He is living proof that things can get better 💛 If you’re struggling, please talk to someone.

Lottie Margot

Watch He is living proof that things can get better 💛 If you’re struggling, please talk to someone. - Lottie Margot on Dailymotion

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00:00I put a shotgun in my mouth and I pulled the trigger.

00:03Why? Why did I do this? This is awful.

00:05This is the most horrendous thing I've ever been through.

00:07My name is Joshua and I am a survivor of a violent attack.

00:14I felt a drowning sensation. I felt very cold.

00:17The ground in front of me felt very wet.

00:19I started banging on the wall and I called throughout the jaw that was hanging off.

00:23I called for my brother. I said, Anthony, Anthony.

00:26He opened the door and then he got on the phone with the proper authorities right away,

00:31which talked him through, holding my face closed enough to where I can get through.

00:36Paramedics showed up. They intubated me. They got me to the first hospital.

00:40They stabilized me. They flown me to the second hospital, which saved my life.

00:44The horror of that night still lingers on with him, which begs the question of why did he do it?

00:49My parents, because they are addicts, they would give me drugs as well,

00:53whether they be muscle relaxers or painkillers or ADHD medication like amphetamines.

00:59I was given that at 13, 14 years old.

01:01Years later, he joined the army, hoping to find a sense of purpose, but things went wrong fast.

01:06I get kicked out of the army and I'm just broken.

01:09So I spent four years on a wish with multiple attempts of my own life,

01:13living on the street where I see the most horrific s*** to man.

01:17And then I'm living with my parents from back at their house.

01:20It's the day before Thanksgiving and I relapsed.

01:23And I'm thinking I'm done struggling with addiction.

01:25I'm done being a failure. I'm done being a bad son.

01:28I'm done being a bad brother.

01:30I would rather not be here than keep causing everybody pain.

01:33So that's when I made the choice to do it.

01:35That night left him scarred for life and the guilt never stopped clawing at him.

01:39Surviving hurts, not when surviving hurts.

01:42And then you have to wake up and you have to watch your mom come in the room with a look on her face.

01:48And you know she's being tough.

01:50And then you have to go home and you have to see your dad and your brother for the first time.

01:54The brother that just cleaned up your remains and tore up with the carpet and burned it out front.

01:58You have to look at all these people.

01:59You have to have conversations with them after.

02:02Conversations that hurt.

02:03And you have to get a call from every family member ever.

02:05Varying from, don't you ever do that.

02:07But again, hey man, I love you more than this earth.

02:10Please never get to that point again.

02:12If you ever need me, I'm here for you.

02:14That's what hurts.

02:15After spending years facing his own demons, he's now using his platform to help others not make the same mistake he did.

02:21Let's say you're thinking about doing the same thing.

02:23I have a few questions to ask you, good sir.

02:26And that is, who's going to clean up the mess?

02:28Always be thoughtful of that.

02:30Second of all, what's it going to solve?

02:32And you might think, oh, it's going to solve everything.

02:34I'm no longer going to feel these emotions.

02:36I'm no longer going to feel worthless, sad, pathetic.

02:40Yeah, you may be right.

02:42But if you end it now, end the chance of it ever getting better.

02:47And let's say you do get better.

02:49And then you get to help the next person who's feeling the way you are.

02:52Dude, it is your duty to stay here, my friend.

02:55Please stay with us.

02:56Please wait for it to get better.

02:58It'll never get better.

02:59You don't know that.

03:00You don't read the future.

03:01So my friend, please stay here with us.

03:05You don't know.

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