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Reality Realm US
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Short filmTranscript
00:00You
00:15The crutches filmed in front of a live studio audience
00:19All day is
00:21There he is
00:23Top of the class past the bar or his first try
00:26Well, you would think with all that money that you're making at that high-power law firm you could afford pants that fit
00:33Come on dad, you know I look good. Yeah, you look good in your capris
00:38Back in my day when you wore pants that didn't cover your ankles the whole neighborhood would tell you to pull your shoes up
00:44I know you ain't talking your generation's outfits made no sense. Yeah, we're matching sweatsuits and never went jogging
00:52Well, I know this weekend is going crazy, so I'm gonna tell you now
00:58Your mother will be proud of you, and I'm proud of you
01:02Thanks, Pat
01:04Knock-knock
01:05Oh
01:07Grandpa
01:09Oh, come here girl. Come here. Oh
01:14You look like you need a little help with that luggage. I do. Thanks, daddy. Okay, Jake get them bags
01:22What up big head? I love you, too, sis
01:27I appreciate you flying all the way from Minnesota
01:29My little brother graduates from Columbia law school. I would not miss that party
01:34Damn, that's a lot of bags for three days. Where's Andrew? I thought he was coming. Oh, he couldn't make it crazy work thing
01:40Oh, man, Andrew's not coming. I was looking forward to our annual chess games. I was gonna whoop his butt
01:47Oh, Lisa Mace
01:50I bet you Harlem makes Minnesota look like a whole different universe. It sure does
01:55There are more black people standing on your corner than in my whole school
02:00I love Harlem coming up here. I saw a fight where one girl was
02:04Windmill in her fist so hard her ponytail popped off
02:08Did a titty pop out?
02:10Look kids a snake. Yeah pops in the roommate
02:17That's right always wanted a python and now that you kids off my dime I can finally do me
02:24Yeah, you never guess what he named it. I named the financial freedom
02:29And I keep on the window cuz I like my financial freedom where I could see
02:33Yeah, dad's got all kinds of changes going on around here
02:37You turn the whole top floor into a modern state-of-the-art apartment that he plans to rent out
02:42Jack so what that door right there is a special entrance for my tenants
02:47Wait, wait, wait, wait
02:48You you building an apartment in our house our house. You haven't lived here for 12 years
02:53So what you've been living in your fancy place for over a year
02:57Daddy, you don't want to live with strangers. They're not strangers. They're tenants. That is a landlord word
03:04Well, I'm not sure about this
03:06Don't worry about it. They weren't moving until you go back to minnesota. Wait, wait, wait
03:09You found renters already without me. I'm your lawyer. I gotta do background checks. The only checks I want to see is rent checks
03:21Well with all these changes, maybe now we can see what's going on in mom and dad's special room
03:28Absolutely not. I don't ever want to know what happened in area 51
03:32You can't unhinge your jaw eat the whole meal there. I see nothing has changed with you two
03:46Hey, uh, Tony
03:48Hey, baby
03:50Oh my goodness, you kids are growing so fast and there is the man of the hour. Let him know. Let him know
04:01I'm surprised you here. I thought it was brown bear week in alaska
04:07Francois, you know I could tase you until you're medium well
04:10You correct these officers might get away with that on rikers island when you're looking for love
04:14But in my house, I got rights. Did you get it all out? Do you feel better?
04:20When I heard andrew wasn't coming, I thought I would come over and help jamilla get set up with the kid
04:26Jamilla, how did this overgrown sasquatch know that andrew wasn't coming?
04:31I knew because my niece and my nephew talked to me all the time
04:35Well, I did raise my kids to be kind to the simple
04:43Okay, well as much as I want to stay and watch this entertaining back and forth. I gotta meet with a client. All right. I love y'all
04:51Go get him boy boy
04:55All right, let's get you guys settled come on help grandpa taking stuff upstairs. Let's go
04:59We gotta work mom. You said this was a vacation
05:04These kids got your hair, but their father's white privilege
05:09Let's go
05:12I take it you haven't told your father about andrew yet you want me to bust in here
05:17Tell him I have nowhere to go and that my marriage is falling apart. You have nothing to be ashamed of people get divorced all the time
05:24Divorce no, we're not there yet. Well, where are you?
05:27I don't know. I just need some time to breathe and figure it out
05:32My brother-in-law will do anything for his family. I've known him a long time
05:37So I suggest you break the news to him after he's had his third party drink
05:43Why the third one three drinks? That's a sweet spot. That's how your mother got him to have jake
05:53I was one crowning coke away from being an only child
05:55Damn
06:04Me and flaco we go back like spinal cords and car seats
06:10What does that mean pop up it means we're old
06:14Old enough to know the greatest beatboxer ever
06:17Dougie fresh he was raised right here in harlem now the fat boys
06:21They come from brooklyn, but we give them love even though today. They'd be called the plus-size boys
06:26That's right. Hey, yo flaco. Let me hear it again
06:29That's right, y'all come on mace get into it baby
06:36Oh
06:40This is way better than ice fishing
06:42Hey, yo
06:48Let's go in the house baby
06:50Hey, we ready for this party, son
06:52You know me
06:53Oh everything we're life
06:55He's been doing this new york accent since we landed in jfk
07:01Oh my god, lisa and mace you got so much taller
07:04And you three just got water
07:11Boy, I got mad jokes, you know
07:14But dead ass though before you was my wife and everything me and my dunnies right here
07:20We used to have a whole rap group you know
07:22Oh, what was it called a tribe called mess
07:24Me and flaco are going on this hip-hop is 50s cruise and we were just kicking games with my grandkids about old-school hip-hop
07:34Yeah, and this cruise has a special section for folks single and ready to mingle
07:38But I can't get a certain someone to fill out his profile
07:42Here we go again. I told you flaco the only woman I want to see on this cruise
07:47Is some pepper mc light and maybe remy ma or her cousin deborah if they not locked up
07:56Okay, okay, I'll tell you what if you want I can help you fill out your profile say word word
08:06Listen you can move on you'll always love jeannette
08:11You're entitled to a second time around. I mean if anything ever happened to me
08:15I would want Calvin to move on
08:17Say what now?
08:20After a minimum of five years with some serious grief and mourning anything less than that. I will haunt you
08:32Five years she's gonna be on
08:34What you say now
08:38I ain't saying that
08:45Everybody
08:48It's official my son is an attorney at law
08:55We are up we need some of that blind justice, so if y'all need anything we got you
09:05Reverend dick locket plate full of chilies, huh?
09:08I got some hot sauce over there for you. Thanks for coming out
09:12Well now brother crunch we miss you at church. Hey, I watch online god bless 5g
09:18Well, you know our online experience would be superb if only the church had better wi-fi
09:24I know but once my son's big checks come in you sure to get a nice donation
09:29Hey, man, now we got some other time reverend
09:35Hey daddy refresh your dream. No, not right now, baby. I need a clear head to receive my guests
09:40Come on dad. It's a celebration. Come here
09:43You right
09:45One black person graduate from law school and y'all act brand new. I don't know why I wasn't invited
09:58Because you're a thief miss pearl
10:01I know you took my commodore's box set. I helped you look for it. That's how I know you took it
10:06Hey, you all good big sis
10:12Yeah, yeah, um you enjoy your big night. Ah seen the neighborhood come out like this reminds me of mom with those parties at the house
10:19To get people to sign petitions. I miss those
10:22Jake one lemon cupcake for signature
10:26Jamila tell the people why they must vote no for proposition 240 go
10:30So what's up with andrew why couldn't you make my little party you know just work stuff yeah yeah work stuff
10:43What kind of work stuff
10:47Uh-oh miss pearl taking the top off again
10:52This body broke up new edition
11:00Jake Jamila
11:06Listen up people I want to make a toast bad luck to toast with the empty glass
11:14You're right my daughter
11:18Celebration now I do not want to get emotional better not
11:25You look bloated when you cry oh
11:27I
11:29Don't thank all of y'all for coming out to help me celebrate my many blessings
11:33You know having two beautiful kids who found a purpose
11:37Is a gift any father would love
11:39I just wish my daughter and my grandkids wasn't so far away from me in minnesota
11:46Then there's my son jake
11:48Who has an amazing apartment overlooking central park with a japanese toilet that done things in my butt that my wife would never do
11:57God bless her soul
12:00The bishop magic don't warm wrap it up my arm is getting tired hold on
12:05I mean what what what did uh magic don wild say what is it
12:10Okay to purpose
12:11To purpose
12:14To purpose
12:16Okey doke all right
12:18Yeah, I just want to
12:20Piggy back off my father's toast about purpose
12:23In my last year at law school I asked myself
12:26What type of lawyer do I want to be during this arduous pursuit
12:30You said arduous?
12:34Speak your ivy league shit son
12:36Boy I think I got headphones on
12:41Well as most of you know my mother was big on community
12:46And because of her I want to be the type of lawyer that represents his people
12:51In fact I have my first big case tomorrow right here in harlem
12:54What?
12:59It's a pro bono case and working on it has been so inspiring that I decided to quit my job at miller stevens and cohen to pursue a
13:06More permanent position at legal aid
13:08Oh, that's my fun
13:10Make it more money more money big checks in the house
13:15Uh, I don't think he understands what pro bono means
13:19My uncle had pro bono
13:20Started in the hand
13:25Went up the arm and a week later he was dead
13:33I don't think nobody up here know what pro bono mean
13:36Did somebody around here tell me what's going on?
13:39Uh, Crutch, I believe what he's saying is that
13:42With legal aid, he's gonna need some financial aid
13:45The lord giveth and the lord taketh away
13:48Yeah
13:49How you gonna live in manhattan without making no money?
13:51Yeah, I have a plan
13:53I thought till I got on my feet I could just stay in the upstairs apartment
13:57Wait, I need that apartment
13:59We're playing you have that huge house in minnesota
14:01I'm not playing
14:02I was gonna wait till after your party to talk to daddy in private but
14:06My marriage is probably ending and me and the kids have nowhere to live
14:08New house
14:14Pro bono
14:16What is going on?
14:20Uh, we gonna have to get Crutch off this roof
14:22Yeah
14:22Jake
14:30How could you turn down a gig making 250 grand?
14:33Plus housing, plus parking
14:35Free parking?
14:36In Manhattan?
14:37I know
14:38Was it indoor or outdoor?
14:39Indoor
14:42Dad, look
14:46Being a corporate lawyer was killing my soul
14:48At miller stevens and cohen I wasn't gonna see a courtroom for six maybe seven years
14:52They kept me locked in a law library doing research like a peon
14:56My dream is to be a trial attorney a voice for my people for my community
15:00That's all I want pop
15:02That is the dumbest shit I ever heard
15:06Took michael jordan seven seasons to get a chip
15:09And patience has always been your kelly skill
15:12You want everything now
15:13I'm doing meaningful work at legal aid
15:15I feel like I'm doing what mom would have always wanted me to do
15:18I'm changing lives today
15:20Plus I don't care that much about money
15:22Well you wear some fancy clothes for a dude that don't care about money
15:25Money can't buy you happiness dad
15:31You sound just like your mom
15:33Mama tell you like I told her
15:36Money can't buy you happiness but it can get you so damn close you won't even know the difference
15:42Look now mom would have never wanted jake to be unfulfilled or for me to be stuck in some broken marriage
15:47Baby baby baby marriage is not fun it's a job that's why they make you take those vows to you day
15:53It's more complicated than that daddy
16:00Let me ask you a question
16:02Did you and andrew even try i mean really try
16:06I didn't leave andrew he left us
16:09What he had a gambling problem for years
16:16Why don't you say something
16:18Because it's embarrassing
16:20I could barely afford to get here
16:22I finally told him you know it's big bear casino or us
16:26And he said he couldn't stop and didn't know how to stop gambling so i packed some bags and i left
16:31The kids don't even know yet
16:33Damn i'm so sorry sis i didn't know that i'm sorry i've heard enough
16:38Jake get the bone sword and shovel we going to minnesota
16:43Daddy what are you talking about the less you know the better
16:47That's exactly why they went to my sister for stuff like this
16:50Y'all told her before y'all told me i knew about jamila and andrew i had no idea about jake
17:01free parking
17:03in manhattan
17:05bruh
17:09That's where it is now you're keeping secrets from daddy
17:14Now see that's why i don't even talk to my kids shut up pearl
17:20Yo cal thanks for convincing me to come down here man
17:27Okay hey red that's enough now you're getting a little low
17:31Look i just need you to have an open mind
17:34Yeah when jake sees what it is to work for a group of ungrateful poor people
17:37He gonna run his ass back to working for a group of ungrateful rich people you know what i mean
17:42Maybe just a little more open than that oh yeah
17:45What are y'all doing here
17:46Oh i missed it did you win your case no i didn't yeah listen that's what i was trying to tell you jake
17:54Life is not a feel-good movie man morgan freeman is not gonna become your best friend and help you escape prison
18:01Rehabilitation is just a made-up word
18:04So go on stamp your form sonny and stop wasting my time because truthfully i don't give a
18:11Shit hey hey i like shaw shank too but i don't know what you're talking about
18:20Either get busy living or get busy dying sing
18:27Uncle cal let me just stop you right there what i was trying to tell you was that uh i didn't win a case
18:33Today i won three cases gracias señor jake muchas gracias this is miss garcia dad
18:38Her landlord was trying to illegally evict her but your son was phenomenal gracias thank you
18:51Sorry i wasn't here to see you make a big speech there are no big speeches it's mostly me helping
18:56People understand their rights that's what a legal aid lawyer does and that's what i did today mr crutchfield yeah
19:04Oh
19:05This is my father frank crutchfield these are the davisons pop your son got my boy signed up for a diversion program
19:12Thank you for keeping him out of jail just doing my job your son is a real blessing
19:21Oh he gonna beat his ass
19:26Well look if y'all want to see me in action i have one more case today
19:30I love that all right let me get my stomach look uh i'll go in but if i run out that's because i recognize the judge
19:47Boo i saw something caught today it wasn't good it was phenomenal
19:54I thought he's throwing his life away by representing a bunch of degenerates for no money
20:05Then i realized he was uh making a difference for some good people for no money
20:13Always knew he's gonna be just like you doing stuff for the community
20:17So this is area 51
20:22Oh
20:22So cool
20:26It's all yours
20:29All of us
20:30It's gonna be kind of cramped but uh
20:33I'm grateful we'll make it work
20:35Good can't do nothing about the upstairs until the lease for the renters expires
20:40Pop
20:41Let me see that lease
20:42Why
20:43Because i'm confident i can negotiate something that'll make everybody happy
20:47Well it ain't gonna make me happy you're gonna negotiate me out of all that rent money
20:53Daddy you choosing money over us
20:55No
20:55I'm choosing a lot of money over y'all
21:01Fine it's in the box
21:03Damn
21:08Chucks would have me living like i had the number every month
21:12No way
21:14Look lisa i'm gonna fire you
21:19Uh uh please get down
21:20Pop pop what is this some kind of fly swatter
21:23Thank you
21:26Go wash your hands both of y'all
21:33Really dad really what how you think the both of y'all got here
21:40Ew
21:48Bye bye financial freedom i'll miss you
21:52Have yours
21:56I know the real reason you're getting rid of that snake
21:59You fell in love with the feeding mice didn't you
22:01I never should have named them
22:06My sister always said that you were a big softy
22:09It's good to know that everything inside of you ain't dead and don't worry
22:13I won't tell your grandkids
22:16No internet you all right in my book
22:19And you are still the man that my sister fell in love with
22:23Those kids don't need to know that their grandpa's a little bitch
22:28It's official the lease is broken
22:31Damn you get the upstairs apartment and i get area 51 unless you want to switch
22:36Not a chance
22:38Thank you bro i take back almost every bad thing i ever said about you
22:42No you don't
22:43You're right
22:45Wow watch i love what you did with those stairs
22:49Oh man it's dope brother
22:50Yeah i hope you i do none of my sheets i just changed those sheets
22:55Hey y'all we got to take off man we're gonna head to the airport
22:58All right now plus y'all travel safe
23:00Love y'all man a little something for you nephew
23:03All right love you
23:04All right all right hey hey listen and uh
23:09Crutch you know we got a lot of experience of dealing with grown kids that's never ready to leave the nest
23:14But if you need anything anything at all i do have one question
23:18Well we didn't we didn't mean right now
23:21No this this whole thing's been a lot okay so we gonna holler at you all right
23:26All right later now all right be good
23:28All right y'all
23:29Oh daddy
23:30I'm sorry about the cruise i know you were looking forward to it
23:35You know i would have bought that ticket off of you
23:37Though the cruise line said no vampire bats allowed
23:43What's this about the cruise oh buddy i'm sorry i had to give up my tickets i'm sorry to tell you
23:48Ah yeah we had to sweeten the deal because technically pops was breaking the lease
23:52So you're sending me out to sea with strangers no flocco come on i would never do that to you man
23:58You my mellow my man my it's gone gone i had to give up your tickets too
24:04Are these pancakes gluten-free did happy hands lay these eggs oh pop the movers come while i'm in
24:09Court you mind letting them in uh also the door to the bathroom upstairs sticks and crutch i'm gonna be around
24:14A lot more so i'm gonna need a key also missing my keys you know what i'm also gonna need i'm gonna need some fresh grapes
24:28Thank you
24:30Good job
24:30Thank you nobody
24:36Sometimes life can deal you a messed up hand
24:44But when it hits the fan
24:47Never fear the crunch is here
24:49What's up, Wobo?
25:19What's up, Wobo?
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