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Full Episode of She's The (Undercover) Boss
Transcript
00:00Ms. Pearson, it's a pleasure.
00:05You know, GQ has been wanting to profile your company for quite some time now.
00:08The pleasure is all mine, I assure you that.
00:11You know, I have to commend you.
00:13I mean, Dyad's assistant matchmaking record is near perfect.
00:18I mean, save for one pesky CEO.
00:21Financial phenom Jet Abrams gave an interview recently expressing his dissatisfaction.
00:30Dyad's algorithm is a bunch of pseudoscience bullshits.
00:33Every assistant they've sent me has been completely incompetent and a total waste of time.
00:39I saw.
00:41Now, are you at all concerned that this kind of publicity will affect your business?
00:48Not at all.
00:50While Mr. Abrams has proven to be a particularly exacting client, I have no doubt we'll be able to imagine.
01:00In fact, I do have a new angle for your profile, Ms. Carter.
01:12I will personally be going undercover as his assistant to find out exactly what it is the biggest asshole in America needs in a right hand.
01:22Jed Abrams will meet his match.
01:27Can you quote me on that?
01:31You told GQ what?
01:34Oh, come on.
01:35Imagine the headline.
01:38Corporate Cupid tames titans, matching the unmatchable.
01:41More like delusional CEO, Tank's own company, playing pretend.
01:47You seriously want to attempt some secret spy mission and pretend to be his assistant to gather intel, all while trying to run your own company?
01:56I mean, as your assistant, and more importantly as your friend, I'm telling you, don't do this.
02:01I know he's an asshole, and I know you want revenge, but...
02:05That's not what this is about.
02:07This is about keeping Dyad's records unimpeachable.
02:10I mean, if Jed Abrams looks like an asshole in the process, that's just cherry on top.
02:16Dyad's algorithm is a bunch of pseudoscience bullshit.
02:19Ooh, honey.
02:20I don't think anything can make that man look bad.
02:24Look, I know you've been married to the job ever since Grey the Goblin, but even a workaholic like you has to appreciate a man like that.
02:34Not my type.
02:35Besides, you know I don't date my clients.
02:37Yeah, but what about your boss?
02:43You little bitch.
02:50Mr. Abrams?
03:00Good morning.
03:01I have your coffee.
03:04Must be my new assistant.
03:09Uh, yeah.
03:11Uh, Aria Riley.
03:13Pleasure to...
03:20Meet you.
03:22You know, when I said I'd give Dyad one last chance, I expected something a little more, uh...
03:28Impressive.
03:31Supposed to get extra points for tonight's packaging, huh?
03:34Mr. Riley, I need someone I could trust.
03:37Someone I could count on.
03:40Someone who's not gonna bail when I demand perfection.
03:45Someone who's not gonna fuck up my coffee order.
03:48So, you mind someone?
03:50Yes, I am.
03:54Good.
03:56Now clean this shit up.
03:57Go change.
03:58And, uh, a lot of those reports on my desk.
04:00Oh!
04:02This is strike one.
04:03Understand?
04:05Good.
04:11God.
04:12Fucking prick.
04:22Oh!
04:25Okay.
04:27It's just a few weeks.
04:29Gather intel.
04:31Make a match.
04:33Free press and GQ.
04:36Everybody wins.
04:37I could do this.
04:40I could do this.
04:42Oh my God!
04:45What the hell are you doing in here?
04:46I don't want everyone to see me.
04:48You always have extra shirts in your office?
05:05Sometimes things get a bit messy.
05:06I don't want everyone to see me.
05:06I don't want everyone to see me.
05:08Go on.
05:09Sorry.
05:10Go on.
05:11Go on.
05:14Go.
05:18Go on.
05:19Strike two, Mr. Riley.
05:33You might set a new record.
05:35Fired by lunch.
05:44So much for another preface.
05:49I'm surprised anyone's lasted this long.
05:52You flirt with all your assistants.
05:58Mr. Abrams, I'm sorry, I didn't...
06:01Stop.
06:05Every submission that Diya just sent to me was sketched out this.
06:12Not you, though.
06:17Clear your schedule.
06:18You're working the party tonight.
06:20Lots of important potential clients, so do your homework.
06:25And no more stains, all right?
06:30I'll see you later.
06:31So, he clearly needs someone that can go toe-to-toe with him.
06:43Someone who will not put up with this bullshit.
06:45I mean, this guy has major control and trust issues.
06:49You should have heard him.
06:50He was like, someone who's not going to bail.
06:54Someone he can rely on.
06:55Unlike you.
06:59Excuse me?
07:01You don't think he's going to be pissed when he finds out you're lying?
07:05That you betrayed him?
07:08Well, I...
07:09By the time he finds out, he'll already be matched.
07:15All's fair in business.
07:16That's...
07:16That's not how that saying goes.
07:18That's...
07:19That's not how that saying goes.
07:25This.
07:28And...
07:28This.
07:32Glenn, I'm trying to get into his business, not his pants.
07:36Aurea, he said to himself, he's not impressed.
07:42Yet.
07:42Yet.
08:06You're late.
08:19Fashionably.
08:22Come on.
08:23Let's make some rounds.
08:24Okay.
08:25Oh, first.
08:26Remind me.
08:28Who is he?
08:30Uh...
08:31Some...
08:32old white guy with a bad tux?
08:35You're not very good at this, are you?
08:39I thought I told you to do your homework.
08:41Oh!
08:42Don't blame me for your bad memory.
08:44It's not leadership.
08:48Fair enough.
08:49Hmm.
08:51Ah, fuck.
08:52What?
08:54Jet.
08:56Are you avoiding your fiancé?
08:59I believe you're my ex-fiancé.
09:01No.
09:01For now.
09:03Not the first time we've called it off.
09:05Oh, but it is the last.
09:07Think I learned my lesson when you skipped our engagement party?
09:09With my best man?
09:12Ah.
09:13Hmm.
09:14That was a momentary lapse in judgment.
09:17That's all.
09:18Right.
09:21Lena Taft.
09:22This would be Abrams.
09:24And you are cosplaying as a Las Vegas showgirl.
09:34Aria Riley.
09:35Mr. Abrams' assistant.
09:38Speaking of, Keir Hamlin is at the bar.
09:40You should go talk to him before his third dirty martini.
09:43Hmm.
09:44Yeah.
09:45If you'll excuse him.
09:46Hmm.
09:47How's that for a reminder?
09:49Give it up, honey.
09:54He'll never be interested in the likes of you.
09:57You're the help, for God's sake.
10:00He'll never fit into his world.
10:01Great.
10:10What the hell are you doing here?
10:12Uh, Abrams donates to the Philharmonic, so we're playing as a favor.
10:16You?
10:16Are you here with Diane or looking for clients?
10:20Sort of.
10:21Jesus, Ari, talk about the silent treatment.
10:26I've been trying to get in touch with you for weeks.
10:29Why haven't you answered my calls?
10:31Maybe because you literally stole from me.
10:34You wrote yourself a check for my checkbook.
10:36I told you I would pay you back.
10:38It was 10K.
10:40It's not exactly an IOU situation.
10:43Always playing the victim.
10:46We're gonna get you a therapist for that.
10:48After we get you therapy for your gambling addiction?
10:51How about that?
10:52That is all behind me now.
10:55Hey, come on.
10:56Come on, baby.
10:58I've missed you.
11:00I know you miss me.
11:03Gray, it's over.
11:05I told you.
11:07Don't want to give up on us.
11:11Is this man bothering you, Ariya?
11:16Is he one of your clients?
11:18No.
11:19I'm actually a hair...
11:19Boyfriend.
11:21Chad, sweetheart, this is my ex.
11:26Gray.
11:28Right.
11:29I suppose I should thank you.
11:33For fucking up.
11:35If it wasn't for that,
11:37you'll never find the woman of my dreams.
11:38I don't believe it.
11:45This guy is in your tongue.
11:47Since when do you go for Suzy?
11:49You always said you don't shit where you eat.
11:53I...
11:53I...
11:54I...
11:55Okay.
11:56You hate PDA?
12:09Nah.
12:09Maybe with you, buddy.
12:11Good luck with this one.
12:13Okay.
12:16You hated PDA.
12:18Nah.
12:19Maybe with you, buddy.
12:21Good luck with this one.
12:25Work always comes first with Arya.
12:28You'll see.
12:35I'm so sorry.
12:37That will never happen again.
12:39No, no.
12:39You're good.
12:41You helped me with my ex.
12:43I guess we're even now.
12:47How about a drink?
12:49Yeah.
12:50Let's go.
13:01I've tried many times, but it's just not.
13:08Want to go sit down?
13:09Yeah.
13:10Let's go.
13:10Oh, I am such a klutz.
13:18Probably did you a favor, though.
13:20Cheap thing like that belongs in the trash.
13:21I'd be careful what you call cheap with a nose like that.
13:24Excuse me?
13:25What the hell is your problem, Lena?
13:29Go.
13:31Go.
13:31Come on.
13:40Okay, sit down.
13:44Can I see?
13:54Jess is ripped.
13:54Come on.
13:55Come on.
14:11Does that hurt?
14:14It's just cold.
14:15I don't know.
14:45I should probably get you home.
14:47Yeah.
14:49Here, you take my car.
14:52Okay.
14:57I'm going to need you at the office early in the morning.
14:59We've got to set up for the meeting with Hamelin.
15:01I'm going to need a briefing doc of all the strategic angles.
15:06Can you handle that?
15:08That's a lot to ask of a cripple.
15:11Well, I have all the faith in the world.
15:15I'll see you in the morning, yeah?
15:21Okay.
15:22Get home safe.
15:24Thanks.
15:25Double shot, dry, almond milk, and a sprinkle of cinnamon.
15:54In the cup this time.
15:57Hey, I wanted to tell you about what happened between us last night.
16:04That can't happen again.
16:06I mean, I can't.
16:10I crossed the line when I kissed you, and I'm your boss.
16:14No, no.
16:16I know it didn't mean anything.
16:18Oh.
16:20It's my fault.
16:22When I saw my ex, it just kind of rattled me.
16:26Right.
16:26Yeah.
16:26I crossed the line when I put you in that position, so.
16:32Okay.
16:32I'm sorry.
16:36I think moving forward, we should just maintain some professional boundaries.
16:46I didn't say that it didn't mean anything.
16:52I don't mean to interrupt any business matters.
17:07Absolutely not.
17:08Cheer hand, man.
17:10Ready to finalize this deal?
17:12Only if you want to be a lot richer than you already are.
17:14Absolutely.
17:15Come on in.
17:15Have a seat.
17:21You look familiar to me.
17:23Do I know you from somewhere?
17:25Uh, I don't think so.
17:27Unless you saw my tumble at the party last night.
17:31No, that's not it.
17:33Ah, I just got it.
17:36You look exactly like this CEO.
17:41Oh.
17:41A knockout if I've ever seen one.
17:47What did her company do?
17:49It was something with corporate matchmaking.
17:54Uh, diet?
17:55Right.
17:57That's where Arya came from.
18:00What a funny coincidence.
18:03I haven't had the pleasure of meeting our CEO.
18:06Uncanny.
18:07Well, gentlemen, should we get down to business and hammer out some deal points?
18:14Absolutely.
18:15Okay.
18:16Coffee, Mr. Hanlon?
18:17Mmm.
18:18Sweet and milky.
18:22Darling.
18:30I thought you were fed up with Dyad.
18:33Yeah.
18:35I've given him one last chance.
18:37Oh, you sly dog.
18:40I guess you were just holding out for the goods, huh?
18:44What do you say?
18:45We share the wealth?
18:47We could make her one of the deal points.
18:50She's mine.
18:52My assistant.
18:54Leave her alone.
18:56Hmm.
19:01Thank you, sweetheart.
19:03Hmm.
19:03The fuck was that?
19:09Get out.
19:11Excuse me?
19:12You heard me.
19:13I fucking warned you.
19:15Now get out.
19:17You're going to tank this deal and lose millions?
19:21For her?
19:22Good assistant's worth her weight in gold.
19:25We're through here.
19:26You really didn't have to do that.
19:40I've dealt with creeps way worse than that guy.
19:44Yeah.
19:44I know.
19:45I met your ex-boyfriend, remember?
19:46I shouldn't have to deal with guys like that, though.
19:51Especially with me around.
19:52Hmm.
19:55So, I'm a good assistant, huh?
19:58Not some pseudoscience bullshit?
20:00So, like, I admit I was a bit harsh in my interview.
20:04A bit?
20:04And I can be difficult to work with at times.
20:08Mm-hmm.
20:09But I've learned from experience.
20:13People are generally disappointing.
20:18They leave when the going gets tough.
20:21Just weeding those people out early.
20:24Don't want to waste my time.
20:25But you, miss, I'm most definitely not a waste of my time.
20:34I guess I'm in my match.
20:37Mm-hmm.
20:43Um, well, do you need anything else from me?
20:48Besides losing you a million dollars?
20:53No.
20:54No.
20:55Okay.
20:59Okay.
21:04Um.
21:08Get back to work?
21:09Yeah.
21:09Yeah.
21:10Okay.
21:10Okay.
21:21Fuck me.
21:22That doesn't sound like appropriate office talk.
21:34Nothing screams classy like dropping the F-bomb.
21:37Oh, like fucking your fiancée's best friend.
21:42I didn't see you on the schedule today.
21:45Don't you know you have to go through me to get to him?
21:47He didn't tell you.
21:52Allister Holdings is investing in my makeup company.
21:56Now be a dear and fetch me a latte while the adults talk business.
22:00What do you want, Lena?
22:14I just came by to discuss our little business venture.
22:28There's no hour or anything.
22:31We've been broken up for months.
22:33Well, like it or not, we have a contract, remember?
22:38Until you break it, remember?
22:40Remember?
22:40Remember?
22:42Baby.
22:44Baby.
22:46What has got you so stressed?
22:51Huh?
22:51Maybe I can help you relax.
23:03Excuse me.
23:05Uh, no, no, no.
23:07Stay.
23:10If you'd like to make an appointment, make it with Aria.
23:12Just like everyone else.
23:14I'm busy here, Lena.
23:15Of course.
23:16Reserve the jet tomorrow.
23:19Mr. Abrams and I will be flying into New York.
23:21Excuse me.
23:22I have to work, Lena.
23:23This is work.
23:26I want to open an office in New York.
23:28And you want to do your due diligence, don't you?
23:32Make sure there's a couple bottles of Dom stocked.
23:36I want to celebrate our merger.
23:37I want to celebrate our merger.
23:38Merger, huh?
23:58Jealous?
24:00No.
24:02I'm not.
24:04No.
24:05Don't worry about Lena.
24:06Forget her.
24:09I do need you to do something for me, though.
24:12Mm-hmm.
24:21The contractors are coming for the kitchen remodel on Friday.
24:24Mm-hmm.
24:25I need you to go let them in.
24:27You could go over there after I leave.
24:30Maybe stay the night if you want.
24:32And that's not crossing a professional boundary?
24:37Sleeping in your bed?
24:38I do have plenty of guest rooms, Miss Riley.
24:42But if you wanted to...
24:43No!
24:44I don't.
24:45I wasn't.
24:46Um...
24:47Yeah, that would be fine.
24:50Mm-hmm.
24:51Thank you, Mr. Abrams.
25:08So, let's hear it.
25:10What's it like working for the biggest asshole in America?
25:13You know, he's, um...
25:20He's not that bad.
25:25Miss Pearson, not that bad does not make for a great article.
25:30Not that bad means it's your company's fault, not his.
25:36And I'm sure that's not the angle you're looking for, right?
25:39Of course not.
25:44You know Dyad is everything to me.
25:47Okay, I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this.
25:51I know.
25:52I've done my research.
25:55Which is why I'm surprised you're not taking the chance to defend it.
26:00I would give anything for this company.
26:02Well then, if I were you, I'd dig up some dirt on that man that's been slandering you in the press.
26:27Okay, damn.
26:29Major CEO, girls.
26:32Hey, boss.
26:36I've got a couple reports you need to sign.
26:38Should I bring them by tall, dark, and scary's office?
26:42Actually, I'm at his house right now.
26:45Beverly Hills.
26:46I'll send you the address.
26:56Oh, my God.
26:59It's like I stepped into 50 shades of gray.
27:01Oh, is there a pleasure room?
27:05Don't touch anything.
27:08This man is a total control freak.
27:11If anything is out of place, he'll...
27:14Glenn!
27:15It's for you.
27:17And me.
27:21You deserve a break.
27:25And besides, he's a freaking billionaire.
27:27Is he really going to miss this $2,000 bottle of champagne?
27:31My God.
27:32Holy shit.
27:36Wow.
27:37You're popular.
27:38It's gray.
27:40He's been harassing me ever since I told him that Jep was my boyfriend.
27:44You what?
27:45It was nothing.
27:46I ran into him at this party, and he wouldn't stop bothering me.
27:50So, Jep played along.
27:54He actually really saved my ass.
27:58And he kissed me.
28:01What?
28:02Yeah.
28:02Okay.
28:04Well, it sounds like we have a lot of ground to cover.
28:09How about we do it out by that gorgeous pool?
28:12I brought bathing suits.
28:14How did you know that he...
28:15Duh.
28:16All billionaires have pools.
28:18Now, come on.
28:19It's not like he's going to come home anytime soon.
28:21And then I was thinking drinks at this bar that my friend just opened.
28:29It's super chic and, like, impossible to get into.
28:34And then...
28:35I was thinking tomorrow we'd skip out to the Hamptons.
28:40Daddy's in Shanghai, so we'd have the whole place to ourselves.
28:43Lena, I told you, this is strictly a business trip.
28:49About that.
28:51There is no office, is there?
29:00I just wanted us to get away like we used to.
29:03Without your obnoxious assistant poking around.
29:09Baby.
29:11You know this isn't over between us.
29:16I can't do this with you.
29:20I'm going home.
29:21But, like, was there tongue?
29:37Shut up.
29:39Bitch, I knew it.
29:41I knew you wanted to jump his bones.
29:43Okay, first of all, don't call your boss a bitch.
29:48Second of all, who says I want to jump his bones?
29:54Okay, fine.
29:55Fine.
29:57He's a total package.
29:58I mean, he's hot.
30:00He's rich.
30:01He's smart.
30:03Sounds like someone else I know.
30:04Well, maybe slightly less rich.
30:08Okay, but still, you two are like a match made in heaven.
30:11Yeah, right.
30:13I mean, and what happens when he finds out I've been lying to him this whole time?
30:18And besides, he's probably not even into me.
30:20He's in New York right now with his ex-fiancé.
30:24I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?
30:25Arya?
30:26I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?
30:29Janet!
30:30Uh, what are you...
30:34Um...
30:34Who is this?
30:37Oh, uh, Jew, look at the time.
30:39I have to go feed my fish.
30:41Cat.
30:42My cat?
30:44My fish and my cat.
30:45Yeah, you should probably do that.
30:52I'm sorry, I didn't...
30:54Just have a half-naked man in my fucking house?
30:57I'm not gonna ask you again.
30:59Who is that?
31:02Wait.
31:05Are you...
31:07Jealous?
31:08Of Glenn?
31:13But this is funny to you?
31:15Um...
31:16No, I, um...
31:19He's my...
31:20Friend.
31:22Mm-hmm.
31:24And trust me, he's...
31:25Way more interested in you than he is me.
31:39Do you like this?
31:41Like, toying with me?
31:43Making me crazy?
31:45Running around my house...
31:50In this little bikini?
31:56What do you care?
31:58Where's Lena?
32:00Think I give a shit about Lena?
32:03Think that I don't care?
32:06You don't think I'm going crazy seeing you every single day?
32:09Maintaining these professional boundaries?
32:18Ever since we kissed...
32:21I can't stop thinking about that night.
32:26These lips...
32:28You're my boss.
32:30You're my assistant.
32:33So assist me, Arya.
32:36Put me out of my misery.
32:37Okay.
32:45Do you know what I'm joking you video abouty?
32:47What do I do?
32:48Who knew?
32:49Give me to the daughter's dead.
32:52Fuck, you're so hot.
33:07Sorry.
33:09Fuck.
33:11I mean, you're burning up.
33:12Oh.
33:14Let's get you inside.
33:15Okay.
33:22You know, I've been dreaming of this.
33:37Yeah?
33:38Yeah.
33:47Okay.
33:52I dig up some dirt on that man that's been slandering you in the prince.
34:03Jed, I need to tell you something.
34:07No, tell me later.
34:22Hungry?
34:47Wow.
34:51This place looks like a five-star hotel.
34:53I didn't know it had all the amenities, too.
34:55Mm-hmm.
34:56Mm.
34:57This looks delicious.
35:00Yeah, I'd say so.
35:05This looks good on you.
35:06Yeah?
35:07Yeah.
35:08But I also think that it'd look better off of you.
35:10Yeah.
35:17Kitchen contractors.
35:22Mm-hmm.
35:22I'll take care of it, boss.
35:24I did it.
35:33Gray!
35:34What the fuck were you doing here?
35:36Did you follow me?
35:38You still weren't answering me.
35:40I needed to talk to you.
35:42You weren't at Dyad.
35:43You weren't at your apartment.
35:45So I thought I'd try your boyfriend's office.
35:47Or should I say your bosses?
35:51Now, you can imagine my surprise when the receptionist corrected me.
35:56Now, I knew you didn't give a shit about this guy.
35:58Like I said, it's all about work for you.
36:02Question is, how's he gonna feel when he finds out about your double life?
36:09What do you want?
36:12Now you're asking the right questions.
36:1310,000 dollars.
36:18What?
36:18You heard me.
36:19Get me the money, or else this fucking guy finds out exactly who you really are.
36:24Huh?
36:25Blackmail, Gray.
36:26Really?
36:27That's fucking desperate.
36:28Even for you.
36:29What, are you gambling again?
36:31I'm not bailing you out this time.
36:34You have 24 hours.
36:35Everything good?
36:53Yeah.
36:54Just contractor stuff.
36:56Hmm.
36:57Big promises and bigger delays.
37:00Yeah.
37:00I should, uh, I should go get ready for work.
37:06Wait, wait, wait.
37:07I'm sure that the boss would understand.
37:10Wait.
37:10No!
37:13No, okay, wait, hold on.
37:15Wow, that's fine.
37:18We can't do this.
37:20Aria, we already have.
37:22I don't date my client, my bosses.
37:29Well, I don't sleep with my assistants, but, um, here we are.
37:35Look, truthfully, I haven't felt this way, like, maybe ever.
37:46Tell me I'm not gone anymore.
37:47You're not.
37:58So, what, are you gonna fire me now?
38:01What?
38:02No.
38:03The best assistant I ever had.
38:05I don't know what I'd do without you.
38:09But, maybe, we could have it both ways.
38:14You know?
38:15Professional in the office.
38:16Unless I'm professional out.
38:20Please.
38:22I really don't want to lose you.
38:27What do you say?
38:36Okay.
38:36All right.
38:55I have your money.
38:56Just tell me where to send it.
38:58Aria, I'm so sorry, but...
39:01While you were taking your sweet-ass time, I found a better deal.
39:05A better deal?
39:07What the fuck?
39:07You told me I had 24 hours.
39:10Oh.
39:10You'll see soon enough.
39:18Amazing.
39:19Jack.
39:21All right.
39:24Apparently, the Philharmonic wants to thank me for my donations at a private event tonight.
39:29Well, private plus the press.
39:32You know.
39:32Well, it'll be fun.
39:36Plus, you can't go anywhere without my assistant, can I?
39:40Uh...
39:40Jack, I...
39:41I started to eat.
39:43Where's that little gold dress?
39:49Remember, the biggest...
39:50You just never do what you're told, do you?
40:03I love the red, though.
40:08Hey.
40:10What are you some errors?
40:15Jet, I...
40:15I need to tell you something.
40:18Ooh, what could that be?
40:21Lena?
40:22What are you doing here?
40:23You didn't think that I'd miss your big night, did you?
40:27Get me a Chardonnay.
40:29Will you?
40:30Okay.
40:32Chardonnay?
40:33Oh, um...
40:35Gray and I have a little surprise planned for you tonight.
40:45Ladies and gentlemen,
40:46a brief moment, please.
40:50This evening,
40:52as well as this plaque,
40:54are just a couple tokens of gratitude
40:56for one of our most generous donors,
41:00Jet Abrams.
41:04Of course,
41:06no CEO would be anywhere
41:08without their loyal assistant.
41:10A round of applause from Ms. Aria...
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