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  • 3 months ago
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00:00I am so obsessed with this show. I think it was so, so interesting to watch each person's journey
00:05and particularly yours. You know, when it was pitched to you, was it an immediate yes? Or did
00:10you have to think about it for a while? No, I definitely didn't think about it a while,
00:14you know, Dr. Terry, and I didn't know Michelle was going to be there. But
00:19just the entire experience of being able to re approach and rethink beauty standards is
00:27something that I'm very much into. There was a lot of heavy stuff going on this season,
00:31but you were still able to bring like lighthearted comedic tones to scenes, especially when you were,
00:37you know, in your scenes with Dr. Dubrow. What was it like to work with him?
00:43He's so, he's literally like the funny, I could tell like the, that someone like me could make
00:49him feel uncomfortable. So I was like, you know what, let me take him out of his comfort zone of
00:53like, I know exactly how to perform miracles on you and just pull him out and be a little more
00:58lighthearted with him. Because when he laughs, it's just like he can light up a room.
01:03They had such a great trio kind of helping you guys work through everything.
01:08It was a very healthy, safe environment. And on a show that's dealing with topics that are as big
01:15as beauty standards. And a lot of times there's trauma behind a lot of that sometimes very serious
01:22trauma. You really have to be in safe environments. And I think that this show didn't did the best
01:28job I've ever seen at creating a safe environment for the cast. And I've been on a lot of reality
01:34TV shows and I haven't seen safety in a long time. So it was refreshing.
01:40As you were filming the show, Diddy was arrested.
01:42He got arrested. I can't believe it.
01:45The first man that ever thought I was a star in my life gave me my career, made me a platinum
01:52selling artist. I didn't end up getting to be the human I probably was very capable of being
01:59because he told the world something and everybody ran with it.
02:02And shortly before the show premiered, his trial was happening. Would you say that what you learned
02:07in the retreat helped you in any way as the trial dominated the news cycle earlier this summer?
02:12And if so, how?
02:14Well, I ended up having to cover it for iHeartRadio. So I was in New York live covering the trial,
02:20which was a whole different experience than the other victims that I know, other people that I
02:25know that were involved in his enterprise that tried to tune it out or were able to tune it out.
02:33I didn't get relief from it for many months. The outcome was disappointing, to say the least.
02:42In the show, you talk about how abuse led you and some of your other co-stars as well
02:47to cosmetic procedures. What does it feel like to finally take that power back?
02:52One thing I want to be clear about it, I'm not sure if the show described that or this or not,
02:57but you go in and get whatever you get done. You choose to do that. It's the industry and the
03:05standards, powerful men, the way that women understand. We are mirrored back by the people
03:13in society that look at us most. That happens to be men. Our understanding of our value comes through
03:19a man's eyes, usually at a young age. And we're very socialized in our country, specifically as women
03:26in many different areas. I mean, we don't even have full rights and equality in that legally.
03:34So there are a lot of things as women that we go through. The industry just puts it all on steroids
03:38times a few other hard drugs, ketamine and whatever else. It's just a really hard dose of like
03:47having to move quick and having to move at the snap of powerful men or from a man's perspective
03:56of what a woman should be. And that's why you saw a lot of us in that show discussing those types of
04:01traumas that led each of us to then go in and get procedures. Nobody forced us into doctor rooms.
04:08There are men that do that. However, did he know, according to Cassie's testimony being one of them,
04:14you know, I don't have a family. Um, my dogs can't talk or they probably would have been warning me
04:20earlier on. But, um, you know, I was just, I, I see myself back through the eyes of the doctor then
04:28who's telling me, Oh, more of this would be look so great. And you just don't realize how much you're
04:32overdoing it until you're able to be in the hands of proper professionals.
04:37I do want to talk about your conversation with Kathy, you know, it seemed like you kind of went
04:41into that conversation thinking you two could almost bond over this shared experience of working
04:46under these powerful men who've been accused of abuse. You quickly became discouraged when she
04:50started defending Hugh Hefner. My heart is getting discouraged talking to Kathy because she's making
04:58me feel like I'm going to end up just like her at her age, normalizing abusers and saying things like
05:06women of your generation are kind of asking for it. God. What's going through your mind at that
05:15moment? Well, I was specifically triggered that day because, um, you know, there's a group of
05:22journalists and people that, uh, all had kind of a tight relationship. Once Homeland Security started
05:29reaching out and speaking to different people, all kinds of different people, lawyers, et cetera.
05:34And there were all kinds of conversations happening. And like, you know, if it wasn't going to happen
05:40soon, it wasn't looking like it was going to happen. And there was like a lot of disappointment
05:46in the air that day. And then to go into scene with this new woman that just came in and she just
05:52starts, you know, saying a bunch of things that were highly triggering on a day that I really thought
05:58justice was just not possible. And I've lived my whole life and I've received a lot of blacklisting,
06:04a lot of, of opportunities gone right out the door. The second that he said, you're fired
06:14and then said for being raunchy and promiscuous, which now I think the whole world understands if I
06:22were and had been at that time, he would have loved me. Those types of things opened the door to then
06:26I didn't have, I had people that said they wanted to sign me. You're the biggest thing in music
06:31would have me come in, sing, perform, do all kinds of ritualistic shit. And then be like,
06:36Oh, I just got a call. Like, I can't touch you. Sorry. Like it was all these things just to like
06:42humiliate me. And the next guy through the door was Hugh Hefner that told me did he's nothing.
06:47He's not even really known. I'll open the doors for you in all kinds of different ways.
06:51And I moved on to the next person who yes, was accused, unfortunately passed. So we didn't get to
06:58see any fruition of that. Not like fruition is that great nowadays. Um, but you know,
07:04I think that I spent a lot of my life and a lot of lost and missed opportunities and I'm a really
07:11smart girl and I'm really deserving. I'm a good person. I treat people good and I know how to do
07:17what I do very well in every area. So it was a loss for what I could have brought to the table and
07:22many situations. They said the glass ceiling in my mom's day and age. I don't think they use that
07:28term as much anymore, but literally like, I felt like at one point, many points in my career that
07:34I'm just running up against walls and I'm like super fearless. I'll knock it down. I'll face whoever
07:42is on the other side. If my friends can't do it, or these people are scared, put me in coach. I got it.
07:47And those are the type of people they definitely don't want having any voice because those are the
07:52people that are not scared to use it. As a journalist, we're starting to see consequences
07:57when you speak up against certain, uh, enterprises and you're seeing, you know, you're seeing Stephen
08:06Colbert lose his job. You're seeing the view being held. You're seeing a lot of people that speak out
08:13and had a lot of bold messaging and there should be a place for all the messaging. You know, I didn't
08:18have any problem with anyone that's ever opposed my messaging. I don't mind seeing it out. I don't
08:23mind seeing people support it. I really don't even mind becoming friends and having conversations with
08:27people that don't think like me, but don't take away my ability to think and say what I feel.
08:33That's something completely different. We haven't seen that under any presidency in my lifetime.
08:38We do now. You have this experience and you're not, you're not just somebody coming into it
08:43who doesn't know what happened. You've experienced it firsthand.
08:47Worked for Diddy during the era in which he, his wealth grew to extreme degrees. A very significant
08:54piece of chunk of that making the band era was there live in action. Um, I don't know. I was
09:01the soulmate to the president's son at one point. I've been in all the rooms with all the people that
09:08are running the conversation right now. I know how they think. I know what they say behind
09:12everybody's back. I know what they say about each other. It seems like you're not afraid to
09:16go out there, say what, say your truth, say your experience. Are you ever afraid? Are there ever
09:23moments where you're like, maybe I shouldn't say that? Or you're nervous about an outcome or pushback
09:28or anything like that? When I was younger, I was more like reckless. Nowadays, two things I'm starting
09:36to notice. One, during the, you know, you have to remember, oh, obviously I've known about this
09:41behavior for a very long time. I've been warning everyone for about 20 years now that this is not
09:45a safe person to work with. It just was falling on deaf ears because no one wanted to hear me saying
09:49it. When the Diddy stuff started, when Homeland Security started coming around and other things
09:54started occurring and I started kind of getting in the cycle of, of that situation that was developing
10:00when all the world was just buzzing along thinking that he's a great guy and nothing
10:04was coming, thinking that he just gave all their artists their, their publishing back. And he's
10:10the greatest guy ever. That was like the last article the news was fed on him, which wasn't true.
10:15Um, and then, um, that took up a period. There were times during that where I was aware that physical
10:23danger was a reality. When I was on the phone with another fellow band, uh, not in my band, but from
10:29a band previously that he created Babs, I don't know. She's the, one of the, the ones that walked
10:35to Brooklyn to get the cheesecake. Unfortunately, that's what they're known for, which is coercion,
10:41uh, live on television, MTV love doing that back in the day. Um, but anyway, so they, they,
10:49I talked to Babs and there was a time where I was dating pros from Fuji's and he kind of gave
10:53me a call. He would always be my center. Like I'd be like, am I being a Karen? Do I sound
10:57like a Karen to you? Am I doing way too much? Most of the time it was, yes. There was one
11:01time where he was like, you could amp it up a little. And that's when I got this butcher
11:06knife and I was on the phone with Babs and I was making her like screen record all these
11:10unmarked cars that were outside on my block. I just, I know how to look for certain things
11:16based off of certain things that I've had to learn in life. And there were unmarked cars
11:21around me for a bit that seemed suspicious. And I don't know how much danger there ever was
11:27is or isn't. I mean, we saw two victims drop out during jury selection. Um, you know, clearly
11:36there were things moving and shaking on all sides, but, um, there, I've been aware of multiple times
11:44in the past couple of years that physical danger is a real thing. And important to hear from
11:49everybody and anybody who has a platform basically. Um, and you know, I, I know I would sit here and
11:56talk to you about this all day. Will you be on any other shows? Do you have any plans to be on other
11:59shows where we can find you, where we can listen to you, where we can hear all of this?
12:05Um, right now, what I'm working on is getting through, um, you know, I was documented during
12:13this whole process that we've been discussing. So I'm looking for that and sentencing to be over
12:20with so that I can understand how the system is systeming, really get a good understanding of
12:28who has the power and who's, uh, protecting what, because there are so many pieces I've learned over
12:37the past couple of years as I've placed everything out that I've seen and that I know. Um, and then
12:43where I'm safest. And then from there, I don't know. I think the network that I'm on right now
12:49should put me on traders. I think I'm like a easy pick for the past couple, maybe not couple years,
12:55definitely this year they should have picked me, but, um, I don't know whoever's that systeming over
13:00there and just doesn't quite see it for me on traders. You're tripping the whole audience thinks
13:05I should be there. So at this point, if you work at NBC and someone next to you doesn't quite see it
13:11for Aubrey on traders, give them a,
13:13looking look and a kick in the shin because that's where I think I should be television wise next.
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