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00:00I'm Ben Stein. I'm Jimmy Kimmel. And you are watching Comedy Central. I love you.
00:07Hello, I'm Ben Stein and today I'm going to make history. I'm putting up five thousand dollars that
00:20says I know more than you. So if you're smart enough, fast enough, and if you've got the guts,
00:27you can win Ben Stein's money. And now, he's not gay, he's just dressed that way. Ben Stein!
00:48Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. But no one has ears cuter than my co-host,
00:56Jimmy Kimmel. Thanks, Ben. It's our Halloween show, you know. I was told it was the Easter
01:05program. Well, you're welcome. It's a Halloween show. And though it's no treat for me, I'm putting
01:13$5,000 in five Roman money online and giving these barbarians, these Gothic barbarians,
01:22a chance to take it all away from me if they're smart enough, quick enough, and lucky enough.
01:26Jimmy, who are these strangers? That is a good question because they're even stranger
01:32today than usual. Aaron Morris is a student. Where are you student, Aaron?
01:36Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. Yeah, and what do you dress, what are you, the Rocky Horror guy?
01:42Rocky Horror. Oh yeah, you're that scary bold guy.
01:45Yep. And what, you play him in a cast of some kind for real?
01:49Yep, it's called the Zen Room cast. We're a club on campus. We perform it like every once in a while.
01:56They're still doing that crap, huh? Yep. Yeah. All right. All right, Aaron, we'll try to bring
02:02you back to life and we'll move on to Susan. Susan Fox Davis is a, what are you, a court jester?
02:09I'm an unemployed jester. I'm nobody's fool.
02:15You get that off a bumper sticker on the way over? All right. And Susan is a news service editor
02:21who met her husband at a science fantasy convention. Very nice. Very nice.
02:26I'm in a rabbit suit, Ben. I know, you look cute. Thank you. All right.
02:31Babes love the hairy ones. Jim Taylor is a... Captain. Captain Jim.
02:36I'm sorry, Captain Jim. He's a method pirate. He's a TV and film editor
02:43and is attempting to see every national park monument and historical site in America.
02:50Good idea. Really? How many have you seen?
02:52Oh, at least half of them. Oh, really? Yeah.
02:55Have you been to Dollywood? Dollywood? No. That's a must. I think you've got to stop
03:00by there. I've heard there. Yeah. All right. Well, welcome.
03:02Contestants, good luck. You're going to need it now. In most shows of our shows,
03:06if you answer a question with a question, you get a dunce gap. This show's different.
03:13Now, everyone, please turn your attention to our game board as Jimmy tells us our first five topics.
03:18And they are football coaches who taste like fish. You go, girl. The first Greek panty raid. Goodbye, yellow brick toad. And another guy who could only keep it up for 12 seconds.
03:37Contestants, in the first round, questions are worth anywhere from $50 to $150 of my money. Every time you manage to answer a question correctly, you win money and I lose it. We're going to start with you, Susan. Nobody's fool. Pick a topic.
03:53Goodbye, yellow brick toad. I did it. I did it. Oh, no.
04:00Okay. Okay. All right, Susan. That's okay. We all make sense. Susan, you don't have a banana under your bed by any chance, do you?
04:10I'm just glad to see you.
04:12$150 question. Name the popular amphibious British dish made with sausages or other meat covered with batter and oven baked.
04:22Susan. Toad in the hole.
04:24Very good. Very good. Now, Susan, because you got that, you get first track and a follow-up for $50.
04:32In France, what popular dish is called Les Couss de Grenouille?
04:38Les Couss de Grenouille is frog's legs.
04:42Very good. Very good.
04:45Susan, with the French.
04:48Our next category is the Jailhouse Ways and Means Committee. And Susan, who gets picked.
04:56The first Greek panty raid.
04:59$100 question. What Greek figure was ordered to fetch the girdle of Hippolyte as one of his labors?
05:07Jim.
05:08Hercules.
05:09Hercules, indeed. Well done.
05:11Now, Jim, Jim, how many labors was Hercules commanded to complete?
05:16Seven.
05:17No, I'm sorry. Susan.
05:19Twelve.
05:20Twelve, indeed. Very good.
05:22Now, before I lose any more cash, it's time to take a break.
05:28Ouch!
05:30And we'll be back to see how much more money these Huns can take away from me right after this.
05:36Yeah!
05:37Yeah!
05:42On an all-new South Park, the townspeople gear up for their annual rite of passage.
05:46Cow days is when we all get together to thank the noble animal that provides most of our lives. Release the cow!
05:52It's man pitted against beast. Catch a new episode of South Park, Wednesday at 10, only on Comedy Central.
05:57The Daily Show gets deep inside some of America's greatest icons.
06:01If the president said to me, give me a bit of oral, I'd say, yeah, why not?
06:08The Daily Show, every Monday through Thursday at 11, only at Comedy Central.
06:12Honda recommends you rotate every 7,500 miles.
06:39Line of the ninth, Moppy at the plate, and here's the penalty.
06:46Well, the pitch hasn't processed yet.
06:59Now, this slow-processing thing is a tough break for this young kid.
07:06Time for a Pentium II processor.
07:08It was one of those moments in life you want to keep.
07:16My husband thought he was getting dinner.
07:19My daughter, a new friend.
07:23Time to drink the lobster!
07:25When the moment came, I didn't have to worry about the light being low.
07:30That's my laughter!
07:31Or them turning out blurry because they were moving.
07:33With Kodak Maxx, I knew I'd get my picture.
07:36Low light, sunlight, action or still, Kodak Maxx is all you need to know about film.
07:43For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.
07:50For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.
07:54In sickness and in health.
07:56For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.
08:01and in health and in health your health and your financial security at aetna our focus is helping
08:10you with what matters most 88 years ago pc richard opened his first store and became the proud father
08:18of a son aj richard we have been around for over 89 years when it comes to honesty integrity and
08:26reliability you can't wish it you gotta earn it when you're in front of the product you purchase
08:32we're standing behind you you'll enjoy life more when you shop at pc rich we salute aj richard richard
08:41is reliable no spare tire no spare hey we're saved thought you got turned out for a cellular bad credit
08:51no credit no problem this is a track phone it's a prepaid cellular so you can't be turned down
08:57prepaid cellular yeah you pay as you go the rates are low and the airtime never expires there's no
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09:08and you get a local phone number wherever you live sounds like a good deal
09:20hail caesar we're back i'll have some honey mustard actually instead we're back with more of win
09:26my ben stein's money right now susan is in the lead with 250 of my money jimmy what's our new topic
09:34i don't know but my cotton tail is jamming up my ass
09:40our new topic is homicide life on the street of the persian gulf and susan you have the last correct
09:46dancer so you get to pick first another guy who could only keep it up for 12 seconds hundred
09:52dollar question on december 17 1903 the first successful airplane flight lasted approximately 12
09:59seconds name the pilot of this historic event jim right uh judges more specific orval very good very good
10:08so name the german count who took his self-named airship on its historic first flight on july 2
10:201900 zeppelin very good very good our next category my bison thought the cowboy looked cute in his jeans
10:36jim football coaches who taste like fish hundred dollar question which nfl coach is affectionately known
10:43as the tuna jim bill parcells yes bill parcells what team did bill parcells leave in 1997 to coach the new
10:56york jets new england patriots very good all right we have less than two minutes left in this round and
11:06our next category is angola's with dirty faces and jim you get the shoes again my bison my by son thought
11:14the cowboy looked cute in his jeans fifty dollar question by what name is the american bison commonly
11:21known jim buffalo buffalo indeed
11:27fifty dollar follow-up everybody or jim first and then everybody else what wyoming city shares its
11:33name with the last name of the famous american buffalo bill cody cody cody whoa this guy is hot
11:41not just another buccaneer smart buccaneer our next category is start spreading the nudes
11:51i'm gonna go with yugo girl 50 question in 1985 what country introduced the yugo automobile to the united
11:58united states for under four thousand dollars aaron yugoslavia very good
12:07fifty dollar follow-up what south korean car company entered the u.s market in 1986 with its 49.95
12:14excel hyundai very good very good oh that was a luxury vehicle our next category is for an extra dollar
12:2450 you get a foot with disorder and you get to choose a category i'll take homicide life on the
12:31street of the persian gulf 150 question with an estimated 10 of the world's oil reserves what northern
12:38persian gulf country has one of the highest per capita incomes on earth aaron saudi arabia no
12:44gulf country has one of the highest per capita incomes on earth and that is the end of the first
12:53round jim you've got five hundred dollars of ben's money you're going to stick around a while
13:01well it's back to the land of the dead for aaron i'm afraid customarily the romans would fall upon their
13:08swords if they did not win but this isn't rome and we don't have any pizza here or anything like
13:15that and we all use deodorants so what the heck aaron you've only managed to take a hundred dollars
13:21for me that means we have to say goodbye but it's been a pleasure having you on our show we hope you'll
13:25come back in future years hundred dollars goes back there and now when we come back these two crude
13:33pirates and fools are going to try to get deeper into my wallet and i will defend my money by actually
13:38becoming a contestant stay tuned you might learn something
13:49bob and margaret married 17 years and still openly discussing their sex life so sorry are you you
13:55unable to bear is your wife infertile or is it that you have lazy spurt bob and margaret a couple you'll
14:00want to watch in bed every monday at 10 30 only at comedy central it's deadly and devious hilariously
14:08likable crazy a sharp-edged comedy with twists and laughs could you not poke the body with a stick
14:15please play pigeons rated r now playing must see tv monica and chandler have kept their romance a secret
14:24until this one little slip up uh chandler how are you gonna get out of this
14:35nice save always a pleasure and crazier's first job interview get the name right i'm stephen rugley mr
14:42rug mr rugg mr rugg mr rugg
14:46only must see tv on nbc oh folks i've got some news for you not that headline stuff but real news
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15:00cheaper than a sack of nuts and it's just 10 cents for each minute over 20. how just dial 10 10 220.
15:06even ed can do it just dial 10 10 220 then one in the number no fees no contracts it's about
15:13communicating up to 20 minutes of it for only 99 cents dial 10 10 220. hi i'm josey bissett and you're
15:21watching comedy central so this must be the place it's time to find out how smart ben really is as we play
15:32more of win ben stein's money
15:34that means hail caesar we who are about to die salute you welcome back as this round begins jim the
15:50pirate and a real pirate oh okay fine has 500 of my money his sword is plastic and susan has 400 of
16:00my money and i have a mere 4 100 for many of my original 5 000 which i will now defend by becoming
16:07a common contestant all right this is the part of our halloween show where we tell everybody that ben
16:14does not get the answers to the questions ahead of time right ben i don't know a damn thing and i'm also
16:20sorry to say the questions this round have risen sadistically to the range of 200 to 500 of my money
16:27that's if you get them right if i get them right my total stays the same but thankfully none of my
16:32money is taken away and whoever has the highest score at the end of this round jim susan goes on
16:37to play against ben one-on-one for five thousand dollars and the other it's a delicious carrot
16:45i'd take the carrot all right let's check out our topics they are
16:48italian dishes saucer than marissa tomei my chicken pox flew the croup
16:57other positions your wife won't try i'm gonna put you over my knee and give you a nanking you'll never
17:04forget and step eat kick damn it i'm a dancer not an l.a cop
17:10i'll try i'm gonna put you over my knee and give you a nanking you'll never forget all right
17:19negotiated by secretary of state john milton hay i got carrot in my mouth what policy refers to the
17:25principle of equal trading rights in china during the late 1800s jim open door policy that's right
17:32jim we got our door open to the chinese at all times our next category is genetically engineered
17:43fruit other than bruce the gay robot jim i'm gonna go italian dishes saucier than marissa tomei for 300
17:51dollars if you're in italy having some orzo what kind of food are you eating susan pasta pasta is
17:58correct yes really if you're anywhere you can go as well you're having pasta and our next category
18:04is agnes of god's singing group susan let's do that agnes of god's singing group for 200 in 1996
18:14agnes grossman became the first female conductor of what angelic sounding european male singing group
18:20ben the london boys choir no minuto the vienna boys you know the kids without the nuts our next
18:33category is miniature golf makes my putts look big and susan genetically engineered fruit other than
18:43bruce the grit the gay robot all right for 300 the flavor saver the first genetically engineered food
18:49approved for sale by the fda was what kind of vine ripened plant jim grape nope susan tomato you say
18:59that i'd say tomato but that's correct yes all right and our new category is live from york it's saturday
19:10night we have less than a minute left in the round live from york it's saturday night for 300 equivalent
19:16tonight what is the official title of a female member of the order of the british empire jim nave
19:23no ben dame dame is right yeah there ain't nothing like a dame
19:29dame's got no real power though our next category if you're gonna invade me stay till i'm finished
19:3710. i'll try that one all right why not for 300 known as the winter war what country fought finland from
19:45november 1939 to march 1940 ben soviet union that's correct yes all right one more category
19:58rousseau glad we had this time together i'll try rousseau glad we had this time together for 500
20:05of ben's money if led by theodore rousseau what school of french landscape painters began in 1830
20:12ben impressionists no jim naturalists no communists i don't know very good was it communists no it's the
20:23barbazon school i thought that was like a school for restaurant modeling too i think not the same place
20:31though and that sound means this round is over susan congratulations you stick it out you've got a
20:35thousand dollars of ben star's money and that means it's time for jim to walk the plank
20:48never mind jim you've been a worthy competitor and you were really kicking some major booty in the
20:54round first round but you i'm afraid are now history although a very glorious part of history and since
21:00you're leaving i can take your money and peel it back up onto the board and now when we come back
21:08we're going to see how nobody's fool matches up with me when the big money's on the line
21:13stay tuned you won't want to miss it to celebrate the release of a night at the roxbury comedy
21:24central will present six episodes of saturday night live on recent seasons i finally made it to basic
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21:34time plus two extra episodes wednesday at eight alarm it's deadly and devious hilariously likable
21:41crazy a sharp-edged comedy with twists and laughs could you not poke the body with a stick please
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23:55portable audio and car audio every cellular phone and home computer that's no interest until january 1999
24:01with a pc richard credit card if the founders want sale at pc richard and son be there
24:06we were wondering is it because for 20 years we've been meeting your needs or because we stock the
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24:27know who to trust 1-800 mattress and leave the last s off for savings
24:47congratulations susan as we swear upon this sacred sword of thought
24:54so far you've taken a thousand dollars away from me and that's yours and now you have a chance
25:00i'll be at a smaller one walk out of here with all five thousand dollars and my gosh
25:06the easter halloween
25:10and all you have to do is beat me although i do want to warn you that i get a little upset when i do
25:15lose all you have to do is beat me what we call the best of ten test of knowledge could you explain
25:19to the group please easter bunny jimmy want to nibble on my carrot you big gladiator
25:26looks okay okay thanks i'll tell you this i'm gonna ask ben and susan the same ten questions susan
25:34if you can answer more of them than ben can my goodness you're short you will go home with his
25:39five thousand dollars my goodness you're ugly thank you susan ben can i have the sword
25:44all right susan you go first or second which will it be first get in there then get in
25:53all right then you better get in there too
25:57susan i'd poke you with that sword you'll be flying around this studio for weeks
26:02all right let's see if i can get these out of the envelope all right susan uh you have
26:0810 questions and 60 seconds to answer them are you ready i am ready all right bunnies have trouble
26:16with pens it seems all right let's begin then multi-billionaire bill gates dropped out of what
26:21university to start microsoft pass going in terms of population what is the largest city in spain
26:29madrid yes name the 1857 supreme court decision which held that negroes were not citizens of the u.s
26:35i don't know what american is credited with inventing the first practical machine gun in 1862
26:44um
26:47i don't know coined by freud what psychoanalytical term defines the sexual instinct or sexual drive
26:55just about everything in the famous shakespeare play who is the tragic life of othello
27:00desdemona yes senate majority leader trent lott represents what state
27:08new jersey no what famous highway extends 1523 miles from fairbanks to dawson creek
27:13the uh trans canadian air no no wow you really are a fool susan uh you only got two right the ones
27:24you missed were uh harvard's where bill gates dropped out of the dred scott decision richard gatling invented
27:30the machine gun uh libido is the sexual drive trent lotts from mississippi the alaska highway looking
27:36before we didn't get to the last two all right now let's see if ben can beat that
27:43all right gotta talk to my agent
27:48all right ben the number you have to beat is two young man sir how are you great
27:55two can you do it all right let's begin multi-billionaire bill gates dropped out of
28:01what university to start microsoft stanford no in terms of population what is the largest city in
28:06spain madrid yes namely 1857 supreme court decision which held that negroes were not citizens of the
28:12u.s dred scott yes what american is credited with inventing the first practical machine gun in 1862
28:19gatling yes coined by freud what psychoanalytical term defines the sexual instinct or sexual drive
28:26uh the uh the libido yes in the famous shakespeare play who is the tragic wife of othello a desdemona
28:33yes senate majority leader trent lott represents what state mississippi yes what famous highway extends
28:391523 miles from fairbanks to dawson creek the uh ketchikan highway no what russian-born gangster teamed
28:46with bugsy siegel to form murder incorporated um uh uh uh jake jake uh i don't know again no in what
28:54century was joan of arc burned at the stake uh uh 15th yes 15th is correct you got seven right and
29:01that's plenty to beat the court jester come on out of the booth susan
29:07susan i'm very relieved you did not get my five thousand dollars and therefore i do not have to
29:13slay you or myself however i am somewhat humbled you're going to be working out of here with a thousand
29:17dollars of my money
29:21hail caesar eisner this means that today i've managed to successfully defend four thousand dollars of my
29:27money which i will use to take on my next opponents and we're out of time till next time when i give
29:31three more people a chance to win ben stein's money
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29:55up next is the show that needs no introduction but we'll give you one anyway saturday night live is next
30:17night live is next
30:30hi i'm molly shannon and you're watching comedy central so huh
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