Cort's Ball Comedy

Channel B

2 days ago

Transcript

00:00what are you up to now chuck well the new five-hour energy holiday flavors have got me in the spirit

00:05so i'm decorating the studio oh i see so thanksgiving cranberry lime christmas is the

00:11gingerbread snap but what about halloween

00:20dave and chuck the freak salute the douche bag of the day

00:24this guy actually is the poop bag of the day oh god geez because that's what he was throwing around

00:32well imagine having one a man was arrested at a massachusetts hospital after removing his

00:41colostomy bag yeah and hurling it at hospital staff and police officers during a messy confrontation

00:49yep i mean you're pretty upset you know i feel like it would take a lot to get me to want to kill you

00:58but being covered in your feces you'd want to rockets you up that list oh man yeah working

01:04at a hospital it wouldn't be here for you not for me no not for me i think you get people's feces on

01:08you you know sure quite a bit but not on purpose you know what i mean oh yeah generally it's just

01:16you're cleaning someone or whatever not that they have weaponized their feces so

01:22also prison guard you'd kill inmates all the time you would true you would because they use it so any

01:30kind of weaponized poop yeah not for me

01:35and i realized that the colostomy feces is different too it's been it's been sitting right

01:40it's like a stew okay now come on get up open the door and leave okay i don't know what it looks

01:47like it's not a clear bag is it it's not a clear bag you don't you don't check it out like to make

01:53sure you're okay and see i don't i can't say for sure i know i've seen clear colostomy bags what yeah

02:00i thought they were clear are they clear so you can check them out i don't know does it look like

02:04they're all clear i don't want to look this up i'm just looking up if they're clear you don't have

02:09to look it up i know you got to like burp them yeah i know about the burp burp them they're not

02:16all clear okay clear and transparent options are available and often used in the hospital

02:21to allow easy monitoring yeah they're checking it out

02:27two officers responded to the campus about 5 45 in the morning

02:30um two men had entered the hospital and were causing a disturbance one complied and exited

02:38but poop bag guy remained defiant demanding the staff change his colostomy bag before he would

02:45leave oh well yes sir hold on if i knew i was going to get a throne on me i'd be like get someone get in

02:52here like the hospital doesn't have to change it for you i don't know how that goes i know nothing about

02:57it oh i don't want to ever i just assumed you could do it yourself i can't even replace the

03:02toilet paper roll how am i supposed to do this i know it's a lot i mean i keep up with that culver's

03:06diet you might be on a class you gotta be careful man you gotta be careful you're fine you're fine

03:12hard to do stand-up comedy with a poop bag uh well that's his shtick or you could just make it all

03:17about that yeah and if they don't laugh court is there a comedian with a colossal yes 100 there is

03:23we're gonna look it up you have beat listen some it's life is so dark that you have to

03:29there has to be a comedian it's a sad story i'm sure yeah i don't know why dave really wants to

03:35get to the bottom louis green reveals colostomy bag during gig oh no no thank you i thought that

03:41would just kill it that would kill the mood oh man definitely oh he's a big guy oh boy well he's a

03:49big man you know i'm gonna pass on you showed it yeah he sure did it's his his belly's hanging out

03:55and so is his bag i don't like how it is and is it brown it looked like a little window there is

04:01a soul there dark window i need a bit like this no you don't no you don't man you definitely do not

04:08you know who the comedian i'm not gonna go see poop bag comedian yeah i know i don't know it's good to

04:14be known for something that's what i'm saying you need a shtick you need something you know it's hard to

04:18find all the good stuff is taken there's a couple of them actually cancer's taken you got to go

04:25something else man because there's a bunch of comedians with colostomy bags this is what i'm

04:32saying i probably double it as like a whoopee cushion too it looked that's what i thought it

04:35was like honestly like if i saw a man coming at me with that i'd think oh he's gonna whoopee me

04:41um he's about to do one of those fake farts and then you get real whoopee worst whoopee of your life

04:46oh my goodness i don't like this but i'm once again no just keep working the jokes court

04:55let the jokes carry you right and poop normally yeah good advice man yeah good

05:00advice you gotta crack through somehow you don't want a bag you don't want a bag and you and you

05:05honestly you can't just stick one to yourself and not need it oh my god a fake one you can't oh my

05:14god if he's outed as the comedian with a fake colostomy bag yeah that's terrible you can't do that

05:20court okay promise me it would offend dozens dozens

05:24you can't be that guy though man you can't he's the dice clay of colostomy and it turns out he's

05:32actually white

05:35what else could we get him to stand out though there's those nudicles those fake testicles

05:41i mean i what what are we gonna do with those what are we doing i don't know

05:46what are we doing you stand up with those balls out well then you can like like pound them right

05:49and it doesn't hurt oh wow it suddenly clangs as i walk around yeah dave wants your comedy act to be

05:56get this dave wants your comedy act to be you get up on stage you pull out your fake balls on stage

06:06and then you start pounding them with something like a hammer or something

06:10i mean he's like the gallagher of fake balls put them on the stool and smash them with a hard

06:16object stick don't let dave be your manager we're gonna get your fake balls you're gonna pound the

06:22hell out of them on stage first with a hammer

06:26dave's like you know who i really loved as a comedian was gallagher so we got this idea where

06:33you pull your balls out they're not yours they're fake they're nudicles fake and then a large mallet

06:39smash it then you're done audience goes why yeah then you're done and what's great is people get

06:45covered in something they don't know what it is you're warming up for the colostomy bad guy

06:52yeah court is ballagher oh done wow done and done print money how many times can you smash your own

07:00balls every night it would have to be an elaborate set of props and i would hope that court has his

07:07sights set higher than being a prop comedian but you never know you never know a bit's a bit a

07:12bit as long as they're buying seats that's how rich as can be i know he is he is yeah he is

07:18but ballagher i mean you gotta you gotta have like a ball guillotine what awful he's kind of like a

07:23combination of gallagher and carrot top oh my god oh my god the world's never seen it think

07:30no well and then some kind of like real off like whoever is doing just ball jokes or something like

07:40it's a trifecta of something horrible yeah and dave dreamt it up as america's getting dumber and

07:47dumber yes he could be the like when he's living in a luxury penthouse in vegas oh i know making 150

07:54million a year listen sometimes you're the show for idiocracy yeah well we've always been there

08:02yeah and that's fine yes well we are because from that movie there's the all my balls guy

08:09who smashed who hurts his balls yeah so dave your idea was in idiocracy and that's court court is out

08:16my balls i sent him to you if you want to watch a clip of how my balls got easy out my balls i don't

08:21know if he swears you know i don't know watch it you gotta watch it you gotta let us know

08:30oh no al my balls clean oh geez dude all my balls yeah we are idiocracy

08:38i don't know i don't know how my balls yes court that's court there's a bit there yeah there is

09:05there was there was it's already been used it'll be huge they're looking for a replacement for chris

09:10angel

09:11you listen dave would be dave would be more furious oh my god if court rose to las vegas

09:22fame slightly happy for him but also just another stolen idea

09:25no cut no cut no cut at all no way everyone has pictures of balls on their shirts oh my god

09:36dave's at the show plotting like in that now you see me movie oh yeah tried to look for something to

09:41go wrong yeah dave decides he's going to take his family to las vegas and he wants to stay at the

09:46nicest place that's where bolliger is that's where bolliger is it's that big a show in the penthouse

09:52oh my god well you can't stay in that one that's courts that's what i'm saying yeah yeah that's it

09:59like dave has to stay yeah get down you you turn on the tv to try to relax and it's me hey it's court

10:06yeah go on down to the lobby welcome to caesars yeah over and over come punch my balls

10:15oh my god that's it you get an autograph picture and you punch them in those fake nuts at the caesars

10:21ballroom oh i get my own room he writes a book he doesn't even credit me he doesn't thank me for

10:26the idea nothing thanks to dave coulier oh my god oh my god

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