Ace Ventura Pet Detective (1994) Full Movie HD

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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) is a hilarious comedy starring Jim Carrey as the eccentric and unforgettable pet detective, Ace Ventura. When a high-profile animal goes missing, Ace uses his unique skills, quirky personality, and outrageous antics to solve the case. Packed with laughter, slapstick humor, and memorable performances, this 1994 classic has become one of the most beloved comedies of the decade. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is a lighthearted, entertaining film that showcases Jim Carrey’s comedic genius and charm, making it a perfect movie for families and fans of fun adventures.  Ace Ventura Pet Detective, Ace Ventura Pet Detective 1994, Ace Ventura full movie, Ace Ventura film, Ace Ventura movie, Ace Ventura 1994 full movie, Jim Carrey, comedy movie, family comedy, 1990s film, 1994 movie, slapstick comedy, funny movie, hilarious film, classic comedy, lighthearted film, entertaining movie, animal detective, fun adventure, memorable comedy, comedic classic, 90s cinema, family friendly movie, pets adventure, detective story, quirky movie, funny adventure, amusing film, 1990s comedy, cinematic comedy, family entertainment, comedic performance, laugh-out-loud film, adventure comedy, iconic 90s movie, classic Jim Carrey, comedy favorite, humorous story, fun movie for kids

Transcript

00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords

00:00:30CastingWords

00:01:00CastingWords

00:01:29CastingWords

00:01:59CastingWords

00:02:29sounds broken. Most likely, sir. I'll bet it was something nice, though. Now, this is an insurance

00:02:35form. If you'll just sign here, here, and here, initial here, and print your name here, we'll get

00:02:40the rest of the forms out to you as soon as we can. That's a lovely dog you have there, sir.

00:02:47Do you mind if I pet him? I don't give a rat's ass.

00:02:59That's fine, sir. I can finish the rest. You just have yourself a good day. Take care

00:03:09now. Bye-bye, then.

00:03:23Excuse me, HDS. HDS con crew. Got a package, people.

00:03:29Get away from the door.

00:03:48What's the matter with you? I said get.

00:03:55Son of a bitch.

00:03:57That was a close one, ladies and gentlemen. Unfortunately, in every contest, there must

00:04:04be a loser.

00:04:07The who, the her.

00:04:10Hungry, fella?

00:04:23There you go.

00:04:29No problem. It gets flooded. We'll just wait a few seconds.

00:04:32Oh, we can try it now.

00:04:43Warning, assholes are closer than they appear.

00:04:51You want to give me a push while you're back there, pal?

00:04:53Oh, right there.

00:04:56Alright, then.

00:05:00It's alive! It's alive!

00:05:03It's alive!

00:05:09Oh.

00:05:11Oh.

00:05:14Oh.

00:05:15Oh.

00:05:16Oh.

00:05:17Oh.

00:05:19No, no, no, no.

00:05:49Baby, come here. You missed Mommy, didn't you?

00:05:53Oh, yes, you did. Did Daddy hurt you?

00:05:55I won't let him. No, he won't.

00:05:58He can keep that big TV, but he's not going to hurt my baby. No, he's not.

00:06:02No.

00:06:06Thank you, Mr. Bender.

00:06:11How can I ever repay you?

00:06:13Well, the reward would be good. There is some damage to my car.

00:06:16It's a high-performance machine, so I had to fill it with premium.

00:06:19Would you like for me to take your pants off instead?

00:06:27Gee, let me think.

00:06:29Um, sure.

00:06:33Whoa!

00:06:35Oh!

00:06:37Pete!

00:06:40We're real friendly around here!

00:06:42Whoa!

00:06:43Whoa!

00:07:04Whoa!

00:07:05Let's go.

00:07:35Let's go.

00:08:05Let's go.

00:08:35Let's go.

00:09:05Some rich guy lost it.

00:09:07He's offering a $25,000 reward.

00:09:09As soon as I find this bird, you're paid.

00:09:12I heard animals in there, Ventura.

00:09:15I heard them again this morning, scratching around.

00:09:18I never bring my work home with me, sir.

00:09:20Oh, yeah?

00:09:21What's all this pet food for?

00:09:26Fiber.

00:09:28Want to take a look inside?

00:09:30Come on.

00:09:31Come on!

00:09:32Go ahead.

00:09:45Go ahead.

00:09:46Snoop around.

00:09:47Well, are you satisfied?

00:10:02Well, are you satisfied?

00:10:02Just don't let me catch you with an animal in here, that's all.

00:10:10All right.

00:10:11Take care now.

00:10:13Bye-bye, then.

00:10:16Loser.

00:10:17Come to me, jungle friends.

00:10:34Come to me, jungle friends.

00:10:46Roger, let me ask you one question.

00:11:04How in the hell do you lose a 500-pound fish?

00:11:07What?

00:11:10I'm sorry, sir.

00:11:11I was just going to say that it's not a fish.

00:11:14It's a mammal.

00:11:15Thank you, Miss Jacques Cousteau.

00:11:17Dawn, she didn't mean anything by that.

00:11:20I don't give a good goddamn about that fish.

00:11:23Fillet it and fast-food it if you want to.

00:11:26All I give a damn about is winning the Super Bowl.

00:11:30My athletes have got to have their heads in the right place.

00:11:33Shit, Roger, you've been in this business a long time.

00:11:38You know how superstitious these players are.

00:11:42I've got a quarterback that puts his socks on backwards, has since high school.

00:11:46I've got a linebacker that has not washed his jockey strap in two years

00:11:50because he thinks flies are lucky.

00:11:53Now, I want that fish on that field Super Bowl Sunday.

00:11:58Find the fish or find new jobs.

00:12:00Why did it have to happen now, two weeks before the Super Bowl?

00:12:04I'll tell you who did it.

00:12:05It's those goddamn animal rights activists.

00:12:07Always out there with their goddamn signs.

00:12:09Animals were born free.

00:12:11Stop torturing snowflake.

00:12:13That damn fish lives better than they do.

00:12:14Roger, the police are checking into the animal rights groups.

00:12:17Martha, have the police called back about the dolphin yet?

00:12:20No, but I wanted to tell you,

00:12:22when I lost my cuddles, I hired a pet detective.

00:12:25A what?

00:12:27A pet detective.

00:12:28Thanks, Martha, but we better leave this to professionals.

00:12:34Well, actually, he was quite good.

00:12:36Pet detection is a very involved, highly scientific process.

00:12:40this is a very involved, highly scientific process.

00:12:48What?

00:12:49Oh!

00:12:50A-aa-aa!

00:12:51A-aa-aa-aa!

00:12:52A-aa-aa!

00:12:53A-aa-aa!

00:12:54A-aa-aa!

00:12:55A-aa-aa!

00:12:58A-aa-aa!

00:12:58A-aa-aa-aa!

00:12:59A-aa-aaa-aa!

00:12:59A-aa-aa-aa-aa-aa!

00:14:02Yeah, security's tight. Super Bowl week.

00:14:05Why don't you have a seat?

00:14:06I'll get right to the point, Mr. Ventura.

00:14:09Our mascot was stolen from his tank last night.

00:14:11Are you familiar with Snowflake?

00:14:14Negative.

00:14:15We got Snowflake from the Miami Seaquarium.

00:14:17He's a rare bottlenose dolphin.

00:14:19This is one of the new tricks he was going to do for the halftime show.

00:14:22Come on, Snowflake, let's go.

00:14:24Blue 42, blue 42.

00:14:26Cut, cut.

00:14:27Come on, Snowflake, let's go.

00:14:43Good boy.

00:14:44Would you like an ashtray?

00:14:56I don't smoke.

00:14:58It's a disgusting habit.

00:15:00Say hi.

00:15:04Police were here this morning.

00:15:08Apparently the kidnappers came in through the back gate.

00:15:10They said some kind of a...

00:15:12Four-wheel drive van loaded from the rear.

00:15:14Hey, Roger, how you holding up?

00:15:18Well, if I look like I'm walking funny,

00:15:20it's because I got two dozen reporters up my ass.

00:15:22They've been asking me about Snowflake all morning.

00:15:28Who's he?

00:15:30Roger Podactor, meet Ace Ventura.

00:15:33He's our pet detective.

00:15:35Hi.

00:15:36Nice to meet you.

00:15:37Came very highly recommended by Martha Matz.

00:15:40Martha Matz?

00:15:42Oh, yeah, the bitch.

00:15:44What?

00:15:46Pekingese, hyperactive, lost in Highland Park area.

00:15:48She was half dead when I found her.

00:15:50Is that the tank?

00:15:52Excuse me.

00:16:03Cops drain it?

00:16:04Yes, this morning.

00:16:08If I'm not back in five minutes.

00:16:10Just wait longer.

00:16:14Captain's log, star day 23.9, round it off to the nearest decimal point.

00:16:32We've traveled back in time to save an ancient species from filth and annihilation.

00:16:38So far, no signs of aquatic life.

00:16:41But I'm going to find it.

00:16:44If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it.

00:16:48I've got to, mister!

00:16:50Oh, great.

00:17:04I'll see if I can hit them all.

00:17:07Ace, get out of the tank.

00:17:09I just can't do it, Captain.

00:17:11I do it!

00:17:12Have the power!

00:17:15Roger!

00:17:16People!

00:17:16I said get out of the tank now!

00:17:20For God's sakes, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool, man!

00:17:24But the dolphin rod...

00:17:25Snowflake is not available right now.

00:17:28Not available?

00:17:29Roger's been waiting all day.

00:17:31I've got to get a shot of his new trick for the evening news.

00:17:33What, is he sick?

00:17:34People, people!

00:17:52Let's go!

00:18:22Let's go!

00:18:29Lassie must be missing.

00:18:32Hey, uh, hey, Ventura! Ventura!

00:18:36Make any good collars lately, or were they leashes?

00:18:45Uh-oh.

00:18:49Homicide, Ventura.

00:18:52Are you gonna stop that one?

00:18:57Good question, Aguardo.

00:18:59First, I'd establish a motive.

00:19:01In this case, the killer saw the size of the bug's dick

00:19:04and became insanely jealous.

00:19:09Then I'd lose 30 pounds.

00:19:12Park at his wife!

00:19:13Oh, you...

00:19:14Come on!

00:19:16Now, kids would make up.

00:19:22Excuse me!

00:19:25I'd like to ask you a few questions.

00:19:28God, this is not the time, Mace.

00:19:29If Ironhorn come down here and see me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.

00:19:34I think I can keep him under control, but you'll have to tell me who's working with Snowflake.

00:19:40Hey, I can't do nothing for you on that. My hands are totally tied.

00:19:43All right! That's it!

00:19:46Now it's my turn! Five minutes alone! That's all I need!

00:19:50Come on!

00:19:51If you're alive, I'm horns on your way down.

00:19:53Ooh!

00:19:55Ace, please, man, please.

00:19:56What's the matter, Emilio?

00:19:57Afraid I'll make a stink?

00:20:00Come on!

00:20:01All right, Aguardo's working the case, all right?

00:20:03Aguardo.

00:20:04Aguardo?

00:20:06Good call.

00:20:07Look here.

00:20:08We're just a little busy right now with murderers and burglaries and drug dealers and things like that.

00:20:13A missing dolphin isn't exactly a high priority.

00:20:20Oh, now you've pissed him off.

00:20:23Please give me a break, man.

00:20:25I can't hold him much longer!

00:20:27My boss is coming, man!

00:20:29Okay, okay, look.

00:20:31We ran a check with all the local animal rights groups, all right?

00:20:33We checked out the taxidermis.

00:20:35Everybody checked through the local DMV on all recent van rituals.

00:20:38So far, nothing, Nathan, nada, all right?

00:20:42Any unusual bets being made?

00:20:44Of course there's bets being made. It's a Super Bowl.

00:20:46What'd you find out about the tank?

00:20:48Nothing unusual, okay?

00:20:49Some tire tracks and a skate group, and the guard didn't see anything.

00:20:53That's it.

00:20:54That's it, I swear.

00:20:55Now, would you please get the hell out of here before I get in trouble?

00:20:58Thank you for all your cooperation.

00:21:04By the way, do you have a mint?

00:21:07Perhaps some banaca?

00:21:09No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:21:31Holy testicle Tuesday.

00:21:34What the hell is he doing here?

00:21:37here i came to confess i was the second gunman on the grassy knoll spare me the routine ventura

00:21:46i know you're working the snowflake case may i suggest you yield to the experts on this one

00:21:52we'll find the porpoise now i feel better of course that might not do any good you see nobody's

00:22:05missing a porpoise it's a dolphin that's been taken the common harbor porpoise has an abrupt snout

00:22:10pointed teeth and a triangular thoracic fin while the bottlenose dolphin or terciops truncatus

00:22:15has an elongated beak round cone-shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage but i'm sure you

00:22:21already knew that that's what turns me on about you your attention to detail listen pet dick how

00:22:30would you like me to make your life a living hell well i'm not really ready for a relationship

00:22:37lois but thank you for asking hey maybe i'll give you a call sometime your number still 9-1-1

00:22:48all righty then

00:22:50so

00:23:00so

00:23:02so

00:23:12so

00:23:18so

00:23:22excuse me is break here thank you

00:23:42what's the password new england clam chowder is that the red or the white

00:24:02white

00:24:04i can never remember that

00:24:06white

00:24:08hey blue stock

00:24:12hey saint francis how's it going

00:24:14super and thank you for asking i hope you're having a lovely day

00:24:18do you

00:24:20don't i

00:24:22so what are you up to mandinga

00:24:24just watching the fishes man old shivitz

00:24:26you see those blips that's a norwegian whaling fleet i'm sending them new directional coordinates

00:24:34they'll find jimmy hoffa before they find any humpback whales

00:24:38ha ha

00:24:40gravy

00:24:42so can you still tap into the aquatic supply stores in the area

00:24:44of course i can why

00:24:46i want to trace the sale of any equipment for transporting or housing a dolphin within the last few months

00:24:51come on ace i thought you had a challenge for me

00:24:55all right we've got marine wench sling feeder fish 20 000 gallon tank

00:25:01wait a minute wait a minute look at here

00:25:03now that's a hell of a lot of equipment for a civilian

00:25:07ronald camp the billionaire

00:25:09yeah billionaire and rare fish collector

00:25:13really

00:25:17that my friend is the face of the enemy

00:25:19always trying to get his greedy little hands on endangered species

00:25:23now hold on ronald camp is connected with the dolphins

00:25:26yeah that sub genius gave him the land the new stadiums built on

00:25:30and look at this

00:25:32he's throwing another i'm the richest man in the universe party

00:25:36hmm

00:25:38looks like it's time for me to get myself a date

00:25:41i'm really going out on a limb here ventura

00:25:50camp social events are strictly a list

00:25:52gee chuck the date started off good

00:25:54but just before we got to the party

00:25:56she seemed to tense up

00:25:58i swear if you do anything to embarrass me in front of camp

00:26:00what like this

00:26:09hi captain steubing power gopher and dock

00:26:13permission to come aboard sir

00:26:17i'm sorry

00:26:32melissa

00:26:34melissa

00:26:37oh hi ron

00:26:38glad you could make it

00:26:40thank you

00:26:41you look wonderful

00:26:45oh thanks

00:26:46and who is he your friend

00:26:48um no this is this is my date

00:26:52this is my date

00:26:55he's a lawyer

00:26:57well does he have a name or should i call him lawyer

00:27:01who

00:27:03i'm sorry this is ace

00:27:06um

00:27:07tom ace

00:27:09tom ace

00:27:10pleasure to meet you mr camp

00:27:12and congratulations on all your success

00:27:14you smell terrific

00:27:16i was just telling melissa

00:27:18one of the first lessons we learned back at

00:27:20stanford law was the modern proliferation of food poisoning claims against wealthy private homeowners

00:27:25in fact if one were so inclined

00:27:27one could make quite a lucrative law practice with little else

00:27:30how is everybody feeling tonight

00:27:35very very well thank you

00:27:37oh look honey

00:27:39there's the hors d'oeuvres

00:27:41are you insane there is no way that camp stole the snowflake

00:27:52what are you trying to do

00:27:55will you just keep him occupied while i work my magic please

00:28:02what are you doing

00:28:17you've got a few cases for my new dealer in paris

00:28:21Okay, is this for my new dealer in Paris?

00:28:24Great.

00:28:25Excuse me, Ron.

00:28:26I need to use the bathroom.

00:28:29I think it's the bad day.

00:28:31Sure, it's over there.

00:28:33Thanks.

00:28:34Stuff probably looks better on the way out, huh?

00:28:40Oh, God.

00:28:45He wasn't feeling well earlier today.

00:28:51Here we go.

00:30:21Gravy.

00:30:30Don't worry, Snowflake.

00:30:33Ace Ventura's here.

00:30:37Yummy!

00:30:38Snowflake!

00:31:00Here, Snowflake.

00:31:02Here, I've got a little snack for you.

00:31:09They're wonderful, aren't they?

00:31:22Yes, they certainly are.

00:31:25No matter what's going on in my life, I can always watch them swim and be totally at peace.

00:31:40It's not Snowflake.

00:31:43It's not Snowflake.

00:31:44Hey, it's not Snowflake!

00:31:48Hey!

00:31:49Hey!

00:31:51It's not Snowflake!

00:31:53Are you sure your date is alright?

00:32:10It's been an awfully long time.

00:32:12Who, Tom?

00:32:13I'm sure he's fine.

00:32:26Do not go in there!

00:32:29Woo!

00:32:39I'm sorry, Mr. Ace.

00:32:44I have the plumbing checked immediately.

00:32:46Be sure that you do.

00:32:48If I'd been drinking out of the toilet,

00:32:49I might have been killed.

00:32:51I'm sorry again, Mr. Ace.

00:32:57What are you doing?

00:33:01I'm sorry, Ron.

00:33:02What are you sick of doing?

00:33:03Ace, what are...

00:33:04Let's go!

00:33:07Ace.

00:33:07Stop it!

00:33:11I don't even want to know why your pants are missing.

00:33:13I don't care what happened.

00:33:14You could have cost me my job.

00:33:17So you found a pebble in Snowflake's tank.

00:33:19Excuse me while I call CNN.

00:33:21I found it in the filter, thank you very much.

00:33:23And it's not a pebble.

00:33:24It's a rare triangular cut orange amber.

00:33:29What are you talking about?

00:33:31Tonight I saw the exact same stone in Camp's ring.

00:33:35I thought you said Camp didn't do it.

00:33:37No.

00:33:37Camp's clean.

00:33:38His ring wasn't missing a stone.

00:33:40But whoever was in that tank had a ring just like his.

00:33:43Wait a minute.

00:33:44What ring?

00:33:47The 1984 Dolphin AFC Championship ring.

00:33:52I find the ring with the missing stone.

00:33:55I find Snowflake.

00:33:56How are you going to do that?

00:34:02Simple.

00:34:10Hey, loser!

00:34:11Why don't you learn how to drive, pal?

00:34:13Oh, you are climbing!

00:34:17Yeah!

00:34:18I'm moving out of köстрbill.

00:34:19Look at snowflake!

00:34:26Damn it!

00:34:28If you're afraid that you're strong or a fight we'll come on and light up, light up!

00:34:33Line up, when the government gets tough and you're torn in enough, line up, line up, you gotta get up, get out before they get us down, he's livin' up against the wall, yeah, and it's gotta stop, come on and line up, line up, so don't be surprised when they pull the wall over your eyes.

00:35:03You don't get older, right here.

00:35:33If you're out on a limb and you wanna come in, then line up, line up, hey, your head's down, sittin' out, bring your face up on the ground and get yourself together, baby.

00:35:47Yeah, love is turning down, I'm a nine-up, line up, we better get to it instead of just spinning around, it's not me, it's not me, it's not me.

00:36:07Hey!

00:36:14Oh, oh, oh, oh.

00:36:44ace that stone could have come from anywhere it could have come from a necklace or a pendant

00:36:57an earring it came from an 84 afc championship ring

00:37:03you know lieutenant einhorn thinks that it may have been an animal rights group

00:37:11have you ever heard of fan free animals now started in 1982 by chelsea gamble daughter of

00:37:16the famous industrialist fisher gamble over half a million members from florida to finland

00:37:20no who are they well did you know that last year they sent 127 threatening letters to

00:37:26different college teams demanding the release of their mascots we feed your dog dog food why

00:37:33he is miserable oh what are you talking about he's just very unhappy i feel sorry for him

00:37:40bad diet isolated environment it's amazing he's still alive

00:37:44you know you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out

00:37:50and you don't know how to express your anger yeah and you're ugly

00:37:54you know what i'm not even going to talk to you would you please leave

00:37:59why so you can beat him batty you're unbelievable you know hiring you is the biggest mistake i ever

00:38:08made well why don't you cry about it saddlebags

00:38:11like her huh yeah she's all right

00:38:19morissa

00:38:23look morissa i uh

00:38:31i'm here at the north beach towers a luxury condo complex in north miami where roger padactor head of

00:38:41operations for the miami dolphins has apparently committed suicide allegedly leaping to his death

00:38:47from his own 20th story balcony lieutenant lois einhorn

00:38:51you okay

00:38:59well i told you i was in my apartment across the hall yes ma'am

00:39:04i heard a scream

00:39:06uh-huh so i called the manager

00:39:09now the place was empty except for that damn dog in the other room

00:39:13i opened the balcony door and looked over the railing flat bang pancake time

00:39:18okay thank you very much

00:39:20i'm gonna leave you on my part

00:39:21hi there fella

00:39:26have a bad night

00:39:28so animals can sense evil who let dr doodle in

00:39:45oh he said he he came with mr robertson this is official police business we'll let you know if the coroner finds a tick

00:39:52oh i just faces he forget it she's right besides i wouldn't want somebody tracing my steps pointing out all the mistakes i was making

00:40:07so you don't think this is an obvious suicide mr pet detective

00:40:24well i wouldn't say that lord knows there's plenty of evidence here to support your theory

00:40:29except of course for that spot of blood on the railing over there

00:40:33may i tell you what i think happened

00:40:40all righty then

00:40:42roger podactor went out after work he had a few drinks and he came home

00:40:46but he wasn't alone

00:40:47someone else was with him in this apartment

00:40:49there was a struggle and he was thrown over that balcony

00:40:53roger podactor didn't commit suicide

00:40:55he was murdered

00:40:57well that's a very entertaining story

00:41:02but unfortunately real detectives have to worry about that little thing called evidence

00:41:07uh oh

00:41:10i think i heard a toilet flush

00:41:12maybe somebody lost a turtle

00:41:15well i

00:41:19guess i'm a little out of my league here

00:41:23einhorn

00:41:25good work

00:41:26oh there is just one more thing lieutenant

00:41:38this woman is roger podactor's neighbor she lives across the hall she said she heard a scream is that right ma'am

00:41:44right

00:41:44and you said you had to open the balcony door when you keyed into the room

00:41:47that's true

00:41:48you're certain you had to open this door

00:41:51yeah i'm certain

00:41:52what's the point ventura

00:41:55only this

00:41:57this is double pane soundproof glass

00:42:13there's no way that neighbor could have heard podactor scream on the way down with that door shut

00:42:17the scream she heard came from inside this apartment before he was thrown over the balcony and the murderer closed the door before he left

00:42:24yes yes yes oh yeah can you feel that buddy huh huh huh huh i have exercised the demons

00:42:38this house is clear

00:42:42losers get him out of here losers

00:42:46let's go ace

00:42:48what are you thinking

00:43:00you're thinking this whole thing is connected somehow

00:43:03you're thinking i want to find that other ring

00:43:06yes you checked all the rings

00:43:10receipts

00:43:12what about receipts

00:43:13there's gotta be receipts

00:43:15you know that was pretty impressive what you did back at the apartment

00:43:27you don't have to tell me

00:43:29i was there

00:43:31maybe you should have joined the police force

00:43:36i'm a real detective

00:43:37i don't do humans

00:43:39you really love animals don't you

00:43:44if it gets cold enough

00:43:47no i have a kinship with them i uh

00:43:52i understand them

00:43:53want to hear something kind of spooky

00:43:57sure

00:43:58one time when i was about 12

00:44:03i had this dream that i was being followed by a

00:44:06big dog with rabies

00:44:08he had these really bloodshot eyes

00:44:10and foam coming out of his mouth

00:44:12no matter how fast i ran

00:44:14he just kept gaining on me

00:44:16and gaining on me

00:44:17and gaining on me

00:44:18and just before i got to my front door

00:44:22he jumped and sank his teeth in

00:44:25that's when i woke up

00:44:29and felt the back of my neck

00:44:31check that out

00:44:33i'm sorry i just couldn't help myself

00:44:41you really want to know why i do what i do

00:44:44no i'm not sure i really want to know anymore

00:44:46well you'd better be sure

00:44:47because once you get inside my head

00:44:50there's no turning back baby

00:44:53so um

00:45:06are these all the receipts

00:45:09there's only a dozen

00:45:10no maybe it's in another file

00:45:11in the back or something

00:45:12who the hell is that

00:45:13what

00:45:15that

00:45:20who the hell is that

00:45:23that's ray finkel the kicker

00:45:26don't you know who ray finkel is

00:45:28no

00:45:29how come he's not in this picture

00:45:31this was taken earlier in the year

00:45:37ray finkel wasn't added to the roster till mid-season

00:45:40he's the guy who missed the final field goal in the super bowl that year

00:45:49cost the dolphins the game

00:45:51but he got himself a ring didn't he

00:45:54definitely

00:45:56replacement kicker having a great year

00:46:00ready for super bowl all-star kicker boasts

00:46:02field goal sales wide dolphins lead super bowl

00:46:06the kick heard round the world

00:46:09that was finkel

00:46:10the dolphins lost by one point

00:46:12poor guy

00:46:16poor guy with a motive baby

00:46:19where is he now

00:46:21last i heard he went back to his hometown

00:46:24and call your county

00:46:25you are gonna drop me off before you go aren't you

00:46:33no way

00:46:35you shouldn't be left alone right now

00:46:37it might not be safe at your apartment

00:46:39what do you suggest

00:46:44oh

00:46:54uh

00:46:55oh

00:46:59oh

00:47:00oh

00:47:02oh

00:47:04Oh, my God.

00:47:29Oh, my God.

00:47:31Three times?

00:47:35I'm sorry.

00:47:36That's never happened to me before.

00:47:38I must be tired.

00:47:44Okay, I'm ready again.

00:48:01I'm ready again.

00:48:31hi i'm looking for ray finkel

00:48:39and a clean pair of shorts what do you know about ray finkel

00:48:45soccer style kicker graduated from collier high june 1976 stetson university honors graduate

00:48:53class of 1980 holds two ncaa division one records one for most points in a season one

00:48:56for distance former nickname the mule the first and only pro athlete ever to come out of collier

00:49:00county and one hell of a model american are you another one of them hard copy guys no sir i'm

00:49:13just a very big finkel fan this is my graceland sir will you put that gun down the boy is a fan of our

00:49:24son so nice to meet you i'm ray's mother and this is ray's father it's a real honor well it's an honor

00:49:36to have you in our home my ray is so appreciative of his fans he'll be so pleased you stopped by

00:49:45are you expecting ray anytime soon oh yes i expect him home any minute

00:49:50would you like some cookies i just baked them yummy

00:49:56wow ray finkel's house i can't wait to meet him

00:50:07ray ain't coming home

00:50:12but your wife said you expect him home any minute

00:50:17she expects him home any minute

00:50:19you see the engine's running but uh there's nobody behind the wheel

00:50:24i mean eight years ago our son escaped from shady acres mental hospital in tampa

00:50:31and they're still bugging us to pick up his stuff

00:50:34it was all that dan marino's fault everyone knows that

00:50:38if he had held the ball laces out like you're supposed to

00:50:42ray would never have missed that kick

00:50:44dan marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell

00:50:48would you like a cookie son

00:50:51hmm what do you know

00:50:55they're little footballs

00:50:57laces out

00:50:59when ray gets back and starts kicking again

00:51:04he'll never even know he was gone

00:51:06i've kept his room just the way he left it

00:51:14oh boy

00:51:33what a sports night hat

00:51:36may i

00:51:49oh yes by all means

00:51:51five seconds to go here in super bowl 17

00:51:58dolphins trailing the 49ers by one

00:52:01this will win the game for miami

00:52:04there's the snap

00:52:06marino holds

00:52:08the kick

00:52:09and it's wide

00:52:11oh no

00:52:12it's no good

00:52:13three people

00:52:14blew up

00:52:1526 yard field goal

00:52:17i don't believe it

00:52:19the dolphins lose

00:52:21the dolphins lose

00:52:22the dolphins

00:52:23the super bowl

00:52:25all

00:52:26go

00:52:27melissa it's ace

00:52:28ace where are you

00:52:30i'm in cycleville and finkel's the mayor

00:52:32where's dan marino

00:52:34marino why

00:52:35because he's about to join snowflake

00:52:37i've got to know where he is

00:52:38all right he had a practice

00:52:39and then he has a commercial shoot

00:52:41at the bogart sound stage

00:52:42okay call the police

00:52:44get extra security over there

00:52:45now

00:52:46ace what's going on

00:52:48ace

00:52:50ace

00:52:51thought i left didn't you

00:52:53okay i'm really gonna go this time

00:52:56okay here we go folks

00:53:06very quiet and

00:53:07action

00:53:08hi i'm dan marino

00:53:10and if anyone knows the value of protection

00:53:12it's me

00:53:13so i take care of the hands that take care of me

00:53:21with lysetone or glow

00:53:24cut again from the top

00:53:25i said cut

00:53:27guys it's a cut

00:53:29and what the hell are they doing

00:53:30that's a cut

00:53:33guys

00:53:33let's go

00:53:34i don't know

00:53:36what is this a rewrite

00:53:40shut up

00:53:41go

00:53:45go

00:53:47excuse me gentlemen

00:53:56head detective

00:53:58come on

00:54:08what the hell was that

00:54:09can't you hit me

00:54:11lieutenant

00:54:39have there been any ransom demands

00:54:40there's been no communication

00:54:42with the kidnappers at this time

00:54:43well what's going on

00:54:44in the super bowl

00:54:44will it be postponed

00:54:45as of now the game is on

00:54:47as scheduled

00:54:47why wasn't the public told

00:54:48about snowflakes kidnapping

00:54:49secrecy was essential

00:54:51we couldn't risk any public interference

00:54:52are the crimes related

00:54:53and what about roger

00:54:54podactor's murder

00:54:55i'm sorry i can't comment further

00:54:57now if you'll excuse me

00:54:58what you did

00:54:59i guess i didn't

00:55:00emilio

00:55:02get me the autopsy

00:55:03on podactor

00:55:03guato

00:55:04send out a memo

00:55:04no one talked to the press

00:55:06yes ma'am

00:55:07and somebody get me some coffee

00:55:08tonight on miami

00:55:10ice

00:55:11crockett gets the boss

00:55:12of coffee

00:55:13ventura

00:55:14when i get out of that bathroom

00:55:16you better be gone

00:55:18is it number one or number two

00:55:21i just want to know

00:55:23how much time i have

00:55:24hey uh

00:55:26by the way

00:55:27i went ahead and solved

00:55:28that pesky snowflake

00:55:30podactor merino thing

00:55:31oh yeah

00:55:32yeah you ever heard of a

00:55:34former dolphin kicker

00:55:35named ray finkel

00:55:36all right

00:55:44ventura

00:55:45make it quick

00:55:47i found a rare stone

00:55:49at the bottom of snowflake's tank

00:55:51it belongs to a dolphin

00:55:5284 afc championship ring

00:55:54it would have been a super bowl ring

00:55:56but ray finkel missed the big kick

00:55:57blames the whole thing on merino

00:55:59we're talking paranoid delusional psychosis

00:56:03i saw the guy's room

00:56:04it's cozy if you're hannibal lector

00:56:07so how does roger podactor fit in

00:56:10my guess is

00:56:12finkel was snooping around

00:56:13podactor recognized him

00:56:14end of story

00:56:15as for snowflake

00:56:17they gave him finkel's number

00:56:18taught him how to kick a field goal

00:56:19finkel took it personally

00:56:21so where is finkel now

00:56:26busted out of a mental institute

00:56:28did a claude rains

00:56:29he's been plotting his revenge for years

00:56:31waiting for the perfect time

00:56:33to get back at the dolphins

00:56:34the time when it would hurt them the most

00:56:36super bowl time

00:56:38man i'm tired of being right

00:56:40congratulations

00:56:46you've done some fine detective work

00:56:51ace

00:56:53i'm sorry could you speak into my good ear

00:56:59i thought i heard you call me ace

00:57:00maybe i was wrong about you

00:57:03maybe you are more than just a pet dick

00:57:06your gun is digging into my hip

00:57:16what's wrong ace

00:57:18won't you do you here rights

00:57:21maybe later

00:57:23what is it

00:57:28that bony little bitch

00:57:30melissa robinson

00:57:31no

00:57:32you just don't do anything for me

00:57:34down boy

00:57:37everything okay in here

00:57:41i heard some commotion

00:57:42fine sergeant

00:57:44you want me to throw him out

00:57:46why don't you throw yourself out

00:57:49yes ma'am

00:57:53ace i want you to leave everything to us

00:57:59i can't do that lieutenant

00:58:01i was hired to find snowflake

00:58:03when we find merino

00:58:05we'll deliver snowflake

00:58:06when i find snowflake

00:58:09i'll deliver merino

00:58:12melissa it's ace

00:58:26ace what are you doing here

00:58:28it's the middle of the night

00:58:29you have to commit me

00:58:31finkel escaped from shady acres in tampa

00:58:35they still have some of his stuff

00:58:36ace they're not just going to let us waltz in and look around

00:58:39i know

00:58:40it's a good thing i'm a master of disguise

00:58:42mrs robinson

00:58:44i'm dr handley

00:58:46hi

00:58:47now who is it that you'd like us to have a look at

00:58:49my brother

00:58:50larry

00:58:52i'm ready to go in coach

00:58:59just give me a chance

00:59:00i know there's a lot riding on it

00:59:02but it's all psychological

00:59:03just got to stay in a positive frame of mind

00:59:05i'm gonna execute a buttonhook pattern

00:59:09super slow-mo

00:59:10let's see that

00:59:39an instant replay

00:59:41your brother won't be the first professional football player we've treated

01:00:00is that right

01:00:01yes

01:00:01we're very sensitive

01:00:03to the emotional stress that athletes have to endure

01:00:06i'm open i'm open

01:00:07we'll have to do some preliminary evaluations

01:00:13but i think your brother will fit in nicely here

01:00:16over here

01:00:18351

01:00:21351

01:00:23rovers

01:00:25he seems to have some difficulty letting go of the game

01:00:32has he had a long history of mental illness

01:00:35as long as i've known him

01:00:38and uh this is one of our therapy rooms

01:00:43and uh we do arts and crafts out here in the courtyard

01:00:47and this is the storage room

01:00:49and down the hallway here we have another

01:00:52he'll be fine there by himself for the next 20 minutes

01:01:06he'll be fine there by himself for the next 20 minutes

01:01:09he'll be fine there by himself for the next 20 minutes

01:01:13well why don't i show you the dormitories then

01:01:15great

01:01:16you

01:01:17dr. piger please call page operator

01:01:19dr piger please call page operator

01:01:27ka

01:01:30Come on.

01:02:00Oh, shit.

01:02:20Thank God.

01:02:26Isotoners.

01:02:30Oh, shit.

01:02:48Obsess much.

01:02:51Hey, hey.

01:02:52Where are you going?

01:02:53I'm going to clean the storage.

01:02:55I know you're supposed to be in the cafeteria.

01:02:57I don't tell you how to do your job.

01:02:59Look, it says here to clean the cafeteria.

01:03:01I know what I'm doing.

01:03:03Do you understand that?

01:03:04You should have cleaned it earlier.

01:03:05Come on.

01:03:06Look.

01:03:07I'm cleaning it here.

01:03:08No, no.

01:03:09You take breaks too long.

01:03:10You smoke.

01:03:11Man, you a pain in the ass.

01:03:13I need your help.

01:03:14Run.

01:03:23Hey.

01:03:24Go.

01:03:25Hey.

01:03:27Hey.

01:03:28Hey.

01:03:29Hey.

01:03:30Hey.

01:03:31Hey.

01:03:32Hey.

01:03:33search called off for missing hiker a massive search ended today when rescue workers were

01:03:42unable to find the body of lois einhorn a hiker missing since friday lois einhorn

01:03:51holy shit balls

01:04:03what are you doing out here get back to work

01:04:33uh we're hot

01:04:42hey ways see you think the article that you found was something check this out i got a note from the

01:04:57actor the einhorn thanking her for a wonderful saturday evening something they stir in the

01:05:02kool-aid man wiggles rewind

01:05:05what the hell does lois einhorn have to do with ray finkel

01:05:13come on think finkel and einhorn in it together how why

01:05:20all right here we go answer's right there just gotta get some blood to the brain

01:05:32finkel and einhorn finkel an einhorn

01:05:57huh I don't have any food for you I have to have money to buy food I have to have a dolphin to get

01:06:06the money I don't see a dolphin around here do you let's face it your master is a loser

01:06:20new hill

01:06:24what the

01:06:39that's it

01:06:43that's it

01:06:46Einhorn is Finkel Finkel is Einhorn Einhorn is a man

01:06:55oh my god Einhorn is a man

01:07:01give up

01:07:05the height I use

01:07:08yeah

01:07:09yeah

01:07:11and

01:07:12and

01:07:13and

01:07:15yeah

01:07:19yeah

01:07:24I can see.

01:07:27I can see.

01:07:31No!

01:07:35No!

01:07:38No!

01:07:54A gun is digging into my head.

01:08:04And the big story in this Super Bowl game, just moments away,

01:08:08is the abduction of Miami's starting quarterback, number 13, Dan Marino.

01:08:13It's got to be a strain on this Miami team job.

01:08:15I really...

01:08:16Agh!

01:08:46what's the matter dan aren't you having fun i just love super bowl sunday don't you dan

01:09:01the magical afternoons where dreams are made

01:09:06i'm crushed look lady if you want tickets you're going about it the wrong way

01:09:13do i look familiar to you dan does it seem as if we've met some place before

01:09:20i don't know i get hit in the head a lot

01:09:23kickoff time my favorite thing

01:09:31laces out

01:09:43i made some refreshments dan would you like some refreshments dan

01:10:05i'll be right back dan

01:10:12and it was his wife

01:10:35hey guys i don't know how much psycho woman's paying you but i'll double it

01:10:43hey sorry danny boy a psycho woman keeps us out of prison

01:10:46hey snow blake there you go come on check it out marino i'm throwing passes to a dolphin

01:10:54go get some more fish

01:11:07i'm gonna kill that dolphin

01:11:09lovely party

01:11:12pity i wasn't invited

01:11:14where the hell's a smelt

01:11:28unconscious exactly as i planned

01:11:39what the hell was that

01:11:46oh shit

01:12:00what happened man what's going on

01:12:10what's going on okay

01:12:11guess what boys

01:12:13it's nap time

01:12:14oh what a hit

01:12:19did herschel walker ever get the hit on the

01:12:21heads up

01:12:22hi jan

01:12:26who are you

01:12:30ace ventura pet detective

01:12:33i've been sent in with a special play

01:12:35quarterback sneak

01:12:36penalty

01:12:38too many men on the field

01:12:41i warned you ventura

01:12:45whatever happened to ace

01:12:47good question

01:12:48be careful with that phone lieutenant

01:12:51in time you could develop a tumor

01:12:53aguato

01:12:55is lieutenant einhorn

01:12:57send some men over to the hollandale yacht basin on victoria road

01:13:01i've got the kidnapper trapped in the warehouse

01:13:04it's ace ventura pet detective

01:13:07is cold up in harvest 343 victorville road

01:13:14at the old hollandale yacht basin

01:13:16officer needs backup

01:13:17suspect's name ace ventura male caucasian

01:13:19should be considered armed and dangerous

01:13:21it's ace

01:13:23we gotta break out of here

01:13:25emilio was he in trouble

01:13:29don't worry

01:13:30there's one thing i know

01:13:32there's nothing that ace can't handle

01:13:34don't kill me

01:13:37please

01:13:40i'll never tell anyone i swear

01:13:43he's the one you want

01:13:45kill him

01:13:45no no kill him

01:13:46no kill him

01:13:47he held the ball remember

01:13:49come on look at the

01:13:50cry baby

01:13:52jock

01:13:52wimp

01:13:53musclehead

01:13:54shut up

01:13:55i think i'll kill the dolphin first

01:13:57i wouldn't want you to miss that

01:13:59and there's the snap

01:14:02the kick

01:14:03and it's good

01:14:05good to see somebody who doesn't buckle under the pressure

01:14:08what would you know

01:14:16about pressure

01:14:17well i have kissed a man

01:14:21of course there's never been a more crucial kick in a super bowl

01:14:26than the famous kick heard around the world

01:14:28i mean it's clear to me that it was a good hold

01:14:32binkle just booted it

01:14:34the laces were in

01:14:37they were in

01:14:39well you like that

01:14:51you like that

01:14:53You like that?

01:15:00You like that?

01:15:01You like that?

01:15:20Having a little trouble with the lady ace?

01:15:22You don't understand!

01:15:24She's a...

01:15:29Get him, boys!

01:15:43Shut him!

01:15:46Shut him!

01:15:47Hold your fire!

01:15:49Don't shoot!

01:15:51Put your guns down or this cop gets it!

01:15:54I mean it!

01:15:56She's not joking!

01:15:58He kidnapped Snowflake!

01:16:00He killed Roger Podactor and he was just about to kill Dameron on me!

01:16:04Ho, ho, ho, ho!

01:16:07Fiction can be fun!

01:16:11But I find the reference section much more enlightening.

01:16:14For instance, if you were to look up professional football's all-time bonehead plays, you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkel, who missed a 26-yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl 17.

01:16:29What you wouldn't read about is how Ray Finkel lost his mind, was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker, manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino, whom he blamed for the entire thing!

01:16:46What the hell are you talking about?

01:16:49She's not Louis Einhorn!

01:16:51She's Ray Finkel!

01:16:52She's a man!

01:16:54He's lying!

01:16:55Shut up!

01:17:00Let's just see who's lying, shall we?

01:17:03Would a real woman have to wear one of these?

01:17:07Ah!

01:17:08Ah!

01:17:09Ah!

01:17:10Boy, that's really on there!

01:17:15But tell me this!

01:17:17Would a real woman be missing these?

01:17:21That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend!

01:17:30But I doubt very much if he could find the time during his busy schedule to get rid of big old Mr. Knish!

01:17:49Oh, boy!

01:17:51Psst!

01:17:52Psst!

01:17:53Ace!

01:17:54O- Come here!

01:17:56Would you excuse me for just one second?

01:18:05Ladies and gentlemen, my esteemed colleague Mr. Marino has just brought some new evidence to my attention.

01:18:16Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time.

01:18:24But if I am mistaken, if the lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be,

01:18:32then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have ever seen!

01:18:40That's why Roger Podactor is dead! He found Captain Winky!

01:18:46Good night, everybody! You've got a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.

01:19:04Die, animal boy!

01:19:07Quick decision.

01:19:16Hey, loser!

01:19:37Hey!

01:19:38Yeah, Dan?

01:19:39You have any more of that gum?

01:19:40That's none of your damn business, and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.

01:19:45You're a weird guy, Ace. Weird guy.

01:19:49Ladies and gentlemen, the Miami Dolphins are proud to welcome back to Joe Robbie's Stadium,

01:19:57our beloved mascot and the star of our halftime show, Snowflake!

01:20:03And now, returning for the second half, the Miami Dolphins' most valuable player, Dan Marino!

01:20:19Let's go!

01:20:49Let's go!

01:21:06Idiot!

01:21:07What?

01:21:08Do you realize what you've just done?

01:21:09You just cost me 25 grand, Polly.

01:21:12Yeah? Blow me.

01:21:16Really?

01:21:19No!

01:21:33The National Football League would now like to offer a special thank you to the man who rescued Dan Marino and our beloved Snowflake, a great humanitarian and lover of all animals, Mr. Ace Ventura!

01:21:48Ventura!

01:21:52Get on me!

01:21:54Get on me!

01:21:55Tone!

01:21:56Tone, put that big-ass size 13 on and kick it for the homies!

01:22:01Tone that big-ass size 13 on and kick it for the homies!

01:22:05Tone that big-ass size 13 on and kick it for me!

01:22:07Tone that big-ass size 13 on and kick it for the homies!

01:22:10Tone that big dive!

01:22:12Tone that big dive!

01:22:13Tone that big dive!

01:22:15Tone that big dive!

01:22:16Just calling my dog, man.

01:22:46Just calling my dog, man.

01:23:16Just calling my dog, man.

01:23:46Just calling my dog, man.

01:23:54I grip the bike like flyers, no one flyer, your ace is for hire

01:23:58Lower roots, show beats, solvable, primed at a hot damn police

01:24:02Tryna do it legal, lookin' for a dolphin, beatin' on an eagle

01:24:07Nothing ever planned, remember H got the face of a hell for G-declin

01:24:11Crazy like Park Boat, busted out windows in his Monte Carlo

01:24:15Loud clothes, black boots, touched out here, no time for a suit

01:24:19But I don't give a damn if he's way out, yo tell him who's in the house

01:24:24Yo X in the house, I don't believe they heard ya

01:24:30Yo X in the house, yo tell him one more time

01:24:34Yo X in the house, tell him who's in the house

01:24:39Yo X in the house, I don't believe they heard ya

01:24:43Yo X in the house, is he runnin' things

01:24:47No X in the house

01:24:49Is he doing fine?

01:24:52No X in the house

01:24:53To the west side try

01:24:55Tell the rules in the house

01:25:00Let's go now

01:25:02No X in the house

01:25:07No X in the house

01:25:11No X in the house

01:25:15No X in the house

01:25:18No X in the house

01:25:23No X in the house

01:25:27No X in the house

01:25:31No X in the house

01:25:35No X in the house

01:25:45Transcription by CastingWords

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