- 5 days ago
Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about a guy who threw his colostomy bag at hospital staff. Then, end up talking about how different gimmicks Cort could use to stand out in the comedy world. Like a colostomy bag or using his balls.
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00:00What are you up to now, Chuck?
00:01Well, the new five-hour energy holiday flavors have got me in the spirit,
00:05so I'm decorating the studio!
00:08Oh, I see. So Thanksgiving, Cranberry Lime, Christmas is the gingerbread snap,
00:12but what about Halloween?
00:13Poop, it's mine!
00:19Dave and Chuck the Freak salute the Douchebag of the Day.
00:25This guy actually is the Poop Bag of the Day.
00:28Oh, God. Jeez.
00:30Because that's what he was throwing around.
00:32Well, imagine having one.
00:35A man was arrested at a Massachusetts hospital after removing his colostomy bag
00:42and hurling it at hospital staff and police officers during a messy confrontation.
00:50Yep. I mean, you're pretty upset, you know.
00:53I feel like it would take a lot to get me to want to kill you.
00:56But being covered in your feces rockets you up that list.
01:02Oh, man.
01:03Yeah, working at a hospital, it wouldn't be for you.
01:05Not for me.
01:06No.
01:06Not for me.
01:07I think you get people's feces on you, you know?
01:09It could happen.
01:10Sure.
01:10Quite a bit.
01:11But not on purpose.
01:13You know what I mean?
01:14Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:14Generally, it's just you're cleaning someone or whatever.
01:18Not that they have weaponized their feces.
01:20So, also prison guard.
01:25You'd kill inmates all the time.
01:26Oh, true.
01:27You would.
01:28Because they use it.
01:29So, any kind of weaponized poop.
01:31Yeah.
01:32Not for me.
01:35And I realized that.
01:36The colostomy feces is different, too.
01:38It's been sitting.
01:40Right.
01:40It's like a stew.
01:41Okay, now.
01:42Come on.
01:43Get up.
01:43Open the door and leave.
01:45Okay.
01:46I don't know what it looks like.
01:48It's not a clear bag, is it?
01:50It's not a clear bag.
01:51You don't check it out to make sure you're okay and stuff, do you?
01:54See, I can't say for sure.
01:56I know I've seen clear colostomy bags.
01:59What?
01:59Yeah, I thought they were clear.
02:01Are they clear so you can check them out?
02:02I thought they were.
02:03I don't know.
02:04Does it look like a stew?
02:05I don't know if they're all clear.
02:07I don't want to look this up.
02:08I'm just looking up if they're clear.
02:09Don't look.
02:09You don't have to look it up.
02:10No, you got to like burp them.
02:12Yeah, I know about the burp.
02:13Burp them.
02:15They're not all clear.
02:16Okay.
02:17But clear and transparent options are available and often used in the hospital to allow easy
02:22monitoring.
02:22Yeah, so they're checking it out.
02:27Two officers responded to the campus about 545 in the morning.
02:32Two men had entered the hospital and were causing a disturbance.
02:35One complied and exited, but poop bag guy remained defiant, demanding the staff change his colostomy
02:44bag before he would leave.
02:46Oh, well, yes, sir.
02:48Hold on.
02:49If I knew I was going to get it thrown on me, I'd be like, get someone good in here.
02:53Like the hospital doesn't have to change it for you.
02:55I don't know how that goes.
02:56I know nothing about it.
02:57Oh, I don't want to ever.
02:58I just assumed you could do it yourself.
03:00I can't even replace the toilet paper roll.
03:02How am I supposed to do this?
03:04I know.
03:04It's a lot.
03:05I mean, I understand.
03:06You might be on a colostomy bag.
03:08You got to be careful, man.
03:09You got to be careful.
03:11You're fine.
03:11I don't know.
03:12You're fine.
03:12Hard to do stand-up comedy with a poop bag.
03:14Well, that's his shtick.
03:16Or you could just make it all about that.
03:17Yeah, and if they don't laugh, Court.
03:19Is there a comedian with a colostomy bag?
03:21Yes, 100% there is.
03:23We're going to look it up.
03:23Listen, life is so dark that you have to.
03:29There has to be a comedian.
03:30It's a sad story, I'm sure.
03:32It's not really funny.
03:34Yeah, I don't know why Dave really wants to get to the bottom of it.
03:36The comedian Louie Green reveals colostomy bag during gig.
03:39Oh, no.
03:40No, thank you.
03:40I feel like that would just kill it.
03:42That would kill the mood.
03:43Oh, man.
03:43Definitely.
03:44It's hard to laugh.
03:45Oh, he's shirtless.
03:45Oh, no.
03:47He's a big guy.
03:48Oh, boy.
03:48Well, he's a big man.
03:50You know, I'm going to pass on this.
03:51He showed it?
03:52Yeah, he sure did.
03:53It's his belly's hanging out.
03:55And so is his bag.
03:57I don't like how it is.
03:58And is it brown?
03:59It looked like a little window.
04:01There is a sole there.
04:02Dark window.
04:03I need a bit like this.
04:04No, you don't.
04:05No, you don't, man.
04:07You definitely do not.
04:08You know who the comedian I'm not going to go see?
04:11Poop bag comedian.
04:12Yeah, I know.
04:13I don't know.
04:14It's good to be known for something.
04:15That's what I'm saying.
04:16You need a shtick.
04:17You need something.
04:17You know, it's hard to find.
04:20All the good stuff is taken.
04:22There's a couple of them actually.
04:23Cancer is taken.
04:24You got to go something else, man.
04:26Because there's a bunch of comedians with colostomy bags.
04:31This is what I'm saying.
04:32Oh, I probably double it as like a whoopee cushion too.
04:34It looked.
04:35That's what I thought it was.
04:36Like, honestly, like if I saw a man coming at me with that, I'd think, oh, he's gonna whoopee
04:41me.
04:41Um, he's about to do one of those fake farts and then you get real whoopee.
04:45Worst whoopee of your life.
04:46Oh my goodness.
04:48I don't like this, but I'm, once again.
04:51No.
04:51Just keep working the jokes, Court.
04:54Yeah.
04:55Let the jokes carry you.
04:56Right.
04:56And poop normally.
04:58Yeah.
04:58Good advice, man.
04:59Yeah.
05:00Good advice.
05:00You gotta crack through somehow.
05:01You don't want a bag.
05:03You don't want a bag.
05:04And you, and you honestly, you can't just stick one to yourself.
05:08And not need it.
05:10Do a fake one?
05:11You can't.
05:11Oh my god, a fake one?
05:13You can't.
05:13Oh my god, if he's outed as the comedian with a fake colostomy bag.
05:17Yeah, that's terrible.
05:19Oh, you can't do that, Court.
05:20Okay, promise me.
05:21It would offend dozens.
05:23Oh, dozens.
05:27You can't be that guy though, man.
05:29You can't.
05:29He's the dice clay of colostomy bag.
05:31And it turns out he's actually white.
05:35What else could we get him to stand out though?
05:38There's those nudicles, those fake testicles.
05:41I mean, what are we going to do with those?
05:44What are we doing with those?
05:45I don't know.
05:45What are we doing?
05:46You stand up with those balls out?
05:47Well, then you can like pound them, right?
05:49And it doesn't hurt.
05:50Oh, wow.
05:50It suddenly clangs as I walk around.
05:54Dave wants your comedy act to be, get this.
05:57Dave wants your comedy act to be, you get up on stage.
06:01You pull out your fake balls on stage.
06:05I didn't say pull them out.
06:07And then you start pounding them with something, like a hammer or something.
06:11He's like the Gallagher of fake balls.
06:14Put them on the stool and smash them with a hard object.
06:16He needs a stick.
06:17Don't let Dave be your manager.
06:19No, I don't.
06:20We're going to get you fake balls.
06:21You're going to pound the hell out of them on stage.
06:23First, put a hammer.
06:25The Gallagher.
06:26Dave's like, you know who I really loved as a comedian?
06:29It was Gallagher.
06:30So, we got this idea where you pull your balls out.
06:34They're not yours.
06:35They're fake.
06:36They're nudicals.
06:36They're fake.
06:37And then a large mallet, smash them.
06:41Then you're done.
06:42The audience goes, what?
06:42Yeah, then you're done.
06:43And what's great is people get covered in something.
06:46They don't know what it is.
06:49You're warming up for the colostomy bag guy.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Court is Gallagher.
06:54No!
06:55Ball!
06:56Done.
06:57Wow.
06:57Done and done.
06:58Print money.
06:59How many times can you smash your own balls?
07:01Every night.
07:01It would have to be an elaborate set of props.
07:04And I would hope that Court has his sights set higher than being a prop comedian.
07:09But you never know.
07:10You never know.
07:11A bit's a bit.
07:12A bit's a bit.
07:13As long as they're buying seats.
07:14That's how rich as can be.
07:16I know he is.
07:16He is.
07:17Yeah, he is.
07:18But Ballagher, I mean, you got to have like a ball guillotine.
07:22What an awful.
07:22He's kind of like a combination of Gallagher and Carrot Top.
07:27Oh, my God.
07:28Oh, my God.
07:28Think of that.
07:29The world's never seen it.
07:30Think of that.
07:31No!
07:31Well, and then some kind of like real off, like whoever is doing just ball jokes or something.
07:39Like it's a trifecta of something horrible.
07:44And Dave dreamt it up.
07:45But as America's getting dumber and dumber.
07:47Yes.
07:47He could be the.
07:49Like when he's living in a luxury penthouse in Vegas.
07:52Oh, I know.
07:53Making 150 million a year.
07:56Listen, sometimes you're the show for idiocracy.
08:00Yeah.
08:00Well, we've always been that.
08:02Yeah.
08:02And that's fine.
08:03Yes.
08:04Well, we are.
08:05Because from that movie, there's the All My Balls guy.
08:09Idiocracy.
08:10Who hurts his balls.
08:11Yeah.
08:11So Dave, your idea was in Idiocracy.
08:14And that's Court.
08:15Court is All My Balls.
08:16I sent him to you if you want to watch a clip of All My Balls guy.
08:19We got to see All My Balls.
08:20I don't know if he swears or not.
08:22I don't know if he swears or not.
08:23Jason!
08:24You got to watch it.
08:25You got to let us know.
08:28Oh, no.
08:32All My Balls clean?
08:34Oh, jeez.
08:36Dude, All My Balls.
08:37We are Idiocracy.
08:38I don't know I don't know my balls yes court that's court there's a bit there yeah there
09:04there was it's already been used it'll be huge they're looking for a replacement for chris angel
09:11Dave would be Dave would be more furious oh my god if court rose to las vegas fame
09:22I'd be slightly happy for him but also just another stolen idea
09:25Dave's at the show plotting like in that now you see me movie oh yeah tried to look for something
09:41to go wrong yeah Dave decides he's gonna take his family to las vegas and he wants to stay at the
09:46nicest place that's where Bologer is that's where Bologer is it's that big a show and the penthouse
09:52oh my god well you can't stay in that one that's courts that's what I'm saying yeah yeah that's
09:59it like Dave has to stay yeah get down you you turn on the TV to try to relax and it's me hey it's court
10:06yeah go on down to the lobby welcome to Caesars yeah over and over come punch my balls oh my god
10:16that's it you get an autographed picture and you punch them in those fake nuts at the Caesars ballroom
10:22oh I get my own room he writes a book he doesn't even credit me he doesn't thank me for the idea
10:27nothing thanks to Dave Coulier
10:30oh my god
10:33oh my god
10:34devastation
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