- 7 hours ago
a film directed by Richard Gabai, starring Burt Ward, Linnea Quigley, Tracy Dali and Maureen LaVette.
movies oldies
movies oldies
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TVTranscript
00:00:00Good evening, friends, and welcome to the Good Time Gospel Hour.
00:00:09I have a vision, a beautiful vision, a vision that's larger than life, and I need to ask
00:00:17you to reach deep, and I mean all the way down to the bottom of your pockets, and send
00:00:23in all of your cash.
00:00:25Remember, if it doesn't hurt, it's not charity.
00:00:28That's the Good Time Gospel Hour.
00:00:32Father, Daddy, Baba, P.O. Box 461339, Hollywood, California, 90046.
00:00:58Oh, shit!
00:01:12Oh, shit!
00:01:20I said no!
00:01:31Why not?
00:01:36Because I'm not ready.
00:01:40Not ready?
00:01:42That's right.
00:01:44Oh, great.
00:01:45Thanks a lot.
00:01:47My bra, too?
00:01:48Well, all I did was unsnap it.
00:01:51The snaps in the back, bozo.
00:01:52You ripped it.
00:01:56Christy, how long do we have to wait?
00:01:58We've been going together since the beginning of time.
00:02:00This is our third date.
00:02:03The longest three dates of my life.
00:02:09Jarrah, I've gotten into more trouble because of you than anybody else I've ever known.
00:02:14Like when?
00:02:16Like when?
00:02:16Like when you put firecrackers in a tampon dispenser in the girls' room and I was suspended
00:02:22for three days?
00:02:24And when you charged $180 of 976 Party to my father's credit card?
00:02:30Hey, I'm planning to pay that back.
00:02:34My parents think I've lost it.
00:02:37One more thing and I'm grounded for life.
00:02:39They're strict.
00:02:41What time is it?
00:02:42Relax, it's only 9.30.
00:02:47I had to promise I'd be back by 10.
00:02:49Just sort of let me out of there.
00:02:51Wait a minute, what time was it last time I asked you?
00:02:55You know, 9.30 sounds kind of familiar, doesn't it?
00:02:59And what time was it the time before that?
00:03:02Uh-oh.
00:03:09Hey, it's not my fault it stopped.
00:03:11Just shut up and step on it.
00:03:13Just shut up and step on it.
00:03:41I'll let you go.
00:03:43Okay.
00:03:43I'll let you go.
00:03:44Okay.
00:03:56Hi.
00:03:56Do you know what time it is?
00:03:59Uh, 9.30?
00:04:02It's 12.44.
00:04:04Care to clue us in where you've been for the past six hours?
00:04:08You were worried set!
00:04:10Shut up, Margaret!
00:04:12I can explain. See, Jerry's watch stop...
00:04:15So, the Kaminsky kid, I might have known.
00:04:18We didn't do anything wrong.
00:04:20Oh? Nothing you'd have to make an extra trip to confession for?
00:04:24No!
00:04:25You better not be lying.
00:04:27We didn't, I swear!
00:04:29Swear!
00:04:30Holy pimples!
00:04:38That's it, young lady! You're going to Catholic school!
00:04:51I thought you'd understand
00:04:55When I led you by your hand
00:04:58That I'd never make you go
00:05:02Unless you wanted to
00:05:06Come on now
00:05:08I'm the guy who will show you what it's all about
00:05:12All I've got to know
00:05:15Why'd you have to go?
00:05:19Why'd you have to go?
00:05:22Now you're telling him
00:05:25Everything you say to me more
00:05:29And you know me well
00:05:32That I think he's a joke!
00:05:36Come on now
00:05:38Come on now
00:05:39I'm the guy who will show you what it's all about
00:05:42All I've got to know
00:05:45Why'd you have to go?
00:05:47Why'd you have to go?
00:05:49Why'd you have to go?
00:05:51Why'd you have to go?
00:05:53Why'd you have to go?
00:05:55You've hated it
00:05:56too
00:05:57과ized
00:05:58Why'd you have to go?
00:06:00You were gonna make me cry
00:06:02And you knew
00:06:04you were gonna make me wonder why
00:06:07You were gonna make me just
00:06:09You were gonna razour
00:06:10Back i вли мало
00:06:12until me
00:06:13Why'd you have to go with my life?
00:06:14Why'd you have to go?
00:06:16You lied. You hurt me so. Why'd you have to go? Why'd you have to go? Why'd you have to go? Why'd you have to go?
00:06:32I'm serious. I tried everything. I winded her, dined her, changed my underwear, the works.
00:06:38So we're up at the point and I figured it's time to make my move. I turned to her and bam, she's out like a light.
00:06:44Dude, what'd you do? What any real man would do. I figured it was time to take a few liberties.
00:06:51So I'm half a heartbeat away from the valley of my ultra-vixen. She snaps out of her coma and throws me back like a side of beef in the barnyard.
00:06:59No! Even the watch gag failed. Geez, you tried the watch gag again? If the shoe fits, don't fix it.
00:07:07How about your famous, I'm so in love with you, I couldn't control myself and can't live without you line? I'll call her tonight.
00:07:14Hello? Christy isn't here. We've sent her to boarding school away from the influence of losers.
00:07:30Like you, Kamensky. Anyway, Christy isn't here. So don't call here anymore.
00:07:36Get it? Got it? Good.
00:07:44Kamensky's a loser. Loser. Kamensky.
00:07:46Well, let's go.
00:07:51Dad, give me another chance, please. I promise I won't mess up.
00:07:55Ten years from now, you'll thank me for this, Christy.
00:07:58I think you'll find that a year without sex, drugs, and rock and roll is just what the doctor ordered.
00:08:06How can you be so sure this is going to make any difference?
00:08:09Well, if it doesn't, there's another school that will.
00:08:13Godthab Academy.
00:08:15Godthab? Where's that?
00:08:17Greenland.
00:08:20Greenland.
00:08:21Anybody have to go potty before we leave?
00:08:23Please.
00:08:25Oh, hello. You must be Mr. and Mrs. Murphy.
00:08:38Sister.
00:08:40How do you do?
00:08:42Oh, and this is Christy, I take it.
00:08:45Hello.
00:08:47Speak up, Christy.
00:08:48Hi.
00:08:50She is a spunky one, isn't she?
00:08:52I'd say too much for her own good, sister.
00:08:55Three years of public school has turned this girl into a libertine.
00:09:00Oh, my goodness.
00:09:02Dad.
00:09:03She needs a year away from the influence of sex, drugs, and...
00:09:08What's the other thing?
00:09:09Rock and roll.
00:09:11Right.
00:09:12Well, I can assure you, Mr. Murphy, there'll be none of that around here.
00:09:19We turn out proper young ladies.
00:09:22She's kicking.
00:09:23Who?
00:09:26Are you ready to become a proper young lady, Christy?
00:09:32Yeah.
00:09:34There you go.
00:09:36She's learning already.
00:09:37We have mass every morning at 7.
00:09:41Classes from 8 until 3.
00:09:43There will be no records, no TVs, no radios, no loud talking, no slouching, no immodest hairdos, no uncovered sneezing.
00:09:54In fact, there will be nothing of any kind in the dormitories.
00:09:58Any questions?
00:09:58No.
00:10:00Just follow these rules, and these will be the best years of your life.
00:10:05Kathleen is our senior dorm monitor.
00:10:07Any questions or problems, go to Kathleen.
00:10:09Hi, Sister Ramona.
00:10:12It's so nice to see you.
00:10:15Kathleen, this is Christy Murphy.
00:10:17She'll be staying on your floor.
00:10:19Oh, how super.
00:10:20It's so nice to meet you, Christy.
00:10:22Same here.
00:10:23Well, why don't you get her settled in, and I'll bring her luggage up.
00:10:27Right away, Sister.
00:10:28It'll be my pleasure.
00:10:34Attention, Virgin.
00:10:36There will be no love-body dancing permitted in the dormitory.
00:10:40That dance is forbidden.
00:10:42I repeat, that dance is forbidden.
00:10:48So you're the new inmate?
00:10:50What do you end for?
00:10:55Dope?
00:10:57Sex?
00:10:59No, actually, it's all a misunderstanding about my parents.
00:11:04Right.
00:11:06Listen, I'll give it to you straight.
00:11:09The rule around here is you play by my rules, and I don't stick the nuns on you.
00:11:14You stick with that, and we'll get along just fine.
00:11:20Jesus Christ, McBride.
00:11:26Who are you?
00:11:27Christy Murphy?
00:11:29She's your new roommate.
00:11:31Teresa McBride, Melanie Baines.
00:11:34Oh, hi.
00:11:34Hi.
00:11:35Hi.
00:11:35Nice to meet you.
00:11:37I'll leave you lovebirds to get acquainted.
00:11:39And, um, oh, and make sure you tell her about the Poor Pagan Children's Fund.
00:11:51So what is the Poor Pagan Children's Fund?
00:11:53It's this pool that we have to contribute $5 to every week.
00:11:58Administered by Kathleen, if you get my meaning.
00:12:00God damn, what a bitch.
00:12:03I heard that.
00:12:07So, do you guys ever have any fun around here?
00:12:11Oh, sure.
00:12:12We have lots of fun.
00:12:12Is there ever any boys around?
00:12:14Oh, no.
00:12:15Boys are not allowed on campus, at least until the big formal.
00:12:20Wonderful.
00:12:21You would be well advised to nip that attitude problem right in the bud and get on with the
00:12:29program, because if you don't...
00:12:33Oh, Sister Romana, let me help you.
00:12:38It's all right.
00:12:39I've got it.
00:12:41How are we all getting a look in here?
00:12:43Great.
00:12:44Hi, Jerry.
00:12:45Hi, girls.
00:12:47Christy, this is Derek, the campus security guard.
00:12:49He's our hero.
00:12:52Right, Derek?
00:12:55Right.
00:12:57Come on, Derek.
00:12:58I better go get that trunk.
00:13:00You can hold the door for me.
00:13:04Bye, girls.
00:13:10You remember what I said.
00:13:12You know, I've been thinking.
00:13:25Yeah?
00:13:27Maybe it won't be so bad having Christy out of the house now.
00:13:31How so?
00:13:32You know, I'm due to the people.
00:13:35No.
00:13:35No.
00:13:39Okay?
00:13:40Okay.
00:13:41Welcome.
00:13:42Bye.
00:13:43Bye.
00:13:45Bye.
00:13:46Bye.
00:13:53Bye.
00:13:58Bye.
00:13:58Hey, do you guys mind hurrying up?
00:14:10Easy, Theo.
00:14:11I'm going to need a good 15-20 minutes just to coil it out.
00:14:14Just a pinch between my teeth and gum.
00:14:18You know, many parts are edible.
00:14:21Listen, you guys are disgusting.
00:14:23Hey, I'm getting to the good part.
00:14:25Oh, that's it.
00:14:26I'm going to puke.
00:14:28You know, guys, I've been thinking.
00:14:35If clowns like Stallone and Norris can lambada in and out of nom,
00:14:41like a couple of cats climbing a tree,
00:14:43it should be a piece of cake for a threesome of smooth operators
00:14:46such as ourselves to crack the parochial padlock on Virgin Eye.
00:14:50So you cats up for a little espionageological expedition?
00:14:54Guys, there's no toilet paper in here.
00:14:57Later, Zoe.
00:14:58Hey, guys, this isn't funny.
00:14:59I have Mexican food!
00:15:00You guys!
00:15:01Hey!
00:15:02Get back here!
00:15:03So, it was at the Council of Trent, they made the all-important decree of what?
00:15:21Who?
00:15:22Anybody?
00:15:23Melanie.
00:15:24Melanie.
00:15:25Justification.
00:15:26Very good.
00:15:27The decree of justification, which condemned that nasty thing called what?
00:15:33Yes, Melanie?
00:15:34Pelagianism.
00:15:35Pelagianism.
00:15:36Very good.
00:15:38I'm glad someone is thinking.
00:15:41Now, all of this would not have been necessary, of course, had it not been for that sneaky little twerp,
00:15:49Mr. Martin Luther, who is guilty of having started the what?
00:15:55Kathleen.
00:15:56The Civil Rights Movement?
00:15:57Oh, good heavens, no.
00:15:58Christy?
00:15:59The Protestant Revolt.
00:16:00Yes, the Protestant Revolt.
00:16:01And don't ever say Reformation.
00:16:02Well, now, girls, the bishop has decreed that from now on our school must teach sex education.
00:16:08So, everyone pay attention.
00:16:25The sperm fertilizes the egg, the egg becomes a zygote, the zygote becomes an embryo, the embryo becomes a fetus.
00:16:32The fetus grows, you get fat and have a baby.
00:16:35Are there any questions?
00:16:36For tomorrow, chapter 23 in the religion text, Staying Off the Slippery Slide to Hell.
00:16:43Class dismissed.
00:16:48I'm so sorry, Christy.
00:16:50What a big class I am.
00:16:51Let me help you.
00:16:53You owe 25 bucks to the poor pagan children, son.
00:16:56You'd better pay up by Friday or else.
00:16:59Here you go, hon.
00:17:06Mr. Casey is ill, so I'll be filling in for him today here at Roosevelt's.
00:17:21My name is Miss Bush, and today's science subject is sex education.
00:17:40Okay.
00:17:41Sex.
00:17:42What is it?
00:17:43And what can it do for you?
00:17:44Well, at the end of class we'll have a little demonstration.
00:17:59But first, let's discuss the basics.
00:18:06The sex organs.
00:18:12One hundred and one ways in which they are aroused.
00:18:19Hey, Zoomer, you gotta do that here.
00:18:36Hey, I got plaque.
00:18:37Do you mind?
00:18:38Yeah, I do mind.
00:18:39Well, I have a newsflash.
00:18:40Fuck you.
00:18:41Yeah?
00:18:42Yeah?
00:18:43You guys chill out.
00:18:44That's nice.
00:18:49Man, I hate this.
00:18:51Every day we come up here after school and we stand around with our thumbs up our asses.
00:18:55Whose fault is that?
00:18:56My point is we don't ever do anything.
00:18:58I mean, there's a whole world full of action out there.
00:19:01We're sitting around here picking our teeth with a coat hanger.
00:19:04Yeah, you're right, Theo.
00:19:05We never do shit.
00:19:06We gotta get where the grins are.
00:19:07You said it, Zoomer.
00:19:08Well, let's get out of here.
00:19:09What do you say?
00:19:10Right around it, dude.
00:19:11Do we cruise or what's the news?
00:19:13All the way, jock patrol.
00:19:21We're out of here.
00:19:22You with us, Jack?
00:19:23Sure.
00:19:24Where are we going?
00:19:25You know, guys, your problem is a very simple one.
00:19:30You've got no babes.
00:19:32Really?
00:19:33Well, I haven't noticed you getting your weenie roasted lately.
00:19:36Yeah, but in my case, it's because they sent my squeeze to boarding school.
00:19:39Zoomer, he's right.
00:19:40I mean, let's face it.
00:19:41We're a washout with chicks.
00:19:42Yeah, damn it.
00:19:43But it's not our fault, is it?
00:19:45Maybe you guys just aren't cool enough.
00:19:50Oh, no.
00:19:51Jerry, we are definitely cool enough.
00:19:53We are the polar ice caps of coolness.
00:19:55We've just got the law of supply and demand working against us.
00:19:59Now, maybe you guys are right.
00:20:00I mean, even I can't get a new babe, and I invented coolness.
00:20:04So what are you going to do about it, Frosty?
00:20:07I've got a plan.
00:20:08All right.
00:20:09You guys stick with me, and we'll put the law of supply and demand to work for us for a change.
00:20:13Foul!
00:20:14No way!
00:20:15You fouled me, Murphy.
00:20:16Everyone saw.
00:20:17You charged.
00:20:18I say foul.
00:20:19Foul stands.
00:20:20My free throw.
00:20:21Foul!
00:20:22No way!
00:20:23You fouled me, Murphy.
00:20:24Everyone saw.
00:20:25You charged.
00:20:27I say foul.
00:20:28Foul stands.
00:20:29My free throw.
00:20:34Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
00:20:51Behold the denizens of the Academy of the Blessed Virgin.
00:21:00Virgin?
00:21:01High?
00:21:02Ow!
00:21:03Easy, Zoom.
00:21:04Don't make me get the fire hose.
00:21:05Oh, come on.
00:21:06Get real here, Jerry.
00:21:07These are Catholic girls we're talking about.
00:21:09So?
00:21:10So you know how it is with Catholic girls.
00:21:12You can looky, but you no touchy.
00:21:14Oh, ye of little faith.
00:21:16Let's get in here and slurp up a little pun-tang.
00:21:19What?
00:21:20Come on.
00:21:21What are we waiting for?
00:21:22Let's go get her.
00:21:23Zoomer, in case you haven't noticed, this is a private Catholic girl's school surrounded
00:21:27by an eight-foot fence and guarded by nuns who probably carry guns, chains, and hand grenades.
00:21:33Theo, you have to understand that nuns are merely a state of mind.
00:21:37With the right attitude and a skillful plan, there's no reason why a group of smart, studly
00:21:41gauchos like us can't have the run of a candy store.
00:21:44And you've got such a plan, I presume?
00:21:46It's a two-pronged plan.
00:21:47Listen closely.
00:21:48Prong number one.
00:21:50Zoomer, put your tongue back in your mouth.
00:21:52You look like a basset hound.
00:21:54Prong number two.
00:21:55You guys go back and wait in the car.
00:21:57I'll go inside and scope things out.
00:21:59As soon as I have the situation in hand, I wave you guys in.
00:22:02You come on down being real cool like you belong in.
00:22:05You're just gonna walk in the gate.
00:22:08You got it.
00:22:09It's too simple.
00:22:10The brilliant plans always are.
00:22:12Gentlemen.
00:22:14Can I help you?
00:22:25No.
00:22:26Can you tell me what business you have here?
00:22:29I'd like to, but I can't.
00:22:31Well then I'm afraid I can't let you in.
00:22:34If you must know, I'm an official emissary from the Vatican.
00:22:38They sent me over here to sort of check up on some of the girls, give them a couple interviews, check up on the morals of today's youth.
00:22:44It's an order that comes directly from you know who.
00:22:48Uh huh.
00:22:50Sounds like a crock to me.
00:22:52Oh it does, does it?
00:22:53Yep.
00:22:54Well does the word excommunication mean anything to you?
00:22:58Nope.
00:23:00Doesn't?
00:23:02I'm not Catholic.
00:23:04Then I can let you off the hook.
00:23:08Nice try, Sherlock.
00:23:09Now why don't you get out of here and don't come back.
00:23:15Got it.
00:23:16Let's see.
00:23:25Well Einstein?
00:23:26We're gonna need a new plan.
00:23:44Did you guys ever get horny?
00:23:45Christy?
00:23:47You two are terrible.
00:23:50I never have those kind of thoughts.
00:23:53Oh come off it Theresa.
00:23:55I don't.
00:23:56Unlike the two of you, I intend to bypass purgatory altogether and go straight to heaven.
00:24:02Right.
00:24:03And you mean to say, if Derek walked in here right now, stone cold naked.
00:24:09And he said, Theresa, I am madly in love with you.
00:24:16I crave your firm, young body.
00:24:20Will you two cut it out?
00:24:22I want to rip the clothes from your creamy white flesh and caress your soft, supple breasts.
00:24:29No!
00:24:30Please!
00:24:31No!
00:24:32We'll drown together in a sea of unbridled passion.
00:24:35We'll have simultaneous, multiple orgasms.
00:24:41Oh no!
00:24:42We'll have simultaneous, multiple orgasms!
00:24:45Oh no!
00:24:46We'll have simultaneous, multiple orgasms!
00:24:48And they eat!
00:24:49Oh no!
00:24:50And that's fine.
00:24:51Do not really lose.
00:24:52I please.
00:24:53It's too bad and I'll be kind ofsınız and angry with you.
00:24:55Hope you guys have waveforms and calling them well enough...
00:24:57ñas and
00:25:09If you're not out of some doors like that the other else is drawing people in a moment like that.
00:25:13This is definitely a part of your choice that takes care of itself.
00:25:16Let's do it again.
00:25:34Oh, I'd love to, but I've got homework to do.
00:25:37Oh, come on.
00:25:39Now, who was it that got you a key to the Coke machine?
00:25:42It was me, wasn't it?
00:25:43Derek, Derek, Derek.
00:25:44Surely you've heard of the concept of reasonable value for services rendered.
00:25:49Now, come on.
00:25:49It's time to scoot.
00:25:51No, no.
00:25:52I'm a little bit tired of this arrangement.
00:25:55I mean, I've stuck my neck out for you.
00:25:57I've smuggled beer in here.
00:25:59I got you those answers to that test.
00:26:01And all I seem to get from my troubles is one little quickie.
00:26:07Derek, did you ever think that maybe I'm saving something special for you?
00:26:12You know what?
00:26:17I can't tell you exactly, but it does involve a bicycle chain, a cucumber, and six cans of Happy Whip.
00:26:30Yeah?
00:26:31Now, about Sister Gregorio's attendance sheet.
00:26:36Okay, I've got it.
00:26:51We go up in front of Virgin High, see?
00:26:53We're tossing the football back and forth.
00:26:55Then, I send you out for a long pass.
00:26:58Now, here's the catch.
00:26:59I overthrow the ball.
00:27:01Get it?
00:27:02I overthrow the ball.
00:27:03It goes over the gate.
00:27:05They let us through to get the ball.
00:27:07And we're in.
00:27:07Simple as that.
00:27:08Right, Zoomer.
00:27:09I'm sure that the security guard is just going to ask us to stay for dinner because we threw our football through a stained glass window.
00:27:16Oh, yeah?
00:27:17What's your brilliant idea, Mr. Potato Chip-up-the-butt?
00:27:19How about moving on, finding some girls with intelligence and insight, with depth and wisdom, a girl who has something to say?
00:27:34Theo, be serious.
00:27:37Anyways, I've got an idea.
00:27:49Kaminsky, this is definitely the dumbest thing you've done yet.
00:27:55Do you want to meet those girls or what?
00:27:57Bring them back alive, J-man.
00:28:19Here, Father.
00:28:28Here, Father.
00:28:30Here, Father.
00:28:49Father.
00:28:56Yeah?
00:28:57Oh, I'm sorry.
00:28:58Did I startle you?
00:28:59No, actually, I just inspected the water fountain over here.
00:29:03Oh, it's cold.
00:29:04I'm Sister Felicia, the principal.
00:29:07I'm Father Goose.
00:29:10Father Goose?
00:29:12Goose.
00:29:14It's Dutch.
00:29:15Oh, well, you must have just been ordained.
00:29:18Accelerated.
00:29:19We haven't seen you here before.
00:29:22Is there something we can do for you?
00:29:24Actually, the bishop did send me over here to sort of check up on things.
00:29:28Which bishop?
00:29:30Bishop, uh...
00:29:32Who?
00:29:34Bishop...
00:29:35Bishop Harness?
00:29:37That's right, him.
00:29:38I can't imagine why he would...
00:29:41Oh, yes, of course.
00:29:43Bishop Harness.
00:29:45Well, Father, we are delighted to have you with us.
00:29:48It's my pleasure.
00:29:48Oh, please, do make yourself at home.
00:29:50In fact, why don't I show you to the rectory, and you can meet some of the other priests.
00:29:55Well, I wouldn't want to...
00:29:57Sister Felicia!
00:29:59Oh, excuse me, Father.
00:30:00Yes, Sister Woodson.
00:30:01Sister Felicia, we have a problem.
00:30:03Sister Milani Boloche has taken a vow of silence, and we have nobody to take her theology class.
00:30:09Can't you take it?
00:30:10I have my history class.
00:30:12Oh, dear.
00:30:12I would do it myself, but I have an important meeting in ten minutes.
00:30:17Perhaps the father can help us out.
00:30:20Sister, what an excellent idea.
00:30:22Oh, would you, Father?
00:30:23It's so important that we do not let their education be interrupted.
00:30:25And who would be better qualified?
00:30:27Yes, yes, it's the first room on the left.
00:30:30Oh, thank you so much, Father.
00:30:33You are a saint.
00:30:34So, Sister, the rumors are true.
00:30:41Which rumors?
00:30:42The ones about the bishop wanting to close down our school.
00:30:45No.
00:30:45He has sent that young priest to check us out and make a report.
00:30:49No!
00:30:49Well, good thinking to get him into that classroom.
00:30:52That would give us some time to alert everyone.
00:30:54Right.
00:30:54Now we must immediately get on the telephone.
00:31:04Good morning, class.
00:31:13Good morning, Father.
00:31:16Right.
00:31:17Sister Milano Veloce has taken a vow of silence this morning.
00:31:21So I'll be filling in for her today.
00:31:23My name is Father Goose.
00:31:30That's Goose, not Goose.
00:31:34It's Dutch.
00:31:34And this is what class?
00:31:38Anybody?
00:31:42Theology.
00:31:43Good thinking.
00:31:45Which brings the question, what is theology?
00:31:52What is theology?
00:32:01Who can tell me what this is?
00:32:04A squiggle?
00:32:08I didn't call on you yet.
00:32:14Anybody?
00:32:17Anybody?
00:32:22A squiggle?
00:32:23A squiggle?
00:32:23Exactly.
00:32:24But who can tell me the theological ramifications of this squiggle?
00:32:29Come on, anybody.
00:32:30Let's not be bashful.
00:32:31How about you?
00:32:32How about you?
00:32:40Could come over there at any time.
00:32:42I would like to have everything in tip-top shape?
00:32:43I would like to have everything in tip-top shape.
00:32:45All right, sister.
00:32:47Goodbye.
00:32:47Goodbye.
00:32:47I would like to have everything in tip-top shape.
00:32:51Mr. Felicia. Oh, hello Mr. Murphy.
00:32:57Hello, Sister. I just wanted to check with you to see how our daughter Christy is doing.
00:33:02Well, I am happy to report she is doing just fine. Her grades are good and she hasn't had a single discipline problem.
00:33:12Excellent. Then it seems that sending her to your school was the right thing to do.
00:33:16Well, it would seem so.
00:33:19Well, thank you very much, Sister. Oh, and one other thing. You may be aware that I'm on the board of the Gilt Gouger Foundation.
00:33:26I also know about the financial difficulties your school has been having.
00:33:31Ah, yes, it's unfortunate, but true, sir.
00:33:35Well, if you can keep up the good work, I'll see to it that the Academy of the Blessed Virgin receives a hefty little endowment. How does that sound?
00:33:44Oh, I think the Lord would approve of that, Mr. Murphy.
00:33:51Daddy Baba's Gamacio is the spice of life. The board is yours today by sending $9.95 to Howard at P.O. Boxing.
00:34:03So, if you make a philological digression, you'll see that the tenets of Zoroastrianism merely reconfirm the truism that we are, after all, merely adjuncts to the divinely ordained.
00:34:16Which brings us to the final answer. The final answer, which is, of course, sex.
00:34:33Class dismissed.
00:34:35Wait!
00:34:36Okay.
00:34:37Go.
00:34:38Stop!
00:34:39Okay, the rest of you go.
00:34:43You, young lady, you stay after class.
00:34:52Hey, babe.
00:34:53Jerry, get a light.
00:34:55Shh!
00:34:56What are you doing here?
00:34:58Roosevelt has the day off.
00:35:00That wasn't my question.
00:35:02Look, I miss you.
00:35:03I had to come see you.
00:35:05If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in this place.
00:35:08You're not gonna blame me for that, are you?
00:35:10Yes, I am.
00:35:13Look, I'll admit you've had a little bit of bad luck with me, but I'm turning over a new leaf, honest.
00:35:19Right.
00:35:20From now on, I'm straight as an altar boy.
00:35:23And is this what the altar boys are wearing now?
00:35:26Look, it was the only way I can get in to see you, alright?
00:35:29This is absolutely the last gimmick, I swear.
00:35:32I know you've missed me.
00:35:34And hey, I've got some friends for you first.
00:35:37Father, I thought you might like...
00:35:39What's going on?
00:35:40Uh, I was just disciplining this young lady.
00:35:43Oh?
00:35:44What did she do?
00:35:45She was making rude bodily noises.
00:35:50Christy!
00:35:51I was not.
00:35:52Well, I should hope not.
00:35:54Father, I thought you might like a little guided tour around the school.
00:36:00Oh, that would be lovely, but could you just wait for me outside?
00:36:04Of course, Father.
00:36:06Duh, Jera.
00:36:07Why'd you say that?
00:36:08It just popped into my head.
00:36:09I ought to pop you in the head.
00:36:10I couldn't think of what to say.
00:36:11I stay out of trouble for five weeks, I talk to you for two minutes, and I'm back on a shit list again.
00:36:26Why don't you just stay out of my life?
00:36:28Christy!
00:36:29How dare you hit a priest?
00:36:33It's okay, sister.
00:36:34She was just...
00:36:37Or were you just?
00:36:38It most certainly is not okay.
00:36:41Young lady, I am very, very disappointed with you.
00:36:44You think you're sorry now.
00:36:46You bet you'll be sorry.
00:36:48From now on, except for class and church, you will not leave your dorm until further notice.
00:36:54Do I make myself clear?
00:36:56Yes, sister.
00:36:57Now scoot!
00:37:04Boy, today's youth, huh?
00:37:06I can't understand it, Father.
00:37:08She's been such a good girl.
00:37:10Must be that time of the month.
00:37:15Well, anyway, I thought this might be a good time for you to hear confessions.
00:37:23Confessions?
00:37:27Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:37:44My last confession was a week ago.
00:37:46My sins are...
00:37:49I coveted my neighbor's dessert and lunch hall.
00:37:53I almost said a bad word when I stubbed my toe.
00:37:56Oh, and I had an impure thought.
00:37:59Oh, really?
00:38:00What kind of impure thought?
00:38:03I...
00:38:04I imagined I was kissing Donny Osmond.
00:38:09That's it?
00:38:10Yes, Father.
00:38:12Don't let it happen again.
00:38:14Yes, Father.
00:38:17Are you going to give me a penance?
00:38:22What do you think you deserve?
00:38:23I don't know.
00:38:24Ten Hail Marys and the Lord's Prayer?
00:38:27I can deal with that.
00:38:28Go ahead and tack on twenty push-ups.
00:38:29Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:38:30It's been a week since my last confession.
00:38:32Let's see.
00:38:33I slugged a girl, but she asked for it.
00:38:36And I cheated on a test.
00:38:37But that's only if you call it cheating,
00:38:39when the girl next to you practically begs you to look at her answer sheet
00:38:41by not asking the answer to her.
00:38:43I'm sorry.
00:38:44No.
00:38:46That's the main problem.
00:38:47I'm sorry.
00:38:48I'm sorry.
00:38:49I'm sorry.
00:38:50I'm sorry.
00:38:51I'm sorry.
00:38:52I'm sorry.
00:38:53I'm sorry.
00:38:54Let me tell you.
00:38:55I'm sorry.
00:38:56I'm sorry.
00:38:57I'm sorry.
00:38:58I'm sorry.
00:38:59I'm sorry.
00:39:00I'm sorry.
00:39:01I'm sorry.
00:39:02I'm sorry.
00:39:03I'm sorry.
00:39:04begs you to look at her answer sheet by not covering it up and i told a few fibs here and
00:39:10there but i'm sure it didn't hurt anybody any impure thoughts well sure yeah some of those
00:39:19tell me about them well in math class i imagined i was sunbathing on a deserted island in my bikini
00:39:30yes and it just got so hot i had to take off my top really and my nipples they stood firm and erect
00:39:44as the foamy waves washed over my body yes
00:39:50and i felt this this tingling sensation up my taut supple thighs
00:39:56and i suddenly realized i was madly madly aroused
00:40:07is is this a sin i hope so what god only knows
00:40:14continue you know i thought i'd go with it i grabbed this oil and i just rubbed it everywhere
00:40:21just everywhere all over my body because it's so hot i'm falling father it was hot
00:40:26they caught him
00:40:47they tied him up with rosary beads and dumped him in a vat of boiling holy water will you relax he'll
00:40:52he'll be fine
00:41:05how did you like our chapel father very very very much
00:41:11you know you certainly did take a lot of time with that one girl
00:41:16well i like to be very thorough i think of confession as sort of a spiritual enema
00:41:38sister felicia i meant to speak with you about that christy
00:41:41i don't know how to explain actually i think it all might have been just a little bit of a
00:41:49misunderstanding see she said she wanted to make her confession with me and i said do you want to
00:41:55make it with me right now i think she misinterpreted
00:42:02well well she still shouldn't have hit you father maybe we could just make her punishment a little less
00:42:07severe well we'll see oh i'd better get that excuse me father
00:42:18hello father
00:42:27sister felicia this is bishop hannes oh hello bishop hannes hello sister how are things at the
00:42:40garden just fine your excellency couldn't be better oh and i want you to know father goose has been
00:42:46having a wonderful visit father goose after lunch we're going to show him the petunia beds sister have
00:42:57you been feeling all right well yes of course why do you ask never mind sister i'm afraid we have some
00:43:05serious business uh yes i i know we've heard the rumors sir the school has become a drain on the church's
00:43:14resources if it can't be turned around actually the good news is that our troubles may be over soon
00:43:21i think we'll be getting an endowment from the guilt gouger foundation
00:43:28oh really yes and and if you could bear with us until the end of the semester i think things will work
00:43:37out well i suppose we can hold off that long oh thank you your excellency you won't regret it
00:43:46and i know you'll be happy with father goose's report what is this father goose business
00:43:53you know the the priest you sent to look us over i didn't send any father goose
00:43:58it didn't it didn't it didn't all right your excellency uh thank you for calling goodbye
00:44:07oh
00:44:10i
00:44:12i
00:44:16i
00:44:18i
00:44:20i
00:44:22i
00:44:24i
00:44:26i
00:44:28i
00:44:30Your hands on me.
00:44:31Father Goose indeed, our father!
00:44:33Father Goose, Tim!
00:44:35My goodness, if I ever had seen that woman,
00:44:39Goose, Goose.
00:44:44Sisters and virgins, be on the lookout for an imposter priest
00:44:47who has infiltrated the academy under the guise of Father Goose.
00:44:51He should be considered armed and dangerous.
00:44:57Oh my God, he escaped.
00:44:58Well, how'd he do?
00:45:00All right!
00:45:01Put on your party hats, boys.
00:45:02We're coming back here tomorrow night.
00:45:19Four, five, six, three pockets!
00:45:21You bitch!
00:45:23You bitch!
00:45:24You bitch!
00:45:25You bitch!
00:45:26You bitch!
00:45:29If my calculations are correct, and I do believe they are, Christy's dorm room is 200 yards
00:45:52through Southwest, which is right over that road.
00:45:55Hot damn!
00:45:56No way to this!
00:45:57There's no way that I'm going to be a party for this!
00:46:01Shit!
00:46:04Ah, community test!
00:46:06$200.
00:46:13I really appreciate you guys staying in with me the night while I'm grounded.
00:46:16No problem.
00:46:17It's the least we could do.
00:46:18Yeah, and besides, it's not like we had 40 guys calling us for daytime.
00:46:22It's just for dates tonight.
00:46:23Yeah.
00:46:24You know what would really be me?
00:46:25What?
00:46:26If three Greek gods came flying through that window right this minute and swept us up in
00:46:31their powerful arms and carried us off to Mount Olympus.
00:46:34Yeah, Greek gods.
00:46:38Attention, Virgins!
00:46:40Do not miss the movie tonight, The Bells of St. Mary, starring Pete Cross.
00:46:46Okay, Murphy.
00:46:47It's Friday night.
00:46:48Time to pay the piper.
00:46:49Come on, Kathleen.
00:46:50Give her a break.
00:46:51When I want to hear from you, Baines, I'll send a fax.
00:46:52$25 bucks!
00:46:53Oh, I don't think you understand what the Poor Pagan Children's Fund is!
00:46:57It is not an optional thing!
00:46:58Everybody contributes to the Poor Pagan Children's Fund!
00:47:00What's the Poor Pagan Children's Fund?
00:47:02What's the Poor Pagan Children's Fund?
00:47:03Uh, good evening, sister!
00:47:04Um, the Poor Pagan Children's Fund...
00:47:05I may as well tell you.
00:47:06See, we've all been contributing to this fund.
00:47:07and, at the end of the semester, we're gonna give it all to you.
00:47:08It was supposed to be a surprise, but, well, I'm not sure.
00:47:09I can't believe it.
00:47:10Okay, it's not.
00:47:11I'm not sure what the Poor Pagan Children's Fund is.
00:47:13It's not an optional thing.
00:47:14Everybody contributes to the Poor Pagan Children's Fund!
00:47:16What's the Poor Pagan Children's Fund?
00:47:18What's the Poor Pagan Children's Fund?
00:47:19Uh, good evening, sister!
00:47:20Good evening, sister!
00:47:23Um, the Poor Pagan Children's Fund...
00:47:27Oh, I may as well tell you.
00:47:29See, we've all been contributing to this fund and, at the end of the semester,
00:47:33we're gonna give it all to you.
00:47:34It was supposed to be a surprise, but, well, I guess she found us out.
00:47:39I'll be darned. Whose idea was this?
00:47:43Well, I can't take all the credit. I couldn't have done it without the girls.
00:47:47And Kathleen's here keeping the money. She has over $300.
00:47:50No kidding. Well, I must say, I didn't think you kids had it in you.
00:47:55Nice work, men.
00:47:57Anyway, as you know, we've got our big formal in a couple weeks.
00:48:01Traditionally, we hold a car wash to pay for the expenses.
00:48:04I need someone to take charge, and I need volunteers for washing.
00:48:09Oh, I would be delighted to advance the interests of the school
00:48:13by organizing and supervising the cleansing of the automobiles, sister.
00:48:18Great. You'd be perfect. We'll shoot for next Saturday.
00:48:23Now, come on, Kathleen. Let's go get that money.
00:48:27Yes, sister.
00:48:34I don't believe this.
00:48:42Jerry, are you on your tour?
00:48:46Nice digs you got here.
00:48:48Get out of here.
00:48:49Oh, my God.
00:48:50Boy, he's coming in.
00:48:51We've got this. This is going to be interesting.
00:48:53Beautiful night for a party, isn't it?
00:48:55Don't you think you've already got me in enough trouble?
00:48:57I talked to the nun. You're off the hook.
00:48:59Who's he?
00:49:01Evening, ladies.
00:49:02There are no boys allowed in this door.
00:49:04That's okay. We're not boys. We're men.
00:49:06Please, Jerry. Someone's going to come up here for sure.
00:49:09Door's locked, isn't it?
00:49:11You don't look like a Greek god to me.
00:49:13Greek god? I missed one workout. Give me a break, okay?
00:49:15I don't believe this. We just broke into a girl's dorm room.
00:49:20Hi. I'm Melanie.
00:49:21Uh, Theo.
00:49:23Jerry, if you don't get out of here, I'm calling the guard.
00:49:25Come on, Christy. Thirty minutes and we are out of here.
00:49:28Word of honor, I absolutely swear, you will not get into trouble.
00:49:33Are you a pre-bird?
00:49:35Oh, never on the first date.
00:49:36Hey, would you guys mind keeping your voices down?
00:49:38Are you always this nervous?
00:49:40You guys, we could play some strip Monopoly.
00:49:44Or regular.
00:49:46I would like to propose a toast to Virgin High.
00:49:49To Moonlit Nights, Champagne and Viva la Difference.
00:49:53The Tour de Force, C'est la vie, Soupe du jour, The Tour Eiffel.
00:49:58Or whatever the hell else we can think of.
00:50:00Hasta pazoules.
00:50:01You're here.
00:50:01You guys.
00:50:09Nothing is wrong, baby, less is right.
00:50:11That's why I break cold sweat in the middle of the night.
00:50:14Chiddle to bro, yeah, through and through.
00:50:16All I want to do is drive all night with you.
00:50:19Thank you very much.
00:50:21You're too kind.
00:50:25This is beautiful.
00:50:26Thank you very much.
00:50:51I got a new girl and she feels all right.
00:51:04Got a new car, gonna drive all night.
00:51:07Feels pretty good, this life at the top.
00:51:11Well, troops, we've got $258.
00:51:26With a little less loathing, we could have done better.
00:51:30Why don't you lighten up, Kathleen?
00:51:34You may have squandered my money, Murphy.
00:51:38But I can still crush you like a grape.
00:51:42Okay, let's get those flights cleaned up.
00:51:45One, two, three, four.
00:51:50Hey, girls, how about a watch?
00:51:51Sorry, we're close.
00:51:53It's all right.
00:51:53We'll do this one.
00:51:54Hi, sailors.
00:51:55What'll it be?
00:51:56Give us an around the world with all the trimmer.
00:51:58Okay, girls, give them the hoes.
00:52:01Hey, that sounds great.
00:52:02So, Virgin High isn't so bad after all, eh?
00:52:07Well, it ain't Greenland, I'll give it that.
00:52:09Well, me thinks thou dost protest too much.
00:52:12You think it's that, don't you?
00:52:13Yes.
00:52:14Me also thinks thou hast a whole new attitude
00:52:16towards all dare these days.
00:52:19Oh, oh!
00:52:22Waterfine!
00:52:23Ah!
00:52:25Ah!
00:52:27Ah!
00:52:28Ah!
00:52:29Ah!
00:52:29Ah!
00:52:29Ah!
00:52:29Ah!
00:52:29Ah!
00:52:29Ah!
00:52:29Ah!
00:52:30Ah!
00:52:30Ah!
00:52:30Ah!
00:52:31Ah!
00:52:31Ah!
00:52:31Ah!
00:52:32No, you don't!
00:52:35No, waterfine!
00:52:36Do you hear me?
00:52:38No, waterfine!
00:52:39Stop this immediately!
00:52:43Okay, fine.
00:52:44Act like children.
00:52:46But the first person that gets a single drop of water on me!
00:52:59Murphy!
00:53:00Murphy!
00:53:00Murphy!
00:53:01I didn't do it!
00:53:01I didn't do it!
00:53:02Don't fight on me, you little bitch!
00:53:06That does it, Murphy.
00:53:12You're a ghost at this school.
00:53:15You're not going to blame me for that, are you?
00:53:23Academy of the blessed virgin?
00:53:37Just a sec.
00:53:37Murphy!
00:53:38Murphy!
00:53:40Hello, Christy.
00:53:49Oh, hi, Dad.
00:53:50Who was that nice young lady who answered the phone?
00:53:52That's Kathleen.
00:53:53I told you you'd make nice friends.
00:53:56Friends for life.
00:53:58So, uh, are you looking forward to the big formal next week?
00:54:02Actually, I wasn't even planning on going.
00:54:04Not going? Of course you're going.
00:54:07You don't want to miss the big social event of the year, do you?
00:54:10I don't feel like it besides.
00:54:12I don't even have a date.
00:54:13What do you mean? Sure you have a date.
00:54:16I do?
00:54:17I knew you wouldn't be having much contact with boys this semester,
00:54:21so I invited Leonard Clappner to escort you.
00:54:24Leonard Clappner? Duh, Dad. I don't think so.
00:54:28A fine young man. Smart, intelligent, well-mannered,
00:54:32and need I add heir to his father's fertilizer empire?
00:54:36Dad, I don't think...
00:54:37Actually, your mother and I might stop by ourselves.
00:54:40Uh, I've already discussed it with Sister Felicia,
00:54:43and she's more than happy to have us.
00:54:45Dad, I wasn't even planning.
00:54:47So, we'll see you at the formal, and keep up the good work.
00:54:49Bye, honey.
00:54:55You're a bad boy, haven't you?
00:54:59No, Mommy, no.
00:55:01No.
00:55:02No.
00:55:03No.
00:55:05No.
00:55:09No.
00:55:16Oh!
00:55:20No, no.
00:55:21No.
00:55:22No.
00:55:23No.
00:55:24Oh
00:55:54Oh
00:56:04God
00:56:06That was
00:56:08The most awesome experience I have ever had without the use of a controlled substance
00:56:15Was it as good for you as it was for me Kathleen?
00:56:19I've got it
00:56:21What I
00:56:23I should have thought of it earlier, but I have definitely got it
00:56:28You told me those tests came back negative not that sweet vacuum skull
00:56:35I figured out a way we can get Murphy
00:56:39We
00:56:41You told me you were an expert with explosives, right?
00:56:45Not exactly I told you that once in high school I cherry-bombed the girls John. Oh, whatever. I figure we
00:56:52Take your expertise and combine it with my expertise in painting
00:56:57And with a little help from the happy whip company
00:57:00We'll give young Miss Murphy a send-off to René
00:57:05What are you scheming? I don't like the sound of this at all
00:57:09Derrick, honey
00:57:11Have you ever made love in a jacuzzi full of jello with a full set of leather accessories and the Brandenburg concerto playing at high volume?
00:57:23No
00:57:25Do you think you'd like to?
00:57:27Yes
00:57:29But not at any price
00:57:31I do have principles, you know
00:57:33Yes, the same principles the nuns will respect and admire you for
00:57:39If they ever find out, God forbid, that you've been porking one of their sweet innocent little angels
00:57:48What do I do and when do we start?
00:57:51So you studs ready for the big night?
00:58:19Hell yeah, Jer
00:58:21I even bought some Popalactics
00:58:23I can't believe you tried every one of them on
00:58:26They're one size fits all
00:58:27Sounded fishy to me
00:58:29So Jer, I can't believe you're not going to this party
00:58:33As much as it hurts, sometimes you just have to face the truth
00:58:37I just wasn't invited
00:58:39Heavy
00:58:43Anyway, Jer, got any pointers on helping me get this girl to give out?
00:58:47Give out?
00:58:49You know, shut up or put down
00:58:53Hide the baloney, okay?
00:58:55Now Zoom
00:58:57Babe, you have to understand that women have a completely different perspective on things than say you, me, or even Theo over here
00:59:05So what you gotta do is be prepared
00:59:07Now you already bought the raincoats, and that's good
00:59:11But if it goes that far, be shocked to find them in your wallet
00:59:15Like saying maybe, I must have planted it there
00:59:17Never let the chick know that the whole thing was premeditated
00:59:21Oh yeah, right, take it from Dr. Pocketpool over there
00:59:25Contrary to Theo's belief, the five knuckle shuffle does not grow hair on your palms
00:59:29Listen, women love to talk
00:59:35So talk to her
00:59:37Use big words, talk about the environment, Jane Fonda
00:59:41Bullshit like that
00:59:43And if all else fails
00:59:45Go for the cones
00:59:47He's to go down fighting
01:00:01Come on, Chris, you should be excited like we are
01:00:03It's gonna be fun
01:00:04That's easy for you to say
01:00:06You're not gonna want Leonard Klappner
01:00:08He can't be that bad, can he?
01:00:12Okay, but at least you can have fun
01:00:14There's gonna be dancing and food
01:00:16You can't keep moping about Jerry forever
01:00:18I'm not really moping
01:00:20I'm just wondering if maybe I was too hard on him
01:00:22I mean the water fight really wasn't his fault
01:00:24Zoomer started it
01:00:26I know, you think maybe I should give him another chance?
01:00:28I don't know
01:00:30But this is not the time to think about it
01:00:32Now, are you gonna get over here and be frivolous with us or not?
01:00:36Sure
01:00:42You keep barging in here like that
01:00:44And we're gonna have to start locking the door
01:00:46I'm sorry
01:00:48Actually, I came here because I have something to say to Christie
01:00:56Christie, I'm sorry
01:00:58Excuse me?
01:01:00I just feel like such a jackass
01:01:02I've been thinking about it all week
01:01:04And I just feel like dirt for the things I've said to you
01:01:08Did the nun send you over here?
01:01:10No!
01:01:12I just realized why I've been so mean to you
01:01:16Why?
01:01:18Because I was jealous of you
01:01:20All of you!
01:01:22We're all such great friends
01:01:24And I never had that
01:01:26I mean...
01:01:28And then I realized
01:01:30The reason I don't have any friends
01:01:32Is because I am such a bitch!
01:01:34Can you imagine that?
01:01:36So I decided
01:01:38From this day forward
01:01:40I'm cleaning up my aunt
01:01:42No more threats
01:01:44No more nastiness
01:01:46Just goodness and light
01:01:48And good will toward all
01:01:50What do you say?
01:01:52Great!
01:01:54Attention Christie
01:01:56Do not be fooled
01:01:58She is a lying bitch
01:02:00And cannot be trusted
01:02:02That is all
01:02:04Well I was thinking
01:02:06Well I was thinking
01:02:08We should take up a collection
01:02:10And buy a gift for the school
01:02:12The other day
01:02:14I saw this painting of the Blessed Virgin
01:02:16That would be just perfect
01:02:20And then we write a little inscription on the bottom
01:02:22And then somebody gives a speech at the formal
01:02:26I don't know
01:02:28Dear Christie
01:02:30And then we'll have the grand unveiling
01:02:33How does that sound?
01:02:35Sure!
01:02:37We can go with that
01:02:39Great!
01:02:40Oh this is just gonna be super
01:02:42Just like the four muscatettes
01:02:55Hey hey Jose!
01:02:56Zoomer, it's a formal
01:02:57You're supposed to rent a tux
01:02:59Hey, I haven't got that kind of casual
01:03:01Besides, I wanted to do the casual thing
01:03:04Damn, I don't believe I forgot to order Melanie a corsage
01:03:08A what?
01:03:09There was only one left
01:03:10And some prom clown snaked it before I could
01:03:14Oh, totally uncool
01:03:16You don't want your babe to think you're some kind of wimp do ya?
01:03:19I was gonna spend ten bucks on that too
01:03:22Well maybe, but I didn't bring one
01:03:25My babe would have slapped me?
01:03:27You want me to look bad?
01:03:29It was refrigerated and everything
01:03:33This doesn't feel right, Jerry should be with us
01:03:35Where's my hat?
01:03:36Maybe it's best that he's not here this time
01:03:38Hey, hey, hey Jose!
01:03:40He's our bud
01:03:42Do you think he's bumming?
01:03:47Probably
01:03:49Hey, why don't we jam over to his place
01:03:52Cheer him up
01:03:53And then ask him if he wants to crash it with us
01:03:55Well he's not crashing it with us
01:03:57But we could go over and see how he's doing
01:03:59We're gonna be late to pick up the girls
01:04:02Let him wait
01:04:03We're studs
01:04:08Theo?
01:04:09Really?
01:04:10Where's my hat?
01:04:11Haha
01:04:41Entree
01:04:45Hey, hey Jose
01:04:47So, how do we look?
01:04:49You look like a couple of gonads
01:04:52Oh, thanks
01:04:53We love you too
01:04:54What are you guys doing here?
01:04:55I just wanna come cheer you up a little
01:04:57By reminding me that you two Dorcas' have dates for the formal
01:04:59While I, the wizard of studliness
01:05:00Get to stay home with the Mario brothers
01:05:01Thanks a lot
01:05:02That's very thoughtful
01:05:03Jesus, Jerry
01:05:04Lighten up
01:05:05It's not like you'd be so depressed
01:05:06Yeah, in fact
01:05:07I can't believe you've given up on Christy so easy
01:05:08She's right, Zoom
01:05:09I'm bad luck for her
01:05:10Some things just are not meant to be
01:05:12Would you listen to this?
01:05:13The wizard of studliness?
01:05:14No, look
01:05:15You guys just go
01:05:16Have a great time
01:05:17I'm bad luck for her
01:05:18Some things just are not meant to be
01:05:20Would you listen to this?
01:05:21The wizard of studliness?
01:05:22No, look
01:05:23You guys just go
01:05:24Have a great time
01:05:26I'd rather slit my wrists in private anyways, okay?
01:05:30Oh, that's great
01:05:31I mean
01:05:32I know we're gonna have a blast now
01:05:33Just kidding
01:05:34Now listen, guys
01:05:35Just, just go ahead
01:05:36Just go
01:05:37Come on, Jerry
01:05:38We can't, we can't leave you like this
01:05:40You're not leaving me like anything
01:05:41Just go
01:05:42Come on, Jerry
01:05:43We'll get a little tapioca pudding
01:05:45Some babes, huh?
01:05:46A little baby oil, huh?
01:05:47Put them in a little swimming pool
01:05:48We'll get real dirty
01:05:50Bye
01:05:52Bye
01:05:53Bye
01:05:54Let's get out of here
01:05:55What a couple of geeks
01:06:00Wah
01:06:19Are you boys just about ready?
01:06:20Any time, sister?
01:06:21Oh, good
01:06:22Here's your list of songs
01:06:24List?
01:06:25Thai yellow ribbon
01:06:27Kumbaya
01:06:28You really expect us to play this stuff?
01:06:32Well, of course
01:06:33Why not?
01:06:34Well, you know
01:06:35It's not our type of thing, you know?
01:06:38Oh, now, now, young man
01:06:39Let's not forget
01:06:40Who's paying the piper tonight?
01:06:43What's not on your list?
01:06:44Good evening, sister Felicia
01:06:45Oh, hi Kathleen
01:06:46I can't tell you what an enormous pleasure it is to be here this fine evening
01:07:02That's nice
01:07:04That's nice
01:07:05Is there anything I can help you with?
01:07:07No, no
01:07:08You and your day just go and have a good time
01:07:11Well, I don't have a date
01:07:13I don't plan to date till I'm 21
01:07:16I'm saving myself for my husband
01:07:19Really?
01:07:20That certainly is a refreshing notion in this day and age
01:07:26Hi, guys and girls
01:07:34Good luck to see you
01:07:35Hey, sister
01:07:36Are you kids all set to get in there and boogie oogie oogie?
01:07:38Oh, yes, ma'am
01:07:39We're ready to get uptight, out of sight
01:07:41I want you to remember the rules
01:07:43There will be no loud talking
01:07:45No slurping the punch
01:07:47No close dancing
01:07:48And keep both seats on the floor at all times
01:07:52Now you can get in there and enjoy yourselves
01:07:54Yes, sir
01:07:55Yes, sir
01:07:56Yes, sir
01:08:09You got all this stuff in place?
01:08:11Mm-hmm
01:08:12And I got a little something extra
01:08:15You idiot
01:08:17Do you want to blow the whole thing?
01:08:19I just thought that you and I would get together later, that's all
01:08:24Well, it's too brisk
01:08:26Just get rid of it and meet me in the storage room
01:08:28Oh, look at the boys and girls having such a good time
01:08:35Isn't it fun?
01:08:36Yes, it truly is a lovely party, mommy
01:08:39Well, now we better make sure that they do behave themselves
01:08:40Oh, look at that couple over there, sister
01:08:41Just a little too close
01:08:42You take care of it
01:08:43Go get him, sister Ramona
01:08:44So I figured I'd gamble, right?
01:08:45Grab the old five-iron
01:08:46And loft it
01:08:47A perfect fader around the tree
01:08:48Fit the green like a tree
01:08:49Oh, look at the boys and girls
01:08:50Oh, look at the boys and girls
01:08:51Oh, look at the boys and girls having such a good time
01:08:52Isn't it fun?
01:08:53Yes, it truly is a lovely party
01:08:54Mommy
01:08:55Oh, look at the boys and girls having such a good time
01:08:56Isn't it fun?
01:08:57Yes, it truly is a lovely party
01:08:58Mommy
01:08:59Just a little too close
01:09:00You take care of it
01:09:01Go get him, sister Ramona
01:09:03So I figured I'd gamble, right?
01:09:06Grab the old five-iron
01:09:08And loft it
01:09:09A perfect fader around the tree
01:09:12Fit the green like a piranha
01:09:15Rolled uphill
01:09:16And bingo
01:09:17In the cup
01:09:18180 yards
01:09:20Can you believe that?
01:09:22That's awesome
01:09:24Next week I'm gonna get a new set of peens
01:09:29Let the wild in the quake
01:09:35Yo, sister!
01:09:37Leonard Clappner!
01:09:38How do you do, Leonard?
01:09:40Hello, Christine
01:09:41Sister
01:09:42Um, your folks, they haven't arrived yet, have they?
01:09:45No, but they should be here pretty soon
01:09:47Well, now I'm sure there's no need to remind you
01:09:50How important it is you make a good impression on them tonight
01:09:54Hey!
01:09:55With me, how could things go wrong?
01:09:59Good!
01:10:00It's phenomenal!
01:10:02I can't wait to see the look on Murphy's face when she gets in front of the whole school and unveils this
01:10:08Oh, you are a real devil, Kathleen
01:10:12You got the cherry bombs?
01:10:15Yeah, all hooked up and ready to blow
01:10:17All I have to do is set the timer
01:10:20And the whipped cream
01:10:23I can't wait
01:10:25Now the presentation is a ten
01:10:29So you meet me back here at five of sharp
01:10:32You got it?
01:10:34Anything for you, honey dumplings
01:10:37I'm crying in breath
01:10:39With his perfection
01:10:40But
01:10:41Not so much
01:10:42With your defense
01:10:43Your life
01:10:44As I take on
01:10:45First depression
01:10:46First depression
01:10:47Fixing the salary of kids like two
01:10:56Heck of a party, eh, sister?
01:10:58Your excellency, you've made it
01:11:00Well, I wouldn't want to miss your big event
01:11:02Any sign of you know who?
01:11:04No, and I don't know what's keeping them either
01:11:07I'd hate to see them back out now
01:11:09We wouldn't want this to be your last hurrah, now would we?
01:11:12We certainly wouldn't
01:11:13We certainly wouldn't
01:11:14First depression
01:11:16How long, how long, how long, how long do you I need
01:11:23Sister Felicia?
01:11:25What's in this punch?
01:11:27What's in it?
01:11:28Well, it's a sherbet, fruit punch, all the usual stuff
01:11:32Why?
01:11:33Excellent!
01:11:35I've never tasted anything like it!
01:11:37Oh, really?
01:11:38I have, um...
01:11:39Oh, yes, please
01:11:41Can I help you, young man?
01:11:52No, I'm just here to take a few pictures
01:11:54I'm sorry, I don't remember hearing anything about a photographer
01:11:57Listen, ma'am
01:11:59All I know is the school already paid for the service
01:12:02And the studio sent me over here
01:12:03I can either do it or not
01:12:05It doesn't matter to me
01:12:07Well, alright, if we paid for it
01:12:10My chance is on first impression
01:12:13First impression
01:12:16First impression
01:12:19First impression
01:12:26Now the way I see it
01:12:28With your looks
01:12:29And my brains
01:12:31And looks
01:12:32We could produce a whole litter of super achievers
01:12:35Ha!
01:12:36Ha!
01:12:39You don't mind my studly body
01:12:41I mean
01:12:42Admit it
01:12:43Governor
01:12:44Don't make me put a footprint in your scrotum
01:12:46It wouldn't be pretty
01:12:50I love it when you talk violent
01:12:54Ha!
01:12:55Look, whoa
01:12:56What are those merks?
01:12:57Oh
01:12:59Oh
01:13:00Oh, Dick, isn't this romantic?
01:13:04It reminds me of our very first date.
01:13:08We went to Arby's on our first date.
01:13:10Oh, no, that was our second.
01:13:13My prom was our first.
01:13:17Now seeing it all here again, it just makes me want to.
01:13:21Ooh, you what?
01:13:23Margaret, please.
01:13:25This is a proper gathering.
01:13:28See that for later.
01:13:30Oh, boy, oh, boy, sister, if you could bottle this stuff and sell it, your money troubles would be over.
01:13:47It should be.
01:13:48Car sales and fake wash, isn't it?
01:13:51Good evening, folks.
01:13:54Well, well, if it isn't, Mr. and Mrs. Moneybagged.
01:13:58I beg your pardon.
01:13:59Excuse us, Mr. Murphy.
01:14:02We're all just on kind of a natural high tonight.
01:14:06Here, try some fun.
01:14:11I think you'll all be very pleased with a little piece of paper I brought here to hand over to you tonight.
01:14:17Oh, Mr. Murphy.
01:14:18Oh, I know that God is saving a special place in heaven for you.
01:14:26I mean, wow.
01:14:28Wow.
01:14:29This punch is fantastic.
01:14:30This punch is fantastic.
01:14:31Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:14:32Perfect.
01:14:32It's spicy.
01:14:34Smile, everybody.
01:14:35Woo!
01:14:36Ha, ha, ha.
01:14:37Do you believe in premarital interdigitation?
01:14:41No way.
01:14:42What's that?
01:14:43Do you believe in premarital osculation?
01:14:46You really are a free bird, aren't you?
01:14:48Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it.
01:14:51Jeez.
01:14:52Pardon my goose.
01:14:53Have you guys seen Christy anywhere?
01:14:55Because I've got to find her right away.
01:14:56She's around here someplace.
01:14:57I don't know if she wants to see you, though.
01:14:59Hey, does Jerry Kaminsky know what he's doing or what?
01:15:03Tell her Theo.
01:15:05He's got no idea what he's doing.
01:15:09Oh, Dick.
01:15:11I just feel so warm and gooey inside.
01:15:15I could just beat the hell out of you.
01:15:18No.
01:15:19He's warm.
01:15:20Not now.
01:15:21All right, baby.
01:15:23Woo!
01:15:24Hey.
01:15:25Hey.
01:15:26Hey.
01:15:27Hey.
01:15:28Young lovebirds.
01:15:29Hi, Dad.
01:15:30Hi, Mom.
01:15:31Are you having a good time?
01:15:32You bet we are, sir.
01:15:33I mean, I may just have to take this young girl off your hands one of these days.
01:15:48Well, Christy, it seems they finally made a young lady out of you.
01:15:52I trust you're not going to blow it.
01:15:54Come on, Margaret.
01:15:55Let's get some more of that.
01:15:56Come on.
01:16:01Oh, my.
01:16:02Thank you, sister.
01:16:03Christy.
01:16:04Hi.
01:16:05The presentation is going to be any minute now.
01:16:09Are you all set to do your thing?
01:16:11I think so.
01:16:12Wow.
01:16:13This is going to be all time.
01:16:14I'm going to go set everything up.
01:16:15All right.
01:16:16Why don't you go take a cold shower?
01:16:19Hey, take on the bus.
01:16:20Oh, I'm a mess.
01:16:21Yes.
01:16:22Wise.
01:16:23Oh, my goodness.
01:16:24You're with that.
01:16:25How did she get that?
01:16:26Oh, my goodness.
01:16:27You let me tell you the best.
01:16:28Oh, Christy.
01:16:29Hi.
01:16:30The presentation is going to be any minute now.
01:16:31Are you all set to do your thing?
01:16:32I think so.
01:16:33Wow, this is going to be all time.
01:16:34We'll go take a cold shower.
01:16:38Yo, Betty!
01:16:40To be a part of me!
01:16:45Hey, take on the bus!
01:16:50Leonard, we can knock it off!
01:16:52Oh, mama!
01:16:53Damn it, Leonard!
01:16:55Oh, no!
01:16:56What?
01:16:57Not tonight of all nights!
01:16:59Oh, the photographer!
01:17:01I should've known he'd show up here.
01:17:03You want me to kick his ass?
01:17:05No, Leonard!
01:17:06It's as black as you and don't let him see me!
01:17:08Oh!
01:17:34One more show!
01:17:36You are heroes!
01:17:37Yes!
01:17:38You are heroes!
01:17:42Oh, that's our cue!
01:17:43Come on, Tampa!
01:17:44Let's go, Sister Felicia!
01:17:46Let's go!
01:17:47Let's go!
01:17:48Let's go!
01:17:49Let's go!
01:17:54Hi, everybody!
01:17:56Hi, Sister Felicia!
01:17:58Are we all having fun?
01:18:01No!
01:18:02Oh, you can do better than that!
01:18:05Come on!
01:18:06Are we all having fun?
01:18:08No!
01:18:09No!
01:18:10No!
01:18:11That's better!
01:18:12Well, first, a few announcements.
01:18:16The field hockey team is playing St. Elizabeth for sixth place next Tuesday!
01:18:22I've already started!
01:18:23Hurry up!
01:18:24Hurry up!
01:18:25Damn it!
01:18:26I'm going to stand for my pants!
01:18:28And don't forget, there's an extra confession scheduled for tomorrow for those of us who've
01:18:35had too much fun tonight!
01:18:39Oh, yeah!
01:18:41Oh!
01:18:42Oh!
01:18:43Oh!
01:18:44Oh!
01:18:45Oh!
01:18:46Oh!
01:18:47Oh!
01:18:48Oh!
01:18:49Oh!
01:18:50Oh!
01:18:51Oh!
01:18:52Oh!
01:18:53Oh!
01:18:54Oh!
01:18:55Oh!
01:18:56Oh!
01:18:57Oh!
01:18:58Oh!
01:18:59Oh!
01:19:00Oh!
01:19:01Oh!
01:19:02That was wild!
01:19:03Mmm!
01:19:04Well, now, we have some wonderful news for the Academy tonight!
01:19:10And I'm going to hand it over to Mr. Dick Murphy to tell us all about it!
01:19:18Mr. Murphy!
01:19:19Woo!
01:19:21Woo!
01:19:22Woo!
01:19:23Woo!
01:19:24Woo!
01:19:25Woo!
01:19:26Woo!
01:19:27Woo!
01:19:28Woo!
01:19:29Woo!
01:19:30Woo!
01:19:31Woo!
01:19:32Woo!
01:19:33Woo!
01:19:34Woo!
01:19:35Woo!
01:19:36Woo!
01:19:37Woo!
01:19:38Woo!
01:19:39Woo!
01:19:40Woo!
01:19:41Woo!
01:19:42Woo!
01:19:43Woo!
01:19:44Woo!
01:19:45Woo!
01:19:46Woo!
01:19:47Woo!
01:19:48Woo!
01:19:49Woo!
01:19:50Woo!
01:19:51Woo!
01:19:52Woo!
01:19:53Woo!
01:19:54Woo!
01:19:55Woo!
01:19:56Woo!
01:19:57Woo!
01:19:58Woo!
01:19:59Woo!
01:20:00Woo!
01:20:01Woo!
01:20:02Woo!
01:20:03Woo!
01:20:04Woo!
01:20:05Woo!
01:20:06Woo!
01:20:07Woo!
01:20:08Woo!
01:20:09Thank you so much, Mr. Murphy, or as you will always be known to us, St. Dick.
01:20:25Well, next on the agenda, we're going to...
01:20:29Before Bishop Hannes says a few words to us, I've been told that there's one more important announcement.
01:20:40Christy, come on.
01:20:45Because the Academy has been such a special place for us to go to school,
01:20:50the senior girls would like to dedicate a small token of our team to the Academy.
01:20:54Sister, Your Excellency.
01:20:56Um, a few words in parting.
01:21:01Did I mention what a great group of seniors we had this year?
01:21:04What the heck is she talking about?
01:21:11Get Kathleen up there!
01:21:13Kathleen, yes, Kathleen. Let's get our very own Kathleen up here.
01:21:17No, no way. I can't. I have nothing prepared.
01:21:20Come on.
01:21:21Stage fright! I have stage fright, okay?
01:21:23Aw, come on, Kathleen. Everybody knows this is your baby.
01:21:27Come on up here and give her a rip.
01:21:28No, no, I can't really. I can't.
01:21:31No.
01:21:32Aw, to hell with it.
01:21:33No, wait!
01:21:36Oh!
01:21:38Holy headlights!
01:21:39Oh!
01:21:39What?
01:21:40What?
01:21:41What?
01:21:41What?
01:21:41What?
01:21:42What?
01:21:42Hey, Derek, what is the meaning of this?
01:21:45My!
01:21:46Is this somebody's idea of a joke?
01:21:48Derek, go after her!
01:21:52Christy, what the Sam Hill is going on here?
01:21:55I thought it was a picture of the Blessed Virgin.
01:21:58Right, and I'm the King of Siam.
01:21:59No, really, I did.
01:22:01Oh, Mr. Murphy, we are so sorry.
01:22:04But I assure you, we are going to catch those guilty parties, and they will be punished.
01:22:11For your sake, I hope so.
01:22:13But in the meantime, I certainly can't let the good name of the Gelt Goucher Foundation
01:22:18be associated with a place where this kind of thing goes on.
01:22:24Oh, now, wait a second here.
01:22:26Let's not be rational.
01:22:28Sorry I've got my responsibilities.
01:22:30Christy, pack your mukluks.
01:22:32We're leading.
01:22:33Dad, please.
01:22:34Oh, please, Mr. Murphy, if you could just reconsider.
01:22:36No.
01:22:38No.
01:22:40No.
01:22:43Come on, Margaret.
01:22:45We're leading.
01:22:45This is not what it appears to be.
01:23:06Oh, sister, this wouldn't go beyond here, would it?
01:23:11Hey, who did that?
01:23:15You have nothing to worry about, sir.
01:23:17We all have our responsibilities.
01:23:21Now, wait just one minute.
01:23:23Oh, forget it, Dick.
01:23:25They've seen us.
01:23:28I'm getting some punch.
01:23:31Margaret, wait!
01:23:33Oh, what the hell?
01:23:40Let's party.
01:23:41Yeah!
01:23:44Hit it, dude!
01:23:54Christy?
01:24:06Your father has something to say to you.
01:24:08Go ahead, Dick.
01:24:10Right.
01:24:11Well, under the circumstances, honey, I just wanted to...
01:24:17I can't quite figure out how to say it.
01:24:19He's sorry for jumping to conclusions about you.
01:24:22Yeah.
01:24:23And, well, what I mean is...
01:24:26He feels maybe he's been a little too strict with you.
01:24:30Uh-huh.
01:24:31Because the thing is, uh...
01:24:33How can I put this?
01:24:35He only did it because he loves you, but now that you're older, maybe we can learn to trust you a bit more.
01:24:42Right.
01:24:43That's it.
01:24:43Dad, I never thought I'd hear you say that.
01:24:46Don't worry, dear.
01:24:47You didn't.
01:24:49Let's go.
01:24:50Hot stuff.
01:25:06So I'm just getting up to speed, and there's this unwelcome thud on the ragtop of my cruiser.
01:25:10No, Mr. Murphy.
01:25:13Old St. Dick himself.
01:25:15I guess I shouldn't have parked in their driveway.
01:25:17I guess that's why fathers don't like buying expensive prom dresses for their daughters.
01:25:22Why is that?
01:25:23Because they know that sometime during the night, it's going to end up wrapped around her ears.
01:25:28What happened to Christy?
01:25:30Packing her mucklucks as we speak, they're sending her to Godthab.
01:25:34Godthab?
01:25:34Where's that?
01:25:35Greenland.
01:25:36What's the plan now, Jerry?
01:25:37You're going to go up to Greenland and bust into Godthab dressed as an Eskimo?
01:25:41That's Greenland, Zoomer.
01:25:43Not Alaska.
01:25:44Actually, guys, this time I thought I'd dress up as a gynecologist.
01:25:48You mean a poon doctor?
01:25:49Sparks from a flame, burning in my mind.
01:26:07Sparks from a flame, driving me insane.
01:26:11Sparks from a flame, tearing us apart.
01:26:16There's smoke on the ground.
01:26:21There's a gun in my hand.
01:26:27There's smoke on the ground.
01:26:30I don't understand.
01:26:32I don't understand.
01:26:32It's just me that's going down.
01:26:37Like a spirit in the night.
01:26:40You lost long ago.
01:26:43I've been waiting so long.
01:26:47There's a fire in my mind.
01:26:51This nightmare deja vu is going to ruin my life.
01:27:03Sparks on a wheel.
01:27:08The key's spinning round.
01:27:14Sparks on a wheel.
01:27:16The key's spinning round.
01:27:18Never touch the ground.
01:27:23Like a spirit in the night.
01:27:26You lost long ago.
01:27:29I've been waiting so long.
01:27:33There's a fire in my mind.
01:27:40This nightmare deja vu is going to ruin my life.
01:27:48This nightmare deja vu is going to ruin my life.
01:28:04This nightmare deja vu is going to ruin my life.
01:28:09Like a spirit in the night
01:28:11You lost long ago
01:28:14I've been waiting so long
01:28:18There's a fire in my mind
01:28:22This nightmare déjà vu is gonna ruin my life
01:28:31Sparks from a flame
01:28:37Burning in my mind
01:28:42Sparks from a flame
01:28:47Driving me insane
01:28:49Tearing us apart
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