00:00What are you up to now, Chuck?
00:01Well, the new 5-hour energy holiday flavors have got me in the spirit, so I'm decorating the studio!
00:08Oh, I see. So, Thanksgiving, cranberry lime, Christmas is the gingerbread snap, but what about Halloween?
00:13POP KIT'S MICE!
00:25Are monkeys with herpes on the loose?
00:28A lot of monkey news lately.
00:30There has been a lot of monkey news, and that's why I questioned this story.
00:32Just yesterday, we did a story where fake AI monkeys were being reported in New Jersey.
00:37Yes.
00:38Made the news.
00:39Causing panic in the streets.
00:40So then, this story comes out that a trailer filled with monkeys overturned.
00:46Monkeys infected with HIV.
00:49Monkeys infected with COVID.
00:52Okay.
00:53Monkeys infected with herpes, and they've taken to the streets.
00:57Oh, my God.
00:58Turns out this one's true.
01:00What?
01:03Turns out this one...
01:04Oh, yeah, that's life.
01:05...is true.
01:06Yeah.
01:07There's real...
01:08...carry hep C, herpes, COVID, HIV.
01:13So we've...
01:14...at least one is still on the loose.
01:16Okay.
01:17So we've juiced them all up, testing everything on them.
01:20Oh, now they say rises to three.
01:21Okay.
01:22Okay.
01:23Let's get a quick update here.
01:25Breaking news, I guess.
01:26W-A-P-T.
01:27Well, a monkey carrying several conditions is still on the loose this morning after escaping
01:32from its handlers in Jasper County following a crash.
01:36Oh, there is.
01:37We got 21 monkeys that was on this truck.
01:40We got five of them on the run.
01:43And that was dispatch audio on Tuesday as deputies with the Jasper County Sheriff's Office
01:48were called out.
01:49The truck was transporting the monkeys from the Tulane University when it overturned on
01:54Interstate 59 north of Heidelberg.
01:56The sheriff says six of the 21 monkeys on the truck broke away.
02:00In a statement, PETA said the escape is the risk of what the organization calls the, quote,
02:05greedy monkey experimentation industry.
02:08So they had said earlier that it was just one monkey, but now it looks like that number
02:14has risen to three.
02:15They wouldn't have lied to us about the number of crazy monkeys that are loose with all sorts
02:20of diseases, would they?
02:21They are warning they are dangerous to humans.
02:24I guess it's hard to find people to transport them after they're at the university being
02:30studied or whatever.
02:31And then you got to take a couple of these eight monkeys.
02:34I guess so.
02:35Why not?
02:36I got a truck.
02:37I put them in the back.
02:39You take, they got everything.
02:40They got her.
02:41They got.
02:42They got HIV.
02:44They got syphilis.
02:46They got everything.
02:48That's fine.
02:49Load them on up as high as you can stack them.
02:51Okay.
02:52I hope I don't crash.
02:53I've been drinking all day.
02:54You'd have to be to be transporting experimentals.
02:56Oh my God.
02:57I just got a truck full of AIDS monkeys.
02:58Everything.
02:59All in the back.
03:00I got a bunch of herpes, AIDS, herpes, AIDS, syphilis.
03:05Ain't nothing.
03:06Ain't nothing.
03:07They got it all.
03:08They're monkeys.
03:09Ain't nothing.
03:10They're monkeys, but they're crazy.
03:11They got after it.
03:12They got after it.
03:13They got after it.
03:14Hep C.
03:15They got Hep C.
03:16Yeah, they got Hep C.
03:17All of it.
03:18All of it.
03:19A, B, C, E, F, G, H, I, K.
03:22I don't know.
03:23Whatever.
03:24It's the alphabet.
03:25Whatever it is.
03:26Just reading the alphabet.
03:27Yeah.
03:28That's what they got.
03:29They got it all, but they loose now.
03:31Listen, there's one loose as far as I know.
03:34No, they now say three.
03:35One.
03:36One.
03:37Oh, wait.
03:38Look.
03:39There's three over there.
03:40There's now three loose.
03:42That's it.
03:43That's all I know.
03:44I don't even know how many monkeys I had in the first place.
03:46Dispatcher, are you trusting this guy?
03:48Did you hear him?
03:49No.
03:50Are you kidding?
03:51We got 21 monkeys that was on this truck.
03:54We got five of them on the run.
03:57That's the guy?
03:59That's the guy in the church?
04:00It looks like we got about 400.
04:02What?
04:03I don't know.
04:04Four to a hundred different monkeys.
04:05What?
04:06Four to a hundred?
04:07Yeah, like either four or also possibly a hundred.
04:10No, it can't be.
04:11There's gotta be.
04:12Monkeys all over the place.
04:13No.
04:14I can't tell.
04:15I don't know.
04:16It's a long grass.
04:17It's a long grass and the monkeys are small.
04:18They're in there somewhere.
04:19Oh, look.
04:20What?
04:21There's a monkey over there.
04:22No.
04:23You just said there was three.
04:24We got at least five to one hundred monkeys.
04:26No.
04:27Five to one hundred.
04:28The guy doesn't know how many monkeys was in his truck.
04:30It was a pickup truck.
04:31What do they have again?
04:32It was snapped like Sanford and Son to the moon.
04:34What do they have again?
04:35They've got AIDS.
04:36They've got herpes.
04:37They've got syphilis.
04:38They've got gonorrhea.
04:40They've got a cold.
04:41They've got COVID.
04:42They have a cold?
04:43They've got the flu.
04:44No.
04:45IBS.
04:46Irritable bowel syndrome?
04:47They do.
04:48They're cropping everywhere.
04:49Oh, my God.
04:50From what I can tell, it smells to high hail over here.
04:53They've got a rash.
04:54They have eczema.
04:55Oh, no.
04:56Skin diseases too.
04:57They've got all of it.
04:58Alpecia.
04:59Oh, man.
05:00They've got lupus.
05:02Lupus.
05:03You gave them everything.
05:04We shot them up.
05:05They apparently tested everything.
05:07They only had a few monkeys, like about five, between five and a hundred of them.
05:13What?
05:14And they shot them up with everything you could ever.
05:16They've got cancer.
05:17They've got AIDS.
05:18Oh, my God.
05:19That's right.
05:20I know.
05:21It's crazy.
05:22Radiation poisoning.
05:23How are they living?
05:24They're not good.
05:25It ain't good out here.
05:26They're just foaming at the mouth.
05:28They are pissed.
05:29Oh, my God.
05:30Look out.
05:31Look out.
05:32Look out the monkey.
05:33Okay.
05:34He went the other way.
05:35We went, whew.
05:36That's six.
05:37We got between six and one hundred monkeys on the loose.
05:40Did you touch any of the monkeys?
05:41Hell no.
05:42I ain't touching no God damn monkey.
05:45Are you insane?
05:46They got AIDS.
05:47They got syphilis.
05:48They got herpes.
05:49They got...
05:50They got gonorrhea.
05:52They got the cleft.
05:54What else do they got?
05:56Cancer, I guess you said.
05:58They got seasonal affective disorder.
06:00They got...
06:01Herpes.
06:02Hep C.
06:03All sorts of stuff.
06:04They got depression.
06:05They're depressed too?
06:06They're depressed.
06:07No.
06:08Yeah.
06:09They got it all, man.
06:10They got it all.
06:11At least they're not diabetic.
06:12They're diabetic too.
06:13Type one.
06:14Type two.
06:15Type three.
06:16Type four.
06:17Oh, my God.
06:18All the types.
06:19Those types you never knew even happened, but we gave them to these monkeys, man.
06:22Holy smokes.
06:23They're looking for chocolate.
06:24They're looking for chocolate.
06:25That's it.
06:26They're looking.
06:27They can't.
06:28They're starving too, man.
06:29They're starving.
06:30Oh, there's another one.
06:32We got between seven and 100 monkeys on the loose out here.
06:35You better get to safety, man.
06:36Get to safety.
06:37I'm in my truck, man.
06:38I ain't getting out of this truck.
06:40Are you insane?
06:41It's on its side, though.
06:42There's monkeys outside with AIDS and cancer and gonorrhea.
06:46I ain't getting any of that stuff.
06:47You.
06:48High as hell.
06:49Oh, my God.
06:50A monkey is getting high right now.
06:51No.
06:52How did they get me?
06:53A monkey is also an addict.
06:54They're all addicts.
06:55They're addicted.
06:56They're addicted to crap.
06:57They're addicted to meth.
06:58Oh, my God.
06:59They're addicted to cocaine.
07:00Holy smokes.
07:01They love it.
07:02There's one monkey I'm looking at.
07:05Between eight and ten monkeys, one of the monkeys is doing a lot of coke.
07:10No.
07:11Where do you get coke from out in the middle of nowhere?
07:12Probably the driver.
07:13Honestly, if I had to isolate it.
07:14That's you?
07:15No.
07:16No.
07:17Hell no.
07:18I'm just a dispatcher, baby.
07:19I'm just out here reporting on all this stuff.
07:22I ain't getting out.
07:23I ain't transporting no AIDS monkeys with cancer and gonorrhea and syphilis.
07:28The common cold.
07:32COVID.
07:33Common cold's a bit much.
07:34Why?
07:35We gave them the common cold.
07:36We hope to God we cure that.
07:38I hate the sniffles.
07:39They got allergies.
07:40They're allergic to all sorts of stuff out here.
07:42Oh, my God.
07:43Those poor monkeys.
07:44Their life sucks.
07:45Their life sucks.
07:46Yep.
07:47Anyway.
07:48That's something.
07:49I'll let you know if anything changes here.
07:51Okay.
07:52Thank you so much.
07:53Listen.
07:54If anyone calls, just tell them that to only one monkey.
07:56Just one?
07:57Are we saying just one?
07:58Just one.
07:59One's on the loose.
08:00Don't tell them because they got an AIDS thing on the right.
08:01We don't want people to freak out.
08:03People are already freaking out.
08:05Yeah.
08:06Okay.
08:07All right, man.
08:09Bye.
08:10But.
08:11There you go, dispatcher on the scene of the monkey escape.
08:15Yep.
08:16That's wild.
08:17What a wild tail is again.
08:18I thought it was fake.
08:20It had to be fake.
08:21Right?
08:22It sounds fake.
08:23But it's real.
08:24Come on.
08:25You're all twisted and in.
08:26You all twisted, I've gotten.
08:27No.
