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00:00I want something from you, so I'll bring to you what you desire, what not, what you need.
00:14You can choose to be the politician or the preceptor.
00:19So if you are acting politically correct, you must know that you have a personal stake somewhere.
00:26I want something from you, so I'm not going to run the risk of truth.
00:32And then there is the preceptor in relationships.
00:36Don't see whether that person loves you.
00:38See whether that person loves the truth.
00:40There must be people in your life, right?
00:42You think you know them really well?
00:44No.
00:44You do not know people really well.
00:46How will anybody know you really well?
00:51Namaskar Acharya Ji, and we are very grateful you're here.
00:54You've come all the way.
00:56So who am I?
00:57That's irrelevant.
00:59We're just very grateful that you're here.
01:01Thank you very much for your presence.
01:03My question is more of a conflict, and I'm in a constant conflict.
01:07What is the thin line between being polite and kind, or what you say sugar-coated or politically correct, versus blatantly truthful,
01:20which can also be a kind of compassion when you witness your loved ones or close ones, constantly being in a victim state and putting it on to others and more circumstantial when you know that it's more perceptional and self-induced.
01:37But when you are trying to convey that, then you are the one who's being given statements like, that the way you are,
01:48that the way you are, you're the one who's being given statements like, that the way I do, you are the one who's being given statements like, that the way you are.
01:54You are the one who's being given statements like that.
01:55You can't pinpoint that.
01:56You cannot pinpoint.
01:57You cannot pin point, you can give yourself to yourself, what is the difference between you?
02:02So it's been a constant conflict that where is that thin line?
02:08I would be, I think I manifested you here.
02:14I did.
02:16Thin line for whom?
02:18It depends on who you are.
02:20It depends on what you are choosing to be.
02:24Huh?
02:27Politically correct, you said in the beginning.
02:37In your daily life, in your relationships, you can choose to be the politician or the
02:47preceptor.
02:52The politician has a purpose, an ambition, right?
02:58The politician wants to become something and stay there.
03:06And therefore, he will have to compromise with the truth.
03:10We are talking of the relationships that we have, right?
03:14We are not talking of politicians of the kind that we have in assemblies and parliaments,
03:20because that's not the question here.
03:24So, if you are acting politically correct, you must know that you have a personal stake somewhere.
03:37No politician can ever speak truth absolute to his audience.
03:50He will have to dilute the truth.
03:51He will have to compromise there.
03:55Because there is something that he wants in return from the audience, right?
03:59He cannot afford to antagonize the audience.
04:04And if the audience is not ready to take the truth, the politician will not come up with
04:09the truth, even if he has it, assuming he has it.
04:13That is the politician.
04:14And you can be the politician in your relationships.
04:16I want something from you.
04:19So, I am not going to run the risk of truth.
04:24I want something from you.
04:25So, I will bring to you what you desire and what not what you need.
04:32I need something from you.
04:34So, I will bring that to you which pleases, not that which elevates.
04:43I will bring something pleasing to you rather than something elevating.
04:49That's the politician in relationships.
04:52And then there is the preceptor in relationships.
04:56Preceptor is teacher.
05:00I could have said teacher, you know, just to make P and P sound cute.
05:05I did this.
05:06I don't need to do this.
05:08Fine.
05:09The teacher.
05:13Or you could be the teacher in relationships.
05:18But that sounds so uncool.
05:20The teacher in relationships.
05:22What else do I say?
05:25Teacher, preceptor, sage, real friend, friend.
05:32Friend.
05:33Friend is fine.
05:34Friend is fine.
05:35Or you could be the friend.
05:37Friend does not have anything at stake.
05:42The first commitment of this one, the sagely friend, is towards the truth rather than the person he or she is related to.
05:53So, this one is not going to compromise.
05:56Now, in the short run, it would appear as if the politician does better.
06:09The relationships of the politician would appear to be better in the short run.
06:16And most of us are concerned only with the short term.
06:21So, there the politician looks like prevailing and that's why most of us prefer to be politicians in our relationships.
06:31But in the long term, it's the preceptor that wins.
06:38The politician seems to care too much about the other, the one he is related to.
06:46So, he says, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
06:48I want to be polite.
06:50I don't want to be too straight in your face, too rude.
06:55I'll say things in a way that don't displease you.
06:59In fact, I'll not say the right thing at all.
07:03I'll keep you enclosed in the kind of illusions that you prefer.
07:12In the short term, this seems to work.
07:16In the long term, it's the way of the teacher, the friend, the preceptor or the prophet that seems to work.
07:25It depends on you, how much love you have.
07:29If you don't have enough love, then you will choose to be a politician in a relationship.
07:35But if you have love enough, you will choose to be the prophet in a relationship.
07:40It depends on how much love you have.
07:44Love not really for this one, the one you are related to.
07:48Love for that.
07:49Love for this.
07:50If you don't have love for the first thing or the first one, how can you have love for all the others you are related to?
08:01In fact, if you want to judge the person you are related to, that's the way to judge.
08:09Don't see whether that person loves you.
08:14See whether that person loves the truth.
08:19Never ask, do you love me?
08:21See whether the person loves the truth.
08:26If the person loves the truth, everything is fine.
08:28You don't need to ask, are you in love?
08:30Do you love me?
08:31Do you like me?
08:33All these are needless questions.
08:36The only question to be asked is, do you love the truth?
08:39Truth, the first thing, the first one.
08:42If that is loved, all will be in place.
08:46And if that first thing itself is missing, then you might keep professing love or commitment or loyalty or whatever.
08:56The fact is that your relationship will remain self-serving and violent.
09:03Are you getting it?
09:12Hello, sir.
09:14I've been following you for the last five or six years.
09:18I think what I've learned is like in a lot of my aspects of life, I feel like I'm always chasing validation.
09:28And I have never really understood that certain parts of my life, I feel like I don't need validation.
09:33And those are not the good actions.
09:35And there are certain parts where I feel which are the good things which I know I should be doing.
09:39I need validation and I get that validation for a certain time.
09:42But then I can't kind of continue that action.
09:45So I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
09:53You can hear my being on this.
09:55I mean, I'm saying something to you that's not coming from any particular textbook or any pre-validated source.
10:05How do I know whether any of what I say to you makes any sense?
10:12The moment the question arises, there's a problem.
10:20There's a problem.
10:23You have to be sure of yourself.
10:26You have to ask yourself first of all whether you are brutally honest in your dealings with the others.
10:37You have to know for yourself that you are giving not just 100% but a little more than that to the other.
10:46Now you will not need to look into the others eyes and beg for validation.
10:56I'm already doing the maximum possible.
11:01Whether or not it pleases you, there is no way I can do anything extra or more.
11:06So if you say I am doing well, fine.
11:11And if you say I am doing poorly, that too is fine.
11:17So I don't need validation then.
11:19But that requires you to be ruthlessly honest with yourself first.
11:24When the inner eye is missing, then the outer eye keeps roving.
11:33Can you please certify that I am talking sense?
11:37Can you please attest that I am not an idiot?
11:43Can you please assure me that my decisions are correct?
11:48All that happens when you are not talking a lot to yourself.
11:55Others should not become easy substitutes.
12:00Your first relationship is with your own inner truth.
12:04And it's the most powerful source of validation.
12:10Others, how will they ever know you beyond a point?
12:19There must be people in your life, right?
12:22You think you know them really well?
12:25No.
12:26You do not know people really well.
12:28How will anybody know you really well?
12:31So even if others validate what you are saying or doing,
12:36does that hold any value?
12:39This person does not know me.
12:41But he says, Sir, you are great.
12:44Now this attestation, must it matter to me?
12:48He does not know me anyway at all.
12:50So even if he is certifying that I am wonderful,
12:53why should I be infrated because of that?
12:58The only person who can know me well is me.
13:08If I have to ask somebody, I will ask myself.
13:12If I have to ask, how am I doing?
13:14I will ask myself.
13:15But that would require you to be impartial.
13:19Nirmam.
13:20That's the word from Gita.
13:22Nirmam.
13:23That will require a certain detachment from oneself.
13:29A love for truth rather than personal weaknesses.
13:35Doesn't matter even if I have won the race.
13:38I know for myself, I didn't run well.
13:44They might have given me the gold medal.
13:46But I know for myself, I am not proud of how I run.
13:53Are you getting this?
13:57The problem is not that we go and seek validation from others.
14:02The problem is that we have a broken relationship with ourselves.
14:08We keep talking of relationships.
14:10We don't talk of the first, most fundamental, most important relationship.
14:15All your life, you have to live basically with yourself.
14:22Even when you are with others, have you not experienced loneliness?
14:25You might be surrounded.
14:27You might be in a crowd.
14:29And still there is loneliness.
14:31Have you not experienced that?
14:32Because you have to live with yourself.
14:35So maintain that relationship.
14:37Do well there.
14:38And the word there is honesty.
14:42Honesty.
14:43No trick, no magic, no formula can be a substitute for that.
14:50Honesty.
14:51Honesty.
14:52All wisdom literature, all spiritual practices, all philosophy stops at that point.
15:02Honesty.
15:03That little thing.
15:05Because there can be no proof if you say, you know, I am a fearless man.
15:11How can it be proven to you that you are not fearless?
15:15That's something internal.
15:17And in absence of honesty, you can continue nourishing your illusions.
15:22And keep telling yourself, I am fearless, I am fearless, I am fearless.
15:26If you say, you don't have fever.
15:29The doctor here can prove to you that you have fever.
15:32Right?
15:33But if you say, you don't have fear.
15:35How will I prove to you that you have fear?
15:38Maybe.
15:39Maybe.
15:40I can display that you are afraid in some situation.
15:44But you can come up with an argument.
15:46And say, no, no, no.
15:47This I was doing just to please you.
15:49Just to humor you.
15:50I was not actually afraid.
15:53I was afraid by mistake.
15:56And even if I am afraid.
16:00That's not my fault.
16:01I have been taught to be afraid.
16:02So that means I am not afraid.
16:04I have been taught to be afraid.
16:05You can come up with any kinds of smart or cunning arguments.
16:09Therefore, what you need is honesty.
16:13Otherwise, there can be all kinds of devices and pretenses.
16:17And we are masters at it.
16:21Try telling somebody the truth.
16:24And the kind of resistance you get is bewildering.
16:29Anything can be accepted.
16:31But truth is greeted with colossal resistance.
16:35And such arguments, you will be confounded.
16:39I mean, you might start thinking, maybe there is a point there.
16:43The fellow might be an idiot.
16:46But when it comes to defending his falsenesses,
16:49he becomes the wisest, the smartest man possible.
16:57Want to awaken somebody's potential?
17:00Make them resist the truth.
17:02And they will give it everything they have.
17:10Be with yourself.
17:12Just honestly.
17:15Just honestly.
17:17Just honestly.
17:19And to be inspired to do that.
17:23And to believe that it can be done.
17:26Read about people who live that way.
17:29Or if you are very lucky, live with people who live that way.
17:34Usually we are not that lucky.
17:36So read about such people.
17:38Therefore, great literature is very important.
17:42Be alright with yourself.
17:48Be alright with yourself.
17:49I am not saying you must not take others' opinions or feedbacks.
17:52That's alright.
17:53But the primary judge must sit within.
17:58You need not look at yourself through others' eyes.
18:02The inner eye must be one's own.
18:04And that's all.
18:05And that's all.
18:11Definitely oops.
18:19You
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