00:00Dad, I was going through the attic and I found this guitar. Do you need it?
00:15Nope. Do what you want with it.
00:19So, to begin, hold the guitar comfortably. Proper hand placement is key.
00:24The quality of your guitar playing will depend on these things.
00:27And if the sound isn't clean, release your fingers and give them time to rest. Afterwards, keep hammering on them by time to press the strings so-
00:35Your movements don't have to be very quick.
00:37Ah!
00:38This is a basic warm-up. You'll learn it in no time.
00:41Fuck!
00:42Second, first fret, third, second fret, first fret-
00:47You stupid guitarist can't even properly display how to play!
00:52Oh, give me a break!
00:53What's with the strumming?
00:56Where did you get-
00:57You came in without knocking! We had an agreement! Tomorrow, I get music rights!
01:03Damn!
01:05The dreaded knock! Now I gotta listen to your pop music again!
01:08Pop yourself!
01:14Uh, could I give that a try?
01:16Go for it. I need a laugh.
01:19Not sitting right, and your fingers aren't long enough to play on a guitar like that.
01:29Jesus Christ! These strings are so taut!
01:32That's nothing. Just wait till you start bleeding and whining after.
01:36I watched a video where the guy held the strings sorta like this.
01:40You've gotta press on the strings extremely hard for it to sound ideal.
01:43And with the other hand, he did something like...
01:51As if you could learn such a rhythm-
01:53Man, does this kill my fingers!
02:04I've had enough of your guitar!
02:06If I keep this up, I won't be able to hold my mouse right!
02:08Can you help me?
02:12You should understand that you don't have any musical talent, and you're not gonna be the next Jimi Hendrix or Kirk-
02:18I get it!
02:19Well, can you teach me how to play guitar or not?
02:21I can.
02:23When?
02:24In ten minutes, inside my office.
02:27Excellent!
02:28The lesson begins in three, two, one.
02:36Now then, the guitar is a musical instrument consisting of-
02:39The body, the fret, the neck, nuts, and pegs.
02:42I'm familiar with the theory.
02:43Let's just skip this part of the lesson.
02:45All right.
02:46Then we'll start by taking that thing you called a guitar and putting it somewhere aside.
02:50And now, grab a guitar.
02:55One of yours?
02:56Gibson.
02:57Gibson.
02:58Um, usually you don't even let us look in their direction.
03:01Today is a special day, however.
03:03Today you realize just how talentless of a musician you are.
03:07Sit up, so that it's comfortable, and place your other hands on the strings.
03:15Sit straight.
03:18Can you sit straight or not?
03:19I'm sitting straight!
03:20Why didn't you say anything?
03:21Let's move on.
03:22All right.
03:23Play E.
03:24E, E, what is E?
03:27It's a note.
03:28How do I play this note?
03:30Where is it?
03:31Ha!
03:32Typical D.
03:33Doesn't know on even a basic note.
03:35It's this one here.
03:36How is it played on the guitar?
03:40On an open string.
03:42Either 1st or 6th.
03:48Okay.
03:51Place your thumb on the backside of the fret and bend your index fingers in like this so
03:55that it doesn't catch adjacent strings.
03:58And press down on the 6th string first fret like so.
04:01And then plug it.
04:03The sound should be clean.
04:05The sound isn't clean.
04:09The sound isn't clean.
04:11The sound's not clean.
04:13D, you're catching the neighboring strings.
04:15The sound is not clean.
04:17Not clean!
04:20Do you have any talent at all?
04:21Dad!
04:22Oh, sorry about that.
04:24Professional Tabbit.
04:25Um, give it another plug?
04:28Well, that'll do for the first time.
04:30Now, something different.
04:31Start by placing four fingers across four frets.
04:33Afterwards, release and press the strings in order along the fretboard.
04:37The sound should be clean off of every fret.
04:42Ugh, this'll take me forever!
04:44And what's the rush, D?
04:46How about clean sound without all this finger work?
04:49Not possible!
04:50If you want to play the guitar...
04:52I just want to be able to grab a guitar, head outside, and...
04:55And show everyone you're a nobody guitarist!
04:57Shaming yourself!
04:58Shaming me!
04:59I just want to learn how to play a couple songs!
05:02With only one lesson, not possible.
05:05Well, somehow it worked for Heavy the first time playing Scream!
05:09That's because he's a world of talent ahead of you.
05:12As far as music is concerned, what Heavy could pick up in one lesson would take you months.
05:17And not without great difficulty.
05:19I did try to warn you that you don't have any musical talent.
05:22Yeah, yeah, you don't gotta say it twice.
05:24I understand that I'm talentless.
05:29Oh, D.
05:30It's possible I'm being too rough.
05:32Sorry, don't get angry with me.
05:34I'm not angry...
05:36...at you.
05:40Hey, what's up dudes?
05:41Hey, let's play around!
05:42I got dibs on Damage Dealer!
05:44Yeah!
05:45Ha ha ha ha!
05:47Mm-hmm!
05:48Check it out, dudes!
05:49Today was the first time ever that I picked up a guitar!
05:52It seems so damn easy!
05:54They say that you've got to study rhythm!
05:56Crap!
05:57I say just play it as you hear it!
05:59Did you hear it?
06:01Nah, D is a guy.
06:02He's been strumming the guitar all day.
06:04If I can play Scream after only a couple of minutes, the D must be shredding it like anybody.
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