comes to the realization that she doesn't want to live under her mother's thumb anymore.
06:15I'm having the time of my life,
06:17because for the first time, it is my life!
06:20And I love it!
06:21I love every second of it!
06:23And I'll be damned if you're gonna take it away from me!
06:25When Rose is confronted with reality that she's been ruining her own life,
06:29and both of her daughters as well,
06:31just to fulfill her desperate desire for attention,
06:33she has a breakdown.
06:35In the end, she comes to terms with the fact that what she's done is wrong,
06:38and is able to reconcile with Gypsy.
06:40In 2014's Beyond the Lights,
06:42Noni is taught by her mother from an early age that nothing but the best is acceptable.
06:47When young Noni is happy to win second place in a singing competition,
06:50her mother Macy makes her smash the trophy because only first place will do.
06:54Macy's controlling attitude only worsens when Noni becomes a real pop star on the brink of world stardom.
07:00Macy micromanages what songs Noni puts on her albums,
07:03what she wears, who she dates,
07:05Congratulations. You're a bloody cliche.
07:10Macy isn't concerned with Noni's well-being or happiness,
07:13not even after Noni attempts to end her own life,
07:15and is only focused on forcing her to chase greater and greater fame.
07:19Oh wait, so now you're a victim?
07:21When did you ever tell me that you didn't want this?
07:24When I was on that balcony.
07:25Noni eventually has enough and breaks away from her mother,
07:28and the stage mom is yet again left behind,
07:31isolated from everyone and everything because she refused to take into account anyone but herself.
07:36And the stage mom, unfortunately, isn't just an on-screen trope.
07:40They very much exist in real life as well.
07:43Former Nickelodeon star Jeanette McCurdy recently opened up about her own abusive stage mother in her memoir,
07:48I'm Glad My Mom Died.
07:50Jeanette recounts how her mother pushed her into child stardom and then became jealous of Jeanette's success.
07:55She was also intensely obsessive about all aspects of Jeanette's life,
07:59especially her weight and what she ate, leading to Jeanette developing an eating disorder.
08:04I think my mom encouraged and conditioned my anorexia because both she thought that it would in some ways help my career,
08:14and also because it served her goal of keeping me young and under her influence.
08:21Jeanette felt compelled to please her mother at all costs,
08:23continuing to pursue acting even though she didn't enjoy it.
08:27Jeanette said,
08:27Jeanette's book became an instant bestseller and opened many people's eyes to the way that stage moms
08:41and the dangerous situations they put their children in continue to endanger children.
08:45But even with the decades of media about how destructive stage moms can be,
08:49they haven't been left behind, but instead seem to have evolved for our modern era.
08:55The modern stage mom has taken on a girl boss edge as she's morphed into the momager.
09:00In her mind, she's not a destructive force sending her child to wallow in misery for her own gain.
09:05She's a boss babe that's building a business through her child's talents.
09:09The most well-known momager of today is, of course,
09:12the matriarch of the Kardashian-Jenner empire, Kris Jenner.
09:15From the jump, Kris has been pushing her daughters, especially Kim, towards fame.
09:20Any kind of fame they could manage.
09:21Kim, you're doing amazing, sweetie.
09:23Push this knee out.
09:24When Kim's leaked sex tape elevated her status from friend of Paris Hilton
09:28to someone who was getting her own gossip blog headlines,
09:31Kris grabbed the opportunity by the horns and hasn't let go for 15 years.
09:35And it wasn't enough that just Kim became a superstar.
09:38All of her daughters, and sometimes Rob, were pulled into the limelight.
09:42I made little Kardashians, so I have something to do with the Kardashian brand.
09:46All I heard you say is brand, brand, brand.
09:48Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe were all adults when fame hit,
09:52and so had at least had an opportunity to live lives and exist in the world
09:55free from the glare of the spotlight.
09:57But Kendall and Kylie were still incredibly young
09:59and had no way of understanding what they were being signed up for.
10:02While they all seem to be happy with the lifestyle that their mega fame affords,
10:07they have shared some reservations about being thrust into the public eye so young.
10:11There's no f***ing friends and loyalty in the game of being a billionaire.
10:14It's wild over here.
10:16Definitely don't let her boss you around.
10:18You're Kris M.F. Jenner.
10:20You are her mother.
10:22Ex-model and former Real Housewife Yolanda Hadid
10:25made waves when a clip of her suggesting her daughter Gigi Hadid
10:28just slowly chew a few almonds if she gets hungry went viral.
10:32I'm feeling really weak.
10:34I have a couple of almonds.
10:36I have a couple of almonds.
10:38Chew them really well.
10:39And people started to really unpack her more sinister momager ways
10:43as depicted over her years on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
10:46This led to a wider discussion of so-called almond moms,
10:49aka moms who are incredibly focused on their child's,
10:52usually their daughter's, food intake,
10:54and restricting their diet so they aren't eating too much.
10:57As we've seen in previous examples,
10:58micro-managing food is a thread that has run through momagers
11:02and stage moms since the very beginning.
11:04The stage moms are driven by a need to control their child
11:07to make them perfect in their mind.
11:09Given that societal beauty standards focus so much on looks,
11:12especially in regards to weight,
11:14this often motivates the stage moms' pushing of disordered eating habits.
11:18All the food that we're eating is like a heart attack in a meal.
11:21And then you gotta get back on your diet then.
11:22The almond mom discussion across social media
11:25led many people to notice this trend in their own mothers.
11:28Even if she wasn't necessarily pushing them to be famous,
11:31she still had unrealistic and destructive expectations
11:34for how their child should look and behave.
11:36The most pervasive type of modern stage mom
11:39is likely the vlog mom or momfluencer.
11:41Hi moms, Stephanie here.
11:44Today, as promised,
11:45I'm gonna share my zucchini chocolate chip cookie recipe.
11:48Not content with having to wait for her child
11:50to gain notoriety on the big screen,
11:52she's turned to the internet
11:53to make their entire lives into content for the masses.
11:57Initially, many of these momfluencers
11:59became internet famous on sharing their own lives online first.
12:02And then when they eventually had children,
12:04they were included in the blog posts or vlogs.
12:07And it was enjoyable to many people
12:09because it was the first time they felt
12:10that they were seeing the full realities of motherhood
12:13reflected in any kind of media.
12:15But as people, and brands,
12:17began to notice just how many eyes kids seemed to pull it,
12:20a cottage industry of content
12:21focused solely on the kids started popping up.
12:24Her blog slash podcast slash brand,
12:27Heart-Shaped Mistakes, Kill Me,
12:30is a mecca of humble bragging and superiority,
12:32fronting as hard-earned wisdom.
12:34Many of these children have had every single moment
12:36of their young lives broadcast to the world
12:38without their consent.
12:40Because the children in this situation
12:42are the ones bringing in the dough,
12:43they, like all child stars,
12:45are forced to fit themselves into the most profitable mold.
12:49This also means being unable to change or even grow up.
12:52Thankfully, though, there are momfluencers
12:54who do realize the negative impact
12:56all of this can have on their children
12:58and have chosen to share their unfiltered experiences
13:00of motherhood without forcing their kids
13:02to take a starring role by blurring their faces
13:04when they appear on screen
13:06or not even putting them on screen at all.
13:08It's one thing to talk about it
13:09and talk about my experiences.
13:11It's another thing to actually show you.
13:12And because I don't put kids on my channels,
13:15I figured I would show you in a different way.
13:16There is a seat right here.
13:18This is where the children sit.
13:19Okay, so this trope,
13:21on screen and in real life,
13:22always seems to be focused specifically on moms.
13:25Where are the dads in all of this?
13:27Stage dads are very much a real issue in the world,
13:31just as much as stage moms.
13:32Take 90s teen indie queen,
13:34and Thora Birch having her career ruined
13:36by her overbearing stage dad causing problems on sets.
13:39There are also a number of vlog dads running family channels
13:42and using their children to acquire money
13:44and attention for themselves.
13:46But when it comes to the trope,
13:47either appearing on screen
13:49or being discussed in real life,
13:50it's pretty much always stage moms that we see.
13:53Mothers are historically the parent
13:55that is seen as the one that's supposed
13:56to actually be responsible for
13:58and take care of the children.
13:59So when she does something
14:01that isn't in their best interest,
14:02it's seen as much worse.
14:04The main attributes that are seen
14:06as signs of evil in a stage mom,
14:08being controlling, putting her wants first,
14:10being blind to or deliberately ignoring harm
14:13her children are facing,
14:14having an intense focus on getting rich,
14:16are all pretty accepted characteristics
14:18in dads on screen.
14:20The type of fame stage moms are chasing
14:22is also often in mediums
14:23that have been long coded as feminine,
14:25dancing, singing, acting, et cetera.
14:28Volleyball is a very masculine sport.
14:31Modeling is a very feminine thing.
14:33I know.
14:33The occasion we do often see a version
14:35of the stage dad on screen
14:36is through the sports dad trope.
14:38When a guy is desperately pushing his son
14:40to achieve success in a sport,
14:42usually the sport he wanted to be great at,
14:44and the son must break away
14:45and follow his own passions.
14:47This is your opportunity here.
14:48For you.
14:49Playing football at West Canaan
14:50may have been the opportunity of your lifetime,
14:53but I don't want your life.
14:55This trope has a lot to unpack on its own,
14:59so if you'd like to see us do a full video on it,
15:01definitely let us know in the comments.
15:03As more and more child stars open up
15:05about the harsh realities of being forced
15:07into the spotlight to follow someone else's dreams,
15:10and as children of vloggers and influencers
15:12are now reaching the age
15:13where they're old enough to speak out
15:14against the way they were raised,
15:16society as a whole is starting to take more notice
15:18of how terrible it is that children are even allowed
15:21to be put into these positions in the first place.
15:23You pull back the curtain on child stardom.
15:25It is not a pretty picture.
15:27Not as I see it, no.
15:28There's a long history of Hollywood
15:30having to play catch-up in keeping kids safe,
15:32going all the way back to the Coogan Act of 1939,
15:35which safeguards child actors against their parents
15:38being able to spend all the money the child makes.
15:40This act was put forward in response
15:42to the story of Jackie Coogan,
15:44who made millions as a very successful child actor
15:47only to grow up and, upon turning 18,
15:49find that his parents had already used up
15:51all of the money he had worked so hard for.
15:53Now, people are calling for newer safeguards
15:56to be put in place to keep pace
15:57with the changing world of entertainment.
15:59Singing, dancing, and all forms of art
16:02are integral parts of the human experience,
16:04so no one is calling for children
16:06to be barred from enjoying them
16:07or sharing their talents.
16:09The call is only to make sure
16:10that they are able to do so in a safe environment
16:13where their needs are put first,
16:15and from which they can walk away at any time
16:17if they decide that isn't what they're interested
16:19in doing with their lives after all.
16:21And while there are countless examples
16:23of terrible stage parents,
16:24there are also examples of parents
16:26who have helped their children follow their dreams
16:28while also watching over them
16:30and never pushing them to do anything
16:31they don't want to do.
16:33It's on the parents, the industry,
16:35and audiences to make sure we're creating
16:37a secure and trustworthy environment
16:39for young performers
16:40so that they can follow their dreams their own way.
16:42That's the take.
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