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Celebrity Come Dine With Me Season 2025 Episode 7
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FunTranscript
00:00On today's show...
00:02Oh, Min, cheers for doing that, mate.
00:04Clown Cuisine.
00:06Do you know when you need your mum?
00:08This is one of them moments.
00:10It tastes like a very famous burger from a fast food restaurant.
00:14Oh, my God.
00:17I know, I tasted it somewhere before.
00:20Beer Ross Advanced.
00:22Treasonous Trumpet.
00:24I've come out as Princess Diana and them fart into a plane.
00:27It would have just made the night a lot better.
00:30And righteous indignation.
00:32My circus name would have been...
00:34C or T.
00:35What does that mean?
00:36Centre of Attention.
00:37Attention doesn't start with T, does it?
00:41As five max marbles duel for the dosh.
00:45I've got a chance in hell, yeah.
00:53It's day two in Bristol with our Married at First Sight
00:56stars where, in 2015, a couple tied the knot,
00:59balanced on a tightrope above local beauty spot Wookie Hole.
01:04Makes marrying a stranger a doddle.
01:07Hoping tonight will go without a hitch is dinner party debutante
01:11Kieran Chapman.
01:12I've never hosted a dinner party.
01:14I've never even attended a dinner party.
01:16Might bluff me way into this.
01:18Might bluff a win.
01:19My whole life's been a bluff so far.
01:21Let's bluff this.
01:22Like your style fella.
01:24Well, you're going to have to call the bluff of last night's host Emma Barnes.
01:28Look at that.
01:29Quite pleased with that.
01:30I think I did well.
01:32Hopefully I'd have got a couple of eights.
01:35Looking at the contestants, I feel like I did enough to win.
01:39I've got to see what they can pull out the bag, though,
01:41because there's a few dark horses.
01:43Surprised by an unexpected diner last night was none other than our host's ex-wife from
01:48the show, Christina Goodsell.
01:50Hello, Christina.
01:51Are you all right?
01:52You okay?
01:53Yeah, you?
01:54Yes, I'm lush.
01:55It was a huge shock to see Kieran.
01:57I'm not going to lie.
01:58But it's what it is.
02:00She wasn't the only one shot by Kieran's arrival.
02:03I just shot like I could not have been in the same room as my ex.
02:08My jaw hit the floor.
02:09I was like, ah, ah.
02:10She is!
02:12And while Ella Morgan scrapes her jaw off the floor, Paul Lieber is more focused on
02:18what to expect tonight.
02:19I'm not going to lie, the standards might be quite low.
02:22I've never heard of him being a great cook.
02:25He admitted that him and Chris used to just get takeaway all the time.
02:28So, unless he's getting takeaway, I don't know what else I'm going to expect from the food.
02:31Nothing good from the sounds of it.
02:33I hope tonight someone's watching over us and gives us what I need,
02:37because I've got a chance in hell, yeah.
02:40That's the spirit.
02:42Think clown, think circus.
02:45Right.
02:47OK.
02:49Ever since I was a kid, I used to go to the circus and used to be like,
02:52I really want to be a clown.
02:53The opportunity came up through the circus school that I used to train at
02:56as a circus looking for a clown.
02:57So, I got in touch with him, ended up getting the job.
02:59I can definitely see why he chose, like, clowns,
03:04because, obviously, he is a clown, let's be honest.
03:08Oof! Shots fired!
03:10Tonight I'm having a big clown party.
03:12Everyone's going to be coming dressed up, whether it be clown, circus,
03:16jester, whatever you want.
03:18Full of colour, full of laughter and full of happiness.
03:22Think clown, think circus.
03:25That is the story of my life. I've got this in the bag.
03:28It's not your night, Paul.
03:30And kicking off the carnival of delights is the main crumpets kebab.
03:37I really hope it's not an actual crumpet, but why would it be?
03:40You wouldn't have got a crumpet with a kebab.
03:42Not with crumpets. That's the clown name that I used to be.
03:45Kebab's no name for a clown, Kieran.
03:47I do love a kebab.
03:49After a night owl, a nice, big, greasy, juicy kebab.
03:55I've never made a kebab before. This is the first time.
03:58Oh.
03:59This screams, Kieran, there's no way he's cooking that.
04:02This is going to be takeaway.
04:04Unlucky, Paul.
04:05Anything fast food, I absolutely love.
04:07A bit of salad, hopefully some chips in the kebab like a giros has.
04:11Yeah, that's good.
04:13He begins by chopping cucumber and tomato.
04:18This is the first time seeing a red cabbage in real life.
04:21Oh, there's a first time for everything.
04:23That looks like a brain.
04:26It feels like leather.
04:28It's a leather brain. No, it's a cabbage.
04:32For the kebab, in go garlic powder and cumin.
04:36I don't know if this is oregano or orejano.
04:39Don't know how to pronounce it.
04:41Oregano.
04:42Or a something.
04:43Or a story, perhaps.
04:44To that he adds onion granules, paprika, chilli flakes.
04:49Putting in a bit of salt.
04:51And minced lamb.
04:53I have washed me hands.
04:55I should hope so.
04:58Oh, just smells like a takeaway, that, you know.
05:02My favourite thing to do, beat the meat.
05:04Well, when a marriage collapses,
05:06he'll cook the meat when his guests arrive.
05:09Roll this up.
05:13Onto the dessert.
05:14It's a silly man's swirl.
05:17Silly man's swirl.
05:19It's like the Da Vinci Code.
05:22It could be anything.
05:23Silly man, yeah, he's the silly man.
05:25So he must be swirling.
05:26I'd like to see that, actually.
05:29Is Kirin just serving himself?
05:31Silly man's swirl?
05:32I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest.
05:33Silly man.
05:34Silly...
05:35Cinnamon swirl.
05:36Spot on!
05:37And out of a can.
05:39Classy.
05:40So, that's me dessert.
05:42Freshly prepared.
05:43Out of a box.
05:44Sounds straightforward.
05:46I think anything out of a can.
05:48You can't beat it.
05:49Can he like?
05:50Place the slices on a tray lined with non-stick baking paper.
05:54I haven't got any.
05:55Uh-oh!
05:56Tin foil should be okay, surely.
05:59Who's Shirley?
06:00Oh, I see.
06:01It sticks to me tongue, but me tongue's not going to be in the fryer.
06:06So it'll be fine.
06:07Well, that's just as well.
06:08The swirls will be baked when his guests arrive.
06:11On to the starter.
06:13Big Top Pate!
06:15That shocked me.
06:17I can't even imagine Kirin knows what pate is.
06:20He surely isn't going to make that pate himself, like, from scratch.
06:23Can you even make pate?
06:25Is that something you can make?
06:27That's wild.
06:30I know! Crazy!
06:32Big Top Pate.
06:34Big Top Pate.
06:36I don't know what to expect.
06:39I think he's a dark horse.
06:41I bet you he can kirk.
06:43Pate? Pate?
06:44Am I saying it all right?
06:45This is too fancy for Kirin.
06:47What I'm about to do for my starter is going to blow people's minds.
06:51No-one's ever done this before.
06:53But the thing is, they've actually had it before.
06:55Intriguing!
06:56Oh, Min, cheers for doing that, mate, appreciate it.
07:00Cheers, pal.
07:01Burgers.
07:02I thought you were doing pate.
07:04Genius.
07:05Get the pate straight in.
07:09He's not.
07:10Take all the good stuff off the bun.
07:15Oh, he rotty well is too.
07:18This is going to be unreal.
07:21That's one word for it.
07:22Unreal.
07:27Turn it on first.
07:28Burger blitzed.
07:29In goes mayo.
07:33Looks like pate to me.
07:38The Big Top Pate is finished.
07:40Get that ready for later.
07:42Chop, chop.
07:43Your guests are nearly here.
07:45Time to get this show on the road.
07:48First to arrive at Kieran's Big Top Pate is full.
07:59Oi, oi!
08:00Bravo!
08:01I've made you a drink.
08:05My nose!
08:07You're going to have to suck it.
08:09Stop my nose, I can't wait.
08:10I'll get the rest of it out.
08:12Oh, this is so romantic.
08:14I was not expecting to enter this dinner party and have my nose sucked.
08:17I think it's one of those things.
08:18I might not tell my girlfriend this.
08:20Well, it's a bit late now.
08:21Are you single?
08:22Huh?
08:23Steady.
08:24Oh!
08:26Next in is Emma.
08:30Fonzie!
08:33Oh my God, the shoes!
08:34I am going to stay single if I stay looking like this.
08:38Have a taste of them, they're really nice.
08:40Ah!
08:41Always lean for a pot of crisps if available.
08:44It's my own calling, really.
08:45It's my own fault.
08:47Third to arrive is Christina.
08:52I'm a trapeze artist.
08:54Oh, right.
08:55OK.
08:56Brilliant.
08:59Not going to lie, when I walked in, I felt a little bit underdressed.
09:03You look amazing!
09:05I did text you to say, I don't look good.
09:08I have never in my life seen Emma Barnes dressed as a clown.
09:13That girl pulled it off.
09:15You look like Zendaya.
09:17That's the vibe.
09:18The bald bit of your cat.
09:20I just can't.
09:21You've got extra forehead.
09:22Oh, we're sort of marching, actually.
09:24Oh!
09:27And the last clown to carnival is Emma.
09:30Oh!
09:31Oh!
09:32Oh!
09:33Oh!
09:34Oh!
09:35Oh!
09:36Oh!
09:37Oh!
09:38Zendaya!
09:40Oh, my God!
09:41I thought I was going to be the best dressed, but I saw Emma and it was giving Tracey Beaker slash
09:47crusted clown.
09:48I still wanted to be a little bit sexy and glamorous.
09:51Is that what you're saying now?
09:52Um, I mean, yeah, I would.
09:54I would.
09:55No, I'm joking.
09:56I'm joking.
09:57Well, I just want to all have a good night.
09:58Let's just have a giggle.
09:59Cheers!
10:00Cheers!
10:01Cheers!
10:02Coming up.
10:03Born at both feet.
10:05A farty party.
10:10When was the last time you ate a cinnamon swill of chopsticks?
10:13Never.
10:14And an argy-bargy.
10:15Well, you certainly haven't won it.
10:17I'm still in it, right?
10:19I don't even think stray dogs and cats would eat that food.
10:23It's the second night of our Married at First Sight special.
10:35Let's just have a giggle.
10:36Cheers!
10:37Yay!
10:38And host Kieran is hoping his clown-themed night will have him laughing all the way to
10:44the gram.
10:45I've never done any of this before, to be honest.
10:48So that's the only worry is, will it work?
10:51No biggie.
10:52First up is the big top pate.
10:55He gets going with his toasted buns.
10:57Oh, that's cremated.
10:59Off to a great start, then.
11:01Do you know when you need your mum?
11:03This is one of them moments.
11:05You can do it, Kieran.
11:08You're a big boy now.
11:10How fast is that?
11:12Depends which circles you move in, I guess.
11:15Would you eat that if I served it in a restaurant?
11:18No.
11:19I wouldn't.
11:21With blitzed burger spread, it's done.
11:25See how it is.
11:26Big flop pate.
11:28Otherwise known as big top pate.
11:31There you go, Emma, there's yours.
11:33Oh, lovely.
11:34Justina.
11:35Thank you so much.
11:36There we go.
11:37Oh!
11:38Oh!
11:39Ah!
11:40Excuse you.
11:41That was the most dad joke I could have seen in my life.
11:44The woofy cushion was great because it was hiding when I was actually letting rim.
11:48Which no one knows about.
11:50It was silent and violent.
11:51Thanks for sharing.
11:52If you like pate here, you should love this.
11:54Yeah, I love pate.
11:55So, did you make this yourself?
11:56Yeah, I've made it all myself.
11:57Like the pate.
11:58The pate.
11:59You made the pate, isn't it?
12:00I made the pate myself.
12:01Today.
12:02Just someone else made it into a burger first and then I've deconstructed it.
12:08I'm like, oh, you know.
12:09It's got a mustardy taste.
12:10Yeah, there's a little bit of mustardy.
12:11Yeah.
12:12I don't even know what pate was, but I love it now.
12:13It tastes like a very famous burger from a very famous fast-food restaurant.
12:19She's on to you.
12:21I've got a confession to make.
12:23I've made it myself.
12:24Today?
12:25Just someone else made it into a burger first and then I've deconstructed it.
12:30I've deconstructed the burger and made pate.
12:33Wait, what burger? What are you on about?
12:35Oh, my God!
12:37I said it was, like, a famous... I knew it!
12:40I knew it!
12:41It did not taste like any pate I've ever had.
12:44For me to clock that, I was like,
12:47Ella, you've eaten too much fast food in your life.
12:50Did you get this as a takeaway and literally whizzed it up in the whizzer?
12:53You're a wizard, Harry. Oh!
12:55When I heard that Kieran had made his pate from a smashed-up burger,
12:59I thought, oh, we're in with a good chance!
13:02I feel so good about my night now.
13:04Yeah, yeah.
13:06Very clever, I'll give you that.
13:08It genuinely was nice because I know I'd tasted it somewhere before.
13:13I love very popular burgers,
13:15so Kieran serving it to me, it was a win for me.
13:19Enough of that junk, now for something entirely more wholesome.
13:23Do you guys want children? No.
13:25Yes.
13:26I just want to settle down now, I think,
13:28and have a baby and find a husband.
13:30Yeah.
13:31Not marry a stranger.
13:32I can't look after myself, man.
13:33I eat, like, fake burgers and everything.
13:35Oh, mate.
13:36I can't cook, but I want to be an absolute burden to my grandkids
13:39and be like, you have to look after me.
13:41Run and roll.
13:42Do you really not want kids?
13:43Nah.
13:44Honestly, I don't.
13:45I don't...
13:46We're the only ones that...
13:47Let's do it, let's have kids.
13:49I've got you waiting for that.
13:51Paul and Ella would make the best parents.
13:55They would...
13:56They would be incredible.
13:59I couldn't think of anything better than little Ellas running round,
14:03because I think I'm amazing, I'm beautiful, I'm funny, like...
14:07And modest.
14:08Maybe I'll ask Christina or Emma to be my egg donors.
14:13So many people just conform to what society makes you believe
14:16you have to do.
14:17Get a good job, get a husband or a wife, get married, have kids.
14:21None of us have conformed, we got married at first sight, guys.
14:24Yeah!
14:25Legit!
14:26I don't know where the children thing came from,
14:27I think it's just because we're all sat round in bright colour,
14:29dressed as clowns and maybe children just came to our head.
14:32Cheers, everyone!
14:34Cheers!
14:35Cheers!
14:36Last night was about a welcome and a big fun,
14:38today we get a bit deeper and I hope by the end of the week
14:40we just really, really know each other.
14:42Here's hoping!
14:43I can't believe everyone ate it.
14:45That's incredible.
14:46There's only a bit of lettuce left.
14:49Time for the main!
14:51They look a bit raw, them, like...
14:53Oh, that's perfect!
15:02Bone apple feet.
15:04The count accuses us for not making this one.
15:07Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up!
15:11Here it is, it's Krumpetsa Kebab!
15:17Woo!
15:19Paul, I know you don't like tomatoes, mate,
15:21so I've left the tomatoes off for you.
15:22You're beautiful.
15:23There you are, enjoy.
15:25It literally looks like you've scraped it off the kebab stand.
15:28Doesn't it?
15:30Not again!
15:31This is Krumpetsa Kebab.
15:34I've just never had a naan bread kebab.
15:36So, a naan bread is what you'd have with an Indian.
15:38Yes.
15:39A pita bread.
15:40A flat bread.
15:41Or a pita bread is what you have with a kebab.
15:42Yes.
15:43Well, we're in for a cheat because I don't know what it's going to be like.
15:46Just tell them it's fusion, Kieran.
15:54I have to say, I've never had a kebab before.
15:58And?
15:59I've been put off kebabs for life.
16:02Probably just as well.
16:03I genuinely don't know what to say.
16:07I like a naan.
16:08I love red cabbage.
16:09The kebab was good.
16:11Chips weren't good.
16:12Together.
16:14It was odd.
16:16Definitely a first.
16:20Maybe a last.
16:21I wouldn't have said it was disgusting, but I would say that it was something that I haven't had before.
16:32I'm actually enjoying it.
16:34You would eat anything.
16:35I would, yeah.
16:36I would, yeah.
16:37The meat was delicious on the plate, but the chips, ugh.
16:42I think the word we described it was a me-neck.
16:44Is that a me-neck?
16:45I think we get the idea.
16:47My clown name when I was in the circus was Crumpet.
16:50OK.
16:51Why were you called Crumpet?
16:53That was just me and you.
16:54Don't know why I'm questioning anything at this point, really.
16:58I knew nothing about Kieran's circus past.
17:01Did it surprise me?
17:03No.
17:04Because he is a silly sausage.
17:05If I were you, my circus name would have been Cold Soar Kieran.
17:11COLD SOAR Kieran.
17:13Why would that be?
17:14Because it was notorious that you had a cold sore.
17:17What would yours be?
17:18Oh, God.
17:20What would my clown name be?
17:22Paul.
17:23It says it all, really, doesn't it?
17:25Bless him.
17:26He is so cute.
17:27Like, his alter ego is just Paul.
17:29And what would Ella's be?
17:31C or T.
17:33Cod?
17:34C-O-T?
17:35What does that mean?
17:36Centre of Attention.
17:38Ouch!
17:39Why?
17:40Attention doesn't start with T, does it?
17:43That's a good point.
17:45C-O-T.
17:46Centre of Attention.
17:49Oh, I don't like that name.
17:51Well, it went down like a lead balloon, didn't it?
17:53Poor Ella.
17:55I'm not going to take that name off of someone that can't even spell it properly.
17:58He does have a point that I do like to do Centre of Attention, but I mean I'm fabulous.
18:02You're quite erotic though, so be erotic Barnes, eh?
18:06Oh!
18:07Yeah!
18:08Be erotic!
18:09I come out as Princess Diana and then fart into a flame.
18:13I would have paid to see Emma Barnes dressed as Diana, blowing off into fire, mate.
18:18I'm trying not to imagine it.
18:20Oh!
18:21I failed!
18:22Not for under sevens!
18:24Seven?
18:25Seven!
18:26I would never want to even think about Princess Diana blowing a fiery fart out of her arse.
18:31God rest her soul.
18:32Maybe that's what candle in the wind's about.
18:34I was all kind of disappointed she didn't actually do it live.
18:37I think it would have just made the night a lot better.
18:41All the full plates, yeah.
18:43It was not a success.
18:45I'm actually good, because I don't think I've won at this point.
18:49You never know!
18:50You could turn it round with your dessert!
18:52Can you help us, yeah?
18:53Absolutely not.
18:54All right, read the instructions.
18:56Unroll the dough and spread the cinnamon sugar.
18:59No way!
19:00Yes way!
19:03Swirls are baked and finished with icing drizzle!
19:07And a nice bit of squirty cream!
19:10Timber!
19:12This is me last shot at getting that £1,000 prize.
19:16So hopefully, with this being from a box, freshly prepared from someone else,
19:21this is the winning dish.
19:23God loves a tryer!
19:26Here it is!
19:27Silly Man Swirl!
19:30Ooh!
19:31There you are, Emma!
19:32Why the chopsticks?
19:33When was the last time you ate a cinnamon swirl with chopsticks?
19:36Never!
19:38Revolutionary!
19:40The chopsticks.
19:41Why the chopsticks?
19:43I don't know why he served the Silly Man Swirl with chopsticks.
19:47Oh, all right, Emma.
19:52This is delicious.
19:53It's eggless.
19:54I could eat it.
19:55Look at me.
19:56Look.
19:57Chopsticks.
19:58Swirls.
19:59Mmm.
20:00Did you make this cinnamon swirl yourself?
20:02I took the cinnamon swirl out of the box and done what the kit said.
20:07Good for you.
20:08At least you're honest.
20:09Tastes good.
20:10It's decent.
20:11A cinnamon swirl's a breakfast, it's not a pudding.
20:14But look, I'm not opposed to a bit of pastry pudding.
20:18Do you not like it, Steena?
20:19I'm afraid cinnamon is not my biggest fan.
20:21Is it not?
20:22No.
20:23How dare it!
20:24Even at Christmas, I wouldn't have cinnamon because it's spicy on the old roof of your mouth.
20:31I couldn't eat it because I needed a knife and fork.
20:34Don't really like cinnamon.
20:36And the cream didn't even taste like cream.
20:40Well, you certainly haven't won it.
20:42No offense.
20:43Sorry.
20:44How do you know I haven't won?
20:45The menu?
20:46You've got to be in it to win it.
20:47Yeah.
20:48Yeah, and I'm still in it, right?
20:50I think because Kieran thought he'd done as best as he could.
20:54He really did take that to heart.
20:56I don't even think stray dogs and cats would eat that food.
21:00I understood why the girls gave Kieran quite a lot of criticism.
21:04I feel like maybe he may have come across quite blunt, a bit harsh.
21:08Tell the guy some dreams, you know?
21:10Ella's saying I haven't won.
21:13I mean, nah, to be honest, I can see why she said that.
21:17Tears of a clown.
21:18Scores, please!
21:19He tried hard, but it was so bad.
21:23It's a four.
21:25The only good thing about Kieran's food was the starter,
21:28because it reminded me of my favourite food.
21:30The mane has put me off kabobs for life
21:32and the dessert was diabolical.
21:34There are no words.
21:35So, for that reason, I'm scoring Kieran a three.
21:38Oh!
21:39I've never known Kieran to cook.
21:41He loves a takeaway.
21:43Shock, it was a takeaway.
21:45Half of it.
21:46So, for that reason, I'm going to give him a five.
21:49They didn't put a lot of effort towards the food,
21:51and for that reason, I'm going to give Kieran a five.
21:55Which all means that Kieran's comedy caper puts him firmly in last place,
22:00with a decidedly unfunny 17 out of 40.
22:04The next time, guests are left waiting.
22:11It's quarter past nine.
22:13I'm a late eater.
22:14It's an hour between courses at the moment.
22:17And left questioning.
22:19I have never implied that it resembles dog.
22:22It does, though.
22:23It honestly looked like something that came out of Kieran's baby's nappy.
22:26I'm happy.
22:27I'm happy.
22:29I'm happy.
22:31It's not helping.
22:32That you are the one who copy yourself.
22:34Not Matthew, as well.
22:35And in refrigerator, continue to get sent out of Kieran's baby
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